Dreams in the snow.

Tim sat watching the snow falling outside the window to his apartment. The apartment felt as cold to Tim as the world outside and then even colder. His heart was broken and his soul shattered. He felt empty and cold just like the world outside his window. In one brief moment his world was lost. He would cry if the tears would come but he had already cried so much that his eyes were now dry.
“After all we have been through, after all we meant to each other. How could he cheat on me. I gave him everything and after all this time he threw it all away. Just tossed me away like a piece of garbage. Why? What have I done to deserve this? What did I do wrong? Why does he hate me so much to hurt me like this? He said he loved me, if he loved me then why did he sleep with him? That's not love. I have nothing left to give. I am empty inside.” Tim lamented to the empty, cold apartment. He resigned himself to a cold bed, empty lonely nights. Never feeling his lovers arms around him again. Never kissing him again. Never feeling him inside of me again. Never being inside of him again. Never feeling his love or giving him mine.” How am I going to face him at work on Monday. I can't face him. Every one will know what a failure I am. Everyone will see how humiliated I am. I won't cause a scene or anything I'm just going to go in do my job and keep my head down like I did before. Maybe no one will notice. Maybe he won't even know I am there.” Tim knew there was no way to avoid seeing Gibbs. He knew that the hurt he felt inside was going to show on his face he never was good at hiding his feelings from the man. He would know that Tim had witnessed his betrayal. Tim just happened to be meeting his publisher that night at that very hotel. He knew that all he could do was duck and cover. He would have to avoid the man as much as possible until the end of the day. He knew that sure as the world they would have a case and he would be forced to face him and work with him. Tim knew that this was going to be one of the hardest things he ever did. He couldn't lie to Jethroe he was never able to do that. Jethroe would know as soon as he saw Tim's face that something was wrong. Not only him but Ziva and Tony both. Tony would be the worst to face, always needling him, making fun of him, telling him what a screw up and a failure he was. Tim could always count on Tony for making him feel so good about himself. He didn't know why but he always felt that Tony hated him deep down. Maybe he was being sensitive.
Tim continued to berate himself for some time. Finally he decided he needed to talk a walk to clear his head and order his thoughts. He needed to figure out a way to keep out of Jethroe's way and out from under his watchful eyes. Tomorrow was supposed to be their anniversary, but he doubted that. He figured that would be when Jethroe dumped him.
Tim picked up his coat and headed out the door, taking his phone, badge, and sidearm with him. He didn't expect trouble but with the way things were going in his life he didn't doubt that anything could happen. Not knowing where he was going, he just walked.
Tim walked without a clear destination in mind. How long he walked he didn't know. Suddenly he found himself in front of Gibbs house. How or why he came here he didn't know. He stood there in the shadows just watching the front of his lovers house.
The front door opened suddenly and Gibbs stepped out.
“McGee is that you?”
Tim just stood there not answering Gibbs. Suddenly he realized that Gibbs had used his last name again instead of calling him Tim. The hurt welled up inside the young man, as a single tear fell from his eye and rolled down his cheek. Tim then realized that what he thought they had had between them was gone. Their relationship was now over. What other explanation could there be when not at work he always called him Tim, until now. Tim hung his head in shame and turned to leave.
Suddenly his arm was caught in Gibbs tight grip. He looked up into Gibbs blue eyes and saw the truth in those eyes that had once looked at him with so much love, now that was gone. He knew the truth that they were finished. Tears began to fall freely from Tim's eyes. Hanging his head in shame and defeat, so Gibbs wouldn't see how much he was hurt and ashamed, doing his best to hide his hurt.
He turned once again to leave, suddenly not wanting to be anywhere near his former lover.
Gibbs turned Tim to face him. Lifting the young man's chin so he could see into Tim's eyes. Gibbs saw what Tim was so desperately trying to hide from him. Gibbs saw the pain, hurt, and something he didn't recognize that the young man was feeling.
“Timothy whats wrong? Please tell me?” Gibbs pleaded desperation in his voice.
“ Please Jethroe, just let me go. I know when and where I'm not wanted. So please let me go.” Tim's voice was full of the sadness he was feeling inside.
“ Timothy McGee how dare you say that I don't want you? What ever gave you that idea?”
“Please we both know that you don't want me any more. Please stop torturing me like this and just let me leave.” Tim pleaded.
“ If you don't want to talk about this Tim then okay. At least come in and have a cup of coffee and get warmed up. Its freezing out here.”
Tim started to respond then just shook his head in resignation. Gibbs wouldn't take no for an answer. Instead he guided the younger man into the house, where it was warm, and to the kitchen table to get a cup of coffee for the two of them.
As soon as Gibbs back was turned, Tim got up as silently as possible, and walked out and down the steps. Doing his best to not alert Gibbs. He couldn't bear to see Gibbs face again tonight. He hurt to much.
When Gibbs turned around, Tim was gone. “Dam you Timothy McGee. Why won't you talk to me? What have I done to hurt you so much that you would leave like this. What did I do to cause you so much pain?” Gibbs screamed.
Gibbs sat defeated in the chair in front of him. “ I've made all these plans for tomorrow. I wanted this 5yr anniversary to be so special. I had something special to ask him and he is acting like I'm dumping him. What am I going to do if he won't come to the restaurant tomorrow night?” Gibbs thought to himself. He had to figure a way to get through to his stubborn, pig headed, young lover. This was to important to the both of them. For the first time in his life Gibbs was at a loss as to what to do.
Tim didn't stop running until he was halfway to his apartment. It was then he realized that his phone was ringing. Digging it out of his pocket he looked at the number and saw it was Gibbs. He didn't want to talk to him tonight he would just have to wait till tomorrow. He decided to ignore him and shut his phone off.
He would have to deal with him tomorrow at work. He couldn't deal with him tonight. Tonight he was hurting to much. Tim slipped inside his apartment, removed his wet clothes, and made himself some hot chocolate. When it was done he returned to the chair by the window and stared out at the snow that continued to fall. Tim didn't know how long he had slept in the chair. When he woke up he stretched, kicked off his boxers and climbed into bed naked and alone for the first time in 5yrs. Hugging Jethroe's pillow to him he cried himself back to sleep.
Tim didn't know how long he had slept that second time but he knew it was time to get up. He wanted to get to the office before the others and try and bury himself in his work. He started coffee, shaved, and showered. His heart heavy with worry at what this day would bring. He hoped he would be able to make it through the day without breaking down. He dressed hurriedly and left.
He hoped that he could stay away from Jethroe all day or at least stay hidden long enough to make it through the day. The last thing he needed was Jethroe confronting him. It was bad enough that he was going to have to spend the evening with him and try to make nice no matter how much he was hurting.
When Tim arrived, he sighed in relief that no one else was there yet. He had time to get to work and ignore the rest of the team when they came in. Tim sat down, fired up his computers and began to work, losing himself in his work. He became so lost that he didn't realize the rest of the team had arrived. He didn't bother to look up when Gibbs set down a cup of his favorite coffee. Tim kept his head down and stayed quiet. He refused to let Tony bait him and refused to acknowledge Tony's attempts to get him to talk.
It didn't go unnoticed how Tim was avoiding them and in particular Gibbs. It began to worry his friends and his lover.
Gibbs got up and went to the Directors office, Tim got up and went to the head leaving Tony and Ziva alone.
“ I wonder whats bugging McProbie. You would think he would be happy. Today is after all his and Gibbs anniversary. I thought the Boss had something big planned for them tonight?”
“I know. I don't understand whats going on with Tim. He was so happy on Friday and looking so forward to tonight and now he acts like he caught Gibbs cheating on him. Wait a minute you don't think that is what has happened do you Tony”
“Gibbs cheat on McGoo never. He loves that smuck to much. I know that Tim wouldn't hurt Gibbs for anything and yet they both seem to be hurting about something.”
Ziva started to say something just as Tim rounded the corner. He took one look at them and new they had been talking about him and Gibbs. That's just great now I'm the topic of office gossip. Tim thought.
Just as Tim was getting ready to sit down Gibbs came down the stairs and announced that they had a dead marine at Quantico. Tim just leaned down and picked up his gear like the rest of them. He was the last into the elevator and when they got to the lot, Gibbs announced “ McGee your with me.”
Once inside the car and it was moving Gibbs laid his hand on Tim's leg and was shocked when Tim pulled away. “ Timothy what is wrong with you today? You won't talk to me, Ziva, or Tony, why? Then last night you just ran off Why?” Gibbs asked.
Tim just sat there looking out the window doing his best to control his emotions, to hold back the tears that threatened to slip from his eyes.
When Tim didn't answer Gibbs just dropped it as they had came upon the crime scene. They processed the scene, with little or no conversation. The return trip was made in silence. Gibbs was really worried about Tim by this time. He knew something was wrong with his young lover but he had no clue as to what it could be.
When they got back to headquarters Tony and Ziva stepped off the elevator, but Gibbs stopped Tim from leaving. He let the doors close and pushed the down button. He pressed the stop button so they could have some privacy. Gibbs turned to look at Tim. Tim wouldn't look at him so Gibbs raised his chin so their eyes could meet. What he saw there shocked him to his core. He saw betrayal, hurt, pain and a grief that was immeasurable.
“Tim please tell me what is wrong? What have I done to hurt you so much? Please tell me.” Gibbs pleaded.
“Jethroe I don't want to talk about this not here and not now. Please until dinner tonight leave me alone. This is hard enough for me, don't make this any harder for me.” Tim pleaded casting his eyes back to the floor.
“If you don't want to talk about it now we won't.” Gibbs said taking the younger man in his arms and holding him close. He could feel his young lovers sobs. Gibbs continued to just hold him giving him the comfort that he could without words. Finally Tim wrapped his arms around Gibbs knowing this might be the last time hew would ever hold the man he loved with all his heart and soul. Gibbs felt Tim relax a little as Tim's sobs finally stopped.
“Are you going to be alright Tim?” Are we still having dinner tonight, because I have something very important to tell you?”
“I will be alright Jethroe. Yes I will be there for dinner.”
“Are you ready to go back upstairs and get to work.”
“I think so. Thank you Jethroe.” Tim said pulling Gibbs to him kissing him one last time.
“Tim I will pick you up at 20:00 hundred hours tonight be ready.” Gibbs said as as mile spread across his face as they broke their embrace.
They walked back to their desks and Tim once again became engrossed in his work.
Tim wasn't aware of the passage of time until he heard Gibbs tell Ziva and Tony to go home. Tim stood up, turned off his computers, and headed for the elevator. As he passed Gibbs desk, “ McGee”.
“Yes Boss.”
Gibbs leaned closer to his young lover and whispered in his ear, “ Tim I have had something come up, can you meet me at the restaurant?”
“Yes I can.” Tim said feeling his heart breaking into even smaller pieces.
Tim left Gibbs standing there watching his leave.
Tim settled behind the wheel of his car. Not really caring anymore if he lived or died. Driving away the tears and emotions he tried so hard all day to contain burst forth.
The tears falling so fast and heavy it almost blinded Tim. He didn't know how he got home safely.
Gibbs had seen and knew Tim was hurting. He just didn't know the reason for his young lovers pain. He had seen how hurt Tim was when he left. He hoped the first of his surprises would help to cheer up his young lover.
He knew that the first one had been delivered. He had asked the florist to call him when the delivery was made. He just hoped the roses he had sent Tim would help to heal what ever wound the young man had in his heart.
Once Tim got home he knew that he would get the second one delivered. The biggest surprise was yet to come at dinner, he just hoped that Tim would be there to get it.
When Tim got to his apartment, there in front of his door was the biggest bouquet of the most beautiful yellow roses Tim had ever seen. He couldn't figure out why there were roses at his door, when he didn't know anyone that would send him flowers. Hell he knew Jethroe wouldn't because the man didn't have a romantic bone in his body. He just figured the florist made a mistake. The only other person living on that floor at the moment was his elderly neighbor Mrs. Rainberry, perhaps they were ment for her. Tim just went to her door and knocked. When she answered she saw Tim standing there with the big rose bouquet.
“Mrs. Rainberry I think these were meant for you. I don't know anyone who would send me flowers.”
“Why thank you Tim, but why would someone send them to me? Are you sure that handsome man of yours wouldn't send them to you?”
“I am sure that Jethroe would never send them. Its not his style. Besides I know he wouldn't because he is going to break up with me at dinner tonight, so you see thats how I know that he wouldn't send them.”
“Thats such a shame Timothy. You two made such a handsome couple. After all this time and you really think he is going to break up with you? He seemed like he was so much in love with you and I know how much you love him.”
“ I know I thought he was in love with me also but he found someone else. I still don't know what he saw in me. It still doesn't mean it hurts, because it hurts like all get out.”

“ I'm sorry to hear that Timothy, your such a handsome, honest, caring, loving,young man. You deserve to have someone who loves you and someone to love. I hope that things will be alright with the two of you.”
“Thank you Mrs. Rainberry. I hope so as well but I don't think it will. Now if you'll excuse me I have to get ready for dinner. I don't want to keep Jethroe waiting. Good night.”
“Good night Timothy.”
Tim went back to his apartment and unlocked the door. Just as he was about to close it there came a knock.
“Are you Timothy McGee?”
“Yes and who are you?”
“I am James the delivery guy. I was told to bring this to you from a friend.”
James handed Tim a small slim package. Tim turned it over in his hands wondering what it could be. Without thinking Tim stuck it in his jacket pocket.
“Sir I need you to sign for it.”
“Yes, and thank you James.”
Tim handed the young man a ten dollar tip. James grinned from ear to ear. As he turned to leave he said, “ I hope you like it. I know if I got something like that I sure would. Your one lucky man Mr. McGee. Good night and please have a good time at dinner.”
Tim shut the door and began to undress so he could shower before dinner. Wondering at the delivery man's strange parting words. Tim forgot all about them when he looked at the time. He had only one hour to get ready and get to the restaurant. He jumped in the shower and took a quick one.
Tim forgot about the package as he raced to get to the restaurant on time. He knew that if he was late Gibbs would never let him hear the end of it. As he thought that he realized why should he care what Jethroe thought after tonight he would never see the man again except at work and he was going to resign anyway so he didn't have to be around his former lover anymore.
Tim arrived just as Gibbs was arriving. They meant at the door and Jethroe held it open for his young lover. Tim didn't protest as Gibbs slipped his arm around Tim's waist.
They were seated and a bottle of Tim's favorite wine was brought and served. As much as Gibbs tried to get Tim to talk he couldn't. Dinner was ordered, came and went. Gibbs asked Tim if he would like some dessert. Tim just shook his head. Finally Gibbs had enough.
“Tim please for one last time tell me what is wrong? I'm trying so hard to make this the best anniversary ever and your fighting me. Why?”
“Jethroe please just ask me what you were going to ask me and then let me leave with some of my dignity in tacked. We both know that this all a charade. I know your leaving me so why did you go through all this trouble?”

Jethroe was stunned by Tim's words. So shocked that for once in his life Leroy Jethroe Gibbs was speechless. Tim took his silence as all the proof he need and got up to leave when Gibbs was brought back to reality.
“Timothy McGee where in the hell did you ever get the idea that I was leaving you?” Gibbs exclaimed a little to loud. The restaurant became quiet.
“I saw you with that man the other night at the hotel and I saw you go up to his room. I know you were there most of the night. I know you slept with him when your supposed to love me so much. How could you do that to me Jethroe?”
Gibbs burst out in laughter, shocking Tim into silence. When Gibbs finally got himself under control he asked Tim, “ Timothy did you get the roses I sent you?”
“Those were for me? Really Jethroe? I thought the florist had made a mistake and that they were sent to Mrs. Rainberry my neighbor so I gave them to her. I never thought that you would of all people send me flowers much less roses and they were so beautiful. Oh my! Jethroe I am so sorry.”
“Tim it's ok. But didn't you get my other present? Or did you give it away to?”
“No I left it at home in my jacket...., suddenly Tim felt the bulge of the package in his pocket, … wait I guess I didn't its here in my pocket.”
“Well open it my stubborn lover.” Gibbs chided.
Tim quickly tore the package open to reveal a beautiful,small long box. Tim just stared at the name on the box. Tiffany and Co.
“Oh my God! Jethroe what have you done?”
“Well why don't you open it and see.”
Tim slowly opened the box to reveal a beautifully made gold bracelet. “Jethroe you shouldn't have. I can't take this its way to expensive.”
“Timothy McGee if I didn't love you with all my heart and soul I wouldn't have done this. Now let me put it on and before I do ready the inscription.”
Tim turned the bracelet over to read the beautifully scripted message. “ To the man who showed me what it was to live and love again. I give you my heart and soul Timothy McGee. Love always Leroy Jethroe Gibbs.”
Tims hands shook so bad as he looked up at Jethroe with nothing but love in his eyes as the tears once again flowed. Gibbs took the box out of Tim's trembling hand and placed it on the table. Wiping the tears from his lovers eyes Gibbs leaned in and kissed him, wrapping him in his arms. The restaurant erupted in cheers and applause.
Gibbs whispered in Tim's ear, “ I love you now and always Timothy McGee. Your my heart, my soul, my love and my life. Thank you for loving me. You never once asked for anything in return yet you gave all you had and were to me. Trusting me to never hurt you. For that I love and thank you with all my heart and soul.”
They held each other for a long time until Gibbs broke the embrace and instead of putting the bracelet on Tim's wrist he sank to one knee and withdrew a small lidded box.
“Tim you wanted to know what I was doing that night with that strange man well your about to get your answer.” Gibbs opened the box revealing a beautifully crafted men's wedding band.
“Timothy McGee it would be my greatest honor to take you for my husband now and forever. Will you Timothy McGee marry Leroy Jethroe Gibbs. To have and to hold in sickness and in health. I love you Tim with all my heart and soul. I am yours body, mind, spirit and heart. Please say yes. Tell me that you will be mine and I will be yours forever.”
Tim stood there shocked into silence. Quietly the whole of the restaurant stood to their feet. When a familiar voice said, “ Well answer the man son.” Jackson Gibbs said as he approached his two sons. Tears filling his eyes as he took in the love between the two men.
“Yes, I will marry you Leroy Jethroe Gibbs if you can ever forgive me for being such an ass.”
“Of course I can forgive you. As for being an ass well I think you have a really fine ass at that.”
The restaurant erupted in applause and laughter. Suddenly they were surprised to see all their friends and coworkers were the only ones in the restaurant. The two men looked at each other and just grinned.
“Jethroe did you arraign this?”
“No honestly it wasn't.....DAD!”
“Well son I couldn't let you and this handsome fella of yours celebrate this wonderful occasion all by yourselves now could I?”
“No dad I guess you couldn't. Thank you this is truly a wonder anniversary. What do you think Tim?”
“I think you both outdid yourselves on this one.” Without anyone noticing Tim slipped his hand inside his pocket and pulled out another small box.
“Jethroe I have a question for you.”
“Whats that Tim?”
“How did you know?”
“Know what Tim?”
“The design of the ring you just gave me?”
“I didn't it was something I designed myself one night after making love to you. Why?”
“It's nothing but ….” Tim said handing the box to Jethroe.
“It's your turn to open it.”
Jethroe looked at the small box in his hand. He slowly opened it to reveal an exact duplicate of the one that he had just given to Tim. “How did you....?”
“I also came up with this design while you were sleeping one night after we had made love. I never saw your design until tonight. I think this means we are destined to be together forever my love. By the way read the inscription.”
Gibbs took the ring out of the box and slowly read the inscription. They were the same exact words verbatim that he had just spoken to Tim.
Looking up at Tim they both felt the brush of angels wings. Tim slipped the ring on Jethroes hand and Jethroe slipped his on Tim's. Sealing forever their love.

Just goes to show that true love wins every time.


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