He was in a haze ever since Maddie Tyler took her first breath.

Gibbs wasn't dead.

Two agents came rushing down the pier, but Tony didn't care. All he cared about was that Gibbs' chest continued to rise and fall, that his dead eyes were not staring into the sky anymore. He hoped it wasn't just a figment of his oxygen deprived brain.

He could've kept watching Gibbs forever, if not for the nagging voice coming from his left, asking if he was alright and shaking his shoulder. Just like that, Tony blinked and the world started turning again.

"Ambulance?" Tony asked, his voice breathless and strangely hollow.

"On the way," the probie said, frowning. "Are you okay, Tony?" he asked, awaiting a litany of whines about ruined shoes and wet clothes, but getting only a simple nod in reply. McGee and Ziva exchanged a worried look, but Tony didn't care, because Gibbs and the girl were alive.

When the ambulance arrived, Gibbs was already trying to get up. It was a sign of how close the call was this time when he allowed Ziva to push him down and all he gave was a simple warning glare.

Unable to sit still, Tony also got up. He wasn't stopped by anyone, though McGee grabbed his arm when the world momentarily swayed. Tony gave an appreciative smile, but saved his breath for more important things. Like telling the EMT's how long Gibbs and Maddie were under water, or explaining to Ziva that the bullets in the dead guys came from his gun.

There were more questions and McCareful uttered something about plague. He was actually glad when the EMT asked him if he would ride in the ambulance to get checked out too. Taking a look around and seeing the approaching Director, he thought it wouldn't be such a bad escape. So he nodded and climbed in, unexplainably happy that he was sharing the ride with Maddie, not Gibbs.

The ride passed in relative silence. Maddie was lying on the gurney, breathing in the oxygen from a mask, throwing puzzled looks toward Tony, who was resting on the bench, eyes locked at an invisible point on the wall. He was lost in thoughts, not even aware that his body had started shivering under his wet clothes. He couldn't get rid of the image of Gibbs staring at him with dead eyes and he bit his lip hard to remind himself that it wasn't real, that Gibbs was alive. He wasn't even aware that the ambulance came to a stop, until the door opened and he was asked to step out so they could take the girl. Blinking, Tony stood up only to be halted by a hand on his arm.

"Wait, agent...?" Maddie was looking at him with unsure eyes.

"DiNozzo. But call me Tony."

"I... I don't know what really happened, but..." she paused, giving him a searching look. "I know you saved us. Just wanted to say... thanks."

Tony froze, feeling something hard clench his gut. Because Gibbs made a mistake and Tony realized how little separated this girl from death. He wanted to shout, to beat some sense into the stubborn marine, instead he put on a mask, locked the feelings away and smiled.

"You're welcome, Maddie."

He then climbed out of the car, keeping a reassuring smile on his face until the girl on the gurney vanished behind one of the curtains in the ER, while he was pointed to another. He kept on his smile when the doctor came in to check him, flirted with the nurse and looked vaguely happy when he was given a pair of dry scrubs.

"You should go home and rest, agent DiNozzo," the doctor said as he was scribbling into Tony's release papers. "I would advise you to check with your physician in a day or two. If you start feeling tightness in your chest, have trouble with breathing or get a fever, contact him immediately. Is that understood?" the doctor said and gave Tony a pointed look, as if he knew that it was all a farce and Tony wasn't at all the obedient patient he seemed to be.

"Sure Doc," Tony answered cheerily and walked out. He was still smiling when he entered the men's room, waiting till an old guy finished and left. Then the smile slipped from his face. The bag with his still wet clothes fell from his hand and Tony wearily leaned against the sink.

The adrenaline long gone, with no need for pretense, Tony hung his head and closed his eyes, only to shot them open a second later and dash to the nearest toilet as he was hit by a wave of nausea.

It was too close. Gibbs should've been dead. Hell, last time Tony checked, the man was dead, yet by some miracle, he had started breathing again. Even though Tony had let him go.

The poor bastard didn't die.

"Has more lives than a damn cat," Tony muttered when he finally stopped retching and couldn't stop the chuckle. "Stubborn bastard," he added without humor and leant back in the stall, head banging against the wall.

Wasn't that the reason why they were here? Because Gibbs was too stubborn to ask for help? Tony growled and hit the floor with his fist.

He was angry and hurt,because after all these years, Gibbs still thought that doing it alone was the right thing and Tony didn't know how to change that. All he knew was that sitting on the floor in a toilet wasn't doing much for his temper and that he didn't want to keep going on as if everything was fine in the Gibbsland. Maybe it was high time to give the boss a piece of his mind.

Unknown to Tony, he wasn't the only person wanting to give Gibbs a piece of his mind. It was just luck that Ducky managed to get to him first. Gibbs barely finished glaring at his doctor for even mentioning spending the night at the hospital under observation, when Ducky stormed in and reamed him a good one for going after Maddie alone.

"Tell me one reason why you didn't call back up, Jethro. One good reason," insisted and Gibbs shot him one of his murdering looks, hoping it will dissuade him from the question. Instead Ducky only glared back and Gibbs relented.

"I didn't want to endanger them. It was my case."

"There's no I in the team, Jethro, you especially should know that," Ducky said. "And how is you and Maddie trapped in a sinking car with Anthony as the only rescuer not endangering them? Do you know how much it must've taken out of the boy to dunk into that water twice with his lungs? And then give you both CPR? It was a miracle you all survived!"

"I know that damn well, Duck," Gibbs growled, then sighed. "Is DiNozzo okay?"

Ducky opened his mouth to reply, but he was interrupted by someone clearing his throat.

"I'm fine," Tony said, his head peeking into the room before entering. Both Gibbs and Ducky gave him an appraising look and Tony instinctively straightened, raising his chin.

"Doesn't look like," Gibbs muttered and frowned when he saw Tony's jaw twitching.

"Looks can be deceiving," Tony bit back and Ducky nervously cleared his throat. He could've sworn he felt the temperature in the room drop and as much as he liked to watch a good fight, he wasn't interested in this one.

"I should check on young Miss Tyler, see if she doesn't need anything. Unlike you Jethro, she's willing to stay the night. When you'll be ready to depart you know where to find me. Anthony, same applies to you. I figure it wouldn't be easy to catch a cab dressed in hospital attair." Not waiting for an acknowledgment, Ducky left the two men alone.

"Are you really cleared with the doctor, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked, even though he knew Ducky wouldn't have offered him a ride home if he wasn't. But he needed to break the silence and it worked.

"You're the right one to ask," Tony snorted and started pacing the room. He was angry and ready to blow, and Gibbs knew it.

"You know, I was ready to charge in here and tell you exactly what I thought about how you handled this case, but then I heard I wasn't the first one who got that idea," Tony gave an ironic chuckle and stopped his pacing, looking out of the window. "I still think it was a damn stupid thing to do this alone, but I kinda get where you're coming from. It was just like with Ari and Kate. A personal vendetta."

"If you understand, why are you so angry, Tony?" The question was given calmly, but Tony swirled around and Gibbs jerked. There was that look in Tony's eyes. The one Gibbs saw when the whole LaGrenouille mission blow up. The look that once made Gibbs proud. He never thought he would be on the receiving end of that look.

"Why are you angry DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked again and this time Tony answered.

"I'm fucking angry because you forced me to choose! I'm mad, because you weren't breathing, and I chose Maddie. Do you know how fucking hard that was?" Tony shouted, crossing the room and standing only inches from Gibbs.

"I thought I let you die, you bastard," Tony added, his voice all but a whisper now, suddenly all the fight leaving his body and Gibbs had to steady him when he swayed. "Don't ever make me choose again, Gibbs. I don't know if I'll be able to do it right." Tony sagged more and Gibbs maneuvered him into a nearby chair.

"Hey," he said and gripped Tony's chin, until he was sure he had his attention. "I wouldn't want you to choose differently. You did well today and I'm proud of you. I know it wasn't easy and I can't promise you won't have to make the same choice in the future. But I trust you to choose well. Do you understand?" He held Tony's gaze until he felt the man nod then, with a sigh, let go.

"Boss?" Tony asked, his voice suddenly timid.

"Yes, DiNozzo?"

"Can I have it in writing?" he asked with a grin and didn't even try to duck the following headslap.