Had A Dream
lyrics by Bird York

He comes undone
says he's lost the map his life was on.
Says everything is unraveling.
I take his hand
and then I kiss him like the world is ending and say
"Where logic ends, faith begins."
'Cause I had a dream
that our hearts were like flowers opening up
every time that we love,
and I'm wondering if we just try and risk everything for love
how can we ever go wrong.

Chapter 1

He comes undone
says he's lost the map his life was on.
~ Bird York

Out on Gibbs' patio, Tony pokes at the two fat steaks that are sizzling on the grill, and tries to tune out the raised voice of Gibbs' ex-wife coming from inside the house. All of the words aren't clear but it's impossible to miss her frustration when she says, "You never let anyone get close to you, Jethro!"

Even from the back yard Tony can tell that Gibbs' low rumble of a response consists of the bare minimum of words. He senses that Gibbs is digging in his heels even if he isn't outright fighting back. Tony finds it interesting that Gibbs is the type of man who doesn't take crap from any of the gun-toting people on both sides of the law that he encounters daily at work, yet he yields to his ex-wife without much protest, if the almost-one-sided conversation going on inside is anything to go by.

Tony knows that her name is Stephanie because a couple of days ago he heard Gibbs say her name aloud when he was barking at her lawyer over the phone, and now Tony also knows that her voice carries really well when she is angry and upset.

The steaks turn a darker shade of brown, so Tony prods them a bit, wishing Gibbs hadn't left him in charge of their dinner. He knows next to nothing about cooking outdoors â€" okay, so he doesn't know much about cooking indoors either â€" and he's concerned that there'll be hell to pay when Gibbs returns and finds his expensive steaks have been reduced to a couple of charred lumps. Unfortunately there's a very real danger that they will be ruined if Gibbs doesn't quit fighting with his ex and get back outside real soon.

One thing's for certain, Tony does not want to let Gibbs down, especially when he's been nice enough to invite his recently hired agent to a backyard cookout. Tony does a mental double take; he used 'Gibbs' and 'nice' in the same train of thought. After only three weeks on the job, Tony knows it's not wise to push Gibbs too far, and he has first-hand knowledge that his boss is not stingy with the head-slaps. He strives to please Gibbs, even if he isn't always successful.

Tony isn't sure if he should read anything into it, but Gibbs didn't invite anyone else over that evening. It's just the two of them, like it is out in the field because Gibbs is still building his team, or it was just the two of them before Stephanie turned up. It isn't lost on Tony that he's slightly jealous of Gibbs' former wife. He is already so immersed in 'everything Gibbs' that if there were a choice between being on Gibbs' bad side, or not being with Gibbs at all, the bad side would win out in a heartbeat. So long as he can work under the man all day long, Tony will be happy.

To say that he knows Gibbs would be presumptuous, but Tony has felt a connection with the ex-Marine right from the start. It didn't take him long to catch on that the Navy cop was a to-the-point, take-no-prisoners kinda guy. Even when Gibbs was pinned underneath Tony on the hard ground of an empty lot in a seedy section of Baltimore, it was clear that Gibbs was not, and never would be, a bottom. It was painfully obvious from Tony's body's reaction as he lay on top of Gibbs that he was more than a little interested in taking it further, even if he knew right from the start that it was out of the question.

Tony will never forget the way Gibbs' eyes gleamed and the way his mouth curled up at the corners in barely tolerant amusement. Not that the gray-haired man gave any indication he was responsive; the sexual attraction was all on Tony's side.

Tony's interest hasn't waned one iota since the day he was recruited by Gibbs, although a strong sense of self-preservation has made him keep his fascination under wraps. Tony's good at covering up so it's no hardship, really. He has this one special daydream that involves a naked and buff Gibbs, a lot of hot chocolate sauce and chilled champagne, and his Red Dragon vibrating dildo (whose name does not stem from the film of the same name in which a psycho murders entire families, but rather from its vivid color and monster-like shape.) But it's only a dream.

Tony is startled back to the present by a loud spitting noise as the fat drips from the steaks onto the charcoal below. The flames surge high, engulfing the choice hunks of meat, and Tony starts to sweat from standing over the grill.

The angry voice belonging to the latest ex-Mrs. Gibbs can be heard, this time all-too clearly, through the open kitchen window. "I was the only one who actually participated in our marriage, Jethro! At least I took it seriously." Whatever Gibbs replies is obviously not satisfactory because Stephanie responds, "I don't understand why you can't give, just a little!"

They'd just put the steaks on the grill when she'd appeared from around the side of the house, seeking Gibbs. She was, of course, a redhead, of the fiery variety that went well with her green '60s hippie dress and fringed purse that swung frenetically when she launched herself at Gibbs, demanding, "Can you please listen to me?" She was so focused on Gibbs, Tony doesn't think she even noticed him standing there gawking.

Gibbs made a disgruntled noise, pressed the long-handled barbeque fork into Tony's hand, and ushered ex-wife-number-three inside with a strained look on his face.

She must be standing near the window because her voice is clear when she accuses, "Look, you couldn’t make me happy so I'm going to do my best to find someone who will. Someone who might care more about me than about his damned job! Can't you just be happyâ€""

Her voice fades away and Tony turns his attention to the grill once again. The steaks are sizzling away and their aroma makes his mouth water, but even though he moves them a little off the flame, they are beyond the rare-and-bloody stage and heading fast into medium-well-done territory. If Gibbs responds to Stephanie, Tony can't hear it.

*

Tony hates hearing couples fight. He's witnessed enough breakups within his own family to know how messy they can become. His father certainly never had any amicable divorces, if there even are such things, and it was Tony's bad luck as a young teen to have ringside seats to three of Senior's incendiary breakups. After Tony's mother died, every one of his father's successive relationships and marriages went down in flames, repeatedly dashing young Tony's dreams of being part of a family like the Waltons. Even in hard times they always pulled together and showed they cared for each other in so many ways.

Still, Tony believes that his parents' marriage was based upon true love, and that their years of wine and roses (okay, so there was a lot more wine than roses) would have stayed the course if his mother hadn't died when she crashed her '58 Ferrari Berlinetta into the towering oak tree that grew on the corner of the long driveway that led to the mansion.

As a kid Tony had loved to hear his mother's tales about her youth, when she was still Imogen Paddington (before she became Genie DiNozzo of the Long Island DiNozzos) and how all the handsome young men flocked around her. If her cocktail-time stories were to be believed, Carrozzeria Scaglietti himself built that Ferrari for Mom during their brief yet torrid affair.

Dad had repeatedly warned her about her wild driving. "Genie, you've got to stop taking that corner at fifty miles an hour because one day you won't make it." Unfortunately, DiNozzo rule #2, which was 'Dad is always right,' was confirmed on that terrible day.

The morning after Mom was killed, Dad went out and cut the hundred-year-old oak down â€" or more accurately, he had a team of men with buzz saws do the deed for him. Although Tony, who was only a kid, was glad that the reminder of Mom's death had been cut down and hauled away, he cried his eyes out every time they rode in the limo past the raw stump at the end of the driveway. It wasn't long before Dad ordered their chauffeur to drive them off the estate using a side road so he wouldn’t have to hear Tony sobbing his heart out.

That was when Dad started to enforce the 'DiNozzos don't cry' rule. Not that he was cruel or anything, because he wasn't. He hated to hear Tony crying because it made him choke up in response, and being seen with wet splotches on the lapels of his Armani suit was not acceptable.

***end chapter 1***

Chapter 2

Says everything is unraveling.
I take his hand…
~ Bird York

Tony's faith that good will prevail is testament to his positive outlook in life, but after the way his two-year tenure in Baltimore ended he wonders if he's the world's biggest schmuck for clinging to that thread of hope.

Tony believes that it is possible to have a movie-perfect marriage, despite a lot of evidence to the contrary, which is why he asked Wendy to marry him in the first place. He set his heart on creating the kind of life that he'd always yearned for, but when the whole love-and-marriage package fell apart, the breakup hurt so damned much that Tony was determined never to fall in love again. He would never offer his heart to anyone, he swore, on the presumption that where there is no love, there can be no pain. It was a naïve and unrealistic notion, of course, because at heart Tony was (and still is) a romantic, and denying love isn't going to inure him to it. Nevertheless, he made it a rule.

Tony knows how damned lucky he is that Gibbs trusted in him enough to offer him a job and new purpose in life. The timing was impeccable. Tony knows, too, that Gibbs doesn't offer his friendship or his loyalty lightly. Even though he's only been at NCIS for a few weeks, and he still doesn't have a permanent place to live, it's already become home to him.

Unfortunately, Tony's ex-fiancée is currently living in the new condo in Baltimore that they chose together. Since Tony is the one who actually bought it, he's making the payments (big ones that eat away at his salary,) and he has a feeling that he'll be paying out for some time to come. He's living in temporary quarters on base in DC, which are cold and impersonal, but Tony can't find it in himself to evict Wendy â€" so he can put it on the market â€" even if she did rip out his heart and then stomp all over it with those pointy stilettos she favors.

And then there's the matter of his corrupt ex-partner, who is working at what used to be their cases with a new probie partner who is sitting at Tony's desk in what used to be his precinct, and Danny is acting as if he hasn't done anything fucking wrong and that's almost as bad as being on the take in the first place. For all Tony knows, Danny's still taking payoffs (okay, it's more than likely he never stopped doing it.) Tony's torn between wanting to beat the crap out of his ex-partner for being so fucking stupid and sending his career down the toilet, and forgiving Danny for being a terminal jerk-off and being seduced by the Dark Side. Danny's sealed his own fate though; even if Tony doesn't breathe a word of it someone will figure it out at some point.

Tony viciously sticks the sharp prongs of the barbeque fork into the tender meat and mutters under his breath, "You lost your girl, your partner, your job and your home all in one day, DiNozzo." He's pretty much lost his hope, too, which is enough to give him a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

But it comes to Tony that whenever he gets in one of these (dark, bruised, midnight-blue) moods, which seem to sneak up on him every couple of days, he looks up and sees Gibbs scrutinizing him, sort of like he wants to say something but he's at a loss as to how to go about it. It's subtle but it's definitely there. Gibbs isn't the kind of man who talks things out anyway. In the end Gibbs says nothing but Tony gets the message that someone is watching over him, and has his back, which makes him feel good, deep down.

While Tony stands over the grill and occasionally prods at the cooking meat, he realizes that being near Gibbs makes him feel grounded and secure, and that he trusts his new boss in a way he's never really trusted anyone before. His begins to accept that he's made the right choice and his mood lightens.

Gibbs has been supportive in his own sort of tough-it-out and get-on-with-life kind of way, all gruff noises and impatient looks that Tony knows are a cover for a really decent man who actually cares about him. And Gibbs understands at least some of what Tony's going through because, after all, he was there when the shit hit the fan. He knows the truth about Danny, and he was there to witness, first-hand, the pain Tony went through. Gibbs backs up Tony's decision not to bring his dishonest partner up on charges. It might sound sappy but Gibbs' support really does warm Tony's wounded heart.

Tony tries not to interpret Gibbs' attention as anything more than a mentor's concern for his new trainee. It isn't â€" can't be â€" anything more, Tony tells himself, even though it was obvious right from the start that they'd made a connection. That Tony's life has become centered around Gibbs, at work and after hours as well, and that he looks at Gibbs out of the corner of his eye and lets his imagination run free now and then, is weird because Tony's never so much as looked at a man before. Okay, he's looked, but it's only been window-shopping.

It's like some big cosmic joke, really, that Tony finds himself sexually attracted to a man, and not just any man; this is his superior at work, a man who might kill him with his bare hands if he catches on that Tony has the hots for him. Plus, finding the person Tony thinks he could spend some time with â€" like maybe the rest of his life â€" occurs at the very moment Tony has sworn to never enter into another relationship for as long as he lives. Except it will never happen.

From somewhere inside of Gibbs' home comes the sound of Stephanie saying, "I couldn’t get any of it right, could I? I wanted for us to have a child, and I messed that up, too, didn't I?"

Tony hears the pain in her voice and he wonders how two people can fall deeply in love and then end up acting as if they despise each other. He doesn't despise Wendy but whatever love he had for her is damned close to being dead by now. She pretty much killed it as soon as she turned her back on him instead of trusting him. She'd asked him what was wrong, she'd cajoled and pleaded for details, and Tony said that he couldn’t talk about it and explained it had nothing to do with them, that it was a private matter. Tony wasn't going back on his word to Danny not to rat on him, not even if it meant hurting Wendy. He'd never expected her to turn her back on him though.

Tony can't hear Gibbs' reply to Stephanie, if he even makes one. There are no more angry accusations but a couple of minutes later he hears a car door slam and an engine roars to life, and then there's nothing. Darkness falls quickly and mosquitoes come out in droves.

It's high time to remove the steaks from the grill and Tony recalls Gibbs saying he likes to pour beer over them first, so that's what Tony does, and then he uses the long-handled fork to move the overcooked steaks to the side to keep them warm. "Hope you like yours well done, Boss," Tony mutters, knowing how unlikely that is. Gibbs strikes Tony as being a rare-and-bloody kind of red-meat eater.

The porch light comes on and Gibbs steps out of the house to join Tony. The closed expression on his face barely masks his anger and distress. Tony knows from personal experience how upsetting it is to have your ex tell you how badly you've failed her, and to be unable to respond in kind. Watching Gibbs valiantly trying to keep it all bottled up makes Tony's heart ache for the man.

Tony averts his gaze and hopes it isn't apparent that he overheard the loud, almost-one-sided quarrel, or that a surge of warm and fuzzy feelings for his boss is making his cheeks heat up. Gibbs is standing too close to him, glaring at the remains of their dinner, so Tony points the barbeque fork at the smoking black lumps that were once steaks and says ruefully, with an exaggerated Texas drawl, "Ah think Ah killed 'em, Boss."

Gibbs shakes his head in disgust, delivers a light slap to the back of Tony's head and goes back into the kitchen without saying a word. He comes out with two fresh steaks, tosses them on the grill, and soon has them cooked to perfection. He sends Tony inside for a bottle of beer and when he returns, Gibbs does his magic with it. Tony knows he's watching the Jedi master and he can't help it if he has a silly grin on his face.

When the steaks are done (medium-rare) and are ready to remove from the flames, Tony offers Gibbs the barbeque fork. It's ignored, and a dangerous-looking knife appears in his boss's hand. Gibbs impales each steak in turn and with a flip of his wrist drops them one at a time on the plates that Tony holds at the ready.

"That, DiNozzo, is how you grill a steak," Gibbs growls.

"Okay, Boss, but maybe I should leave any future grilling in your obviously capable hands."

"Ya think?" Gibbs then complains about the damned mosquitos, but even Gibbs' precision-glare doesn't have any impact on them, so he marches inside with Tony following him. They settle at the dining room table and a couple of cold beers materialize. Gibbs pulls two large steaming hot baked potatoes from the oven and Tony wonders when he'd put them in to bake. Every move that Gibbs makes â€" putting utensils, butter, condiments on the table â€" is smooth and efficient but there is an underlying current of barely suppressed anger.

They eat in tense silence for a while, Gibbs using his knife with its gleaming blade to cut and spear his meat. Tony thanks Gibbs for the dinner, because he was brought up to be polite. 'Even if one is three sheets to the wind, there's no excuse not to be courteous,' Mom had always said, and she should know. Tony uses his knife and fork the European way but enviously watches Gibbs eating with his knife. He pictures Gibbs as a young Marine, slipping that sharp blade between the ribs of the enemy while on a mission. Gibbs, in turn, eyes Tony boldly while he's chewing, making the young agent uncomfortably aware he's being weighed up, though he's not sure why or for what purpose.

Tony never could let silence reign, so as he eats his dinner he makes movie references involving cookouts and food. He's in the middle of recounting a scene between John Wayne and a bad guy, and waving his fork around while saying, "…there was this roaring campfire with what I swear had to be an entire cow roasting on the biggest spit you've ever seen, and whenever the cowboy works the crank and rotates it you can clearly see this enormous cow dick standing straight up, like it's gotta be two feet long, which I guess makes it a bull on a spit and not a cowâ€"" when Gibbs suddenly gets up and stalks into the kitchen. Tony's eyes follow him, but he holds off relating any more of the story because he is pretty sure that Gibbs wasn't really listening in the first place.

Gibbs returns with a nearly full bottle of bourbon and two glasses. He plunks the tumblers down and proceeds to pour several fingers of liquor into them. Tony holds off on mentioning that he dislikes the taste of bourbon (and prefers a dry martini or a Bordeaux blanc from Aquitaine) because the look on Gibbs' face makes it clear that he is not in a tolerant mood.

Gibbs tosses back the contents of his glass then slams it down on the table. His mouth is working like he's about to spit out something really big and distasteful, but finally he stares right at Tony with his blue eyes practically blazing under the harsh overhead light, and says in a low, terse voice, "Remind me, DiNozzo. I want you to remind me to never ever get married again."

Tony's sitting there with his mouth open until Gibbs barks, "You with me, DiNozzo?" and Tony nods vigorously.

"On it, Boss," Tony promises, his eyes widening a little fearfully at the sight of Gibbs beginning to unravel. He's never seen him so angry, so close to losing it, in the three weeks they've worked side by side, and there's a vein throbbing in Gibbs' temple that even Ducky would surely find worrisome.

"Remind me, DiNozzo, that women are more damned trouble than they're worth, that nothing you do is ever enough. That she tears at you little by little until she leaves you bleeding at the side of the road like fucking road-kill, and then she backs her car over you â€" the car you paid for â€" before she speeds off to have dinner with her fucking divorce lawyer." Gibbs tosses back the rest of the bourbon in his glass and pours himself another one. "She knew what I was like when we got married, so what happened that all of a sudden she thinks I'm gonna change my ways?"

Tony nods sympathetically, fascinated and turned-on by this seething, intense Gibbs.

Gibbs' hands are gripping the edge of the table so hard his knuckles are white, and he says between clenched teeth, "Nothing you do is ever right…" He halts and stares at the bottle of bourbon for a while before he swallows hard and looks up, once again, directly into Tony's eyes. There's so much pain in Gibbs' eyes that Tony literally hurts for him, and it takes all of his self-control to stop himself from reaching out and placing his hands over Gibbs'.

Gibbs' voice is no longer vibrating with anger, but it's potent with emotion when he says, "Even when she loses…and she can't…" He wipes a hand over his face and after a long moment he says, in a low, rough voice, as if every word is being wrung out of him, "Sometimes you can't fix it. You can't…You can't find the words and she thinks you don't care."

Tony is witnessing Gibbs bare his soul and he knows without a doubt that it's a very rare occurrence, that Gibbs doesn't expose himself to just anyone, apparently not even to Stephanie when she was Mrs. Gibbs the Third.

To think that Gibbs trusts him like this is unbelievable, and Tony's afraid he'll do something, or say something, that will ruin it all and stop the flow of Gibbs' heartfelt words. Tony doesn't know what to say to Gibbs any more than the older man knows how to speak to his ex-wife but Tony does have an idea how he can fix it, even if it's temporary.

Tony doesn't like bourbon but he drinks the contents of his glass and then wiggles the empty to indicate he would like some more. Casually, he says, "I know you care, Boss."

Gibbs looks at him with an unfathomable expression and then he tops off both of their glasses. They clink their glasses together in an abrupt toast and slowly but surely they both get drunk.

***end chapter 2***

Chapter 3

…and then I kiss him like the world is ending and say
"Where logic ends, faith begins."
~ Bird York

Through bleary eyes Tony can just about see, by the kitchen clock, that's it's late. They've been drinking for a couple of hours and somehow the dirty dishes were cleared off the table and the remains of the dinner have been put away, although Tony doesn't remember doing any of it himself.

They move to the couch in the living room, with Tony talking about a movie he rented recently about a gigolo who spoke six languages (including the international language of love.) After a while Gibbs cuts him off and starts to tell some war stories. Maybe it's to shut Tony up, because listening to someone going on and on about movies you haven't seen, and aren't likely to ever see, can be pretty boring. So Tony happily slouches on the lumpy old couch with Gibbs mere inches away, barely daring to breathe because they're so close, and listens intently as Gibbs tells him about some of the ops he was involved in back in the good old days.

Gibbs relates his stories in spare language, which Tony finds sexy as hell. He talks about some brutal fighting he was involved in down in Panama ("…there was heavy fire incoming. Took a round in my leg. Had to concentrate on the target, forget the voice in my head screaming to get the hell out of there…") and the action he saw during his tour as a Marine Corps sniper during Desert Storm. It's at that point that Gibbs falters and is silent for so long that Tony thinks he should call it a night and make his way back to his lonely room on the base.

But when Gibbs finishes off the bourbon in his glass he begins to tell Tony about his former boss, Special Agent Mike Franks. He soon has Tony laughing about the time he and Mike went undercover as gunrunners when a load of armaments was stolen from a naval base. While on the case he and Franks followed a suspect to border-town whorehouse. The madam there didn't understand Gibbs' Spanish and thought he was looking for a job. "Mike never lets me forget that she wanted to be my first customer," Gibbs says with a chuckle.

Gibbs runs a hand across his mouth and clams up all of a sudden, as if he's exceeded his quota of words. He starts to rise from the couch but loses his balance and falls back, landing half on top of Tony. The sudden weight hitting his stomach causes Tony to let out a grunt of surprise and he reaches out to steady Gibbs. The older man utters something unintelligible that might be an apology (though Tony doubts that because he knows that Gibbs doesn't apologize) but Gibbs doesn't make any attempt to move from where he's sprawled, with his ass on the couch and his upper body across Tony's chest. Gibbs has been drinking heavily, more than Tony has, but until now he hasn't shown any sign of being under the influence.

Tony doesn't mind, but he's afraid that once Gibbs realizes that he's lying on top of his half-drunk agent he'll be up and out of there like a shot. Gibbs' elbow is pressing against Tony's groin and his hand, which is very warm and strong, is gripping Tony's thigh. Tony doesn't move except to carefully wrap his arm around Gibbs' chest to balance him so he doesn't fall off. He lies there and breathes cautiously, inhaling Gibbs' scent. It's bourbon and smoke from the barbeque and something that smells like fresh wood shavings, though Tony can't figure out why his boss would smell like piney woods on a hot summer's day.

Surprisingly, Gibbs relaxes with a sigh, and lets his head rest on Tony's shoulder, and although his boss's temple is enticingly close to Tony's mouth, he doesn't take advantage of the situation. Gibbs' soft, silvery hair is tickling Tony's cheek and there's a strange feeling in Tony's belly that might have something to do with the large amount of bourbon he's imbibed. Of course he knows he's lying to himself about the odd feeling, which he shouldn't be doing. Tony's rule #1 is to never lie to himself â€" or to small animals.

No, Tony has to admit that feelings of desire and affection are growing within him, and he's aware that this is a moment that he should cherish for as long as it lasts â€" even if it's only for a few minutes â€" because it's extremely unlikely that it'll ever occur again.

Tony definitely does not want to lose their friendship by making a stupid, clumsy move. As soon as Gibbs realizes what's going on â€" the budding attraction that Tony has for him â€" it will all be over. They might get along and be able to read each other pretty well, and work in synch most of the time, but that doesn't mean that Gibbs will welcome his subordinate's advances. Not in a million years. Tony does not want to get fired from his job as a result of coming on to an uninterested Gibbs, because he really likes his work and he already feels at home at NCIS. Getting drunk and then making a move on your boss when you've only worked for him for a few scant weeks does not look good on anyone's resumé.

Tony doesn't relinquish his hold on Gibbs even though all it would take to extricate himself would be to shift his weight and slide out from under his heavy body. He could then stretch and yawn and say, 'Hey, Boss, the steak was great but let's call it a night,' and he'd saunter (or stagger) to the nearest exit and head back to his temporary lodgings to sleep it off. Maybe he'd dream about missed opportunities and about wonderful things that will never happen. He should get up. He should go, he really should.

In the end Tony stays where he is, reclining on the couch with Gibbs sort of cradled in the crook of his arm because, after all, this thing he's doing, holding Gibbs and simply being there for him, is really for Gibbs' sake. The visit from Stephanie really upset Gibbs, though he tried to hide it, and if the man needs a bit of comforting why should Tony not be the one to provide it? And if it's the only moment of intimacy that Tony ever gets to experience with Gibbs, then at least it's going to make a really nice memory.

Gibbs hasn't moved except to adjust his hips a little, to make himself more comfortable. He's leaning against his dinner guest as if he's an extra-large cushion; his back is pressed to Tony's chest where it feels solid and right. Although his hand is still resting on Tony's thigh, his elbow has moved, which is a disappointment. Gibbs must not be aware of what he's doing, or of the effect he's having on Tony.

Tony's about to fall asleep when Gibbs asks, out of the blue, "You know her from way back?"

Even though it's been on his mind, it doesn't mean that Tony wants to talk about it. Still, he finds himself explaining, "She was my high school piano teacher, and yeah, I really took the class to learn the piano, not to pick up my teacher, even though she was really hot…for an older woman." He slurs a bit on the 'she' but otherwise Tony doesn't think he sounds half as drunk as he really is. His tongue feels sort of thick and his head is heavy and he doesn't think he'll be able to get off the couch without a helping hand.

Gibbs asks, "How old?"

"I dunno. Seventeen maybe?"

After a long beat, Gibbs says testily, "Not you, DiNozzo. How old was she?" His speech is less compromised than Tony's, but it's obvious he's no longer sober.

"Oh. Twenny-four." Tony smiles a little and then, at Gibbs' prompting, he tells him how only a few months ago he ran into her again after almost fifteen years. It's easier to spill your guts when you don't have to look anyone in the eye. "Jazz club 'n Oldtown. She's playin' there, was the headliner. I…" Tony remembers that he'd gone to the club with Danny. It was amateur night and Tony had accepted Danny's dare to go up on stage to play the piano. "I played 'My Foolish Heart'." Tony is overwhelmed by the memories and, suddenly maudlin, he swallows the lump in his throat and tries to lighten up a bit. "I sorta show off 'round pretty women, Boss," Tony says, even though Gibbs already knows all about that. Tony grins all of a sudden. "I was pretty damned good tha' night. Gave a great performance on the piano, and in bed." He laughs and feels Gibbs' weight riding on his chest.

"Everyone's a star in their own bedroom," Gibbs says sarcastically.

"Well, I wasn't in my own bedroom, Gibbs. Women like to have sex in their own beds," Tony says knowledgably. "I swear I won't ever fall for anyone. Ever again. S'just too painful, ya know?" It's the bourbon that's loosened his tongue; he'd never be so free with his words otherwise. It's as if they're tumbling out of their own accord and he has to work hard to stem the flow.

The trouble is that as soon as he stops talking, Tony can't help but get caught up in the memories. He'd only gone out with Wendy a handful of times before he knew he was falling for her. She didn't mind that he was a homicide detective â€" she had relatives who were cops and understood the life â€" and she'd already met his partner Danny through the 9-11 foundation she worked for as a day job. Sometimes the three of them went out together for pizza after work, or Wendy dropped by the station to bring the partners home-baked food when they were caught up in a case and couldn't get away. She was bright and beautiful and fun and she was everything Tony thought he wanted. Their age difference meant nothing in the face of romance, and somewhere along the way Tony got caught up in the idea of being in love. He was, after all, an idealist.

Tony's inner voice warned him that the affair would not end well if he broke his own rule about not allowing his heart to lead him astray.

Where there is no love, there can be no pain.

In the end, Tony did not obey his own rule. Before he knew where he was, he had proposed, Wendy had accepted, and they'd moved into the townhouse they'd chosen together on a sunny Sunday afternoon.

"I thought…I thought that white picket fence dream had come true," Tony tells Gibbs. He suddenly feels very emotional and blinks hard. Not meaning to say it aloud, he whispers, "Everything was perfect."

*

It wasn't hard for Wendy to figure out that something was very wrong between Tony and Danny. Tony told her that he and Danny were no longer partners, but no more, and for some reason she assumed that Tony had caused the rift. Tony refused to discuss what had happened between him and Danny with his fiancée, believing it was best to spare her.

Within days of giving Wendy an engagement ring, and making promises to each other that involved love and devotion, Tony's dream of enjoying a happy married life was in ruins. His fiancée of a mere ten days threw his ring in his face along with accusations that he was unwilling and unable to refute: he was secretive, disloyal, selfish. Tony couldn’t tell her that she had described Danny to a tee.

There was no way that Tony could reveal to Wendy that their mutual best friend, his partner, was a dirty cop. It seemed too personal: Danny had done the unimaginable and had broken the sacred trust between partners, brothers-in-arms. Maybe it was due to a kind of twisted loyalty on Tony's part but even if Danny had screwed him over, Tony would not return the favor. He knew Danny wouldn't say anything, would never incriminate himself.

Tony couldn’t understand Danny's betrayal, when they'd been so close. And how could he have missed the signs? They'd watched each other's backs, spent countless hours shoulder-to-shoulder on stakeouts, had hung out after work and occasionally got drunk together. Hell, they had always been there for each other â€" for two whole years. Now it was all gone because of Danny's greed and utter lack of conscience, leaving Tony bewildered as to what had turned his upstanding, decent cop partner into a low-down, scum-sucking bastard.

*

"You didn't tell her 'bout Danny," Gibbs accuses. He shifts his weight to one side and his shoulders slip off Tony's chest. They're reclining right next to each other, shoulders crowded together, and Gibbs turns his head, which is resting on the cushions at the back of the couch, so he can look straight at Tony.

He's close, too close for comfort, really. Before, when they weren't able to look into each other's eyes, it was easier somehow. Between the amount of bourbon he's consumed and the proximity to his boss, Tony's finding it hard to keep his game-face on. Gibbs is frowning at him but Tony senses it's not in a bad way. More like he's concerned. Tony gives a watery laugh and pats Gibbs' knee, his hand made clumsy by the booze. "Hey, I'm supposed to be comforting you, Gibbs."

"Is that what this is all 'bout?" Gibbs asks with narrowed eyes.

Tony shrugs, a bit embarrassed at being caught out. "Thought you'd wanna talk if you had a drinkin' buddy."

Gibbs only makes a snorting sound, but Tony can tell he's pleased.

***end chapter 3***

Chapter 4

'Cause I had a dream
that our hearts were like flowers opening up
every time that we love…
~ Bird York

Tony gave all of himself to his relationship with Wendy, and it had seemed at the time that she was equally committed to him. The thing was that it hadn't taken much for her to turn around and break his heart, and his trust â€" irrevocably and oh, so painfully. She'd insisted on knowing what was going on with Danny, but Tony had kept silent about what had gone down. If Danny wanted to tell her then it was his choice. Angry and hurt, Wendy turned away from Tony and she went to console Danny, believing him to be the injured party. She didn't have a clue how devastating it was for Tony to have lost his best friend and partner, and his faith in people, all at one fell swoop. Trouble was, he couldn’t find the words to explain any of it to her.

"I never…I never saw it coming," Tony tells Gibbs, and shakes his head. "She blindsided me." So had Danny with his treachery and right now Tony doesn't know which one was worse. "She didn't understand how hard…I mean, it's not real easy for me to…you know." Tony looks to Gibbs for help but although Gibbs meets his eyes, and he seems sympathetic, he doesn't help Tony out. "Hard for me to…commit," Tony says with difficulty, breathing heavily with the effort it takes him to say those words. "She gave up on me," he groans.

That she'd given up on him so easily, had believed the worst of him when he'd refused to tell her what had really gone on between him and his partner, had crushed Tony. It would be a very long time for his fractured heart to mend, if it ever did. "I gave her everything, you know? My heart, dammit! So much for promises," Tony says unhappily.

"You didn't tell her," Gibbs says.

Tony gives a small noncommittal shake of his head.

Gibbs grunts. "You didn't trust her."

"Sure I did," Tony replies, shocked that Gibbs would suggest such a thing. "I trusted her with my heart, damn it!"

"They can tell when you're holdin' back. DiNozzo." He nods wisely. "They're like those little animals that dig…"

"Moles?"

"Nah." Gibbs makes motions with his hands to describe the shape of the animal whose name he's seeking.

"Ferrets?"

"Yeah, that's them. Ferrets." Gibbs nods wisely. "Never let up."

"It wasn't my secret to tell. If I told her then I was breaking trust with Danny," Tony protests.

"Huh. He's a crooked cop, DiNozzo."

"Didn't matter what it was about. I told him I'd keep it to myself, and I meant it. DiNozzos don't go back on their word, Boss." After a minute, Tony says, "She should've trusted that I was keeping it to myself for a good reason."

"Some things defy reason, DiNozzo. Women's one of 'em," Gibbs says sourly.

Tony's brain is tired and he doesn't want to think of his latest failure any more. He suspects that Gibbs doesn't want to think about his ex-wife and their earlier quarrel, either.

Tony sighs and thinks how glad he is that Gibbs steered him into the NCIS recruiting office, and that he was so readily accepted, by both the agency and his new boss. Gibbs is a good leader, a stalwart, honest, dedicated officer of the law; Gibbs would never turn on his partner. Plus it doesn't hurt that Gibbs is damned handsome and is really sexy for an older man, and Tony would bet Gibbs is pretty impressive when he's naked, with that big chest and straight back, and he'll have big balls that are slightly furred, and his cock will hang heavy until he turns towards Tony and then it will rise and grow rigid and thick and it'll be quite a sight. Tony sighs and closes his eyes.

When it hits Tony what went through his head a moment ago, his eyes fly open and he slaps himself in the middle of his forehead. What was he thinking? If Gibbs gets wind of what he'd just imagined he'd have Tony's head on a platter.

"You okay?" Gibbs asks. He's lying back on the couch, and his face is so damned close that Tony can feel the warmth of his bourbon-flavored breath on his cheek.

With those blue eyes studying him with concern, Tony finds he can't breathe. Overwhelmed, Tony lowers his gaze and focuses on the gray hairs peeping out from the neckline of Gibbs' polo shirt. "I'm tryin' to be okay, Gibbs." Tony raises his eyes to Gibbs' and isn't surprised to see compassion and something that looks damned well like affection in their depths. "How're you doin'?" Tony asks stupidly.

For a moment it seems as if Gibbs has forgotten his earlier dispute with his ex, and he doesn't seem to know what Tony's referring to, but then he connects the dots and shrugs. "Been 'round this divorce crap a coupla times already."

"Maybe it's time you tried something else," Tony suggests. Gibbs raises his eyebrows but Tony can't express what he's really thinking, that maybe Gibbs should try some same-sex loving and see if it's better and longer lasting. An image of naked men grappling flashes before Tony's eyes, like a short clip edited out of a foreign film: Alan Bates and Oliver Reed wrestling in front of the fireplace in 'Women in Love.' It's the 'hetero men exploring their gay side' kind of movie you'd see in an art-film cinema that shows European films for half-price on Wednesday nights. It's the type of movie Tony enjoys on his own because he doesn't know anyone who'd go with him, and besides, he doesn't really mind going solo because then you don't have to share your large tub of buttered popcorn with anyone.

"Try something else? Or someone else?" Gibbs moves closer to Tony until their mouths are only inches away from each other, their proximity inexplicably making Tony shy.

He berates himself for thinking it would be a bright idea to get drunk with Gibbs, and that somehow he could help ease Gibbs' pain when he was having a hard time over his divorce. Tony lowers his eyes when a surge of insecurity wells up, which isn't at all how he expects to react considering he's lying mere inches from his handsome boss, and he's dreamed about making a move on the guy since Baltimore. His heart beating madly, Tony tries to hide his face, and emotions, from Gibbs, and turns away.

Gibbs won't have any of it. He gently turns Tony's face in his direction, forcing the younger man to look at him. "Hey," he says, questioning what's going on in Tony's mind.

"Jesus," mutters Tony, shocked at what he sees. It looks like Gibbs might be a little bit interested in him. Tony should be excited, but there's something preventing him from reaching out. It's that old self-preservation thing again, that inner-Tony yelling at him to simply get the hell up and walk away â€" now â€" before Gibbs does something that makes Tony respond in a way he's gonna regret for the rest of his life. He's dying to touch Gibbs, and to be touched in return, but Tony knows that the second he does so, that'll be it. He'll be heading down the road again, that rough and lonely road that can only lead to disappointment and heartbreak, and they'll end up hating each other. God, whatever happened to the promise of the Hollywood ending?

Tony asks himself, if he leaves now, what will he miss? Inner-Tony (who, strangely enough, is dressed like a baseball catcher, complete with faceguard) shouts at him, 'You'll miss the pain, the hurt, that agonizing, belly-aching agony that can only come with love won and lost. For once, DiNozzo, do…not…fucking give in.' This is the same voice that he ignored when he took Wendy's hand in his and asked her to marry him. The same figment of his apparently over-active imagination that yelled at him, 'I told you fucking so, DiNozzo!' after she threw his diamond ring at his feet, and neither Inner-Tony nor his ex-fiancée offered him any compassion in his time of need. God, did he never learn?

Next thing he knows, Gibbs' hand is resting on his neck, warm and so comforting that Tony leans into it, his eyes closing for fear of breaking the spell. "God," he whispers. "I'm so afraid of making the wrong move, because everything that's supposed to be good, everything I touch, it all goes wrong and I'm so tired of trying, and I know I'll never be happy because I keep repeating the same mistakes, and it makes me think it's really a good time for me to give up and I'll be leaving nowâ€""

"Shut up, will ya, Tony?" Then Gibbs is pulling him close so their chests meet and his fingers are in Tony's hair and his mouth descends and amazingly, he's kissing Tony as if he's been waiting for this moment for far too long.

Tony, of course, gives in.

With a moan, he wraps his arms around Gibbs' shoulders because he can't get enough of him and he, too, has waited a lifetime for this and he's practically sobbing with need. That's when it hits Tony that he hasn't really lost all hope, that everything that went down in Baltimore has not totally ruined his chance at happiness after all, and that it's Gibbs who has brought it back to life. Somewhere, in Tony's befuddled mind, he wonders if he's finally found his crazy, beautiful Technicolor dream.

***end chapter 4***

Chapter 5

…and I'm wondering if we just try and risk everything for love
how can we ever go wrong.
~ Bird York

Eventually, when they break apart, panting and grinning like fools, Tony is afraid that if he speaks it'll all be over. But Gibbs hugs Tony to him and laughs as if he's discovered something wonderful and Tony responds with a similar laugh, knowing that Gibbs is happy because of him. Gibbs rocks Tony a bit, with one of his callused hands cradling the back of his head, fingers sliding through his silky hair.

All Tony can think of at that point is how right it feels. With his face buried in Gibbs' neck, Tony inhales and manages to mumble in a ragged voice, "You smell like wood." And he tastes like bourbon.

Gibbs pulls back to hold Tony's face in both of his hands, and waits for Tony to meet his steady gaze. He's smiling in a way Tony has never seen Gibbs smile before, and Tony knows it's special, meant only for him. They stay like that for a little while, with Gibbs gently kissing Tony's mouth, and his temple, and then under his jaw, and the kisses move down the long column of his neck to his collarbone, and nearly drive Tony crazy. He raises his face to the ceiling and exposes his throat to give Gibbs better access, and the feeling of the warm moist tongue and sucking mouth making a meal of his tender skin draws out a low moan from between his parted lips.

Tony doesn't understand this at all, or how it happened. He doesn't even know who this Gibbs is, because he's certainly not the man who bosses him around at work every day â€" the rough, tough gunny who barks orders and handles criminals with an iron fist. Tony now realizes that he had pretty much accepted that there never would be anything between them outside of work â€" except for the occasional backyard cookout. Now it appears that there is a lot more in store for him than a well-cooked steak and a few beers.

What's amazing is that Leroy Jethro Gibbs is really interested in him, and that Tony's dream of having wild monkey sex with his boss is becoming a reality. "I want," murmurs Tony. "I want…"

"What?" asks Gibbs, with fond impatience. He doesn't wait for a reply, but slides his hands inside Tony's shirt, fingers splayed across the smooth skin of his back, and dips his head to claim Tony's mouth again.

It amazes Tony that Gibbs wants him at all, but Gibbs' kisses are so damned intoxicating that Tony is moaning with pleasure and need, and right now he doesn't care about anything except taking everything that Gibbs cares to offer him. Tony lies back when Gibbs presses his shoulders to the couch, his body acquiescent and receptive. "Fuck me," he demands, astonished at his own audacity.

"Jesus, Tony," Gibbs says, sounding exasperated. He straddles Tony and rubs their groins together and asks bluntly, "How'd you like it?"

Tony groans at the friction of Gibbs' pelvis against his groin, and whines, "Just do it, please," which is really embarrassing, but what is even more embarrassing is that he doesn't give a shit how much he pleads so long as it gets him what he wants. He pants in Gibbs' ear and says breathily, "Never done it with a guy before. Just know I want you…in me." It sounds really sexy except then he hiccups and ruins the moment, making Gibbs shake his head. He's wondering what the hell he's gotten himself into, Tony thinks. He gets the feeling that Gibbs knows his way around the boys' locker room, and is a bit concerned that he's going to disappoint the more experienced man.

Gibbs asks in a low voice, "Never?" Tony, wide-eyed, shakes his head to say no, causing Gibbs to smile and say, "Good."

Then they're on their feet, and it registers in Tony's sluggish brain that Gibbs has bodily pulled him up and off the couch. They're standing close, though Tony doesn't know who is holding whom upright because they're swaying and hanging onto each other, equally pliant from the bourbon they've imbibed. They're like teens doing a slow dance at the prom, hands on each other's hips, swaying in time to the soft music.

After a long, deep kiss that leaves Tony with half-closed eyes and somewhat befuddled, Gibbs takes charge. He walks backwards, pulling Tony along with him to the stairs. They begin to climb, occasionally stumbling and grabbing each other or the banister for stability. Gibbs' hands rove across Tony's body, tugging at his shirt, and sliding up the bare skin of his belly when it's exposed, enticing him to follow him with every touch. Gibbs likes to kiss, apparently, and he's using teeth as well as tongue, and when he sucks and then bites down at the base of Tony's neck, where it meets his shoulder, Tony lets out a strangled cry. He knows he's going to be wearing a turtleneck for a week.

By the time they get halfway up the staircase, Gibbs is no longer gentle. His fingers grip Tony's biceps, almost painfully, exerting control over Tony, which the younger man finds he desperately needs. Gibbs stops partway up the stairs and indulges in a long, wet kiss, his tongue intruding deep into Tony's mouth. Tony feels pressure at his groin and finds Gibbs' thigh is forcing its way between his legs, rubbing back and forth, encouraging Tony's cock to jump to attention. Gibbs is pressing against him so hard, hips grinding against him, that Tony's head bangs against the wall and he almost loses his balance on the narrow step. He grabs onto the older man so he doesn't fall; Gibbs is solid, his arms like rocks beneath his loose shirt.

Murmuring his appreciation, Tony's hangs onto Gibbs with one hand while the other reaches down to rub against Gibbs' crotch. He's never done this before, touching another man like this. He can feel the shape of Gibbs' cock quite clearly through the trousers and lightweight underwear, and it's already damned hard. The cock jerks within Tony's fist when he delivers a squeeze to its length. It's an odd experience, handling another man's cock, even if it's through a couple of layers of clothing, but it doesn't bother Tony as much as he expected it to. Maybe it's because this is Gibbs, and because the cock in Tony's hand is getting longer and thicker all on his account, which is very flattering. Tony makes a sound of appreciation and fondles Gibbs' balls as best as he can though the trousers while his mouth roams underneath Gibbs' jaw.

Gibbs' grunt of reply relays his impatience. Apparently he's had enough of fooling around on the stairs because next thing Tony knows, they're in Gibbs' bedroom, dropping together onto the mattress, whose firmness Tony finds amusing due to his inebriated state. "Just like you," Tony mumbles while trying to strip Gibbs of his shirt and finding another layer of clothing underneath, which annoys him. "Too many," he grumbles.

Gibbs grouses, "Stop messing around," and pulls his own shirt and undershirt over his head. His clothing is tossed aside, and Tony's shirt follows a few seconds later.

Tony knows he's really drunk when the room starts swimming around. The cool air that plays across his groin tells him that his pants have followed his shirt and he doesn't seem to care that he's exposed. Tony wantonly parts his legs and reaches down to fondle his own balls. He's half erect, which is pretty good considering how much booze he's consumed. Suddenly Gibbs' naked body is plastered against him and he's grasped in a bear hug and rolled until, surprisingly, Tony discovers he's on top of the older man and his cock is reacting fast and hard. It's enough to wake him up because he never expected to be on top of Gibbs and he's wondering if he's got his signals crossed. "Uh…Boss?"

Gibbs seems to know what he's thinking; he shakes his head as if to say how silly Tony is to even entertain the thought that Gibbs would bottom. "I want to feel your weight on me," Gibbs says.

Tony complies, mumbling, "Okay, Boss," relaxing and letting his body drape heavily over Gibbs. His hands rove a bit, exploring Gibbs' hairy chest, finding a nipple that in the dim light appears to be rosy brown. Of course Tony can't resist licking it and then rolling the nub between his thumb and finger. He tugs on it a bit, surprised at the gasp his action elicits.

Gibbs is running his broad, callused hands up and down Tony's back, stopping to caress and squeeze his ass, which Tony likes. Tony sighs and rests his cheek high on Gibbs' chest. He can hear the older man's heart pounding away and smiles at the sound. This is so much better than he'd ever envisioned, more intimate somehow. Tony's hands slide along the length of Gibbs' torso, down his ribs to his hips, brushing gently along the warm skin, smooth here and hairy there. And Gibbs shifts his hips a little underneath Tony and oh God, his cock is hot and hard and wet where it's trapped between them. Tony rocks his hips in response, sliding his erect cock against Gibbs', the friction indescribably sensual. It's as though he's burning up inside as his need grows. The feeling of the hard masculine body he's covering with his own is unbelievably arousing because it's Gibbs he is lying with and because it's Gibbs who is about to fuck him into oblivion.

The hungry look in Gibbs' blue eyes makes Tony's heart pound so fast he wonders if he's going to have a heart attack before this is over. He reaches up and grasps the back of Gibbs' neck, and with a murmured, "Boss," kisses him passionately, loving the groan the slide of his tongue elicits. He thinks that Gibbs must get off on being called Boss, which is fine by him because it's always been more than a title as far as he's concerned. Right from the start Gibbs has been his boss on more than one level, and there's no point in denying it.

With a growling sound that would have scared Tony under any other circumstances, Gibbs hugs him hard enough to leave bruises, and they roll together until Tony is being crushed underneath Gibbs in an exquisitely painful way. Instinctively Tony embraces Gibbs and hooks his legs around him, and before he knows it, Gibbs' fingers, slick with lube, are stroking him behind his balls and he's dizzy with pleasure. Tony is already moaning by the time Gibbs starts to draw circles around his anus with a finger, then dips the tip into the tight muscle and out again. When two fingers all of a sudden breach him Tony cries out in surprise. Apparently Gibbs isn't into slow and easy but Tony already guessed that.

He thrusts against Gibbs' fingers, his body's needs taking over any of his alcohol-induced thoughts. It stings a bit but Tony discovers he has a deep-seated desire to experience pain, and it scares him a little because he's never wanted anything like that before. He's always been open and eager about sex and although he's a lot of sexual encounters (with women) they've always been pretty vanilla. Looks like all of that's about to change.

Tony has a good look at Gibbs' cock jutting out of a thatch of dark curling pubic hair, and it's heavy and thick and more than a little alarming, considering it's going to be driven deep into a very small hole, in his body, really soon.

Gibbs inserts his fingers deep into Tony's ass, and curls them, brushing across that sensitive spot, making Tony arch his back and squeal in reaction. "Oh my God, Gibbs, Gibbs!"

With his free hand Gibbs strokes Tony's hip in synch with the motion of the fingers still buried deep in Tony's ass, calming him with soft sounds. "Shhh, take it easy. Easy…"

But Tony doesn't want to take it easy, which is why he loves Gibbs, and he says as much. "Need…need more…need you!" His cock is hard as a rock, dripping pre-cum and bobbing with every movement he makes, crying for attention.

Gibbs chuckles at his eagerness and pulls his fingers out. Tony protests, "Boss! Nooo." But Gibbs shushes him and holds up a tube of lube and applies a lot more to his fingers. He leans in and breaches Tony with three fingers, turning them, wiggling and sliding them in and out, until Tony is keening and writhing, his head going from side to side on the pillow. Then it's four fingers and Tony's gasping, raising his knees right to his chest, hanging onto Gibbs' shoulders, curling in and rocking against the fingers. He knows he's making some God-awful sounds, sounds he's never made before in his life that are sort of harsh grunting moans, but Tony's beyond caring. Just when Tony's about to come and he's breathing hard and crying, Gibbs withdraws his fingers from his anus and grabs the base of Tony's cock. "No, I need to come, I need…"

Gibbs kisses him deeply, drinking in the long moan of protest. "You ready?" Gibbs asks, his voice rough with need. He already has a condom in hand, but waits for Tony's reply.

"What?" God, he's ready and willing for anything. He's past being ready, damn it! He tries to remove Gibbs' fingers from where they're gripping the base of his engorged cock, to no avail. "Gibbs," he whines.

But Gibbs wants to hear it from Tony's own mouth and he takes hold of Tony's desperately clutching hands and stills him. "Tony! Tell me you want this," he says, practically shouting at him. "I need to hear you say it. Or else this stops."

There's no going back, no way Tony would ever say no at this point, and surely Gibbs knows he wants this so badly he's dying here, but just the same he cries out, "Yes! More than ready, Boss. Please…please…now?"

Gibbs immediately releases the base of Tony's cock so he can roll the condom onto his own erection, and applies a large amount of lube in record time. Then and his strong hands are sliding under Tony's thighs, pushing them higher. Gibbs positions himself between Tony's legs. "Relax," says Gibbs, and Tony thinks, 'Easy for you to say.'

There's a blunt sort of pressure down there and there's pain â€" a lot more than Tony expects and it sobers him and even frightens him a little â€" and then he can feel Gibbs' length penetrating and sliding inside of him in one long push. It's hot and hard and it feels immense, and it's too damned much, and Tony's sure he's going to be torn and bleeding before this is over. "Too big! I can't! Gibbs!" For a moment he's near to panic and he's hanging onto Gibbs' shoulders for dear life, shouting something wordless that's half protest and half encouragement.

Then Gibbs gives a grunt and a jerk of his hips and his cock is fully seated and it's throbbing inside of Tony, and Tony can feel it pulsating in time to his own heartbeat. It feels full and so fucking deep, and it's incredible, and there is pleasure that makes Tony ache from his knees to his spine. He's panting and his thighs are trembling and he's afraid to move.

Gibbs takes care of Tony's worry by moving slowly and with care, saying hoarsely, "Yes, God, that's it, easy, easy, Tony." He pulls out and slips back into Tony's body, leisurely at first. Tony is soon groaning and grasping at Gibbs' shoulders and arms, his neck, a fistful of the cropped-short hair â€" anything he can get his hands on â€" encouraging him, begging for more.

Gibbs picks up speed and his thrusts become more urgent, and his balls slap against Tony's ass when Tony rocks his hips to meet Gibbs. Tony almost comes when Gibbs fists his cock and rubs his thumb across its head, spreading his pre-cum around, slicking up his shaft and pumping it slowly, twisting a bit on every upstroke. Tony jerks his hips, humping into Gibbs' hand and feeling the movement of Gibbs' cock inside of him at the same time, his moans rising in pitch as he approaches his peak. "Boss!"

They are both breathing hard, and the air reeks of sex, and of the smell of booze that they're now sweating out of their pores. Gibbs changes the angle of his hips and he hits that spot inside of Tony that makes him scream with pleasure. Gibbs pounds into Tony's ass so hard that their joined bodies are propelled several inches up the bed with every thrust until Tony's forced up against the headboard. An intense array of feelings rush over Tony and he digs his fingers into Gibbs' ass, grunting almost as loudly as the man who's fucking him like there's no tomorrow. This is nothing like the feeling Tony gets when he fucks himself with the Red Dragon dildo (while he's thinking of Gibbs) â€" this is powerful and impassioned, and it is pure, unadulterated Gibbs. Nothing can possibly compare.

Tony cries out and clutches at Gibbs, hauling him close in his moment of orgasm, shuddering as he comes over both of their bellies. Somehow Gibbs manages to halt in mid-thrust and, suspended there, he waits for Tony to relinquish his crushing grip on him before he gives a quick series of strong thrusts of his hips. Gibbs shouts loudly when he comes deep inside of Tony.

Gibbs collapses and rolls onto his side, panting against Tony's neck. Tony wraps his arms around Gibbs and kisses the side of his face but he is totally spent and can't find the energy to speak. He'd like to say something, though. He wants to tell Gibbs how much this means to him, how his heart isn't pumping madly because it's trying to recover from the physical exertion, but because it's full of love and that elusive feeling of hope. He may not be able to say it aloud, but Tony can just about manage to offer a tender kiss to Gibbs' mouth, a token of thanks and a promise of more, before he falls asleep in his lover's arms.

*

Tony awakes and has no clue where he is. His head is killing him and it takes him a couple of minutes of blinking to open his eyes properly, and even then he doesn't recognize the bedroom he's in. Although that's not an unusual circumstance, there's something different about this particular bedroom â€" it's undeniably masculine with its navy blue sheets and dark wood furniture. He looks around groggily, and absently scratches his belly, which is covered in dried semen. That's when it hits him. This is Gibbs' room, Gibbs' bed. He had Gibbs-sex. Tony covers his face with both of his hands and moans, "Oh God what the fuck was I thinking?" Sure, he has a hangover (although it isn't half as bad as it should be, considering all the bourbon he drank,) and he stinks of sex and his ass really hurts. He grins anyway.

"Hey," Gibbs says, appearing in the doorway to what appears to be the bathroom.

Tony jerks up into a sitting position and thinks, 'Shit, here comes the awkward moment when I avoid his eyes and gather up my clothes as fast as I can and scurry off without even taking a piss or getting a kiss good morning â€" or good-bye.' Instead of saying any of that aloud Tony opens his mouth and says, "Uh." He sees that Gibbs is dressed only in loose-fitting jeans, and his chest hair is a mixture of dark brown and gray, which he hadn't noticed in the dim light last night. He has a nice chest, broader than Tony expected now it is revealed in the morning light, but his nipples are exactly as he remembers, dusky pink. Tony licks his lips, wanting to take one in his mouth.

With a shake of his head, Gibbs walks over to the bed, crawls across the mattress until he's next to Tony, and gives him a bone-melting, sloppy, deep, complete-tongue-exploration good-morning kiss. When Tony opens his eyes again he's lying on his side facing Gibbs, and their hands are resting on each other's hipbones, and they are both smiling.

"Morning," says Tony cautiously, not quite sure if he should get his hopes up.

Gibbs' hand slides all the way up Tony's body, across his exposed skin, and comes to rest on his cheek. "Yes it is," Gibbs says. The only evidence that Gibbs has drunk half a bottle of bourbon the night before is the red veins in the whites of his eyes. Apart from that he's looking damned healthy, and apparently he's pleased with himself.

Tony is pretty sure that he looks like shit in comparison and he's about to duck his head and figure out how to make a somewhat graceful exit when Gibbs leans in and kisses him again. This time it's soft, a mere brush of his lips, but it's so sweet and affirming that it has to be the best kiss they've shared.

"Stay," says Gibbs, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Uh, for breakfast?"

"Let's start with the weekend."

"You sure?"

"Do I ever say anything I don't mean, DiNozzo? You need to stop second-guessing everything and accept that you're on my team now. You're mine. Got that?"

That has to be the best and most fervent invitation Tony's ever had, even if Gibbs looks mean enough to scare most seasoned cops. But Tony doesn't scare easily. He smiles. "Okay. I like your home a lot better than the place I'm staying, anyway."

Gibbs seems pleased to hear that. "And Tony?"

"Yeah, Boss?"

"You don't have to get me drunk. Next time just ask."

Tony grins, incredibly happy. "Sure thing, Boss."

Gibbs pulls Tony close and kisses him, then whispers gruffly, as only Gibbs can do, "And thanks for caring."

***end ***
Thanks for reading my story. I'd love to hear your comments! You can find all my stories at fanfiction dot net, and at my LiveJournal page, under rose_malmaison, and at WWOMB.