The pressure in his chest burst. Wave after wave escaped him. He was crying... and crying. Arms that held him close shifted, turned him. Fingers combed into the back of his head, holding tight as an arm came around to hug him close to a hard, male body. Tony's own arms wrapped around strong shoulders and held on. Kate was gone. She wasn't coming back. She wasn't going to be there to tease him... help him tease McGee... sympathize with him when Gibbs was not having a good day. He wanted to be there... see her get married... maybe be an uncle to her children in some form... all gone... all gone...

"That's it, Tony," Gibbs whispered into his ear, his voice unmade. "I'm here." His body continued to gently rock Tony, fingers in his hair continued to pet, to sooth. "I'm not going anywhere. Promise."

Promise. Assurance. Gibbs never lied. Never. Tony held on tighter, assured when Gibbs own embrace became nearly painful. As the cries leveled out a cough escaped him, followed by another as the constant tickle he had had in his throat since getting sick fed one spasm after another. Oh shit... a fit... Tony found it hard to breathe between wracking coughs that pulled already strained muscles in his chest and stomach. As a veteran of bronchitis he knew it would stop... eventually... hopefully...

"Here... blow your nose as hard as you can!"

Tony knew he was on the kitchen floor. Paper towels were bunched in his hands. He knew the routine, to stop the coughing he had to clear himself out. He did as instructed with immediate results. The next cough wasn't as deep; the ability to take in a single breath was a blessed event. Then the coughing began again. More paper towels, silent instruction. A strong hand braced his shoulders, counter to his own arm instinctively wrapped around his chest to lessen the pain. "Just breath in, Tony. I've got an open jar of Vicks here."

Vicks. Tony drew a breath and almost sighed as the vapors invaded his nostrils and made their way into his lungs, clearing a path. The next cough was only half as heavy as everything loosened. "Oh god!" he said finally as he drew two breaths together, getting only token spasms as the vapors continued to do their job. His head fell back. He had expected to hit the wall or the metal leg of the table. But instead there were the warmth of another human being under the nape of his neck, down his spine, supporting. "Boss?"

"Tony?" Gibbs' voice was strong but rough. "You all done?"

"I think-" Tony coughed lightly. "Um... yeah... sorry..." He felt completely washed out in all ways he thought possible to be washed out and not unconscious. But even so he tried to sit up on his own, to move from the welcoming contact. Gibbs-

"Stay." Order. Gibbs' body shifted. The small jar of Vicks was taken from under his nose then the cover screwed back on and the jar set aside. Then the older man moved closer, an arm pulling Tony from behind until his back was flush with Gibbs' chest. Then the arm around Tony's waist loosened into a more comfortable hold. More intimate.

Tony looked... stared... unsure. For months there had been hints... perhaps... odd moments. Ducky had made a comment... once... when he was recovering from what was done to him by that crazed mortician family. Tony had come with groceries. Ducky's mother had tipped him, a dollar. Tony graciously accepted then tried to give it back to the Medical Examiner who chuckled as he waved him off.


"Keep it, Anthony. It was well earned." The older man was tired but alert. His fingers moved towards the tall glass on the table beside his chair. "Could you get me another glass of orange juice?"

Tony quickly complied. When he returned Ducky was on his phone with Gibbs. "Yes, Mr. Palmer knows how to dispose of those, Jethro. He's very capable but he's just beginning his experiences. You have to let him make those little mistakes without biting his head off." Ducky smiled as he saw Tony. "Young Anthony is here taking care of me." Pause. "I'll send him along. Just remember in terms of experience he's has some things to learn too but he's going to need the proper environment." An evil smile graced the old man's face. "No, my friend. This isn't over but for now I'll accept a truce."

The phone was hung up. Tony stared at Ducky, surprised and confused. What the hell were they talking about? Mallard merely chuckled again and patted Tony's arm. "He needs you back in the office." He lightly gripped Tony's wrist. "Don't forget this... even if you don't understand... because you will one day. Hmmm?"


Understand. Tony's stomach tingled as did understand, as Gibbs merely held him as if waiting for him to understand. He hesitated. Not the first time he found a guy attractive. Not the first time he was in a situation of a stolen kiss... half a jerk off... once even... something else not finished... But he never felt what he felt now... for a man or woman... it was Gibbs-

"We need to talk," Gibbs assured, his hand flattening over Tony's abdomen. "No pressure... assuming your want-"

"I-" Tony cleared his throat. A cough was threatening again. "Why?"

Gibbs' breath blew over Tony's neck. A sigh. "You're filthy," he observed.

True. Tony felt like baked slime. His emotions were stable for the moment. He shifted as he realized he was probably offending...

"Didn't tell you to move, DiNozzo," Gibbs countered verbally as his arm tightened around Tony. Secure. Then, after a time... "Do you think you can get up? Because we both need to clean off."

Clean. Tony sniffled then blew his nose on what remained of the towels he had been given. "Okay. Yeah, I can do it." He moved to get up, hoping his legs would cooperate. But Gibbs was right behind him, moving with him, making sure that they did.

"Just take a step at a time, Tony," Gibbs guided as they reached the hardwood steps leading to the second floor. Everything hurt. Tony stumbled only to be caught by the older man then set on track. Fourteen steps later he was on the upper landing. Fifteen steps later he was in Gibbs' bathroom and his boss was opening his pants.

"Hold onto the counter as you step out," Gibbs order quietly as he pulled down Tony's pants. Efficient, impersonal movements. As Tony obeyed his gaze shifted to the mirror and glimpsed a stranger with a thin face, bright reddened eyes, hair askew... drops of blood caking over his forehead and nose..

"Don't look, Tony."

A gentle hand cupped his cheek and drew his gaze away from the terrible tableau. Gibbs blue eyes were bright and reddened... tearful. Tony frowned. He had never seen his boss tearful. Without thinking he mirrored the older man's touch. "I'm sor-"

"Don't!" Gibbs fingers gripped Tony's hair. "There's been enough of that!" His fingers relaxed, caressing as they withdrew. "Take off your shirt."

Tony peeled off the cotton shirt as carefully as his aching ribs and sore muscles would allow. Gibbs helped at the end and threw the garment on the floor. Naked. It really didn't register. He had been naked in front of Gibbs before.

Gibbs gave him a small smile as he stepped back and stripped off his own clothes with Marine-like efficiency. In under a minute he was nude, his firm body facing Tony's. Some nervousness filtered through the fog as Tony studied his boss. He had seen it all once or twice before but hadn't really looked... except the last time... before he got sick...

Gibbs' smile became a smirk then he turned on the water in the stand up shower... the large stand up shower. He held out his hand. "Come on. We both need to get cleaned up and there's only so much hot water."

Hot water. Tony took his hand. Gibbs has showered in close quarters with other guys... in Iraq. The water was warmer than he liked but he didn't mind. He didn't know what to expect. Gibbs simply pushed him back and made him stand then grabbed the soap and washed himself with the same efficiency he had undressed. In short order he was rinsed, including his hair. Shampoo. Tony smiled. Gibbs didn't believe in shampoo. He had learned that the first time he had spent the night here... when his apartment...

"Just concentrate on not falling, Tony," Gibbs informed him as his hands, slick with soap, rubbed over his chest. "Let me get this done then you can sleep."

Sleep. Tony watched his boss' hands. Hands he had seen take out guys twice his weight glided over his skin in a fashion that skated the edge of personal and professional. Feeling. Tony closed his eyes as his body quaked from the inside out. Gibbs fingers were touching him on more than the superficial level of bathing his skin. Feeling. He was feeling... He backed away from the contact or tried to. The shower wall stopped him. Gibbs hands cupped his shoulders.

"Let go, Tony," Gibbs ordered softly. "It's okay to let go."

Tears stung painfully behind his eyelids. Didn't he just get this out of his system? What kind of wuss was he?

Fingers combed through his hair, thick with soap. Scrubbing. Washing. Tony knew there had been blood there... bits of Kate... now running down the drain...

"Just feel me, Tony. Trust me." Gibbs' voice was direct but soft, the kind of soft Tony never heard except when he spoke to children. Did his boss think he was a child?

His body was guided, his hair rinsed. But hands remained. Moving. Gliding. Caressing. Tony's eyes snapped open to find Gibbs' face close to his, blue eyes sad but aroused. Aroused. Tony swallowed hard as his body began to respond, to feel...

"No." Tony pushed though not with the force he would have liked. "I can't-"

"Trust me, Tony." Gibbs' lips brushed, invited. "It's okay. It's okay." His hands were on Tony's hips, holding without trapping. "It's okay to feel, Tony."

Tony shook his head but before he could speak Gibbs went down on his knees. His boss's face lean towards his partially arouse crotch, Gibbs' mouth-

"No!" Tony collapsed back against the tiled wall as the slide of a tongue and the motion of a warm mouth brought his cock to life. In the cooling warmth of the shower his own fingers slid into Gibbs hair meaning to push him away. This wasn't right... Kate was dead...

Strong hands held his thighs. Knowing lips and tongue moved with experience. Tony tried to protest but his body seemed to know better. Feel. A sob escaped him in conflict with the erotic stimulation Gibbs was providing. Feel. Tony's vision blurred with renewed grief even as his hands encouraged Gibbs to continue. Feel. His hips rocked as his cock demanded... as the crying began again...

Gibbs' moan sent vibrations up Tony's spine. Between the quiet sobs he gasped as his cock was swallowed, as things were done a woman had never done, that he had never allowed another man to do...

He held Gibbs' head against him as he came, as the universe shifted then returned. Tony leaned against the cold tile of the shower. Cool water flowed over him as Gibbs stood and faced him. Tony met his supervisor's... his lover's... gaze. Still sad but focused... on him. "Boss..."

Gibbs' smirked. His fingers petted the fine hairs on Tony's chest. "Jethro." His other hand rubbed up and down Tony's side, soothing. "I think we're past 'Boss'."

Tony couldn't help but smirk back. Probably. Gibbs' mouth met his, demanding. Tony gave in immediately. Taste. Odd. Tony realized his cum was still present. He had never tasted his or anyone else's cum. As Gibbs drew back he licked his lips...

"First time?" Gibbs questioned with a gentle smile.

Tony's skin tingled. "Um... yeah... I mean... I've done... but not this..."

Gibbs put a hand to his mouth. "It's okay." He heaved a sigh. "I'm sorry this happened because..." He kissed Tony again, briefly. "Better?"

Sad. Tony blinked residual tears from his eyes. He felt sad. But some of the numbness was still inside. He shrugged, not knowing how to respond. Then he looked down as he realized Gibbs hadn't...

Gibbs brought Tony's face back up. "I'm fine... just you jerking off was enough for me." He ruffled Tony's hair then turned off the now cold water and opened the shower door. Air rushed in, making him shiver. Gibbs grabbed a towel from the rack just outside and started to dry Tony's hair and face then his shoulders. "I'm not going anywhere." He paused in his ministrations. "Unless you don't want-"

"No." Tony sighed. "I mean yes... I want this... I-"

"Okay." Gibbs continued his work. In a minute he was done with Tony. "Go ahead to the bedroom. You know where I keep my sweats." He smiled. "You've borrowed enough of them."

Tony smiled back in spite of the surreal atmosphere that was suddenly emerging. They had just... but Gibbs seem to think it was all a part of it... a part of...

"You can sleep in the spare bedroom, if you want."

Gibbs was drying himself off, his attention focused on his task but his tone betrayed him. Unsure. Tony touched the older man's shoulder. "I'm a pain in the ass," he announced.

Gibbs finished and threw out the used towel then stepped out of the shower. He studied Tony who still stood within. "Got that about twenty minutes after the interview started three years ago." He gestured with his hand. "Come on. You're going to get sick again if you stand there like that." His eyes rolled. "Then I'll have to deal with Ducky."

Ducky. Tony honestly didn't know anyone Gibbs feared more, on that friendly fear level... He carefully stepped out and took his lover's hand as he faltered. Together they went into the bedroom and silently dressed into sweatpants. Gibbs got into bed, a queen sized bed, and held open the covers, waiting.

Tony followed as if doing all his life and got in, letting Gibbs pull him close as they lay side by side. Feeling. Tony coughed a little as his eyes filled once again, as he remembered. "Kate's dead, boss."

Gibbs' pulled him even closer until they were spooned like puzzle pieces. His lips brushed Tony's shoulder. "I know, Tony. It's going to be all right. I'll wake you in a couple of hours so you can eat and drink some more. Okay?"

"Okay." Tony let his eyes shut.



A few hours later his internal clock woke him. He watched his lover sleep, assured himself of the young man's improved color and breathing then got up and went to the bathroom. As he gathered the dirty towels and clothes he noticed a piece of thick, folded paper sticking out from Tony's pants pocket. Curious he unfolded it...

"Oh god, Kate..."

Gibbs all but collapsed onto the lid of the toilet. His tears blurred the sight of his now dead subordinate's talents. Tony... the real Tony, drawn as her gifted eyes saw him. He swallowed hard as he tried then failed to hold back the feelings that constantly clawed at him since that moment on the roof... since he had to tell the others... since his panic when he saw the cell and gun on Tony's desk... his overwhelming relief and anger when they did find him, sitting like a lost little boy in the middle of Kate's apartment.

Perhaps it was the extra years and experience but Gibbs knew he couldn't hold back any longer. Pain... anger... concern... fear... He let the tears fall and cried himself out, careful not to harm the treasure he had found or wake the young man sleeping in the next room. Several minutes later, after it was over, he splashed cold water on his face and continued to clean up the bathroom. It was close to midnight. He had to check in with their babysitters outside. Then he'd make some pancakes and hash browns, something simple and plain for himself and Tony... his lover...

His reason for feeling...