Spoiler: 2.22 SWAK
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything other than the idea for the aftermath. Everything else belongs to CBS and Bellisario.

Just Breathe
by WCUGirl


Part One: Tony

The last thing I remembered before I finally fell asleepâ€"because DiNozzos do not pass outâ€"was Boss giving me an order.

“You will not die.�

I don’t think I answered. The gentle slap to the top of my head jarred me back to awareness.

Gibbs’ voice spoke again, much closer to my ear and much firmer this time. “You. Will. Not. Die.�

I nodded my head slightly, but I was really about to fall asleep. Things were starting to fade more and the world was getting dark around the edges. I was so exhausted, so tired of constantly fighting; I just wanted to give up. But dammit I can’t disobey an order, especially a direct order, and especially not from Gibbs. “I…I gotcha Boss,� I finally whispered.

It seemed like a dream, but I can vaguely remember Gibbs grabbing my hand. His grip was firm on my fingers, and I could feel the calluses that he’d earned from years of woodworking. I knew I must be bad off; no one had ever held my hand before. Not when I was dealing with my father, or working at the different police departments. I have a pretty dark past and there were many times when I’d wished for someone to just…be there. Having this man take my hand at this moment…I was at my lowest point. I wanted to give up, I didn’t want to fight anymore, because dammit I was tired…but Gibbs’ hand on mine was the most reassuring sensation I’d ever experienced. I felt him lift my hand and I tried to squeeze his fingers, but I’m not sure I actually accomplished it.

An instant later something cool and metallic was placed in my hand and Gibbs wrapped my fingers around the object. I remember running my thumb over it curiously. A cell phone. I blinked and tried to stare up at the boss, but Gibbs was already moving away. “…might want to change the number,� Boss was saying, “Women keep calling and asking for Spanky.�

I was quickly falling into a deep sleep, but I knew, in that moment just before everything went dark, that there was a reason Gibbs handed me that phone. Gibbs hadn’t just handed me something to hold on to. He’d handed me something to hold on for. He’d given me a lifeline. I knew, with this small gesture, that Gibbs would have my six no matter what happened.

xxx

I can remember glimpses of things after that. There were moments of clarity amidst the drugs and the pain and the coughingâ€"the coughing was the worst. I wasn’t aware of much, but I knew one thing for sure. Every time I woke up someone was with me. I was never alone. It didn’t matter if I was awake for an hour or a minute; there was someone with me every time my eyes fluttered open. Ducky. Abby. Kate. Someone was always with me. I had never felt so loved.

xxx

I was dimly aware that something was different. The bed was differentâ€"and thankfully more comfortableâ€"and the room was warmer. There were more sounds tooâ€"I could hear my heartbeat on the monitor and I could hear people talking. I decided to try opening my eyes and I blinked in surprise. The blue lights were gone. Was I dead? Had it all finally ended? Oh God, had I disobeyed Gibbs? I still felt so exhausted, and all I was doing was lying in bed trying to breathe. There was something that instantly made me feel betterâ€"even more than the missing blue lightsâ€"and I knew why this time felt different from all the others as soon as I opened my eyes.

This time there was Gibbs.

He was slumped in the chair next to my bed. He looked awfulâ€"like he hadn’t slept in daysâ€"which I realized with some shock that was probably true. His hair was messy and his clothes were rumpled. He looked like a sloppy doppelganger of the man I knewâ€"a rumpled version of the Marine who was always so crisp and fresh. I tried to push myself up a bit in bed, and for a minute I couldn’t remember why my chest and ribs would be so sore. I groaned before I could stop myself and Gibbs’ reaction was instant.

Gibbs immediately woke up and popped up out of the chair and moved closer. He pulled me up from the pillows I was propped on and helped me sit up. He kept his hands on my shoulders until I was steadyâ€"I’d been lying down too long, even sitting up caused my head to spin dizzily; not that I would admit that. I took a breath to speak, to tell Gibbs that I was alright and that he didn’t need to hold me up, but my words got cut off by a cough. And I couldn’t stop. I coughed and coughed, my chest was rattling and each cough made my throat even sorer than before. I grimaced in pain for a moment and my eyes widened when I couldn’t catch my breath…

I was going to drownâ€"I was going to die coughing, I just knew it. I was going to disobey Gibbs’ order right in front of him. Gibbs was thumping me hard on my back but it wasn’t helping. I couldn’t get any air. Just as the darkness started to creep in again, Gibbs put a hand on the back of my neck and the oxygen mask over my face.

“It’s okay Tony,� Gibbs’ voice was so gentle, “it’s going to be fine just breathe, DiNozzo. Just focus on your breathing. That’s it…just breathe.�

I slumped against him, knowing he was strong enough to hold me up. I was so exhausted and my eyes drifted shut. I barely noticed that though, I was thankful for being able to take small breaths and actually get air…I didn’t feel so much like I was going to suffocate.

I finally managed to raise my head a little bit, finally with it enough to feel slightly embarrassed for leaning against Gibbs like I did. I resolutely tried to ignore the way my hand was shaking when I lifted it to hold the oxygen mask in place. I knew I needed to speakâ€"I needed to reassure Gibbs that I really was okay.

“B-bossss,� I forced out softly. My vocal chords hurt to even whisper. I figured it was from all the coughing.

Gibbs heard me though, and he hit the button to raise the head of the bed more and then helped me lay back. God I was tired.

“It’s alright now Tony, don’t try to talk. I’ve got your six. You just focus on breathing.�

“C-case,â€� I croaked. I needed informationâ€"I needed to know what the hell was going on.

Gibbs must have realized that. Letting me hold the oxygen mask myself, he sat a little heavier on the bed and ran a hand over his forehead. “Finished it two days ago. You want to hear about it?�

I nodded slowly. Gibbs always understands me.

“You up for it?�

I nodded again and coughed, but only a small cough this time. Gibbs reached for the rollaway table and held a cup of water with a straw out. “Take a small sip, Tony,� he said softly. “If you drink it too fast you might get sick. You got sick yesterday morning from drinking too fast.�

Had I woke up yesterday? I couldn’t remember Gibbs being with me, and I certainly didn’t remember getting sick from chugging water down too fast. But one thing I did knowâ€"Gibbs would never lie to me. So if Gibbs said I got sick, then I knew I must have gotten sick.

So I sipped the water slowly, and was grateful for the cool liquid on my sore throat. “Don’t…remember…� I whispered.

I flinched in surprise when Gibbs ruffled my hair. “I’m not surprised. You were pretty out of it…you’ve been pretty out of it for a couple of days now. Your fever got really high and you scared the hell out of all of us. You nearly quit breathing completely a couple of times.�

I didn’t answer; I was content to just listen to the Bossman talk. It was so rare for Gibbs to speak more than a few words at a time…it felt like story time and I didn’t want to miss a word of it. That, and I knew Gibbs was filling me in on some vital information. He would tell me about who did thisâ€"this was the person who’d nearly killed meâ€"and according to the doctors, still might succeed. I wanted to know all the details.

“The woman who did this…her name is Hannah Lowell. She’s the CEO of Lowell Pharmaceuticals. Lowell has a brain tumor that is causing psychotic episodes and insane behaviors. She had this strain of Y. Pestis created with a suicide strain.�

I was confused. What did Gibbs mean by a suicide strain? Was I still in danger? My face must have given away my confusion because Gibbs stopped. “There’s still no cure for the plague Tony,� Gibbs told me quietly, his voice full of regret. “If she hadn’t made the virus with the suicide strain…�

No. I shook my head. No wayâ€"impossible. Gibbs had to be wrong about this. My eyes widened as Gibbs put his hands on my shoulders and moved his face closer to mine so he could look right in my eyes. I felt my gut twist slightly. “If she hadn’t created the virus with a suicide strain you’d be dead Tony. There’s no way you would have survived otherwise,â€� he told me gently.

I shook my head and slowly moved the oxygen mask away. I needed to make Gibbs understandâ€"needed him to know I wasn’t going down without a fight. “Wasn’t gonna…die…Boss.â€�

“Tonyâ€"â€�

“You ordered…me to live…Wasn’t gonna…disobey a…direct order…from you…Boss.�

Gibbs’ mouth opened and closed and to me he kinda looked a bit like a fish out of water. I shifted again and wincedâ€"moving really hurt.

Gibbs helped me move again and I knew he could see the silent ‘thank you’ in my expression.

“So…now what,� I managed to pant out softly once I was situated.

“Now you get better. Dr. Pitt has you on the highest powered antibiotics and steroids you can be on, and you’re on bed rest for the foreseeable future.�

Dammit. “Any chance…of me…getting out…of here…anytime?� My voice was getting quieter and quieter, and I could sense there would be a nap in my near future. Who knew talking could be so exhausting?

“I haven’t heard yet DiNozzo,� Gibbs said gently. “You’ll stay here as long as the doctor says you need to, but you won’t be alone; I’m not leaving. Morrow took us off of active cases for a while.�

I had just started to doze off, but my eyes popped open wide at Gibbs’ words. I didn’t fight him when he put the oxygen over my nose and mouth, and tried not to make it obvious when I gratefully sucked in the wonderful air.

“Breathe slow Tony. Don’t want you turning blue on me again. Morrow put us on cold cases because I’m down two agents right now. You’re in the hospital and Kate’s still got her cold so everyone’s off. I’m staying with you and Ducky’s checking up on Kate regularly.�

I smiled behind the oxygen mask as I felt Gibbs fussing with the blankets a bit. Was he tucking me in?

“Don’t…hafta…stay,� I whispered as my eyes dropped shut without my permission. Definitely going to be sleeping soon.

Gibbs ran his fingers through my hair again and gently squeezed one of my hands. “Not leaving Tony. No reason for you to be alone right now.�

Relief washed over me and my eyes fell shut and I didn’t bother trying to open them again. I knew Gibbs would still be there. “Thanks Boss,� I whispered.


Part Two: Ducky

I don’t know how this young man always seems to find such trouble. When Jethro told me they had all come into contact with the mysterious white powder, I thought I feared the worst.

But this was worse than I feared. Much, much worse.

I felt like I was letting Anthony and Caitlyn down somehow when I sent them to Bethesda, but I knew if they actually ended up contracting the Pneumonic Plague the hospital would be the only place that could help them. There is no cure for the Pneumonic Plague and I knew that there would be a likely chance that if one or both of them contracted it they may possibly pass away before the quarantine ban on the building was lifted.

Watching those two dears leave my autopsy lab and knowing that their return trip may be to lie on one of my tables, was perhaps one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do.

Later, once the ban was lifted, we all hurried over to the hospital to await news on Anthony and Caitlyn. I was surprised by how awful Anthony appeared when I arrived at the isolation ward and I looked through the glass at the dear boy lying in the bed, his face ashen, body shivering with chills from the fever, coughing and spitting up blood, his whole system rebelling against him and leading him towards a most horrific death indeed.

I blinked in surprise when Caitlyn rushed out of the isolation chamber to greet me. Somehow she had not contracted the plague but told me Anthony had. Her words came as no surprise however; I had deduced on my own that Anthony had contracted the plague the moment I laid eyes on him. My worst fears were being realized. This charming, good and honest person, this brilliant young man that I had come to adore so absolutely was dying right before our very eyes and there was nothing any of us could do about it.

“He’s going to die Ducky,� Caitlyn wailed as she threw herself against me.

I hugged her tightly and tried my best to offer the poor girl some comfort and sooth her fears, even though her fears and my own were the same. I wanted nothing more than to go sit with Anthony and care for him, offering him whatever comforts I could provide for him for as long as the lad had left. The plague does not kill as many people as it did in the Middle Ages, however there are still those who are not able to survive the pneumonic plagueâ€"especially when the virus is inhaled directly as Anthony did.

I heard a rustling behind us and knew that it must be Jethro. My suspicions were confirmed as my dear friend stormed past us, a look of barely harbored rage on his face.

“Like hell he is,� Jethro muttered and he stormed into the isolation ward.

Caitlyn and I stood outside and watched as Jethro leaned over and looked closely at Anthony. It was impossible to tell if he actually spoke or not because his face was partially hidden from our view. He reached up and tapped Anthony on the head and I nearly followed Jethro into the room to give him a piece of my mindâ€"headslapping Anthony right now was not going to help anythingâ€"but then I saw the lad nod his head and Jethro nodded and stood up. He took the boy’s hand and put a cell phone in it. Then he turned and started back toward us.

Caitlyn looked at me with a puzzled expression on her face and I could only shrug. I didn’t understand the exchange I’d just seen, but it appeared that Anthony was resting easier after it. Jethro rejoined us in the hallway.

“He’s going to be fine,� he said confidently. “I’ll check back on him in a while; for now I have to question Hannah Lowell.� Jethro started to step away but then stopped and turned back to us.

“Duck…will you stay with him? I don’t want him to be alone…Kate you need to go home and get some real sleep, you look like hell.�

“Of course I will Jethro. May I ask…what’s happened?� I needed to know what the situation was I was stepping into in order to best help Anthony now.

“The virus has a suicide strain and kills itself off after 32 hours.�

I glanced at my watch and quickly did the math. “And after that he isn’t contagious anymore because the plague virus is dead?�

“Exactly. Now he’s just got to fight off this pneumonia. He’ll do it. I know he will.�

“How do you know that Gibbs,� Caitlyn asked.

Jethro shrugged and started to walk away again. “He hasn’t disobeyed a direct order yet. I’m not expecting him to start now,� he said and was gone, leaving Caitlyn and I alone to gaze at the pale young man under the haunting blue lights.

xxx

The interrogation and questioning took longer than anyone anticipated and Jethro still hadn’t returned to stay with Anthony when Dr. Pitt decided to move him to the intensive care unit. He wouldn’t be under quarantine any longer, but he still needed acute careâ€"he was still gravely ill and could still possibly die. The fever was becoming an increasing concern as the antipyretic medication was only bringing his temperature down marginallyâ€"his fever was still raging and brain damage was becoming a frightening possibility.

I gently laid a cool damp washcloth on Anthony’s head, glancing out the window as the sun, marred by clouds, set on the second day of his illness. Anthony groaned softly under my ministrations and I watched with rapt attention as his eyes fluttered open slowly. The dear boy was far from coherent though, clear to me in the fogginess of his gaze.

A tear escaped down the boy’s cheek and I brushed it away gently with the cool cloth that I was using to bathe the rest of his body.

“Ducky,� Anthony called to me; his voice so weak that I knew it must hurt him to speak.

“Right here my boy,� I reassured him, knowing he needed to hear it.

“Did…’nyone…call…m’father?�

I fought down the urge to groan. “No dear boy, we haven’t called yet. Would you like me to? I will do it myself.�

Anthony shook his head just slightly and his eyes slid shut again, already exhausted. “Won’ come,� he slurred softly. “Don’ bother…�

I brushed my fingers through the boy’s hair, frowning at the heat of the fever. “Oh Anthony,� I whispered.

“You would be…a good dad,� Anthony’s words touched my heart. However, it took everything within me to not sob when he spoke his next words. “Thanks for…caring…my father…doesn’t…�

After that the poor boy dropped off to sleep almost instantly. I bathed away his fever for a while longer, and watched as it began to rain outside. I wondered what was keeping Jethro, but didn’t mind to stay with Anthony. This boy was in desperate need of a family, of people who would care about him unconditionally and support him when life handed him heavy burdens. I sat down in the old chair next to the bed and gently lifted Anthony’s warm hand into mine and squeezed gently.

Anthony DiNozzo Senior was an old fool.


Part 3: Abby

“McGee! You can’t pretend like this didn’t happen! You’re like the biggest germphobe in the world! Now get your butt down here and come see Tony!�

I snapped my own phone shut and glared at it in frustration. Of all the times for McGee to act like a silly probie…if he didn’t come see Tony I was never going to forgive him. I heard a noise and looked up. The ICU doors were opening and Gibbs and Ducky stepped out. I hopped up out of the chair and ran to both of them, depositing hugs and kisses on both men.

“Sit down Abs,� Gibbs said softly, returning my hug. I didn’t like his tone of voice, so I did what he said. He was too serious and Gibbs only got this serious when things were really bad. I looked at Ducky and saw the grim look on his face as he slowly sat down on my other side.

“Guys I want to go see Tony! He needs me! I need toâ€"â€�

“You need to listen Abigail,� Ducky said softly. “You need to understand what you’re going to see when you visit Anthony.�

I looked from Gibbs to Ducky and couldn’t keep the fear out of my expression. Gibbs let out a long breath and leaned back in the chair, slumping down like he was exhausted. But Gibbs didn’t slump, and Gibbs didn’t sigh, so I knew this must be really, really bad. Like, life altering bad. Stupid Tony why’d he have to open that silly SWAK letter???

“Abs…Tony’s very sick.�

“I know that Gibbs. He’s got pneumonia.�

“It’s more than that Abigail. This is not just a mere cold with a cough. It’s more like he’s…drowning, for lack of a better word. There are moments when he is gasping for air, others when he appears to quit breathing altogether. When he wakes up he’s quite incoherent. He’s quite ill and could still possibly die. His appearance is quite frightening thanks to the cyanosis, and that coupled with the respiratory distress…it’s not a pretty sight you’re going to witness, my dear.�

I didn’t want to believe what they told me. Ducky and Gibbs both tried to warn me repeatedly that Tony looked awful, but I didn’t want to believe it. I finally stood up and pushed past them both and rushed down the hall to the small cubicle to Tony.

I should have listened.

I’d heard Ducky using words like “cyanotic� and “respiratory distress� but I didn’t really understand what that would do to a person’s appearance, even though Ducky warned me about it. I froze in the doorway and just stared at Tony. I couldn’t force myself to go any farther and I jumped slightly when two hands rested gently on my shoulders.

“Go on in Abs. He may not wake up, but he’ll know you’re there.� Gibbs gently nudged me forward even as I turned and buried my face into Gibbs’ shoulder. I didn’t want to see. I’d take back every teasing comment I’d made to McGee, but I did not think I could handle seeing Tony like…this…

Together Gibbs and I approached the bed where Tony was. He was wearing an oxygen mask, and his hair was all messed upâ€"more than normalâ€"sticking up in sweaty spikes, and his eyes were closed. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his face looked all…I dunno, sunken in on itself. The worst part was his breathing. He was gasping. Not breathing deep, not snoring…gasping. For every breath.

“Gibbs…Gibbs he can’t breathe,� I whispered. I mean he was breathing but he…I shuddered and Gibbs noticed.

“This is what we tried to warn you about,� he said gently and I nodded. I couldn’t stop staring at Tony. I didn’t want to look, but I couldn’t look away. Gibbs nudged me a bit closer to Tony. “They’ve told us to talk to him,� he said softly and nodded towards our friend. “Let him know you’re here, Abs.�

I nodded but I couldn’t make my mouth work. For the first time in my life I couldn’t think of anything to say.

Gibbs reached around me and gave Tony’s hand a squeeze and shook his shoulder slightly. “Tony? Tony wake up a minute. Abby’s here. Tony?�

Tony took a deepâ€"well a deeperâ€"breath and his eyes fluttered open. Ohmygosh he looked even worse with his eyes open. His eyes widened a little bit when he saw me and he tried to smile behind the oxygen mask. I could feel tears burning my eyes and I willed myself not to cry. Tony didn’t really look like he was with itâ€"I mean he was awake, but he didn’t look like he was really processing what was going on. I didn’t think he’d remember this later.

“H-hey Tony,� I finally manage, but my voice cracked horribly and wobbled.

He looked around like he was trying to understand what was going on, and he kept glancing back at me, and I kept trying to smile and be brave like he always isâ€"because Tony is never scared, and he’s always braveâ€"but this was just so scary and it’s Tony and he’s like my best friend and I don’t know what I’d do if he didn’t survive this, but I couldn’t find my voice to tell him to get better, to fight this.

Tony was starting to breathe harder. He looked like he was trying to push himself up but he didn’t have the energy. I glanced up at the monitors and one of the numbers was droppingâ€"fast.

“Gibbs,â€� I couldn’t take my eyes off the monitor. Something was wrongâ€"Tony needed help.

Gibbs’ eyes narrowed a bit and he glanced down at Tony. Finally he looked up at me. “Abby do me a favor. I need you to go get Tony some comfortable sweats and his music headphone thingy that he listens to. Tell Ducky to come back here when you see him.�

Tony was starting to gasp harder and Gibbs nodded at me. “Go now Abs,â€� Gibbs said. I all but ran out of the room. Gibbs sounded scaredâ€"Gibbs is never scared. I rushed down the hall and barely slowed down when I saw Ducky.

“Gibbs needs you,â€� I called to Ducky as I burst through the doors. I had to get out of there, I had to get away. But even as I ran for the entrance of the hospital I felt guilty. Tony was one of my best friends; he’d protected me, stood up for me, laughed with me, gotten drunk with me…and he was dying and I was running away. I was a terrible friendâ€"an awful personâ€"I didn’t deserve to have a friend like Tony.

It wasn’t until I was sitting in my car, trying to stop crying and not throw up that I remembered Gibbs’ request. Tony needed sweats and his iPod. I could do this; I’ve got a key to Tony’s apartment. And once I had Tony’s things well I would just deliver them back to Gibbs and it would be alright…Tony would lay in bed in his comfy sweats and listen to his iPod and get better.

Tony would get better. He had to.

xxx

When I got back to the hospital, Ducky and Gibbs weren’t around. I figured they were still back with Tony. I pulled out my cell phone and texted Ducky to tell them I was back and in the waiting room. A few minutes later he came out. Ducky looked nervous, a little bit scared and very, very old. Ducky never looks old.

“How is he Ducky?�

Ducky came and sat down beside me and took one of my hands and held it in his. The expression on his face was a little bit sad and very worried.

“He isn’t doing well Abigail, I won’t lie to you. Dr. Pitt is not overly optimistic in his prognosis. They’ve upped Anthony’s oxygen and are discussing the possibility of introducing a bipap or a ventilator. The ventilator is the last resort though because using it can cause pneumonia and in Anthony’s case could actually make him worse.�

“He can’t get any worse,� I said softly. He’d die. There was no way Tony could get any worse.

“Gibbs is with him and watching him very closely. He’s not going to let Anthony give up without a fight. They’ll only introduce these more drastic measures if it is absolutely necessary.�

“Aren’t they giving him medicine? I mean there has to be something that Dr. Pitt hasn’t tried yet! Tell him to try harder to work harderâ€"Ducky this is Tony! He can’t die…he just can’t.â€�

“He’s not going to die Abs.�

I looked up and saw Gibbs standing in the doorway. “His O2 sats are back up Duck and he’s resting easier. That last coughing fit really took a lot out of him though.�

“Has Dr. Pitt said anymore about the mechanical breathing devices?�

Gibbs nodded. “He wants to hold off. Said that it’s good he’s coughing and putting him on the ventilator will take away his ability to cough. He needs to expel all that shit out of his lungs, so coughing is good. It’s hell to watch, but we need him to keep coughing as much as he can.�

Gibbs looked at me then. He looked a lot older too and it worried me. “Did you get the things I asked you to?�

I nodded and held out the bag I’d put together for Tony. Socks, boxers, sweatpants, his favorite Ohio State sweatshirt, some t-shirts. I also packed his shaving kitâ€"I know Tony hates to get scruffy. I made sure his iPod was fully loaded with all his favorite songs and packed the charger too. Gibbs quickly went through the bag and then smiled. He leaned over and kissed me on my cheek and for one brief second I let myself pretend that everything was normal.

“Thanks Abs,� he said softly. All sense of normal went down the drain. Gibbs never thanks anyone for anything. “Tony’ll appreciate you getting his stuff for him.�

I smiled weakly and Ducky and I watched as Gibbs walked back through the double doors to go back to Tony, bag in hand.

“Jethro is right you know,� Ducky said softly after a moment. “Tony will be very grateful for those items.�

I nodded and pulled my knees up to my chest, wishing I could hear those words from my friend’s mouth, praying he’d get better enough to tell me himself. I tried to imagine life without Tony in it and shuddered.

Tony just couldn’t die.


Part 4: Kate

Ducky and I stood outside the isolation ward for a few minutes after Gibbs left. I looked at Ducky and nodded before heading back into the isolation ward. I know Gibbs told me to go home and get some rest, but I also knew he wouldn’t be back for a while and I couldn’t stand the idea of leaving Tony alone in that…that box.

Dr. Pitt had said that the hard part was overâ€"the virus had stopped reproducing, the suicide gene in the virus had activated and the plague virus was gone. But like any force of nature that wreaks havoc, all the virus left in its aftermath was destruction. Tony was gasping for air, coughing weaklyâ€"he wasn’t able to cough hardâ€"he was too exhausted. I looked around and smiled as Dr. Pitt turned off the blue lights. That was the most promising thing I’d seen all day.

I stood by him for a minute, just watching him sleep. I finally climbed into the bedâ€"it was not a bed, it was more like a boardâ€"and let out a long breath. I thought of Tony and what a hedonist he was. Isâ€"don’t go there Kate; don’t start thinking about him like he’s dead. I glanced over at him, wondering at the man who talked incessantly about the fine sheets on his bed, the fluffiness of his mattress, the soaps he bought, the suits he wore…and I knew that Tony had to be sick if he was sleeping so peacefully on this “bed.â€�

I hadn’t been laying down long when I heard Tony’s breathing change and I looked over at him.

“You know…� he gasped softly, “this reminds…me of…the end of…Alien…�

I smirked in the dimly lit room. Tony would be just fine. I was sure of it.

xxx

When I finally went home, I spent the next week in my bed trying to fight off this cold. I stayed in contact with Ducky and Gibbs to stay updated on how Tony was doing. I knew that I may as well stay homeâ€"if I was sick they weren’t going to let me in to see him.

But finally I woke up and wasn’t stuffed up and actually could breathe through my nose. To be on the safe side, I decided to wait an extra day before going to visit Tony. I called Gibbs and he told me that there was a Respiratory Therapist working with Tony, doing breathing exercises with him and beating on his back to help break up the congestion.

“He’s doing better Kate,� Gibbs told me. “The doctors are sounding more positive each day. He’s going to be fine.�

So the next day I called Ducky to ask him if he thought I’d be okay to go see Tony. He’d been moved out of the ICU two days ago and was in a regular room now. According to Ducky, they’d brought in a cot for Gibbs and Ducky had brought him a bag from home.

“You mean Gibbs isn’t leaving the hospital?�

“No my dear,� Ducky told me over the phone. “Jethro hasn’t left Tony’s side for more than fifteen minutes at a time since he finished questioning Hannah Lowell.�

“Not at all?� I couldn’t believe that. I mean I know that Gibbs and Tony are close, and Gibbs is Tony’s medical proxy and everything, but I just couldn’t imagine Gibbs camping out in a hospital room watching Tony sleep for days on end.

“Not at all,� Ducky said. “He’s really doing wonders for Anthony. The lad is in good spirits and is making improvements each day.�

Well I decided I needed to see this for myself. I figured Tony must be doing lots betterâ€"if he was out of ICU that had to be good. I knew from Ducky what room Tony was in so I headed that way as soon as I got to the hospital. I stepped off the elevator and stopped at the door, watching as a group of people in front of me ambled slowly down the other end of the hall ahead of me.

There was a dark haired man on a walker. I was tempted to ease by them and head on to Tony’s room, but then I noticed the gray haired man walking behind the dark haired man. The gray haired man was pushing a wheelchair. There was a person walking next to the guy on the walker, watching him carefully and pushing a mobile oxygen tank along beside the walker. I narrowed my eyes…surely that wasn’t…

The dark haired man suddenly broke into a harsh cough. He leaned over the walker, hacking and choking and the men with him patiently waited as the coughing fit passed. The dark haired man’s navy blue robe dragged the ground a bit as he continued to bend at the waist, coughing and coughing. The gray haired man moved around the wheelchair and put a hand on the dark haired man’s elbow to steady him, thumping his back firmly with the heel of his hand right between the shoulder blades as he coughed.

A moment later the guy pushing the oxygen tank let out a surprised noise followed by a splattering sound. The man who was doubled over coughing had just vomited on the floor. The guy pushing the tank stepped away and returned a moment later with something to wipe the poor guy’s face off with. The gray haired man held the dark haired man steady as the other guy carefully locked the wheels on the chair. A moment later they helped the guy sit down in the chair and the gray haired man ran a hand over the back of the dark haired man’s head. I finally caught a good look at the gray haired man’s profile and I gasped. It was Gibbs. But…oh God that meant the other guy was Tony…

An orderly showed up with the mop bucket to clean up the mess and Gibbs looked up and saw me. He stared at me for a long moment before nodding once and turning his attention back to Tony. Tony was still gasping and coughing a bit and I watched as the other guy moved the walker out of the way and unlocked the wheels on Tony’s chair. Gibbs picked up the walker and the other guy started pushing Tony down the hall until they rounded a corner and were out of sight.

I hung back for a moment, knowing my friend well enough to know he’d die of embarrassment if he knew I’d just witnessed that. It was probably bad enough for him that Gibbs had witnessed it. I pulled out my phone and sent Ducky a text message.

I thought u said T was better?

A moment later my phone vibrated in my hand and I flipped it open.

He is better Caitlyn. Are you visiting him?

I just got here and saw T, G and some other guy walking. T thru up n floor from coughing.

That poor boy. Have you spoken with him? He’s quite fragile right now.

Haven’t spoken yet Ducky. I’ll b nice.

And if Jethro is a bit of a bear ignore it. He is only worried about Anthony.

Thanks Ducky. Call u later.

I took a deep breath and steeled myself. I needed to go see my friend, but up until this moment I hadn’t realized how difficult that was going to be.


Part 5: Gibbs

“The only way Tony can be released from the hospital is if he has someone to keep an eye on him.�

“He can stay at my house. He’ll never make it up all those stairs in his building right now.� I volunteered my house before I even had a chance to think twice about it.

Dr. Pitt nodded. “I think that sounds like a good plan Agent Gibbs. I know Tony will be excited to hear he’s finally getting out of here.�

“He hates being in the hospital.�

“If he’s staying with you…I can go ahead and begin the discharge process. We can get him out of here sometime tomorrow if that works for you.�

I agreed and the moment we left the conference room I pulled out my phone and called Abby. I told her to round up McGee and Kate and get over to my house. I keep a clean house anyway, but with Tony and his fragile lungs bedding down at my house, I was taking no chances. I told Abby to get the sawdust up out of the basement too, just in case.

Tony and I didn’t get much sleep that night. It seemed like he couldn’t get a breath without coughing, and I was quickly beginning to think the knot in my gut would never go away. I held him up and wacked him on the back like Pitt taught me to, until my arm was sore and still Tony coughed. I was wondering how the hell the doctor figured that Tony should go home and I was concerned about Tony getting worse under my care.

The nightshift nurse came in during the very early morning hours before the sun rose and gave Tony another breathing treatment. The nurses and doctors had showed me how to work the nebulizer and how to add the different medicines and set it up. Once the treatment was finished, the nurse raised a cup of water with a straw to Tony’s lips.

“You need to rinse your mouth Agent DiNozzo,� she said softly. I bit back a smirk at the way Tony cut his eyes at her. The medicines made him feel dizzy and sick, but I also knew his throat was dry and irritated from the treatment. Tony took a quick sip and spit it out like he was supposed to and then looked longingly at the cup. The nurse smiled and held the straw to Tony’s lips again. “Small sips,� she coached him gently as he tried to greedily suck the water down.

I knew he was thirsty and dehydrated, but I was scared he was going to make himself sick. “Take it easy Tony,� I encouraged him softly. Tony nodded and slowed down his drinking.

After the nurse left, I tucked the blankets a little higher around Tony. “Should get some rest,� I murmured softly to him. He smiled tiredly at me, and I saw that his hands were shaking a bit from the breathing treatment. I know the made him feel restless and jittery, and I ran my fingers through his hair in an effort to calm him. “I’ll keep an eye on you Tony, just sleep,� I said softly.

“B’sss,� he croaked softly. His voice was usually rough after a breathing treatment.

I looked at him carefully, waiting on him to work out what he wanted to say and catch his breath well enough to say it.

“You should…sleep…too,� he said softly.

“I’ll sleep later, don’t worry about me DiNozzo,� I said with a chuckle.

Tony blinked sleepily and looked at me. “Don’ hafta…stay…Boss.�

“I’ve stayed this long, I’m not going anywhere. And tomorrow we’re both out of here.�

Tony smiled and blinked again. He’d be asleep in no time. I stepped to the door to turn off the lights and was surprised when Tony spoke again.

“Boss,� he called me again.

“Yeah Tony?� I stepped back to his side and looked at him in the dim room.

“’m I…’m I ready to…go home?...I mean…really?�

If I were honest, I’d been asking myself this question ever since Dr. Pitt told me he was ready to release him. But I also knew Tony would worry about being too much of a burden if I showed doubt. So I tapped him lightly on the head.

“Dr. Pitt wouldn’t release you if you weren’t ready. It’s going to be fine Tony. You’ll see.�

I’ll never understand the blind faith this boy has in me, but he nodded his head and closed his eyes after that and quickly fell asleep. Satisfied that he was down for the count, at least until the next coughing fit, I laid down on the cot they’d gotten me, and I soon followed Tony into sleep.

xxx

Everyone wanted to be at the house when I brought Tony home, but I quickly nixed that idea. I know Tony would try to downplay how serious his condition was and how shitty he was feeling if everyone was there. He’d feel the need to make everyone else feel better and comfort them and reassure them that he was fine, and right now he could barely walk across the room without falling overâ€"he’s far from fine.

I helped Tony get out of the car and wondered for a long moment how the hell we were going to make it into the house. The respiratory and physical therapists both agreed that it might be better if Tony brought the walker homeâ€"just to give him some added stability during those first few days. Tony grumbled, but didn’t refuse the walker when I set it in front of him.

We made our way up to the house, me letting him do it as much as he was able on his own. He faltered a bit at the stairs up to the porch, but I helped him and we took our time, and made it to the top without any issues. It was a warm day out and I knew Tony hated being cooped up inside, so I let him relax on the porch for a few minutes while I got his things in from the car and got the bed ready for him.

When I stepped back out onto the porch, Tony was seated in the rocking chair, head back, eyes closed, breathing nice and slow, and I hated to wake him because it looked like he was finally getting some decent sleep. I turned to go back inside and double check everything when I heard Tony gasp and knew the coughing would come next. Hurrying back to the front porch I saw the portable oxygen tank sitting on the floor beside his chair, canula still in his nose. I quickly attached the oxygen mask to the tube and traded it for the canula and put it gently over his face as he coughed.

“Just breathe, Tony,� I whispered. My hand was on the back of his neck, holding him steady and he leaned up, coughing hard, and propped himself weakly against me. “I’ve got you,� I whispered, but I didn’t know if he could actually hear me while he was coughing that hard. “Gonna be alright,� I promised. Dr. Pitt assured me this was normal, that Tony would have bad coughing fits from the pneumonia. Didn’t make it any easier to watch though.

Finally Tony quit coughing and took a shallow sip of air. He smiled gratefully and his eyes fell shut as he took another successful breath without coughing. “Let’s go inside Tony,� I said softly and hooked one hand under his elbow. Tony, still leaning against me, nodded.

xxx

Tony had been out of the hospital for three days when the first nightmare hit. Scared me tooâ€"woke me from a sound sleep and had me running across the hall in a matter of moments. Tony was on his back, gasping and choking, trying to cough, but not getting enough air, even with the oxygen mask he slept in. I carefully turned the oxygen up a bit as the doctor had taught me to do, and started waking DiNozzo up.

He popped up quickly and the coughing fit took over then. It was a bad one, and I found myself pounding him on the back to help him cough up the gunk in his lungs. After coughing for what seemed like agesâ€"it was a long coughing fitâ€"probably close to fifteen minutes, Tony finally sagged against me. I thought he’d immediately fall back asleep, but he was blinking hard like he was trying to stay awake.

“Wanna talk about it?�

He raised his head and his eyes slid over my face slowly, as though trying to process the question. He was so quiet these days it was disturbing, but I knew that was because it required so much energy to talkâ€"energy he just didn’t have.

“N-nightmare,� he whispered softly, his voice broken by the coughing.

I smiled sympathetically at him. I hated that he was going through all of this, and was grateful I was able to help him through it. “Kind of gathered that much,� I offered gently.

“It’s…stupid,� Tony gasped softly.

I shook my head and stared him down. “Not stupid if it woke you up DiNozzo. What was it?�

“Dreamed I…was in a lake…trying to swim…kept…kept sinking…drowning…I was drowning Boss,� he said softly, breaking off into a weak cough. He looked up at me again, a sheepish expression on his face and it made my heart hurt to see my strong agent like this. “Scared to…sleep Boss…scared I…I won’t wake up,� he whispered. “I’m just so…� his voice trailed off as he ran out of air, “so scared,� he panted finally.

I pulled him into a gentle hug, being careful not to smother him. “I won’t let you drown Tony,� I promised him. That was something I could promise him; I would haul him up and beat the mucus out of him if I had to. “I know you’re scared and feeling vulnerable, and I know that makes you feel worse because you like to be strong.�

I lifted his face and forced him to look me in the eye. “You are strong, Tony. The doctors said you had a fifteen percent chance of surviving. They told us you likely wouldn’t survive. But I knew you wouldâ€"I knew you’d pull throughâ€"because you are strong. You’re stronger than a fifteen percent chance. But you need to understand that being strong sometimes means accepting help. You don’t have to be embarrassed about it Tony; you aren’t asking me to help youâ€"I’m offering to help you. And you’ll make it through this; I promise you will make it through this.â€�

xxx

Tony ended up missing almost eight weeks of work because of his bout with the plague. The pneumonia and subsequent respiratory and physical therapies took time to complete, and once he was done with that he had to pass the work physical, the psych eval, and requalify with his duty weapon before he was allowed to come back.

Tony stayed with me for five weeks before feeling strong enough to go back to his apartment. That five weeks was filled with coughing, breathing treatments, and nightmares, but also home cooked meals, laughter and the tender loving care that DiNozzo so desperately needed to recover from almost dying. I stopped by the coffee shop as I always do on my way into NCIS on the morning of Tony’s return, and smirked when he stepped on the elevator with me.

We’d seen each other or spoken every day since I’d joined him at the hospital eight weeks earlier. I was able to take four of those eight weeks off to stay home with DiNozzo because he just wasn’t strong enough to stay on his own. Once he was doing better, things started to return to normal. Tony still looked like crap though and I told him so.

Tony shrugged off my criticism on his appearance and leaned against the wall of the elevator. Before we reached the bullpen I reached out and stopped the elevator.

“How are you feeling Tony? Really.�

Tony smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Never better, Boss,� he said.

The mask was on, firmly locked into place, and rock solidâ€"nothing could shake it. Tony seemed much more like his old self and I smiled.

“You know you have another week of sick leave you could take.�

Tony shot me a cheesy smile and shook his head. “I’m good, Boss. Besides, you need me and Kate and McGee miss me. Can’t have that!�

I hit the button to restart the elevator and rolled my eyes to the ceiling. Yes, things were definitely getting back to normal.

End