Title: The Long Road Home
Author: Patricia
Character: Tony DiNozzo, Leroy Jethro Gibbs
Warnings: angst, drama, suicidal thoughts
Spoilers: Takes place in season 5
Summary: Gibbs’ latest obsession with a case results in an incident that changes Tony’s life forever.

Part 1


Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs hated waiting. He was a man of action who was unaccustomed to the feeling of helplessness that was now consuming him. The former Marine glanced at the clock on the wall, calculating that it had been just under two hours since he had arrived at Bethesda Naval Hospital, and he had yet to receive any news on the condition of his senior field agent.

“Damn it!” he growled, slinging the cup of cold coffee against the wall.

Ignoring the incredulous stares of the strangers into the waiting room, the team leader stormed out into the hallway and in three strides, found himself standing in front of the nurse’s station.

He peered at the name tag of the nurse sitting at the desk. “Excuse me, Ms. Hutson.”

The young nurse looked up from her computer. “Can I help you?”

Gibbs nodded. “I hope so,” he replied. “One of my agents was brought in a little while ago and taken into surgery; I was wondering if there was any word on how he was doing.”

“What’s his name?”

He took a deep breath and blew it out. Why was it so hard to say his name? Was it because he would have to accept the harsh reality of the current situation? Would he have to admit that he was the reason that Tony was now fighting for his life?

“Sir?” Nurse Hutson called out to him, forcing him back to the present as he pushed his doubt and guilt to the far recesses of his mind. “His name?” she asked again.

“Anthony DiNozzo.”

“Could you spell that last name?”

The team leader permitted a small grin to escape from his lips. “Big D, little I, big N, little ‘ozzo’.”

“Two z’s?”

“Yeah.”

Gibbs nervously watched as she typed the information into the computer. It was just a few seconds before the nurse looked up and asked, “Are you his next of kin?”

“Yeah. Leroy Jethro Gibbs. It should be listed on his records from a couple years ago,” Gibbs informed her.

He watched as she studied her monitor. “He was brought in with multiple gunshot wounds, right?”

“Yeah.”

“He’s still in surgery.”

“Any idea how much longer he’ll be?” he wanted to know.

She shook her head. “No, I’m sorry. I’m sure that the doctor will come and talk to you as soon as Agent DiNozzo is in recovery.”

“Thank you,” he mumbled as he turned to walk away.

Electing not to return to the crowded waiting room, Gibbs walked to the end of the corridor and stared out the window. He was still having a difficult time believing the events of the day. Once again, he had allowed his obsession with a case to cloud his judgment and now, Tony was suffering the consequences.


***flashback***

There was too much blood. That was the first thought that crossed Jethro Gibbs’ mind as he fell to his knees beside the body of his senior field agent. In one fluid movement, he pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911. He handed the phone to the young teenage girl that he and Tony had just rescued, instructing her to give the operator the pertinent information.

He turned his attention back to Tony. Gibbs had seen DiNozzo take a bullet in his shoulder and in the side, but the younger man still managed to fire his own weapon, killing one of the kidnappers that they had been pursuing. As Gibbs had raised his gun to fire at the other perpetrator, Tony had inadvertently stumbled in the former Marine’s line of fire as he started to empty his chamber. He watched in horror as DiNozzo collapsed to the ground in a lifeless heap beside the body of the second kidnapper.

Gibbs had quickly secured the area and made certain that the girl was safe, but now his priority, his only priority, was Tony. Knowing that DiNozzo had taken two bullets in his back, the older man was careful not to move Tony unnecessarily. He took off his jacket and pressed it against the wound in the younger man’s shoulder to help control the bleeding. Why hadn’t he taken the time to insist they put on their bullet proof vests?

“It’s all right, Tony,” he whispered. “I’ve got you.”

“Boss?” Tony managed to gasp.

“Don’t talk, Tony,” Gibbs instructed.

DiNozzo weakly smiled. “That’s …im…possible, Boss.”

“DiNozzo…” Gibbs attempted to sound menacing, but he was forced to choke back a sob as Tony groaned in pain. “Just rest, Tony,” he finally said.

Tony’s breathing was becoming labored, but that didn’t stop him from asking about the welfare of the girl. “Sar…ah, okay?”

“She’s fine,” the team leader assured him.

“I screwed…up, Boss.”

“No, you didn’t Tony. You did good.” Gibbs felt Tony’s blood seep between his fingers; he forced himself to press a little harder on the wound causing the agent to cry out.

“Sorry, DiNozzo. I know it hurts like hell, but I’ve got to slow down the bleeding,” he hurriedly explained.

“It’s…okay, B…Boss.”

“Just take it easy. Let me do all the work.”

“Been waiting a long…time for…you…to…say that.”

Gibbs couldn’t help but be amused by Tony’s attempt to alleviate the seriousness of the situation. “DiNozzo, if I wasn’t trying to keep you from bleeding to death, I’d head slap you.”

“Sorry, Boss.”

“Don’t worry; I’ll put it on your tab.”

“Hope…you get …the chance…to collect.”

“I intend to,” Gibbs vowed.

When Tony closed his eyes, Gibbs felt the knot that had formed in the pit of his stomach tighten. Despite the previous orders of not talking that he had issued to DiNozzo, he needed to hear his senior agent’s voice. Tony’s constant rambling was a sure sign that he was still fighting.

“Tony? I need you stay with me,” the ex-Marine insisted.

“Trying…Boss,” Tony muttered.

“I know.”

“Boss?”

“Yeah?”

He met Tony’s pain filled eyes with his own concerned gaze. “What is it, Tony?” he asked again.

Tony licked his parched lips. “I can’t feel…my legs, Gibbs. I can’t…”

The former Marine didn’t know what to say. His guilt prevented him from admitting to Tony that he was responsible for shooting him in the back. “Just relax, Tony. The ambulance is on its way.”

“Why…can’t I feel…them?”

“Tony, I…”

He never got the opportunity to tell DiNozzo the truth. He could hear the sirens blaring as the ambulance approached. “The cavalry’s here, DiNozzo.”

Gibbs helplessly watched as Tony closed his eyes, losing the battle to stay conscious. Maybe he shouldn’t have insisted that DiNozzo stay awake; then he wouldn’t have heard the pain and desperation in his senior field agent’s voice when he asked why he couldn’t feel his legs. The team leader silently chastised himself for not being able to supply Tony with an honest answer. “You’re a damn coward, Jethro,” he mumbled under his breath.

He didn’t look up as the ambulance came to a screeching halt, his eyes remained fixed on DiNozzo’s still form. Within just a few seconds, the paramedics were motioning him to step aside so they could devote their full concentration on Tony. Gibbs stood up and watched as the two men assessed the injured man. He could tell by the solemn expression on the paramedics faces that Tony was not doing well.

“We’re going to wrap and run,” the EMT informed him. “We can fit the girl in front, but I’m afraid that we’re going to need all the room we can get in the back.”

Gibbs nodded his understanding as he watched the paramedics secure Tony on a backboard and then lifted him onto the gurney. He knew that he couldn’t leave until the rest of his team was at the crime scene. The team leader helped the girl into the front of the ambulance as Tony was loaded into the rear. “Tell the doctor to do whatever they have to do to save his life,” he ordered the paramedic.

“Don’t worry; he’ll be in good hands.”

He watched the ambulance until he could no longer see it. Standing alone in the road, he looked at the bodies of the dead kidnappers, realizing that his obsession with finding these men and their hostage was not only going to cost him another piece of his sanity, it was going to cost him his son.

***end flashback***


“Jethro?”

The team leader glanced over his shoulder to discover his long time friend and colleague, Dr. Donald Mallard standing behind him, concern evident in the ME’s eyes. Gibbs acknowledged Ducky with a curt nod and turned back to gaze out the window once again.

“Has there been any word?” Ducky softly inquired.

Gibbs shook his head. “No. Not yet.”

“How long has he been in surgery?”

“Close to two hours,” he answered.

“I’m sure that we’ll know something soon, Jethro,” Ducky assured him. “In the meantime, I thought you could use this.”

A cup of steaming coffee appeared in front of him, courtesy of the kind hearted doctor. Gibbs took the cup and mumbled an almost inaudible, “Thanks, Duck.”

“You’re quite welcome. I know how dreadful the coffee in these hospital waiting rooms can be and I figured that you would need a fresh cup by now. I remember when Tony was in the hospital recovering from the plague, you had to bring your own brew from home and fix it in his room.”

Gibbs took a sip of his coffee. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Can I get you anything else?”

“A doctor who can tell me how DiNozzo’s doing,” the ex-Marine growled.

“Unfortunately, I can’t just snap my fingers and make a doctor appear. Of course, there was that time in London when…”

“He couldn’t feel his legs, Duck!” Gibbs angrily exclaimed, not caring that he interrupted another one of the ME’s trips down memory lane.

“There could be several explanations for the loss of sensation in his legs,” Ducky tried to rationalize.

“No, there’s not,” Gibbs argued. “There’s only one explanation that matters!”

“And that is?”

“The fact that I shot Tony in the back and now he can’t feel his legs.”

Gibbs could sense Ducky’s surprise. He had admitted his guilt to no one until a few seconds ago and now he had no choice but to accept that he had all but destroyed Tony’s life.

“What do you mean you shot him?” Ducky pressed.

“Just what I said, Duck.”

“Do you care to elaborate?”

He didn’t particularly want to relive those terrifying moments, but Gibbs knew that he was going to have to, and in all probability, more than once. There would be inquiries, reports, and interviews where he was going to have to explain over and over why Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was...

Gibbs silently chastised himself. Tony wasn’t dead; not yet. But when DiNozzo realized that he couldn’t walk, what then?

The team leader felt Ducky give his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Jethro, tell me what happened,” the ME urged.

“We got a response to the BOLO we put out on the kidnappers and Tony and I responded. I cut them off and we got out of the car and they opened fire on us.. Tony got hit a couple of times, but he managed to take out one of the perps. I was shooting at the other one and I didn’t see DiNozzo, somehow he managed to stepped right in front me as I fired and…” Gibbs blew out a frustrated breath. “I thought he was down when I started to fire. I didn’t see him.”

“Then it was an accident,” Ducky concluded.

“Do you think that DiNozzo will see it as an accident?”

“Yes, I do. I have found Tony to have a very forgiving spirit. If he didn’t, then he would have never made it past his wretched childhood.”

“This is different, Duck. It’s not about his father leaving him in a hotel in a Hawaii; it’s about me ruining his life. My obsession and recklessness is going to change his life forever. Tony will never survive if he has to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair.”

“Are you listening to yourself, Jethro? You’ve condemned Tony to a wheelchair and he’s not even out of surgery yet. As Abby would say, we must have positive thoughts.”

Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose. “Positive thoughts? You weren’t there, Duck. You didn’t see his eyes when he asked me why he couldn’t feel his legs. He didn’t realize that I had even shot him.”

“Jethro, it was an accident,” Ducky reminded him once again.

The team leader shook his head. “You weren’t there,” he whispered. “You weren’t there.”

“Excuse me, Agent Gibbs.”

Turning around, he saw the nurse that he had spoken with earlier standing behind him, concern etched on her youthful features. “Nurse Hutson, has there been any word?”

“Agent DiNozzo is still in surgery, but the doctor would like to speak to you on the phone,” she informed him. “He wants to update you and he needs to make you aware of a few things.”

He felt sick. Gibbs had a feeling that he knew what the doctor was going to tell him and he wasn’t sure that he was ready to hear the official word. He swallowed back the bile and followed the Ms. Hutson back down the hallway to the nurse’s station. Picking up the receiver, he took a deep breath, mentally preparing for the worst.

Clearing his throat, he unwillingly answered the phone. “Agent Gibbs…”

“Agent Gibbs, my name is Dr. Winesett. I’m the chief of trauma and I’m overseeing Agent DiNozzo’s surgery. You are listed as his next of kin, so I thought I would call you and let you know how things are progressing.”

Gibbs took a deep breath and then blew it out in an effort to tamp down the nausea that was plaguing him. The doctor had said that he was going to tell him how things were progressing; that meant that Tony was still alive and still fighting. “I’d appreciate that,” the team leader replied, his voice radiating more confidence than he felt.

“Agent DiNozzo as you know was brought in with multiple gun shot wounds; one to his shoulder, a graze on his side, and he took two bullets in his back.”

He closed his eyes struggling to block the image of the bleeding man out of his mind. It was no use. Gibbs knew that he would never be able to forget the look in Tony’s pain filled eyes. “I’m aware of that,” he said.

“Well, the graze to his side was deep,” Dr. Winesett continued. “Despite the number of stitches that it required, the damage was minimal. He’ll be uncomfortable for a while, but that is the least of our concerns.”

“Meaning what?”

“The bullet in his shoulder nicked an artery and in turn, he lost a lot of blood. One of our vascular surgeons has been able to remove the bullet and repair the artery, but the bullet was deep and the damage to his muscles was extensive. It will take some intensive physical therapy, but he should regain full function of that shoulder and arm.”

Gibbs licked his parched lips. “He told me that he couldn’t feel his legs. The uh…bullets that he took in the back, did they…” The team leader couldn’t bear to even utter the words. He was thankful that Dr. Winesett seemed to be able to understand his question.

“Right now, all I can tell you is that the two bullets that entered his back have done a great deal of damage not only to his spinal cord, but to some of his internal organs as well. We’re just now getting to the point where we can concentrate on his other injuries; our first priority was his shoulder because of the danger of him bleeding out.

“His vitals are weak and erratic. I’m not sure how much longer I can risk keeping him in surgery. We may have to give his body a little time to recover before we can even begin to assess the damage to his spine.”

That was not the answer that Gibbs wanted to hear. He wanted to know now, right this moment, if Tony was going to be able to walk again and Dr. Winesett was not supplying him with the answers that he needed to hear. Gibbs wanted the doctor to tell him that everything was fine and that DiNozzo’s spinal cord wasn’t damaged beyond repair and that his senior field agent was going to walk out of the hospital on his own free will.

“There’s nothing else you can tell me right now?” Gibbs pressed.

“No, I’m sorry,” Winesett apologized. “When Agent DiNozzo is in recovery, I’ll come and find you. Hopefully, I’ll know a little more by then.”

“You better know a lot more, Doc,” Gibbs growled, hanging up the phone in one fluid motion. He leaned his forehead against the wall and began to clench and unclench his fist. The team leader knew that he shouldn’t have taken his irritation at himself out on Dr. Winesett, but the frustration of not knowing was eating away at him. “Damn it,” he muttered under his breath.

“Jethro?” Ducky called to him. “Jethro, what did the doctor say?”

Gibbs relayed what little information he knew to his friend. Ducky hung onto every word, sometimes asking questions that he wished he had thought to ask. Pushing himself off the wall, he began to pace in front of the nurse’s station. “The doctor said that the two bullets that entered Tony’s back have done a lot of damage to his spine and to some of his internal organs. They really didn’t know anything else.”

“I would venture to say that there is a substantial amount of swelling around his spinal cord and that until the swelling goes down, it may be difficult to ascertain the damage,” the ME deduced. “The doctors here are among the best in the nation; I’m sure that they will do everything they can for Tony.”

Gibbs merely nodded at Ducky’s attempt at consolation. “I need some air,” he finally mumbled.

“Do you want some company?”

“No. Stay here in case…in case the doctor comes by. I won’t be gone long.”

Gibbs didn’t wait for elevator to arrive. He needed to get outside and into the cool evening air. Taking the steps two at a time, he barely cleared the door before he found himself kneeling on the ground, losing the contents of his stomach. His retching quickly turned into dry heaves and it was more than a few minutes before he could muster the strength to stand.

Finally pushing himself up off the ground, he slowly made his way over to an empty picnic table. He sat down, his hands cradling his now aching head. Why couldn’t he just wake up from this nightmare? If he could only go back in time and do things differently, maybe Tony wouldn’t be in surgery fighting for his life.

How could he have let this happen? He should have learned his lesson with Ari. That particular obsession had cost Kate her life and now he had to face the possibility of losing Tony because he had lost his objectivity on this last case. He had allowed his personal feelings to cloud his judgment, something that he should not have permitted. Gibbs could only hope that someday Tony would be able to forgive him.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


McGee pulled the truck into its customary parking space and cut off the engine. He glanced over at Ziva who was still staring out the window. They had not spoken since leaving the crime scene, each content to be left alone with their own thoughts. Now they were back at work and had to acknowledge a reality that they had yet to accept themselves.

“Ready to go inside?” he asked, shattering the silence between them.

Ziva’s gaze remained fixed. “Not really.”

“Me neither,” McGee admitted.

“I can not stop thinking about what happened.”

“I know what you mean.”

McGee didn’t think that he would ever be able to forget the sight of Tony’s blood staining the asphalt. He and Ziva had arrived as DiNozzo was being loaded into the ambulance; the urgency in the paramedic’s voices told the agents that their friend’s condition was grave. Neither of them knew what happened and Gibbs didn’t seem to be able or willing to answer their inquiries. The team leader was focused on Tony and the life sustaining acts that were being initiated by the two paramedics.

The junior agent couldn’t help but notice the blood that covered Gibbs’ hands. He knew that it was Tony’s blood and that realization unnerved him. As the ambulance was getting ready to leave with Tony and the young girl that they had rescued, Gibbs managed to quickly inform them as to what had happened, but McGee had the feeling that the former Marine was not being entirely honest with them.

He and Ziva had assured Gibbs that they could process the crime scene without him, knowing that he needed to be at the hospital with Tony. They had spent the better part of the afternoon along with Jimmy Palmer trying to find the missing pieces of the puzzle. Unfortunately, the puzzle that they had put together did not result in a beautiful picture; instead, the picture was a collage of blood and gunfire resulting in Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo barely clinging to life.

“We better get this evidence to Abby,” McGee suggested.

“There is not that much to process. It is abundantly clear what happened,” Ziva snapped.

“It is?”

“Yes.”

“Care to enlighten me since you’ve obviously given this some thought?”

McGee heard Ziva sigh. As she turned to face him, he could sense the myriad of emotions churning inside her; he could easily empathize with the Mossad officer, he was trying to get a handle on his own feelings. Anger, confusion, and worry, were their constant companions now and would be until they were able to talk with Gibbs.

“Tony and Gibbs managed to cut off the suspects,” Ziva began. “The kidnappers then opened fired on them. Tony was obviously hit, but he apparently still managed to kill one of them and Gibbs shot the other one.”

He rolled his eyes. “Ziva, that sounds exactly like what Gibbs told us.”

“Yes it does.”

“But you’re not buying that?”

Ziva shook her head. “McGee, you are a trained investigator, are you not?”

“Yeah,” he said.

“As am I.”

“Ziva, what are you getting at?”

“There are too many questions left unanswered.”

“Such as?”

McGee was trying not to wither under Ziva’s intense glare. “Do not try and play the stool McGee,” she warned.

“You mean fool,” he instinctively corrected.

“Whatever. You know what I am talking about.”

He nodded, inadvertently blowing out a pent up breath. “Yeah, I know and you’re right.”

“Why did they not have their protective vests on?”

“I don’t know. Maybe there wasn’t time,” he suggested, a hint of hopefulness in his voice.

“They could have taken the time before they got in the car,” Ziva reasoned. “And how do you explain Tony getting shot in the back?”

“Maybe the second perp shot him when he was taking down the first one.”

“I do not think so. The measurements and sketches tell another story.”

“What do you think happened?” McGee nervously asked.

“I think Gibbs shot Tony.”

McGee tightly clenched his jaw. Ziva had uttered the very words that he had been afraid to speak. He had developed his suspicions after snapping the photos of the crime scene, but had elected to keep his findings to himself. Evidently, Ziva had done the same thing.

“It had to be an accident,” McGee replied, defending the man that he considered to be his mentor.

“Of course it was an accident,” Ziva agreed. “I am just not sure how Gibbs accidentally shooting one of his team will be viewed by…others.”

“We need to talk to Gibbs.”

“Before we talk to anyone else,” Ziva added.

McGee nodded. “All right, we’ll take the evidence to Abby and then go to the hospital.”

“Not a word to anyone.”

“Not even to Abby?”

“You can tell Abby of our suspicions, but no one else.”

McGee knew that Gibbs had to be carrying a heavy load of guilt upon his shoulders. He hoped for the team leader’s sake that he was wrong, but his gut was telling him otherwise. “If Gibbs did shoot Tony…” McGee couldn’t finish his thought.

“I know, McGee. I know,” Ziva whispered.

The two agents got out of the truck, collected the boxes of evidence, and made their way to Abby’s lab. With the exception of a couple of agents asking them if they had heard anything about how Tony was doing, their journey to the lab was uneventful. As they entered the lab, the first thing that he and Ziva noticed was that the usual blaring music that Abby preferred had been replaced by the softer sounds of jazz. They exchanged worried glances. “Abby?” McGee called out.

She came walking out of her office, wiping away the tears as they fell down her cheeks. McGee sat the box of evidence down and walked over to her. “Abby, are you all right?”

“No,” Abby replied as she began to pace. “I’m not all right. Tony’s been shot and I’m stuck here processing evidence. I need to be at the hospital.”

“There’s nothing you can do there, Abby,” he pointed out. “At least here you can stay busy and keep your mind off…”

“Off of what, McGee? How am I supposed to keep my mind off of Tony? I need to be there for him and for Gibbs. Gibbs must be going out of his mind!”

McGee placed his hands on the Goth’s shoulders, forcing her to stand still and listen to him. Convinced that he had her attention, he knew that he had to tell her about what they had pieced together from the crime scene. Abby had a special bond with the team leader and the last thing McGee wanted to do was to say or do anything that would destroy that relationship.

“Abby,” he nervously began. “Ziva and I have something to tell you.”


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


He sensed someone approaching him. Jethro Gibbs looked up from where he was sitting to discover the young lady that he and Tony had just rescued a few hours ago. Sarah Carpenter was the daughter of Major Thomas Carpenter. Sarah had been a witness to the murder of a marine and had been kidnapped to prevent her from testifying. There was no doubt in Gibbs’ mind that she would end up dead, just like Shannon and Kelly, and he was not about to let that happen. He was determined to spare her father the same grief that he had suffered. Finding Sarah became his top priority and his team blindly followed him on yet another self destructive path, trying to make sure that he didn’t cross the fine line of justice once again.

“Agent Gibbs,” she shyly greeted.

“Sarah, how are you?” he asked, his voice betraying his weariness.

“I’m fine. Just a few bruises, here and there,” Sarah replied. “I was waiting on my dad to come and pick me up and I saw you just sitting over here all alone; I thought I would come over and thank you for finding me. You rescued me just in time. They were going to…”

Gibbs stood up and with his calloused thumb, wiped away Sarah’s tears. “I know. I’m glad you’re all right. You just go home and enjoy being a teenager.”

“I will,” she promised. “As a matter of fact, I plan on going to the mall tomorrow. I think that I can get a major shopping spree out of this ordeal,” she teased.

The former Marine grinned. “I bet you can.”

“I…uh…also want to tell you that I know that Agent DiNozzo got hurt because of me and I’ll never be able to repay him for…”

“Agent DiNozzo was doing his job. He wasn’t hurt because of you.” He was hurt because of my carelessness, Gibbs silently mused. “He wouldn’t want you blaming yourself for any of this,” he continued, knowing that he would be carrying enough guilt for the both of them.

“Someday when he’s feeling better, I’d like to thank him,” Sarah said.

“I’m sure he’d like that.”

“We’ll be in touch. I’m sure that my father will insist on a commendation for you and Agent DiNozzo.”

“That won’t be necessary. Just knowing that you’re going to get the chance to finish growing up is all the reward that we need,” he assured her.

Sarah stood on her toes and placed a kiss on Gibbs’ cheek. “Thanks again.”

“You’re welcome.”

Gibbs watched her as she went back inside to wait for her father. After Sarah was out of sight, he glanced at his watch and realized that almost another two hours had passed. He needed to get back inside, but part of him wasn’t sure that he was ready to face the reality that awaited him. All he wanted to hear was that Tony was going to be all right and he knew that the doctor couldn’t tell him that.

His phone rang and he glanced at the caller ID. It was Duck. “Gibbs.”

“Jethro, they are moving Tony to recovery and Dr. Winesett is on his way up here and he wants to talk to you.”

“I’m on my way.”

Gibbs hung up the phone and began making his way up to the waiting area. He was a few minutes away from learning if he had ruined Tony’s life forever; a thought that was becoming harder and harder to live with. If he was having a hard time accepting the possibility, how would DiNozzo react? Would Tony think that his life wasn’t worth living if he couldn’t walk?

He had to force those thoughts out of his mind. Gibbs knew that he needed to have a clear head when he talked to Dr. Winesett. Until Tony could make his own decisions, he was responsible for the young man and it was a responsibility that he took very seriously. He silently vowed that no matter what the outcome, Tony would not have to face the future alone.

Abby was still having a difficult time believing what had happened. Her worst fears had been realized when Ducky had informed her that Tony had been shot. Memories of Kate’s untimely death came flooding back and it had taken a few minutes for the ME to convince her that Tony was still alive.

As soon as she was alone, Abby put on one of Tony’s favorite jazz albums and sat down on the floor, hugging Bert to her chest. “You have to be all right Tony, or I’ll kick your ass. The last thing I told you was to be careful and what happens?” She squeezed the hippo tighter. “You go and get shot.”

“Abby?”

It was McGee. He and Ziva were bringing her evidence to process from the crime scene and she wasn’t looking forward to the task. Wiping her tears, she met them as McGee set a box of evidence and asked, “Abby, are you all right?”

The Goth began to pace. Maybe that last Caf-Pow! hadn’t been such a good idea. “No, I’m not all right! Tony’s been shot and I’m here processing evidence. I need to be at the hospital!”

“There’s nothing you can do there, Abby. At least here you can stay busy and keep your mind off…”

“Off of what, McGee? How am I supposed to keep my mind off of Tony? I need to be there for him and for Gibbs. Gibbs must be going out of his mind!”

Abby suddenly found herself face to face with McGee as he blocked her path. The look in Tim’s eyes scared her. Something was wrong.

“Abby,” McGee began. “Ziva and I have something to tell you.”

“What’s wrong? Tony’s not…the Director said that he wasn’t…oh my God, he’s dead, isn’t he?”

McGee shook his head. “No,” he quickly answered. “The last we heard, Tony was still in surgery.”

Balling up her fist, she punched him in the shoulder.

“Ow!” he cried out. “What was that for?”

“For scaring the hell out of me!”

Pushing past McGee, she began to sort through the evidence. “Is this all there is?”

She glared at McGee when he grabbed the evidence bag out of her hand. “Abby, you’ve got to hear us out!” he demanded, his tone carrying a sharper edge than she was used to.

Abby crossed her arms and impatiently waited for McGee to continue. She wasn’t sure that she wanted to hear what he had to say, but she also knew that she really didn’t have a choice. Abby could see the concern and uncertainly shadowing the faces of her friends; whatever they had to tell her was obviously causing them a great deal of stress.

Her expression softened as she pulled McGee into a hug, crushing the evidence bag between them as she apologized profusely. “I’m sorry, Timmy. I’m so sorry. I’m just so worried about Tony and…”

“I know, Abs,” he murmured in her ear. “We’re all worried about Tony.”

Pulling away, she leaned against the counter and closed her eyes, mentally preparing herself to hear and absorb what McGee was going to tell her. She opened her eyes and nodded, “All right. I’m ready.”

McGee blew out a pent up breath. “Abby, there’s no easy way to say this.”

“Say what?” Abby anxiously inquired.

She watched with interest as McGee glanced in Ziva, who in turn acknowledged his silent question with a curt nod. He turned his attention back to Abby and continued, his confidence seemingly increasing a notch or two.

“You know that Tony was shot four times. Once in the side, once in the shoulder, and twice in the back.”

“Ducky told me that much,” she said.

“Well, Ziva and I were processing the crime scene and we discovered something unexpected,” McGee explained. “Judging from the sketches, measurements, and photos, we think that, I mean the evidence indicates that the bullets that Tony took in the back didn’t come from the guns of the perps.”

“What are you saying, McGee?”

“We suspect that Gibbs shot Tony in the back,” McGee finally admitted.

“What? That’s impossible!” Abby vehemently declared. “Gibbs would never hurt Tony!”

“I’m sure it was an accident,” Ziva quickly added. “A miscalculation or…”

“Gibbs doesn’t make miscalculations, Ziva!”

“Not usually,” the Mossad officer corrected. “But you have to admit that Gibbs’ judgment has been clouded these past few days. He was obsessed with finding Sarah and perhaps he just did not see Tony. Until we talk to Gibbs…”

“He’s innocent until proven guilty!” Abby snapped. “He wouldn’t shoot Tony.”

“Abby, I know that this is difficult for you to hear, but once you start processing the evidence, you will come to the same conclusions. We are on our way to the hospital to talk to Gibbs and until we know exactly what happened, we need to keep this under wraps. Not just for Gibbs’ sake, but for Tony’s as well.”

The Goth nodded in agreement. “All right, but you’re wrong. Gibbs would not do that to Tony. I mean Tony is like his son and…”

“We know, Abby. That’s why we have to know for sure,” McGee said.

“Then you both better get out of my lab,” Abby ordered. “It looks like I’ve got some work to do.”

“Abby…”

Grabbing McGee by the shoulders, she turned him around and pointed him towards the door. “I’ll call you when I have something.”

She waited until Ziva and McGee left before she picked up another evidence bag. It was Tony’s gun. How was she supposed to do this? Ziva and McGee wouldn’t lie to her. They were trained investigators and they wouldn’t have told her of their suspicions unless they truly believed that Gibbs had shot Tony. There had to be a mistake and she was going to prove them wrong. She had to. Abby couldn’t shake the feeling that the only way to keep her family from falling apart was to prove that Gibbs was innocent of any wrongdoing.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Gibbs joined Ducky as Dr. Winesett escorted them to his office. He was glad that the ME was here with him; the team leader knew that he would have a lot of questions and Ducky would be able to help him sort out what exactly Dr. Winesett was saying. As much as he dreaded hearing about Tony’s condition, he wanted the truth. He didn’t want any false platitudes; Gibbs simply wanted to know if he had ruined DiNozzo’s life.

The doctor gestured for them to sit down as he pulled up a chair and joined them. Gibbs was impressed that this doctor didn’t hide behind his desk; Dr. Winesett evidently wasn’t one to distance himself from his patients and their families. “I’m sorry I kept you waiting,” the physician began. “I wanted to make sure that Agent DiNozzo was settled in recovery before I spoke with you. He should be in there another half hour before we move him to the Critical Care Unit.”

“Well as you can imagine Dr. Winesett, we are most anxious to hear about how young Anthony is doing,” Ducky said.

The team leader nodded in agreement, uncertain of whether he could trust his voice to speak.

“Of course. Well, I already told you about the wound to his shoulder and his side. Barring any unforeseen complications, Agent DiNozzo should fully recover from those injuries,” the doctor stated with confidence.

Clearing his throat, Gibbs managed to ask, “What about the bullets he took in his back?”

“His right ureter was torn by shrapnel from one of the bullets. In simple terms, the ureter is the tube that connects the kidney to the bladder. He also had some fragments imbedded in his right kidney but thankfully, the damage wasn’t too severe. We managed to remove the fragments and repair the ureter, but we will have to keep an eye on his kidney and bladder function for quite a while.”

“What about the other bullet? The one you don’t want to tell me about?”

“Right now, there is too much swelling around his spinal cord to know the full extent of the damage,” the doctor informed them.

“But you have a pretty good idea, don’t you, Doc?”

“Yeah,” Winesett admitted.

“Well?” Gibbs pressed.

“Because he was shot as such close range, the damage ended up being quite severe. His spinal cord has been partially severed between the T10 and T11 vertebrae. He also has several fragments lodged against his spine that are too risky to remove at this time. Hopefully when the swelling goes down, we’ll be able to remove them before they cause too many problems.”

Gibbs cradled his head in his hands. He felt Ducky squeeze his shoulder, reminding him that he wasn’t alone. The team leader took a deep breath and blew it out, knowing that he had to pull himself together. Meeting the doctor’s compassionate gaze, he asked, “What now?”

“For now, we are going to keep him in a drug induced coma to keep him still. Until the swelling goes down and we can see what we’re facing, I don’t want the chance of him trying to move around and doing even more damage.”

“How long will you keep him in the coma?” Ducky asked.

“At least two or three days,” Winesett answered. “It’ll also give his body a chance to start healing without having the added stress of discovering that he’s…”

“Paralyzed.” Gibbs abruptly stated, finishing the doctor’s sentence.

“Agent Gibbs, your agent has the top surgeons and physicians attending to him; we are doing everything we can to help Agent DiNozzo.”

“Will it be enough to help him walk again?”

Dr. Winesett fell silent. Gibbs had his answer. DiNozzo was now facing life in a wheelchair and it was his fault. “Can I see him?”

“Of course, I’ll take you up to Critical Care. I want to check on him before I leave for the day.”

The trio began their trek towards CCU, the two doctors engrossed in conversation as the former Marine tried to follow the medical jargon. Ducky and Dr. Winesett were discussing the potential problems Tony was facing, and Gibbs had to admit to himself that he wasn’t ready to consider what the future held for DiNozzo. The team leader was having enough trouble dealing with the present; he knew that Ducky would fill him on the sordid details later.

Gibbs was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize that they were now standing outside the door of the Critical Care Unit. “If you gentlemen will wait here, I’ll have a nurse come and get you when Tony’s settled in,” the doctor assured them.

The team leader merely nodded as the ME thanked Dr. Winesett. As soon as the physician was out of sight, Gibbs walked into the waiting area and sat down on the couch. He knew that Ducky had followed him and was now sitting beside him, waiting for him to say something. Although he was considered to be a man of few words, at the moment, he had nothing to say.

“Jethro?” Ducky called out to him.

“Yeah?”

“There’s still hope, Jethro. Once the swelling goes down…”

“He’s still going to be paralyzed, isn’t he?”

Ducky nodded. “Yes, but the damage may not be as severe as they think. We’re just going to have to wait and see.”

“I don’t want to wait, Duck! I want somebody to tell me that Tony is going to walk again. How can I face him knowing I did this to him?”

“It was an accident, Jethro,” Ducky reasoned. “A horrible accident and nothing more.”

“It should have never happened!”

“But it did and you are going to have to accept that fact. Tony is going to need all our support, especially yours.”

“When he finds out what I’ve done, he’s not going to want me anywhere around him,” he growled.

“I think you’re underestimating Anthony. He’s proven to be quite the fighter and I can’t imagine that he would let something like this change his perspective on life.”

Gibbs leaned his head back against the cushion. “You really believe that, Duck?”

The ME sat down beside him. “It will take him some time to get used to the idea, but I do believe that Anthony will be able to reclaim his life.”

“I hope you’re right, but I know DiNozzo and I know how he thinks. This is going to kill him.”

“Jethro, I…”

“Duck, please,” the ex-Marine snapped.

“Very well,” the ME replied.

The team leader had not meant to hurt Ducky’s feelings, but he couldn’t bear to hear any more promises that everything was going to be all right. The fact remained that things were never going to be the same all because of one careless moment.

Gibbs tried closing his eyes, wishing that he could block the images playing in his mind. He wasn’t sure if he ever going to be able to look Tony in the eye again; truthfully, he wasn’t sure that he would even be able to stand looking at his own reflection in the mirror.

“I’m sorry, Duck,” he said. “I didn’t mean to yell at you. I’m not angry at you. I’m angry at myself.”

“It’s quite all right, Jethro. I assure you that I didn’t take it personally. In fact, I remember a time when…”

Before Ducky could continue his recollection, a nurse came in the waiting room to inform them that they could see Tony. Nodding his thanks, Gibbs stood up and followed the nurse into the CCU, the ME staying close behind him.

Stopping just outside Tony’s room, the nurse introduced herself. “My name is Hannah and I’ll be Agent DiNozzo’s nurse for the rest of the evening. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to ask.”

“Jethro Gibbs and this is Dr. Donald Mallard,” the team leader stated.

“I’m sure that you’re aware that Dr. Winesett is keeping Agent DiNozzo in a drug induced coma for a couple of days so his body can begin healing. He is hooked up to several IV’s and monitors, and we’re still trying to replenish the blood he lost, but thankfully, he’s not on a respirator. Of course, because of his history, we will be watching for signs of pneumonia. Dr. Pitt has been notified that Agent DiNozzo has been admitted, so I figure he’ll be stopping by.”

The Scotsman leaned over and whispered to the team leader. “That’s good. I was actually going to suggest we notify him of the situation.”

Gibbs nodded in agreement as he stared through the window at Tony’s still form. “Can I go on in?” he quietly inquired.

“Of course,” Hannah answered. “I would even suggest talking to him; it may help his recovery. You would be amazed at what people in comas seem to remember once they are awake.”

“Been there, done that,” Gibbs mumbled.

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing.”

“Jethro, you go on in and be with Tony,” Ducky suggested. “I’ll be along in a few minutes after I look at his chart.” The ME smiled at the nurse. “I am his primary physician after all.”

“I know,” she said, returning the older man’s grin. “I’ve read his history. Not everybody has a medical examiner as their family doctor.”

“I just have two patients, but of course, they keep me very busy. They constantly remind me why I prefer to work with the dead. They can’t talk back,” the doctor teased.

Ignoring the exchange of banter between Ducky and the nurse, Gibbs slowly entered Tony’s room. If it hadn’t been for the tubes and wires attached to the younger man’s body, he would have assumed that Tony had merely been sleeping. The only sign that he had been wounded was the fact that his left arm was bound to his body; all his other injuries were being hidden by the blanket that was pulled up to his chest.

Gibbs pulled a chair up beside his bed. Tony had been by his side for almost seven years and this was how he repaid his loyalty, by putting him in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. He placed his hand on top of Tony’s, mindful of the IV’s supplying life saving measures to the agent’s ravaged body. If DiNozzo were awake, he would probably chafe at the physical contact, insisting that Gibbs not make a fuss, but secretly cherishing the attention he was receiving.

Tony was an enigma, that much was for certain. DiNozzo wanted Gibbs’ approval more than anything and he knew that, but Tony wasn’t afraid to challenge his decisions if he thought the team leader was wrong. Just this morning, DiNozzo had questioned the former Marine’s judgment in the case of Sarah Carpenter and Gibbs had all but ignored him. Maybe if he had listened, Tony wouldn’t be lying in CCU, unaware that his life was about to change forever.

Ducky glanced at his watch, mentally calculating that Jethro had been sitting by Tony’s bedside for over half an hour. He had a feeling that the team leader would refuse to leave the younger man’s side, at least until DiNozzo was permitted to wake up from his drug induced coma. Once Tony was fully cognizant of what had happened, Gibbs believed that his senior field agent would want nothing more to do with him. The ME had tried to convince his old friend that he shouldn’t underestimate Tony’s knack for beating the odds; after all, the man had survived the plague. However, Ducky’s words had fallen on deaf ears.

Guilt was consuming the former Marine and Ducky was afraid that Gibbs would let it destroy him. Jethro thought of Tony as the son that he never had. Truthfully, DiNozzo and Gibbs were very much alike and anyone who had ever spent time around the two of them could see this as well. The belief that he was responsible for Tony’s condition was going to be a difficult burden for the team leader to bear.

“Oh Jethro,” he sighed. “I wish I knew what to say to convince you that you are not to blame. It was a dreadful accident and…”

He suddenly got the feeling that he was no longer alone. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought that Jethro was standing behind him. Ducky looked over his shoulder to discover Dr. Brad Pitt standing in the doorway of the doctor’s lounge. The younger doctor was wearing an amused grin, prompting Ducky to ask, “Haven’t you ever seen someone talk to themselves before?”

“I do it all the time,” Dr. Pitt assured him as he extended his hand.

“Bradley!” Ducky enthusiastically shook the other man’s hand. “It’s good to see you again, my boy!”

“It’s good to see you too, Dr. Mallard,” Brad said. “I just wish it was under better circumstances.”

“I do too,” the ME agreed. “Please sit down and join me; I was just waiting on Jethro, although I don’t think he’ll be leaving anytime soon.”

“I take it he’s with Tony right now.”

“Yes,” Ducky replied. “Are you on your way to see Anthony? I know that Dr. Winesett called you in to keep a check on Tony’s lungs.”

Brad nodded as he sat down opposite the medical examiner. “Yes he did. Because of Tony’s history, he thought it was a good idea. I was just studying his chart before I went in to see him.”

“Not very promising, is it?”

“No, it’s not. I’m sorry, Dr. Mallard. I wish that the prognosis was better.”

“Now Bradley, must I remind you that my friends call me Ducky,” the Scotsman reminded him. “I certainly count you among my friends, young man.”

“Thank you, Dr. Mallard, I mean Ducky,” Pitt quickly corrected.

Ducky nodded his approval as he took a sip of the coffee that had been sitting in front of him. He made a disgusted face as he swallowed the cold liquid. “I prefer tea, but beggars can’t be choosers,” he stated.

“I know what you mean,” Brad agreed, leaning back in his chair.

The two men cherished the few moments of companionable silence between them; sometimes words weren’t always necessary to convey a message of support between friends. It was Dr. Pitt who finally shattered the stillness. “I assume from your comments that you’ve read Dr. Winesett’s notes.”

“Yes, I have.”

“Dr. Winesett is one of the best doctors I’ve ever had the privilege of working with. Tony’s in good hands.”

“I know that and I respect his opinion. I understand that Anthony will probably never walk again and I will be able to eventually accept it, but I’m not so sure about Tony and Jethro. This is going to be hard on both of them, especially Tony.”

“Tony will pull through this,” Brad said, his voice radiating a confidence that the ME wished that he felt.

“It will just take time,” Ducky added, uncertain if he believed his own words.

“And a lot of patience.”

“Unfortunately, neither Tony nor Jethro are very patient men,” the elder physician pointed out.

“They won’t have a choice.”

Ducky blew out a frustrated breath. “You don’t have to tell me. Why I remember one time when Anthony and Jethro were…” The medical examiner stopped mid-sentence and stared at Brad in disbelief.

“Is there something wrong, Ducky?” Brad asked.

“No. I’m just not used to being able to tell a story in its entirety.”

“Well, I’d love to hear your story,” the young man said. “All I’ve got to do before I leave for the day is to go and check on Tony. I’ll give Agent Gibbs a few more minutes of privacy before I go on in.”

Ducky smiled at his colleague. “Well, in that case…” The ME continued his story of how Tony and Jethro had both been injured during a bust and were forced to spend their recuperation period together and the antics that ensued from their forced convalescence. It was memories such as these that Ducky truly cherished, the ones that he would have to call upon in the difficult days that lay ahead for all of them.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Ziva and McGee entered the Intensive Care Unit and looked around. They had been on their way to the hospital to question Gibbs when Ducky had called them and given them an update on Tony’s condition. The news had not been good, making what they had to do even more difficult. Upon their arrival, the two investigators easily found ICU and it was just a few seconds before a nurse noticed their presence and approached the duo. “Can I help you?” she asked.

“We’re looking for Agent Anthony DiNozzo’s room,” McGee said. “I’m Agent Tim McGee and this is Ziva David; we work with Tony.”

“Agent DiNozzo is in the last room on the left,” the nurse informed them. “He has someone with him right now.”

The Mossad officer glanced at the young lady’s nametag. “Thank you, Hannah. Is the doctor in with him?”

“No. I believe Agent Gibbs is still with Agent DiNozzo; he’s been in there for almost an hour.”

“We need to speak with him,” Ziva said.

“You can go on in but don’t stay too long,” Hannah said. “Even though Agent DiNozzo is in a coma, he still needs his rest.”

“We will not be long.”

As Hannah returned to the nurse’s station, Ziva and McGee cautiously approached Tony’s room. As they peered inside the room, they saw Gibbs sitting in a chair, staring at DiNozzo’s still form. It was unnerving to see Tony so motionless; the only notable movement was the rise and fall of his chest. The senior field agent had an energy about him that was not easily harnessed, but now, that vigor had been subdued to a drug induced slumber and it deeply bothered both Ziva and McGee.

“You two just going to stand there?” Gibbs inquired, his tone flat and nearly devoid of emotion.

Ziva and Tim exchanged a worried glance and quietly entered the room. “How is he?” she finally managed to ask.

“He’s in a coma, Officer David.”

“But Ducky told us that it was drug induced.”

“It’s still a coma.”

“I supposed you are right,” she conceded. “Um, Ducky told us what the doctor said and…”

“Did he tell you that Tony’s not going to walk again?” the team leader snapped.

“Yes, but he also said that until the swelling goes down, they won’t know the extent of the damage. It sounds like there is a possibility that…”

“He’s still going to be paralyzed.”

Ziva took a deep breath and blew it out. “I know and we will see him through this. We are a team and we look out for each other.”

“We’re supposed to. I didn’t do too good of a job looking out for him today.”

Was Gibbs admitting that he was to blame for what happened to Tony? She and McGee had their suspicions but had not voiced them to anyone save for Abby. Ziva nudged her partner and motioned for him to explain to Gibbs their reason for being here.

“Uh, Boss,” McGee called out. “We need to talk to you.”

“It can wait,” Gibbs mumbled.

“No, it can’t. We uh…we have some questions that we need answered.”

“Not now, McGee!”

“I’m sorry, Boss. We have to know the truth.”

The team leader looked up and glared at the two agents. “The truth? You want to know the truth?”

“Some of the evidence isn’t adding up,” McGee further explained. “We think that…”

“That what, McGee?” Gibbs angrily challenged.

“Maybe we should continue this outside,” Ziva suggested.

Gibbs pushed himself up and stormed out of the room. McGee started to follow him, but was stopped by Ziva. “Give him a moment,” she said. “He needs to have a clear head before we question him.”

“You’re right.”

Ziva stood beside Tony’s bed side. She leaned down and gently placed a kiss on his forehead. “We are here for you,” she whispered. “Do not forget that.”

“Do you think he knows we’re here?” McGee asked.

“I have read that people in comas can still hear what is going on around them. If that is the case, then I want Tony to know that we are not going to turn our back on him.”

McGee nodded and made his way to the other side of the bed. “She’s right, Tony,” he added. “We’re going to be here every step…” Tim winced at his choice of words. “We’re here with you, buddy.”

Ziva smiled at her partner. “We need to talk to Gibbs.”

“Do you think he’s had long enough?” Tim nervously asked.

“We have to know what happened.”

They quietly left the room to look for Gibbs. He was nowhere to be found, but Ziva and McGee knew that he wouldn’t venture too far. Ziva approached the nurse’s desk where Hannah was working on a chart. “Excuse me,” she said. “Did you see where Agent Gibbs went?”

“He went to the men’s room and then said that he was going for coffee,” Hannah informed them.

Ziva looked at McGee. “Cafeteria, maybe?”

“I guess it’s a good place to start,” he agreed.

“Or you could try the coffee shop down the street,” the petite nurse suggested.

“Thank you,” Ziva and McGee said in unison.

As they entered the elevator, McGee tried Gibbs’ cell phone. After two rings, the team leader answered. “I’m waiting for you at the coffee shop.”

“We’ll be there in just a minute, Boss.”

Ziva could tell by McGee’s flustered expression that Gibbs had hung up on him. “The way he is acting tells me that our assumptions are correct,” she stated.

“I know, but there has to be a good explanation. I mean, Gibbs threatens to shoot Tony all the time, I don’t think he’d do it on purpose. I know he wouldn’t do it on purpose.”

“I know that, McGee. But when an agent shoots another agent, accidental or not, there is always an investigation. If we can get a handle on what actually happened, we can reflect it in our reports and maybe deflect some of the rumors that will most certainly abound.”

“Good point.”

They exited the hospital and in less than a minute were entering the coffee shop. Gibbs was sitting at a table in the corner, nursing a cup of his preferred brew. He silently greeted them and gestured for the two agents to join him.

“Boss, you know that we don’t want to do this,” McGee began, attempting to assuage the team leader’s precarious temper. “We’re trying to help.”

“No cover up,” Gibbs insisted. “I messed up and I’ll take responsibility for my actions.”

“We just need to know what happed so we can…”

“Did you hear me, McGee? I said no cover ups!”

“We are just trying to help you,” Ziva reasoned.

The teal leader exploded. “Tony and I went into a situation with no back up and I didn’t even give him time to put on his damn vest! We got in a shoot out and two of my bullets ended up in Tony’s back because I lost my objectivity! That’s what happened. Write it up however the hell you want to, but I don’t want the truth hidden behind a bunch of lies.”

“We need to know details. The sketches, measurements, and photos give us a pretty good idea of what happened, but we need to know…”

“Tony took pit one of the perps out, but he was shot. I thought he was down when I started to take the second one out. I didn’t see him get up until it was too late. Once the doctor’s remove what they can, you’ll have the fragments to back up my report.”

“Gibbs, it truly sounds like an accident. You did not shoot Tony on purpose,” Ziva declared.

“No, I didn’t, but that doesn’t change the fact that it was my bullet that severed his spinal cord and let’s not forget about the fragments that the doctors can’t even remove yet. I shot him and now he’s paralyzed. What else do you want me to say?” he growled.

“I want you to realize that it was an accident. Tony will not blame you.”

“He doesn’t need to. I blame myself. Tell the Director that my report will be on her desk as soon as I can get it done.”

“You know that we’ll have to have Tony’s statement as well,” Ziva reminded him.

“I know, but you’ll have to wait until he’s stronger,” Gibbs said.

“We won’t cover anything up, but we’ll delay things as long as we can.”

Gibbs shook his head. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“We’re not doing it for you; we’re doing it for Tony,” she said.

“Does anyone else know?” Gibbs reluctantly inquired.

“We told Abby because she would have eventually figured it out when she started processing evidence.”

“How did she handle it?”

“She was pretty upset; determined to prove you innocent.”

“I need to talk to her. When you go back, tell her I need to see her.”

“Of course,” Ziva replied.

A waitress brought Gibbs another coffee and he nodded his thanks. “I’ve got to get back to Tony. He shouldn’t be alone.”

“Would you like some company?” Ziva offered.

“No. You two go do your job,” the team leader ordered. “I’ll be in touch.”

Ziva and McGee watched Gibbs as he left the coffee shop and headed back towards the hospital. Gibbs had instructed them to do their jobs; the only problem was that as soon as the Director figured out what happened, they would be pulled off the case and another team would be assigned to investigate the shooting. Their team was falling apart and they were powerless to stop it.

“We have got a lot of work to do,” Ziva said.

“Yep, and we are pressed for time,” Tim added.

“Let’s go and see if Abby has found anything and go from there.”

“Good idea and I’ll go and review Sarah Carpenter’s statement to see if there’s something that we’re missing.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

McGee pulled the keys to the car out of his pocket. “Let’s go.”

Ziva snatched them out of his hand. She smiled at the panicked expression on her teammate’s face. “I will drive. After all, we are in a hurry.”


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Abby stared at the screen in front of her, her mind numb as she studied the results of the tests that she had run. She had managed to recreate the scene from the photos and sketches, only to learn the horrid truth that she had initially refused to believe. Gibbs had shot Tony.

She wasn’t sure who she was supposed to be angry or if she was supposed to cry. “This can’t be happening,” she mumbled over and over again.

“What can’t be happening?”

The Goth whirled around as the Director entered the lab. “Director Shepard,” Abby greeted. “Boy, that’s creepy. It was almost like Gibbs sneaking upon me. He must be giving you lessons.”

“I was his partner for a long time,” Jenny reminded her. “I did manage to learn a thing or two.”

“I guess so,” Abby said.

“So, speaking of Gibbs, I haven’t seen him around since I’ve been back.”

“Oh, that’s right. You were in Paris,” Abby recalled. “How was your trip?”

“It was fine, Abby. Now, where is Agent Gibbs?”

“He’s um…at the hospital.”

Abby couldn’t lie, but hopefully, the Director wouldn’t ask her for too many details.

“What happened?” Jenny wanted to know.

“I’m not completely sure. He’s there with Tony.”

“Agent DiNozzo? Is he all right?”

“He was shot,” Abby answered truthfully.

The Director turned to leave. “If you talk to Jethro, tell him I’m on my way.”

Abby waved and turned back around to her computer screen. She knew she should warn Gibbs, but right now, she wasn’t sure that she wanted to talk to him. Forcing herself to pick up the phone, she called his number but her call was rerouted to his voice mail, which he never checked. She tried Ziva’s number and after two rings, the Mossad officer picked up.

“David.”

“Ziva, we have a problem,” she began with a forced calmness. “Director Shepard is back in town and on her way to the hospital. I had to tell her that Tony was shot. She got this weird look on her face and ran out of here, so I didn’t tell her that Gibbs shot him.”

“So, you know,” Ziva said.

“Yes. Did you talk to Gibbs?”

“We did and we will compare notes when we get back. Call Ducky and tell him what’s going on; maybe he can stall her.”

“Good idea.” Abby hung up her phone, not caring that she had abruptly cut Ziva off. “Guess the Director’s not the only one that’s learned a thing or two from Gibbs.”

***flashback***

“Boss? Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Leroy Jethro Gibbs stopped mid-stride and whirled around to face his senior agent. He felt a small amount of pride as the younger agent firmly stood his ground, despite the team leader’s agitated demeanor. Gibbs’ foul mood was due to their current case and DiNozzo had been on the receiving end of his anger and frustration more than once this past week. Tony had taken the former Marine’s often harsh remarks with his usual good natured, carefree style; but now the agent seemed on edge, almost nervous, which was out of character for DiNozzo.

“What is it, DiNozzo?” Gibbs snapped, knowing that the gruffness in his voice only exacerbated his annoyance at the sudden delay.

“We should probably have this conversation in private,” Tony suggested.

“Can it wait? I’m on my way to MTAC to update Major Carpenter.”

“Yeah, I know. I just don’t think this can wait any longer.”

Motioning for DiNozzo to follow him, the two men headed for the elevator. As the doors to the elevator closed Gibbs hit the emergency stop switch, bringing the lift to an abrupt halt. “You’ve got two minutes, DiNozzo.”

“Good thing I’m a fast talker,” Tony quipped.

“One minute and fifty-five seconds.”

Tony nodded. “Right.”

The team leader glared at DiNozzo as the younger man took a deep breath and then slowly exhaled. It was obvious to Gibbs that Tony was reluctant to say what was on his mind; which under the circumstances was very unusual. He should have listened to the warning signals going off in the back of his own mind, but instead, his impatience with his senior field agent grew to an almost intolerable level.

“DiNozzo!” he barked. “I’m waiting.”

“Boss,” Tony began. “There’s no other way to say this, so I’m just going to spit it out.”

“I wish you would.”

DiNozzo’s eyes narrowed into angry slits as he clenched his fists, struggling to maintain his composure. Gibbs was taken back the rage emitting from the man who he could count on to follow him through the gates of hell.

“We’re worried about you,” Tony stated with a forced calmness.

“We?”

“Ziva, McGee, Abby, all of us,” DiNozzo continued to explain. “We’re concerned that you’re taking this case too personally. It’s starting to feel like Ari all over again.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, DiNozzo, a girl’s life is at stake.”

“I know that Boss, and I know that you feel some kind of kinship with Major Carpenter, especially with him being a Marine and the circumstances of the kidnapping. I’m sure that this case is making you think a lot about your wife and daughter and I know that you want to save Sarah Carpenter, but we’re not going to be able to help her if we’re running ourselves ragged chasing down dead leads.”

“It’s your job to run down leads, Special Agent DiNozzo!”

“I know my job, Special Agent Gibbs,” Tony shot back.

“Then do it!”

“It’s kind of hard when Captain Ahab keeps stonewalling us!”

Gibbs visibly bristled. When he had been pursuing Ari, Tony had confronted him and made the suggestion that he read “Moby Dick”. In DiNozzo’s own unique way, he had been warning the team leader about becoming too driven and too focused in his hunt for the terrorist. He had been obsessed, but Tony and the others had followed him without question. Now, he was being challenged again, but this time DiNozzo and the others were not going to let him off so easy.

Sarah Carpenter had witnessed a murder and was now being held captive to prevent her from testifying. She had missed the hearing, forcing the judge to declare a mistrial, but she had yet to be returned to her father. Once the identity of her kidnappers was made known, Gibbs knew that Sarah was running out of time. Alan Harris and Joel Aggleston were two men that the team leader had helped put away when he had been partnered with Mike Franks; they had been released on parole and would work for the highest bidder.

Once they had discovered Gibbs was the one leading the search, they had taken great pleasure in taunting him and remaining one step ahead of him. Sarah Carpenter was now being held because Harris and Aggleston were trying to get even with him. He was not about to let that innocent girl be used as a pawn so these two lowlifes could exact their revenge. Surely Tony and the others understood that!

The ex-Marine took a step closer to the agent. “Stonewalling you?” he asked.

“That’s what I said. Every time we think we get a lead, you conveniently forget to tell us that you’ve already checked it out. It’s getting old, Boss. We want to help you, but you can’t shut us out. Last time you did that, I had to jump into a freezing cold river and rescue you. What if I’m not there the next time?”

Before Gibbs could reply, his cell phone rang. “Gibbs,” he answered. “When? Where? I’m on my way.”

“Got a hit on the bolo,” the team leader quickly explained. He hit the emergency stop button to release the elevator car and then punched the button that would take them to the garage. “You’re with me; notify McGee and Ziva on the way,” he instructed.

He didn’t miss Tony’s sigh of resignation. “On it, Boss.”

His gut was literally screaming at him but he chose to ignore it. Something was wrong, but he didn’t have the time to sort out his feelings. Gibbs was close to saving Sarah from her tormentors and he wouldn’t let anyone stand in his way. He vowed that when this nightmare was over, he would make it up to his team; however, fate was not going to be that kind to Leroy Jethro Gibbs.


***end flashback***


“I should have listened to you,” the team leader whispered. “I should have taken the time to hear what you had to say. Instead, I ran off half cocked, and just like Ishmael, you followed me without question. I was wrong and I’m sorry.”

Hannah, Tony’s nurse came in and checked the young man’s dressings. Gibbs watched as a satisfied expression danced across her lovely features. “He’s doing as well as can be expected,” she informed him. “He’s definitely a fighter.”

Gibbs nodded. “Yes, he is.”

“Can I get you anything, Agent Gibbs?” she offered. “I just made a fresh pot of coffee and I can order you something from the cafeteria.”

“Just some coffee.”

“It’s going to be a long couple of days,” Hannah pointed out. “You need to keep your strength up; he’s going to need you when he wakes up.”

“I doubt that. I’ll probably be the last person he’ll want to see.”

“You don’t seem like the kind of man who normally wallows in self pity.”

Gibbs had to smile at Hannah’s forwardness. “Not usually,” he answered. “But this time, I’m just facing reality.”

“A reality that hasn’t become a certainty. Don’t give up hope.”

“Hope is all I’ve got right now.”

“Sometimes that’s all we need.” Hannah smiled and turned to leave. “I’ll be back with your coffee in just a few minutes. In the meantime, try and get some rest.”

“Thank you,” Gibbs quietly replied.

Hope. What kind of hope did Tony have of ever walking again? Everyone seemed to take great pains in reminding the team leader that DiNozzo was strong and that he would be fine. He wondered if they honestly believed that or if they were just trying to make him feel better about shooting his senior agent; Gibbs felt that it was probably the latter.

“I wish I could trade places with you,” he mumbled. “I would in a heartbeat; I hope you know that.” Gibbs didn’t know if Tony could actually hear him, but that didn’t stop him from speaking his mind. He realized that a lifetime of apologies wouldn’t make up for what he had done. How could Tony forgive him?

“Jethro?”

Gibbs looked up to see Director Jenny Shepherd standing in the doorway. He should have known that she would be here sooner or later, of course, he would have preferred later. The last thing that he wanted to do was to relive this disastrous day once again, but he would apparently have no choice in the matter.

“Director,” he tiredly greeted.

“What happened?” she softly inquired.

“Haven’t you heard?”

“I just got back from my trip to learn that Agent DiNozzo had been shot. I haven’t received any official reports from you or from your team. So, do you want to tell me what happened?” Jenny pressed.

The team leader sighed. How many times was he going to have to retell the story? He figured that this wouldn’t be the last time, especially after Jenny discovered the truth. “I can’t do this right now,” he said.

“Why not?”

“Because I need to stay with Tony,” he attempted to reason.

“I’m sure that Ducky would be glad to come and sit with Tony for a few minutes,” she countered. “Jethro, you know this can’t wait. A shooting of a federal agent requires immediate…”

“Don’t start spouting off regulations to me!”

“I don’t want to do that, Jethro, but I will if I have to. I want to know how Tony got shot and I want the truth.”

Gibbs glared at his former lover. “Do you think I’d be anything less than honest with you?”

“I didn’t say that. I know how you feel about Tony,” she attempted to reason. “You see him as the son you never had and those feelings can bring out certain parental instincts.”

“Such as?’

“The instinct to protect your child.”

“You think I’m covering up for Tony?”

“It almost seems that way.”

“Tony didn’t do anything wrong,” he growled. Why would Jenny automatically assume that it was DiNozzo’s fault? “I’m the one who put him here.”

Jenny’s eyes narrowed, her expression confused. “What?”

“I’m the one who put Tony in here,” Gibbs repeated. “You’ll get my report when I get back to the office.”

“I don’t think so. I think you better tell me what happened and start from the beginning.”

Frustrated at the Director’s persistence, he reluctantly agreed to meet her in the cafeteria. “Give me ten minutes,” he requested. “I need to find Duck and see if he can sit with Tony. I don’t want him to be alone.”

Jenny nodded. “Ten minutes,” she conceded. “I’ll be waiting.”

Gibbs watched the Director leave, her movements both graceful and determined. She demanded his respect, but yet craved his attention. Jenny had drawn the lines between them years ago and he had not been willing to cross over them, although he had a feeling, that she had been tempted to do so once or twice.

She would use anybody to get what she wanted; unfortunately, that was a lesson that he and Tony had learned the hard way. DiNozzo was still reeling from his breakup with Jeanne, even though he took great effort to make sure that no one knew how deeply his heart had been scarred. Gibbs believed that Tony had actually found someone he could love and who had loved him unconditionally in return, until Jenny’s personal vendetta fractured their relationship beyond repair.

His thoughts were interrupted by Hannah as she returned with his cup of coffee. “Is everything all right, Agent Gibbs?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he answered, taking a sip of the steaming liquid. “I’m going down to the cafeteria for a few minutes; do you think that you could find Dr. Mallard and ask him to come and sit with Tony?”

“Of course. He’s just in the doctor’s lounge with Dr. Pitt. I’m glad you’re taking my suggestion and getting something to eat.”

“Uh…yeah. Thanks.”

Within a minute, both Ducky and Dr. Brad Pitt entered Tony’s room. “Thanks for coming, Duck.”

“Of course, Jethro,” Ducky replied. “We were coming to see young Anthony anyway. Dr. Pitt wants to check his lungs and make sure that everything is all right.”

He rose from his seat, coffee in hand. “I’ll be in the cafeteria talking to Director Shepherd. Call me if anything happens.”

“I will,” the ME promised.

Nodding his thanks to the two men, Gibbs made his way towards the cafeteria. He had hoped to delay this confrontation, at least for a couple of days; but now he had to face not only losing Tony, but losing his career as well. There would no doubt be an IA investigation and his team would be removed from the case, but that was the least of his worries. His man concern was whether his senior field agent, his son, would be able to pick up the pieces of his life and put them back together again.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


“Well, my boy,” Ducky said. “You seem to be resting quite peacefully.”

The ME took the recently vacated chair as Brad listened to Tony’s lungs. “So, how do they sound?” he asked Dr. Pitt.

“Surprisingly good,” Brad admitted. “As of right now, his lungs are clear. I’m going to go take a look at his x-rays, but I didn’t hear anything that would cause me to worry right now. Of course, this is Tony we’re talking about; I’ll definitely be keeping a close eye on him until he’s up and moving around some.”

“That’s what I like to hear. A note of optimism.”

“Hey, he’s beaten the odds before,” Brad reminded him. “Who’s to say he can’t do it again?”

“We’ll just keep thinking those positive thoughts,” Ducky insisted.

“Sounds good to me. Listen Ducky, I’ve got to go, but I’ll be back tomorrow to check on him.”

“I shall see you tomorrow then.”

“Good night, Ducky.”

“Good night.” He waved goodbye and then turned his attention back to Tony. “It’s just you and me now. You are doing fine and before you know it, you’ll be flirting with every pretty nurse in the hospital. I remember when I was in Scotland, I…”

The ME sighed. “I’m sure you’re not interested in hearing one of my anecdotes,” he mused. “But then again, we’re not going anywhere for a while.”

Ducky began to regale him with a story from his colorful past when Dr. Winesett entered. “I thought you had gone home,” the Scotsman said.

“I’m on my way. I just wanted to go over Tony’s tests again and make sure that I didn’t miss anything.”

“And did you?” the elderly physician inquired.

Dr. Winesett shook his head. “Unfortunately not. Truthfully, I’m not sure how much difference there’s going to be in Tony’s ability to feel or move when the swelling goes down. The damage that had been done is severe. I’m concerned about some of the fragments eventually shifting and causing more problems, but right now, I’m hesitant to try and remove them. If he has a good night, I’m probably going to start letting him wake up tomorrow evening, so someone should be here with him.”

“I assure you that Tony won’t be alone. I can guarantee that Agent Gibbs will be by his side.”

“That’s good,” Winesett claimed. “Just make sure that Gibbs leaves his guilt outside the door. Tony doesn’t need it.”

Ducky sighed. “That my friend, will be easier said than done.”

As Gibbs entered the cafeteria, he spotted Jenny sitting at a table in the far corner of the room. He had kept her waiting longer than he had intended to, but he had not wanted to leave Tony’s side until Ducky had arrived. Despite the ME’s reassurances, Gibbs had still been hesitant to leave DiNozzo’s side, knowing that when Tony finally woke up, the young man wouldn’t want the team leader anywhere near him. Once DiNozzo realized that he was paralyzed and that he was responsible, things would never be the same between them and Gibbs knew he only had himself to blame.

Making his way through the maze of tables, he was thankful that there weren’t many people in the cafeteria; Gibbs knew that this conversation that he was about to have with Jenny was not going to be an easy one and it was probably a good thing that there weren’t a lot of witnesses around. There would no doubt be an investigation and he would probably face suspension, but truthfully, none of that mattered. He would give up everything if it meant that Tony would walk again.

He pulled out a chair and sat down across from the Director. Gibbs nodded his thanks as he took a sip of the coffee now sitting in front of him.

“Thanks,” the former Marine mumbled.

“You’re welcome,” she coolly replied. ‘I wasn’t sure if it would still be warm; I was expecting you fifteen minutes ago.”

“Had to wait on Duck,” was the only explanation that he offered. “I told you I didn’t want to leave Tony alone.”

“So where did you go after Ducky relieved you?” Jenny inquired.

Gibbs clenched his jaw, fighting the urge to tell her to mind her own business. “Just needed a few minutes alone,” he finally managed to answer.

He said nothing else as he took another drink of his coffee. Even after all these years, Jenny had an annoying habit of trying to involve herself in every aspect of his life and he resented her for that. He was by nature a private man and only those he trusted completely were allowed a glimpse behind the veil of secrecy. At one time, he had considered Jenny to be among those trusted few, but that was a different lifetime. Now, his trust in her had been shattered when she had used Tony for her own personal vendetta against La Grenouille. Her actions had added to the scars that DiNozzo was now forced to bear.

“Well, Agent Gibbs,” Jenny said, her tone formal and authoritative, “do you want to start at the beginning and explain to me how Agent DiNozzo ended up getting shot?”

“Not really, Director Shepard,” he sharply retorted. “I guess I don’t have a choice.”

“No, you don’t.”

Taking a deep breath, Gibbs began to recall the events leading up to the shooting. He had to force himself to remain emotionally detached as he spoke of his obsession in finding Sarah Carpenter. The team leader admitted that his judgment had become clouded by his desire to save a young girl from her kidnappers and that the only thing on his mind was rescuing her. Gibbs explained how he learned the identities of the men and that discovery had resulted in the suspects using Sarah as a means to exact their revenge on him.

“So, instead of turning this case over to another team, you continued to work it,” Jenny clarified.

“My team was perfectly capable of handling it,” he growled.

“And that’s why Tony’s lying up in ICU; because your team was capable of handling this?” she shot back. “You just told me that your judgment was impaired and yet you didn’t see fit to turn the case over to another team.”

The team leader glared at the Director. “No,” he forcibly answered. “Would you like me to continue?”

“By all means. Why don’t you tell me what happened when you got a hit on the bolo?”

“When the bolo came in, Tony and I left to pursue the suspects.”

“And did you call for backup?”

“Tony notified McGee and Ziva.”

“Did you wait for Agent McGee and Officer David to join you?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I didn’t want the bastards to get away!” he barked.

“So you ignored protocol and ended up in a shootout that resulted in Agent DiNozzo getting severely wounded,” she deduced.

Gibbs closed his eyes against the onslaught of memories that threatened to overwhelm him. Not for the first time, did he find himself wishing for the ability to turn back time, but he knew from experience that he could not change the past.

“We got out of the car and were fired upon. We immediately began returning fire and I saw Tony go down, but he still managed to get one of the suspects. I was concentrating on the second perp and I didn’t see DiNozzo get up until it was too late. He was in my line of fire and…”

“You shot Agent DiNozzo?” she interrupted, a mixture of surprise and disbelief evident in her expression.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “The two rounds he took in the back came from my gun.”

“Jethro, do you realize what you’re saying?”

He was struggling to contain his rage. His anger wasn’t directed at Jenny; he was angry with himself. “Believe me; I know what I’m saying. The sight of him going down is something that I’ll never be able to erase from my mind! I’m the reason that he’s lying up there in ICU, completely unaware of the fact that he’s never going to walk again!”

He wasn’t sure if Jenny was going to cry or if she was still in shock from his revelation. She had the same look on her face after Tony’s car had been blown up that day and she thought that she had been responsible for his death. “Tony’s paralyzed?”

“Well yeah, Jen. What did you expect after taking two bullets in the back?”

The Director visibly tensed at his sarcastic manner. “There’s no need to get petulant, Agent Gibbs,” she warned.

“I’m just stating fact, Director Shepard.”

“Then answer this question for me,” Jenny insisted. “Where were your vests?”

“In the trunk.”

“What? You knew that you were going into a potentially dangerous situation and you didn’t take time to put on your vests?”

“Tony wanted to, but I didn’t want to waste any time.”

“It would have taken thirty seconds, Jethro!” she exclaimed. “Thirty seconds would have made the difference in Tony being able to walk.”

“Don’t you think I know that? All I’ve been doing since it happened is wishing that I could go back and do things differently, but I can’t!”

Frustrated, he pounded the table with his fist. “Damn it, Jen! What do you want from me?”

“I want to know why you let this obsession get so out of hand!”

Gibbs allowed a tiny grin to escape his lips. “I don’t think that you have any right to judge me, or do I need to bring up the whole Frog thing again?”

“This is different. Your actions have resulted in an injury to another agent.”

“And yours didn’t? I guess a wounded heart doesn’t count, does it?”

It was Jenny’s turn to glare at him, but he remained undeterred. She had always been good at justifying her actions, even if those actions were questionable. “I’m going to need your gun and your badge,” she stated, her no nonsense tone projecting the anger that she was clearly feeling.

“I don’t have my gun.”

“Where is it?”

“I guess Ziva and McGee took it to Abby.”

“Fine. Then I’ll just need your badge.”

Gibbs wasn’t surprised by her request; he was just amazed that it had taken her this long. Tossing his badge and ID over to her, he said, “I guess this means I’m suspended.”

Jenny nodded. “Yes. You are hereby suspended pending a full IA investigation. Your team will be taken off rotation and they will be off this case until this matter is cleared up. You and your team will cooperate fully with the investigation,” she instructed. “Am I understood?”

“Crystal clear, Director.”

He stood to leave, but his departure was prevented by the firm grasp Jenny had on his arm. “Where are you going, Jethro?”

“As if it’s any of your concern, Director, I’m going back up to sit with Tony.”

“I’m afraid that I can’t allow that.”

Gibbs snickered. “You really think that you’re going to stop me?”

“I can’t allow you to see Agent DiNozzo until the investigation is over.”

Gibbs leaned forward, his unrelenting gaze fixed on the Director. “What? You can’t be serious!”

“Unfortunately, I am. You shot a member of your own team and although I’m sure it was an accident, until the investigation is done, you can not see Tony,” she declared.

“Don’t you dare do this,” Gibbs snarled. “Tony’s...”

“I’m sure that Agent DiNozzo is in good hands; the staff here is excellent,” Jenny reminded him. “Abby, Ducky, and the others can visit him at any time.”

Furious, Gibbs pulled free of Jenny’s hold and stormed out of the cafeteria, ignoring the stares of the few onlookers who were sitting at a nearby table. Damn Jenny! He had fully expected the suspension, but he was truly caught off guard when she informed him that he couldn’t see DiNozzo. Surely she had to know that she couldn’t stop him; he would find a way to see Tony despite her orders.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Ziva, McGee, and Abby were huddled around the plasma, reviewing the results of the crime scene that the Goth had recreated. The evidence supported their findings; Gibbs had shot Tony. The trio was still stunned, knowing that although the shooting was accidental on Gibbs’ part, the ramifications of his actions were going to be felt throughout NCIS.

“What about Sarah Carpenter’s statement?” Ziva asked McGee.

“Nothing,” he replied. “She was tied up in the back and all she heard were gunshots. The next thing she knew, Gibbs was pulling her out of the car and cutting her free. He made sure she was all right and then went back to Tony. Gibbs instructed her to call 911 and then it wasn’t too long after that we got there.”

“So, she didn’t see anything?”

“No.”

“I just can’t believe that this has happened,” Abby said as she tightly hugged Bert to her chest.

“I know what you mean,” McGee said, gently squeezing her shoulder.

“We are not going to get anything done just standing around,” Ziva pointed out. “We’ve got to find some way to…” The Mossad Officer was interrupted by her ringing cell phone. Glancing at the caller ID, she saw that it was the Director. Taking a deep breath, she answered, “Officer David.”

Her eyes remained fixed on her two companions as she listened to the orders now being issued to her by Director Shepard. She should have known that they would be taken off the case, but Ziva had hoped that it would have taken longer. “I will tell the others,” she said as she hung up the phone.

“Ziva, what’s wrong?” Abby reluctantly asked.

“That was the Director. Gibbs has been suspended and we are to turn over all our findings to the investigation team that will be arriving within the hour. As of now, we are no longer working this case.”

Ziva allowed the others to absorb information that she had just relayed to them. The immediate silence unnerved her slightly, but the stillness was quickly shattered by Abby.

“Gibbs is suspended?” the Goth cried out in disbelief. “He didn’t shoot Tony on purpose. I mean yeah, he’s been kind of distant and focused on the case, but a girl’s life was at stake. Forget the fact that he’s been kind of grouchy or that he’s been almost obsessed…” Abby paused for a second. “Forget I said that, he’s been more than almost obsessed, but he would never intentionally hurt Tony!”

“Abby, it’s SOP for a shooting. There has to be an investigation,” McGee informed her.

“No there doesn’t. There has to be some way around it.”

“Gibbs doesn’t want a cover up.”

“But…” Defeated, Abby squeezed Bert once again. “In that case, I’ve made copies everything I’ve done,” Abby announced. “I had a feeling that something like this would happen.”

“We’ll do the same thing,” McGee stated. “You know, just in case.”

Ziva smiled at her friends. “That is a very good idea. Just because we are no longer working the case, does not mean that we are simply sitting wildly by.”

“Idly,” Tim interjected.

She glared at McGee. Usually, she didn’t mind being corrected, but it was usually Tony who took great pleasure in pointing out her grammatical mistakes. The fact that it was McGee who had made the correction made her miss DiNozzo in a way that she had not expected. She couldn’t explain her feelings for him; one minute she wanted to kill him for being so juvenile and the next minute she wanted to take him in her arms and hold him in an effort to keep his demons at bay.

“You can correct my English later, McGee,” Ziva said. “Right now, we’ve got some work to do.”

“You’re right. We better get busy.”

“You guys can use my computer,” Abby suggested. “I’ll double check and make sure that Palmer has copies of what he’s done so far.”

Ziva nodded as she sat down next to McGee and watched his fingers deftly fly over the keyboard. They now had a little less than an hour before they had to turn everything over to the IA investigators. It was hard to believe that this day had started out like any other day, but it had ended with their team leader being suspended, their senior field agent lying in the hospital, and the rest of the team being forced to sit on the sidelines while strangers decided the fate of Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

Jenny had ordered them to cooperate and she knew that Gibbs would want them to; that was the only reason that she would ever agree to be part of an investigation that could possibly destroy the career of the man that she considered to be her mentor. Ziva couldn’t shake the feeling that things were going to get worse before they got better; but at the moment, she wasn’t sure how things could be any worse.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Ducky had just finished regaling Tony with yet another of his adventures when Hannah entered Tony’s room. The ME had been impressed by the high level of care that Tony was receiving and had complimented the young nurse several times on her compassionate manner in which she treated both the patients and their families. Tony was very fortunate to have her as his nurse and he could only imagine how pleased the young man would be when he discovered that she was also very beautiful.

“Hello again, Hannah,” he cheerfully greeted.

“Hello, Dr. Mallard. Can I get you anything?” she offered.

“No my dear, I was just sitting here telling Tony about the time that I sailed down the Nile River; he loves that story.”

Hannah smiled as she slipped a thermometer under Tony’s arm. “Dr. Winesett decided to go ahead and start decreasing his sedation, so he should start coming around by morning,” she informed him.

“I’m sure that Jethro will be here with him.” Ducky glanced at his watch. “It’s later than I realized. I wonder where he could be.”

“I don’t know. I’m sure he’ll be along shortly.”

“You’re probably right.”

The ME was surprised when he heard Jenny Shepard’s voice outside of Tony’s room. He looked at Hannah, who merely shrugged. Ducky stood up and walked to the door to find Jenny issuing orders to another agent.

“Jethro Gibbs is not allowed to see Agent DiNozzo until after the investigation,” she stated. “Under no circumstances are you to allow him in this room. Do I make myself clear, Agent Spencer?”

“Yes, Director Shepard,” he answered.

“You will be relieved by Agent Coulson at 0600. If you have any problems, call me.”

“Jenny?” Ducky called out. “What’s going on?”

“I had to suspend Jethro and until the investigation is over, he can not be allowed to see Agent DiNozzo,” she hastily explained.

A lump formed in the physician’s throat. He could only begin to imagine how lived Jethro must be. “I see. Don’t you think the armed guard is over doing it a bit?”

“No, I don’t. Not where Jethro’s concerned. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Dr. Mallard, I’ve got to get back to headquarters to make sure that Ziva and McGee give their full cooperation to the investigators.”

“They will do what is required of them,” Ducky said. “Even if they don’t like it; they will do their jobs.”

“I know that, but I want to be sure that all our bases are covered.”

Ducky nodded. “Very good then,” he stated. “I’ll just go back and sit with Tony some more. He should be waking up in a few hours.”

“Keep me informed of any changes,” the Director requested. “Oh, and Ducky, do not even think of trying to sneak Jethro into Tony’s room.”

“The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind,” he lied.

The ME went back into Tony’s room to find Hannah jotting something down on her note pad. “He’s running a low grade fever” she explained, “but it’s nothing unexpected. I’ll let Dr. Winesett know.”

“Thank you, Hannah. I know we all rest better knowing Anthony is in such good hands.”

He watched as she took one final glance at Tony’s monitor. “So, what’s going on outside?” she asked.

“It seems that Jethro is not permitted to see Anthony until the investigation into the shooting is completed. Our Director doesn’t trust Gibbs, so she’s placed a guard outside Tony’s room.”

“Does Dr. Winesett know about this?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, I’ll just have to mention it to him when I call him. I have a feeling that he’s not going to like this arrangement.”

Ducky grinned. “Would he like the number to Director Shepard’s direct line?”

“I’m sure that he would.”

He wrote down the number and handed it to her. After she left, Ducky sat back down next to Tony. “Well my boy,” he sighed, “we’ll just have to wait and see what happens. I have a feeling that Dr. Winesett is going to have a few words with our esteemed Director.”

Close to half an hour later, Hannah entered with a syringe in hand. “Dr. Winesett ordered this for his fever,” she said as she injected the medicine into his IV port.

“And the other matter?”

Hannah smiled. “Let’s just say that Dr. Winesett was not happy; he should be talking to your Director as we speak.”

“Wouldn’t you love to be a fly on a wall?” Ducky mused.

“Yes, I would.”

“Thank you for your assistance, Hannah.”

“It was my pleasure,” she assured him. The young nurse reached into her pocket and pulled out a note. “This is for you.”

He nodded his thanks as she left. Ducky opened the note to discover that it was from Jethro. “Call me ASAP. Need to talk,” he read aloud.

The physician couldn’t use his cell phone in Tony’s room, so he was going to have to go to the waiting room to make that call. He gently squeezed the agent’s uninjured shoulder. “I’ll be back in a minute, Anthony. I’ll just be in the waiting room, so I won’t be too far away should you need anything. I have a feeling that when I come back, we’ll have worked out some way for Jethro to be here when you wake up.”

Ducky rose from his seat and slowly made his way to the waiting area, acknowledging Agent Spencer with a nod. “I’m just going to stretch my legs.”

“Very well, Dr. Mallard,” Spencer replied.

The ME slipped into the room and turned on his cell phone. It only took one ring before he heard Gibbs’ gruff voice. “It’s about time, Duck.”

“I just got your note, Jethro. I can’t use my phone in Tony’s room and…”

“How is he?” Gibbs asked, purposefully interrupting the physician.

“He’s running a slight fever, but other than that, there’s no change. Dr. Winesett went ahead and started decreasing his sedation; Tony should start waking up by morning.”

“I can’t see him, Duck.”

“I know, Jethro. Jenny made that abundantly clear when she placed the guard outside Tony’s door.”

“I figured she’d do something like that. I need to be there when he wakes up and you know it.”

“I know and hopefully if fate intervenes, you’ll be able to.”

“What do you mean?”

Ducky explained how Hannah informed Dr. Winesett about the armed guard outside Tony’s room and the doctor was going to be calling the Director.”

“What if it doesn’t do any good?” Gibbs wanted to know.

“We’ll just do what we’ve always done,” Ducky replied.

“And that is?”

The ME grinned. “Improvise!”

Gibbs had always been able to use his basement as a place of refuge from the harsh cruelties of his job, but tonight, he had not been able to find the solace that he had been so desperately seeking. The events of the previous day continually played through his mind, preventing him from having a moment’s peace. Not that he deserved it; he had shot his own agent after all. His senior agent who had tried to warn him that he was taking this case too personally; his senior agent who always seemed to stand with the team leader despite his better judgment; his senior agent who managed to fill a void in his life, becoming the son that he had never had.

He had managed to destroy the young man’s life in one split second and now he couldn’t even see Tony to try and explain what had happened. Director Shepard had forbidden him to have any contact with Tony until the investigation was completed, but he knew that he could not wait that long. He hoped that Dr. Winesett had managed to convince Jenny to let him see DiNozzo, but truthfully, he wasn’t expecting her to agree to it. Gibbs was aware that she was not going to bend any rules, even for him; not that he expected her to, but this would have been one time he would have been tempted to resort using their past history together to get what he wanted.

The team leader glanced at his watch. It was almost four in the morning. He had been sitting on the steps of his basement for over 3 hours, nursing the same bourbon that he had poured when he had first arrived at home. According to Ducky, Tony would be waking up soon and that knowledge only fueled the former Marine’s determination to be by his side. If he didn’t receive permission from Jenny within the next hour, he was prepared to implement the plan that he and the ME had managed to come up with during their last conversation.

As if on cue, his cell phone rang. “Gibbs,” he gruffly answered.

“Do you want to know how I’ve spent the better part of my night, Jethro?”

It was Jenny. Gibbs tamped down the urge to offer a sharp retort, knowing that it would only make things worse. He could hear the anger and frustration in her voice and guessed that she had been talking to Dr. Winesett; she evidently didn’t like what the physician had to say.

“No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me,” he blurted out. So much for keeping his smart ass answers to himself.

“I’ve been on the phone with Dr. Winesett on and off for the past few hours,” she continued, nonplussed by Gibbs’ blunt reply. “Do you care to guess why I’ve been on the phone with Dr. Winesett most of the night?”

“I already know.”

“I’m sure you do. You thought that by having Tony’s doctor calling me, you could railroad me into letting you stay with him. Does that about sum it up?”

“I had nothing to do with Dr. Winesett calling you, Director. He did that on his own free will.”

“Do you expect me to believe that?”

Gibbs bristled. “Have I ever lied to you, Jen?”

“No,” she admitted.

“Why would I start now?”

He could sense her annoyance with him, but at the moment, he didn’t care. “So, are you going to tell me what Dr. Winesett had to say or am I going to have to guess?” Gibbs impatiently inquired.

“He wasn’t pleased with the fact that I placed an armed agent outside of Tony’s room,” she informed him.

“I can see why. If you ask me, it’s kind of overkill,” he retorted.

“You know damn well why I placed the guard there. I can’t allow you to see Agent DiNozzo until after the investigation.”

“I need to be there when he wakes up, Jen.”

“Yes, Dr. Winesett mentioned that as well. He felt that it would be in Tony’s best interest for you to be there, but I’m not so sure. You shot your own agent, Jethro. I’m sure it was an accident, but until IA takes DiNozzo’s statement, I can not…”

“Why don’t you just cut the crap, Director? I think you’re enjoying this,” the team leader growled. “I know what the rules are, but I also know that there are extenuating circumstances that allow those rules to be broken. I need to be there for DiNozzo; I need to be there to…to tell him I’m sorry. I’m not going to plant any ideas in his head, Jen; hell, you know Tony, he’ll try and make this whole thing out to be his fault. If I’m not there when he wakes up…”

“He’s won’t be alone when he wakes up, Jethro,” she countered. “Ducky is still there and Abby volunteered to go over this morning. I’m sure they can take care of Tony.”

“I know they can, but I’ve still got to be there and I will be there, one way or another.”

“Is that a threat, Agent Gibbs?”

“No, Director Shepard; it’s a promise.”

He could envision the anger radiating from her eyes. “I don’t appreciate being bullied, Agent Gibbs. If I agree to let you see Tony, it will be on my terms; is that clear?”

“Now who’s being a bully?” he asked. “Dr. Winesett must have unloaded both barrels on you to even make you consider letting me in to see Tony. What are your conditions, Director Shepard?”

“You will be accompanied by another agent and a member of the investigative team to make sure that you don’t say anything you shouldn’t and that you don’t bring any further harm to Agent DiNozzo. You will only be able to stay with Tony…”

“What?” he exclaimed. “You actually think I’d do something to hurt Tony?” Gibbs had to resist the urge to sling his phone across the basement. How dare she even suggest something so ludicrous?

“No, but we have to play this safe, Jethro,” she pointed out. “As I was saying, you will only be able with Tony for a little while. After that, your visits will have to be prearranged.”

“Prearranged?”

“I’m putting my own neck on the line by agreeing to this, Jethro. You can either take it or leave it.”

“I guess it’ll have to do for now,” he reluctantly conceded. Gibbs knew that at the moment, he had to agree to the stipulations set forth by the Director, but if Tony needed him, nothing or no one would keep him from his son’s side.

“Then you better get to the hospital. I’ll inform Ducky that you’re coming. Don’t make me regret this,” Jenny warned.

“You won’t.” Gibbs hung up the phone and slipped it into his pocket. Grabbing the handrail, he pulled himself up and quickly made his way up the stairs and out the front door. He supposed that he should be grateful to Jenny for bending the rules for him, but if she hadn’t, he would have resorted to other tactics and she was well aware of that fact. The team leader’s need to be by Tony’s side when the young man woke up had superseded his rational thoughts and he had been prepared to implement Ducky’s rather creative suggestion.

He allowed a tiny smile to escape as he drove towards the hospital. “I guess I’ll just have to save that idea for another day,” he mumbled. “I have a feeling that I’ll need it.”


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


He blindly groped his way through the fog that seemed to engulf him. Confusion and pain were his constant companions as he became aware of someone calling out to him. There was no mistaking who the voice belonged to; the soothing cultured tones of Dr. Donald Mallard had served as his voice of reason on more than one occasion. Tony could hear Ducky urging him to open his eyes, but he wasn’t sure if he could even manage that simple feat.

Tony felt the Scotsman gently squeeze his hand. He wanted to obey the firm yet gentle commands that Ducky was issuing, but he was so tired. Except for the nagging pain in his shoulder, his body was numb and he wanted nothing more than to succumb to the embrace of the darkness that beckoned him back into its waiting arms.

“Anthony?” Ducky continued to ramble. “You’re in the hospital but you’re going to be fine. I need you to open your eyes for me. Jethro will be here shortly and you don’t want him to catch you sleeping on the job.”

If he was in the hospital, then there was no doubt in his mind that Gibbs would be nearby; the team leader was always around when he was sick or hurting. The team leader was listed as Tony’s next of kin, a title that Gibbs took very seriously when it came to his well being.

“Open your eyes for me, Tony,” the ME insisted.

Slowly Tony opened his eyes to discover Ducky now standing over him. He blinked several times in an effort to bring the physician into focus and once Ducky’s image became clearer, he considered trying to talk. Questions were beginning to form in Tony’s mind; questions that he wanted answers to. Hopefully, if he could get his mouth to work, he could ask Ducky to explain to him what had happened this time to land him in the hospital.

“Hello, my boy,” Ducky cheerfully greeted.

“D…Duck,” Tony rasped.

“It’s good to see you’re finally awake. I was beginning to worry,” the doctor admitted. “I guess I shouldn’t have doubted that DiNozzo stubbornness that always seems to get you out of some of the most difficult situations.”

“Yeah.”

“Dr. Winesett has been called and he should be here soon. He’s the doctor who has been taking remarkably good care of you.”

Tony merely nodded. At the moment, it was taking a great deal effort to stay awake, much less carry on a conversation; he needed to save his strength for when Gibbs arrived. He knew that the team leader would answer his questions without him even asking. More importantly, Gibbs would be honest with him and not try to placate him with false reassurances. His gut was telling him that something was dreadfully wrong and although Ducky meant well, the ME would try and shelter him from the truth, at least until he was stronger.

“Are you in any pain?” Ducky wanted to know.

“A little,” Tony whispered. “Shoulder hurts. Rest of me…is still…numb.”

He didn’t miss the look of guilt and dread that the physician briefly wore before Ducky managed to slip his mask back into place. His instincts had been right; something was wrong. Tony’s urge to know what happened intensified as he tamped down the urge to bombard the ME with questions. He would wait for Gibbs, relieving Ducky of the great burden that the Scotsman suddenly appeared to be carrying.

“I’ll inform the nurse that you’re in pain, but she probably can’t give you anything until Dr. Winesett examines you,” the doctor pointed out.

“It’s…okay. It’s not…that bad.”

“That’s good to know. Wounds to the shoulder can be very painful. I remember one time that…”

“Duck, I don’t think he’s up for a trip down memory lane.”

Tony weakly smiled as Gibbs entered his room. Not only would he get the answers he sought, he wouldn’t have to listen to Ducky recount another story from his youth. Truthfully, most of the time he didn’t mind listening to the ME’s recollections, but right now, he wanted to know why he was in the hospital and more importantly, when he could go home.

“Jethro!” Ducky exclaimed, relief evident in his cultured voice. “I’m glad you’re here. He just woke up a few minutes ago.”

“Sorry I’m late,” Gibbs replied.

“Don’t apologize,” Tony mumbled. “Sign of…weakness.”

“Yeah,” the team leader said. “It’s also a stupid rule.”

DiNozzo had intended to ask Gibbs what he had meant by that last statement, but his attention was diverted when he noticed two other men standing in his doorway. They obviously weren’t doctors and Tony thought that one of them looked vaguely familiar to him.

“Who are they?” he tiredly asked.

“My babysitters,” the former Marine growled.

“What?”

“I’ll explain it later.” Gibbs glanced up at Ducky. “Can you give us a few minutes?”

“Of course, Jethro,” Ducky conceded. “I’ll go and see what’s keeping Dr. Winesett.”

“Thanks, Duck.”

Tony swallowed hard, wincing at the pain that action caused him. His throat was scratchy and sore, a sure sign that anesthesia had been used on him at some point during his stay.

“You okay?” Gibbs asked.

“Throat’s dry.”

“I’m sure they’ll at least let you have some ice chips after the doctor looks you over.”

“I’d rather…have…hot chocolate. Makes my throat feel better.”

“He probably won’t go for that,” Gibbs said as he sat down in the chair beside his bed.

“So…why am I here?” Tony inquired.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

He cleared his throat , hoping that his voice sounded stronger that he actually felt. “Catching up…to the kidnappers.”

“Anything else?”

Tony closed his eyes as he tried to force his memories to return. He recalled getting out of the car with his weapon drawn and being fired upon. DiNozzo vaguely remembered his shoulder feeling like it was on fire and then hitting the ground. “I…was…shot?” he reluctantly asked.

“Yeah, you took one in the shoulder and another bullet grazed your side.”

“More scars. It’s a good…thing…women love scars,” Tony quipped. “When…can…I…go home?”

“Not for a while.”

“Hate hospitals,” he slurred. “I’ll rest…better at home.”

The senior agent saw Gibbs’ jaw tightly clench as the older man looked away. It was almost as if the team leader was purposefully avoiding making eye contact with him. He had never seen the ex-Marine looking so unsure of himself, at least not since Gibbs had been seriously injured in that explosion several years ago and had lost his memory. “Gibbs?” he quietly called out.

“Yeah?”

“Something wrong?”

“I know you well enough that I know you want the truth, so I’m not going to beat around the bush,” he said.

“I appreciate that, Boss.”

Gibbs raked his hand through his hair, sighing in defeat. “You took two bullets to the back.” The older man’s eyes exuded a mix of sympathy, pain, and regret. “The bullets did a lot of damage to your spinal cord.”

Tony didn’t need for Gibbs to say anymore. He had first thought that the numbness he was experiencing was possibly due to the anesthesia. DiNozzo had never considered the possibility that there was another explanation as to why he couldn’t feel anything below his waist. His automatic reaction was to try and move his leg. If he could just move it a little bit, then he would have no cause to worry; there would have been no permanent damage and he would be able to walk out of this hospital.

His brow furrowed in concentration as he silently willed his brain to tell his leg to move. Nothing. Gritting his teeth, he tried once again, determined for any part of his lower body to move; he would even settle for a twitch. Again, nothing happened.

“Tony?”

He looked up to see Gibbs now standing over him. “Tony, I need you to listen to me,” the ex-Marine pleaded.

“Is it…permanent?” he wanted to know.

“It’s too early to tell.”

“The truth.”

Gibbs nodded. “Yeah, it’s permanent. One of the bullets partially severed your spinal cord. You’ve still got some swelling and some bullet fragments that the doctors couldn’t chance removing just yet. We’ll know the full extent of the damage in a few days. Right now, you need to rest and give your body a chance to heal.”

Tony wasn’t sure how he was supposed to react. He had just learned that he was paralyzed and he had no idea what to do next. Was he supposed to cry? Was he supposed to be angry and throw things? Was he supposed to simply go on like nothing had happened?

“Was it…worth it?” his voice was almost inaudible, but he knew that Gibbs had heard his question.

“What do you mean?”

“Sarah?”

“She’s fine. Thanks to you.”

“Good.”

“Did I…” Tony chewed on his bottom lip as he struggled with his warring emotions. “Did I…screw up?”

“No, Tony. This was not your fault,” Gibbs tried to assure him.

“Did I let…the second guy…get behind me?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” the ex-Marine forcibly repeated.

“Then what happened?” he asked, his exhaustion threatening to overwhelm him.

Gibbs gently squeezed his hand. Tony saw the team leader look over at the two men standing in the doorway as if seeking permission for something. “I can’t go into details right now,” Gibbs said. “Just remember that it wasn’t your fault.”

“What do you…mean…you can’t…go into details?”

“I just can’t. I just need you to know that I’m sorry and…” Gibbs closed his eyes as his grip on Tony’s hand tightened. “I’m sorry.”

Tony couldn’t believe this was happening. He had just learned that he was paralyzed and Gibbs was being tight lipped about how it happened. DiNozzo wondered what the older man was hiding from him. Whatever it was, it had something to do with the two strangers standing at his door.

“Agent Gibbs, your time is up,” the taller of the two men announced.

“Just a couple of more minutes,” Gibbs snapped.

“What…the hell…is going on?” Tony gasped. “Tell me the truth!”

“There’s an IA investigation into the shooting and they’re afraid I’m going to influence your statement. That’s why I can’t give you anymore information; they don’t want you covering for me.”

“Covering for you? I’m the one…who screwed…up.”

“No you didn’t.”

Tony closed his eyes. He didn’t care what Gibbs said. He had to have screwed up and now he was paralyzed because of his own carelessness.

“Look at me,” Gibbs ordered. “You did nothing wrong. We’ll talk about this later. I’ve already told you too much and your doctor is not going to be happy with me.”

“”Don’t leave,” Tony cried out, inwardly cursing his own weakness. “Please don’t leave me.

“If I want to be able to see you again, I have to do what these guys say, at least for now. I’ll be back in a little later and we’ll talk some more.”

Not trusting himself to speak, Tony nodded as he watched the team leader leave with the other two men. He knew for there to be an IA investigation, that something had to have gone terribly wrong and Gibbs was covering for him. Why couldn’t he remember taking those two bullets in the back? He remembered getting shot in the shoulder and side, but after that, images became distorted and Tony didn’t know what was real and what was actually part of a bad dream.

How he wished that this was all just a nightmare. Tony wanted to be able to wake up and walk out of the hospital but it wasn’t going to happen. He was paralyzed and he had no one but himself to blame. In one split second, his life had drastically changed and unfortunately, in life, there were no do overs.

As he lay there, he thought about what Gibbs had said. The man had insisted that it wasn’t his fault, but he still wasn’t convinced. Was Gibbs trying to take the blame for his mistake? He needed to know what happened, but Gibbs and Ducky seemed to be dancing around the subject.

His private thoughts were interrupted by Ducky, who was being followed by another man. Tony assumed that this stranger was Dr. Winesett.

“Agent DiNozzo? I’m Dr. Winesett.”

“I kind of figured as much.”

“Agent Gibbs told me that he told you about the shooting and the fact that you took two bullets in the back.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to look you over first and then we’ll talk some more. I don’t want to wear you out since you’ve just woke up, but I also want to be honest with you and let you know where we stand right now.”

Again, Tony nodded. He had so many questions going through his mind, but he was so tired that he couldn’t even begin to formulate a coherent verbal response. He obediently answered the physician’s questions with a nod or a shake of a head as he struggled to stay awake. He wanted to hear what Dr. Winesett had to say as much as he wanted to hear the truth about the shooting.

Tony wanted nothing more than to give in to the warm embrace of slumber as it beckoned him with open arms. Perhaps if he fell asleep and woke up again, he would discover that he was merely having a bad dream. Of course, the sharp pain now radiating from his shoulder reminded him that this wasn’t a bad dream; this was fast becoming his worst nightmare.

A low groan escaped his lips as the doctor probed the tender flesh around where the bullet hole had entered his shoulder. He knew that the bullet had been removed and the damage repaired, but that knowledge did nothing to dampen the agony. Although Tony was hurting, he found himself welcoming the pain; it meant that at least the upper half of his body still worked.

“I’m sorry, Tony,” Dr. Winesett apologized, interrupting his private musings. “I just wanted to make sure there’s no inflammation or infection around the surgical site.”

“It’s okay,” he mumbled, his reply barely audible.

“Everything looks good,” the physician informed him. “It will take a while for it to mend, but I don’t think you’ll have any problems with your shoulder down the road.”

“Except when it rains.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“Gibbs’ shoulder always bothers him when it rains.”

Tony didn’t know why he had even made that comment, except for the fact that he had personally observed the team leader favoring that shoulder when it was cold or damp. Gibbs had been shot in the shoulder by Ari Haswari several years ago and was still physically suffering from the repercussions of that particular encounter.

“My uh…Boss…was shot in the shoulder once. Still hurts him when it’s damp,” he tiredly explained.

“I see. Well…”

“But it doesn’t stop him from doing his job.”

“I’m sure it doesn’t.”

Tony watched as the doctor carefully replaced the bandage. Winesett then proceeded to examine his side where he had been grazed by the second bullet. This time, the agent could only feel a slight pressure as the physician checked the wound; there was no searing pain and that realization troubled him greatly.

“That…um…that doesn’t hurt like my shoulder does,” Tony rasped.

Dr. Winesett appeared to be ignoring him, but the silent exchange of glances between him and Ducky told him other wise. Tony had almost forgotten that the ME was still in the room with him; the Scotsman had been unusually quiet, which was completely out of character for the older man. The agent closed his eyes, struggling to keep his emotions under control; he could not permit himself to show weakness in front of anyone. He had been taught at a young age that DiNozzo’s did not admit or demonstrate vulnerability to family or strangers. It had been one of the few lessons that had followed him throughout his life.

“Tony?” Ducky gently called to him. “Try and stay awake, my boy. Just for a little while longer.”

“I’m not asleep, Ducky,” he assured the older man.

“Oh. Well, not that I could blame you if you were; you’ve had a rather grueling couple of days.”

“Guess so.”

“Can I get you anything?”

“Nope. Just waiting.”

“Waiting for what?” the ME inquired, a hint of confusion in his cultured voice.

Tony opened his eyes and met Ducky’s worried gaze. “For someone to tell me what’s going on.”

“In due time, Anthony; in due time. First, Dr. Winesett wants to check you over and then we’ll talk.”

“Seems…like he should be…done by now.”

“Patience, Tony,” Ducky gently admonished. “I promise you that he will answer all your questions.”

The senior agent sighed. “He told me that…twenty minutes ago.”

“Your perception of time is a little off. He’s only been in here for ten minutes.”

“I’m on Gibbs time,” he quipped.

“I suppose that explains your lack of patience.”

It was just a few more seconds before Dr. Winesett addressed him. “Agent DiNozzo, you can stop talking about me like I’m not here.”

Tony glared at the doctor who had elected to ignore his earlier comment. “It’s a two way street, Doc.”

“You’re right,” the physician conceded. “I should have answered you earlier and…’

“Yeah, you should have,” he sharply retorted.

“I won’t make that mistake again,” Winesett promised.

“In that case, we’ll just call it a misunderstanding and start fresh.”

Both Ducky and Winesett smile at him. Tony wasn’t trying to be a difficult patient, but he was going to make sure that this doctor understood that he expected complete honesty and would not settle for anything less. Another trait that he and Gibbs shared.

Gibbs. He wished that team leader had not been forced to leave. Tony had a feeling that he would be able to handle the news that he was about to receive a lot better if the former Marine would have been allowed to stay. Gibbs wouldn’t give him the chance to feel sorry for himself and right now, the young man knew that he needed that extra push to stay out of the trap of self-pity and self-loathing that he was tempted to wallow in.

He took a deep breath and slowly blew it out. “I guess it’s the moment of truth, Doc.”

Dr. Winesett pulled up another chair and sat down. “Agent Gibbs informed you that you were shot twice in the back,” he began.

“Yeah, he did. The details of the shooting are still a little fuzzy,” he admitted.

“I’m sure things will become clearer in a few days.”

“I hope so.”

“With the amount of trauma that your body has been subjected to, it’ll take a couple of days for your mind to make sense of what happened. Right now, I’m going to give you an idea of what we’re looking at right now.”

Tony swallowed hard, suddenly unsure if he was truly prepared to hear what Dr. Winesett had to say. He forced himself to focus on the physician’s words as he began to elaborate on his condition.

“Shrapnel from one of the bullets tore your right ureter, which is the tube connecting the kidney and the bladder. Some of the fragments were imbedded in your right kidney, but we managed to remove them and repair the damage to the ureter and the kidney. We’re going to have to monitor your kidney and bladder function for a while to make sure that everything is working lie it’s supposed to.”

The agent sighed. “Guess that constitutes the good news?”

“What do you mean?”

“The doctors on TV always deliver the good news before the bad news; I figure you’re doing the same thing.”

Dr. Winesett grinned. “You watch too much TV.”

“You have no idea,” Ducky interjected.

“I’ve been told that…a time or two,” Tony added. “So, what’s the bad news?”

The doctor leaned forward slightly. “Keep in mind that you have a great deal of swelling around your spinal cord and so…”

“Doc, please. I need to know. Gibbs already told me…” Tony paused for a brief second, tamping down his warring emotions. “I just need to hear it from you.”

“Since you were shot at such a close range, the damage is quiet severe,” the doctor continued. “Your spinal cord has been partially severed between the T10 and T11 vertebrae.”

Gibbs had told him that much, but Tony wanted to know more. “What’s that mean?”

“Your spinal cord is divided into different sections; you were shot in the lower part of what we call the thoracic region,” Winesett stated.

“Right about here, Anthony.” Ducky stood up so Tony could see him and pointed to the coinciding area on his own back.

Tony nodded, thankful that the ME was here to translate. His thoughts were still muddled and he knew that once the fog cleared from his mind, he would have even more questions that he needed answers to.

“That’s right,” Dr. Winesett remarked. “Because of the location, your paralysis will basically be from your lower waist down. You will still have excellent control of your upper body, especially after your shoulder heals.”

“You said my spinal cord was…partially severed,” Tony recalled. “Can’t you fix it?”

“I wish it were that simple, Agent DiNozzo.”

“Yeah, so do I,” he solemnly replied. “So, this paralysis is definitely permanent?”

The saddened expression in the physician’s eyes was the only answer that he needed. Gibbs had already told him that the paralysis was permanent and although he knew the team leader wouldn’t lie to him, Tony couldn’t help but hope that Gibbs had simply misunderstood the prognosis. Who was he kidding? Gibbs didn’t misunderstand anything.

“Yes,” the doctor replied. “But like I said, there’s a lot of swelling and…”

Tony didn’t want to hear anymore. At least not right now. He needed to time to process what had happened and figure out how he was going to live his life without the use of his legs. He was a field agent and at the moment, he wasn’t exactly sure how he was supposed to do his job if he couldn’t walk.

“Could you give me a few minutes alone, Doc?” he quietly asked..

The doctor nodded. “We’ll talk more later. I’ll be back in to check on you in a few hours. Right now, you need to rest.”

“Yeah,” was the only answer that he could bring himself to give.

Tony closed his eyes, mentally chastising himself for being so careless. His life had been changed in a split second and he wasn’t even sure how or why it happened. He tried to compel the fog to lift from his clouded mind, but it was useless; all he had succeeded in doing was further exacerbating his headache.

“Anthony?” Ducky gently patted his arm. “Are you all right?”

“I need to be alone, Ducky.”

“All right, but just remember that this isn’t the end of the world. Consider this to be a new adventure.”

He knew the ME meant well, but he wasn’t in the mood to be inundated with platitudes of false hope. “Ducky, please not now. Just leave me alone.”

“I’ll be right outside,” the older man stated. “If you need anything…”

“I know, Ducky. Thanks.”

Once he knew that the ME was gone, he silently willed his leg to move. His brain was issuing the order, but his body was ignoring the command. “Come on, damn it! Move!” Tony grunted.

A fine sheen of sweat broke out on his brow as he continued to try and force his legs to move. Still there was nothing; not even a twitch. The only thing that he was rewarded with for his effort was an increased feeling of exhaustion. He really didn’t want to sleep but once again, his body was not cooperating with his demands.

He wasn’t sure how long he simply laid there with his eyes closed before he began to drift off to sleep. Tony no longer had the hope that everything that had happened had been a dream, because he knew for certain that his reality would now involve spending the rest of his life in a wheelchair.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Ziva paced the small waiting room outside of the Intensive Care Unit. She had wanted to see Tony, but Gibbs had been with him. Knowing how important it was for the team leader to be with DiNozzo when he woke up, she had elected to wait. It had already been a long night, so she figured that a few more minutes wouldn’t make that much of a difference.

She and McGee had made copies of all their files before they had been taken by IA. After the IA team had left, she, McGee, and Abby had all agreed that they needed to get some rest. They knew that they would be useless to Gibbs and Tony if they were too tired to do their jobs; they needed to be sharp and focused in order to withstand the scrutiny of the IA team.

She had decided that before she went home that she would go and see Tony. Ziva knew that the doctor was allowing him to wake up and if Gibbs was not permitted to be with him, perhaps she would be able to stand in his place. Upon her arrival, she learned that the former Marine was with Tony and did not want to intrude.

Ziva had not been waiting too long when she heard the door open and Gibbs entered the small room. She watched as he headed for the coffee pot and poured himself a cup of the steaming liquid. Ziva could sense his anger as it coursed through his body; his jaw was tightly clenched and she could see the vein in his temple pulsing in time with his accelerated heart rate.

“Gibbs?” she softly called out to him.

He whirled around, managing not to spill a drop of coffee as his eyes narrowed into his steely gaze. “What?” he snapped.

“I was just wondering how Tony was.”

“He’s just been told that he’s never going to walk again, Ziva. How do you think he’s doing?”

Ziva bristled at his sharp tone. “You are not the only one who’s worried about him. He’s my partner and my friend too,” she reminded him.

His expression softened slightly. “You’re right, Ziva. I didn’t mean to take my frustrations out on you.”

“Is that an apology?”

Gibbs took a sip of his coffee. “Closest one you’re going to get.”

“In that case, maybe you can answer my question without biting my head off.”

Her dark eyes followed the team leader as he sat down in one of the chairs. Ziva couldn’t recall a time that she had ever seen Gibbs appear to be so defeated.

“I’m not sure he really believes that he’s paralyzed,” Gibbs stated. “I don’t know if it’s the drugs in his system or he’s just refusing to accept the facts. He thinks that this whole thing is his fault and even though I told him he didn’t screw up, I can tell that he wasn’t convinced. The doctor was going in as I was leaving; maybe Winesett will be able to get through to him.”

“Does he remember the shooting?” Ziva inquired.

“Not all of it. He thinks he did something wrong and I can’t really tell him otherwise. I kept telling him that he didn’t mess up, but he’s still blaming himself.”

“I’m sure that he will remember in time.”

“I know he will. I guess that’s what I’m afraid of. He’s going to finally remember that I’m the one who put those two bullets in his back.”

“Gibbs, it was an accident,” she attempted to reason.

He took another drink of coffee and set his cup down on the table in front of him. “I’ve got a meeting with IA at 1300. I need to get my thoughts together.”

“Everything will work out.”

“I hope so, Ziva. For Tony’s sake.”

“I was hoping that I could catch you before you left.”

She and Gibbs turned at the sound of the ME’s voice. The team leader rose from his seat and in two strides was standing face to face with Ducky.

“What’s wrong?” Gibbs demanded to know.

“Nothing. Tony just asked for a few minutes alone,” Ducky explained. “He needed some time to mull over what Dr. Winesett told him. You know Tony.”

“Don’t leave him alone too long,” Gibbs warned. “He’ll let his thoughts run away with him.”

“I’ll go and sit with him for a while,” Ziva volunteered.

“I would welcome the break, my dear. Not that staying with Anthony is a burden, there are just some things that I need to get done,” the ME clarified.

“I don’t mind at all.”

Ziva gathered her things and left the two men alone, quickly making her way towards Tony’s room. She nodded a silent greeting to the nurses as she walked past their work station. Peering into his room, she studied the now sleeping form of her partner. Aside from the bandaged shoulder and the assorted IV’s, Tony did not look as if he had just received a debilitating injury.

She quietly entered and sat in the chair next to his bed. Ziva picked up his hand, careful not disturb him. “There has to an easier way to get a date with a nurse,” she teasingly whispered.

Tony didn’t answer, but then again, she didn’t expect one. “I’m sorry this happened to you, Tony. But you have to remember that being paralyzed does not change the man you are.”

Ziva had a feeling that the road ahead was not going to be easy, especially once Tony learned the truth about what happened. There would be anger, denial, guilt, and a myriad of other emotions that they all would have to help him through, but they would be there for him. She would be there for him. He was her friend and as he had proven to her time and time again over the years, friends were always there for each other.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


“I’ll be back after I’m done talking to the investigators,” Gibbs stated as he drained the rest of his cup.

“I assume you’ll have your escorts?” Ducky inquired.

“Yeah. I’ll play their game for a little longer.”

“I’m sorry, Jethro. I’m sorry it has to be this way.”

“It’s not your fault, Duck. I’ve only got myself to blame.”

“Blaming yourself will not help Tony,” the ME pointed out. “He really doesn’t understand the full extent of his injury yet. There will be issues that are going to arise that Tony probably hasn’t even considered.”

Gibbs raked his hand through his salt and pepper hair. Ducky was right. Tony knew that he could no longer walk, but that was just the beginning. Mundane tasks that were usually taken for granted would become difficult and time consuming.

“I know, Duck,” he finally replied.

“I don’t think you do, Jethro. There will be other physical problems that Tony will have to deal with other than his inability to walk. He’s more than likely going to have problems with his bladder and bowels, not to mention being more susceptible to infections and…”

“I get the picture!” Gibbs barked.

“I didn’t mean to upset you. I just think that if we’re going to help Tony, we have to be prepared to face the same reality he’s going to face.”

“If Tony can handle it, then we will too.”

“Of course we will,” the ME encouraged.

“We’re going to get him through this,” he vowed.

Gibbs couldn’t begin to imagine not having Tony to watch his six. Although he trusted McGee and Ziva, the faith he placed in his senior agent was unflappable. However, he had shattered DiNozzo’s trust by putting two bullets in his back and he wouldn’t blame Tony if the young man wanted to nothing more to do with him.

“Jethro…”

“I’ve got to go, Duck. I’ve got to talk to IA at 1300.”

“Don’t let them crucify you,” Ducky warned. “Tony’s going to need you.”

“I know,” he replied unconvincingly.

“Don’t crucify yourself. Tony wouldn’t want that either.”

Gibbs curtly nodded, not trusting his voice to answer the ME. He would not cover up his mistake and he didn’t expect anyone else to lie for him; his carelessness had forced Tony to pay the ultimate price and he owed it to DiNozzo to tell the truth. Gibbs got in his car and sped off towards the Navy Yard, uncertain of what his future would hold.

Gibbs sat in the interrogation room, coffee in hand, waiting for the IA team to interview him. This was not his first time being interviewed by Internal Affairs, but he had never been the focus of an investigation. Glancing at his watch, he mentally calculated that he had about five minutes before his scheduled interview; five minutes until he was forced to relieve the fateful moment when had destroyed DiNozzo’s life.

Anthony DiNozzo was the closest thing that he would ever have to a son; a father wasn’t supposed to hurt his child, but he had done just that. How could he have been so careless? What was he thinking? How could he put the welfare of a stranger before that of his own son? He probably would never have the answer to those questions, but he would be plagued by those thoughts for years to come.

The door opened and two well dressed men entered. One was in his mid fifties, his receding hair line making him appear older than his actual years. The second man was younger by a couple of decades, but Gibbs could tell by the way he carried himself that the young man thought he had something to prove.

The older man sat down across from him. “Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs?”

“That would be me,” he replied.

“I’m Inspector Jerry Carlson and this is my associate Mark Landry. We’ve been assigned to look into the shooting of Agent Anthony DiNozzo.”

Gibbs merely nodded his understanding as he waited for Carlson to proceed. He knew what he was going to say and he was fully prepared to face the consequences. Whatever punishment was decided would be nothing compared to the guilt he would feel every time he saw Tony in a wheelchair.

“Agent DiNozzo is currently your senior field agent,” Carlson began. “Is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“How would you rate his job performance?”

“He’s the best there is.”

“How long have you worked together?”

Gibbs blew out a frustrated breath. “Close to seven years.”

“That’s a long time,” the inspector observed. “So, I take it you have a good working relationship.”

“Yes.”

“Do you think Agent DiNozzo would agree with you?”

“You’ll just have to ask Agent DiNozzo, won’t you?” he sharply retorted.

“I’m asking you.”

How was he supposed to answer that question? Ducky had told him more than once that he and Tony were more alike than different. They complimented each other, always seemingly knowing what the other one was thinking. But that had been before he had shot his own agent.

“Agent Gibbs, you need to answer Inspector Carlson’s question,” Landry insisted.

He glared at the younger man; his icy stare silently informing the young investigator that he was not going to be so easily intimidated. “I would think that Agent DiNozzo would agree,” Gibbs stated.

“If you have such a good relationship, then why is he lying in a hospital bed, Agent Gibbs?”

“Tony’s lying in a hospital bed because he was wounded apprehending two men who had kidnapped a young girl.”

“Why don’t you tell us what happened?” Carlson suggested, obviously trying to ease the tension between him and Landry.

“It’s in my report.”

“I’ve read the report and now I want you to tell me what happened.”

Gibbs clenched his jaw; his personal opinion of IA investigators slipping yet another notch. If it wasn’t for the fact that he needed to get back to the hospital, he would show them that he could play mind games with the best of them.

He began to recall in detail what happened from the time that they received a hit on the bolo up until the time Tony was wounded. He spoke of how the two suspects opened fire on them and how DiNozzo managed to take down the first one. Pausing for a moment to collect his thoughts, he wanted to get every detail right, leaving nothing to interpretation.

“Agent Gibbs?” Landry called to him. “Please continue.”

Clenching his fist, he struggled against the urge to slug the pompous bastard leaning over him. Mark Landry was trying to play the bad cop of the infamous good cop, bad cop routine, and in his opinion, he wasn’t doing so well. It was a poor choice of tactics to use on someone as experienced as him. Ignoring the younger man, he met Carlson’s patient gaze and prepared to continue to give his statement.

“Agent DiNozzo was shot in the shoulder and grazed in the side,” the inspector clarified.

“Yes. I saw him go down. The other suspect was firing on me and he finally ran out of ammunition. At that point, I ordered him to surrender and he refused.”

“And then what?”

“By that time, he had replaced his clip and was preparing to fire again. I raised my weapon to return fire and somehow, Tony had gotten to his feet and…stumbled into my line of fire.”

“You didn’t see Agent DiNozzo get up?”

“No.”

“Why do you think Agent DiNozzo got up?”

“I can’t say for sure.”

“Speculation, then?”

“I think he was still trying to do his job.”

“Which was?”

“To apprehend the kidnappers and save Sarah Carpenter’s life.”

“Do you think he was aware of your presence?”

“I don’t know. He was losing a lot of blood; he could have possibly been disoriented.”

Carlson wrote something down on a piece of paper and slid it over to Landry. Gibbs noticed that the young man did not look happy; a frustrated expression clouding his youthful features. Landry hastily left the room, slamming the door behind him.

“Your partner’s got a big chip on his shoulder,” Gibbs stated.

“Yep. Every once in a while, I’ve got to take him down a notch or two. I sent him for coffee.”

Gibbs laughed. “That’ll do it every time.”

“Sounds like you’ve had experience in this area.”

“A little.”

“So, now that junior’s gone, let’s get this over with.”

“Couldn’t agree more. I’ve got better things to do.”

Carlson put his pen down and leaned back in his chair. “You know, I’m quite a bit more relaxed than Mark, but I do take my job very seriously. I expect you to take this interview seriously as well.”

“Believe me, I do,” he assured the other man. “What happened shouldn’t have happened and I accept full responsibility.”

“Trying to be a martyr?” Carlson challenged.

“No, just being realistic.”

The inspector simply nodded. “After you shot Agent DiNozzo, what happened?”

“I shot the perp and went and checked on Sarah Carpenter. After making sure that she was all right, I gave her my phone and instructed her to call 911. I then went and took care of Tony until the paramedics arrived. Officer David and McGee came along a short while later and began to process the scene and I rode to the hospital with Tony.”

“Was Agent DiNozzo your only backup? Where were Agent McGee and Officer David?”

“When we got the bolo, DiNozzo notified McGee and Ziva and told them that we were in pursuit. I knew that they wouldn’t be far behind, especially with Ziva driving.”

“Based upon the severity of Agent DiNozzo’s injury, I can only assume that he wasn’t wearing a vest. Were you?”

Gibbs shook his head. “Neither of us was wearing one.”

“Why not?” Carlson wanted to know.

“Agent DiNozzo wanted to take the time, but I didn’t. He was following my lead.”

“And by doing so, he ended up with three bullets in him. Maybe following your lead wasn’t such a good idea.”

“You’re right. I screwed the pooch and now Tony’s paying the price. Is that what you want to here?” the team leader growled. “I wanted to find Sarah Carpenter and I was willing to do whatever it took to get her back.”

Carlson closed the file that was lying on the table. “This was a personal case for you, wasn’t it? The kidnappers wanted to get even with you, so let me ask you this, Agent Gibbs. Once you discovered the identity of the two kidnappers, why didn’t you hand this case off to another team?”

“It was my fight.”

“Your fight? Aren’t you familiar with the old adage, there is no ‘I’ in team?”

“I’m quite familiar with it. My team is the best there is; they would literally follow me into hell and they have several times. I tried not to involve them, but it didn’t work out that way,” he recalled.

“Would you say that your desire to take matters into your own hands clouded your judgment?” Carlson pressed.

“I don’t know.” He thought for a moment, recalling the conversation that he had Tony had just before the shooting. Tony had questioned his motives and Gibbs had become defensive, knowing deep down that DiNozzo had been right.

“Let me ask it this way; would your team say that your judgment was affected by the personal nature of this case?”

Gibbs studied his calloused hands. These were the same hands that pulled the trigger, destroying his son’s life in a fraction of a second. He balled up his fists, sighing in frustration. “I don’t know. You’ll have to ask them,” he finally answered.

“I will be doing just that,” Carlson assured him. “If their statements back up what you’ve told me this afternoon, then your career as an NCIS agent could be in serious trouble.”

“I’m aware of that.”

“I will be in contact with you very soon, Agent Gibbs. You’re free to go.”

Gibbs rose from his seat and headed to the door. He pulled out his cell so he could check on Tony; hopefully DiNozzo was still asleep and he could be back at the hospital before Tony woke up. “Agent Gibbs?” Carlson called out to him.

Turning on his heels, he snapped his phone shut and impatiently waited for the inspector to catch up to him. “What is it?”

“I’m sure that you’re worried about your agent, but until we can get Agent DiNozzo’s statement, you are not permitted to see him.”

“I’m listed as his next of kin,” Gibbs angrily pointed out. “I’ve already agreed to having babysitters in the room every time I see him.”

“Not this time.”

“Why not?”

“It’s the rules.”

“I have my own set of rules, Inspector Carlson, and one of them includes not standing on the sidelines when one of my team is in trouble.” Actually, that one had been Tony’s, but he had claimed it for his own.

“Don’t force me to get a restraining order,” Carlson warned. “We’re doing this by the book.”

“Guess I’m a slow reader. I haven’t gotten to that chapter yet.”

“Gibbs! I’m serious.”

“So am I!” he snapped. “It’s bad enough that he’s paralyzed because of me, but I will not let him go through this alone!”

“I understand that. All I’m asking you to do is to wait until we interview him. We’ll do it as soon as his doctor gives the okay.”

Gibbs began to walk away, ignoring the continued protests of the Inspector. He figured that the man was already on the phone making the necessary calls to make sure that he didn’t get in to see Tony. He didn’t care about rules; the only thing that mattered to him was making sure that DiNozzo was all right. As long as Tony needed him or wanted him around, he would be there for him, despite what anyone else had to say.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Tony opened his eyes, struggling to bring the dimly lit room into focus. He wasn’t sure what had awakened him from his slumber; it could have been a number of things. It could have been the dull ache in his shoulder or it could have been the fact that he wanted to wake up and discover that this whole ordeal had actually been a bad dream, or it could have been the fact that someone was sitting beside him snoring very loudly. He tiredly smiled as he recognized the familiar sound. Ziva.

He thought he had heard her voice earlier, but it had been difficult to discern if she had been real or a dream. She had told him that being paralyzed didn’t change who he was, but she was wrong. It would change him. Tony had always prided himself on his independence. Truthfully, he had been on his own since he was twelve, so he had learned at an early age how to take care of himself. Now, he was going to have to rely on others for help and that was something that did not come easy for him.

He supposed he could just keep telling himself that this was all a bad dream; maybe one day, he would even believe it. There was only one way to tell.

With his good hand, he placed it on his right leg. Nothing. He scratched the top of his leg and still felt nothing. The words of Gibbs and the doctor came rushing back to him as they told him about the paralysis and how it was permanent.

“No,” Tony whispered. “It can’t be true.”

The lack of sensation only encouraged him to scratch even harder. At the moment, he didn’t even care if he drew blood; he just wanted to be able to feel something. After a few more attempts, Tony finally gave up and pulled his hand from underneath the sheet. He blew out a frustrated breath.

“God, this can’t be happening,” he muttered.

“Tony?”

He glanced over to see Ziva rising from her chair to stand over him. “Tony? Are you all right?”

Tony attempted to muster his infamous grin for his partner. “I’m fine,” he lied. “I still see you haven’t seen anyone…about your snoring problem.”

“I could say the same thing about you,” she playfully countered. “Now, back to my original question. Are you all right?”

Tony looked away, knowing that he couldn’t look in her eyes and lie to her again. “Shoulder hurts a little,” he admitted.

“I will tell the nurse.”

He grabbed onto her wrist, wincing as he instantly regretted the sudden move. “No. Not yet,” Tony pleaded. “It’s not that bad. I’m not ready…to go back to sleep.”

“You need your rest,” Ziva reminded him.

“Please?” He stared at Ziva with puppy dog eyes, hoping to melt that tough exterior that covered her warm heart.

“Do not look at me like that,” she warned. “It is bad enough that you are lying in a hospital bed, helpless, but looking at me like that will. Ziva stopped, realizing what she had said. “Oh God, Tony. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant…”

“It’s all right, Ziva,” Tony assured her. “I know what you meant.”

“I have never seen you as helpless and I do not believe you are helpless now.”

“Ziva, it’s okay. Slip of the tongue; happens to me…all the time. Please, just forget it.”

“Only if you say you forgive me.”

“Fine. I forgive you.”

“You do?”

“Yes.”

“Do you really?”

“Yes!” he exclaimed.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

She took his hand and gently squeezed it. “Everything will be all right.”

“Sure,” Tony sighed.

“It will, Tony. We are all going to help you through this,” she vowed.

“I know.”

There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that the team would rally around him in an effort to help him adjust to his new life in a wheelchair. Ducky and Palmer would make sure that his health was carefully monitored, Abby would be his cheerleader, McGee and Ziva would be anything he needed them to be, and Gibbs would probably remodel his whole apartment making sure that everything was handicap accessible. Hopefully, the team leader wouldn’t have the urge to build a boat in his living room.

“Tony?” Ziva called to him, interrupting his thoughts.

“Huh?”

He noticed that she was now examining his fingers on his right hand. “You have some blood on your fingertips and it looks like bits of skin under your nails.”

Tony jerked his hand free. “I probably scratched myself in my sleep,” he reasoned.

Leaning over him, she examined the areas around his bandaged shoulder and side. “I do not see any nail marks. Care to try again?”

“Not really.”

Ziva started to pull back the sheet that covered the lower half of his now useless body. “What are you doing?” he growled.

“I’ve already seen everything you have or have you forgotten?”

Tony could feel his cheeks flush slightly. How could he forget? He would never forget the softness of her skin as he held her or the passionate hunger of her kisses. They had been undercover as married assassins, but there had been times during that operation, the lust had been real, at least on his part.

He heard her gasp when she saw the scratch marks on his right leg. “Tony? Why?” she demanded to know.

He closed his eyes, a sense of shame consuming him. “I just wanted it…to be…a dream. I thought maybe Gibbs and the doc…were wrong. Should have known better. Gibbs is never… wrong.”

Ziva went over to the sink and wet a wash cloth with warm, soapy water. As she began to clean the wound, Tony found himself hoping that he could feel her touch. He was forced to tamp down a scream when he realized that he could still feel nothing.

She then picked his hand up and washed the dried blood off his fingers. “I don’t think it needs a bandage,” she announced.

Tony nodded. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Do you need anything else?”

“I’d like to sit up a little. I’ve never liked lying on my back, unless I’m…well you know,”

Ziva smiled as she covered him back up and tucked him in. “I’ll ask the nurse. They don’t want you moving around too much.”

“Well, tell them that if I don’t get a different view soon, that I’m leaving a complaint with the manager,” he teased.

“I’m glad you haven’t lost your sense of humor.”

“Yeah, well.” He couldn’t afford to lose his humor; he was going to need it to get through the challenges that lay ahead. “Um, listen…you’re not going to tell Gibbs about me scratching my leg, are you?” he nervously asked.

“I…”

“Sorry,” he apologized. “I shouldn’t put you in that position.”

“Tony…”

“So, where is Gibbs?”

“He is being interviewed by Internal Affairs.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sure he’ll be here as soon as he can,” she promised. “Nothing will keep him from your side.”

“I just hope he doesn’t have to pay from my screw up,” Tony mused.

“You did not screw up, Tony.”

“You know, Ziva,” he said. “I think I’m ready for that pain medicine now. Do you mind getting the nurse?”

Ziva nodded. “All right. I’ll be right back.”

Tony watched Ziva leave the room. No matter what anyone said, he knew he had messed up; he should have done something to stop Gibbs from heading down that familiar path of self destruction. Tony had followed him on this very same path several times and he should have drawn the line this last time. If he had, maybe he wouldn’t be lying in the hospital, wondering how the hell he was going to weather this latest storm.

Ziva glanced back over her shoulder, studying her partner as he feigned sleep. Tony had asked her to tell the nurse that he needed some pain medicine, but she knew his request was partially a ploy to get rid of her so he could have a few minutes of solitude. She could easily sense his inner turmoil, knowing that he was trying to handle everything that had happened in typical DiNozzo fashion, but his underlying pain was crying out for relief. It was the way that he had sought that relief that was bothering her. After she had discovered that Tony had purposefully hurt himself because he so desperately wanted to feel something, her own feeling of helplessness had almost consumed her.

Her desire to help Tony was overwhelming. She knew she had to something, but for the first time in her life, she wasn’t sure what to do and she hated that feeling of indecisiveness. Ziva blew out a pent up breath and walked past the guard that had been posted outside of Tony’s room as she headed towards the nurse’s station. She knew that Dr. Winesett did not approve of the guard and hoped that it was only a matter of time until the doctor rectified the situation. Once Tony was fully cognizant of everything that had happened, the knowledge that he was being guarded would only add to his stress.

She leaned on the counter top, patiently waiting for the nurse to finish conversing with a doctor so she could request Tony’s pain medication. A familiar presence quietly appeared beside her. Easily recognizing the scent of sawdust and coffee, she greeted the team leader in a hushed tone. “Gibbs.”

“How’s Tony?” he asked, handing her a cup of coffee.

Ziva wasn’t surprised that the first words out of his mouth were concern for the senior field agent. Even before she became an official member of the team, she had noticed a special connection between Gibbs and DiNozzo. She wasn’t sure if the bond that they shared was that of mentor and apprentice, siblings, or father and son; although she did lean towards the latter. The one thing that was clearly obvious was the fact that Tony and Gibbs had each other’s back.

“His uh…shoulder is hurting him,” she replied. “He asked me to see if he could have something for pain.”

“DiNozzo asked for a pain killer?”

“Yes. I’m sure his shoulder is causing him some discomfort, but personally I think that he wanted to be alone.”

Gibbs took a sip of his coffee. “Sounds about right.”

She nodded in agreement, taking a drink of her own coffee. There was no doubt that Gibbs was an expert in DiNozzo avoidance techniques and she was on the fast track to becoming one as well. Both of them knew that Tony was using the time alone to put the mask that he constantly wore back in place so no one could see his true pain.

“He wants us to believe that he is fine, but he obviously is not,” she stated.

“No, he’s not,” the team leader agreed.

“Being in a wheelchair is going to be difficult for him to accept and it will be even harder on him if he does not let his friends help him.”

“It’s always been hard for Tony to ask for help.”

“But why?”

Gibbs merely shrugged as he continued to stare straight ahead. Ziva silently chastised herself. She should have known that Gibbs was not going to reveal any of Tony’s secrets. There was a part of DiNozzo’s life that he managed to keep behind a veil and Gibbs had been the only one that had ever been allowed to catch a glimpse of the real Anthony DiNozzo.

Knowing that she wouldn’t get an answer, she decided to broach another subject. “So, how did your interview go with Internal Affairs?”

“About like I figured it would.”

“What do you mean? Do you think they will rule it as an accidental shooting?”

“I don’t know, Ziva.”

“What did you tell them?”

“I can’t discuss it.”

“I received a message on my cell phone that my interview is tomorrow morning at 9. I’m certainly not looking forward to it.”

“Just tell the truth.”

Ziva stared at the former Marine. “And what is the truth, Gibbs? I know that you would never intentionally hurt Tony, but could all this have been avoided?”

“You worked the crime scene; you know what Abby found when she processed the evidence. What do you think?”

Ziva thought for a moment. She wasn’t sure how to answer that question or even if she wanted to. There was no doubt that Gibbs had been very focused on this case to the point that she had questioned his judgment, but she had not confronted him as Tony had dared to; maybe if she had, none of this would have happened.

“I don’t know,” she finally admitted. “Maybe if things had been handled differently, then…”

“Tony would still be able to walk,” he finished.

“That is not what I meant.”

“I know,” he conceded. “But it’s true.”

The Mossad officer knew that Gibbs’ guilt ran deep, but until now, she had no idea how bottomless the pit of his despair actually was. Now it was clear to her that this was a father agonizing over what had happened to his son. “Gibbs, I…”

“Just tell the truth, Ziva,” he repeated. “That’s all you can do.”

Their conversation was interrupted as the nurse approached them and asked them if they needed anything. As Ziva informed her of Tony’s request for more pain medication, she managed to keep a watchful eye on the team leader. Satisfied that her partner’s needs were being met, she turned her undivided attention back to Gibbs.

“Have you been granted permission to see Tony?” she inquired.

“Not technically. The IA investigator wants me to stay clear, but I can’t do it. I know DiNozzo and he’s lying in that room, thinking that he somehow screwed up and I can’t let him continue to do that. He’s got to know the truth.”

“So, you’re going to tell him that you shot him?” Ziva wasn’t sure that telling Tony the truth right now was a good idea. The senior agent was having enough trouble accepting the fact that he could no longer walk without finding out that he was shot by the one man who meant the world to him.

“Yeah,” Gibbs sighed in frustration. “I have to.”

“Perhaps you should wait,” she suggested.

“I’ve known Tony a long time and I know how he thinks. What happened is not his fault and until he knows the truth, he’ll continue to bear a burden that isn’t his.”

Although the former Marine had a valid point, Ziva still was uncomfortable with the timing of everything. “How do you plan on getting in to see him? You do not have your escorts,” she pointed out.

“I lost them about an hour ago.”

“How are you going to get past the guard?”

Gibbs looked at the guard standing outside of Tony’s door. “It won’t be a problem.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Go on home and get some rest,” Gibbs instructed. “You’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

“You did not answer my question.”

“No, I didn’t. Good night, Ziva.”

She watched Gibbs as he walked away from her and towards the guard. Ziva was prepared for a confrontation, but the agent who was guarding Tony’s room merely nodded at the team leader as he entered DiNozzo’s room. She stood firmly planted in place, uncertain of what had just happened. The agent was young and most of the younger men and women were easily intimidated by Gibbs, but the team leader had not even graced the guard with his infamous glare.

Ziva walked towards the guard, who was now smiling at her. “Um, excuse me,” she said. “Can I ask you something Agent…”

“Watts. Danny Watts,” he introduced himself.

“Agent Watts, I was wondering why you allowed Agent Gibbs into Tony’s room. I’m sure that you were given strict orders not to, so why are you disobeying a direct order?”

“Agent Gibbs and my father served together in Kuwait and he saved my father’s life. He brought my father home alive and I swore that if there was some way I could repay him that I would,” he began to explain. “I’ve been working as an agent for a year or so and when I ended up pulling guard duty for one of Agent Gibbs’ team, I figured something was going on. My supervisor explained the situation, but I knew that there had to be an explanation. I uh…let Agent Gibbs know when I would be on duty.”

“You could get in a lot of trouble for doing this,” she pointed out.

“I’m not going to tell, are you?”

“No, but what if someone figures it out?”

“Agent Gibbs said he would handle it.”

Ziva nodded. “All right. Well, good night then.”

“Good night.”

Ziva stepped just inside the door and grabbed her bag. Gibbs was standing at the foot of Tony’s bed, staring at the young man, who was now lightly dozing. Two lives utterly destroyed in one split second; was there anyway that they would be able to rebuild the trust that was about to be shattered?

Slinging her bag over her shoulder, she made her way down the hall towards the elevator. Tomorrow she would be questioned about Tony’s shooting and she would be expected to answer truthfully. Depending on the questions that were asked and the answers that she would be forced to provide, she could possibly end the career of the team leader. She was suddenly grateful that she was going to be able to go home; she had to prepare for tomorrow. Ziva had been trained to withstand interrogations under the direst of circumstances; perhaps it was time to call upon some of her former training.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


His senses were immediately on edge; he was definitely being watched. Although Tony had finally managed to drift off for a few minutes, he was instantly awakened upon the realization that he wasn’t alone. He had to blink several times to bring the image hovering at the foot of his bed into focus. Gibbs. Tony allowed a small grin to escape his lips; he should have known that the team leader would find some way to see him.

“Where’s your baby sitters?” he slurred, feeling the effects of the pain medicine that the nurse had given him just a few minutes earlier.

“Ditched them in Georgetown,” Gibbs replied.

“Took the long way back, huh?’

“Yep.”

“What about the guard?”

“Pays to have connections.”

“Jenny?” Tony teased.

“Hardly,” the team leader huffed. “Believe it or not, there are still some people that want to do the right thing.”

“Be sure to thank him for me.”

“I will,” Gibbs promised.

Tony couldn’t shake the feeling that something was definitely bothering the team leader. There was an uncertainty in the eyes of the former Marine that completely unnerved him. He had worked with Gibbs long enough that he knew the older man’s moods all too well and it was clearly obvious that his mentor was upset. Tony couldn’t help but wonder if Gibbs was here to tell him that he had been fired.

“So, what’s up, Boss?” Tony asked, his need to know the truth outweighing the apprehension that he was experiencing.

“Sometimes you’re too perceptive, DiNozzo,” Gibbs grunted as he took the seat that recently been occupied by Ziva.

“I learned from the best.”

Gibbs was silent. Tony had always been uneasy with complete stillness, usually shattering the quietness of any moment with some off-handed comment or movie reference.

“No,” Gibbs softly disagreed. “You’ve always had that ability. The first time we met, it took you all of two seconds to figure out what the second ‘b’ stood for.”

“It wasn’t that hard,” Tony quipped.

“I guess not.”

Tony found the control that operated his bed and pressed the button that would raise the head of his bed a little more. He felt his shoulder pull a little, but thanks to the medication he had received, the pain was tolerable. He met the team leader’s concerned gaze. “You’ve never beat around the bush before, so why start now?”

“I guess because I know you’re not going to like what I have to say.”

Tony sighed. “I’m being fired, aren’t I?”

“No!” Gibbs sharply exclaimed. “Why would you even think that?”

“You know why! I messed up!”

The team leader shook his head. “No, Tony. You did not screw up!”

“I can’t remember what happened and no one will tell me, so what else am I supposed to believe?”

Gibbs leaned forward and cupped his face in his hands. “Look at me, Tony. Have I ever lied to you before?”

“No.”

“Why would I start now?”

“I don’t know.”

“What happened was my fault,” Gibbs insisted.

“How can it be your fault?”

He watched the team leader as he leaned back in his chair. Tony wanted an explanation; he wanted to know what happened and more importantly he wanted to know why Gibbs was blaming himself. He watched as the former Marine seemingly struggled to form the words he wanted to say. Gibbs was not one to mince words and his reluctance to do so now only furthered Tony’s anxiety.

“I should have listened to you, Tony,” the older man finally managed to say. “If I had, you wouldn’t be lying here in this bed.”

“Gibbs, I…”

“Let me finish,” he pleaded.

He nodded as he met Gibbs’ saddened gaze with his own curious stare. “All right.”

“If I had let you put on your vest…”

“Gibbs, don’t even go there. I…”

“I said, let me finish!”

Tony flinched at the harshness of Gibbs’ voice. That sharpness was usually reserved for the field and not when he was lying in a hospital bed.

“If I had let you put on your vest, you would have been protected from serious injury.” Gibbs swallowed hard. “The bullets you took in the back were…from my gun.”

That was not what Tony had expected to hear. The last thing that he clearly remembered was being shot in the shoulder while still managing to take the other man down. He could barely recall anything after that until he woke up in the hospital and had been informed that he was never going to walk again.

Now it was Tony’s turn to be rendered speechless. “What?” he finally managed to ask, disbelief and uncertainty evident in his voice.

“I thought you were down,” Gibbs continued to explain. “I didn’t see you get up and you took two of my bullets in your back. I’m sorry, Tony. I’m…sorry.”

Tony laid his head back against the pillow. “It’s okay.” He had no idea why he had said that. It wasn’t okay. In fact, it sucked.

Apparently, Gibbs was also confused by his reaction. “Tony, it’s not okay.”

“It was an accident, Gibbs.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that it happened.”

“No, it doesn’t. There’s just no use in crying over spilled milk.”

Gibbs lowered the side rail and sat on the edge of mattress. “Tony, I just told you that I shot you in the back. My bullets are the reason that you’re paralyzed and you’re acting like I made you miss a Magnum marathon.”

“Things happen for a reason, Gibbs.”

“This happened because I was too careless and too pig headed to…”

Tony clenched his jaw, desperately fighting the urge to scream. “What do you want me to say, Gibbs? Do you want me to say that I blame you? Do you want me to be angry with you? What do you want from me?”

Gibbs looked away, sighing in defeat. “I don’t know, Tony. I guess I want your forgiveness.”

“You’re forgiven,” he blurted out, uncertain if he truly meant those words he had managed to utter.

“Tony, I…”

“Gibbs, I’m kind of getting sleepy. Can we talk about this later?”

“All right, but we will talk about this. I’ve also told IA what happened and I’ll take full responsibility for…”

“You don’t have to be a martyr. That’s not going to change anything.”

“I wasn’t trying to be a martyr,” Gibbs reasoned. “I just want you to know that when the IA team gets around to interviewing you, you make sure that they know that none of what happened was your fault. You were in the right.”

Tony closed his eyes. A mixture of anger and exhaustion was consuming him. There was no doubt in his mind that the shooting was an accident, but that didn’t change the fact that he had been the one to suffer the consequences of an obsession gone wrong. He was going to have to find a way to deal with this; Gibbs would never purposefully hurt him and he knew that, but it didn’t change the fact that he was still paralyzed because the man that was like a father to him had shot him and changed his life forever.

Gibbs sat back down in the chair beside Tony’s bed, waiting for the senior agent to do or say something that would be an indication of how DiNozzo was really dealing with the team leader’s revelation. Admitting that the bullets that had changed Tony’s life forever had come from his gun had been one of the most difficult things that he had ever done, but the younger man deserved to hear the truth and the team leader knew that he had to be the one to tell him what had happened. Tony’s reaction to the news had been unexpected. Aside from one tiny outburst, DiNozzo had been calm and accepting of the fact that the former Marine had shot him.

He knew that Tony had a habit of hiding behind a mask, a testament to the man’s unusual upbringing. The dark-haired agent didn’t speak often of his childhood and when he did, he usually followed it by some kind of off beat joke. The team leader had learned to read in between the lines and had figured out that displays of emotion had been frowned upon in the DiNozzo household. When it came to dealing with personal feelings, Tony was a very private person and preferred to handle things in his own way, but Gibbs was determined not to let him face his future alone.

Leaning back in the chair, he watched as Tony’s breathing finally evened out, signifying that he was no longer trying to feign sleep, but had actually drifted off. Gibbs knew that DiNozzo was probably hoping that if he appeared to be asleep, then he would leave; but, Tony should have known that he would stay as long as he could. He glanced at his watched and mentally calculated how many hours he had before he would have to leave. There was so much more that needed to be said and Gibbs didn’t know when he would have another opportunity to talk to his senior agent. Unfortunately, Agent Watts couldn’t be on protection detail 24 hours a day so he could go and come as he pleased.

He decided that he would let Tony sleep a little longer, while he kept a silent vigil. Maybe by the time DiNozzo woke up, he would figure out exactly what he wanted to say to the young man; but at the moment, all he could come up with were a lot of meaningless platitudes.

“Agent Gibbs?”

The team leader looked up as Dr. Winesett entered the room. He rose from his seat and nodded a muted greeting to the physician. “Dr. Winesett.”

“You can call me Bill,” the doctor insisted.

“Jethro.”

Gibbs genuinely liked this man; any one who had the balls to stand up to Jenny Shepard deserved his respect. So far, he and Tony had been the only ones to challenge her and now, he could add the good doctor to their distinguished club.

“I see he’s sleeping,” Bill observed.

“Yeah. He has been for a few minutes,” Gibbs informed him.

“I’m sure he was glad to see you.”

Gibbs shook his head. “I doubt it. Not after I told him that I was the one who shot him in the back.”

The doctor glanced up from studying Tony’s chart. “I guess that explains why Director Shepard didn’t want you around Agent DiNozzo,” Winesett mused.

“You mean that she didn’t give you a reason why I couldn’t see him?” he asked.

“All she said was that it had to do with an Internal Affairs investigation that you would both be involved in; I had no idea that it was your bullets that…”

“Caused him to be paralyzed?” the team leader finished. He sat back down in the chair, his gaze finally coming to rest on Tony’s still form. “Now you know and so does Tony.”

“You told him?”

“I had to. I didn’t want him to find out from the Internal Affairs guys or pick it up from idle gossip.”

“How did he take it?”

“He hasn’t said too much.”

“Is that good or bad?”

“I don’t know yet. He kind of shut down on me and went to sleep,” Gibbs stated. “I don’t know what’s going to happen or what he’s going to say when he wakes up.”

“I’m sure that given time, Agent DiNozzo will come to terms with what happened. You just have to be willing to give him that time,” the physician pointed out.

“I’ll give him all the time in the world if that’s what he needs.”

“He’ll need more than time. He’s going to need a lot of support, not just from you, but from all his friends.”

“We plan on being there for him every step of the way.”

Winesett closed Tony’s chart and then checked the monitor to make sure that his vitals were stable. Gibbs had always excelled at reading people and right now, it was obvious that the doctor had something that he wanted to say. “Something on your mind, Bill?”

“Jethro, would you care to join me for a cup of coffee?”

“As long as it doesn’t take too long,” he conditionally agreed. “I want to be here in case he wakes up again.”

“I’ll try not to keep you too long.”

Gibbs followed Dr. Winesett out of Tony’s room, pausing at the door long enough to spare a fleeting glance at the injured agent. “Hang in there, Tony,” the team leader encouragingly whispered.

He continued to follow the doctor, nodding to Agent Watts as they headed towards the lounge. Gibbs was definitely going to have to call Danny Watts’ father and let his old friend know what a fine young man his son had turned out to be. The young agent was taking a huge risk helping him and Leroy Jethro Gibbs would always be in his debt.

Following Dr. Winesett into the lounge, he took a seat as the other man closed the door and poured two cups of coffee. Gibbs took the offered cup and took a sip. He grimaced as he swallowed the bitter liquid. “Not my usual blend,” he muttered.

“I never said it would a good cup of coffee,” the physician quipped.

The team leader tiredly grinned. “No, you didn’t. You could have a least warned me.”

“Where would the fun be in that?”

“Remind me to treat you to a real cup of coffee sometime,” Gibbs offered. “One taste and you’ll never be able to go back to this swill.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

Gibbs set his cup down on the table and pushed it away from him. “So, what did you want to talk about?” he asked. He didn’t want to be away from Tony’s side any longer than necessary.

Sitting down across from him, the doctor folded his hands on the table, taking a minute to gather his thoughts. “I want to talk to you about Tony,” he began.

“I’m listening.”

“I wish that you would have waited to tell Agent DiNozzo the truth about the shooting.”

“And why is that?”

“He’s just learned that he’s going to be paralyzed for the rest of his life; don’t you think it was a little too soon to deliver another blow?”

“Maybe,” Gibbs conceded. “But I know Tony well enough to know that he expects the whole truth and if I didn’t come clean, DiNozzo would blame himself. I couldn’t let him do that.”

He wasn’t sure if Winesett understood his reasoning, but it didn’t matter; the team leader was not going to permit Tony to carry a burden that wasn’t rightfully his.

“I understand that and I respect that; I’m just speaking from a doctor’s point of view.”

“I know and I appreciate the fact that you’re doing what you think is best for Tony, but so am I. I’ve known DiNozzo a long time and we’ve been through a lot together. Did you know that he had the plague once?”

Bill nodded. “I’ve read his history. Agent DiNozzo seems like a fighter.”

“He is.”

“That’s good to know because he’s going to have one hell of a fight in front of him.”

Gibbs could remember Ducky say something similar but at the time, he had other things on his mind including his IA interview. “I know that and so does he.”

“Do you?”

His eyes narrowed into an inquisitive stare. “What do you mean?”

“Agent DiNozzo is going to have to learn a whole new way of living. Simple tasks that we take forgranted are going to present a challenge for him. With paraplegia, comes the loss of bladder and bowel control; Tony will have to literally train his bladder and bowels when to go. He’ll be more susceptible to kidney and bladder infections, pressure sores, and because of the damage done to his lungs, he’ll be a likely candidate to develop upper respiratory infections.

“He’s going to have to learn to dress himself and do things for himself that he used to be able to do without thinking. Although he can’t use his legs, he’s going to have to still work the muscles to prevent atrophy; that will certainly help prevent other problems blood clots and the sores I mentioned earlier.”

Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose. He could imagine Tony’s reaction when he learned that he was going to have to learn how to take a piss again, among other things. Ducky had tried to warn him, but somehow hearing this from DiNozzo’s doctor made it seem so real, so final. “So, how’s he going to learn to do all of this?”

“If he remains stable for the next 36-48 hours, I want to send him to the National Rehabilitation Hospital here in D.C.; I think that being there will help him immensely. The sooner he starts rehab, the better off he’ll be.”

“I’ve heard of this place.”

“It’s one of the best.”

“How long will he have to stay there?” Gibbs wanted to know.

“As an inpatient, probably around three weeks,” Bill answered. “Then depending on his progress, he’ll move to a day program, and then finally to outpatient. They’ll help him with everything from the personal issues we discussed earlier to learning how to drive. He’ll come away from there with as much independence as he had before the shooting; Agent DiNozzo will just learn a new way of doing things. I’ve got a packet in my office for Tony that will go into more detail about the services they offer. I thought maybe you would want to read it and then discuss it with him.”

Gibbs sighed. The doctor had given him a lot to mull over. “Thanks, Doc,” he finally managed to say. “For everything.”

“You’re welcome.” The doctor rose from his seat. “By the way, I’m still working on getting those restrictions lifted. Your Director is a difficult woman.”

“You have no idea.”

“Take care, Jethro. If I can do anything, please don’t hesitate to have me paged.”

Standing up, he shook the physician’s hand, quietly nodding his thanks once again. Winesett left him in the lounge alone, the sound of water dripping from the faucet resonating throughout the tiny room as Bill’s words were echoing through his mind. There was so much that Tony was going to have to face and knowing DiNozzo, he would hide behind that damned mask, trying to convince everyone including himself that he could handle whatever crappy hand that life had dealt him. Gibbs knew that some tough love would be in order, but he wasn’t sure if he could overcome his own guilt to make sure that Tony got the help that he needed to live his life to the fullest once again.

As he made his way down towards Tony’s room, he saw that Agent Watts was no longer outside DiNozzo’s door. The team leader could hear voices coming from inside the room indicating that Tony was awake and the two young agents were talking. DiNozzo’s ability to strike up a conversation with anyone was one of those characteristics that had served him well throughout his life and had also lured many unsuspecting criminals into making a confession.

Gibbs started to enter the room when a familiar voice called out to him. Turning at the sound of his name, he watched as Director Jenny Shepard came storming over towards him. Hands on her hips, she icily stared at him, making him wonder what happened to the woman he had loved. The slight tremor in her voice spoke volumes of the anger she was managing to keep bottled up inside. Unfortunately, that anger came spewing out when she asked, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


When Tony woke up, he quickly discovered that he was alone. He found himself cherishing the few moments of tranquility, welcoming the brief respite from the constant vigils that his friends seemed determined to subject him to. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that his friends meant well, but it was hard to see the pity in their eyes as they awkwardly searched for the right words to say. He wanted them to believe that he was going to be fine and that he was going to overcome this latest obstacle in his life and walk again; the only problem was that he was having a hard time convincing himself of the fact.

He glanced down at his legs that were covered by a sheet and a heavy blanket. They were just lying there, unmoving and useless appendages that no longer served a purpose. There would be no more long runs in the park, no more football games in the snow with his frat buddies, no more boxing with Gibbs in the ring. He would longer be chasing dirtbags, kicking in doors, or running out to get coffee. All that had changed because of two misplaced bullets.

Despite Gibbs’ admission that he had been the one to put the two bullets in his back, Tony knew in his heart that it had been an accident, but his mind was having a hard time accepting that Gibbs had been the one who had pulled the trigger. He had tried to hide his anger from the team leader, even going as far as telling the man that he was forgiven, hoping that the former Marine couldn’t see through the mask that Tony had been forced to hide behind.

A lesson that he had learned from his father was to never allow people see your true feelings because your emotions can be used against you. Tony had become an expert at a young age at hiding behind his sense of humor and quick wit, easily deflecting those who tried to get to close. Very few people got a glimpse of the real Anthony DiNozzo; Jethro Gibbs had been one of those people. But now, until Tony got everything sorted out in his head, the team leader would only be allowed to see what he wanted him to see.

With his good arm, he reached for the water sitting on the table beside him. He managed to grasp the cup, but his hold was tenuous and both the cup and the water ended up on the floor. Tony’s first instinct was to get up and clean up the mess before anybody came and saw what had happened. He tried to sit up until a searing pain shot up his back. With a choked sob, he cried out, “Son of a bitch!”

“Are you all right?”

Tony forced his breathing to regulate as he glanced at the stranger standing in his doorway. After a few minutes, he nodded as he collapsed back onto the mattress. “Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks,” he gasped. “Who are you?”

“Agent Danny Watts,” the young man replied. “I was just standing outside your door and I heard you um…Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Yeah. I was just getting a drink of water and I dropped the cup.”

“I’ll get you a new one and some fresh water,” Watts volunteered. The agent retrieved a towel and quickly cleaned up the water off the floor.

Tony’s jaw clenched as he saw how easily the other man had taken care of the mess. He couldn’t even sit all the way up, much less get in the floor and swab up a little bit of water.

“Is there anything else you need?” Danny pleasantly inquired.

“No, I’m good. Thanks.”

“You acted like you were hurting earlier; are you sure I can’t get the nurse?”

“I said I was fine.” Tony blew out a frustrated breath. “So, why are you outside my door?”

“Because I was told to stay there.”

“By whom?”

“Director Shepard.”

Tony shook his head. “Say no more.” Now that Gibbs had told him about the shooting, he understood completely why the team leader had to have escorts and he had an armed guard outside his door. “Guess she doesn’t want us comparing stories?”

“Sir?”

“Don’t call me sir. I work for a living; or at least I used to,” he mumbled.

“Yes Sir. I mean, I understand, Agent DiNozzo,” Danny stammered.

The senior agent weakly smiled. “You remind me of our Probie.”

“Really? How long has he been on Agent Gibbs’ team?”

“About 4 years.”

“And you still call him Probie?”

“He insists on it,” Tony lied. “Keeps him humble.”

“How long have you been with Agent Gibbs?”

“Almost 7 years,” Tony answered automatically. “Why all the questions? The scuttlebutt already started?”

Tony didn’t miss the confused expression that now outlined the agent’s youthful features. “Scuttlebutt?”

“About who’s going to take my place on Gibbs’ team?”

“Uh, not that I know of,” the younger man nervously stated. “As far as I know, there’s not a vacancy.”

“Give it time.”

“I’m not sure what you mean, Agent DiNozzo.”

“Nothing. Just forget I said anything. Pain medication makes me kind of loopy; I tend to talk out of my head a lot,” he explained, hoping that the other man would not try and push for answers that he was not going to give.

“That’s all right,” Danny assured him. “So, have you got any advice for a new agent?”

Tony thought for a moment. Normally, he would have filled the young agent’s head with typical probie horror tales, but he found himself unable to muster any of his usual fervor for story telling and exaggeration. “Just make sure that you find someone who’ll watch your six,” were the only words that he could think to utter.

“Like Agent Gibbs watches yours?”

The kid obvious had a serious case of hero worship for the ex-Marine. Hell, he did too, or at least he used to. To him, Gibbs was no longer the superhero with supernatural powers that no one dared to challenge. That had changed, long before the shooting that had led to his paralysis. Maybe it had been after Kate had died or after Gibbs had taken his hiatus and spent four months in Mexico, but somewhere a long the way, the superhero had become human and humans made mistakes. Unfortunately being human also made you vulnerable and that’s exactly how Tony felt at the moment; all of his insecurities were trying to rear their ugly heads and he was powerless to stop them.

How was he supposed to answer Agent Watts? Gibbs had always had his back; had that changed with the shooting? The team leader was like a father to him; but what kind of father puts the need of a stranger over the welfare of his own team? Was he blaming Gibbs? Was he blaming the Carpenters? The blame was supposed to lie with the kidnappers, and that’s were he was going to have make sure that it stayed.

“Agent DiNozzo?” Danny called out to him.

Shaken from his reverie, he said, “Call me Tony.”

“All right, Tony,” Watts conceded. “So, you said to find someone who’ll watch my back.”

“Yeah. You’ll live longer that way.”

“You’re lucky to have Agent Gibbs to do that for you.”

“I guess so.”

“I mean he’s the best agent around and it’s got to be…”

Uncomfortable with the turn that the conversation was taking, Tony cleared his throat and inquired about his drink. “Danny, how about that water?”

“Oh, right. I’m sorry. I’ll be right back.”

He breathed a sigh of relief when the junior agent left. There was a slight commotion outside his door and he could hear the voices of Gibbs, the Director, and Agent Watts, who voice seemed to go up two octaves. It sounded like all hell was about to break loose outside his door and he wanted no part of it.

Tony had other things on his mind. He had to figure out how he was going to handle this situation and how he was going to face life in a wheelchair. Tony usually didn’t feel sorry for himself; he had learned throughout his life that self pity was a waste of time, but right now, he wasn’t sure if it was pity or self loathing that he was experiencing. Whatever it was, it was starting to eat at him like a cancer and Tony wasn’t sure how to stop it.

The last person that Leroy Jethro Gibbs wanted to see was Director Jenny Shepard. Of course, judging by the angered expression she was now wearing, she wasn’t happy to see him either. Her green eyes were hard and cold; temporarily void of any hint that they had once been lovers. The old adage that if looks could kill rang true; truthfully, he would probably already be six feet under.

He took a sip of his coffee as he spared another fleeting look towards Tony’s room. The team leader was not looking forward to the conversation he was about to have, knowing that every second he spent arguing with Jenny, was taking away from the time he could spend with DiNozzo. He knew from experience that the longer Tony was left alone, the more time he had to build up the walls around his emotions.

Gibbs turned to face Jenny, his annoyance at the fiery red head evident in his own piercing gaze. “Something I can do for you, Director?” he asked, his voice tight and controlled.

“You can answer my question,” she coolly replied.

“And what question was that?”

“What are you doing here?” the Director emphatically repeated.

“I was talking to Tony’s doctor.”

That wasn’t a complete lie. He had been talking with Dr. Winesett about Tony’s future; he didn’t dare mention that he had already been to see Tony in hopes that he could convince the young man that he was not blame for what happened during the shooting. Gibbs refused to let DiNozzo accept the blame for something that wasn’t his fault.

“And you expect me to believe that?” Jenny shot back.

“Believe what you want, Jen.”

“I know you, Jethro. I also know that more than likely you’ve already been to see Tony and I know that you were without your escorts. I assumed that when I allowed you to see Agent DiNozzo that you understood that you could not be left alone with him until after Internal Affairs interviewed him. I try and accommodate you and you repay my leniency by going behind my back.”

The ex-Marine glared at the Director. “I wouldn’t have to go behind your back if you would just come to your senses!”

“I’m not the one disobeying a direct order,” she reasoned.

Gibbs grabbed her arm and escorted her away from Tony’s door, not wanting to take the chance that DiNozzo would overhear their conversation. Jenny pulled free of his grasp, her irritation with him fueling her rage.

“What is it that you’re trying to do, Jethro?” Jenny demanded to know. “You’re taking a huge chance on throwing away your career! If IA discovers that you’ve been here before…”

“Who’s going to tell them, Jen? I need to be here and you know it. I’ve got to be here for Tony.”

“To ease your guilty conscience?” she challenged.

He clenched his jaw, struggling to keep his own mask from slipping. There was no doubt in his mind that guilt was consuming him, but he could not let it motivate him. Tony was like a son to him and he wanted to believe that he was doing what a father should do. “No, Jen,” he finally answered. “I’m doing it because…” He paused and blew out a frustrated breath.

“Because why?”

“Because if our situations were reversed, DiNozzo would be doing the same thing for me.”

“Jethro, I know that DiNozzo means a great deal to you and you think that your presence is necessary for his recovery and that may be; but until the IA team talks to Tony, you can not see him without proper supervision,” she insisted.

“So supervise me!” he growled as he turned to head towards Tony’s room.

It only took three strides before he was outside Tony’s door. The team leader purposefully ignored the Director’s protest, tired of hearing all the reasons that he should stay away from his senior field agent. He would not abandon DiNozzo to face his future alone, even if he had to go against the Director of NCIS.

“Agent Gibbs!” she called out.

Gibbs whirled around, silencing her with his icy stare. “Don’t,” he warned. “Just don’t.”

Before Jenny had an opportunity to respond, the team leader and the Director were nearly bowled over by Agent Danny Watts. Startled, the young man dropped the cup that he had been carrying and watched in horror as it landed at the feet of the former Marine.

“Agent Gibbs,” Danny stammered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s all right, Agent Watts,” Gibbs assured him. “At least it wasn’t full.”

Danny picked the cup up off the floor. “I wasn’t watching where I was going and I’m sorry.”

“So I guess you’ve learned two lessons from this experience.”

“Sir?”

“Make that three lessons you’ve learned,” Gibbs corrected. “One. Always be aware of your surroundings. Two. Don’t apologize, it’s a sign of weakness, and three, don’t call me sir; I work for a living.”

“That’s what Agent DiNozzo just said. He told me not to call him sir either,” Danny recalled.

After he and Tony had met, it hadn’t taken long for DiNozzo to learn about his aversion to being called ‘sir’. Sometimes Gibbs found himself longing for the days that his team consisted of himself and Tony; life was much simpler back then.

“So, how is Agent DiNozzo?” he asked, forcing himself back to the present.

“He’s all right. He accidentally knocked his water off and I was just getting him some more,” Watts hastily explained.

Gibbs watched with amusement as Danny realized that he had failed to address the Director. He didn’t bother to hide his smile as the agent once again, began to apologize profusely. Jenny could be very a very commanding presence, but the former Marine had shared too much history with the woman standing beside him to be intimidated by her.

“I’m sorry, Director Shepard,” the young man apologized. “I didn’t see you there. I mean…”

“Don’t worry, Agent Watts,” Gibbs chimed in. “Her bark is worse than her bite.”

“It’s quite all right, Agent Watts,” Jenny answered, ignoring Gibbs’ barb. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Danny eagerly replied.

“Has Agent Gibbs been in to see Agent DiNozzo?”

The team leader gave a slight nod to the agent, silently granting him permission to tell her the truth. He didn’t want to get Danny into trouble and he could deal with Jenny’s wrath; he had no intention of ruining the agent’s career before it barely got started.

Gibbs managed to hide his surprise when Danny replied. “Not to my knowledge, ma’am.”

“What do you mean, not to your knowledge, Agent Watts?” she wanted to know. “Did you leave your post at any time?”

“No ma’am.”

“Yet, you don’t know if Agent Gibbs…”

“Quit harassing the kid, Jen,” Gibbs said. “He doesn’t know you well enough to lie to you. Now, I’m going in to see Tony.”

Gibbs walked into the room, Jenny following close behind him, leaving a confused junior agent standing out in the hallway. Tony was awake, his eyes riveted to the ceiling, apparently lost in his thoughts. The team leader moved to DiNozzo’s side and quietly called out his name. “Tony?”

Tony sighed. “Hey, Boss.”

“How ya doin’?”

“I’m okay.”

Gibbs easily realized that Tony was already hiding behind the mask he wore when he wanted to convince everyone that all was right with his world. The team leader wondered how long it would take him before he could convince Tony to lower it once again.

“You need anything?”

Tony’s eyes met his own concerned gaze. Gibbs could see in the younger man’s expressive orbs that he was literally screaming on the inside, but what came out of Tony’s mouth, was an almost inaudible, “No.”

“Agent Watts will be back in a few minutes with your water,” Gibbs stated in an effort to keep the awkwardness from consuming them.

“Nice kid,” Tony mumbled.

“Yeah.”

He desperately wished that Tony wouldn’t keep his feelings locked away. Gibbs knew that despite outward appearances, that DiNozzo was barely holding it together; he was wearing the same lost expression that he had worn after he had chosen to give up the relationship he had with Jeanne. Tony was trying to be stoic, but inside, he was crying out for someone to wake him up from this nightmare.

Gibbs sat down in the chair and leaned forward slightly. It was the posture that he assumed sometimes when he had to talk to children; non-threatening and non-assuming. He saw Tony acknowledge the Director with a nod; she took that as her cue to address the injured agent.

“Agent DiNozzo,” she greeted. “How are you feeling?”

The team leader saw Tony visibly bristle at her inquiry. There was still a lot of tension between Jenny and Tony after the undercover operation to capture La Grenouille had been blown all to hell; she had used his agent without considering the consequences to him, both personally and professionally. His confidence had been shattered and although he managed to disguise this fact from his other friends, Gibbs had seen first hand the scars that Tony still bore.

He could tell that Tony was trying to bite back the sharp retort that wanted to come out of his mouth; sometimes he was amazed at the senior agent’s restraint. There had been many times over the years when DiNozzo had managed to hold his tongue, especially when he had incurred Gibbs’ wrath. He wondered if Ziva and McGee how many times that they had been spared from his rage because DiNozzo had been the one to step in and absorb the team leader’s frustration that sometimes occurred when they were working a case.

Tony cleared his throat. “I’m fine, Director,” the agent declared. “Can’t fell a thing below the waist, but what do you expect?”

As much as he hated to admit it, that comment had cut Gibbs to his soul. He knew that Tony was intentionally trying to shock the Director with his venomous words, but his own guilt over the situation came flooding back with Tony’s proclamation.

“I’m sure that everything will work out, Tony,” Jenny attempted to reason.

Tony’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “You’re probably right, Director. It usually does.”

Sensing Tony’s growing agitation, he placed his hand on the young man’s forearm and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Take it easy, Tony,” he gently urged.

“I’m just not in the mood for a lot of company.”

“I know, but right now, she’s acting as my baby sitter.” He glanced up at the Director. “But maybe she can wait just outside the door.”

Jenny moved to stand in the door frame, pulling the curtain behind her. Gibbs was genuinely surprised at her response to his thinly veiled request. After their earlier conversation, he had expected her to remain undeterred in her declaration that the former Marine could not be alone with Tony; but she had managed to give the senior agent the privacy that he had craved while remaining in earshot so that she could monitor his and DiNozzo’s discussion.

“Thanks, Boss,” Tony mumbled.

“You’re welcome.”

Tony pulled his arm free of the team leader’s grasp, an action that didn’t go unnoticed by the older man. Perhaps Tony was finally showing some of his true feelings about the shooting. Was he finally placing the blame for his condition where it should have been placed from the beginning? Was Tony accepting the fact that Gibbs’ carelessness was the reason that he could no longer walk? There were so many questions racing through his mind, questions that he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer to.

“Something wrong?” DiNozzo asked.

“No. Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“About what happened.”

“Gibbs, let’s not get into this again,” Tony pleaded. “It’s over. There’s nothing you can do to change what happened. Forgive and forget and all that good stuff.”

“Can you?”

“Can I what?”

“Forgive and forget.”

“I already told you I forgave you,” DiNozzo reminded him, struggling to keep his voice even.

“I know what you said, but…”

“Then why are we having this discussion again?” Tony raked his good hand through his hair.

Gibbs sensed DiNozzo’s desperation as he fought with his demons. The team leader quickly decided that he would let Tony set the tone for their conversation for now, giving the dark-haired man the opportunity to gain back some of the control that Tony needed to have.

“So, where’d you go after I went to sleep?” he finally inquired, purposefully changing the subject.

“Dr. Winesett wanted to talk to me,” Gibbs answered.

“About what?”

Gibbs licked his lips. Tony wasn’t probably going to be happy to learn that they had been discussing his future without him. “If you’re still doing well, in the next day or two, he wants to send you to a rehab facility.”

He saw Tony’s mask slip as uncertainty clouded his features. “A rehab center?”

“Yeah.”

“Where at?”

“Here in D.C.,” he replied. “The doctor’s going to bring you a packet he put together. It sounds like a good place. They’ll be able to teach you everything you need to know.”

“Everything I need to know,” Tony mumbled under his breath.

“I’m sure that Dr. Winesett will go over it in more detail with you. I think it sounds like a good idea.”

“You would.”

Gibbs’ eyes narrowed. Tony’s mask was firmly back in place. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Tony shook his head. “Nothing. Just the drugs talking, Boss.”

“I don’t think so, DiNozzo.”

“Think whatever you’d like.”

“Tony, I…”

“Gibbs, please. I just need a little time to get used to the idea that I’m never going to walk again. Once I get it through my head, I’ll be back to my old annoying, cheerful, hyperactive self,” Tony promised. “I just need some time.”

“Take all the time in the world, but I don’t want you holding everything in,” the team leader warned. “You’re going to have a lot to deal with and if…”

“I’m an expert with dealing with the unexpected.” Tony permitted a tiny smile to escape. “I learned from the best. Remember?”

Gibbs couldn’t bring himself to answer. He watched in silence as Tony lay his head back against his pillow. “You know, Gibbs,” Tony began. “I was lying here thinking about some things.”

“Like what?”

“I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to probably going to have to find a new place to live. I know I’ve got an elevator, but half the time it doesn’t work. I can’t exactly throw my wheelchair on my back and carry it up the stairs, can I? But then if I move, there’ll be no one to look in on Mrs. Kiser and make sure that she’s all right; she sometimes forgets to take her medicine and her stupid cat is always under her feet, making her fall.

“I was also thinking about how I was going to have to move my desk in order to get behind it with a wheelchair. Do you think that maybe we could rearrange the bullpen somehow? Hey, I’ll always be ready for a campfire,” Tony said as an afterthought.

“Then I realized that it was stupid for me to even consider rearranging the office, because more than likely, I’m not going to be a field agent any longer, once personnel figures out what happened. So you should probably go ahead and promote McGee and hire that Agent Watts as your new probie.” Tony laughed to himself. “He’s definitely wants to work for you; Watts has got you on a pretty high pedestal.”

Gibbs reached up and tapped Tony on the top of the head. “I’ve got a senior field agent,” he growled, “and when he comes back to work, he can move the desks any way he damn well wants to! Got it?”

Tony nodded. “Got it, Boss. But still you might want to reconsider…”

“DiNozzo, I’m not considering any other possibilities except for you returning to your spot on my team. You’ve earned it and until the day you don’t want it anymore, it’s going to be yours.”

“We’ll see,” Tony replied, doubt etched in his features.

“DiNozzo, you will be back. Now, you can…”

The curtain was pulled back, causing the two men to look up as Dr. Winesett entered the room. “I’m glad I caught you awake,” Bill said.

“Doc,” Tony greeted.

“I guess Agent Gibbs has talked to you about the rehab center?” Winesett surmised.

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’m here to fill in the blanks, if you’re up to listening.”

“Might as well.”

“All right,” the doctor conceded. “Let me check you over and then we’ll talk.”

Gibbs sat back and watched the doctor, wondering what Tony’s reaction was going to be to what Winesett had to say. He was aware that DiNozzo’s recovery, both physically and mentally, hinged on how he approached his rehabilitation. The team leader hoped that the young man’s tenacity and determination would motivate him, taking precedence over the sense of hopelessness that seemed to be hovering over him at the moment. Gibbs had vowed that he would be with Tony every step of the way, but right now, he wasn’t sure Tony wanted him along for the journey.

Tony stared at the opened brochure in front of him as he half listened to the doctor sing the praises of the National Rehabilitation Hospital, where, according to Dr. Bill Winesett, he would be able to learn how to adapt to life in a wheelchair. The only problem was that Tony didn’t want to have to learn a new way of doing things, as Winesett enthusiastically explained; he wanted to be able to walk out of this hospital and back into the bullpen at NCIS and resume his former life. Apparently, that was not going to happen in the near future.

He refused to look at Gibbs as he patiently listened to Winesett talk about how he would learn to take care of his personal needs and that he would be surprised at how quickly he would fall into a new routine. Tony’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment as the doctor started discussing how the therapists would help him discover the best way for him to manage his bladder and bowel functions; the very thought of having to train himself when to go to the bathroom both horrified him and humiliated him.

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Winesett added, as if reading his mind. “Before long, everything will become second nature to you; you’ll…”

The younger man was glad that Gibbs seemed to be able to sense his obvious discomfort. “Why don’t you move on to something else, Bill?” the team leader suggested.

“Sorry,” the doctor muttered. “As I’ve already said, this is one of the best rehab facilities on the east coast. They will help you get adjusted and…”

“So when do I go?” Tony blurted out, purposefully interrupting the doctor. He was through listening to what Dr. Winesett had to say; the decision had already been made for him and so there was no further need for the physician to waste any more of his time trying to convince him how wonderful life in a wheelchair could be.

“If everything looks good, day after tomorrow,” Winesett replied.

“Kind of quick. Maybe I don’t want to go.”

Tony knew that he was on the borderline of being rude, but at the moment, he truly did not care. He was still getting use to the idea of not being able to use his legs and now he was going to have to deal with the more humiliating aspects of his disability; something that he was not sure he was ready to do. Picking up the brochure with his good hand he studied it so he wouldn’t have to watch the silent exchange now taking place between Gibbs and Dr. Winesett.

His hand began to shake as he continued to read. That familiar knot in his stomach began to tighten as a feeling of nausea threatened to overwhelm him. He felt a calloused hand on his shoulder. Looking up, he met the concerned gaze of the team leader. “You okay, DiNozzo?” Gibbs quietly asked.

Ignoring the former Marine, Tony glared at the doctor. “They can even help with fertility problems? Something you’re not telling me, Doc?” he challenged.

“I assumed that you realized that having intercourse will be difficult, if not virtually impossible.”

“You’re saying that I won’t be able to have sex?” he finished, not bothering to hide the anger that was beginning to course through him. This was definitely the so called straw that broke the camel’s back.

“Due to the severity of your injury, it will be hard for you to maintain an…”

“Don’t even say it,” Tony growled. “I can’t believe this.”

“You shouldn’t limit your options,” the physician warned. “Especially if you want children in the future.

“Children?” Tony clenched his jaw tightly. “I just found out I can’t have sex and you think I’m thinking about having children; one problem at a time, Doc.”

“I just said to keep an open mind. Once the shock wears off, you’ll see that it’s not as bad and hopeless as it seems.”

“Really?” No longer able to contain the turmoil churning inside him, the dam that had been holding back the raging rivers of his emotions finally burst from the pressure that had been building the past couple of days.

“I wake up after accidently being shot by my Boss to learn that I’m never going to walk again and that I’ll be spending the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Then I get told that I’m going to a rehab center so I can learn how to do simple every day things such as get out of bed, pull up my pants, and take a piss or a crap. Let’s not forget to mention that it will be virtually impossible for me to enjoy one of my favorite past times and I’m not talking about watching ‘Magnum’ marathons! Of course, not that my dating life has been that great ever since…” Tony closed his eyes as memories of his time with Jeanne came flooding back. Blowing out a frustrated breath, he continued. “But still, it was nice to know that I could if I wanted to. Now, what’s the use?”

He raked his hand through his hair. “But hey, let’s look at the bright side. I’ll be able to do wheelies and I’ll always win in musical chairs! Not much call for that as a federal agent.” Tony laid his head back on the pillow, refusing to meet what he deemed to be Winesett’s pitying gaze. “Forgive me if right now, I’m finding it hard to, how did you put it? Keep an open mind? Screw you and your silver lining in every cloud attitude; I can’t handle it right now.”

The doctor nodded as he handed the rest of the pamphlets to Gibbs. “Take some time and think about everything,” Winesett urged. “It may not seem like it now, but you can have your life back if you want it. It’s not going to be easy, but you know that. I know you’re a fighter, Agent DiNozzo; you’re just going…”

“I said not now,” Tony repeated. His teeth were clenched so tightly that he thought his back molars would shatter from the pressure. How many ways did he have to spell it out for the physician? Tony was tired of everyone telling him that everything was going to be all right; as far as he was concerned, they were simply trying to reassure him by feeding him continuous lies. When was it going to end? When were they going to accept that he was never going to walk again? When was he going to accept he fact that he was never going to walk again?

It wasn’t fair! He was doing his job and ending up paralyzed was his reward for a job well done. The more he learned about the problems that he could possibly face as life as a paraplegic, the more livid he grew. He crumpled the brochure and threw it in the floor. “Leave now.”

“All right,” Bill conceded. “I’ll be back to check on you later.”

“I’m not going anywhere; at least for a day or so.”

He closed his eyes and laid his head back against the pillow. He easily sensed the nonverbal conversation taking place between Gibbs and Winesett; it didn’t take a PhD to figure out that they were making plans to meet later and discuss his outburst. Tony tiredly sighed, struggling to calm his frazzled nerves.

“You okay?”

Tony raised his head at the sound of the team leader’s voice. He watched as Gibbs laid down the brochures on the table and sat down on the edge of the bed. The young man could see the river of emotions flowing in the team leader’s blue orbs; anger, guilt, disbelief, uncertainty, were all manifested in his eyes. “I’m fine,” came the familiar reply.

“Really?” Gibbs pressed.

“Yeah.”

“Seems to me that if you were fine, you wouldn’t have been so rude to the doctor.

He knew Gibbs was purposefully baiting him in fear that he might hide behind that infamous mask that he always wore; he wondered if the older man realized that the mask had just shattered into a thousand pieces. “Rude? Just thought I was expressing my feelings. Isn’t that what everybody’s been after me to do?”

“Yeah, but usually you’re a little more tactful.”

Tony chuckled. “Tactful? Me? A lot of people wouldn’t agree with you on that one, Boss.”

Gibbs expression remained serious. “You know what I mean, DiNozzo.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “I know what you mean.”

“I want to see you get your life back,” Gibbs continued. “I know your upset and you have every right to be. I’m not sure that I could handle all this as well as you have, but if I were you, I’d give this place a chance. I believe they can help you.”

Tony’s eyes narrowed. “But you’re not me, are you? You’re not the one laying here with a half severed spinal cord; you’re not the one who can’t even tell when you have to take a piss; you’re not the one who has to figure out what the hell he’s going to do the rest of his life and you’re definitely not the one that needs to be telling me what I should and should not do!”

“Someone’s going to have to,” Gibbs reasoned. “Or else, the only thing you’re going to accomplish is sitting on your ass all day as the world passes you by.”

“But at least it’s my choice,” Tony countered.

“Yeah, it’s your choice DiNozzo; but you damn well better make sure that it’s a good choice. You’ve lost a part of your life that you can’t reclaim, but that’s no reason to close the door on your future.”

He began to massage his temples in an effort to alleviate the dull ache that had taken up permanent residence in his head. “And you think that this National Rehab place is the door to the future?”

“Maybe. It certainly couldn’t hurt to try it out,” the former Marine pointed out.

Tony stared at the blanket, hoping that Gibbs would simply leave him alone. His confrontation with the doctor had left him exhausted and in a less than desirable frame of mind. He knew that if he and Gibbs continued down the path that they were on, that the team leader would be the next victim of his wrath. “I’m tired, Gibbs,” he said, an icy undertone evident in his voice.

“I’m sure you are, but we need to talk about what’s going on inside your head. Let’s deal with it now so we can…”

“What? So we can put this all behind us and move on? Is that what you were going to say, Boss?”

Gibbs leaned forward slightly, his hard stare penetrating his crumbling walls. “You got something to say to me? Go ahead and get it out of your system.”

He looked away, trying to resist the urge to tear into the team leader. If Gibbs would simply leave him alone, he would be able to sort out his thoughts and feelings, regaining control of his wayward emotions. But as always, the ex-Marine pushed harder. But this time, Tony was prepared to push back.

“Fine,” he barked, meeting Gibbs’ steely gaze. “Are you sure you really want to hear what I have to say?”

“You can’t keep it bottled up forever.”

“It’s worked so far.”

“What do you mean?”

Tony swallowed hard. “Nothing.” He wasn’t prepared to unleash seven years of pent up anger; two days worth would be sufficient enough to make his point.

“Tony, you need…”

“There you go again, telling me what I need! What I need is for you to back off until I get my head around what happened! You shot me and although my head knows it was accidental, I can’t help but wonder if once again, you let your obsession get in the way of doing your job.”

Now that the venomous words had started flowing, Tony found himself unable to quell the urge to use his words as a weapon. “Once again, someone else pays the price for your inability to trust your team enough to help you! We were all working this case, but yet you took off with it and never looked back.”

Tony pushed back the blanket that covered his motionless legs. “And this is the result.”

He hated himself for taking pleasure in seeing the team leader’s face pale as he stared at Tony’s legs. Guilt began to replace his rage as he caught a glimpse of the sorrow that Gibbs now wore. Tony knew he couldn’t take back what he had said, nor did he want to; he had meant every word, but his delivery had left a lot to be desired.

Reaching down, he pulled the blanket up to his waist. Tony silently admonished himself for being so angry with the one man who had believed in him no matter what the circumstances. Gibbs had been like a father to him and he had just thrown it all away because he had allowed the mask to slip.

“I’m sorry,” Tony apologized. “I shouldn’t have…”

“You have every right to feel the way you do, Tony. You’re right. I lost sight of what was truly important. I…I let the team down and more importantly, I let you down.”

It had been a long time since he had seen Gibbs speechless. He had not been prepared for what was as close to an apology that he had ever received from the team leader, but right now, Tony wasn’t sure if it was enough.

“I’m kind of tired, Gibbs.”

“Tony, I…”

“Gibbs, not now,” he warned. “Please.”

“All right. Just give this rehab center some thought.”

Tony shrugged. “Maybe.”

The former Marine never got a chance to reply before Jenny Shepard entered the room once again. Tony closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to face her; he had forgotten that she had been outside the door listening to his tirade.

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” she said. “Jethro. You need to leave; the investigators will be here in a little while to talk to Tony.”

“They’re supposed to interview Ziva first thing this morning,” Gibbs informed her.

“They rescheduled her interview once they found out that Agent DiNozzo was awake and well enough to answer questions.”

Tony heard Gibbs mutter a curse under his breath, but refused to open his eyes. He felt the team leader gently squeeze his good shoulder. “I’ll be back later, DiNozzo. Take care of yourself. Call me if you need anything,” Gibbs instructed.

He refused to acknowledge the team leader or the Director and it wasn’t until he heard his door shut, did he open his eyes and clumsily wipe away the tears that threatened to fall. He pushed down the covers once again and stared at his legs. “Useless,” Tony whispered. “What am I going to do?”

Tony tried to sit up, but his effort was in vain as he collapsed back against the bed. Before he could try a second time, a knock at his door interrupted his attempt. “What?” he growled at his unexpected visitor, silently praying that it wasn’t Gibbs or Winesett.

“Hey Tony, can I come in?”

A tiny smile escaped Tony’s lips. It was Palmer. During Gibbs’ unexpected hiatus, he and Palmer had cultivated a friendship reminiscent of Gibbs and Ducky. Palmer was someone that he could talk to and accepted him for who he was. So many people were always trying to make him be something he wasn’t, but Jimmy Palmer accepted his friendship unconditionally.

“Come on in, Jimmy. It’s good to see a friendly face.”

Gibbs watched as Jimmy Palmer entered Tony’s room, his usual steely gaze was softened by sadness and regret. He wanted nothing more than to stay by DiNozzo’s side until they had resolved the tension that had taken up residence between them, but unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to be. Today had been the first time that Tony had dared to exhibit any other emotions beside complacency over the shooting and the team leader felt that so much had been left unsaid between them.

“Are you coming, Jethro?”

He visibly bristled at the sound of Jenny Shepard’s voice. Despite the fact that she had permitted him to see Tony, Gibbs could not hide his irritation with his former lover. He headed down the corridor to the elevator, purposefully ignoring the Director as she called out to him.

“Jethro, I know you’re angry with me for making you leave; but if Internal Affairs had caught you in Tony’s room, then we would both be in a lot of trouble,” she pointed out.

“It doesn’t matter,” he growled. “DiNozzo needs me and…”

“It sounded like to me that Tony needed some space; he was obviously feeling overwhelmed.”

“Of course he’s overwhelmed, Jen! He’s never going to walk again! How do you expect him to feel?”

He could feel her glare bore through his soul, but he refused to look at her. Gibbs knew that he had a tenuous hold on his temper and that he could lose his grasp at any moment. The team leader truly didn’t have the energy to argue with her, but he knew from experience that this conversation was far from over.

The former Marine was thankful that the elevator doors opened, providing him an all too brief respite from what was sure to quickly develop into a heated discussion. The silence between them was almost deafening, but Gibbs welcomed it. As far as he was concerned, he didn’t care if they spoke the rest of the week; however, that arrangement was not going to suit Director Jenny Shepard.

“Jethro, I know that it may not seem like it now, but Tony is going to fine,” Jenny stated with confidence.

He reached out and hit the emergency stop switch. Turning to face Jenny, he didn’t bother to hide the disbelief at her obvious ignorance. “Do you really believe that Jen? Have you got some kind of crystal ball that you can look through and tell the future with? DiNozzo is far from fine and right now, I can’t do a damn thing to help him.”

Gibbs continued to glare at her as she reached around him and restarted the elevator. “This isn’t your personal office and no I don’t have a crystal ball. I do know Agent DiNozzo well enough to know that given time, he will adjust to his new life.”

“He shouldn’t have to adjust to anything!” he barked. “He should be sitting in the bull pen correcting Ziva’s English, thinking up new names for McGee, and shooting baskets with wads of paper!”

“But he’s not.”

He blew out a pent up breath. “No, he’s not. He’s lying in a bed wondering if he even has a life that’s worth living! He’s angry and he’s scared and so far, there’s nothing that I’ve been able to say or do that seems to matter.”

“I understand you feel helpless,” Jenny attempted to reason. “But you’re going to have to wait until Tony’s ready to accept your help.”

Gibbs hit the emergency stop button once again, bringing the elevator to a sudden halt. “Do you honestly think that’s going to happen, Jen?” he seethed. “I’m the one who shot him! I’m the reason he’s going to be in a wheelchair the rest of his life.”

“That’s very true,” she agreed. “However, dwelling on something that you can’t change is not going to help you or Tony.”

He hated it when she was right. Gibbs knew that in order to move forward, he had to let go of the past. His anger began to dissipate as Jenny restarted the elevator again. The team leader knew he had a lot to think about and there was only one place that he would be able to find the solitude that he so desperately craved. He silently willed the elevator to move faster so he could go home and work on his boat. Working with his hands always provided him with the peacefulness that he seemed to need whenever his emotions were as frayed as they were now.

“Tell me one thing, Jen.”

“What?”

“Is DiNozzo going to be able to keep his job?” he wearily inquired.

“Let’s not cross that bridge until we get there.”

“Meaning what?” Gibbs pressed.

“Meaning that we’ll just have to wait and see what happens. Right now, I’ve put him on extended leave and that should carry him a good while, considering all the time he has banked. We’ll just have to wait and see what kind of job he will qualify for.”

“He’s already qualified for one,” the team leader reminded her. “He’s still my senior field agent.”

“Jethro…”

Not wanting to hear Jenny’s rationalizations about Tony still being listed as a field agent, as soon as the elevator doors opened, Gibbs quickly disappeared into the parking garage. As he opened the door to his car and slid in the seat, he realized that he had never felt so old in his life. Much had happened these past couple of days, aging him beyond his years. He felt ancient and useless and he didn’t cherish those feelings.

He laid his head against the steering wheel, trying to muster the strength and the desire to turn on the ignition. Right now, he couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and he was fast becoming terrified of the darkness that seemed to surround him. He was trying to pull himself out of this abyss that he had somehow fallen into, but some times the weight holding him down was too great.

The click of heels coming towards him brought him out of his reverie. He didn’t have to look to know it was Jenny; he recognized that walk anywhere. Sitting up, he started his car and pulled out of his parking place. Waving to her as he sped off towards the exit, he knew that she would more than likely follow him to his house. He tiredly smiled as he decided that today would be the day that he actually locked his door.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



With his good arm, he motioned for Jimmy to come in and sit down. He tiredly smiled and nodded his thanks as Palmer set a gift bag on the table beside him. Their friendship was a mystery to both of them; two men with apparently very little in common had been able to put their differences aside to become close friends. Maybe he and Palmer could do yet another remake of The Odd Couple.

“So what’s in the bag, Jimmy?” Tony asked, trying to peer through the bag as if he had X-ray vision.

“It’s a just a little gift,” Palmer replied. “Just something to help pass the time.”

Tony’s brow arched. “Really? What is it?”

His grin widened as Palmer set it on his lap. Tony began to pull out the tissue paper, digging until he pulled out his present. “A portable DVD player? Palmer, this is too much. Man, you didn’t have to do this.”

“I know, but I know that cable TV in the hospital sometimes doesn’t have the greatest selection of things to watch and I figure that you can just make me a list of the DVD’s you want and I’ll bring them back later tonight.”

“That’d be great. Thanks Jimmy.”

“You’re welcome.”

Tony put the player back in the bag and handed it back to Palmer, who set it back on the table. “So, does Ducky know you’re going to be late for work?”

“I told him last night that I was stopping by to see you. He sends his regards and told me to tell you that he’ll stop by later this afternoon.”

“He doesn’t have to.”

“I’m sure he wants to.”

“Whatever,” Tony sighed.

Confused, Palmer asked, “Don’t you want Dr. Mallard to drop by?”

“Not if I’m going to get another lecture on how wonderful life can be in a wheelchair.”

DiNozzo didn’t miss the look of realization that fluttered across Palmer’s youthful features. “Something wrong, Palmer?”

Jimmy could no longer meet his gaze. “I guess that I didn’t want to believe it.”

“Believe what?” Tony asked.

“That you couldn’t walk again,” Palmer quietly replied. “I heard everybody talking, but I guess I just didn’t want to admit it to myself.”

“Yeah, well I know how you feel.” Tony laid his head back against the pillow and closed his eyes for a moment. “I’m having a hard time accepting it myself. I just keep laying here hoping that it’s nothing more than a bad dream.”

“I’m sorry, Tony.”

“For what? It’s not your fault. It’s…” He caught himself before he could utter Gibbs’ name. Tony didn’t want to blame the team leader, but the anger and frustration building inside of him urged him to hold Gibbs responsible. “It’s nobody’s fault. I was careless and now I have to live with the consequences.”

“I heard what happened, Tony. It wasn’t your fault. Agent Gibbs didn’t even give you time to put on a vest.”

“I should’ve taken the time.”

“Still doesn’t make it your fault, Tony. You were doing what you always do…following Gibbs’ lead,” Palmer reasoned.

“I don’t always follow his lead. We had an argument right before we got the bolo; I should have tried to pull him off the case.”

“What’s done is done, Tony. You can’t change the past. You’ve just got to deal with the future.”

“What future?” he snorted. Tony couldn’t hide the bitterness that he was feeling for having his life completely turned upside down. “Certainly you can’t be talking about my future as an agent? I mean, come on Jimmy, how many field agents are there in wheelchairs?”

“I don’t know, I…”

“Exactly my point,” Tony snapped. “Until I talked to Winesett, I kept holding onto this little hope that kept telling me that maybe I was going to walk again. But then he comes and starts trying to push me into going to this rehab place so I can learn how to get used to life in a wheelchair. He and Gibbs act like it’s going to be so simple to get used to rolling around everywhere! Did I mention that I’ll have to learn new techniques for going to the bathroom? It’s pretty humbling when a man can’t take a piss without help.”

Tony wiped away a tear that was threatening to fall. He was thankful that Jimmy was just sitting there, listening as he vented. He didn’t think he could stand to hear one more false platitude. “You want to know the best part?” he continued, choking back a sob.

“What?” Palmer softly urged.

“This place will even save my sperm for me in case I want to have kids some day. Do you have any idea how degrading that is? I can’t even…”

He noticed Jimmy’s face flushing with embarrassment. “Well, you get the picture.”

“Yeah.”

Tony swallowed hard, his rage tearing through him like a flame. He made a fist with his good hand and began hitting his legs, his desire to feel something, even pain, was consuming him. “Come on! Give me something!” he cried.

Palmer grabbed his hand and shook his head. “No, Tony,” he gently insisted. “Hurting yourself is not going to solve anything.”

“I can’t do this, Palmer,” Tony whispered. “I can’t do this!”

“Yes, you can.”

He shook his head as the tears began to flow freely. “I can’t. I don’t want to live like this. If he was going to shoot me, why couldn’t it have hit my heart?”

Palmer stood up, his expression morphing from concern and worry to disbelief and anger. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

“I can’t help how I feel.”

“I understand that this is hard for you; I can’t even imagine what it’s like having to face the reality of not being able to walk. But you’re here and you’re alive. You’ve got a lot more living to do, Tony. Don’t let this get you down.”

“It already has.”

“Only because you’re letting it.”

“Thank you, Dr. Phil,” Tony mumbled.

“I’m being serious, Tony.”

“So am I.”

“It’s not going to be easy, but if anyone can beat this; it’s you.”

Tony exhaled slowly. What was wrong with him? He seldom cried and here he had been crying like a baby in front of Palmer. His father would have been appalled. “I don’t know,” he moaned.

“I do,” Palmer said.

The confidence his friend was exuding in those two simple words was overwhelming. “One day at a time; right, Palmer?”

“That’s the only way to take it.”

Tony raked his hand through his hair. “Sorry I unloaded all that on you.”

Jimmy squeezed his hand and smiled. “That’s what friends are for. I mean, you’ve done the same for me.”

He returned Palmer’s smile with one of his own. “Who would have thought that a dashing NCIS agent and an autopsy gremlin could be friends?”

“Agent Gibbs and Dr. Mallard.”

Tony involuntarily flinched at the mention of Gibbs’ name. Why couldn’t he let it go? It was an accident. He knew that accidents happened, but this one was costing him dearly. “Yeah.”

“So, what DVD’s do you want me to bring?” Palmer asked, obviously sensing Tony’s discomfort.

He thought for a moment. “Magnum and Airwolf will be a good start.”

“Which seasons?”

“All of them.”

“Okay. You got it.”

Palmer glanced at his watch. “I’ve got to go, but I’ll be back later. Think about what I’ve said.”

“I will.”

As Jimmy started to leave, Tony called out to him. “Hey Palmer?”

“Yeah?”

“Would you go to this place if…if you were me?”

“I don’t know, but I’d at least give it some thought.”

Tony nodded and stared at the door long after Palmer had gone. “Give it some thought.”

He began to drift off, his body demanding the rest that it desperately craved. A knock at the door forced him back to alertness as two men entered his room. He knew these men were from Internal Affairs without waiting for them to introduce themselves. Why did they have to do this now? He was having a difficult time discerning what had happened and now he was going to have to recount it to these men. What he told them would probably either convict or acquit Gibbs and this realization only served to exacerbate the slight headache that had been plaguing him.

Of course, this headache could be blamed on the little voice that continually reminded him that it had been Gibbs who had ruined his life. So far, he had been able to ignore that voice, but now, he had the opportunity to ruin Gibbs’ life. If he couldn’t be an agent any longer, why should Gibbs be allowed to continue in a job he loved? He tried to push that voice out of his head as the two men began to question him, but he wasn’t having much luck.

Gibbs wasn’t sure how long he had driven around the streets of Washington, D.C. before he found himself pulling into a parking space in front of Tony’s apartment building. The team leader had no desire to go to the office and as tempting as it was to exile himself to his basement and bottle of bourbon, he couldn’t bring himself to go home. Instead, he was sitting in his car, sipping on his coffee as his thoughts drifted to his senior field agent.

There was a part of him that wished he was still at the hospital with Tony, providing the emotional support that DiNozzo desperately needed, despite the younger man’s protests. The other part of him was glad to have this time to himself; he had a lot to think about, including his future as an NCIS agent.

His thoughts were interrupted as he observed an elderly woman trying to juggle two bags of groceries in an effort to open the door that led inside the apartment building. Gibbs got out of his car and hurried towards her, barely managing to catch one of the bags before it hit the ground. He smiled at the gray headed, petite woman as he took the other bag as well.

“Let me help you with that, ma’am,” he offered.

“Thank you, dear,” she kindly replied. “I usually don’t have to get my own groceries, much less carry my own bags, but sometimes you do what you have to. I’m sure you know what I mean.”

Gibbs smiled and politely nodded. “Yes ma’am. I do.”

He followed her inside and waited patiently while she checked her mail. Gibbs noticed that her mailbox was next to DiNozzo’s and he couldn’t help but wonder if this was the Mrs. Kiser that Tony was so worried about. He received his answer when he saw her opening Tony’s mailbox and retrieved his mail as well.

“Anthony should be happy; he got his new GSM,” she announced. “I’ll have to see he gets this while he’s in the hospital.”

“Do you know Anthony well?” Gibbs finally asked, confused as to the role this woman played in his senior agent’s life and equally surprised that she knew he was in the hospital.

“Oh yes!” she proudly exclaimed. “He’s been my neighbor for a long time. I don’t know what I would do without him. He’s the one who usually gets my groceries for me; he’s such a sweet boy. Do you know Anthony?”

Gibbs nodded. “Yes ma’am. I’m his…I’m his boss.”

“You’re Agent Gibbs?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Well, Anthony has told me so much about you; it’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Let’s head on up to the apartment and I’ll fix you some coffee and we can chat. You can tell me how Anthony is really doing.”

“All right,” he amicably agreed. “Lead the way.”

“You’ll have to take the stairs, the damn elevator is out of order again.”

“That’ll be fine ma’am. I’ll manage.”

As they started up the stairs, she paused and turned to face him. “Don’t call me ma’am. It makes me feel old. You can call me Edith.”

“Jethro.”

“Leroy Jethro Gibbs. A fine name indeed!” she proclaimed. “I feel like I’ve known you for years.”

Gibbs followed Mrs. Kiser up the stairs, her words echoing in his mind. She felt like she knew him, but until Tony had mentioned her last night, he had never even heard of this woman. Tony had obviously told her all about him and more than likely his coworkers, but he knew nothing of her. DiNozzo was a private person and Gibbs had respected that, but he was quickly discovering that there was another side to Tony. He hoped that by the time that he and Edith Kiser were through talking, he would have a better grasp on the man that he thought of as a son.

After she unlocked her apartment, he entered and placed the bags on the counter. “Do you need any help putting the groceries away?” he asked.

“No. It won’t take me long,” Edith assured him. “I’ll just get the coffee started and get these few things put away and then we can talk. I’m so grateful for the company. Good conversation is one thing that I never seem to lack when Anthony is home; he sure likes to talk.”

“That he does.”

“I don’t mind. Like I said, he keeps this lonely, old woman on her toes. Of course, he’s easy on the eyes too. The ladies at the auxiliary love it when Anthony escorts me to the fundraisers and all those special events. They turn green with envy. Did you know that Anthony and I are the reigning champions of the Golden Hoofers Dance-a-thon? That boy is light on his feet! Have you ever seen him jitterbug?”

Gibbs shook his head, once again amazed at the depth of the younger man. “No, I haven’t.”

“Well, next competition we have, I’ll make sure he invites you. Can you dance?”

“I…uh…”

Edith didn’t give him a chance to answer. “I have this friend, Vera,” she continued. “She needs a new partner. Her old partner, Fred, ended up having hip replacement. I think you’d fit in just fine.”

“I’m not much of a dancer.”

“That’s okay. Vera’s a good teacher.”

The team leader shifted in his seat, grateful that Edith decided to change the subject; he didn’t particularly like the idea of Edith trying to set him up with Vera.

“You have to have one of my chocolate chip cookies,” she insisted. “I just made them this morning.”

Gibbs gratefully accepted the cookie and took a bite, as he watched her make her way around the kitchen. She began to put the rest of her groceries up, her movements both precise and graceful. The team leader was curious as to what Edith Kiser had been like as a young woman; he figured that she had been a handful back then, just as she was now. He respected her spirit and determination, but most of all, he admired her obvious devotion to DiNozzo.

“I’m taking the rest of them to Anthony later on,” Edith said. “My cookies always have always cheered him up.”

“How did you find out that Tony was in the hospital?” he asked.

“Mr. Palmer called me. Do you know him? He’s one of Anthony’s young friends that will come by and check on me when he is working.” She set a cup of coffee down in front of him. “You really shouldn’t work that boy so hard. He’s not had an easy time of it, you know.”

He was all too aware of the fact that DiNozzo had been through a lot in the last several years; unfortunately, he had been the cause of a lot of Tony’s distress, especially the last few weeks. “Mrs. Kiser, I mean Edith,” he quickly corrected. “Do you know why Tony’s in the hospital?”

“All James told me is that Anthony was hurt on the job. Knowing that boy, he probably told Mr. Palmer not to tell me any details; he knows how I worry about him. I figured that when I showed up this afternoon that I would get the whole scoop. Unless, you’re willing to tell me, Jethro.”

Gibbs sighed. He didn’t particularly want to have to walk down this road again, but she deserved to know the truth. “He was shot.”

Mrs. Kiser staggered at the news. “Shot? Well, Mr. Palmer didn’t tell me that. Is he going to be all right?”

He took her by the arm and led her to the nearest chair, uncertain how to answer her query. Tony would live, but it was going to be awhile before he would be able to return to his life. “He was…uh…shot in the back,” the team leader finally managed. “He’s paralyzed from the waist down.”

The expression of disbelief on her face mirrored his feelings. He was still having a difficult time believing that Tony would never walk again.

She wiped a tear from her cheek. “Paralyzed? Oh no! What’s he going to do? Who’s going to take care of him?”

“He’s got a lot of friends who will look out after him.”

Edith patted him on the hand and smiled. “You mean a lot to him. Anthony doesn’t have a very good relationship with his father and he looks to you to fill that void.”

Gibbs didn’t trust himself to speak. Tony was the son that he had never had and now he had probably ruined that relationship forever because of his carelessness. “He’s a good man,” he whispered.

“Do you know that man actually called him last week?” Edith asked.

His eyes narrowed at the revelation. “His father? I didn’t know that. So, what did his dad have to say?”

“Anthony would never tell me. He just told me that worrying about it would make me get wrinkles; he’s always looking out for me. Do you know every Sunday morning, he sets up my pills for the week and then calls me every day to make sure I’ve taken them? Anthony always teased me and said that he told his teammates that he was calling his girlfriend; he has such an incredible sense of humor.”

She wiped away at another tear that threatened to fall. “I don’t know what I’d do without him. He’s brought such joy to my life. Do you think that he’ll be able to come back here? He loves it here or at least that’s what he says; I think that he hangs around here because of me.”

“I don’t know,” he honestly replied. “I’m not sure what he’s going to do.”

Edith sat up and smoothed her skirt with her aged hands. “I tell you what we’re going to do, Jethro. We’re going to go over to Anthony’s apartment and see if we can’t do a little renovating. There are a lot of people in this building who think the world of Anthony DiNozzo and who would want to help him out. So, do you want to go over to his apartment and take a look around?”

Gibbs smiled at the elderly woman. “You have the key?”

“Yep,” she grinned. “But if I didn’t, I know you do.”

“And how do you know that?”

“I know a lot of things, Jethro,” she said, giving him a sly wink.

“Really?” Gibbs was amused by Edith’s harmless flirting; it was easy to see why DiNozzo was so taken with this woman.

“Hang around long enough and you might learn a thing or two.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

He rose from his seat and held out his hand to assist the spirited woman. She brushed off his attempt at chivalry, mumbling something about not being an invalid.

“Are you coming, Jethro?” she impatiently inquired, grabbing her keys as she headed out the door.

The team leader followed her out of her apartment and across the hall, where she was already unlocking the door to Tony’s place. Edith turned on the light and motioned him to join her. “Come on in, Jethro,” she urged.

Gibbs glanced around the apartment, feeling Tony’s presence in every room. He studied the impressive DVD collection conveniently located next to his widescreen TV; everything from John Wayne to James Bond littered the shelf, reinforcing his senior agent’s love for the cinema. The team leader recalled that Tony had confided in him that movies had been his escape from the loneliness of his childhood and Gibbs couldn’t help wonder if DiNozzo still used movies as an escape from reality.

“What do you think, Jethro?”

He turned at the sound of Mrs. Kiser’s voice, silently berating himself for allowing his thoughts to wander. “About what?”

“Do you think we could make some adaptations to his apartment so he’ll be able to still live here?” she asked, a hint of hope sparkling through her crackly voice.

“I think so,” he answered. “Just a few additions should allow him to move about freely. Of course, I’ll have to speak to the superintendent about keeping the elevator in working order.”

A mischievous grin spread across Edith’s face. “I bet he’ll listen to you.”

“I’m sure he will.”

“Well, when do we get started on Project Anthony?” she wanted to know.

Her willingness to help DiNozzo warmed his heart. It was obvious that she was ready to do whatever it took to make sure that Tony was able to continue living life to the fullest. “I guess as soon as possible. First things first though, I have a special mission for you.”

“Do I get a badge and a hat?”

“No, but if you’re successful in your assignment, I’ll see what I can do,” he promised.

“And what is this special mission, Agent Gibbs?”

“When you go and see Tony, encourage him to go for rehab. The doctor has an excellent facility lined up and DiNozzo’s being a bit…”

“Stubborn? Pig headed?”

Gibbs nodded. “Yeah.”

“You leave Anthony to me,” Edith insisted. “You just start figuring out what needs to be done to this apartment so that Tony can come home.”

“Fair enough.”

“Can you give me a ride to the hospital? That way, I don’t have to take Mr. Palmer away from his work,” she explained.

“I’d be honored to.”

“I’ll just get my purse and the cookies and I’ll be right out.”

Gibbs took one final look around Tony’s apartment and then he walked out the door. Making sure that the door was locked, he waited for Mrs. Kiser. Within a couple of minutes, she appeared with her pocket book and a container full of chocolate chip cookies. “Are you ready?”

She weaved her hand through the crook of his arm. “Ready when you are, Jethro. By the way, if you want to speak to the superintendent before we go, I can show you where his office is.”

“Lead the way!”

The two of them walked down the stairs arm in arm. “You know something, Jethro?”

“What’s that, Edith?”

“If you were just a little younger, I’d give you a run for your money,” she teased.

The team leader laughed. There was no doubt in his mind that this woman was exactly what DiNozzo needed. Maybe she could put some of the spark back in his eyes that had been extinguished by his bullets. “I bet you would, Edith; I bet you would.”



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Tony DiNozzo waited patiently for the questioning to begin. Ever since Jerry Carlson and Mark Landry from Internal Affairs had entered his room, he had silently mulled over the possible questions and his likely responses. They were setting up their equipment and getting themselves situated for what appeared to be a lengthy interview. He had considered telling the two men that he was too tired to answer their questions, and that really wouldn’t have been a lie; but truthfully, he wanted to put the shooting behind him and try and figure out what he was going to do the rest of his life.

“Agent DiNozzo?

As he met Carlson’s concerned gaze, he mentally head slapped himself for letting his thoughts escape from the tightly sealed box that he tried to keep them locked in; he couldn’t afford to lose control of his thoughts or his feelings and remain level headed and focused during the interview. Tony could not let his anger control his words as they had threatened to earlier when he had briefly considered holding Gibbs completely accountable for his inability to walk.

“Sorry. You guys were being so chatty, I was having a hard time keeping up with the conversation, so I went to my happy little place for a few minutes,” Tony quipped, hoping that his sad attempt at humor would coverthe fact that he had momentarily become unaware of his surroundings.

“Uh, no problem,” Carlson replied. “We’re ready to get started if you are.”

Tony sighed. “Fire away.”

“You’re name is Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo and you are currently the senior field agent for Lead Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Is that correct?”

“Yes.” Tony didn’t bother adding that he wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to be a field agent since being able to walk was one of the requirements.

“How long have you been with NCIS?”

“Almost 7 years.”

“And you have worked under Agent Gibbs the entire time?”

“Yes.”

“How would you describe your working relationship with Agent Gibbs?”

That was definitely a loaded question. There was so much history between him and Gibbs that it was difficult to come up with a brief description of their working relationship. They knew how to capitalize on each other’s strengths and weaknesses and together, along with the other members of the team, had the highest closure rate in the agency.

“We um…work fine together. If we didn’t, I wouldn’t have stuck around all these years,” he managed to answer.

“Do you think he respects you as an agent?”

Tony paused a brief second before answering. “Yes.”

“Are you positive?”

Tony’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing, Carlson, but I’m not sure how these questions are relevant to the investigation.”

“We’re trying to establish a working history between the two of you just to make sure that there are no underlying issues.”

“Underlying issues?” Tony shook his head. “There aren’t any underlying issues. It was a freakin’ accident.”

Landry cleared his throat. “Just answer the original question, Agent DiNozzo. Are you positive that Agent Gibbs respects you as an agent?”

“Yes,” he said without a second thought.

“Did you feel that he respected you when he handed the team over to you when he left for Mexico?” Carlson inquired.

“Yes. He wouldn’t have left me in charge of the team if there had been any doubts in his mind that I couldn’t handle it.”

“When he returned from Mexico, you were quickly demoted back to senior field agent. How did that make you feel?”

“I was fine with it.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Do you think Agent Gibbs trusts you?”

“Yes.”

“Even after you lied to him about being undercover and…”

“The hell with your underlying issues! Get to the point! You’re supposed to be investigating the shooting, not trying to delve into my inability to separate work from my personal life!” Tony cried out in frustration.

“We’re trying to establish a pattern that may explain Agent Gibbs’ recent behavior and why you were shot by your team leader,” Landry barked.

Tony glared at the two investigators. “I was shot because I stepped in front of him as he fired two shots! End of story!”

“You stepped in front of him?” Landry pressed.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I lost sight of the second perp and I thought Gibbs may need help. I had already been hit and I guess I wasn’t thinking too clearly. The only thing I was worried about was having Gibbs’ six!”

“Did you at any time question his motives on this case? Did he seem more preoccupied with this case than most?”

“I’m not qualified to make that call,” Tony shot back.

“You’ve worked side by side with him for almost seven years. Would you say that Agent Gibbs was on the verge of obsession with the Carpenter case?” Carlson repeated.

“He was doing his job,” he responded through tightly clenched teeth.

“Did you at any time question his judgment on this case?”

Tony didn’t answer. His response could ruin Gibbs’ career, but his sense of loyalty to the team leader prevented him from doing so. The truth was that he should have stayed down and not tried to be the hero; maybe Gibbs had broken rule #10, but so had he, and on more than one occasion.

“My role as senior field agent is to play devil’s advocate which I do with all our cases. I point out the good and the bad of every situation.”

Carlson smiled. “And what was the bad in this situation?”

“My memory is kind of fuzzy on that. I really couldn’t tell you.”

He saw Carlson jot something on his notepad. “Then maybe you can tell me why you weren’t wearing your vest.”

“Because I didn’t put it on.”

“Why not?”

“There wasn’t time,” Tony stated.

“Why not? Couldn’t you have put them on as you were headed to intercept the kidnappers?” the older man pressed.

“They were in the trunk.”

“Did you remind Agent Gibbs that about SOP regarding the vests?”

Tony shrugged, wincing at the sudden movement. “That’s one of those things I don’t remember.”

He sensed Landry and Carlson’s growing irritation with him; maybe he should recommend that they compare notes with his nemesis from the FBI, Agent Sacks.

“Agent DiNozzo,” Carlson began. “Do you realize that we’re just trying to get to the truth and you purposefully stonewalling us? Maybe it would be easier if you just told us what you do remember.”

“We would’ve been done twenty minutes ago if you had just gotten to the point.”

Nonplussed, the agent continued. “Do you remember the shooting?”

“Not likely something I’ll forget,” he growled.

“It’s nice to see that you do remember something,” Landry mumbled.

Tony didn’t miss the daggers that Carlson shot at his younger associate. “You said the shooting was accidental because you inadvertently stepped in Agent Gibbs’ line of fire.”

“That’s right.”

“Was Agent Gibbs aware of the fact that you had already been wounded?”

“I think so.” Tony laid his head back against the pillow. “Nothing gets past Gibbs.”

“Except for the fact that his wounded agent managed to get off the ground unnoticed and walk in front of his weapon as he pulled the trigger,” Landry pointed out.

Tony clenched his jaw. “Are we done?”

“We have a few more questions, Agent DiNozzo.”

He visibly bristled, ignoring the ache in his shoulder. “No, I think we’re done. I’ve told you what happened and its obviously matching up to Gibbs’ story or you wouldn’t be trying so hard to cast the blame. It was an accidental shooting. If you’re going to blame anyone, blame me. I was the idiot who got up off the ground. Is there a reprimand for stupidity? I don’t care what you do to me because my days as a field agent are over!”

Carlson stood up and began to close up his laptop. “If we have any more questions, we’ll come back later, Agent DiNozzo. Thank you for your time.”

Tony glared at Landry as he began to protest, but one look from the older man and the young investigator decided not to push the issue. He watched them leave, allowing himself to relax only when the door had closed.

Despite his earlier intentions, he had managed to defend Gibbs’ actions, and hopefully, there would be no consequences for the team leader. He knew that it was going to be hard enough for the ex-Marine to face him, knowing that his bullets were now a permanent part of his spine; Tony was determined not make things any more difficult for Gibbs, but his decision came with a high price.

Jimmy Palmer entered autopsy, his eyes glancing about the room in search of Dr. Mallard. He breathed a sigh of relief when he realized that the medical examiner was nowhere in sight. The ME’s assistant had stopped by the hospital before coming to work and ended up staying longer than he had intended; of course the morning traffic was horrendous and by the time he had navigated his way through it, he had arrived at work even later than usual. Hanging his jacket up, he began to prepare for the day ahead. Palmer hoped that by busying himself that he could keep his mind off of Tony, but it was no use.

His visit with Tony had left him uneasy. The thought of the normally vibrant agent confined to a wheelchair had been a difficult concept for him to grasp, but after seeing his friend, he understood the harsh reality of Tony’s condition. Anthony DiNozzo was never going to walk again and there were no miracle cures that would give him back the use of his legs.

DiNozzo had shared with him some of the more personal issues that he would be facing; everyday necessities that had once been as natural as breathing would become a time consuming chore. Palmer was concerned that Tony wouldn’t be able to adjust to his new life on his own. He was hopeful that he had managed to convince his friend to go for rehabilitation; the young man knew that it was more than likely going to be the only way that Tony would learn how to adapt and reclaim his life.

“Ah, Mr. Palmer, there you are.”

The soothing cultured tone of Dr. Donald Mallard scattered his thoughts as he greeted the Scotsman.

“Uh, Dr. Mallard,” Jimmy nervously stammered. “I didn’t think you were here.”

“Actually, I’ve been here for a while,” the doctor informed him. “I’ve been chatting with Abigail; she’s very distraught about everything that’s happened. She’s so close to both Jethro and Anthony and she is worried how this tragedy is going to affect our tight knit family. I tried my best to reassure her that it would all work out, but I don’t think I was very successful in my attempt to cheer her up.”

Palmer knew that Abby truly adored Agent Gibbs as a daughter would her father, but her relationship with Tony was unique and he had yet to figure out all the twist and turns of their friendship. The senior field agent and the Goth shamelessly flirted with each other, but the love they shared was reminiscent of a brother and a sister. They were protective of each other and loyal beyond fault and Abby more than likely felt that her loyalties were being divided.

“Maybe I’ll go up and talk to her,” Palmer mused.

“I’d give her a few minutes alone,” the ME suggested.

“All right,” he agreed. “If you think it’s for the best. I’ll check on her a little later.”

“That’s a good idea, Mr. Palmer.” Ducky clapped his hands together. “Well, shall we get started?”

“Of course, Doctor.”

The older man joined him as they prepared to do an autopsy on the second victim from the shooting that Gibbs and Tony had been involved in; the very same incident that changed his friend’s life forever. It was all so senseless. He knew he couldn’t change the past and no amount of wishing was going to make Tony walk again. Jimmy despised the feeling of helplessness that had been constantly plaguing him since leaving the hospital.

“Mr. Palmer?” the ME called out to him. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, Doctor. I was just thinking about…”

“Tony,” Ducky finished.

“Yeah. I went and saw him this morning.”

“That explains your tardiness then.”

“Uh, yes sir. I was just going to drop in and check on him, but I ended up staying longer than I had planned.”

“I’m sure that Anthony appreciated your visit,” the medical examiner stated. “How is he doing?”

Palmer shrugged as he handed the scalpel to the physician. “I’m not sure I can sum it up in one word. He’s angry, frustrated, worried, maybe even scared.”

The doctor took the scalpel and made the first incision. “That’s to be expected. In a sense, Tony is going to have to go through the stages of grief before he can accept what has happened to him. As his friends, we must convince him he does have a future and we must be patient as he struggles to figure out what that future is.”

“When I walked in that room, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I thought maybe he’d be dealing with everything in his usual style…”

Ducky smiled. “You mean by insisting that he’s fine and hiding behind a joke or two?”

“Yeah, and maybe throwing a movie reference or two in for good measure,” Jimmy added. “He’s just so unsure of himself. He’s trying to take the blame for what happened, even though I think part of him still holds Agent Gibbs responsible for the shooting. His doctor wants him to go to this hospital for rehabilitation and I’m not certain that he’s completely sold on the idea. I told him that if it were me, I’d at least give it some thought.”

“Anthony will come around. I’ve seen that boy overcome some insurmountable odds,” the ME recalled. “It’s not in his nature to give up and believe me, there have been several times since I’ve known him that he’s had the opportunity to throw the towel in so to speak and he hasn’t. He’s not a quitter.”

Looking back, he knew that Tony had survived many things both physically and emotionally that would have defeated any other man. Now, he was going to have to overcome yet another obstacle, one that was going to change his life permanently, but Jimmy knew that with the help of his friends, Tony would survive this as well.

“You’re right, Dr. Mallard,” he finally conceded. “He’s not a quitter.”

“How about we go pay him a visit later on this evening? I’ve got a couple of books for him and I’m sure that he would welcome something to eat besides hospital food.”

“I’m sure he would. Maybe we should ask Abby if she’d like to go with us; it might help cheer her up,” Palmer pointed out.

“That’s a splendid idea, Mr. Palmer. Now, can we get back to the task at hand?”

“Of course, Doctor.”

Palmer’s spirits were lifted by the ME’s words of wisdom and encouragement. Not for the first time, he found himself thankful for the opportunity to have such a compassionate mentor, whose heart rivaled the knowledge in his gifted mind. He was looking forward to one day following in Dr. Mallard’s footsteps and serving as the medical examiner for NCIS. Jimmy grinned at the thoughts of him and Tony becoming the next Ducky and Gibbs.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Investigators Mark Landry and Jerry Carlson didn’t speak a word to each other as they made their way out of the hospital. The two men were each lost in their own thoughts, trying to decide what their next step should be. This particular investigation had several unexpected twists and turns including two people taking responsibility for the shooting. Agents Jethro Gibbs and Anthony DiNozzo were obviously cut from the same cloth and neither would dishonor the other by casting blame.

As they neared the car, Carlson unlocked it and got in on the driver’s side. He could almost sense his counterpart’s irritation at not being able to drive once again. The older man waited patiently for Landry to get in the passenger’s seat and fasten his seat belt; Mark knew that he wouldn’t even start the car until the younger man was secure. Satisfied, Jerry put the keys in the ignition but did not start the car.

Turning to his partner, he asked, “What do you think?”

A frustrated sigh escaped Mark’s lips. “I don’t know. The one thing that is constant in both accounts is that DiNozzo stepped in front of Gibbs’ line of fire; I think we can rule the shooting accidental.”

“But what about the obvious negligence? I mean Gibbs obviously ignored standard SOP by not taking time to put the vests on,” Carlson pointed out.

“That’s true,” Landry agreed. “Gibbs has a reputation for doing things his own way and usually things work out for him. This time, his lack of judgment ended up costing his senior field agent his career and almost his life.”

“And Gibbs is going to have to live with that the rest of his life. I think it sounds like a fitting punishment.”

“So do we need to talk with the other members on Gibbs’ team?”

Carlson thought for a moment. “We’ll do it just to cover our butts. They were involved after the fact, so there’s probably not a lot they can tell us. It shouldn’t take long to ask them two or three questions.”

“Then we release our findings,” Landry concluded.

“Yes, the shooting will be ruled as accidental with a recommendation that since Agent DiNozzo, the injured party does not wish to pursue further action, that none be taken.”

“No official reprimand?”

Carlson shook his head. “No. Like I said, Gibbs is going to have to live with this the rest of his life; I think his guilt will be enough of a reprimand.”

“I think you’re getting soft in your old age,” Mark grinned.

“And I think you’re starting to learn a thing or two about investigating. It’s not always so cut and dry, is it?”

Landry reached over and started the engine. “Nope, it’s not. Now, let’s go and wrap this thing up.”

The older man shifted into drive, his own smile matching that of his colleagues. Sometimes this job didn’t suck after all. “You’ve got it, partner.”




XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Tony put down the brochure that he had been reading about the National Rehabilitation Hospital. He couldn’t deny that they had a lot to offer in terms of helping him to learn to live life as a paraplegic, but he wasn’t sure that he was ready to accept the fact that he was one of these statistics that he had just read about. Tony wanted his life back, but he was still confused on how to go about getting it back. Whether or not he wanted to admit it, he still wanted to believe that he was going to be able to walk again; however, with each passing second, those dreams were becoming obsolete.

He laid his head back against his pillow as exhaustion began to claim him. The interview with the investigators from Internal Affairs had taken a lot out of him; that coupled with everything that he was facing left him feeling fatigued and uncertain of his future. Tony wanted to sleep, but forced himself to stay awake; he couldn’t stand waking up to the realization that he had no feeling or movement from his waist down.

The senior agent was becoming adept at fooling the nurses into believing that he was asleep, but he figured that when Gibbs finally was allowed in to see him that the charade would be over. The team leader had always been able to see behind the mask that he wore so efficiently; Tony knew that he was going to have to work harder to keep his walls intact. If he were going to have any semblance of a normal life, he was going to have bury his anger and doubts where no one could see them and hope those emotions stayed hidden.

A gentle knock at the door brought him out of his reverie. Tony was actually grateful for whoever his company was; now he could temporarily escape the deep abyss that his thoughts were banishing him to.

“Come in,” he tiredly called out.

A tired grin spread across his face at the sight of his elderly neighbor Edith Kiser. She was carrying what he figured to be a container of chocolate chip cookies; any time he was sick or hurt, he could always count on a batch of her infamous cookies.

“You do know that I would have made you some cookies without you getting yourself shot, don’t you?” she teased.

“I know, but what can I say? I forgot to duck.”

She leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. “Well, when you get better, I will just have to give you a refresher course on ducking.”

Tony laughed. “Yes ma’am.”

The first time they had met, she had roused him from bed stating that there had been an intruder in her apartment. Tony had gone over, instructing her to stay outside. She hadn’t listened and had entered her darkened apartment, arming herself with a rolling pin, Edith had then proceeded to assault whom she believed to be the burglar, but in fact, had been Tony. When she realized what she had done, Edith apologized profusely, wondering why in all his years as a police officer, he had never learned to duck.

Although there had been no signs of an intruder, Tony had taken it upon himself to look after Edith. He couldn’t help but wonder who was going to take care of her now. Forcing that particular thought to the back of his mind, he opened the container and took out a cookie.

“Still the best around,” he boasted as he savored the first bite.

“Your friend, Agent Gibbs liked them as well.”

Tony stared at her in disbelief. “Gibbs? When uh, when did you see Gibbs?”

“He helped me with my groceries and so I invited him in and we had a wonderful little talk, mainly about you.”

“Why was he there?”

Edith considered the question for a moment. “You know, I didn’t ask him. You can ask him yourself though, he’s right outside.”

Before Tony could reply, Edith had made her way over to the door and motioned for Gibbs to join her. “Now, come on in Jethro! I told you that if anyone had anything to say about you being in here to tell them that you’re with me.”

“I don’t want you to get you in trouble,” Gibbs protested.

“You won’t get me in trouble. I think I can take that little red headed director of yours.” Almost as an afterthought, Edith asked, “She is still the director right?”

“Yes ma’am she is, but…”

“Well, she shouldn’t be but that’s not important right now.”

Tony was actually enjoying the fact that Gibbs was getting bossed around by Edith, whose spunk matched her natural charm, ounce for ounce. “You might as well give it up, Boss,” he added. “She’s pretty persuasive.”

Gibbs walked in the room and the smile faded from Tony’s face. Images of the shooting began to assault his mind. He had to get past this if he was going to move on with his life; he had told himself he had forgiven Gibbs, but forgetting seemed damned near impossible.

Edith allowed the team leader to escort her back to Tony’s bedside, where he had managed to slip his stoic mask back into place.

“Now Jethro, you sit here in this chair and I’m going to sit right here on the edge of Tony’s bed,” she instructed.

The former Marine obliged her, obviously resigned to the knowledge that he had met his match. Tony wondered if he should tell him that Edith used to be a red head. Sensing Gibbs’ discomfort, he decided that bit of information could wait until later.

“So dear, I’m so sorry to hear about your accident.”

“Thank you, but I’ll be fine,” Tony reassured her. “I’ll be back to pestering you to take your pills in no time. By the way, did you take them this morning?”

“Yes I did. Right before I had to go and get my own groceries.”

Tony’s face fell. He always purchased Mrs. Kiser’s groceries for her; just one more thing that he could no longer do.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I should have asked Palmer to…”

“Nonsense! I will manage until you’re back home and then you can resume your duties.”

Tony swallowed hard. “Mrs. Kiser, I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but I was shot in the back. I’m never…I’m never going to be able to walk again.” He had said it and for the first time, the reality sank in, forcing him to accept the fact that his life had taken a dramatic change.

He had read about the physical problems that paraplegics faced and he had ranted about certain aspects that he had found to be utterly humiliating, but now, it was real. This was going to be his life and he either had to accept it and move on or do something that he wasn’t sure he was prepared to do.

“I know all about your injury,” she stated. “That doesn’t change the fact that you’re going to be released from your obligations as far as I’m concerned. Now, Mr. Palmer or the charming Agent Gibbs are more than welcome to fill in for you, but they are only temporary. Have I made myself clear?”

Tony sighed. Gibbs wasn’t the only one who had met his match. He sometimes wondered if Mr. Kiser had ever been able to win an argument in all their years of marriage. “Yes ma’am,” he answered.

She reached over and picked up the pamphlet he had been studying. “Is this the place that the doctor thinks you need to go?”

“Yes ma’am.” He glared at Gibbs as he became aware of the team leader had more than likely put her up to encouraging him to go to rehab.

“Well, when do you leave?”

“I haven’t decided that I’m going.”

“What? Don’t you want to get better?”

“I don’t have to go to this place to get better.”

“But I think it would help you to see others around you facing similar problems; it would help you to remember that you’re not alone.”

Tony shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Anthony DiNozzo, you sound like you’re giving up,” she declared.

“I’m not giving up. I’m just…”

“Feeling sorry for yourself?”

There was nothing in the world like the directness of an obstinate woman who had not allowed circumstances to control her life. Tony knew that she had lost her husband and her children, but had managed to embrace life instead of shun it. Now, here she was urging him to reclaim his life and he was trying to think of every excuse as to why he couldn’t.

“I guess I am,” he admitted.

“Then get off your sorry ass and do something about it,” she urged.

Tony took Edith’s hand and kissed it. “I love you, Mrs. Kiser.”

He smiled when her cheeks flushed a light crimson. “And I love you, Anthony,” Edith replied. “Now, we have six months to the next dance-a-thon and I want you to be ready for it.” She leaned closer so that she could whisper in his ear. “I think that Jethro would be a good partner for Vera, what do you think?”

Tony glanced at Gibbs and then back to Edith. “I don’t know. Vera may be too much for him.”

Edith’s laughter filled the room. “You may be right.” She patted his arm. “Now, I’m going to find you some chocolate milk to wash those cookies down.”

The last thing Tony wanted right now was to be alone with Gibbs but she was gone before he could beg her to stay. There was so much that needed to be said but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to reopen that wound again. The oozing sore of his soul felt like it was held together by a band aid and if he pulled it off, he would never stop bleeding.

“She’s pretty smooth,” Gibbs said, shattering the awkward silence between them.

“Yep. Always has been.”

“You doing okay?”

Tony clenched his jaw. “Yep.”

“I’m not sure I believe you.”

“How else am I supposed to be doing?”

“You tell me.”

Tony’s eyes narrowed as he met the team leader’s inquisitive glare. Gibbs was baiting him, much like he would do whenever he was closing himself off. He couldn’t relinquish control of his feelings; in the past, any demonstration of emotion came with a high price.

He licked his lips. “Gibbs, let it go. It’s hard enough for me to deal with not being able to walk without you breathing down my neck. I don’t blame you; I told IA I don’t blame you. What else do you want from me?”

“I want you to fight with everything you have. There are a lot of people who care about what happens to you and I’ve never known you to give up.”

“This is different.”

“Why? Because you can’t walk?”

Tony clenched his fist. Why was Gibbs trying to push him? Why did everyone seem to think they knew what was best for him? “Yeah, Gibbs,” he snapped. “Because I can’t walk and I will never be able to walk, but I’m going to have to learn to live with it! Can you? Can you accept that I’m not going to be able to do my job any longer? Can you accept what happened and move on? I apparently have no choice, so the ball’s in your court.”

Gibbs tiredly smiled at him, which only seemed to irritate Tony even more. “You’re right. We’re going to have put it behind us and concentrate on the future. But, just so you know; I don’t plan to lose my senior field agent just because he’s in a wheelchair. You’ve got your job when you’re ready to come back.”

He merely nodded. Tony wondered if Gibbs had even discussed this with the Director. He was going to be on extended medical leave and he wasn’t so sure that Jenny Shepard felt the same loyalty to him that Gibbs did. “I hope you’re right,” Tony mumbled.

“You never gave Mrs. Kiser an answer. Are you going to the rehab center?” the team leader wanted to know.

“I guess I have to give it a try at least. I’m not sure I can handle it, but…” Tony wasn’t sure why he was admitting his reluctance to the team leader; he hated showing any kind of weakness in front of Gibbs. The irrational fear stemmed from his childhood; DiNozzos did not show fear. It had taken the lead agent a long time to teach him that a healthy dose of fear kept you sharp. Right now, he was scared and confused, but he had to work through it. He had to face the uncertainty of his future.

“You can do this, Tony. I’ve got faith in you.”

Tony opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by the return of Mrs. Kiser with a glass of chocolate milk in hand. “Here you go, Anthony. It’s got a couple of ice cubes in it, just like you like it.”

He took the glass with his good arm and began to sip on the milk. “Thank you.”

“I almost forgot!” Edith exclaimed.

“What?”

She reached into her purse and pulled out a magazine. “You got your new issue of GSM today. I thought you might enjoy reading the articles during your convalescence.”

“When did you start reading the articles, DiNozzo?” Gibbs quipped.

“I’ve always read the articles, Boss.”

“Uh huh.”

Ignoring the jibe, he turned his attention back to Mrs. Kiser and took the magazine. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, placing a kiss on his forehead. “Now, Jethro, can you take me to back home? I’ve got the bridge club coming over this afternoon and I have to get things ready.”

“Of course.”

Tony smiled at the kind hearted woman. “Thanks for coming by and for the cookies.”

“Next time I visit you, I expect you to be at that rehab center or you and I may have a trip to the woodshed,” she warned.

“Yes ma’am.”

Gibbs rose from his seat and offer his arm to Edith. “I’ll be back later, Tony. We’re not through talking.”

He gave no response but knew that Gibbs more than likely didn’t expect one. The team leader would be back and they would talk, but Tony wasn’t sure what good it would do. What more did Gibbs want from him? In the very least, he could find out why Gibbs had been at his apartment.

After Edith and Gibbs had left him alone, he began to study the cover of the magazine that Mrs. Kiser had brought him. The knot in his stomach began to pull tighter as he quietly read aloud the titles of the main articles. “Ten Ways to Please Your Lover; A New Technique That Will Enhance Your Love Life; Five New Positions That Will Give You The Most Out of Your Sexual Experience.”

Tony closed his eyes. “Damn it,” he whispered to himself.

Glancing at the magazine once again, he blinked back the tears of anger that threatened to fall. His frustration and fear had reached the point where he could no longer contain them. Taking his good hand, he ripped the cover of the magazine. It wasn’t fair. He tore another page and then another. Within a couple of minutes, the magazine lay in shreds on his bed and on the floor as hot tears streamed down his face. He could no longer control the rage that was building up inside of him as he threw back the covers and tried to sit up in bed.

Grateful that the nurse had accidently left his bed rail down the last time she had checked his catheter, he scooted his torso over to the edge, determined to get out of the bed any way possible. He cursed as his lower body refused to cooperate.

“Come on, DiNozzo! Damn sorry son of a bitch! You can do this! Get out of this bed and walk!”

As he started to fall to the floor, he realized the foolishness of his actions. He barely had time to throw his good arm out in order to cushion the impact of his body hitting the floor. Tony ended up on his side, his good arm now cradling his injured shoulder. “God, why?” he cried out. “Do you hate me that much?”

Tony heard his monitors blaring and knew that it would only be matter of time that his room was flooded with medical personnel. He found himself wondering if his gown was properly fastened in the back, judging by the coolness of the air on his back, he doubted it. Tears faded to laughter as he realized that more than likely the first sight that greeted the nurses would be his buttocks. The fact that he could find humor in his current situation only proved to him that he was losing his mind.

The moment of humor that Tony had managed to find in his current predicament quickly faded as pain began to overtake his body. An agonizing fire was emanating from his lower back and quickly spreading up his spine until he thought flames were going to shoot out his skull. He no longer cared about his dignity; Tony simply wanted relief from the unexpected anguish that was now engulfing him. Despite his suffering, he couldn’t help but wonder if the pain he was experiencing was a good sign that he was possibly getting some feeling back in his legs. He attempted to move his left leg, but his efforts were met with futility.

His teeth clamped down on his bottom lip as he struggled against the urge to cry out. Even after all these years, his aversion to showing weakness usually hindered him from seeking assistance when he needed it, but the blinding agony that wrapped around him like a cocoon was causing him to have second thoughts about asking for help. Fortunately for him, the alarms that were blaring weren’t attuned to his pride. Within a few seconds, Tony was surrounded by a myriad of medical personnel including his doctor.

“Take it easy, Agent DiNozzo,” the physician instructed.

“H…hurts,” Tony gasped. “Back hurts.”

As the pain worsened, his ability to remain calm seemed to disappear. Panic was beginning to overwhelm him as he felt his world beginning to spin out of control. He could hear Dr. Winesett barking orders, but his jumbled mind wouldn’t allow him to process everything that he was saying. Tony closed his eyes, unable to handle the commotion around him.

He inhaled sharply as he felt himself being rolled onto a board and subsequently being lifted onto his bed. Tony gritted his teeth, hoping that Winesett would order something to preferably send him into the arms of Morpheus. His clouded brain was attempting to rationalize how someone could be paralyzed but yet experience such debilitating pain.

Grabbing on to the doctor’s arm, he pleaded, “You’ve got…to give me…something for the pain. I…can’t take it.”

The tiny prick he felt in his arm brought a sigh of relief that in a few moments, he would be back in control of his body and his mind. Tony’s breathing began to even out as the pain began to subside. He nodded his thanks to the doctor who, judging by his soured expression, was not pleased with his hair-brained stunt.

“Care to tell me what you were trying to prove?” Dr. Winesett wanted to know.

“I don’t know,” he groaned. “How stupid I can be?”

“Guess you did that,” the doctor snapped.

“It’s not the first time.”

“And it probably won’t be the last time.”

“Probably not,” Tony agreed.


Dr. Winesett sighed. “Once your pain eases up some, I’m going to order another X-ray of your spine.”

The agent swallowed nervously, uncertain if he wanted to hear the answer to his next question. “What for?” he gingerly asked.

“Just to be sure that the fragments haven’t moved. You took a pretty good fall and I just want to be sure that everything is still stabilized,” the physician explained.

“And if it’s not?”

“Then we could have a whole new set of problems.”

Tony clenched his jaw at the doctor’s unexpected declaration. What could possibly be worse than being paralyzed and never being able to walk again? He studied Dr. Winesett’s gaze as realization dawned upon him. “Meaning that the paralysis could end up spreading?”

“It’s a possibility. Hopefully, nothing has changed and we will proceed with our plans to transfer you the rehab hospital. I assume that you’ve decided to go.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I’ll go. I’m not sure how long I’ll stay there, but I’m going.”

“I think you’re going to be surprised at what you can learn. I…”

“I said I would go,” Tony growled. “I really don’t need another pep talk.”

Winesett raised his hands in surrender. “All right, Tony; no more pep talks. Just give it a chance. You stick with the program; you’ll quickly learn that you’ll be able to lead a completely normal life.”

Tony laughed bitterly. “A normal life? Whatever you say, Doc.”

“Tony? I know that it’s going to be a…”

“No more pep talks. Remember?”

“All right,” the doctor conceded. “I’ll be back to talk to you after I’ve seen the X-rays. Take it easy and no more unscheduled trips out of bed.”

He stared at the ceiling, refusing to acknowledge the physician. Tony was tired of everyone trying to tell him that he was going to be able to live a normal life. Why couldn’t someone be honest with him and tell him that his life was never going to be the same again? Now he was faced with the possibility of making his injury worse by not being able to accept his current limitations.

“You never think things through, do you, Tony?” he muttered. “Guess I could blame it on repeated head trauma from all those years of head slaps.”

“Talking to yourself again?”

Tony glanced towards the door and managed a weak smile as he recognized one of his favorite nurses. “Hey, Annie,” he tiredly greeted the petite blond woman.

“So I heard that you’re in such a hurry to get out of here, you kind of forgot that your legs aren’t working,” she quipped.

“Short term memory loss,” he sleepily replied.

Annie picked up his wrist and silently counted his pulse. “Still a little fast.”

He shrugged. “I’ll be all right. The pain meds are starting to kick in.”

“You’ve got orders for some X-rays; it’s probably a good thing you’ve got those meds in your system.”

Tony watched Annie pour him some water, which he gratefully accepted. After quenching his parched throat, he nodded his thanks and handed her the cup back. His cheeks flushed a light crimson as she picked up his GSM magazine that Edith had brought him earlier. “Let me guess,” she teased. “You read it for the articles.”

“Uh…yeah. They have some interesting articles…”

“And pictures?” she added.

“And pictures,” he sheepishly admitted.

“My brother says the same thing.”

“How old is your brother?”

“18.”

“So is he going to college?”

“Actually, he’s going to the police academy,” she proudly stated. “He’s always wanted to be a cop.”

“I was a cop before I came to work for NCIS.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he yawned.

“Tell you what, I’ll come back later and you can tell me all about your days as a cop,” Annie promised. “Right now, there are a couple of guys standing in your doorway who need to take some pictures.”

“It’s a deal.”

Tony half-heartedly waved good-bye to Annie as two technicians entered with a portable X-ray machine. “Agent DiNozzo?” the first tech called out.

“That would be me,” he sighed.

“I’m Phil and this is Mack and we’re your friendly neighborhood radiology techs for the day.”

“Yeah, well. I guess that makes me your photographic subject for the day,” he shot back, hoping that he feebly managed to hide his self-loathing sarcasm.

Phil seemingly ignored his less than snappy comeback as he guided the X-ray machine in the room. Tony couldn’t help but notice that the more Phil spoke, the more pronounced his southern accent became. “Old Doc Winesett didn’t want you to be jostled around too much so we had to bring the X-ray room to you.”

“Convenient.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll be gentle.”

Tony laughed. “I’ve heard that before.”

As Phil and Mack carefully began taking pictures of his spine, Tony found himself hoping that his act of stupidity hadn’t cost him more than just the use of his legs. Tony suddenly found himself saying a quick prayer, hoping that his request would be heard. The fear of becoming totally paralyzed could in fact become a reality that he wasn’t prepared to handle.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Gibbs had safely seen Edith to her door, promising that he would keep her informed of Tony’s progress as well as assuring her that he would take her to see the young man once he was settled in the rehab facility. He couldn’t help but grin when she placed a kiss on his cheek; this lady was quickly earning a special place in his heart. She had managed to create a special bond with his senior field agent and anyone who was worthy of Tony’s friendship was worthy of his.

“You know something, Jethro?”

He took her key and unlocked the door for her. “What’s that, Edith?”

“I think Tony was wrong. I think that you would be an excellent dance partner for Vera. She’s an excellent teacher and I bet your light on your feet,” Edith cheerfully observed. “Must come from sneaking up on all those people when you were a sniper.”

The team leader was surprised that she was aware of his past. “How’d you know I was a sniper?” he asked.

“Tony told me,” she replied. “He really admires you; he strives so hard to live up to your expectations.”

DiNozzo had always felt like he needed to constantly prove his worth to Gibbs; but truthfully, the former Marine had seen something special in Tony the first time that they had butted heads in Baltimore. The brash young man definitely knew his way around the crime scene, but Gibbs had quickly discovered that there were many layers to the detective and he had been trying to peel back those layers for years to have a glimpse at the real Tony DiNozzo.

“He’s done more than that,” he boasted.

“Maybe you should remind him of that,” Edith suggested.

“Count on it.”

Edith slowly made her way into her apartment. “I’ll hold you to that, Jethro. You make sure and take good care of our boy.”

“With everything I’ve got,” he vowed.

As soon as she wished him farewell, she closed the door leaving him alone in the hallway. His eyes came to rest on Tony’s door. He fumbled for his keys and came across the one that would allow him access inside DiNozzo’s domain. Gibbs entered and closed the door behind him and began to look around. If Tony planned on returning home, there would have to be some adaptations made and he and Edith had formed a union to ensure that the changes would be as unobtrusive as possible.

Gibbs began to walk room to room, sensing Tony’s presence in every corner. His senior field agent was known for making lasting impressions, including ones that were not visible to the naked eye. Pulling his notepad out of his pocket, he began to jot down ideas as well as make a list of things that he would need in order to begin the renovations.

A blinking light on the nearby answering machine caught his attention. Tony had once told him that he was going to get rid of his landline and simply use his cell phone; he knew that most people called DiNozzo on his cell, so he couldn’t help but wonder why he had kept the landline. The team leader’s curiosity started to consume him as he hit the play button on the machine. He listened as a resonant baritone emanated from the speaker.

“Anthony, it’s your father. I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time, but I really need to talk to you about something. Call me back when you get the chance.”

So that was DiNozzo’s father. He remembered Edith saying something about Tony’s father calling him, but with everything else going on, he had thought nothing of it until now. Gibbs had never personally met the man, but over the years, he had grown to dislike Anthony DiNozzo, Senior. Tony tended to hide certain aspects of his childhood, downplaying the emotional scars that he bore so stoically; scars caused by the callousness of a father who never had time for his own flesh and blood.

Gibbs vividly recalled the time when Tony was recovering from pneumonic plague and his father had not returned any of his calls; anger had raged through the former Marine at the thoughts of the elder DiNozzo not caring enough to come visit his son. “You couldn’t be bothered a couple of years ago,” he mumbled. “What do you want now?”

The ringing of Tony’s phone startled him out of his musings. Glancing at the caller ID, he saw that it was DiNozzo’s dad again; evidently he really needed to speak with his son. Pushing the talk button, he gruffly said, “Hello?”

“Anthony?”

“Nope.”

A sigh of disgust. “Is Anthony there?”

“Nope,” Gibbs answered through tightly clenched teeth.

“May I ask whom I am speaking to?” Tony’s father inquired.

“Gibbs.”

“Gibbs? As in Agent Gibbs? You’re Tony’s boss.”

“Yes I am,” he declared.

“Can I ask why you’re answering Tony’s phone?”

Gibbs fought the urge to reach through the phone and strangle the man on the other end of the line. “Because he’s not here.”

“Where is he? When will he be back?”

“Don’t know,” he answered honestly. “I’ll tell him you called.”

“You do that,” DiNozzo Senior growled.

The line went dead and Gibbs put the handset back on the receiver. He knew that he couldn’t keep this a secret from Tony, but he truly dreaded telling him because then he would have to admit to being in his apartment without DiNozzo’s consent. Before the shooting, he knew that Tony wouldn’t have given a second thought to the team leader letting himself in, but now, he wasn’t so sure.

Putting his notepad in his pocket, he headed out the door and towards the car. He had to talk to Tony and he couldn’t put it off any longer; they both needed closure on the shooting if they were going to move forward. As he slid behind the driver’s seat, his cell phone rang.

“Gibbs,” he barked.

“Jethro, it’s Jenny.”

He rolled his eyes and muttered a curse under his breath. “Yeah?”

“I need you to come by NCIS headquarters. The results of the IA investigation are in.”

“Can this wait?” He could care less about the findings of the investigation; Gibbs desperately needed to talk with Tony.

“I expect you to be here in fifteen minutes. I would hate to add insubordination to your file,” she threatened.

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” he shot back. “I’ll be there when I can get there…right now, I’m stuck in traffic.”

He turned off his phone and threw it in the passenger’s seat. Gibbs was determined not to let this wound fester until there was nothing left but dead tissue. He and Tony were going to talk and the team leader made a vow that he wouldn’t leave until things were right between them.

Tony DiNozzo knew he should consider himself lucky, but he also knew that his luck had run out the second that those two bullets had entered his back. He had truly felt relieved when Dr. Winesett had informed him that there had been no further damage done to his spine because of his little escapade, but the fact remained that he was still paralyzed; there was nothing that he could do that would change the fact that he was never going to walk again.

The physician had been overly optimistic that once Tony started rehab, his outlook on life would greatly improve. He wondered if those words would have flowed so easily out of Winesett’s mouth if he had been the one facing life in a wheelchair. Tony had read the brochures several times and although the National Rehabilitation Hospital had a lot to offer, he still couldn’t see himself so easily adjusting. He had always prided himself on being self reliant and now his independence was being compromised by legs that no longer worked.

He blew out a frustrated breath. Tony was aware of the fact that he had to get a handle on his anger and bitterness or it would consume him. Despite his initial misgivings, there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that the shooting had been an accident. Perhaps it could have been avoided and then again, maybe it would’ve happened regardless; he wasn’t God and he wasn’t going to pretend to be able to predict the future or alter the past.

“You gotta move on, Anthony,” he whispered to himself. “You’ve done it before, you can do it again.”

How many times in his life had he been forced to start his life over by simply moving on? Tony began to try and calculate the number of times but at the moment, a trip down memory lane was too taxing for his jumbled mind. He wanted to sleep, but he was tired of waking up to discover that he hadn’t been dreaming and that his worst fears had been realized.

A soft rap at his door brought him out of his reverie. He looked up as Annie, his nurse, entered the room. “I just need to check your vitals one more time before I go on break.”

“Okay,” he sighed. “Just be gentle with me.”

Annie laughed. “Trust me, I’ve been doing this for years and I haven’t had a complaint yet.”

“That’s comforting.”

Tony watched her as she studied his monitor. “Everything look okay?’

“Yep, everything looks good. Your heart rate and blood pressure are back down. Are you in much pain?”

He bit back a sharp retort. Annie didn’t deserve his anger; she was simply doing her job. “Not too much. My shoulder’s a little tender but nothing I can’t handle.”

“You’re due for your pain meds in another hour, think you can make it?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks.”

She fluffed his pillow, pulled the sheet around his frame, and handed him the call button. “If you need anything before then, just push the call button.”

“Thank you, Nurse Annie.”

Tony saw her reach into the pocket of her sweater. “I almost forgot. This card came for you.”

Puzzled, he accepted the card and studied the familiar script of his father’s distinctive handwriting. Tony nodded his thanks as Annie turned to leave. “When I come back, I’ll have your transfer papers ready to sign,” she reminded him.

If his lack of response offended her, she hid it well. Tony couldn’t fathom how his dad found out that he was in the hospital. His dad had called him several times in the last few weeks, which had been highly unusual, but he had yet been able to work up the courage to return his calls. Even after all these years, his father seemed to hold some kind of power over him that made him revert back to a child.

“Tony?”

Startled, he glanced up to discover Gibbs standing in his doorway. Tony tucked the card underneath his leg and motioned for the team leader to come into the room. “Come on in, Boss.”

“You sure?”

Tony shrugged. “I guess.”

Gibbs made his way over to the chair beside his bed and sat down. Tony studied the man before him as the silence only served to exacerbate the tension between them. What more did they need to say to each other? He had told Gibbs that he knew that the shooting was an accident and that he didn’t hold the former Marine responsible. What did Gibbs need to hear him say? Why was Gibbs having such a hard time accepting his paralysis?

Of course, if he were being honest with himself, Tony had to admit that he was having a hard time as well absorbing the life changing ramifications of his disability. There was no hiding behind that infamous mask that he wore so casually; it was time for everything to be laid on the line.

“Did IA clear you?” Tony finally asked.

Gibbs shrugged. “I don’t know. Since you don’t have a bodyguard outside your door, I’m guessing that I’m in the clear.”

“That’s good.”

“Being cleared on paper doesn’t mean much.”

“That’s all that counts in the grand scheme of things; the brass saves face and all’s well with the world.”

Tony was too exhausted to concern himself with censoring his feelings. His nerves were raw with emotions that had been pent up for far too long and he didn’t have the energy to control the words that came out of his mouth.

“But that’s not how it really is,” Gibbs challenged. “All’s not well with your world, is it, DiNozzo?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You’re life has been irrevocably changed and not by your hand.”

He clenched his jaw. Tony definitely didn’t need Gibbs to remind him of what had happened; the shrapnel in his back and the wheelchair that he would be sitting in the rest of his days, served as a constant remembrance of his former life. “Not much I can do about it now.”

“I guess not. As much as I’d like to, I can’t change the past,” Gibbs stated.

“Then why dwell in it?” Tony snapped. “Why can’t you just let it go? I told you that I know it was an accident and that I forgive you; what else do you want from me? I’m not going to walk again, I’m not going to be able to be your senior field agent, I’m not even going to be able to have sex! We’ve been through this! Why do you want to keep rehashing it?”

Gibbs’ determined gaze cut right through him. “Because it’s still eating you up, just like it’s eating me up! You’re not going to be able to move on and neither am I until we clear the air between us.”

“I said I forgive you! What more is there to say?”

“I don’t know, Tony. Why don’t you tell me that I screwed up? Why don’t you tell me that you’re angry with me? Why don’t you…”

Tony could no longer contain his raging emotions. “Fine! You screwed up, Gibbs!” he roared. “Is that what you want to hear? You screwed up! Once again, you forgot you had a team and once again, we’re the ones who get caught up in your private little war! I guess we should be grateful that one of us didn’t up dead this time!”

He didn’t give Gibbs a chance to defend himself as Tony continued his tirade. The team leader had insisted on pushing him closer to the edge and now that he had gone over that precipice, he was barely hanging on to the side. “All you had to do was take a few seconds so we could put on a vest. How far were they going to get in those 15 seconds? Did you even know I went down the first time? How could you not have seen me get up? You know what, Gibbs? None of that really matters because when you get right down to it, I’m the idiot that walked into your line of fire.

“I guess that means we’re both at fault,” he stated, fire dripping from every word. “I’ve come to realize that it’s not you I’m pissed at; it’s me. I’m pissed because I was stupid enough to follow you like the loyal St. Bernard I am. I should have stopped you.”

“You couldn’t have,” Gibbs quietly admitted.

“I just didn’t try hard enough and now I’m paying my penance.”

Gibbs expression faded from uncertainty to disbelief. “You think you deserve this?”

“Don’t you?”

“How can you even ask me that?” the former Marine growled.

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose as he paused to consider his next words. For someone who enjoyed talking as much as he did, he was finding it difficult to sum up a life that had been filled with doubt and self loathing from a young age. “Just forget I said that.”

“Kind of hard to do that, DiNozzo.”

“Not now, Gibbs,” Tony warned. “I really don’t want to get into my warped psyche right now.”

“Tony, I…”

“Not now!” he bellowed. “Why can’t you just leave well enough alone? I’ve tried to live up to your expectations and I obviously can’t do it!”

“What do you mean by that?” Gibbs pressed.

“Just what I said. I don’t know what else you want me to do. I had your back for almost 7 years and it’s not good enough! I deserve what happened because I’m not good enough to…”

Tony choked back a sob. He couldn’t lose it now, not in front of Gibbs. Mentally chastising himself, he clenched his eyes shut but the tears still fell as his cheeks flushed a crimson red. “Go, Gibbs!” he cried. “Leave me alone!”

He didn’t have the energy to resist when he felt a pair of strong arms pull him close. The tears continued to flow uninhibited as Gibbs stroked the back of his head with his calloused hand. “We’re going to get through this, DiNozzo,” the Marine vowed.

“I can’t…do this, Boss. I can’t live my life…in a wheelchair. I can’t do this!” Tony wept.

“Yes, you can. Do you hear me?” Gibbs cupped his face in his hands. “Yes, you can. You can do anything that you set your mind to, Tony.”

The young man tried to pull away, but Gibbs would not relinquish his hold. “I’m going to help you through this; you’re gonna come out of this stronger than before.”

Uncomfortable with the display of fatherly affection, Tony pulled back once again in hope that Gibbs would sense his uneasiness with the physical contact. The team leader had always been able to read him like a book and he hoped that his skills didn’t fail him now. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “Sorry for losing it like that.”

“Don’t apologize.”

“I know,” Tony sighed. “Sign of weakness.”

“That and you have nothing to apologize for. You have every right to feel the way you do.”

“What? Bitter and pissed at the world?”

“Don’t you mean bitter and pissed at me?”

“That too.”

“Good.”

Tony stared at Gibbs in disbelief. The stress from the past few weeks and more specifically the last few days, must have finally caught up to the team leader. “Good? You want me to be mad at you?”

“It means you’re starting to accept what happened.”

“Really, Dr. Phil?” he shot back. “Because I don’t think I’m doing a very good job of accepting anything. One minute I’m angry as hell and the next minute I’m crying like a baby. Doesn’t sound like someone who’s accepting the fact that he’s never going to walk again!”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Tony.”

His eyes narrowed. “What about you, Gibbs? When are you going to accept it?”

“Tony, I…”

“No!” Tony barked. “I want to know when you’re going to accept it. You said that you’d get me through it, but how if you can’t accept it? Can you accept the reality that I’m never going to be able to walk into the office again or go out to a crime scene? Can you deal with the fact that although it was an accident, it was your bullets that ended up paralyzing me? When you see me in that wheelchair, are you going to be able to treat me like you always have?”

Gibbs’ silence provided Tony with the answers to his questions. “That’s what I thought.”

“Are you through?” the team leader coolly inquired.

“For now.”

His eyes remained fixed on Gibbs as he stood up and moved to hover over the head of his bed. Unfortunately, his reaction time was slower than it used to be and the palm of the team leader’s hand made contact with his head. “Have I got your attention?” Gibbs demanded.

Tony’s good arm flew up but he was met with resistance as the former Marine grabbed his wrist. “I am always going to have to live with the fact that I put you in a wheelchair,” Gibbs began. “But I have no intention of treating you as anything less than the man you are. Those bullets didn’t change who you are inside; you’re still Tony DiNozzo, my senior field agent, my friend, and my…son.”

Gibbs took a deep breath and blew it out. “I’m proud of you Tony and nothing’s going to change between us. You’re still the best agent I’ve ever worked with and the fact that you can’t walk has no affect whatsoever on your mind. I’ve got people who can do the leg work, but what I don’t have is someone who can put the pieces together like you do. You’ve stood by me for a long time and now it’s time you let me return the favor.”

“I don’t want your pity,” Tony grunted.

“You’re not going to get it. I’m going to push your butt so hard, you’ll think you’re in boot camp. I’m not going to let you down again,” Gibbs declared.

Tony pulled his hand free and fingered the loose threads on his blanket. “It’s not going to be easy.”

“I know.”

“Sometimes it’s not going to be pretty.”

“I know.”

“I’m going to be in this rehab center a while. Is Jenny, I mean Director Shepard going to hold my job?”

“Yep. I’ll make sure of it. I think she owes you one or two.”

“Or three or four,” he added.

Gibbs held out his hand. “Do we have a deal, DiNozzo?”

Tony shook the older man’s hand. “Deal, Boss.”

“Good.”

He watched as Gibbs stepped outside and quickly returned with a duffle bag in hand. “Thought you’d like to wear something else to the rehab center besides a hospital gown,” he informed him.

Tony took the bag and clumsily opened it with one hand and pulled out a pair of sweats and a Marine Corp T-shirt with the words Semper Fidelas. “Trying to recruit me, Boss?”

“Nope, DiNozzo. Just reminding you to Semper Fi.”

He clutched the shirt in his hands, not trusting his voice to say anything but a simple, “Thanks, Boss.” Maybe things were going to be all right; only time would tell.

“Let’s get you ready,” Gibbs said. “Annie will be back with your papers in a minute.”

“You going with me, Gibbs?”

“Yep.”

“You don’t have to do that. I’m a big boy; I can do this on my…” Gibbs glare silenced him. “Shutting up, Boss.”

Tony wasn’t comfortable with the idea of Gibbs dressing him, but at them moment, he really didn’t have a choice. As the team leader pulled back the cover, the card that had been concealed under his leg fell to the floor. Before Tony realized what had happened, Gibbs had picked up the card and was studying the address with great interest.

“This is from your dad,” Gibbs said.

“Yeah.”

“He’s been trying to get in touch with you. Why?’

Tony’s eyes narrowed. “How do you know that he’s been trying to get in touch with me?”

“Mrs. Kiser told me.”

He had a feeling that Gibbs wasn’t being completely honest with him, but he wasn’t sure he had the strength to start another fight. “Can I have my card back?”

Tony took the card and placed it inside his GSM magazine. “Thanks.”

“Aren’t you going to read it?”

“Not now.”

Gibbs sat on the edge of the bed. Tony silently cursed his useless legs as he realized he couldn’t escape the interrogation he was about to be subjected to. Out of the frying pan and into the fire; that seemed to be a summary of his life. Tony was beginning to wonder if this day was ever going to end.

Jethro Gibbs intently studied his senior field agent, hoping that his persistent glare would encourage Tony to talk about his father and why the elder DiNozzo had suddenly developed an interest in the son that he had all but forgotten over the years. DiNozzo had quickly tucked the card out of sight, clearly indicating that his relationship with his father was not a topic for discussion and Gibbs knew that he had to respect the young man’s wishes for now.

He could not chance alienating Tony when they had just managed to come to an understanding about the events of the past few days. Gibbs still felt guilty about shooting DiNozzo and only time would lessen that wound, but in order to move forward, they had both agreed that they would have to accept the past. That was easier said than done, but both men were willing to try.

Deciding that the best thing to do was not to question Tony about his father’s motives, he patted the young man on the leg in a silent gesture to assure him that things were still good between them. His cheeks flushed slightly as he realized that DiNozzo didn’t feel the comforting touch; how could he have been so stupid as to forget that Tony had no feeling or movement in his legs?

“I’m sorry, Tony,” he humbly apologized. “I just didn’t…”

“It’s okay, Gibbs,” DiNozzo replied. “It was kind of nice that you forgot; it kind of made me forget.” Tony’s gaze shifted to his hands, his own embarrassment evident by the sudden inability to maintain eye contact with the former Marine. “I guess that sounds kind of weird, huh?”

“No, not at all. You want to be treated like normal.”

Tony shrugged, his eyes now fixed on the older man. “I guess I figure that if you’re going to help me get through this, I can’t be wearing my feelings on my sleeves.” A mischievous smile played upon his lips. “Especially when I’m wearing a Marine t-shirt.”

Gibbs grinned at his friend, thankful that DiNozzo’s unique sense of humor had not been lost because of the circumstances that fate had dealt him. “Got a point there, DiNozzo.”

Standing up, he set the bag that he had brought the change of clothes in on the bed and started placing DiNozzo’s personal items in it. “Might as well make sure you’re packed up when the transport arrives to take you to the rehab center. Once you get settled in your room, you can make a list of stuff that you’re going to need and I’ll go out and get it for you.”

Tony nodded as he handed Gibbs the magazine that contained the card from his dad. Gibbs hesitated briefly before taking it and placing it in the bag, the simple gesture spoke volumes of how much Tony actually trusted him.

“Thanks, Gibbs,” DiNozzo quietly said. “Thanks for not pushing me to talk about my dad. I uh…just some things are better left alone.”

“You’re welcome,” the team leader replied. “Just know that if and when you want to talk, I’m ready to listen.”

“I know, Boss. I’ve always known that. My dad is a difficult man and sometimes I don’t understand him; I certainly don’t expect anyone else to be able to figure out what makes him tick.”

“The offer still stands, Tony.”

“Thanks, Boss.”

Gibbs acknowledged Tony’s gratitude with a nod and returned to his task at hand. He noticed that the silence between them was surprisingly comfortable; the team leader knew from experience that sometimes words often would get in the way of the message that was being conveyed. The unspoken message between him and DiNozzo was one of trust and Gibbs was determined not to break that faith that Tony had in him.

As he finished packing, Gibbs placed the bag in the seat. “Did we forget anything?”

Tony glanced around the room and shook his head. “I don’t think so. You can take the flowers to the nurse’s station and tell them to pass them out to someone who might need their day brightened up a little bit.”

The team leader was never surprised by Tony’s kindness and generosity, as his co-workers often were; DiNozzo truly had a giving heart when it came to others, but years of conditioning had taught him how to hide behind a mask of indifference. He had lost count of the number of times that both Ziva and McGee had missed a rare opportunity to see the real Anthony DiNozzo, but because of their own blindness, they had missed those occasions when Tony had dared to show a glimpse of his true nature.

“I’ll be glad to.”

“Thanks. I figure that somebody in this hospital needs a pick me up; I figure that they’ll just be in the way at the rehab center.”

Gibbs grabbed a couple of the arrangements and then headed towards the door. “I’ll get the rest in a few minutes. You just hang tight.”

“I’m not going anywhere. Literally,” Tony softly muttered.

He bit back a retort knowing that Tony didn’t need a lecture on positive thinking. DiNozzo still had to come to terms with living life in a wheelchair and Gibbs could not condemn the young man for his feelings. The former Marine wasn’t sure what he would do if his and Tony’s positions were reversed; he had a feeling that he would have already put a bullet through his brain.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Nobody had dared to question Abby as to why she was sitting at Tony’s desk and even if they had, Abby would have simply sent them packing with her own glare that at times could rival Gibbs’. She missed Tony and simply wanted to absorb his presence so she had made her way to the bullpen and was now staring at a picture of him that she had uploaded from her camera onto his computer. “Oh Tony,” she whispered. “Hurry back. I promise to make sure your desk is just the way you left it.”

“Uh…Abby?”

She looked up to discover McGee standing in front of her, his expression a mixture of concern and confusion. Choosing to ignore him, she once again fixed her gaze on Tony’s picture. Unfortunately, McGee was not going to be so easily dismissed.

“Abby, what are you doing?” he inquired.

“What’s it look like I’m doing, McGee?” she testily countered.

“It looks like you’re sitting at Tony’s desk and staring at his picture on the computer.”

“Then that’s what I’m doing.”

“I can see that, Abby,” McGee sighed. “But why?”

Abby leaned back in Tony’s chair and crossed her arms. “Don’t you have anything better to do than interrogate me?”

“Uh, well actually…”

“Good,” she declared. “Don’t let me keep you.”

“Don’t you have any work to do?”

“I’m taking a break.”

“You don’t take breaks,” McGee pointed out.

“I do now.”

McGee walked around with the intention of sitting on Tony’s desk but a stern look from Abby prompted him to remain standing. “Abby, you do realize that it could be a very long time before Tony comes back to work? It’s even possible that he won’t come back.”

“Don’t say that, McGee,” Abby warned. “Tony is coming back and when he does, you better be nice to him!”

“Nice? Abby, I’m…”

“Don’t go there, McGee. You and Ziva both could be nicer to Tony. You have no idea what he does for you, do you?”

“Abby, I…”

“Don’t interrupt me, Tim,” the Goth instructed. “Whether you know it or not, he’s always looking out for you and Ziva; he’s always taking the brunt of Gibbs’ bad temper, and…” Abby visibly bristled as an almost imperceptible smirk danced across McGee’s lips. She had known the agent far too long not to realize that he was trying to hide something. Abby rose from her seat and step by step, she forced him back towards his desk. “What are you not telling me, McGee?”

“Abby, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She placed her hands on her hips. “Abby’s rule number one; never lie to Abby. I started talking about Tony’s job and you look like the cat that swallowed the canary. What’s up?”

“Nothing,” he tried to assure her. “You’re imagining things, Abs.”

“No I’m not,” she argued. “You had this tiny smirk on your face and you only get that look when you’re thinking very highly of yourself.”

“I do not!”

“Yes, you do! I see it a lot, even around me. I just choose to ignore it, Elf Lord.”

Abby noticed that McGee winced at the mention of his moniker than Tony had bestowed upon him. “You can’t lie to me,” she reminded him. “You might as well come clean.”

McGee sat his backpack down and sat in his chair. “I just came from the Director’s office and...”

“What?” Abby impatiently pressed.

“She wants to promote me to senior field agent.”

“On whose team?”

He swallowed hard. “Gibbs’ team.”

“Gibbs already has a senior field agent,” she pointed out. “Did you happen to remind her of that fact?”

“I did, Abby. I told her that I couldn’t take Tony’s place and…”

“And what did she say to that?”

An exasperated sigh escaped from his lips. “If you would quit interrupting me, I’ll tell you.”

Abby stared at him, her eyes silently daring him to tell her that he was undermining Tony’s position. She knew that it wasn’t McGee’s fault that the Director offered him the position of Senior Field Agent, but she was truly upset at Tim’s waning sense of loyalty. “Then tell me, McGoo.”

“I reminded her that Tony was still technically Gibbs’ senior field agent and she understood my reluctance to step in and assume his responsibilities. She appreciated my loyalty and suggested that I just take it temporarily until we see if Tony’s coming back.”

“Don’t you mean when?” she purposefully corrected.

“Abby, you’ve got to face the facts; Tony may never come back.”

She found herself wishing she could hit the delete button on McGee’s keyboard and erase the words that had just come out of his mouth. Tony was coming back and he would take his rightful place as Gibbs’ right hand man. “Don’t say that! You just wait, McGee; Tony’s going to come through those doors one day and kick your butt for doubting him. I hope that the Director has another team lined up for you because I have a feeling that your stint as Gibbs’ senior field agent is going to be short lived.”

“Abby, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to make you angry.”

Her brow arched as her lips curved upward. “It’s not me you’re going to have to worry about, McGee. I just don’t want to be around when Gibbs gets a hold of you and the Director.”

Turning on her heels she stormed out of the bullpen and towards the elevator. How could McGee do this to Tony? Although Tim had been Tony’s senior field agent while Gibbs was in Mexico, he had never served in that capacity under the team leader and he was in for a rude awakening. She briefly considered going and talking to the Director regarding McGee’s sudden promotion, but Abby knew that there was someone far better suited for that dirty deed.

Reaching in the pocket of her lab coat, she pulled out her cell phone and hit speed dial. If anyone could fix this mess, it was Gibbs. She impatiently willed the former Marine to answer his own phone. “Come on, Gibbs. This is an emergency.”

After the third ring, she heard the voice that was like music to her ears. “Gibbs,” came the gruff reply.

“Gibbs,” she excitedly began, “You’re not going to believe this…”



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Tony closed his eyes, taking a moment to cherish the solitude. He usually didn’t want to be alone because it gave him too much time to think and generally feel sorry for himself. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that he had earned these rare times of self pity, but he couldn’t be controlled by them. Given his current circumstances, Tony was amazed that he hadn’t drowned in a sea of self loathing deprecation, but fortunately, Gibbs had his six.

A soft knock at the door interrupted his musings and desire for seclusion. “Come in,” he sighed, hoping that it was the transport people to take him to the Rehab Center; he was more than ready to leave the hospital and the well meaning ministrations of its staff.

“Anthony?”

He opened his eyes at the sound of the distinctive voice. His heart began to pound in his chest and he felt his throat momentarily constrict as Tony struggled to find his voice to address his father. “Dad,” he finally managed. “What are you doing here?’

Anthony DiNozzo, Senior carefully placed his trench coat and hat on the foot of Tony’s bed and then proceeded to sit down on the edge of the bed. Tony studied his father and aside from his hair being a little grayer and a few more lines around his eyes, his dad had not changed that much. “You wouldn’t return my calls so I finally managed to track you down. I was…uh surprised to learn that you had been shot, but I see that you’re feeling better.”

“I’m fine,” Tony flatly answered.

“That’s good to hear, Junior.”

“So, I guess you can leave now.”

“Anthony, I just got here,” Senior protested. “I thought we could talk and…”

“What could we possibly have to talk about, Dad?”

“Anything you wanted to talk about.”

Tony laughed and shook his head. “I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure now is not the time that you want to hear what I have to say. Why don’t you just tell me what it is that you want?”

Senior visibly bristled. “You always were difficult when you were sick; perhaps I should come back later.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Tony retorted, not bothering to tell his father that he was being transferred to a rehab center.

“When you’re at home, I’ll drop by later and…”

“I’m not going home, Dad.”

Puzzled, Senior asked, “You’re not going home? Where are you going?”

“Does it matter?” Tony shot back.

“Of course it does. I’m your father; I have a right to know.”

“Why?”

He saw his father instinctively clench his fist, but Tony no longer feared the blow that would often follow. The last time his dad had backhanded him for challenging his authority was the last time that he had seen his father until he had graduated from college. “You’re still as impudent as ever,” Senior growled. “Is it so hard to believe that I’ve learned from my past mistakes and want to try and make amends?”

“You’ve tried that angle before, Dad. I don’t think I’ll fall for it as easily this time.”

“Anthony, I…”

Tony’s tenuous rein on his temper was about to be unleashed; years of pent up anger and frustration were threatening to erupt and his father was going to be the recipient of a myriad of pain filled emotions that had been locked away for a long time. “I don’t want to hear it, Dad. I’ve got a lot more important things to deal with than trying to make up for lost time!”

“What could be more important than trying to salvage our father and son relationship?”

“What relationship? Dad, we don’t have a relationship; we’re nothing but mere acquaintances!” Tony’s voice was trembling with rage and he was determined not to spare the older man’s feelings. He scrubbed his face with his good hand in an unsuccessful attempt at getting his wrath back under control. “As for what’s more important,” Tony continued. “How about the fact that I’m going to have to learn how to live my life in a wheelchair? How’s that for important?”

“A wheelchair?” Senior uttered, disbelief etched in his distinguished features. “I had no idea, Anthony. I…”

“I don’t need your pity, Dad.”

His dad’s mouth was set in a firm line. “I’ve never pitied you, Junior,” his father seethed. “I’ve always taught you how to face life head on and be a man.”

Tony bit the inside of his cheek drawing blood. Why did he let his father do this to him? Would he ever be anything other than a matter of convenience to the man? What gave his dad the right to waltz in and out of his life whenever he wanted to? Tony decided he would give anything for Gibbs to walk through his door right now. “I think you better leave now. We’ll try this father and son thing again in a few years.”

“Anthony, it’s obvious that you’re angry about your situation. I can’t blame you for that,” Senior said. “Maybe there’s something I can do to help.”

“The only thing you can do is leave.”

Senior stood up and gathered his coat and hat and turned to leave. “Obviously this was not the best time for us to visit. What rehabilitation center are you going to? Perhaps I can work a visit into my schedule once you’ve settled in and become adjusted to your new living arrangements.”

“Doesn’t sound like he wants your company.”

Tony breathed a sigh of relief as Gibbs seemingly appeared out of nowhere. He was really going to have to figure out how the team leader so easily accomplished that feat. His father was about to address Gibbs until the agent’s phone rang.

“Gibbs,” he answered, his piercing gaze fixed on Tony’s dad. After a few seconds, the former Marine replied, “I’m going to have to call you back, Abs.”

The tension in the room seemed to increase significantly as his father and Gibbs, the man he truly considered to be his father, stood toe to toe, each one silently sizing up the other. Gibbs made the initial move. “Jethro Gibbs.”

“I never forget a voice,” his dad boasted. “We spoke earlier.”

“Briefly.”

Uncertainty was now plaguing Tony as he attempted to figure out how and why Gibbs would have been talking to his dad. The two older men continued to stare at each other, a mixture of anger and newly found hatred for each other seemed to consume their aura.

Tony cleared his throat to garner his dad and Gibbs’ attention. “Excuse me? Does somebody want to tell me what the hell is going on here?”

Part 20


Two sets of eyes were now fixated on him, clearly surprised by his unexpected outburst. Tony was still reeling over the realization that his father and Gibbs had actually exchanged words before today without his knowledge; he wasn’t sure what had been said between the two men but evidently it was enough that they had developed a mutual dislike for each other. Neither of these men was used to having their actions questioned but at the moment, Tony didn’t care. He wanted an answer to his question and he wanted the truth.

“I’m waiting,” he pressed, unable to hide his growing impatience as he waited for a believable explanation.

His father was the first one to speak. “Agent Gibbs and I had a brief phone conversation earlier; it seems that he was assuming the responsibility of being your answering service.”

“My answering service?”

“I called your apartment and Gibbs answered,” Senior further explained as his steely gaze focused on the team leader.

His attention turned to Gibbs. “Was this when you were there with Mrs. Kiser?” Tony inquired.

“No,” Gibbs answered. “After I took her back home.”

He wasn’t receptive to the idea that the former Marine had been in his apartment alone. Tony liked to keep his personal life private and although Gibbs knew almost everything about him, the team leader had never ventured into his domain without his consent. Gibbs must have had his reasons for being there because Jethro Gibbs didn’t do anything without a reason; he would just have to figure out later. He didn’t want his father getting a scent of any dissention between him and Gibbs because there wasn’t a doubt that Senior would somehow use it to his advantage.

“He’s keeping an eye on my place while I’m in the hospital,” he quickly offered as a justification for the team leader’s presence in his apartment.

He watched his dad’s eyes shift between him and Gibbs, trying to understand the unspoken agreement between the leader and the senior field agent. “I figured that you would get one of your neighbors to do that, Anthony,” his father assumed.

“Gibbs is also looking in on Mrs. Kiser for me.”

“Mrs. Kiser?”

“My elderly neighbor,” was the only enlightenment that he offered to his father.

“I see.”

“So, what did you guys have to say to each other?” Tony wanted to know.

“Not much,” Gibbs answered. “We exchanged a few pleasantries and after I wouldn’t tell him where you were, we hung up.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “A few pleasantries?”

“I was concerned because I hadn’t heard from you lately,” Senior interjected.

Tony laughed at his father’s ludicrous statement; the only time that Tony DiNozzo, Senior remembered that he had a son was when he wanted something. “I didn’t want you to know where I was, Dad; I figured that if you wanted to see me bad enough, you’d figure it out on your own.”

The subsequent awkward silence in the room was starting to grate on Tony’s frazzled nerves. He wished that Gibbs and his dad would just leave so he could focus on his immediate future. The prospect of going to the rehabilitation center was weighing heavily on him; the thought of the unknown caused his doubts and insecurities to fester like an infected wound.

For all his father’s faults, the man knew to pick his battles carefully. His dad only fought for something when he thought that the victory would be beneficial for him. Tony figured that would explain why he never seemed to fight for the love of his own son; it never mattered to his father if he was loved by his flesh and blood as long as he had power over every situation.

He sensed that his dad was in danger of losing that control and had quickly arrived at the decision to bow out gracefully so he could regroup for his next attack. Life was a game to his dad and unfortunately over the years, Tony had been the one to lose each and every time.

Senior made a motion of glancing at his watch. Picking up his coat and hat, his father excused himself from the room. “Look at the time!” his dad exclaimed, failing to break the tension between the three men. “I’m late for an appointment. I will check on you later, Junior. What rehab center did you say you were going to?”

Tony glared at him. “I didn’t.”

“We’ll talk soon, Junior,” the older man vowed.

Tony didn’t miss the determined gleam in his father’s eye. There would undoubtedly be another confrontation where he would be forced to listen to what his father had to say. These personal conflicts between father and son usually resulted in a couple of physical and mental blows and years of resentment on both sides. He would not allow his father to penetrate the shields around his heart and so far, he had managed to keep those walls intact.

Without another word, his father left the room, leaving the young man alone with the team leader. Raking his hands through his hair, he glared at his mentor and asked, “So what were you doing in my apartment?”

“I was just looking around to get an idea of how it can be adapted so when you get out of rehab, your place will be ready for you,” Gibbs stated.

Tony felt the tiny vein his forehead throb as he clenched his jaw. Gibbs was only trying to help him; why did he feel like tearing the man apart? Was he going to spend the rest of his life angry and bitter when someone offered a kind gesture? He had been relying on himself since he was a teenager and his father’s visit had forced him to resort to his self preservation tactics to avoid getting hurt by the man that was supposed to love him unconditionally.

“Thanks,” he finally managed to mumble. “I appreciate it. I really do. I just…” Tony pinched the bridge of his nose as he attempted to quell the feelings of annoyance he was internally experiencing. “Next time, just let the machine pick up.”

“Tony, I…”

“Not now, Gibbs,” Tony warned. “I thought that you weren’t going to push me to talk about my dad. You’ve met him face to face and apparently exchanged so called pleasantries, so I don’t think you need me to expand upon why I don’t want to discuss anything pertaining to the great Anthony DiNozzo, Senior.”

“All right,” the team leader reluctantly conceded. “But we’re not done with this conversation by any means.”

“I know.”

Fortunately before Gibbs could offer a rebuttal, his nurse entered with his transfer papers in hand. “Good news!” Annie announced. “All I need is your autograph and you’re on your way.”

Tony blew out a pent a breath and forced a smile as he took the papers with his free hand. “I think you should come with me,” he teased.

“And why is that?”

“Because my next nurse might be an old, blue headed, grandma with no teeth and a wart on her nose, who will enjoy those sponge baths a little too much.”

“Actually, I’ve already spoken to the nurse who will be doing your orientation once you get there and she has promised me that she will take good care of you. Her name is Gretchen and you’ll like her; she and I graduated together.”

Tony eyed Annie suspiciously. “What does she look like?”

Annie patted him on the head. “You’re hopeless.” Handing him a pen, she instructed, “Start signing everywhere you see an ‘X’.”

“Give me a hint?” Tony pleaded.

“Sign.”

He tried to still the tremor in his hand as he signed his name over and over. Tony wasn’t sure if he was trembling from weakness or if his nerves were still raw from the emotional roller coaster he had been riding on for the last several hours. He scowled at his shaky signature as he listened to Annie talking to Gibbs. The senior agent hoped that his boss was paying attention to her instructions because he was having a hard enough time concentrating on the simply chore of writing his name.

Finally completing the mundane task, he handed the papers back to Annie. She quickly perused them and satisfied that everything was in order, checked his vital signs one last time. “Your chariot is downstairs and the EMT’s are waiting to transport you. We’ve already sent over your records and Agent Gibbs has everything else you’re going to need when you check in,” she informed him. “Do you have any questions?”

Tony shook his head. “Nope. I guess I’m ready.”

Annie graced him with a beautiful smile as she squeezed his hand. “When you get better, you come back and see me,” she said. “You’re a special man, Tony DiNozzo. You can do this.”

Although he knew his grin was not as convincing as hers, he nodded his thanks and gave her a sly wink. “Gretchen better be a looker or I’m coming back here.”

Annie and Gibbs both laughed at his thinly veiled threat. “Take care, Tony. I’ll never forget you.”

“I’m pretty unforgettable,” he mused.

If he had not been out of Gibbs’ reach, Tony knew that he probably would have received a head slap for that comment and truthfully, he probably deserved it. “Thanks for everything, Annie,” he called out as she headed towards the door.

She motioned for the EMT’s to enter and then gave him one final wave. Tony allowed the two men to transfer him to a gurney; the fact that he couldn’t feel what they were doing was pushed to the back of his mind as he quietly joked with the team leader who had grabbed his bag and copies of his papers. His anger towards Gibbs had temporarily subsided some as he subconsciously started handling things like he usually did by using humor and avoidance.

“You comin’, Boss?”

“On your six, DiNozzo,” Gibbs replied. “I’ll be right behind the ambulance.”

Tony nodded to the EMT’s that he was ready. “I’ll see you there, Gibbs.”

As he was wheeled out of the room, Tony felt as if he were in a sense closing the door on one part of his life. He was going to have to learn a new way of living his life and despite the front that he was now determined to hide behind, he was scared to death of what his future entailed.

He could almost hear his father’s words playing in his mind, “DiNozzo’s aren’t scared of anything!”

Tony laughed to himself, formulating his own reply to his father’s condemnation. I’m afraid I’m going to have to disappoint you once again Dad; this DiNozzo isn’t just scared, he’s terrified…



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



The team leader got in his car and leaned his head back on the head rest, the events of the past few hours randomly playing in his mind. He and Tony had come to an understanding and a semi-acceptance of the shooting and the resulting consequences only to almost have it undermined by Tony’s father and Gibbs’ seeming disrespect for the young man’s privacy.

Despite all outward appearances, DiNozzo was a very private person; he kept his personal life close to the vest and very few people ever got the privilege of seeing the real Tony DiNozzo. Gibbs knew that he was one of those few and did not take that honor lightly. He was grateful that Tony seemed willing to brush this episode aside if for no other reason than to tick off his father. There were obviously a lot of hidden issues between Tony and his father that he would probably never be privy too, but that didn’t stop the former Marine from having Tony’s back.

He tiredly sighed as he started the car, wondering if every day was going to be as long as this one had been. Gibbs had a feeling that until Tony was able to do things on his own, the days would more than likely seem endless. He hadn’t taken any of his leave since his return from Mexico, so he could possibly take another leave of absence, but more than likely Tony would balk and insist on him working. The agent knew that DiNozzo would feel like a burden and that was the last thing he wanted to happen; there was already enough guilt between the two of them to fill the San Andreas Fault.

Pulling up behind the ambulance, he waited as the EMT’s situated DiNozzo in back; the team leader could tell that the dark-haired man was trying to hide his discomfort from the two men. Tony’s arm had to be hurting him, but his senior field agent was stubborn and would more than likely refuse any offer of pain medicine. Gibbs had to admit that Tony and pain killers were not a good combination, but he hated to see the agonizing expression on DiNozzo’s still too pale features.

As the ambulance pulled away, he closely followed behind in his car. He wanted to arrive at the same time so that Tony would know that he wasn’t alone but more than that, Gibbs wanted to make sure the staff knew his name and his face because they would be seeing him a lot.

His phone began to ring and he muttered a curse when he remembered that he hadn’t returned Abby’s call. He knew that she would understand once he explained the circumstances but his gut was telling him that his abruptness was the last thing on her mind. “Gibbs,” he answered.

“Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs! Can you talk now?” Abby frantically inquired.

Her voice was strained with a hint of impatience interwoven in the gravelly tone. He easily sensed that she was upset about something other than the fact that he had been forced to hang upon her earlier. “Sorry, Abs. Tony had an unexpected visitor,” he explained.

“Is everything all right?”

“For now,” Gibbs assured her. “We’re on our way to the rehab center to get him settled in. I don’t know how long I’ll be.”

“I know you need to take care of Tony, but there’s something going on here that you need to know about too.”

“And that is?”

There was a slight pause before she blurted out, “The Director wants to promote McGee to senior field agent. Your senior field agent.”

Gibbs should have expected that Jenny would try something like this. She was advertising her power and punishing him at the same time; he couldn’t help but think that Jenny was somehow jealous of Tony and the paternal feelings that he had towards the younger man. His grip on the steering wheel tightened until his knuckles were white. Damn her! He had a senior field agent and his name was Tony DiNozzo!

He didn’t doubt that McGee had the makings of a good senior field agent, but Gibbs wasn’t so convinced that he could withstand up to the expectations that he had placed on Tony and that DiNozzo consistently exceeded. In other words, he truly didn’t think Tim could handle being his senior field agent.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can, Abs,” he promised.

“What are you going to do?’

“I’ll take care of it.”

“You won’t let her replace Tony, right?” she pressed. “I mean, Tony is coming back and he’s still your senior field agent and although I love McGee, well not right now, because I’m upset with him, but I just don’t think he has what it takes to keep up with you and Tony. Oh my gosh, Tony is just so amazing; it’s like he knows what you expect without you having to speak a word and the way that his mind works...”

“Abby,” Gibbs called out to her in hopes of getting a word in edgewise. “You don’t have to convince me. Tony is still my senior field agent and nothing’s going to change that!”

“Not even the Director?”

“Especially not the Director,” he growled.

“I knew I could count on you,” Abby cheerfully replied.

“Always, Abs.”

“Give Tony a hug for me,” she instructed.

“I think he’d appreciate it more coming from you.”

“You’re probably right. Tell him that I’ll be there tomorrow to see him and that I’m bringing him some of Grammie’s gumbo. Anyway, call me after you talk to the Director; I want details, Gibbs.”

“Later, Abs.”

Gibbs hung up and dialed his former lover’s cell phone but ended up getting her voicemail. What he needed to say to hear couldn’t be said in a message so he snapped shut his phone and slung in the seat beside him. He was not going to play her game and he was definitely not going to allow her to pit his team against each other.

“You’re not going to get away with it, Jen,” he muttered under his breath. “Tony’s already had too much taken away from him; you’re not taking his job.”

He was forced to tamp down his anger as they pulled into the entrance of the National Rehabilitation Hospital. Gibbs parked in a temporary parking space reserved for new admissions and their families and grabbed Tony’s bag and other forms out of the back seat. The team leader stood at the back of the ambulance as the EMT’s carefully unloaded Tony.

“You doing okay, DiNozzo?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Tony answered through clenched teeth.

“Did you let them give you anything for your shoulder?”

Tony shook his head. “Nope. I’m okay now that we’re not hitting every pothole on the beltway.”

Gibbs walked by the side of the gurney as they entered the center. He could see the nervous anticipation in Tony’s emotive orbs; DiNozzo was scared and Gibbs truly didn’t blame him because he was scared too. Reaching down, he gave the injured man’s hand a subtle squeeze. “You can do this.”

DiNozzo’s hushed tones tore at his heart. “Hope you’re right, Boss; I hope you’re right.”

The two agents were greeted by a dark-haired, green-eyed beauty that Tony could only hope was Annie’s friend, Gretchen. Her perfect smile made her eyes sparkle as she approached him with an air of confidence that he would normally find very appealing; unfortunately, his life was about as far from normal as it could get. He expertly slipped his mask back on and returned her smile, he was prepared to pretend that he was willing to accept his future.

“You must be Agent DiNozzo,” Gretchen exclaimed. “Annie has told me all about you.”

“I hope she hasn’t told you everything,” Tony teased.

“Just enough to know that I’m going to have to keep my eye on you.”

Tony winked at the nurse, his grin effectively hiding his increasing discomfort. The ride in the transport ambulance had been difficult and if he were honest with himself, a dose of pain medicine would certainly make his life easier at this point; it would also mean a loss of control. At the moment, he had very little control of his life and the very idea of not being able to have power over his own body was more than disconcerting.

“Seems like she’s got your number, DiNozzo,” Gibbs said, inadvertently slicing through the tension that Tony had created with his silence.

“I’m sure I still have a few lines she hasn’t heard yet,” Tony pointed out.

“I doubt that,” she playfully shot back as she turned her attention to the team leader. “You must be Agent Gibbs. Annie said that you would be accompanying Tony and that you were good to have around when it came to handling our prize patient here.”

“I don’t know about that,” the older man icily replied. “I’m here to help Tony any way I can, but he’s his own man.”

“I didn’t mean to imply…”

Tony couldn’t figure out why Gibbs’ mood seem to sour so quickly, but he was certain that he didn’t want to be caught in the middle of a standoff between the former Marine and the nurse. “So, where’s my room?”

Relief flooded Gretchen’s lovely features as she turned her focus back to him. Tony flashed his famous grin once again, hoping to diffuse yet another stressful situation. He was getting tired of being the peacemaker and one of these days, Tony knew that he would reach his limit and he prayed that no one would be around to witness the fallout.

“We’ve got your room ready for you. It’s on the second floor, room 222; your room is on the west wing. It’s a semi-private room but you don’t have a room mate right now,” Gretchen informed him. “I’m going to escort you to your room and get you settled in and then we’ll go from there.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“All right. I’ll get a couple of aides to push the gurney and we’ll be on our way.”

“I’ll wait right here.”

As soon as Gretchen was out of earshot, he glanced over at Gibbs who was clenching his jaw so tightly that the vein in his head was throbbing. Tony had seen that determined expression before and knew that something was weighing heavily on the team leader’s mind.

“You want to tell me what that was about?” Tony asked.

“What?”

“Give me a little credit, Gibbs. I may not be able to walk, but I can hear and see; you were fine when we came through the door,” he recalled. “Why’d you nearly take Gretchen’s head off? She was just doing her job.”

“I didn’t like her implying that you needed someone to keep you in line.”

Tony couldn’t help but laugh. He instantly regretted the action when a sharp pain shot through his shoulder; he rubbed his shoulder as he forced his breathing to even out. “You’ve always kept me…in line; gonna have to come…up with something better than that.”

“You should let them give you something for pain.”

“Quit changing…the subject. What gives, Boss?”

“I guess everything’s just catching up to me, DiNozzo.”

“Fine, don’t tell me; but you know I’ll eventually figure it out,” he reminded Gibbs. “I am a top notch investigator.”

“I’m aware of that.”

“Just wanted to remind you, just in case it slipped your mind.”

He found himself unnerved by the team leader’s unwavering gaze. “I want you to listen to me, Tony,” Gibbs instructed.

“Sure, Boss,” he nervously answered, feeling slightly unbalanced by the serious tone in Gibbs’ voice.

“I told you a long time ago that you’re irreplaceable and I meant it; I only work with the best and you DiNozzo, are the best.”

“Um…thanks, I think. Why are you telling me this now?”

Gibbs shrugged. “Just felt like it needed to be said.”

“Oh.” Tony was at a loss for words. Gibbs didn’t normally hand out compliments, especially to him. “Are you sure nothing’s going on that I should know about?” He couldn’t shake the feeling that his mentor wasn’t being completely honest with him.

“Nothing you need to worry about.”

“Yeah,” Tony mumbled, realizing that Gibbs was not going to reveal anything else until he was ready. He would have to be temporarily satisfied with the unexpected praise and use his lauded skills as an investigator to find out the reasoning behind the commendation.

Fortunately, his mind didn’t have time to wander too far as Gretchen approached him once again. “Are you ready, Agent DiNozzo?”

“I was born ready,” he quipped.

“I don’t doubt it,” she laughed.

“Be prepared, that’s my motto!”

“I think that one belongs to the Boy Scouts.”

“And what makes you think that I wasn’t a Boy Scout?”

Gretchen shook her head in amusement. “Were you?”

“Nope,” he grinned.

“I didn’t think so.”

Tony noticed two men making their way down the corridor towards him. He watched with interest as the nurse greeted them and then turned to introduce them to him. “Tony, this is Tom and Mike; these guys are going to take you to your room and get you settled in so we can get you squared away.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

He glanced up at the team leader. “Comin’ Boss?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, DiNozzo.”

“Follow me, gentlemen,” she sweetly instructed, her previous encounter with Gibbs all but forgotten. Tony hoped that Gibbs would do the same; it certainly would make things easier for him.

As he was pushed down the hall, Tony stared straight ahead, not wanting to look into the eyes of those that he passed by. He knew that these people wondered who he was and what his story was, but Tony wasn’t ready to share anything with these strangers. Truthfully, he still wasn’t convinced that this was where he wanted to be, but he had given his word and Tony DiNozzo did not go back on his word; right now, that was all he had.




XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



The silence in Abby’s lab was oddly deafening to the two individuals who were standing outside the door; the absence of music told Ziva and McGee that the Forensic scientist was not happy. Tim had explained what had happened and although Ziva couldn’t blame McGee for wanting to become a senior field agent, she couldn’t blame Abby for her anger and for her desire to protect Tony. The senior field agent and the Goth had always enjoyed a special friendship and she admired Abby’s loyalty to Tony, but Ziva also knew that Abby Scuito tended to be blinded to reality by her emotions and the reality was that Tony may never come back and work as an NCIS agent.

Ziva knew that many people considered her at times to be cold and sometimes heartless, but that truly didn’t matter to her. Those individuals who shared those opinions simply did not realize that she was a realist and accepted the circumstances that were dealt to her; perhaps that explained her unwillingness to form a deep bond with people. Trust did not come easily to her and she knew that it would take a long time before she arrived at being able to completely trust the people that she now considered to be friends; maybe someday, she would even consider them to be family.

That future was now at stake and she had felt compelled after talking to McGee to help him make amends with Abby. The two of them had too much history to simply throw away and now, with McGee standing beside her, Ziva was prepared to try and fix a friendship on verge of collapse.

She cleared her throat and softly called out as they entered the lab, “Abby?”

It only took a couple of seconds before they discovered Abby in her office with the door closed. The scientist was at her desk, worry etched in her porcelain features as she stared at Tony’s picture on her monitor. Ziva blew out a pent up breath and glanced at McGee. “This may not be as easy as I thought.”

“I told you,” McGee reminded her. “She’s really mad about this.”

“I can see that.” Ziva knocked on the glass door. “Abby?”

The scientist looked up, her eyes narrowed as she shot daggers of rage through McGee. “I’m busy,” Abby snapped.

“We just want to talk to you.”

“I don’t have anything to say to Agent McGee at the moment.”

“Please, Abby,” Ziva pleaded. “Just hear me out.”

“Are you siding with him?”

“Not completely, but I think that you are being a bit irrational about this.”

“Think what you want, but I believe that Tony is coming back and that he’s coming back as Gibbs’ senior field agent.”

“And what if he doesn’t, Abby? What if he can’t come back? Then what?”

“That’s not a possibility. He’s coming back.”

Ziva sighed in disgust as she turned to McGee. “Maybe you better let me handle this,” she suggested.

She was relieved when McGee readily agreed with her. “Sounds like a plan to me. Let me know what happens?”

“Of course, McGee.”

As she watched McGee until he was out of sight, Ziva quietly considered how she was going to get through to Abby. She was regretting her offer to mediate between Tim and Abby; she would more than likely have better luck negotiating world peace. “He’s gone now, Abby. Will you let me in?”

Much to Ziva’s relief, Abby opened the door via remote and then returned her attention to the computer screen. “That’s a good picture of Tony,” she began, deciding that a more gentle approach would be necessary. “Where was it taken?”

“Virginia Beach.”

“Really?”

“Yep. It wasn’t long after he started here,” Abby began to explain. “We were talking one night and something came up about the sunrise and how beautiful it was as it came up over the ocean. We hopped in his car and drove down to Virginia Beach; I remember we sat on the beach and watched the sun come up and just talked. I learned a lot about Tony that night and that was when I figured out that I could always count on him; just like I can Gibbs. They really are two of a kind.”

“I’ve never thought of Tony as being comparable to Gibbs; to me, they are two very different people.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Ziva. They’re more alike than anyone realizes; sometimes Tony and Gibbs don’t even realize it, but I do.”

Ziva sat on the edge of Abby’s desk. “Abby, about what happened with McGee; don’t you think you’re overreacting just a bit?’

She saw Abby visibly bristle. “No, I don’t and Gibbs doesn’t think so either. He’s not very happy with McGee or Director Shepard.”

There was no doubt in Ziva’s mind that the situation had now escalated beyond her powers of mediation. “You called Gibbs?”

“Of course I did. He’s the only one that can fix this.”

“Abby, don’t you think McGee has earned the right to be senior field agent?” Ziva pressed.

“I don’t have a problem with him being a senior field agent; he just can’t be Gibbs’ senior field agent,” she countered.

“Why not?’

“Because.”

“That’s not a reason, Abby. What if the shooting had never happened and one day Tony decided to leave for a better job? Would you deny McGee the promotion?”

“That’s different. If Tony left, it would be his decision. It wouldn’t be anyone else’s decision and I would be fine with that. Right now, he has everyone making up his mind for him and that’s not right. It’s bad enough that he’s lost the use of his legs; I’m not letting anyone take anything else from him,” Abby vowed.

Ziva found herself speechless. Tony was truly a lucky man to have Abby and Gibbs in his corner; the three of them made a formidable team. “Abby, I…”

She was interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone. “David,” she answered, which was quickly followed by, “Yes, Director.”

Placing her phone back in her pocket, she met Abby’s cool gaze. “That was the Director,” Ziva informed her.

“What does she want?”

Ziva took another calming breath and blew it out. Her failed attempt at resolving the emotional upheaval between Abby and McGee had failed and now another player had been added to the mix. “Director Shepard wants me to keep you here. She’s on her way to see you.”



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Gibbs watched the flurry of activity buzzing around DiNozzo as the orderlies and nurses situated Tony in what was to temporarily become his new home. He waited patiently while Gretchen formally admitted the younger man, who was now sporting a wrist band and complaining of writer’s cramp from having to sign his admission and consent forms. All the while, DiNozzo had been joking with everyone within ear shot, but the team leader knew all too well that the younger man was hiding behind the mask of a clown. He was one of the few people who had ever been able to see behind the mask and Gibbs considered it to be both a privilege and a burden.

“Did ya hear that, Boss?” Tony’s voice broke through his reverie.

Putting on a smile, he moved to stand beside DiNozzo’s bedside. “What’s that, DiNozzo?”

“Remember Brad Pitt? Not the actor, but my doctor when I had the plague?”

“I remember.”

“Gretchen and Brad were dating the very year that I broke my leg. I told you about that game, right?’

“They’ll have to compare notes,” Gibbs teased. He was often amused by other’s reactions when they discovered that DiNozzo had suffered from the plague, and Gretchen was no exception. Tony had beaten the odds then and there wasn’t a doubt in Gibbs’ mind that he would be them again.

“You had the plague?” she questioned, disbelief etched in her graceful features.

“Yeah, about two and half years ago,” Tony answered.

“He almost died,” Gibbs quickly added.

“But I’m too tough.”

“I’m inclined to agree with that. You’re obviously a fighter,” the nurse stated. “I’m looking forward to seeing you use some of that strong will and positive attitude while you’re here.”

“You got it,” Tony agreed. “I’m the poster boy for a positive attitude.”

The confidence in Tony’s voice didn’t match the look of fear and apprehension in his eyes; Gibbs knew that DiNozzo needed a break from the attention that was being showered upon him. He watched as Tony laid his head back against the pillow and closed his eyes, purposefully shutting out the world around him.

Obviously, the staff had sensed DiNozzo’s discomfort as well and had wisely and efficiently dismissed themselves from Tony’s room. Gibbs watched as Gretchen patted Tony on the arm, assuring him that things would be all right. “I’m going to let you rest for a while, Tony,” she informed him. “If you need anything, the call button is right beside you.”

When Tony didn’t even acknowledge her, he knew that DiNozzo was truly struggling. Gibbs didn’t miss Gretchen’s concerned gaze as her eyes danced between him and her patient. With a curt nod, he silently communicated to her that he would make sure Tony was all right. He was grateful that the nurse didn’t seem to hold his previous comment against him and was willing to trust him with her patient. When he was finally alone with Tony, Gibbs sat down in the chair in the corner, prepared to give the young man the space that he seemed to crave.

“It’s too much,” Tony finally whispered as he met his steady gaze. “It’s too much to handle.”

“Just take it a day at a time, Tony,” the team leader urged.

“I don’t know about this, Gibbs. I can’t get my head around it.”

“No one expects you to have your head around it; no one expects you to be positive and upbeat all the time,” he insisted. “You’ve just had your life turned upside down and you’re trying to make everyone think that you’re all right with that and we both know that it’s not.”

“Thanks, Dr. Phil.”

Gibbs immediately knew that Tony was shutting down; there would be no more heart to hearts today. The team leader would concede for now, but he would be ready to listen whenever Tony was ready to talk. “I prefer Montel,” he replied.

“You just like Montel because he sends everyone to boot camp to solve their problems.”

“It works.”

“Guess it does. It’s probably cheaper than boarding school.”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“Trust me. I was told at the beginning of every school year just how much it was costing to send me away.”

He wasn’t expecting a glimpse into Tony’s past, but DiNozzo had surprised him yet again. Gibbs’ dislike for DiNozzo’s father seemed to grow with every passing second. “Did you…”

“You know, Gibbs. I’m kind of tired,” DiNozzo admitted. “I think I’m going to start reading this patient guidebook and maybe catch a little nap before lunch. You can go on and do whatever it is that you need to do. I’ll be fine.”

“It’s nothing that can’t wait.”

Tony shook his head. “I don’t believe that. I know that something’s got you worked up; go and deal with it. I’m kind of looking forward to some alone time.”

Knowing that after all the events of the day, Tony had certainly earned some time to himself. Gibbs rose from his seat and shook DiNozzo’s good hand. “All right. I’ll be back soon. Can I bring you anything?”

“Pizza?”

The team leader smiled at Tony; he should have expected that request sooner rather than later. “I’ll see what I can do.”

He headed towards the door, sparing a final glance over his shoulder at his senior field agent. Tony was staring out the window and Gibbs couldn’t help but wonder what was going through the young man’s mind. Hating the feeling of helplessness, the team leader found a new determination to do whatever he could do to help the man that was like a son to him and he knew exactly where to begin.

Gibbs entered the bullpen, purposefully ignoring those well meaning colleagues who wanted to know how Tony was doing; he answered most of them with a curt, “He’s holding his own,” and hoped that his reply would satisfy them, at least temporarily. Tony was well liked and it was a constant battle for Gibbs to keep other supervisors and agencies from luring DiNozzo away from his team. He was grateful that Tony had never entertained the thought of leaving; DiNozzo was the heart of his team and a team couldn’t live without its heart.

Perhaps that’s why McGee’s apparent eagerness to become his senior field agent left him riled and angry with the younger man for entertaining the idea. Tim was a good agent, but he wasn’t Tony and until he learned to listen to his instincts instead of a computer, he would never even begin to measure up to DiNozzo.

As he rounded the corner, he found himself stopping in front of Tony’s desk. Everything was in its place, waiting patiently for the return of their owner. He sat down in DiNozzo’s chair and opened the top desk drawer where he kept the former Marine’s medals that he had obtained over the years. Gibbs had never understood the younger man’s fascination with the awards; most of them had been given for some act of bravery when he had simply been doing his job.

His picked up the box that was lying on top, allowing his calloused fingers to dance over the ribbon and medal. He didn’t deserve these awards, but there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that his senior field agent deserved every one of these medals that he kept hidden in his desk drawer. Gibbs closed the case that held the precious medal and stuck it in his coat pocket; he would make sure he presented it to its rightful owner.

He stood up and headed over to his own desk, the fact that Ziva and McGee were not at their stations had not gone unnoticed. They were probably doing their best to avoid him and at the moment, that was probably a wise decision on their part.

“Jethro?”

Gibbs glanced up at the sound of the familiar voice of his old friend. “Hey, Duck,” he tiredly greeted. “What’s up?”

“I was just on my way out to take mother to her doctor’s appointment and I had to drop off something by Timothy’s desk, but obviously he’s not here.”

“No, he’s not.”

“I figured that you would still be with Anthony. Did he get settled into the rehab center?”

“Pretty much,” Gibbs replied, leaning back in his chair. “He’s resting and waiting for me to bring him back a pizza.”

“That sounds like our boy. Do you think he’s up for some company? Perhaps I can stop by after mother’s appointment,” the ME suggested.

“I’m sure he’d be glad to see you.”

The team leader knew by the awkward pause that Ducky was contemplating his next words. Because of their long friendship, Gibbs had a difficult time hiding his true feelings from the ME. “Is there something bothering you, Jethro?” the doctor gently probed.

Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose, the events of the last few days finally catching up to him. Blowing out a pent up breath, he tossed his pencil on his desk. “Did you know that the Director offered McGee the job of senior field agent?”

“No, I didn’t,” Ducky admitted, his expression now one of surprise. “Surely she realizes that Tony will be coming back.”

"Evidently not.”

“Well, just imagine the look on her face when Tony comes strolling back in…”

Gibbs’ eyes narrowed at the unintentional slip of the tongue. He was aware that Ducky would never say anything that could be construed as hurtful or demeaning, but the reality of Tony never ‘strolling’ into the bullpen was almost unbearable.

“I’m sorry, Jethro,” Ducky apologized. “I didn’t mean…”

The team leader waved off the older man’s apology. “I know, Duck. I know what you meant and you’re right about one thing; Tony will be back and he will come back as my senior field agent.”

“What about Timothy’s promotion?”

“What about it? If the Director wants to promote him, I can’t stop her; but he’s not going to be my senior field agent.”

“Jethro, maybe…”

He was aware that Ducky took pride in his role as a peacemaker but at the moment, Gibbs wasn’t ready to listen to the ME’s reasoning. The only words he was interested in hearing were the ones that would come out of Jenny’s mouth as she tried to offer a plausible reason for permanently benching DiNozzo. Rising from his desk, he began to make his way to the stairs that would take him to the Director’s office.

Ducky grabbed his arm in an effort to stop him but Gibbs easily pulled free. “Not now, Duck,” he warned.

“Jethro, please don’t do anything you’ll end up regretting.”

He didn’t acknowledge the ME’s advice, his attention was now focused on the two individuals that he had nearly bowled over. Any other time, he might have been remotely amused by the identical expressions of shock on McGee and Ziva’s faces, but now, seeing them only fueled his rage.

It was McGee who finally broke the awkward silence. “Boss, we didn’t expect you back so soon. We figured that you’d be busy with Tony and uh…”

“I had some things to take care of,” he growled.

“Anything we can help with?” Ziva asked.

Gibbs shook his head. “Nope.”

“How’s Tony doing?” McGee nervously inquired.

Not trusting his voice to answer McGee’s obvious attempt at deterring his wrath, Gibbs stepped around the two agents and resumed his trek up the stairs to Shepherd’s office. As he started up the stairs, McGee called out, “If you’re going to see the Director, she’s not in her office.”

Stopping in his tracks, he turned around and impatiently waited for McGee to finish informing him exactly where Jenny was. When no voluntary response came, he walked back down the stairs and stood toe to toe with McGee. “I assume you know where she’s at.”

“Uh, yeah Boss, she’s down in the lab talking to Abby.”

“About what?”

“I don’t know; she didn’t want us to stay.”

“I guess your new promotion wasn’t enough to wrangle an invitation,” he seethed.

Gibbs couldn’t help but feel a bit of satisfaction when McGee paled at his icy retort.

“Boss, I…uh…” McGee stammered.

“You got something to say, McGee?”

“Well, I…um…”

“That’s what I thought.”

Gibbs headed towards the lab; his purposeful stride was clearly reflecting the resentment he was feeling. He knew that he would have to eventually talk to McGee about his promotion, but he had more pressing matters to attend to; the team leader had to make sure that the Director understood that Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was still his senior field agent and would remain in that position until Tony choose to do something else with his life.

Walking into the lab, he saw Abby confronting Jenny. Determination was etched in both of their lovely features, neither woman backing down from what had obviously become a heated argument.

He cleared his throat as he approached Abby. “Is there a problem, Abs?”

“I’m not the one who has a problem,” she spat, her eyes sparkling with fury and the passion that came whenever Abby was defending someone she cared about.

“You want to tell me what’s going on?”

“I simply came here to…” Jenny began, taking the opportunity to defend her actions.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Gibbs snapped, turning his attention back to Abby.

With a satisfied smirk, the forensic scientist explained, “She was just informing me that I had no business informing you of Agent McGee’s promotion.”

“Really? I guess she wanted to reserve that honor for herself; she knows how much I like surprises. Isn’t that right, Jen?”

Jenny placed her hands on her hips. “Just who do you think you’re talking to?”

“I used to know, but lately, I’m not so sure.”

“Well, I’ll be more than happy to remind you. I’m the Director of NCIS and your boss,” she shot back. “And just for your information, I don’t care how pissed you are at me, I will not allow you to talk to me like I’m one of your suspects.”

Gibbs grabbed her by the arm and escorted her to the elevator. “Fine, we’ll continue this conversation in private.”

As soon as the doors closed, he smacked the emergency stop button and whirled around, forcing the Director to take a step back. This was going to be more than a private conversation; this was going to be a lesson in loyalty; Jenny Shepherd would soon understand that he never left a man behind and he certainly didn’t count him out because he could no longer walk.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Tony wondered how many more people were going to traipse in his room and introduce themselves as a member of his ‘team’; the people who were devoted to helping him learn how to live with his newfound disability seemed to increase every minute. He silently hoped that there wouldn’t be a pop quiz later because there was no way that he could remember all those names.

Gretchen and a couple of aides had come in and sat him in a chair next to the window. She had insisted that he needed to start spending time out of bed and start getting some of his strength back. Everyone seemed to have their own idea what was best for him; maybe one day someone would ask him what he wanted but until then, he would have to play their games.

A knock at his door interrupted his thoughts. He dreaded meeting another member of his so called team, but at the moment, he didn’t have much choice as to who came in his room; although it would be nice to see a friendly face. “Come in,” he sighed.

“Is this a bad time?”

Tony smiled at the familiar, cultured voice of Ducky. A genuine smile spread across his face as he motioned with his good arm for the congenial physician to join him. “Come on in, Ducky; I just figured that it was someone else.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, my boy,” Ducky apologized. “I can come back later.”

“No!” he exclaimed a bit too quickly. “It’s just been a regular parade of PhD’s through here and I just figured you were another one. Well, actually you are another one, but you’re different. I mean…”

“I know what you mean, Anthony,” the ME assured him.

“I’m glad, Duck. Maybe one day you can explain it to me.”

“Explain what?”

Tony shook his head. “You can’t pay attention to anything I say right now, Duck; I just got a dose of pain medicine. Maybe that’s why I can’t remember crap right now.”

The Scotsman laughed as he pulled up another chair beside Tony and patted him on the knee. Tony ignored the gesture and the fact that he couldn’t feel the well-meaning touch of encouragement. “So, how are you, Ducky?” he asked, purposefully changing the subject.

“I’m fine. Thank you for asking,” the older man replied. “I was supposed to take mother to the doctor but her appointment was changed, so I thought I’d come by and see you.”

“I appreciate that Ducky. I really do.”

“Have you managed to get settled in your new abode?”

“I guess. Gibbs was going to bring me some more of my stuff and a pizza when he comes back; so I ought to be set.”

“Ah, yes. Well, he may be detained for a while; he had some things to take care of.”

“Yeah, I figured as much. I could tell he was kind of bugged about something, but he never would tell me what was bothering him. I uh…have a feeling that something’s going on at work.”

“I’m not sure of the details, but I’m sure that you have nothing to worry about.”

“That’s easier said than done. Not only do I have to learn to live in a wheelchair but I may not even have a job to come back to; I have a feeling that the Director will finally be able to get rid of me.”

Tony knew better than anyone how Jenny Shepherd thought and ever since the Frog had slipped through her fingers, he had lost his usefulness as her personal secret agent. He knew that she had simply been looking for a reason to get rid of him and now, she had the perfect opportunity.

“Jethro will never let that happen,” Ducky pointed out.

“It may be out of his hands anyway. With the exception of Gibbs, no one else has even hinted at the possibility of me being able to return to work at NCIS; we’re just going to have to wait and see.”

Ducky leaned forward and placed his hand on top of Tony’s and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Don’t lose faith, Tony. Whatever happens, don’t lose faith in Gibbs, but more importantly, don’t lose faith in yourself.”

“I’m trying, Ducky.”

“I know you are. Just remember that I’m here for you if you need me.”

“I appreciate that.”

Tony grinned at the ME. Ducky always seemed to know exactly what he needed to hear; he greatly respected the physician and his words of wisdom. He nodded his silent agreement as Ducky sat back in his chair and made himself comfortable.

“Tell me about all the visitors you’ve had today,” Ducky insisted, his interest genuine.

“Well let’s see,” he began. “First there’s my doctor; his name was Dr. Gibson and he gave me the whole ‘I’m running my own tests to determine the extent of your injury’ spiel. He seems pretty straight forward, which I like. I’d rather know exactly where I stand, no pun intended.”

Ducky failed to see the humor at his meager attempt at a joke prompting Tony continue in order to prevent any further awkwardness. “Then I met the guy who’s going to torture me while I’m here; my physical therapist looks like a retired linebacker from the Redskins. He’s all pumped up to get me started on some kind of exercise regime to build up my upper body and keep my legs from atro…what’s the word?”

“Atrophying?”

Tony nodded. “That’s it. Anyway, he’s a real go get ‘em kind of guy. Kind of like McGee on steroids.”

“Now, that’s a scary thought,” Ducky teased.

“Tell me about it. Anyway, I have a personal dietician who will tell me what I can and can’t eat to keep myself regular; I think her name was Gloria. She was pretty nice but I’m really going to have to hide that pizza Gibbs is bringing me later on.”

“Well, she is right about having to following a stricter diet. Your ability to control certain bodily functions are now impaired and you…”

“Ducky, I really don’t want to hear that lecture again. I’ve heard more about my digestive system in the last two hours than I did in anatomy class at college.” His tone was a bit sharper than he had intended but he still wasn’t ready to accept all the changes that he was going to have to make.

“My apologies, Anthony.”

“I’m sorry, Ducky. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“I think that you are showing a remarkable amount of restraint regarding your emotions. Your being very Gibbs like.”

“I don’t know about that.”

Tony shrugged, momentarily forgetting about his injured shoulder. “Crap. Gotta remember not to do that.”

“Maybe they can give you something else for pain? Something to kind of hold you over between the scheduled doses,” the ME suggested.

“I don’t know. They’re pretty strict. Besides, I’m all right as long as I don’t do any sudden movement.”

“Maybe I should let you rest.”

A sense of panic crept over him at the thought of being alone again. He was becoming convinced that he was losing his mind; one minute he was angry at the world and wanted to be left alone and the next minute, he was scared of being left alone in this place. There would no doubt be a constant bombardment of medical personnel, but right now, he needed a friend. Tony clenched the arm of the chair. “No! I mean, it’s okay; you don’t have to leave.”

“Are you sure?’

He tiredly grinned at the kind, elderly man. “I’m just…I don’t know. I’m surrounded by people but I just don’t want to…”

“I think I understand.” Ducky patted his knee. “Now, you were telling me about Gloria.”

“Actually, I’m pretty much done with Gloria,” Tony recalled. “Have I told you about Gretchen?”

“No, I don’t think you have.”

Tony’s smile reached his eyes. Ducky seemed to understand exactly what he was trying to say without forcing him to admit his weakness. That was one of the things that he admired about the physician; he truly understood what people needed and right now, Tony DiNozzo needed someone to sit and listen to his nonsensical rambling.

“Well Ducky, Gretchen is my nurse and let me tell you, she’s pretty hot…”

It was almost inconceivable how someone could feel so alone in a facility streaming with people, but that was exactly how Tony DiNozzo felt at this very moment. The hustle and bustle outside his room as the staff went up and down the hallway did very little to assuage the sense of loneliness that was now consuming him; he wished that Ducky had been able to stay longer but Tony knew that the ME had to go home and tend to his mother. He had enjoyed the kind hearted physician’s company, but asking Ducky to stay would not only have been an inconvenience for the older man but an act of selfishishness on his part.

Time seemed to crawl and with every second that passed by, Tony seemed to sink further and further into the pit of self deprecation. He was aware of the fact that he needed to keep a positive outlook regarding his recovery but reality had a way of bringing negativity to the forefront.

Glancing up at the clock on the wall, he mentally calculated that he had been at the rehabilitation center for almost six hours. “I hope the rest of the days don’t go by as slow as this one,” he mumbled.

“Talking to yourself already? Usually it takes most patients a couple of weeks before they do that.”

Tony looked up to discover a woman who looked to be in her late thirties standing in his doorway holding what he assumed was his chart in her hands; her dark hair was pulled back into a pony tail and her chocolate eyes seemed to be able to look into his soul. He quickly slipped his mask back in place, hoping that she would ignore his blatant attempt to hide his true emotions.

“I figured that I would get a head start. I’ve always been an overachiever,” Tony quipped.

“I can tell.”

His gaze followed the woman as she entered his room and approached his bed. There was an air of confident beauty about her that Tony found both appealing and disconcerting; the uncertainty of her purpose made him wary and he was inclined to keep his feelings guarded until he learned the true nature of her visit. Ordinarily he would have been able to perform a song and dance number on her worthy of an Oscar, but he had a feeling that she had probably already heard the tune before.

She extended her hand and introduced herself to him. “I’m Dr. Claire Williams; I’m the…”

“You’re the shrink,” he stated as he took her hand.

“That would be me.”

“Let me guess; you’re yet another member of my team.”

Claire laughed as she sat down in the chair beside his bed. “Let me guess; you’ve had a parade of people marching in and out of here, each one telling you something different and expecting you to jump on the bandwagon with them.”

“That’s one way of looking at it,” Tony sighed.

“You’ve got the best team around; they all know their stuff.”

“That’s comforting.”

Watching the doctor study his chart made him feel like a teenager awaiting his father’s approval or more accurately the indication of the level of disappointment the older man was going to exhibit after he brought home his report card. He hated feeling like his life was under the microscope, especially when those examining it were total strangers.

Tony cleared his throat. “Anything interesting in there?”

“Just finishing catching up on your history,” she answered. “You were shot in the line of duty?”

“You asking or telling?”

“Asking.”

He nodded towards the chart. “It’s right there in black and white.”

“I’d like to hear it from you, Agent DiNozzo.”

“Tony,” he quickly corrected. “You can call me Tony.”

“All right, Tony,” Claire conceded as she closed the chart.

Tony breathed a sigh of relief when he realized that she was not going to delve into his psyche, at least not at the moment. He visibly relaxed and graced her with one of his infamous smiles. “So, what do you want me to call you?”

“Claire will be fine,” she replied, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“So Claire, how many times a week are we going to be seeing each other?”

“I’ll determine that after your initial evaluation tomorrow.”

“So, if I pass with flying colors, do I get to ask you to dinner?” he purposefully teased in an effort to dispel the hidden tension in the room.

“You can’t even answer a simple yes or no question,” Claire pointed out. “Do you actually think you’ll pass with flying colors?”

Tony bit back a sharp retort, his defensive walls quickly erecting themselves once again around his warring emotions. “Yes, I was shot in the line of duty,” he admitted, anger now emanating from his expressive orbs.

Claire smiled at the display of emotion. “Am I sensing a little anger?”

“Nope,” Tony answered, his jaw tightly clenched. “You’re probably sensing a lot of anger.”

“Why?’

“Why what?”

“Why are you angry?”

“I think we’re done here.”

Claire nodded as she stood up. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Tony. Until then, I have an assignment for you. I want you to make a list of things that make you angry.”

“Manipulative shrinks will be right at the top of that list,” Tony growled.

“I would be disappointed if I wasn’t,” she shot back, clearly undeterred by his open hostility. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Tony glared at the doctor as she left his room, obviously pleased with her performance. He couldn’t believe that he had allowed himself to be so easily manipulated by the psychiatrist; Tony usually had the department shrink eating out of his hand but this woman was different. She had seen through his charade and called his bluff, causing him to wonder if he was beginning to lose his touch.

Another tentative knock interrupted his private chastisement; he was beginning to consider the possibilities of putting in a revolving door outside his room. Tony scrubbed his face with his good hand, the stubble of his beard reminding him that he hadn’t shaved in a couple of days. “Come in,” he sighed, his voice laced with fatigue and irritation.

“Is this a bad time?"

He looked up to see McGee standing in his doorway. The last time that McGee had come to see him, he was still in ICU and wasn’t really aware of their presence. Tony hadn’t seen McGee since then and had chalked Tim’s avoidance up to the fact that the team was shorthanded and were putting in extra time; at least that’s what he had told himself in order to keep his thoughts from assuming the worst.

“McGee! Come on in!” Tony motioned Tim to come into the room.

“Are you sure this is a good time?” McGee nervously inquired. “I can come back later.”

“No, I’m glad to see a friendly face!”

“I was just on my way home from work,” Tim began to explain, “and I thought I would drop by and see how you’re doing.”

“I’m doing okay,” he replied, knowing that McGee more than likely didn’t want to hear about the problems that he was going to face. “The first day’s been kind of hectic. I’ve met so many people, I’ll never remember all their names and I’ve had a couple of visitors. Gibbs was here and then Ducky swung by for a while.”

“I would have come by sooner, but with the IA investigation and work…”

“You were busy; it’s all right.”

He gestured towards the empty chair beside his bed. “Sit down,” Tony insisted. “Tell me what all’s been going on. Until I get back, you’re my eyes and ears, McGee.” He wasn’t sure why he was even talking about returning to work; that dream was more than likely out of his reach now.

It didn’t escape DiNozzo’s notice that McGee had yet to look him directly in the eye. Something was definitely disturbing the agent and Tony had a feeling that whatever it was that was making Tim so edgy, more than likely, McGee’s nervousness had something to do with him and his new found disability.

“You okay, McGee?” he pressed, uncertain if he wanted to hear the answer. The little voice in his head was telling that him that he needed to prepare for whatever storm that McGee was getting ready to unleash.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Tony,” Tim answered as he sat down. “I um…just don’t…um…”

“Spit it out, McGoo.”

“I need to talk to you about something,” McGee blurted out. “It’s something that you need to know because you’re my friend; I thought that you should hear this from me rather than the rumor mill.”

Tony swallowed hard. He had a feeling that he wasn’t going to like what McGee had to say and that whatever announcement Tim had to make was going to provide him with yet another life changing experience; one that he wasn’t sure that he could handle. Blowing out a pent up breath, Tony mentally braced himself for McGee’s next words. “All right, McGee; let’s have it.”


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



The semi darkness of the elevator did little to conceal the rage burning in the eyes of its occupants. Leroy Jethro Gibbs’ piercing gaze was matched by Jenny Shepherd’s lethal stare, each refusing to back down from the fight that was about to ensue. The team leader was not about to permit her to take away the one thing that Tony still had to hold on to; he still possessed the ability to do his job as Gibbs’ senior field agent and he was not going to let anyone take that opportunity away from him.

“You have a lot of nerve,” Jenny snarled.

“I could say the same for you,” he seethed.

“What do you mean by that?”

Gibbs took a menacing step towards his former lover. “Don’t insult either one of us by playing dumb, Jenny. You know exactly what I mean. You undermined my authority as team leader and offered McGee a promotion to senior field agent.”

“In case you’ve forgotten, you aren’t the Director of NCIS; I am. It is my responsibility to ensure that operations flow smoothly and…”

“Cut the crap, Jen!” the former Marine barked. “You’ve been waiting for this chance; maybe you look on it as justice served since Tony didn’t hand over La Grenouille on a silver platter. Whatever your reasoning, I’m not going to let you do this to Tony.”

“La Grenouille is water under the bridge and my decision has nothing to do with the past.”

“Then please explain to me why you insist handing Tony’s job over to McGee. DiNozzo hasn’t offered his resignation and is still more than able to do his job.”

Jenny crossed her arms as if daring him to edge any closer. “What kind of dream world are you living in, Jethro? How can Tony adequately do his job when he can’t go in the field?”

“He still has his mind,” Gibbs angrily countered. “His instincts are the best I’ve ever seen; his ability to see the big picture is uncanny and his devotion to the job is something to which no one can hold a candle to, including McGee.”

“Jethro, how long will it be before Tony returns to work?” she wanted to know.

“I don’t know.”

“A couple of weeks?”

“You know good and well that it’s going to be longer than that,” he hissed.

“A couple of months?”

“Possibly.”

“That’s very optimistic thinking, but unrealistic. Tony will be fortunate if he’s back to work within four or five months and I can’t have his position vacant for that long. McGee is the obvious choice; he’s next in line and he did an admirable job during DiNozzo’s stint as team leader; you remember that time, don’t you? You were on your little Mexican siesta,” Jenny reminded him.

Gibbs’ fist hit the wall, impacting mere centimeters from Jenny’s head. The rage coursing through him could no longer be contained; she was attempting to use his past to justify her decision to promote McGee and he couldn’t allow that to happen.

There wasn’t a doubt that Tony had been a great leader and McGee had done an adequate job in the role of senior field agent, but McGee had never had Tony’s back like DiNozzo always had his. Tony had never said anything after his return, but he knew that both McGee and Ziva had not always given him the support that DiNozzo had needed, questioning his authority when they should have been following his orders.

He braced his arms against the wall, effectively trapping Jenny against the wall. “You listen to me,” he gruffly demanded. “Until Tony makes the decision on what he wants to do with his life, he will remain my senior field agent; I’m not going to let you ruin his life again.”

“You’re not going to let me ruin his life? I’m not the one who shot him,” Jenny insisted, her usually sultry voice dripping with venom. “I don’t care what the IA report says, we both know that you were so obsessed with finding that girl that your judgment was deeply affected and you messed up! You shot Tony and now he’s paralyzed and you have no one but yourself to blame if he can no longer serve as your senior field agent!”

“How dare you!” Gibbs exclaimed. “How dare you try and throw this back on me! I’m going to have to live with what happened and every time I see Tony, I’m reminded of the fact that there are still fragments from my bullets in his spine! I know I’m responsible and that’s something that both Tony and I are learning to accept; you are not going to guilt me into seeing things your way!”

“You have no input in my decisions, Agent Gibbs. Agent McGee will be your new senior field agent; if Agent DiNozzo can return to work, we will find something suitable for him.”

“He doesn’t need your charity; he has a job.”

“You’re not listening to what I’m saying, Jethro. Agent McGee has been offered the position of senior field agent and I have a strong feeling that he’s going to take it. You might as well get used to the idea because this is how it’s going to be.”

Gibbs shook his head. “If you want to promote him, that’s your business; I hear Mitchell is looking for a senior field agent.”

“Let’s say that Tony doesn’t want to come back, then would you have a problem with McGee filling the position?”

“Yes,” he answered without hesitation.

The team leader knew that his reply had surprised the Director, but he honestly wasn’t sure that McGee would ever be able to be his senior field agent.

“You haven’t even given him a chance,” Jenny attempted to rationalize.

“He wouldn’t stand a chance.”

“Because you’re being narrow minded and stubborn! Change is inevitable, Jethro; you’re going to have to learn to accept it.”

“McGee is not ready,” he repeated.

“I think he is. McGee is a good agent.”

“I’m not disputing that; he’s just not ready to take on the role of my senior field agent on a full time basis.”

“I think he is.”

“Don’t try and get into a pissing contest with me, Jen. You’ll lose every time.” Gibbs hit the switch to start the elevator. “I’m putting in my leave slip for the next couple of weeks or however long it takes for Tony to get settled.”

“You’ve just been cleared by IA and you’re taking off again?”

“I told you I would be.”

"Your team is short handed as it is.”

“I wasn’t asking permission. I’ve got more than enough leave to cover my absence. Besides, you think McGee’s ready; let him prove it.”

“McGee and Ziva can’t…”

“Tony and I used to work cases by ourselves and we had a 100% solve rate. Are you saying McGee couldn’t handle that kind of pressure?”

Jenny hit the switch to stop the elevator once again. “That’s not what I’m saying, Jethro; you’re being a total ass about this whole thing.”

He threw his hands up in disgust. “What makes you say that, Jen? Because I’m not ready to give up on a man who has had my back since the first day that I met him? Because I wasn’t even consulted about this so called promotion? I would think that before you offered someone a promotion that you would get a recommendation from his supervisor!”

His hardened gaze was relentless as he continued his tirade. “McGee still has a lot to learn; he kind of reminds me of my former partner when I was in Paris. I want Tony to have something to come back to; he deserves to know that he has the support of the agency and his team! Why is that too much to expect?

“If I have to Jen, I’ll go over your head on this. I have a feeling that SecNav wouldn’t mind being enlightened about a few things.”

“Are you actually trying to blackmail me?”

“Nah. Just giving you something to think about. I’m not going to let this go,” he vowed. “By the way, Abby did the right thing by telling me, so leave her alone. I’ll know if you’re bothering her.”

Gibbs was tired of hearing her excuses and attempts at placating him. Restarting the elevator once last time, he refused to look at the Director, wondering when she had become so bitter and cold hearted. He was known as a hard man and he knew that at times, many considered him to be uncaring, but those that knew him was aware that he had many layers and only those few had the privilege of knowing the real Jethro Gibbs.

That was probably why he could relate to Tony so well; they both let people see what they wanted them to see. He also knew that if their situations were reversed, Tony would be battling with the Devil himself to defend Gibbs’ honor and his job.

The door opened and he exited, brushing past several curious onlookers who had been waiting for the elevator. He was grateful that Jenny didn’t try to follow him; Gibbs wasn’t sure that he could be responsible for his actions should one more word come out of her mouth.

He sat down at his desk, his gaze coming to rest on Tony’s desk. Gibbs sensed Ziva’s presence, her gaze fixed upon his stoic features. “Do you need something, Ziva?” he quietly asked.

“No, I was just getting ready to head home and I saw you get off the elevator; you seem upset.”

“Do ya think?”

“Gibbs, I know that you are upset by everything…”

The former Marine shook his head. “No, Ziva,” he sighed. “I don’t think you have a clue.” Refusing to offer any further explanation, he abruptly changed the subject. “Where’s McGee?”

“He’s already gone for the day. He was going to stop by and see Tony for a few minutes and…”

He stood up, pushing his seat against the back wall of his cubicle. “He’s what?”

“He’s going to see Tony and…”

“Crap!”

Grabbing his keys, Gibbs jogged to the stairwell and down the stairs, quickly making his way to his car. Surely McGee wouldn’t tell Tony that he’d been offered a promotion; but then again, Tim more than likely thought he would be doing DiNozzo a favor by telling him so that Tony didn’t hear it second hand. Unfortunately, McGee’s timing left a lot to be desired and now, DiNozzo would have one more thing that he was going to have to deal with. Gibbs couldn’t help but wonder how much more Tony was expected to take.

No matter how much he tried to mentally prepare himself for whatever McGee had to say, he couldn’t help dread the words that were fixing to come out of the younger man’s mouth. Various scenarios played through his mind, each of them leaving with the feeling that he was about to once again have his world come crashing down around him; he wasn’t sure that he could keep picking up the pieces only to have them scattered once again.

A brief flicker of sadness crept over Tony’s features as he realized that Tim’s visit had nothing to do with shooting the breeze with an old friend, but his purpose in coming to the center was completely work related. His newly acquired disability had already taken away so much from him and now it was apparently claiming his friends as well.

McGee had yet to say a word and the awkward silence was unnerving him. It had been a long time since he had seen Tim display such uncertainty and reluctance and Tony was disturbed by McGee’s sudden inability to speak. “Spit it out, McGee,” he quietly urged. “I mean I have all day, but I’m sure you don’t; so lead on, McDuff.”

McGee nervously cleared his throat. “I rehearsed what I was going to say all the way over here and now that I’m here, it’s not as easy as I thought it would be,” Tim attempted to reason. “It’s really not that important; just forget about it.”

“You’re here,” Tony pointed out. “You might as well go ahead and say what you came to say.”

“Now’s not a good time.”

“Why not?”

“Well, you’re…um…”

“Paralyzed? That’s not going to change, McGee.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what do you mean?”

“Tony, I’m sorry,” McGee sighed. “I should have waited to come by after you’ve had a day or two to settle in.”

“And why is that?”

“It’s just that you’re probably worn out from the stress of the move and I know it’s been a long day…”

“No, Tim; I don’t think you do know.”

“I’ll just come back later,” McGee decided.

The frustration that Tony was feeling was quickly feeding into the anger that had been boiling beneath the surface of his warring emotions. Ever since the shooting, he had struggled to keep his feelings in check and he had failed miserably. His temper was like a smoldering ember that was ready to burst into a raging inferno with the least bit of provocation; unfortunately for McGee, he was about to experience his blazing wrath first hand.

“McGee!” he barked, his voice gruff and demanding. “Just tell me!”

“But Tony, I think that maybe…”

“Who asked you to think, McGee? You came here for a reason and it wasn’t to check on my well being. So why are you here?”

He saw Tim visibly bristle at his remark and Tony quickly realized that he had struck a nerve with the young agent; McGee was definitely avoiding telling him the real motive behind his visit.

“That’s not fair, Tony,” McGee countered. “Of course I’m interested in how you’re doing; I told you that I would have been by sooner but work has been kind of hectic and…”

“And you couldn’t spare a few minutes to come by the hospital,” Tony finished.

“IA was…”

“IA has been done with their investigation for a couple of days.”

“Do you think that you could let me finish a sentence?”

There was no mistaking the exasperation in McGee’s voice, but Tony refused to back down. He had been purposefully taunting the younger agent in hopes of forcing him to tell the truth as to why he was here and what it was he wanted to say.

“Do you think you can form one that will sound intelligent and informative?” he shot back.

Tony noticed the way that McGee was clenching his jaw; it silently thrilled him that Tim was now experiencing some of the anger that he had been consuming him the last few minutes. “I was trying to spare your feelings,” Tim attempted to reason.

“You weren’t too worried about them when you first walked in the room and said that you had something you wanted to tell me,” Tony pointed out. “Now, all of a sudden you’re making excuses all under the guise of sparing my feelings. Well do me a favor, McGee; don’t worry about my feelings because I’ve learned not to wear them on my sleeve.”

“Fine,” McGee snapped as he hastily stood and moved to the the foot of Tony’s bed. “Director Shepard has offered me the position of senior field agent.”

He was confused by McGee’s revelation. Why should Tim’s promotion upset him? Given the tutelage of the right team leader, McGee would flourish; he had always known that his ‘probie’ would one day want to spread his wings and he would do so with his blessing.

“McGee, that’s great!” Tony exclaimed. “Why were you so nervous about telling me that? Whose team are you moving to?”

The knot in his gut pulled tighter as Tim’s silence provided Tony with the answer that he should have but never expected to hear. “Wait a minute; Shepard promoted you to my position?”

“Um…yeah. I…uh…”

“Is Gibbs still the team leader?”

“Yes, but…”

“And he knows about this?”

“He does now. When I left he was on his way to talk to the Director.”

“I’m sure he’ll straighten it out,” he mumbled to himself.

“Tony, I’m pretty sure the Director has made up her mind.”

“But Gibbs hasn’t and Director Shepard doesn’t tell Gibbs what to do with his team.”

Tony’s laughter was forced as he tried to process what McGee’s announcement meant to his future; surely, he hadn’t been discarded by the wayside so easily by the agency that he had given the last seven years of his life to. “Besides, it’s not like you’re even considering accepting it. I mean, that’s crazy; right?”

The fact that McGee could no longer look him in the eye didn’t escape his notice. “Right, McGee?”

Again, his inquiry was met with silence. Tony blew out a pent up breath. “Wow. I guess I know now why you were acting so…McGeeish.”

“Tony, I just wanted you to hear it from me but when I got here, I realized that it wasn’t a good time.”

“I’m not sure there would have ever been a good time, McGee.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

He met Tim’s concerned gaze with his own steely glare. “Are you going to accept the promotion?”

“I uh…I want to,” Tim admitted. “I think I’m ready.”

“You think you’re ready to be Gibbs’ senior field agent?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Have at it, man.”

Judging by the surprised expression on McGee’s face, he had not received the reaction that he had been expecting. “Are you serious? You’re okay with me taking over your job?”

Tony’s eyes narrowed, disbelief and rage shooting daggers at the younger man. “Seriously? Are you seriously asking me that question?”

“But you just said to have at it and I assumed that meant that you’re…but obviously you’re not.”

“Do ya think, McGee?”

“I just figured that you would be more comfortable knowing that I had Gibbs’ back since it’ll be a while before you come back to work.”

“Why should I come back? I apparently won’t have a job to come back to.”

“Director Shepard promised that you would still have a job and…”

“But it won’t be my job because you’re going to be doing my job.” Tony reminded him, not bothering to hide the anger and contempt he was experiencing.

“Tony, please don’t be angry. I knew this was a bad idea,” McGee muttered to himself. “I’m ready for this, Tony; I know I am.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose in a futile effort to ward off the impending headache that was making its presence known. “What do you want from me, McGee?”

“I want you to be okay with all this.”

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not okay with it.”

Tony felt as if a knife had been plunged into his heart and with every word McGee spoke, the blade was being thrust deeper and deeper until he no longer cared if he lived or died.

“Tony, just listen to me; I can do this.”

“This isn’t about you, McGee! Why do you think that this is about you? You don’t get it!”

“But…”

“Get out,” Tony growled. He needed to think but it was a difficult feat to accomplish with McGee constantly attempting to tell him how ready he was to take on the responsibilities of a senior field agent. The only consolation that he could walk away with was that Gibbs would more than likely make Tim’s life miserable when he assumed that role.

“I can’t leave when things are so strained between us,” Tim reasoned.

“Did you not hear me the first time? Has your promotion affected your hearing? Get out!” he roared, not caring who heard him as they passed by his room. “I may not be able to kick your ass out of here but this is my room and I can have you physically removed if I want to. It’s your choice; walk or be carried.”

“I suggest you walk, McGee; it’s a lot less humiliating.”

Both men glanced up to see Gibbs standing in the doorway. Tony simply shook his head in defeat and stared out the window once again. His emotions had literally been on a roller coaster all day and he wanted off this ride before the car he was riding in derailed.

He would let Gibbs handle McGee; Tony had said too much already. Why couldn’t he just have wished McGee good luck and put it behind him? Maybe because the hope that he was going to be able to return to work was all that he had been clinging to in an effort to psyche himself up for rehabilitation and now that dream had been shattered.

“Boss,” McGee nervously greeted. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough to know that Tony asked you to leave,” Gibbs answered. “Twice.”

“Boss, I didn’t mean…”

“We’ll talk later, McGee.”

“I can do the job, Boss. Just give me a chance.”

“I said we’d talk later, McGee.”

“Right,” McGee conceded. Making his way towards the door, he turned to acknowledge Tony. “I’m sorry, Tony.”

Tony continued to gaze out the window, purposefully ignoring McGee’s empty apology. He couldn’t blame McGee for wanting to be Gibbs’ senior field agent but at the same time, Tony couldn’t dismiss the feeling that Tim and the Director were undermining his efforts to reclaim his life.

He heard the door close but he knew that he wasn’t alone. There was no mistaking the determined footsteps of the team leader as he walked across the room and sat in the empty chair beside his bed. He should have known that Gibbs wouldn’t leave him alone so he could sulk in private; Tony hoped that the older man didn’t expect him to be very good company.

“You okay?” Gibbs asked, his usual gruffness replaced with quiet concern.

“I’m fine,” he lied, hoping that the team leader would understand that he wasn’t in the mood to talk.

“Really?”

Tony shook his head. “Nope, but I’ll deal with it.”

“Tony, you don’t…”

“Gibbs, don’t patronize me by telling me that I don’t have to deal with this alone because when it comes down to it, I don’t have a choice but to handle this myself; nobody can do it for me.”

“You’re right,” Gibbs agreed. “Nobody can do it for you, but you gotta remember that you’ve got a lot of people in your corner.”

“Like McGee and Director Shepard? What’s the old saying? With friends like that, who needs enemies?”

He knew that he probably sounded like a petulant child but at the moment, he didn’t care. Tony had been so concerned about keeping up appearances in front of everyone that he had been consistently pushing his own feelings and anxieties to the background; it was past time for a little self pity and thankfully Gibbs seemed to be willing to allow him to indulge in a little self abhorrence.

Tony sighed in frustration. “Never in a million years would I have thought that McGee would pull the rug out from under me like that.”

“It kind of surprised me too,” Gibbs admitted. “Of course, he had a little help.”

“I guess the Director is finally getting me back for screwing up her personal vendetta against La Grenouille and she’s using McGee to do it.”

“Seems that way.”

“I guess I thought that he’d always have my back; although I should’ve known better. He never really got used to me being the team leader when you were on your hiatus, I mean your sabbatical, I mean…”

“Stop while you’re ahead, DiNozzo.” Gibbs leaned forward in his chair. “Are you saying that McGee challenged your authority as team leader?”

“Sometimes, but he always came through in the end.”

“You never wrote him up?”

“No; it really didn’t serve any purpose especially after you came back and…”

“And took the team back?” Gibbs reluctantly finished.

“Yeah. But it was no big deal; I was glad you were back, although I wasn’t sure how stable you were.”

“Is that why you didn’t take the promotion?”

Tony closed his eyes hoping that Gibbs would take the hint that he didn’t like the direction in which the conversation had digressed. He didn’t like thinking about the past and second-guessing himself but ever since the shooting, he had done nothing but think about the ‘what ifs’ in his life.

What if he had died from his bout with pneumonic plague? What if things had turned out differently the time he had been accused of murder and had ended up spending his life in jail? What if he had taken that promotion? What if he had chosen Jeanne over NCIS? What if he had taken the time to put on his vest? There were too many what ifs in his life and rehashing them in his mind never changed the outcomes.

When he finally mustered the desire to speak, his voice was dripping with fatigue and his eyes bore a weariness that aged him several years. “Gibbs, I’m kind of tired. It’s been a…long day.”

“I’m sure it has. You’ve had a lot dumped on you today.”

“That’s a bit of an understatement.”

“Just for the record; I told the Director that McGee wasn’t ready to be my senior field agent and that as far as I was concerned, that position was still filled by you.”

“I bet she loved that.”

A mischievous grin escaped from Gibbs’ lips. “I’m not sure what she liked more; the fact that I said that you were still my senior field agent or the fact I told her I was taking off a few weeks.”

Puzzled, Tony asked, “You going somewhere, Boss?”

Gibbs shook his head. “Nope. I told you when this first happened that I was going to be by your side and I meant it. You’ve always had my six and I…”

Tony visibly bristled. “I’ve already told you that I don’t need your guilt and I don’t need a round the clock babysitter; I’m a big boy and I can take care of myself.”

“Whether you want to admit it or not, you’re going to need help. There’s nothing wrong in needing help.”

“I’m used to doing things on my own. I have been for a long time.”

“I’m not your father.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Tony scoffed. “I don’t want you to stay out of guilt or pity, Gibbs.”

“You know me better than that.”

A knock on the door prevented Tony from having to answer the team leader. He knew the team leader, perhaps a little better than the other man realized; Gibbs would stay by his side and take whatever abuse that he heaped on him because the former Marine was still trying to ease his troubled conscience.

“Am I interrupting anything?” a familiar voice called out as the door opened.

“Great,” Tony mumbled under his breath. “I thought I got rid of her.”

“Who?’ Gibbs asked.

“Jethro Gibbs, meet Dr. Claire Williams; my shrink.”

Tony watched with feigned interest as Claire extended her hand to Gibbs. “It’s nice to meet you.” She quickly glanced at the file in her hand. “You’re Agent DiNozzo’s boss; am I correct?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Good. I’ll need to speak to you as well.” She turned her attention back to Tony. “One of the nurses paged me and told me that you were obviously upset; you were apparently screaming at one of your visitors.”

“Everything’s fine now,” Tony assured her. “It was a misunderstanding.”

“Do you always play the role of peacekeeper?”

Tony felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment. The last thing he wanted was this woman trying to air his psychiatric issues in front of Gibbs. “Maybe we can discuss this in my evaluation tomorrow,” he suggested, his tone tight and controlled.

“I’m sure we will. Do you need anything to help you relax? I can prescribe something…”

“No thanks. I’m good.” The last thing that Tony wanted was something that would force him to give up what little control he had in his life.

“Until tomorrow then,” she stated as she headed out of his room. “Agent Gibbs, may I have a word with you?”

“Be careful, Boss. She’s a tricky one,” Tony informed him.

“I’ll be right back,” Gibbs vowed.

“I’ll be right here.”

Where else was he going to go? He had only been at the rehab center for a day and he was already regretting his decision to stay. Tony was facing a difficult road and it seemed like fate was doing its best to work against him. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that life would have been much easier if he had died.

Gibbs wasn’t sure exactly what he thought of Dr. Claire Williams but he had decided to reserve his judgment until he heard what she had to say. As a rule, he didn’t trust psychiatrists; he merely tolerated them when necessary and right now was apparently one of those times that he would have to curb his natural gut reaction of dislike and distrust.

He followed her down the corridor until they were out of earshot of Tony’s room. The team leader had easily sensed DiNozzo’s discomfort around the doctor; they had obviously exchanged words and now Tony was guarded and Gibbs knew that Dr. Williams was going to have a difficult time breaking through the barrier that Tony had erected around his private thoughts and emotions. He and DiNozzo both kept their feelings close to the vest, neither one welcoming any outsider to delve into their psyche; there were too many demons vying for control and they didn’t need anyone else in the fray of the battle.

Leaning against the wall, he waited impatiently as the psychiatrist took yet another glance at Tony’s chart. After a few minutes, she clutched the record to her chest and met his piercing orbs with her own determined gaze. Gibbs had a feeling that he was about to receive a dressing down that would put his old drill instructor to shame.

“I appreciate you taking the time to talk with me, Agent Gibbs,” the physician began. “I know you want to visit with Agent DiNozzo, so I won’t keep you long.”

“I appreciate that. He’s probably ready to see a friendly face; he’s had a rough first day.”

“Yes, he has,” she agreed. “I’m sure that he’s feeling overwhelmed but it will get easier.”

“Shouldn’t you be giving DiNozzo this pep talk?” Gibbs asked, his distaste for the seemingly arrogant psychiatrist growing every second.

“I don’t think he’s ready to listen yet; he’s still quite defensive about everything that has happened,” Claire pointed out.

Gibbs arched his brow, his grim expression etched with disbelief and frustration. “Defensive? How did you expect him to react?”

“Truthfully, I fully expected him to be defensive; it’s common for someone who’s had such a life altering experience to be angry and scared. Until he truly accepts what happened, his moods will be unpredictable and his emotions will be all over the place; Agent DiNozzo may hide behind his sharp wit and a shield of false bravado, but sooner or later, it will all come to a head. When it does, I just want to make sure that you’re prepared to deal with the fallout.”

The team leader scrubbed his face, using those precious few seconds to attempt to conceal his irritation. “I can take care of Tony.”

“You may think you know how to deal with Agent DiNozzo, but now that he’s starting rehabilitation, this is a whole new ball game. He doesn’t need someone to take care of him; he needs someone who can both support him and give him a push when he needs it.

“He’s in for a rough road both physically and mentally and since you’re listed as his next of kin and obviously plan on being around a majority of the time…”

“How about you stop beating around the bush and get to the point?”

He realized he had struck a nerve when he saw the doctor visibly bristle. Gibbs was tired of playing games; he needed to go and try and finish undoing the damage that McGee had inflicted by informing Tony of his promotion. Unfortunately, McGee’s revelation had opened up some old wounds that he didn’t realize existed until today; his unintentional callousness that he had exhibited all those years ago had been a blow to DiNozzo’s self confidence and although the senior field agent had hidden behind the mask of indifference, there wasn’t a doubt in Gibbs’ mind that his actions had once again hurt the son of his heart.

“Okay,” Claire frustratingly conceded. “I’ll get to the point.”

“Please do.”

“I know that you think by constantly hovering over Agent DiNozzo that you’re helping him, but truthfully, you’re guilt and sense of obligation are only going to get in the way of his rehabilitation. It’s quite obvious that you’re a person of influence in his life and he wants your approval; if he thinks that you’re opposed to any aspect of his treatment, especially the mental component, he’ll balk and become resistive to the people that are trying to help him.”

“You mean people life you?”

“Yes.”

Her venomous words were meant to sting, but they only served to further anger the former Marine. How dare this woman all but accuse him of trying to sabotage Tony’s recovery? How could she accuse him of something so ludicrous when she didn’t even know him?

He took a menacing step towards her, forcing her back against the opposite wall. “Who do you think you are? You clearly have no clue as to what you’re talking about because if you did, you’d know that I would never do anything to hinder Tony’s recovery! What he does or doesn’t do is entirely up to him; I’m not in control of his life and quite frankly neither are you!”

“I never claimed to be in control of his life, Agent Gibbs,” she seethed. “I’m his psychiatrist and it’s my job to help him come to terms with everything that’s happened and that includes helping him accept the fact that someone that he knows and trusts shot him, leaving him paralyzed for life.”

“You don’t pull any punches, do you?”

“No; not when it comes to the welfare of my patients.”

“Evidently you’ve done your homework,” Gibbs fumed. Was he ever going to be able to put his mistake behind him? He and Tony had supposedly moved on; why was Dr. Williams trying to throw the past in his face?

“I know that I’m responsible for Tony never being able to walk again, but I’ll be damned if I’m going stand here and let you tell me that my mere presence is going to be a setback. We’ve moved past what happened and now we’re both trying to focus on his recovery, but it seems that you’ve already passed judgment on something that you know nothing about.”

“I…”

He leaned even closer to her until their faces were mere centimeters apart. “Don’t say another word,” the team leader warned. “It’s my turn to talk and your turn to listen. You’ve talked to DiNozzo twice and all you’ve managed to do is tick him off; doesn’t seem like you’re doing your job, does it? If you’re going to get into a pissing contest with him every time you walk in there, you’re going to lose him; Tony may get defensive but he’s still got some pride and he’s not going to be intimidated by the likes of you.”

The doctor began to laugh. Gibbs glared at her, confused by her sudden change in demeanor. “You find something funny about this, Dr. Williams?”

“It doesn’t take much to push your buttons; does it Agent Gibbs?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She stepped around him in an effort to regain some of her personal space. “It means that I needed to see how hard you were going to fight for Agent DiNozzo and it’s clear to me that you’re in this for the long haul,” she calmly explained.

Dr. Williams had been testing him and according to her, he had passed with flying colors. “I don’t like head games,” he growled.

“Neither do I.”

“Yet you seem intent on playing them. You’re lucky that I’m not having you removed from Tony’s case.”

“Why would you do that? I’m very good at my job and I can help your friend.”

“I’m not because it’s not my decision; like I said, Tony makes his own choices regarding his treatment. However, the first time I see you try and manipulate him, I’ll throw you out on your arrogant ass and there will be no second chances. Have I made myself clear?”

“Perfectly,” Claire confidently stated. “I admire your loyalty to Agent DiNozzo; I don’t think it’s something that he’s completely used to.”

“I take care of my own; he knows I have his back.”

Dr. Williams sighed in what Gibbs couldn’t only describe as temporary defeat. Tucking the chart under her arm, she began to head down the hallway towards Tony’s room. She glanced over her shoulder, her final words were clearly meant to condemn him. “Does he, Agent Gibbs?” Claire inquired as she walked away, clearly satisfied that she had gotten the final word.

Gibbs watched her go back into Tony’s room. His first impulse was to rush down to DiNozzo’s room and throw her out, but that would do nothing but add to the stress that he was already experiencing. He raked his hands through his hair as he permitted the anger and frustration that had been fueling him to ebb away. Blowing out a frustrated breath, he leaned against the wall beside the nurse’s station.

“She’s actually very good at what she does; she just has an unorthodox ways of doing things.”

He looked up to see one of the night shift nurses standing beside him with a cup of coffee in her hand. “Here,” she said, handing the cup to him. “You look like you could use this.”

“Thank you,” he mumbled.

“You’re welcome,” the nurse replied. “Listen, I know it doesn’t seem like it, but she really does care; more than most. We’ve all seen families torn apart by a loved one’s disability; she just wants to be sure that Tony’s not going to have to face the possibility of you walking out on him when the going gets tough.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he vowed.

“I know and I’m pretty sure she realizes it now.”

He took a sip of his coffee and stared after the psychiatrist. Maybe she did have Tony’s best interests in mind, but he still wasn’t sure that he trusted her; of course, there were very few people he trusted so he couldn’t pass judgment on that fact alone.

Nodding his thanks to the nurse, he slowly headed back towards Tony’s room. “I’m not going anywhere, Tony,” he mumbled to himself, reaffirming the promise he had made earlier. “I’m not going anywhere.”



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Despite the fact that he was physically and mentally exhausted, Tony found himself unable to sleep. Within the span of a day, he had moved from the hospital to the rehab facility, met what seemed like a hundred different people, each one attempting to explain what part they would play in his rehabilitation, fought with his shrink twice, and learned that he more than likely wouldn’t have a job to come back to if and when he ever got out of this fine facility.

Of course, he couldn’t forget the fact that someone he considered to be a friend had betrayed him by accepting the promotion to Gibb’s senior field agent; a position that meant more to him than anything in the world. Being Gibbs’ right hand man had given him an identity and now it had been ripped away; the position had helped him become the man he was, or actually the man he used to be. He was no longer Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo; he was…Tony sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Who was he kidding? He had no idea who he was anymore.

“You should have taken me up on my offer of giving you something to help you sleep.”

Tony rolled his eyes at the sound of Dr. Williams voice. “I told you I don’t want anything,” he grumbled.

“I know what you told me but you have yet to fall asleep.”

He blew out a pent up breath. What was it about this woman that got under his skin? “I will when I’m ready. I do my best thinking at night.”

“What are you thinking about?” she inquired.

“About what I have to say to get you the hell out of my room,” he coolly replied.

“You could just tell me to get out,” Claire suggested.

“Get out.”

“Abrupt and to the point. Just like your Boss.”

“Why are you still here? You told me that I could tell you to get out.”

“And you did. It doesn’t mean that I have to comply,” she retorted.

“What do you want from me?” Tony barked, his exhaustion fueling his anger and irritation at the physician.

“Honesty.”

Tony winced when his body visibly bristled; he had to start remembering that his shoulder was still injured before he allowed his emotions to dictate his physical reactions. When he finally answered, his voice was tight and controlled as he fought against the pain in his shoulder. “My evaluation isn’t until tomorrow. I’m not answering anything else for you tonight; besides, I thought you were talking to Gibbs.”

“I was.”

“And?”

“I was just making sure that he was prepared for the road ahead.”

“Gibbs is probably more prepared than I am,” Tony admitted.

“I’m not sure either of you are prepared but time will tell.”

“Thanks for your vote of confidence, Doc.”

“I’m just being a realist.”

Tony couldn’t help but laugh; she wasn’t the only one adept at reading people. “Judging by the way you’re acting, I’m guess Gibbs told you to go to hell?”

“Not in so many words,” she smirked. “He is very protective of you and I believe that he wants what’s best for you.”

“Yeah,” he whispered. “He does.”

“I’m glad. Now, I’m heading home; the nurse’s have my number if you need anything, otherwise, I’ll see you tomorrow for your evaluation.”

The echo of footsteps caused both he and Claire to glance up at the door. Tony followed Gibbs’ every movement as he went around the doctor and pulled up a chair on the other side of the bed. There was no mistaking the tension between the doctor and the team leader; Tony found himself wishing he could have been a fly on the wall during what apparently was a heated conversation.

“Agent Gibbs,” greeted the doctor.

Gibbs merely nodded; it was obvious that he didn’t have anything else to say to the psychiatrist. Tony could easily sense his aversion of the woman; the daggers that his eyes were shooting at her were a testament to the dislike that he felt.

“Tony, I’ll leave an order with the nurses if you change your mind,” Claire informed him as she made her way to the door. “Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.”

As she closed the door behind her, Tony turned his attention back to the former Marine. “Kind of got chilly in here; don’t ya think?”

“I’m rather comfortable.”

“Right.”

“I figured you’d be asleep.”

“Can’t sleep. My mind’s too wired; too much too take in.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Gibbs offered.

“Not really; I’ve got to get it all straight in my head first.”

“Planning on trying to pull the wool over Dr. Williams’ eyes? You’re going to have your work cut out for you.”

“I’ve handled shrinks before,” he reminded the team leader.

“She’s not your average shrink,” Gibbs pointed out. “She’s got a devious streak.”

“I know. She must have really got to you, huh?” Tony taunted. “I mean, whatever she said must have pissed you off; that little vein in the side of your head is still throbbing.”

“Let’s just say that we came to an understanding of sorts.”

“And that would be?”

“We both want what’s best for you.”

Tony swallowed hard. Sometimes the paternal devotion that Gibbs exhibited towards him was too much to bear. He had always considered himself to be self reliant but now, that particular trait had been shattered into a million pieces by a bullet. Tony had to count on the assistance of others to help him with the most basic necessities of life; it was humiliating beyond words and he didn’t like being a burden to others. Who was he to say that he knew what was best for him? He had no idea what to do next and his confusion and frustration grew with every passing moment.

“I don’t even know what that is right now,” Tony mumbled.

“You will in time.”

“I guess so; seems like all I’ve got is time.”

Gibbs leaned forward and waited patiently for Tony to meet his gaze. “Tony, I know you’re upset about McGee but believe me, you’re irreplaceable. Rule number 5.”

“I don’t think I qualify as ‘good’ anymore,” Tony countered. “Maybe used up ‘goods’.”

He felt a familiar slap upside the head. “I don’t want to ever hear you talk like that again. You still have a lot to offer, Tony; don’t count yourself out.”

“Sure,” Tony scoffed. “I think I’m kind of sleepy after all, Boss.”

Tony was done talking for the night; there had been too many people trying to get inside his head lately and he was not in the mood to rehash the events of the day. There would be plenty of time to talk, once he figured out what it was he was supposed to say.

Just as he closed his eyes, an unbearable pain shot through his back; it felt like thousands of sharp knives cutting into him. Tony gasped in pain, clutching the sheet with his good hand as the razors in his back continued to slice into his nerves. How was this possible? How could he feel such a high degree of agony when he was supposed to be paralyzed?

Gibbs was now standing over him, calling his name, alarm and concern evident in his voice. “Tony! Tony! What’s wrong?”

Unfortunately, Tony could not make his lips form the words that would bring relief to the waves of pain that he was being forced to endure. After a few seconds, some garbled words finally escaped and DiNozzo silently prayed that Gibbs could understand him.

“My…b….ba…back!” he cried out, arching his back in an effort to ease his pain.

“You’re back?” Gibbs repeated.

“Sh…sharp…pain…h…hurts…”

“All right,” Gibbs soothed. “Take it easy!”

“Can’t…hurts…sick.”

Tony promptly vomited; the agony that he was experiencing forced his stomach to do somersaults. He barely heard Gibbs calling for the nurse; all he was aware of was that he was in a world of pain and at the moment, he was desperately hanging on a precipice over a dark abyss.

He felt several pairs of hands on him, cleaning him up and asking him questions that his muddled mind could not follow; a moan was the only answer that Tony could muster although he knew that his guttural reply would not satisfy the medical personnel, especially the man that was now hovering over him.

“Tony, I’m Dr. Lassiter. I’m the on call physician for tonight; I know you’re hurting, but I need you to listen to me. Do you understand me? I’m going to give you something for the pain and then I have a few questions to ask.”

He felt a prick in his good arm and within a few seconds, the pain was beginning to subside to a constant dull ache. Tony reached out blindly and felt a familiar calloused hand grab onto his hand.

“You’re gonna be all right, DiNozzo,” Gibbs promised. “Just take it easy.”

Tony merely nodded as he continued to permit the effects of the drug take over his body. He was starting to relax and although he could still feel the all too familiar ache, Tony no longer had to fight the pain that had snuck up on him like a thief in the night, leaving him spent and feeling more debilitated than before.

“All right, Agent DiNozzo,” the doctor began. “Let’s see what’s going on with you.”

Gibbs wished that Dr. Lassiter would say something; other than issuing orders to the nursing staff and a few monosyllabic responses, the physician had said very little to assuage the worry that was consuming both him and DiNozzo. He could easily sense the tension radiating from Tony as the younger man struggled with the pain that was still plaguing him despite the medicine that the nurse had given him earlier; the team leader saw the desperation etched in Tony’s features as his frustration with his circumstances continued to grow. DiNozzo had been through so much already and the thought of another setback was more than either of them could bear; he wondered how many more surprises Tony would willingly accept before he threw in the proverbial towel.

Tony was lying on his side, his jaw clenched tightly as the doctor continued to examine the younger man. The former Marine tightened his grip on Tony’s arm, reassuring the dark haired agent of his presence as Lassiter continued to probe the areas where the bullets had entered DiNozzo’s back. Gibbs was glad that he couldn’t see the scars; it was hard enough knowing that because of his actions Tony was never going to walk again, he didn’t need to see the physical reminder of his carelessness.

With his other hand, he brushed a stray lock of hair off Tony’s forehead that was covered with a light sheen of perspiration. “You doing okay, DiNozzo?” he quietly asked, despite the fact that he already knew the answer to his question.

“Just…peachy, Boss,” Tony gasped. “Couldn’t be…better.”

“You always were a horrible liar, Tony.”

“Actually…I’m a great…liar unless…there’s pain involved.”

Tony’s words echoed in Gibbs’ mind. Yes, DiNozzo had the ability to be a good liar; his past undercover work was a testimony to that fact. Tony was an excellent actor, engaging in a masquerade whenever the situation warranted a facade; whether it was intentional or not, the senior field agent constantly hid behind a mask and only removed it the few times he found himself needing to bare his soul. Now was quickly becoming one of those times.

The pain, the pent up anger, and the sheer aggravation of everything that he had experienced his first day in the rehab center had completely ravaged Tony’s nerves. DiNozzo was trying to hold himself together but with each passing second, he was slipping further away. Gibbs knew that he had to be the source of strength that Tony needed in order to cling on to the miniscule atom of hope that existed in his mind.

“Just hang in there, Tony,” Gibbs softly urged. “We’ll know something soon.”

He gave Tony’s good shoulder a gentle squeeze, prompting Tony to acknowledge him with a slight nod. Gibbs continued to stroke DiNozzo’s hair just like he used to do when he comforted Kelly whenever she was sick or had a bad dream and now he was comforting the son of his heart in the same manner; it was funny how life was a circle.

Gibbs noticed that Lassiter had finally finished his examination and had made his way to the other side of the bed so that he could talk with Tony face to face. DiNozzo blindly reached out and grabbed Gibbs’ hand, tightly clutching it as another wave of pain assaulted him; the agony that Tony had previously experienced seemed to be lessening but he was still battling some remnants of pain that refused to be abated.

“All right, Agent DiNozzo,” Lassiter began. “I guess you’d like to know what’s going on.”

“Do ya think?” Tony gruffly replied.

Gibbs smiled to himself as Tony’s sharp retort seemingly caught the doctor off guard. DiNozzo was hurting and the constant ache had soured his mood to the point where he didn’t care about making a good impression on the physician.

“Well, Agent DiNozzo, I won’t know for sure until after we get some X-rays, but my guess is that the bullet fragments in your back have shifted slightly and are pressing against a nerve.”

“And that’s your best guess? With all the poking…and prodding you’ve been doing…all you have is a guess?”

“Yes,” Lassiter admitted. “Like I said, we’ll be sending you down for X-rays momentarily and then once I get them back, we’ll have a better idea of what’s happening.”

Gibbs tamped down his own anger as he continued to listen to the conversation between the doctor and DiNozzo. Tony’s pain was fueling his venomous words as he slung them at the doctor. He was glad that DiNozzo’s shrink wasn’t around; the last thing that Tony needed was Dr. Williams seeing her patient in what could be a full blown rant. Gibbs had been on the receiving end of a DiNozzo tirade a couple of times and needless to say, it wasn’t pretty.

“I want to know what’s going on!” Tony demanded. “What does it mean if the fragments…are shifting? Does it mean I’m going to walk again? Does it mean that I’m going to lose the use of the rest…of my…body? Am I going to have…to live with the pain? Quit beating…around the bush and be…honest with me!”

“I am being honest with you, Agent DiNozzo,” the doctor replied with a forced calmness.

“Then…answer my questions!”

“I can’t until after I see the X-rays. I’m going to order you something else to take off the edge and…”

“I don’t want it.”

“Believe me, you’ll want it.”

He knew that Tony was too worked up now to listen to the doctor’s reasoning; the Marine wasn’t sure that DiNozzo would even listen to him but he had to try and calm the hurting man before Tony did anymore damage to himself.

“Tony?” Gibbs called out, cautious of the agent’s frame of mind.

“What?” Tony snapped.

Gibbs cupped his face, forcing the young man to look at him. “Listen to me,” he instructed, knowing Tony wouldn’t refuse one of his orders; a pang of guilt swept over him as he used DiNozzo’s unwavering loyalty to his advantage.

“I know you’re hurting and you’re pissed but you need to try and relax and let them do their job,” Gibbs stated.

“What have they been doing…for the last thirty minutes? I can’t…take this; I need to know what’s…going on! I’ve had enough surprises for one day,” Tony reminded him.

He hated hearing Tony’s desperate pleas but there were no words that he could offer that would comfort the ailing man; DiNozzo wanted answers and Gibbs couldn’t blame him for being angry. “I know,” Gibbs sighed. “We’re going to figure out what’s wrong but in the meantime, you need to relax; getting yourself worked up isn’t going to help matters.”

“I know…I’m just…I’m just…”

“Scared?”

Tony weakly smiled. “DiNozzos…don’t get scared.”

“Really?” Gibbs challenged.

“Maybe a…little,” Tony conceded. “Can we keep…that little tidbit…just between us?”

Even after all those years DiNozzo’s insecurities haunted him at the most inopportune times, causing him to doubt himself and those around him. It was important to Tony to appear confident and in control and Gibbs’ bullets had taken both those abilities from him. He quickly tamped down his feelings of guilt; Gibbs had made a promise to Tony not to dwell in the past and he intended to keep it.

“Don’t worry, DiNozzo; I’ve got your back.”

“Thanks, Boss.”

The door opened as two aides entered the room with a gurney, presumably to take Tony to X-ray. Gibbs wished that DiNozzo would have permitted the doctor to give him something to help with his anxiety but Tony had the right to make his own decisions and he wasn’t going to tell the agent otherwise. “Looks like your ride is here,” he announced.

Tony merely nodded as the two men carefully maneuvered and positioned him on the gurney. Gibbs pulled up the blanket and tucked it around Tony’s frame, the gesture reminiscent of a father tucking in his child.

“I’ll be here when you get back,” he vowed.

“All right.”

Gibbs watched the gurney disappear from sight. Raking his hands through his hair, he suddenly realized how tired he was; the emotional fallout from everything that had happened that day was beginning to catch up with him and his body was screaming at him for a reprieve. Sitting down in the chair that he had already claimed as his own, Gibbs slumped down in it as he tried to make himself comfortable. He laid his head back against the cushion and closed his eyes, hoping that he would be able to catch a few minutes of sleep.

As he drifted off, Gibbs found himself feeling both grateful and guilty as he enjoyed these few moments of solitude; he tried to tell himself that he deserved the time to himself but the reminder that Tony was in limbo, waiting to discover what was wrong with him, filled his mind with doubt and regret. The team leader succumbed to the sweet arms of slumber, his thoughts quickly melding into dreams that would only serve to remind him of the high price of his carelessness. So much for learning to live with his guilt; it was difficult to put the past behind you when it kept resurfacing in your dreams.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX




Knowing that he wouldn’t be able to sleep, Timothy McGee went back to the office in hopes of finding enough work to keep himself busy so he wouldn’t have to think about his disastrous visit with Tony. He had been convinced that he had been doing the right thing by telling Tony about his promotion but the conversation had not gone as planned and now he had probably lost one of the best friends that he had ever had. What had he been thinking? McGee had been asking himself that question ever since he had left the rehabilitation center and he had yet to come up with an acceptable answer, especially one that would ease his conscience.

“Why couldn’t I just leave well enough alone?” he mumbled.

“McGee? What are you doing here?”

He looked up to see Ziva approaching his desk. She was obviously dressed for a night out on the town and if Tony were here, he would stop at nothing to learn everything about where she was going and whom she would be going with; quite frankly, he couldn’t find it within himself to care. “Hey Ziva,” he sighed.

“I did not know that you were working tonight; I thought you were going home after you saw…”

“Tony,” he finished.

Ziva perched on the edge of his desk. “I take it that things did not go well,” she assumed.

“Nope.”

“What happened?”

McGee shrugged, his gaze fixed on the blank computer screen. “Let’s just say that it didn’t go as planned. I thought that it would be better coming from me before he heard it from someone else; he wasn’t ready to hear it at all.”

She tucked a long strand of hair behind her ear. “Well McGee, Tony does have a lot to deal with; he’s still getting used to the idea that he will never walk again; I’m sure that once he thinks about it some more that he will be relieved to know that you are watching Gibbs’ back.”

“You really think so?” he asked.

Ziva’s silence answered McGee’s question; unfortunately it wasn’t the answer that he wanted. “That’s what I thought,” he groaned. “I don’t know what to do, Ziva. I feel like I’ve waited so long for this opportunity and now that I have the chance to prove that I’m ready to be a senior field agent, but I’m not sure that it’s worth the price. I want this so bad that I can taste it. I’ve learned so much from Tony and I know I can do the job.”

“I’m sure you can or the Director would not have suggested you for the position,” Ziva rationalized.

“But?”

“But convincing Gibbs that you can do the job is going to be difficult; truthfully, he will be harder to convince than Tony. Gibbs is still planning on Tony returning to NCIS and until he knows for sure that he isn’t, you’re going to have an uphill battle on your hands.”

He considered Ziva’s words for a moment. “Do you think Tony will come back?”

Once again, his question was met with an awkward silence; it was a few seconds before Ziva managed to reply, “I do not know.”

“Gibbs seems to thinks he will,” McGee pointed out.

“Only time will tell.”

McGee glanced over at Tony’s empty desk; it was a desk that he had occupied for a few months during Gibbs’ self imposed sabbatical and a desk that he had hoped to occupy once again. Was he willing to advance his career at the expense of the respect and friendship of his team? Were Gibbs and Tony being fair to him putting him in this position?

He shook his head, clearing the cobwebs that were starting to take residence as he forced himself to return to his present reality. “Ziva? Have you seen Tony since that first day in the hospital?” McGee wasn’t sure where that question had come from but he had suddenly been overcome by the necessity of redirecting the conversation away from his problem.

“No, I have not.”

Surprise and disbelief were etched in his features; surely he had misunderstood her. “What?”

“We’ve been busy, McGee,” she shot back defiantly. “I’m going to give him time to get settled at the rehab center and then I will…um…go and see him.”

McGee couldn’t believe that Ziva had yet to see DiNozzo; the two of them had a unique relationship and it had developed into an unusual friendship that had a tendency to bring out the best and worst in each of them. The only time she had seen him, Tony had been in a medically induced coma with wires attached to his body; the sight of their injured friend must have been harder on her than she had originally let on.

“I guess that’s a good idea,” McGee reluctantly agreed. “Maybe I should’ve done that.”

Ziva pushed herself off his desk and began to pace. “Truthfully, I am nervous about seeing him; I can not imagine what Tony is going through. I do not want the awkwardness that undoubtedly would be between us to add to his stress.”

“Awkwardness?” he pressed.

“I do not know what to say to him,” she explained. “Tony is my partner and I am uncertain as to how I’m supposed to act around him at the moment. It would be like having a hippopotamus in the room.”

“Elephant,” Tim corrected.

“What?”

“You mean an elephant in the room.”

“Whatever! I am just not ready to see Tony so…still.”

“Maybe you don’t have to say anything; maybe just knowing that you care will be enough. I think he’s kind of feeling alone, especially after I dumped my news on him.”

He could tell that Ziva was quietly pondering his words. “Perhaps I will go by tomorrow.”

“If you do, could you give him a message for me?” Maybe Tony would listen to Ziva and she could convince DiNozzo that he never meant to hurt him. Although he wanted the promotion, he didn’t want to lose Tony’s friendship; maybe Ziva could convince DiNozzo that he was right in accepting the Director’s offer.

“Of course.”

Tim swallowed hard as he searched for the right words. “Could you tell him…could you tell him that I’m sorry?”



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Tony had just arrived back in his room, the X-rays that had been ordered had been completed and now he was waiting on Dr. Lassiter to come and talk to him. When the aides had brought him back, he immediately noticed that Gibbs was asleep and he motioned to the orderlies to be quiet as they repositioned him back in his own bed. The team leader had constantly been by his side and deserved to rest; Tony was envious of the older man’s ability to sleep anywhere.

He was grateful that the pain he had been experiencing earlier was all but gone, but so were his hopes that he was actually getting some feeling back in his legs. Tony had determined that he would gladly live with the constant agony if it meant he’d be able to walk; unfortunately, fate had one again intervened with his hopes and dreams.

Within a couple of minutes, he was situated in his bed with nothing but Gibbs’ soft snores to keep him company. He picked up a cup of water and took a sip, grateful for the relief that the cool liquid bought to his parched throat. Setting the glass back down, Tony glanced around his room, his expressive orbs finally coming to rest on the team leader.

Making sure that Gibbs was still asleep, Tony laid his head back on the pillow as he fixed his gaze towards the ceiling. He was so tired of acting like nothing was wrong; he was angry at the injustice of his situation but he had no one to blame but himself.

“Why me?” he whispered. Tony had never considered himself a religious person and he knew that he didn’t have any right to try and bargain with God, but at the moment, he felt like he didn’t have anywhere else to turn.

“I know that we haven’t talked since my mom died,” Tony began, “but I’ve got to talk to someone. I guess I could talk to my shrink but I’m not quite sure what I think about her yet and Gibbs, well, he’s asleep and I don’t want to wake him up; besides, I think that this is something that only you can handle.

“I never thought of myself as a bad person but now, I kind of have to wonder; I guess that bad things happen to good people and it’s not that I believe that I’m good, but…” Tony blew out a shaky breath. This conversation wasn’t going like he had originally planned. “I admit that I’m not a saint but I’m not sure that I deserved this; or maybe I do. I need my legs, God,” he pleaded. “If I’ve got any hope of going back to work, I have to be able to walk. My job is all I know; it’s who I am.

“I’m not going to lie to you and say that I’m going to move to Africa and wear Bermuda shorts and do hard labor, but I will try and be a better person,” he vowed. “It’ll take me a while to get over McGee trying to undermine me but I’ll work on it; I’ll stay out of Ziva’s love life and I’ll up my donation to the youth center downtown. I’ll do anything! I just…I just want to walk. Please God! I’m begging you.”

Tony choked back a sob, afraid that he would awaken Gibbs. “Please give me back my legs. Please…”

A single tear escaped as his eyes began to close. Denial, anger, bargaining; thanks to the pamphlets that he had been reading, he knew the stages of grief all too well. Unfortunately now he had to look forward to depression and acceptance; he figured depression was going to come easy but he didn’t know if he would ever accept the fact that he would never walk again.

Maybe he would be lucky and God would answer his prayer, but the way his luck had been going, he wasn’t counting on it. Tony couldn’t blame God if he had ignored his poor attempt at praying but at least he had tried. As he drifted off to sleep, he never felt the team leader pull the blanket up to his chin and tuck it under his still frame and he never heard Gibbs whisper his own prayer.

“That goes for me too,” Gibbs quietly added. “Amen.”

Gibbs had been watching Tony sleep for close to an hour, grateful that the young man was finally able to rest. It had been a long day for both of them and unfortunately it wasn’t over yet. Glancing at his watch, he wondered how much longer it would be before the doctor returned with the results of the X-rays; although Lassiter’s appearance would mean waking DiNozzo from his semi-peaceful slumber, he knew that Tony would want to hear what the doctor had to say.

DiNozzo’s control over his emotions was tenuous at best and the doctor’s vagueness was only adding to Tony’s ever mounting frustration. Gibbs recalled the desperate prayer that had escaped the dark-haired man’s lips as he begged God to give him back the use of his legs. It had been a heart-wrenching plea, one that he would never forget; the sincerity and simplicity of Tony’s words had stirred something within him that had persuaded him to utter his own prayer.

He was brought out of his reverie by a light rap on the door. Gibbs looked up to discover Dr. Lassiter entering the room carrying what appeared to be Tony’s record. The team leader gently shook Tony, quietly urging him to wake up. “Hey DiNozzo; the doctor’s here.”

It only took a few seconds for Tony to become aware of his surroundings. Gibbs rose from his seat and stood beside DiNozzo in hopes that his physical presence would serve as a source of encouragement and support to the hurting man.

“I’m sorry to disturb you,” Lassiter began, “but I know that you were anxious to hear the results of your X-rays.”

“It’s about time,” Tony muttered.

Gibbs had to smile at DiNozzo’s sharp retort; whenever he was tired or hurting, Tony tended to become curt and short tempered, often surprising those around him. Ever since the shooting, Tony’s moods had been unpredictable and he knew that until he truly came to terms with everything that he was going to have to be prepared for the waves of anger that would be coming his way.

“I’m sorry it took so long,” the physician apologized. “I was comparing them to your original X-rays and it looks like I was right in my initial assessment; the fragments have shifted slightly and are pressing against a nerve and that’s what was causing you so much pain.”

Gibbs gave Tony’s shoulder a gentle squeeze but DiNozzo seemed to ignore the gesture as he attempted to process the doctor’s words. He realized that more than anything Tony wanted to Lassiter to tell him that this latest development meant that he was going to be able to walk again, but Gibbs had a feeling that was the last thing that the doctor was going to say.

“I’ll speak with Dr. Gibson in the morning and we’ll discuss what the best course of action we need to take,” Lassiter continued.

“Course of action?” DiNozzo pressed. “What do you mean by that?”

“Well, there is the option of surgery, but it’s still very risky; however, we may not have a choice but to operate. There’s a chance that they could shift again and cause further problems and…”

“What’s my other option?”

“To do nothing. The fragments may stabilize and not cause anymore problems; personally I think…”

“Is either one of those options going to allow me to walk again?”

“No, but…”

Gibbs saw Tony purposefully shut down; he was through talking with the doctor and the team leader knew DiNozzo well enough to know that he was done listening to what Lassiter had to say. With a subtle shake of his head, he silenced the physician who promptly excused himself from the room with a promise to come check on Tony at a later time.

Lassiter left them alone, pulling the door closed behind him to afford them some privacy. Gibbs knew that he should have some words of wisdom or comfort for Tony, but for some reason, his lips couldn’t form the words he needed to say. He sat back down in the chair so that he was now eye level with Tony.

“Are you all right?” he asked, mentally preparing himself for the storm that was brewing.

“I’m fine, Gibbs; you don’t have to worry about me,” Tony replied, his jaw clenched tightly as he fought a losing battle with his emotions. “I shouldn’t have even got my hopes up; I was stupid to think that I’d walk again. I should have known…”

“Should have known what, Tony?” Gibbs gently urged.

“That I was wasting my time.”

“Wasting your time?”

He had a feeling that Tony was referring to the prayer that he had uttered earlier that night. DiNozzo had taken a chance and had once again been burnt for his endeavor; neither he nor Tony considered themselves to be religious men and for them to call on a higher power was a leap of faith on their part. Now, that faith had been shattered.

“Tony, I’m sorry.” Gibbs didn’t know what else to say.

“You’re breaking one of your own rules, Gibbs.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time; probably won’t be the last.”

“Probably not,” Tony agreed.

Gibbs shifted forward in his chair. “Tony, look at me,” he insisted. Although his tone lacked its usual gruffness, it still demanded respect and DiNozzo would not deny him his request.

His steely gaze met the pain filled one of his senior field agent. Gibbs recognized that it wasn’t physical agony plaguing Tony; it was the emotional anguish that was consuming him. “Are you listening to me?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“I know that you’re disappointed and…”

“Don’t say that. You have no idea how I’m feeling right now,” Tony fumed.

“Frustrated? Helpless? Hopeless? Pissed? Does that about cover it? I know what you’re feeling because I’m feeling it too! Don’t you think that I want your doctor to walk in here and say that you’re going to walk again? Don’t you think that I want that for you?”

“Do you want it for me or for you? If I’m able to walk again, you won’t have to live with your guilt.”

Gibbs was taken back by Tony’s venomous accusation. He had done his best to bury his guilt, but despite his efforts, DiNozzo managed to see through his façade. The team leader couldn’t help but be angered by the other man’s gall in questioning his actions. Tony’s well being had become his top priority and now his motives were being challenged.

“My guilt is my business,” Gibbs countered. “How dare you throw it in my face! I’m trying to help you!”

“I don’t want your help!”

“Yes, you do. You’re just too afraid to accept it!”

“Maybe I am,” he relented, “but I’ve got a right to be! What’s your excuse? You’re just as afraid as I am!”

Gibbs took a deep breath and blew it out in an effort to calm his frazzled nerves. He couldn’t argue with Tony’s reasoning; he was scared but he wasn’t sure of what. “I didn’t mean to upset you, Tony. Maybe I should let you rest.”

“Yeah, like I don’t get enough of that.”

He stood up and started towards the door. “Tony, I know you’re angry but just so you know, you’re not gonna run me off that easy. I’m in this for the long haul and not because I feel guilty; I’m in it because I want to be and I know that if our situations were reversed, you’d do the same thing. It’s called being a family.”

Tony continued to stare at the ceiling, refusing to acknowledge him. With one final glance, Gibbs opened the door and left Tony’s room, leaving DiNozzo alone to mull over his last words. Maybe a little time away from each other would do them both good; he could count on one hand the times that he had left Tony’s side and truthfully, he could use the break as well.

Gibbs walked out the main entrance and to his car; he had a bottle of bourbon and a boat calling his name and hopefully between those two things, he would figure out a way to reach Tony.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



The next morning Tony woke up, uncertain of how long he had actually been asleep. After Gibbs had left, the nurse had come in and given him something to help him sleep and he had forgone his normal protest and accepted the medication without offering any resistance. His quiet acceptance had surprised the nursing staff and he was sure that he would be receiving an early visit from his shrink. She seemed determined to get inside his mind but he was determined to keep her out; Dr. Claire Williams missed her chance last night to see him at his worst. Pain and disappointment had spurred on his anger, prompting him to lash out at everyone, including the one person who had been by his side since the shooting.

He was ashamed of the way that he had treated Gibbs and wouldn’t blame the team leader if he simply gave up on him. Maybe he was trying to give the former Marine a way out without any regrets, but he knew that Gibbs would be back; the team leader wouldn’t quit on him. Gibbs’ loyalty and friendship was the one thing he wasn’t sure he could do without.

“Good Morning, Tony.”

Tony recognized his regular physician, Dr. Gibson, as he entered his room studying what he assumed to be his chart. The physician’s appearance was just what he needed first thing in the morning; someone else to remind him of the fiasco of the previous night. He had lost control of his emotions, something that he rarely did; his pain and frustration and had only served to aggravate his frazzled nerves and he had lashed out at everyone around him.

“Morning,” he mumbled.

“I spoke with Dr. Lassiter and he told me that you had a rough night.”

“Dr. Lassiter has the gift of understatement.”

Tony’s gaze followed Gibson as he sat down in the chair next to his bed, hoping that the physician wasn’t going to give him another pep talk; he wasn’t ready to hear a bunch of false platitudes.

“I’ve looked at the X-rays and the fragments…”

“I know,” Tony sighed. “The fragments have shifted; Lassiter told me.”

“I’m going to put you a few more days of bed rest to make sure they stabilize; if they don’t then we’ll have to go ahead and remove them”

“And if you don’t remove them?”

“Depending on the damage the fragments cause, your paralysis could spread or worse.”

“Worse?” Tony shook his head. “Right now, I’m not sure it could get much worse.”

Tony didn’t bother to hide the bitterness that was beginning to consume him. Was it too much to ask to be the recipient of some good news for a change?

“Look Tony, we just have to wait and…”

“That’s all I’ve been doing! I’ve been waiting for someone to tell me what I’m supposed to do with the rest of my life now that I can’t walk, but no one seems to have an honest answer.”

“You want to know what to do with the rest of your life?” Gibson asked. “You live it.”

“I’m not sure I can or if I want to.”

“With that attitude, you’ll never make it,” the doctor stated. “You’re alive, Agent DiNozzo and that has to count for something.”

Tony closed his eyes, hoping that Dr. Gibson would take the hint that he was through talking. Fortunately, the physician didn’t push him and with a pat on his arm, promised to come by and check on him later. He started to tell the doctor not to waste his time but he figured that comment would have simply led to yet another lecture.

A few minutes later, he heard the sound of his food tray being placed on the table. Opening his eyes, he saw Gretchen taking the lid off his breakfast and making sure that everything was within his reach.

“At last, a friendly face,” Tony tiredly grinned.

“Surely it hasn’t been that bad,” Gretchen said, as she pressed the button that would raise the head of his bed. Tony instinctively tried to sit up prompting the nurse to place a gentle restraining hand on his chest. “You let me do all the work,” she reminded him. “Doctor’s orders.”

Tony relented and allowed the nurse to position him to where he was sitting up better. He despised feeling helpless and due to circumstances beyond his control he was once again dependent on the kindness of others whether by duty or friendship. His cheeks flushed a crimson red as he clumsily wiped a tear away before it could be seen by the lovely nurse.

“I’ll be back after breakfast to help get you cleaned up and situated,” Gretchen promised.

“I can’t wait,” he grumbled.

“Tony, I know you don’t want to hear this, but it’s all going to work out. I’ve seen men and women lose far more than you have and they are in the community holding down jobs and living normal lives; give it time. Let us help you,” she pleaded.

He felt his anger boiling beneath his skin, coursing through his veins like a river; Tony knew that Gretchen meant well and he genuinely liked the woman and she didn’t deserve his wrath. He gave her a curt nod and a tiny smile, hoping that she would accept his silent answer as a form of acceptance to her idealistic optimism.

Tony was relieved when Gretchen left; he was able to take off his mask that had hidden his doubts and insecurities and cast it aside. His anger and frustration was all but consuming him and he could no longer control it, nor did he particularly want to. Tony needed to vent but all that usually got him was another pep talk; he was tired of talking and he was tired of people telling him that everything would be all right when nothing would be the same again.

The frustration building, Tony took his good arm and sent the breakfast tray flying across the room, splattering on the floor and the wall. It was a good thing that he wasn’t hungry because nothing had been spared from his fit of rage. He no longer cared that he was supposed to stay quiet and still as a guttural cry escaped from his throat; taking his good arm, he tore at the bandages that was binding his other shoulder as the need to be able to use the parts of his body that he could feel and move took precedence over common sense.

“I see I’ve arrived just in time.”

Looking up at the sound of the familiar yet unwelcome voice, Tony’s hardened gaze met the disapproving one of Dr. Claire Williams. He didn’t want this woman inside his head and he was bound and determined to keep her out. Tony reminded himself that he had the ability to beat most shrinks at their own game; he just wasn’t sure that he was at the top of his game.

“What are you doing here?” Tony wanted to know.

“Have you forgotten already? We have an appointment to do your initial psych eval and since you had a difficult night last night, I thought I’d come in a little early and see if you wanted to…”

“Talk?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not in the mood.”

Claire laughed as she stepped over the mess on the floor and claimed the seat beside his bed. “I’m not use to hearing that from men.”

“There’s a first time for everything,” he replied, clenching his jaw so tightly that he was beginning to get a headache.

“Agent DiNozzo, you’ve been through a lot and now you’re facing the possibility of another surgery; you have every right to be upset and angry. Your nerves are fried and you have no idea how much more you can take and you want everyone to understand how you feel, but they don’t.”

How could this woman seemingly see right through him? Was he that transparent? “No, they don’t,” he quietly agreed. “I don’t even understand how I feel.” Tony gave himself a mental head slap for that revelation; he was giving her ammunition and he knew that she wouldn’t hesitate to use it.

“That’s why I’m here,” Claire pointed out. “To help you understand your feelings as well as help you adjust to your new life.”

“There was nothing wrong with my old life.”

“But you can’t go back to your old life.”

Tony knew she was right but to accept that his old lifestyle no longer existed was to lose the glimmer of hope he had firmly held onto despite the doctors’ efforts to force him to face reality. “It’s not worth it,” he whispered, momentarily forgetting that Dr. Williams was sitting beside him.

“What’s not worth it?” she inquired.

He brushed off her question with a shake of his head. Tony had already revealed too much to the psychiatrist; if she expected anything else, she was going to have to work for it.

“Really, Agent DiNozzo; I expected more than to receive the silent treatment from you.”

“Get used to disappointment.”

Tony saw Claire jot down something in his chart; he was beyond caring about what she had written because he knew that she had already formed her supposed objective opinion regarding his state of mind. He was glad when she stood up and began to make her way towards the door.

“I’ll tell Gretchen that you had an…accident with your tray and see about getting you another one,” she stated as she tucked his file under her arm.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Then I’ll tell her that you’re ready to be cleaned up and we will begin your evaluation at nine a.m. I’ll see you in an hour.”

His fingers wrapped around the blanket as he bit back a sharp retort. He was dreading this evaluation because he figured that she was probably already prepared to send him to the psychiatric ward; why couldn’t she simply write ‘crazy’ across his file and leave him alone? Tony heard her just outside his door informing Gretchen of what had happened; the nurse was not going to be happy with him but he couldn’t find it within him to care.

Tony tried to block out the women’s voices, but at the mention of Gibbs’ name, he began to listen in earnest, straining to hear every word they were saying. From the conversation he gathered that Dr. Williams was going to call Gibbs and talk to him again; obviously she didn’t get enough of the team leader’s charming personality that he usually reserved for when he had to deal with shrinks.

As Gretchen entered his room and closed the door behind her, he heard the psychiatrist saying, “Agent Gibbs, this is Dr. Williams. We need to talk.”