Chapter 1.
The watcher.

Tony was at his desk working or more exactly pretending to work. For two weeks, now he was worried…He had accepted this job for a precise reason. He had a task to accomplish and he did not know how to do it now. He had made some choices. He could have done some things differently but he knew Gibbs would not have allowed him to do what he had to do.

Things had turned wrong lately and he knew he would have to change some things and probably have a serious talk with Gibbs. The talk he was scared to have with him. He was not sure the older man was ready to hear what he had to tell him…How could you be ready to hear that kind of news especially when your name is Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

He had called for help. An old friend he had met at the University while he was studying anthropology…Another secret in his life. No one knows about this part of his life and it had been hard to hide it from Gibbs but he had learnt to play and hide whom he really was and why he was here.

So here, he was waiting for his friend, waiting for help. Gibbs was at his desk working on his computer. He was in a bad mood just as he had been for the last ten days. Tony had observed him closely…It was what he was doing for the last two years…And he had noticed alarming changes in his behaviour. It was a sign that something was wrong.

Tony had studied him with the eyes of the specialist he was but it had become more than that over the years. He had understood who this man was and why no one had really been able to understand him. He had some keys the others had not and that is why he was worried today. Looking at him he had realized that the older man was suffering from migraines, sometimes he did not hear him and Tony had seen him where sunglasses for the first time in two years and this day there was not so much light…

He knew something was wrong with Gibbs' senses and the only person who could help him was Blair Sanburg. The only one who knew more about Sentinels than himself. Blair was living in Cascade and for years, he was working with James Ellison the first real sentinel they had found. When they were at the University they had made many researches on the subject, they had travelled far away to try to find a Sentinel.

Tony had met Jim not so long after Blair had moved with him to the loft. This guy was amazing. He was able to hear or see things that were miles away and Blair had helped him developing his abilities. His five senses were the same…and they had solved many cases using Jim's Sentinel's abilities.

Tony had seen them come closer every time he had visited them. He smiled at the thoughts of the day they had announced him they had finally decided to take the next step in their relationship. No one would have guessed seeing them that they could be a couple…No one except their true friends. It had been obvious for Tony from the beginning that it would end like that for different reasons.

Blair was Jim's Guide and a Sentinel and his guide were linked by something hard to describe…They needed each other. Jim would have gone mad if Blair had not been there and Blair would not be able to stay away from Jim for long. It was a part of the relationship between a Guide and a Sentinel. They did not always end up sharing a bed but they needed regular physical contacts.

Tony was interrupted by his cell phone. He had turned it in silent mode to be sure no one would hear it but he saw Gibbs raise his head and look at him. Of course…
It was Blair. They had agreed he would call as soon as he was at Tony's apartment. Blair was a precious friend. He had always been there to help him when he had met Gibbs and found out about who he was.

The younger man stood up and looked at Gibbs who had turned his attention back to his computer. Tony knew Gibbs was not really working. It was already late and they had closed their last case hours ago. Tony had stayed here just to be sure Gibbs would be fine. However, he had to go now and he did not want to let Gibbs alone here knowing the older man would stay at his desk almost all night.

-You should go back home, Boss. There is a boat waiting for you.
Gibbs did not reply and just looked up at him. There was no anger in his eyes and Tony could only see tiredness. He wondered if the older man had taken any rest in the last days. He had to do something soon or Gibbs will not be able to handle this situation. He had thought it would be enough to be here and watch him carefully but he realized he had been wrong. Gibbs needed more now and Tony did not know how to help him.

-You need to take some rest, Gibbs. Do you want me to drive you home?
-I took my car this morning, Tony.
-I could come to your house tomorrow and drive you back here… You seem to be really tired…
Tony winced saying the last words and he was waiting for a harsh reply from Gibbs but nothing came. The older man just stood up taking his jacket.
-I think you are right. I did not have some much sleep lately…If it does not bother you I accept your offer…
-Good, Boss. Let's go!

Gibbs followed him to the elevator. As they stood in it Gibbs' hand brushed Tony's hand and the younger man smiled. Gibbs had always needed to touch him from the beginning but most of the time it was a slap at the back of his head. Tony must admit he preferred that soft contact but he knew it was a way for him to keep in contact.

They walked silently to Tony's car. Gibbs had never been very talkative. He never talked if it was not needed but lately he had become even quieter and he couldn't stand when there was too much noise around him. So, Tony didn't turn on the radio.
Gibbs seemed to be lost in his thoughts during the travel but Tony knew it was something else. He had witnessed him doing that sometimes when he needed to gather his strength. Tony would have to ask Blair about that.

As they arrived in front of Gibbs house Tony turned off the ignition and looked at the man next to him. Gibbs seemed to be oblivion to the world as if he had found refuge somewhere in himself. Tony knew how to bring him back. He put a hand on Gibbs' arm.
-Boss, you are home. You can come back now.
Gibbs blinked several times as if he was just waking up from a long nap.
-Thanks, Tony. See you tomorrow.

Gibbs was about to get out of the car when Tony asked him a question he probably asked him a hundredth time every day.
-You are sure you are ok, Boss?
And he received always the same answer at this question.
-I'm' fine Tony.
Tony didn't know why but he couldn't believe him. Gibbs was not fine but he would do anything to help him. Tony knew Blair would give him some answers but for that, he had to let Gibbs alone one more time. And as always he couldn't help feeling he should have stayed with him.

He waited until the older man closed his front door and drove back to his apartment. He already missed Gibbs presence next to him. And even if he knew it was not something unusual in such circumstances this need to be near him was beginning to bother him. He parked his car in the street and walked slowly to his door.

When he opened it he found Blair sat on his couch his glasses on his nose and a book in his hands. The true picture of Blair Sanburg. He stayed there looking at his friend who had not even heard him come in. Tony couldn't help smiling at the thought of the long hours they had spent bent over some old books trying to find information about Sentinels in Blair's small bedroom.

Blair finally looked up at him and smiled. That smile had always made Tony's heart melt. Blair was unable to lie or hide anything. Tony smiled back at him. Over the years, Blair had not changed. He was still wearing long curly hair and his eyes were still bright. He had lost the innocence that had put him so many times into troubles. Working for the police could do that sometimes.

Blair had stood up and put his glasses and book on the coffee table.
-Hi, Tony.
-Blair. It's good to see you.
Tony walked to his friend and hugged him. He had visited him and Jim only a month ago but it was always hard for Tony to be away from his friend.
-I guess you still had some work to do. I called you almost an hour ago.
-No but I drove Gibbs home…you know just to be sure he would not stay at his desk all night…
Blair could read the concern on Tony's face. Tony had already told him about some of Gibbs' troubles but he realized it was more than that.
-You should tell me about what happened in the last weeks.
-Did you eat?
-Nope. And you?
-Not yet… What about a pizza?

Blair frowned. Tony knew perfectly well, what Blair was thinking about his eating habits but he also knew it was useless to argue with him.
-As you wish Tony.
Tony came back from the kitchen a moment later with two cups of tea.
-Thanks, Tony.
-My pleasure…
Tony sat next to Blair looking at his steaming tea.

-How is Jim?
-Fine. He told me to say hi and tell you he was waiting for you…
-For what…?
-You don't remember…? You promised to follow him the next time he was going to fish in the mountains.
-Oh! I had wished he would forget about it…
-You don't know him, Tony. He has a very good memory for things like that.

Tony smiled at the thought of James Ellison. The man was a rock…the kind of man you prefer having as a friend. But he had learnt that most of the time it was only a mask Jim was wearing. He had seen the real James Ellison in Blair's eyes. Jim would do anything for Blair and Tony was glad his friend had found someone like him to take care of him and love him. They were great together and even if Tony couldn't help feeling a bit jealous he knew Blair was happy and it was more than enough for him.

They waited for the pizza to be delivered. Blair knew it won't be easy for Tony to talk about what had happened in his and Gibbs' life. Tony had called him the night after his friend death and they had talked for hours. He had tried to comfort him but he knew the wound would take time to heal.
-Tony, I know it's been hard weeks for you and Gibbs and I'm really sorry for your friend.
-Thanks, Blair. Kate didn't deserve dieing like that.
-No one does, Tony.

They stayed silent for a moment. Blair didn't want to push his friend and he knew Tony would talk.
-I'm worried for Gibbs, Blair. I think he lost the little control he had on his senses.
-To be honest I was scared something like would happen some day. It's already amazing that he could have controlled them for so long on his own.
-He is having trouble concentrating. He can't stand the slightest noise, the light…He doesn't drink coffee anymore because the smell of it is too strong.
-You think all his senses are affected.
-Yes. It's more obvious with sight and hearing but taste, touch and smell are also bothering him.
-I have to ask you some questions Tony.
-Sure, if it can help find a solution…
-Tony, you know what you should do first.
-I can't tell him. He would never believe me.

Blair could hear the truth in his friend's voice.
-Ok. But you would probably be obliged to tell him one day…
-Not if I can avoid it.
-Does he touch you?
-Yes, he always touches me but lately it became something else.
-What do you mean?
-I don't know. He used to slapping me at the back on the head but he doesn't do that anymore. It's more light touches when we are side by side. It's more…
-Gentle…?
-Yes and I think that's what bothers me the most. I mean I like when he touches me but it's not Gibbs…I don't know if I make any sense…
-It does make sense Tony. I never met him but I can tell what kind of man he is. I told you it's amazing he had been able to take the control of his senses on his own. When I met Jim he was going nuts…he could not sleep, had lost appetite…

Blair put a hand on Tony's knee.
-Tony, you helped him being there for him and he sensed he could trust you. But you know he needs more than that. He isn't aware of his abilities. He had learnt to live with them, to bury them sometimes but one day he will be unable to handle his senses and this day he would need a Guide…
-I'm not sure to be able to do that, Blair.
-I'll help you, Tony. And I don't think you have a choice. Gibbs will not be able to go on like that for long. He has to know he is a Sentinel.
-Why now, Blair…?
-I don't know. It has probably something to do with your friend's death…it must have reminded him of some other events. You told me he was a snipper. It's probably during that period he developed his senses the most… Maybe some memories had come back to him after your friend had been shot…But I have another theory…

Blair sighed before going on. He was not sure Tony wanted to hear what he had to say.
-You were with him on that roof…?
-Yes. Kate was between the two of us…We were joking when we heard the shot…
-It could have been you…
Tony looked at Blair with a puzzled look on his face. He didn't understand what Blair was trying to say.
-Let me tell you a story. Almost a year ago another Sentinel came in Cascade. She knew about Jim and I tried to help her…but …Well, let's say it was not the best idea but Jim had gone mad and he had thrown me away from the loft.
-I didn't know. Why didn't you call me?
-I didn't have so much time to react. I was sleeping at the University. She came there, she wanted me to help her and tell her how to develop her senses. I refused and she…

Blair had troubles going on and Tony was worried to see his friend like that. Those events had visibly been hard for him. Tony knew what Jim meant to him but he feared there was something worse behind Blair's hesitation.
-What happened, Blair? What did she do to you?
-She killed me.
-What…?
-Jim found me in the fountain in front of the University. My heart had stopped. I can only tell you what Simon had told me after because Jim refused to talk about it at first.

Tony couldn't believe his friend.
-I don't know how he did that but Jim brought me back to life. It must have been a Sentinel thing but after that the link between us became even stronger…
-Jim told you what happened…?
-I had to force him but yes he told me. He said he had just known what he had to do. He was acting on instinct all the time…
-A Sentinel – Guide thing…?
-That's what I think. But he also said he had felt he would not be able to live if I had died this day. He knew he would have died too. I tried to tell him he would have found a way to go on…probably another Guide. But he refused to listen and he said I was a part of himself and that he needed me to live as he needed his lungs to breathe…
-You think the link is as strong as that between a Sentinel and his Guide…that when one die the other one can't survive him…?

Blair took a moment before answering. He was not sure about it but he had felt it every time Jim had been hurt or in danger. He knew deep inside that he would not be able to live without him. He had never thought about ending his like and it was not like that when he thought about what could happen if Jim died. It was more like an evidence, he will not survive Jim. He could not even imagine a life without, it was physically impossible.

-I think the link is as strong as that, yes. A Sentinel and a Guide are the two sides of the same person, of the same soul. I can't even describe what Jim and I are sharing, Tony. And I think Gibbs felt it on that roof. He realized it could have been you and he couldn't face it.
-You think the problems he is having with his senses are due to that…? But I've never been the goal of the sniper. He was aiming at Kate and Gibbs is well aware of that.
-We are not talking about facts here, Tony. We are talking about feelings…And even if Sentinels are most of the time strong and always in control they are unable to deal with some feelings. They are even more fragile than any of us.

Tony stood up and began pacing around the room. He had to think about what Blair had just said. He could still see Gibbs eyes on him as they both had realized Kate was dead. He had seen the anger, the sadness but there had been something else here. He had not been able to interpret what it was but as he thought about Blair's words…
Gibbs had been scared, but not for himself or for any one else. He remembered how Gibbs had followed him everywhere, looking at him while he was typing his report as if he could not keep his eyes away from him.

-You have to talk to him, Tony and the sooner the better.
-What can happen to him, Blair?
-I don't know, Tony. But from what you told me about his behaviour I can tell you he is not in control anymore. You remember the last time you came in Cascade…?
-Yes, Blair.
Tony remembered clearly, what happened this day. They were in the loft talking lightly when Jim's face had become white. Blair reacted immediately placing a hand on his arm and talking to him. Tony couldn't hear what his friend was saying. Jim had not reacted at first, he was starring at nothing…But Blair had brought him back murmuring soft words to him.

They had found information about that kind of reaction while doing their researches on Sentinels. It was called a zone out. When a sense was overloaded with something, the Sentinel just shut down…Jim had learnt to control them with Blair's help. This time it had been smell of a fire that had caused it. The Guide was the only one who could bring back the Sentinel.

-You think Gibbs could do a zone out…?
-Tony, I think he could be worse than what Jim did when you were at the loft. If his senses are out of control, he will probably react the only way he could and turn off his senses. And if he does that willingly it would be really hard to bring him back.
-But you said the Guide could reach his Sentinel no matter how far he had gone…?
-I know what I said Tony but Gibbs doesn't know you are his Guide…He doesn't even know he is a Sentinel…
-God, what have I done? I thought it would be better if he didn't know and now you are telling it could kill him.

They were interrupted by Tony's cell. It was Gibbs. Tony could feel the fear spreading in his body as he saw the name written on the small screen.
-What's wrong, Boss?
For a moment, he prayed his boss was calling him because they had a new case. He would have preferred hearing him say they were about to go to Alaska. But the only thing he could hear at this end of the line was Gibbs breath. Tony tried to keep the control of his voice and not yell in his phone.

-Boss, talk to me. What's wrong?
His voice was only a whisper but he knew Gibbs could hear him. He waited, hoping Gibbs would answer him but nothing. He didn't hang up. He knew he had to keep talking to him, keep the contact. Blair had understood something was wrong and he was already searching for his and Tony's jacket. Tony took the keys of his car and they both exited the room almost running to Tony's car.
-Jethro, stay with me. I'm coming. I'll be here in five minutes. Talk to me please.
Blair was driving, Tony silently indicating him the road to Gibbs' house. The travel was done fast and Tony ran out of the car even before Blair could stop the car.

For the first time he was glad that Gibbs never locked his front door. He entered the dark house and immediately saw Gibbs laying naked on the floor. The older man was curled in a ball, his eyes closed, he was breathing hard and Tony could see his face distorted with pain…

Blair was standing at the door and he realized the worst had happened when he saw Gibbs in the middle of his living room. The only thing he could hope was that it was not too late…

Chapter 2.
The Guide.

Tony was unable to move. His eyes had not left the man lying on the floor. He knew what had happened to Gibbs and he should have guessed something like that would happen. Gibbs had lost the control of his senses.
Gibbs was unable to stand the slightest noise, light or touch. That's why the house was dark and why he was naked his hands on his ears. Tony couldn't even imagine the pain he must be in. he walked to him when he felt Blair's hand on his shoulder.

-Don't touch him, Tony.
Blair had whispered but Gibbs had heard him and winced in pain. Tony didn't know how to reach Gibbs if he couldn't touch him or talk to him. The older man was unable to open his eyes and Tony doubted he had even realized there was someone in the room.

-What can I do, Blair?
-Just kneel next to him. He's going to sense your presence. Let him find you.
-How would he be able to that when he doesn't know what he is searching for?
-His instinct, Tony. Sentinels have an unusual instinct especially when their Guide is concerned. Open up to him, Tony. Let him see you…his Guide.

Tony was not sure he had understood what Blair had said but he had to try. He could stand seeing Gibbs like that… He could feel his pain and his fear. Gibbs was lost in a world unknown to him and he was alone there. Tony walked to the place where Gibbs had landed and sat next to him.

The younger man closed his eyes and tried to remember what Blair had taught him years ago. Blair had always been a specialist of meditation and he had tried to teach Tony how to do it. At first Tony had laughed at him but little by little he had learnt to find this refuge deep inside himself and it had helped him so many times…

-That's it Tony, breathe slowly and concentrate on Gibbs. He is somewhere out there…You have to reach him…
Blair's voice was only a whisper. Tony knew his friend would be here to help them but he had to find Gibbs himself. He had to bring him back. He let his mind find the way for him, his only thought was Gibbs.

At first everything was dark around him. He didn't know where he was but he could feel there was someone else with him. He could hear someone breathe next to him. He had to reach him but he could not see anything.
He suddenly opened his eyes. Blair was still next to him.
-What happened Tony?
-I don't know. He was here. I could hear him breathe but it was dark… I …
-Try to calm down, Tony. He had felt your presence.
-What?
-Look at him, Tony.

Gibbs' face was now visibly less tensed but the older man had still not moved from his retreat.
-You have to try once more, Tony. It will be easier now he knows you are here.
Tony closed his eyes again and let his mind show him the way to his Sentinel. It was still dark around him but he was determined to stay as long as he would need to. Once again he heard someone breathe near him. He walked in the direction of the sound slowly.

He knew he had found Gibbs when a bright light blinded him. For a moment he thought he was dreaming. It was not Gibbs who was in front of him. Tony blinked several times trying to erase the bright spots dancing in front on his eyes.
Ok… He was now face to face with an eagle. The bird of prey was looking at him. Tony was stunned to see such a beautiful bird. His long brown feathers, his claws, his beak…everything in this bird was showing his wonderful strength. But the reason why Tony couldn't look away from this bird was his eyes… the eagle had blue piercing eyes.

In a weird way, Tony knew this bird was Gibbs. Blair had told him once that Sentinels had an animal's spirit. A symbol of their abilities and the way they were using them. Tony wondered how Gibbs was seeing him right now but he forgot about this detail. He had to help him. He had not realized at first but he was now able to see that the bird had not moved when he had walked to him. He had recognized him.

Tony kneeled next to the bird. He couldn't talk but he had to make him understand he was here to help him. Gibbs had always found some comfort touching him. That was the way he would bring him back. He placed his forehead on the bird's head. The eagle tried to flee at first but as soon as Tony touched him he didn't move.

Darkness once again… Tony was feeling exhausted and it was hard to open his eyes.
-Tony, open your eyes. Please, Tony!
He knew this voice… Blair. He gathered his strength and opened his eyes. He was still in Gibbs' living room, sat on the floor.
-What happened?
-You brought him back, Tony.
Tony looked down at Gibbs. He didn't know how he had done that but the older man was now in his arms, breathing slowly, visibly asleep.
-I found him, Blair. It was amazing… I …
-I know, Tony.

Blair smiled softly at his friend. He remembered perfectly the first time Jim and him had met in one of those spiritual dreams. He had thousands of questions to ask Tony but the most important thing to do for now was to be sure Gibbs was safe.
Blair was still looking at the two men. It was obvious there was a strong link between them even if Gibbs didn't know anything about him being a Sentinel he had trusted Tony enough to let him help. And Blair knew it must have been hard for a man like him to admit he needed help.

-Tony, you should carry him to his bed and stay with him. I'm sure he is going to wake up soon. I'm going to make some tea.
-Gibbs would prefer a coffee, Blair.
-He's going to need this tea. It will help him relax. He may be a little agitated when he woke up, Tony. And you should prepare yourself for the hard discussion you two are going to have…
-I know Blair.
-Don't worry, I'll be here. And if he needs more explanation I think it would probably a good idea to call Jim or go to Cascade…
-One step at a time, Blair. Let me talk with him first.
-Of course, Tony. You are his Guide and you have a lot to learn for each other.

Blair stood up and walked to kitchen letting Tony and Gibbs on the floor of the living room.
-What are we going to do, Jethro? I don't know what I have to do now… It's you the boss not me…
Tony sighed heavily. He was now feeling the weight of his responsibility toward Gibbs as a friend and now as a Guide. He was not sure he was ready to assume these responsibilities especially with Gibbs. It would be hard to make him accept who he was and the role Tony would need to play in his life.
He carried the older man to his bed and sat on a chair next to the bed waiting for is Sentinel to make up. He had not cut the contact and his hand had naturally found his way to Gibbs' hand.

Gibbs opened his eyes only minutes after Tony had carried him to his bedroom. The older man didn't know where he was and he couldn't remember how he had ended there. The only things he was conscious of was that he was tired, really tired and that someone was holding his hand. He tried to clear his mind and remember what had happened in the last hours.

But the only feeling that was still vivid in his memory was an intense pain. His breath became harder at that thought and he decided to forget about it for now. He had closed his eyes again when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
-Breath slowly, Boss.
Tony…? What was he doing in his bedroom in the middle of the night? The pain again and suddenly he remembered… He had called Tony and then …nothing.
-Tony…
-Right here, Boss.

The older man opened his eyes and looked at Tony who was giving him a concerned look.
-What happened?
-We are going to talk about it, Boss. I promise. But take your time. What do you remember?
-Pain… I called you…and a bird.
Tony smiled at him. He had not dreamt after all if Gibbs had seen a bird too.
-That's a good start. What happened before you called me?
Gibbs sat on his bed realizing for the first time he was naked. Ok, he was naked in his bedroom in the middle of the night, Tony was here and the only thing he could remember was a big bird…
-I think I need a therapy, Tony. Can you explain me how I ended naked on my bed…?
-I carried you here…
-Can you give me a moment to think? I'm not sure to know what all this situation means…

Tony was still holding his hand and Gibbs must admit the contact was comforting. He had always felt the need to touch the people he cared about but it had been different with Tony from the beginning. The need had always been stronger with him and each time he touched him he had felt something special…something reassuring, relaxing…
Tony released Gibbs' hand as he saw the older man looking at their intertwined fingers. Tony stood up trying to give the older man some space. He knew that sometimes Sentinels felt the need of solitude.

-Tony, stay. Please.
-I'm not going anywhere, Gibbs. I just thought you needed a little time alone.
Tony realized that Gibbs' breath had once more become more labored. He walked to the bed and sat next to Gibbs.
-What's wrong, Boss?
-I don't know, Tony. It's like everything was suddenly too bright, too noisy…
-That's what happened before your call?
-I think …
-What are you feeling exactly now?
-I don't know how to describe it, Tony. And I don't see how you could do something about it.
-You have to trust me on this. I promise I'm going to explain but I can help you. Do you trust me?

Tony had asked this question looking Gibbs straight in the eyes, a hand on his arm. The younger man could feel the tension in Gibbs' body, he could almost hear his heart beat and he knew Gibbs was feeling the same…It was as if they were talking without words. Something had changed between them.
-I trust you, Tony.
-Good. So what are you feeling?
-It's like I had lost the control of my senses. I can see, hear or smell things that are not here. If I concentrate I'm sure I would be able to hear what the man who is in the kitchen is singing…
-Don't try, Boss. It would be too dangerous.
-Just one question…Who is in my kitchen?
-Blair Sanburg. A friend of mine. He came here to help you and me at the same time.

Tony knew Gibbs had more questions to ask but he had first to take back the control of his senses.
-You told me about hearing, smell and sight. What about the other senses?
-Tony I ended on the floor of my living room naked because I couldn't stand my clothes…and I haven't drunk coffee for at least a week…
-I see. Are they still out of control?
-Not when you are here, not when you touch me…
Gibbs seemed to be a little ashamed to admit that to his friend but he knew he had to be honest with Tony. He had told he trusted him and it was the truth.

-We are going to try something…I'm going to go out of the room…
-Tony…, I don't know…
-Let me finish. I want you to try something.
-Ok, tell me.
-You are going to breathe slowly. If your senses or one of them begins to act weird I want you to try to visualize a knob, like the one you have on a CD player… One knob for each sense…
-Mental visualization… I can do that.
-Good. You only have to turn it down if it goes too high.
-It seems simple. I think I can try that but then you are going to explain me how you learnt that…
-Of course, Boss. Are you ready?

Gibbs nodded and Tony let him go and exited the room. He was as tensed as Gibbs but he knew they had to try. He gave the older man 2 minutes but he couldn't stay out more than that. He was too worried knowing what could happen if Gibbs was unable to keep the control.
He opened the door and found Gibbs eyes closed still sat on the bed. He could read the tension on his face.

-Boss?
Tony began to worry when he received no reply from Gibbs. He walked to the bed. He didn't want to touch him but the need to be close and help him was strong. He had never felt something like that before.
-Tell me what you see.
-Five knobs.
-Good. What numbers are written on them?
-7…
-It's too high, Boss. Dial them down to 5 first.
Tony could see the efforts Gibbs was doing and how hard it was for him. Finally he opened his and smiled to Tony.
-Good job, Boss. You think you would be able to put some clothes on?
-Oh, yes sure. I'm ok now.
-Blair has made some tea. He said it would help you.
-Tea?
Tony knew it would be hard to make Gibbs drink tea.
-Tea then talk.
-Deal. You should go downstairs and tell your friend everything is fine. I'll be here in a minute.

Tony exited the room and walked to the kitchen. He found Blair sat at the table reading a magazine he had found there.
-Is Gibbs ok?
-Much better. But I think he is going to ask at least thousand questions.
-I can understand. And there would probably many questions we won't be able to answer. There are many things you are going to learn from each other. The relationship you are going to build would be yours and would have nothing to do with the one I have with Jim.
-I don't understand, Blair.
-The relationship between a Sentinel and his Guide is made of trust and respect. It's something you find in every case I studied. But each "couple" must build the link. You and Gibbs are already close. I could see that when you brought him back but it's not enough…You are going to learn to read the signs, to know when he needs you…
-I'm not sure he would accept my help, Blair.
-I don't think he will have a choice, Tony. You must have noticed that something had changed between you already…You created something today …something that can't be destroyed without destroying the two of you…

Both men had not seen Gibbs who was standing at the door. He didn't know what they were talking about but he had the disturbing impression he was the subject of their conversation.
And he didn't like that. The older man walked to the table and sat in front of Blair and Tony.
-You must be Blair…?
The younger man nodded unable to say a word. He felt like Gibbs was trying to read his mind. He had felt that sometimes with Jim but today it was different. He could almost see the Sentinel in Gibbs. It was amazing to sense so much strength. He realized that Gibbs had learnt alone to use some of his abilities. The man in front of him was checking his heart beat like Jim did when he wanted to know what someone was feeling.

Tony placed a hand on Gibbs' arm. The older man turned to him then back to Blair.
-Sorry, Blair. I didn't mean to be rude.
-Can I ask you a question, Agent Gibbs?
-Only if you call me Gibbs or Jethro.
-Ok, Jethro. What were you doing right now?
-You would not believe me if I told you.
-You were listening to my heart?
Gibbs sent him a puzzled look. That man knew he was able to do something like listening to someone's heart beat and he didn't even seem surprised. Those two were definitely hiding something from him.
-How do you know that?
-Jim does that often…

Gibbs looked at the two men and gave them his favorite stare… the one which means "talk now or I'm going to get very angry". Tony knew that look.
-I promised you an explanation and I'm going to give it to you. But first, promise me you're going to listen without interrupting.
-Tony, I don't understand what this is all about and I need to know…
-Promise first…
-Ok, I promise, Tony.
Tony took a deep breath before talking.
-A long time ago, Sir Richard Burton… not the actor an anthropologist… discovered a Peruvian tribe in which some members were known for their special abilities. They were called the Sentinels and they had to protect the tribe from every threat.

Blair could see that Gibbs was only keeping silence because he had promised. He decided to intervene and help Tony.
-Those men had to spend a lot of time alone in the jungle and with time and generations passing the Sentinels had developed their senses far beyond human capacities. Most of the time they were able to see and hear much better than anyone else.
Gibbs was beginning to understand what it had to do with him but he couldn't see what he had in common with a Peruvian tribe discovered decades ago by an unknown scientist. Tony continued the explanation.

-Blair and I studied Burton's theory at the University. The anthropologist thought that the Sentinel's abilities were genetics and because of that transmission it would be possible to find Sentinels not only in such protected environment.
Gibbs was about to speak but Tony raised a finger meaning he was not done yet.
-And he was right. Sentinels exist. More than that we've found Sentinels whose five senses are hyper developed. Burton had only talked about one or two senses but we've found at least three "Hyper-Sentinels"…

Gibbs stood up. Three Sentinels… He had known for a long time that the fact he could see or hear things that no one else could see or hear was not something normal but what Tony and Blair were talking about was almost unbelievable.
-You are one of them, Boss. The second one is Jim, Blair's partner. And the third…
Tony looked at Blair saying that.
-…better forget about her.
Gibbs was now walking around the kitchen trying to find a way to wake up from this dream…Because that's what it must be a dream… like the one he had had with the bird.

Blair knew they had still to convince him.
-Let me tell you what I think you are feeling. Your hearing is probably your best sense, the one you are using the most. But you can't control them and I guess you also have nasty migraines…
-Not so much lately…
Blair smiled. He knew exactly why Gibbs had no more migraines and he would probably be able to tell him when they had finished.
-Jim had bad headaches. I guess yours stopped the day you met Tony.

Gibbs took a moment to think about what Blair had said. He was about to answer that he didn't remember but he had noticed that Tony's presence at his side had somehow calmed him down. He had thought of it as a consequence at first but he was not sure anymore.
-I guessed right? And I can tell that many other things had changed when Tony arrived. You feel the need to touch him and you are feeling better when he is next to you.
-I must admit you're right. I need to touch him… at first it was slap at the back of his head every time he was saying something stupid… and believe me it happens often.

Tony stood up and walked to him, facing the older man.
-That's because I'm your Guide, Gibbs. A Sentinel needs a Guide to help him dealing with his senses and use them.
-My Guide…?
-I know it must sound weird but I know more about Sentinels than you, Boss. And I can help you control your senses.
-Ok, Tony. Can I ask for some time alone to think about it?
-Of course, Boss. But don't wait until the next crisis. It's going to happen again.
-Tony you can't ask me to accept that so easily. I've dealt with my senses for years alone and now you are telling me you are here to guide me. What if I didn't want your help?

Tony didn't know what to answer to that question. He had thought Gibbs could react this way but he had wished he could have convinced him after what had happened tonight.
-Jethro, Tony needs you as much as you need him and I'm sure you are going to realize it sooner or later. I just hope it won't be too late for the two of you.
Blair had wanted to scare Gibbs and he knew the only way to really scare a Sentinel was to make him think his Guide could be in danger. Gibbs was not different. The older man looked at him and Blair could see fear in those blue eyes.

-What are you trying to say?
-There is something you must be aware of. A Sentinel and his Guide are linked in a way you can't imagine. You've already seen and felt a part of it but you are not able to control your senses and it's going to take time. I've lived with Jim for four years and we haven't understood everything about his capacities yet. But there is one thing I'm sure about; you are not going to do it without Tony.
-I've already understood this part but you talked about Tony needing me. What would happen to him?
-I don't know, Jethro. But I remember the day Jim threw me out of the loft. I can't explain what I felt but I don't want to feel that pain… never again.
-If I understood everything you are Jim's Guide. And you are saying that the link is so strong that a Guide and a Sentinel can't live without each other.
-That's exactly what I'm saying, Jethro…When Jim is hurt I can feel his pain, when I'm hurt it's the same for him. But I'm sure you already know that…

Tony was surprised by Blair statement. How Gibbs could be aware of something he had not even suspected only an hour ago.
-I'm sure you felt that on the roof when your co-worker had been shot…You realized you could have survived if it had been Tony…And I think that's what caused the crisis that followed.
Gibbs didn't reply and Tony realized the older man didn't need to answer. He could read the truth on his face when Gibbs looked at him. They stayed like that for what seemed long minutes. Neither Tony nor Gibbs could look away.

Gibbs concentrated his hearing on Tony's heartbeat…He could have spent the rest of his life listening to the sound of his Guide's heart. He realized at that moment that his life was about to change but he was not afraid or anxious… The only he had to do was to follow his Guide…He was not alone in the dark anymore.

Chapter 3.
The dream.


Tony had sent Gibbs back to bed after their talk and was now alone with Blair in the kitchen. He was relieved that Gibbs had taken the news so well. After all, the older man had lived with hyper developed senses all his life and he had been able to gain a kind of control on them alone. He could have told him he didn't need him.

But Tony was also aware that there was more than need between them. He had felt the link and even if he didn't really know what this link was made of he knew they wouldn't be able to live apart now. Tony was interrupted by Blair's comments. His friend had stayed with them and Tony was glad he was here. They would need his expertise.

-Tony, you're still with me?
-Sorry, Blair.
-There's no need to be sorry, Tony. I think things would go well now. Gibbs seems to have understood your role and his…
Tony smiled at his friend. He had never doubted Gibbs would understand.
-He is a smart man and I'm sure he had realized that there was something special with his senses.
-Yes, and I'm sure he had also realized there was something special between the two of you. Believe me; it was not so easy with Jim at the beginning. The only thing he wanted to do was pushing me away.
-It's not won yet, Blair. It will take time for him to accept me being his Guide. Gibbs is not the kind of man who could accept orders or advices from someone else…especially me.
Blair stayed silent thinking about Tony had just said. He knew his friend was right. He had only seen Gibbs for some minutes but he had felt that it would be difficult for them to build a stable relationship.

Gibbs had never felt so tired and he had fallen asleep as soon as his head had touched the pillow. But he had not found peace in his dreams. He was running after something or probably someone, there was sand everywhere around him, it was hard to breathe but he had to keep running. He had to find him; to be sure he was safe. But he could feel deep inside there was something wrong. He was about to loose him, he knew he would be too late this time.

He didn't want to listen to this voice in his head. But he kept hearing those words. It was his fault, he had to protect him and he had failed. He could already feel the loss, the pain. He kept running, falling…He knew it was a dream but it was so real. He could feel the warmth of the sun on his skin, the sand under his hands.

He fell for the hundredth time but he had not enough strength to stand up.
-You should have been here for him. You had to protect him…
This voice again but this time it was so close. He looked up and met his own eyes looking down at him. He was facing himself, an image of himself.
-I tried but …
-He is your Guide, he is your responsibility and you were unable to help him when he needed you. Look what you've done!

The other him pointed his finger to his right and Gibbs looked in that direction. He didn't see anything at first because of the sun. He gathered his strength and stood up walking slowly in the direction of the dark form he could now see…He walked closer even if he could feel the fear growing inside him. He knew what he was about to see but he was surprised to discover a fox lying on the sand…

The animal was breathing hard and Gibbs could see blood coming from a wound on his flank. Gibbs turned to the man who had followed him.
-What does it mean?
-Just keep looking Inti.
-I don't understand…
The man pointed his finger to the now still form on the sand. Gibbs couldn't believe his eyes. The fox became to transform in a human form…God, Gibbs wanted to run away but he couldn't turn his eyes away from the man who was lying dead in front of him. It was not possible, he couldn't be dead. But the pain was real.

-Look what you've done, Inti. You had to protect him, it was your responsibility.
-What happened?
-You know what happened, Inti…
Gibbs wanted to ask more question, to tell that man he had no clue what he was talking about. But he had to go away from here; he had to wake from this dream.
He had to find Tony, to find his Guide and be sure he was safe.

When he opened his eyes, it took him a long moment to realize he was back in his bedroom. He tried to calm down and breathe slowly. When he regained some control on the emotions caused by the dream he concentrated on his hearings.
He could hear noises coming from the kitchen but they were not the sounds he wanted to listen to. Then he found what he was searching for and the relief almost overwhelmed him.
A tear fell down his cheek when he heard Tony's heart beat. He stayed long minutes here, listening to the soft sound of his Guide's heart.

It had just been a dream. Tony was safe, downstairs… but he could still hear the voice in his head. How long could he protect Tony? The voice had said he had failed him. He couldn't afford loosing him and not only because he was his Guide. He had had strong feelings for him from the beginning.
He had to protect him and he was feeling that the only way to do it was to go away from him. He had felt on that roof when Kate had been shot that he wouldn't be able to face Tony's death. He was also aware that staying with him would put him in danger especially now.

He had believed Tony and Blair when they had told him about the Sentinels. He had always felt there was something more behind his abilities. Blair seemed to know what he was talking about. There were many he didn't know about the relationship between a Sentinel and his Guide but he could feel that the first mission of a Sentinel was to protect. He knew he had to protect Tony and he would do anything to avoid seeing him hurt or worse.

Gibbs shivered at the thought of what he had seen in this dream. Was it an illusion or a vision of what would happen? He didn't know but he could let it happen. He stood up and walked down to the kitchen where he found Tony and Blair.
-Have you slept well, Boss?
-Sure, Tony. What time is it?
-Almost 7 a.m. Coffee?
-Thanks.
Gibbs took a sip and looked up at Tony who was smiling at him. He loved that smile and the way it made Tony's eyes shine. It was not the first time he had those kinds of thoughts while observing the younger man but it was different for him. For the first time it felt right to think of Tony this way. It was almost natural and easy. He wanted to touch him, just to feel he was alive.

Tony seemed to know exactly what Gibbs was thinking about and he walked to him, taking the steaming mug from his hands and putting it on the table. Gibbs didn't understand what the younger man was about to do but Tony took his hand and placed it against his chest.
The older man could feel it now, under his palm. The warmth and the strength of life…

Gibbs closed his eyes and felt Tony's hand on his cheek. He had not been able to hold back the tears. Tony didn't say anything and just stayed here in front of Gibbs letting him being comforted by the sound of his heart. When Gibbs opened his eyes Tony was looking at him a reassuring smile on his face.

-It must have been a bad dream?
-How do you know?
-Blair told me it would probably happen. It the way your animal spirit is talking to you. These dreams show you the things you need to know…
-Some kind of warning…
-Sometimes…That was what this one was about?
-I'm not sure I want to talk about it.
-I'm here to help you, Boss. And I can help you know what it really meant. Those dreams can be confusing sometimes.

Gibbs frowned and took his mug, trying to erase the image of Tony lying on the sand…dead.
-Believe me this one was pretty clear.
Tony knew there was no need to insist. Gibbs had decided to keep it for himself for now but he was determined to make him talk later. Blair had watched the exchange between the two men had stayed silent. Gibbs and Jim had definitely much in common.
-Ok, Boss. But I think you should talk about it. The meaning of it might be not so obvious.
-I don't want to talk about it, Tony.
The discussion was finished and Tony knew it would be worse to go on on that subject.
-May I ask a question, Jethro?
Gibbs nodded to the young man.
-In that dream, were there other people or animals?

Gibbs took a deep breath before answering and Blair realized it must have a bad dream for the older man. He seemed to be still shaken by what he had seen.
-There was another me, and a fox…
-Ok. Jim had those kinds of dreams. The other you is a materialization of your conscience and the fox must be…
-Me…?
-Yes, Tony. It must be you…Most of the time a Sentinel and his Guide appear in each other's dreams as animals…
-When I brought you back, Boss you appeared to me as an eagle at first.
-An eagle…?
Tony looked at Gibbs.
-I think it suits you…strong, piercing eyes and elegant at the same time…
Gibbs was still frowning.
-It was a really beautiful eagle…
Tony laughed at the look Gibbs gave him. No one had ever talked about him like that even if Tony was only talking about an image of himself.

Blair was also smiling, happy that the two men were able to talk. But he could also see something in Gibbs' eyes that was disturbing him. He had seen it too often in Jim's eyes. He could see that the Sentinel in him had taken the control. Blair could see that Gibbs had accepted his abilities and the responsibilities that went with it. But what disturbed him was the way Gibbs was looking at Tony. Jim had had the same look on his face the day he had thrown him out of the loft. The same determination, sadness and loss he could now read in Gibbs' eyes. He could only hope Gibbs was not about to do the same mistake.


The day at work had been slow and boring to Tony's opinion but it was already dark when Gibbs looked up from the file he was reading. He didn't know what Tony had planned for the night but he was sure that he and Blair had a lot to talk about. The younger man was still at his desk as if he was waiting for Gibbs to go.

Gibbs had had time to think about what he had to do and he had made his decision. Today would be his last as Special Agent Gibbs. He didn't know what he would do or where he would go but he had to avoid putting Tony in danger. He didn't know how he knew that but he was sure that if he stayed here Tony would die and he couldn't let it happen. So he would do the only thing he could and put as much distance between them as he could.

He knew it would probably kill him to cut the link with his Guide but he could only think about Tony. Every time he closed his eyes he could see him lying on the sand dead, he could still feel the pain. He looked up at the younger man in front of him. He had realized some time ago, his feelings for him had changed into something more than friendship. It would break his heart to go away from him but it would always be better than cause his death.

-I think I will head back home if you don't need me here, Boss.
-Sure, Tony.
Gibbs knew it was probably the last time he would see the younger man, his Guide…a part of his soul. Tony hesitated before standing up as if he was feeling something was wrong.
-You're sure everything is fine, Boss?
-Go home, DiNozzo.
Tony smiled reassured by Gibbs' tone. The older man had always known how to end a discussion. He stood up taking his bag and keys. He turned to Gibbs one last time before walking to the elevator.
-Don't stay here too long, Boss. You need to rest after what happened yesterday.
-I'm leaving soon, Tony.
-Good. See you tomorrow.

Gibbs didn't reply and looked back down to the file in front of him but he didn't see the words written on the sheets. He let a deep breath out when he heard the elevator's door close.
He waited for ten more minutes before walking to his car and driving home. He only took some clothes and put them in a bag. He took his keys and walked to his door. After a last look around he exited his house. He didn't know where he would go when he sat in his car but he turned on the ignition and drove to the North.


Tony and Blair had spent the evening searching for information that could be useful to help Gibbs. They had not found anything and they were now talking lightly sat on the couch. Tony's cell rang.
-DiNozzo.
-Anthony, it's Ducky.
-What's wrong, Ducky?
-Do you know where Jethro is? I tried to call his cell and to his house and he didn't answer. I thought he could be with you.
Tony felt his blood freeze in his veins. He realized for the first time that he already knew something was wrong. He had not been able to tell what this strange feeling meant before now. But he should have known when he had left him tonight.
-Anthony…?
-When I left him he was still reading a report at his desk but he told me he would go home soon. But it was two hours ago.
-I'm sure he is fine. I just had something to ask him but it can wait until tomorrow.

Ducky had felt the worry in Tony's voice and he had tried to reassure him.
-Yes, Ducky. I'm sure he is fine.
-I will see you tomorrow, Anthony.
-Sure, ducky.
Tony hung up and he realized Blair was at his side.
-Something happened to Gibbs?
-I don't know. It was our ME. He tried to call him but Gibbs didn't answer his cell. It's not like him not to answer when Ducky calls him.
-He could have been in the shower or too busy to answer…

Blair could see that Tony didn't believe it could be that.
-Ok, Tony. What's wrong?
-I don't know. I have this feeling since I left him. At first I thought it was like always when I leave him. You know I hate being away from him. But it was something else. I should have stayed with him… I should have known …It must have something to do with the dream he had last night…
Tony was now pacing around the room trying to clear his mind. But he was caught in an emotional turmoil he couldn't control.
-I'm sure he left… He is gone…I can feel it now…
-Tony you must calm down. We are going to check his house.
-He is not here, Blair.
-How do you know?
-He is trying to cut the link, Blair…He is gone.

Blair knew Tony was right. He had felt it when Jim had asked him to leave. He knew what Tony was feeling right now and he could only stay here with him.
Nothing he could have said could have made Tony feel better. His friend had lost his Sentinel and for a Guide it was like loosing a part of yourself. Blair could help blaming Gibbs for what he was doing to his friend but he was aware that it must have been a hard decision to make for him too.

Blair knew they had to find Gibbs soon because the older man wouldn't be able to deal with his senses alone for long. Gibbs had made a suicidal decision going away from Tony.
Tony had sat on his couch his head in his hands. He was unable to think so Blair took the control of the situation and called Jim. He would know what to do and perhaps find Gibbs before the older man lost the control completely. Blair knew he had to find Gibbs or he would loose both of them.

Chapter 4.
True love…?


Blair had called Jim and he had told him he would do his best to convince his captain to let him take days off. But Blair knew Simon would never say no to his best investigator. Jim had so many days off to take that he could stay a whole month without working. The other reason that made Blair think Jim would be here soon was what he had heard in his voice. His Sentinel was missing him as much as himself missed him. It had always been hard to be far from him and he could well imagine what Tony was feeling right now.

His friend had fallen asleep but Blair knew he would not find any rest in sleep. Tony had thought it would be a good way to be closer to Gibbs. Blair had agreed. He had himself many times experienced it; he had been able to almost see Jim in his dreams. And for now it was the only thing they could do to find where Gibbs had gone.

Blair knew that it would be almost impossible to find him if he didn't want to be found. With his Sentinel's abilities and his training as a Marine he would find a way to hide for everyone. The only one who could still reach him was his Guide. Even if they had not had the time to build that link, Blair had seen that they were already really close and he could only hope it would be enough.

He didn't want to imagine what could happen if they didn't bring Gibbs back to Tony. He had never seen his friend cried before tonight but Tony seemed to be lost without Gibbs. The bound between a Sentinel and his Guide was strong and neither of them could break it without almost killing himself but Blair had recognized something else in Tony's eyes when he was looking at Gibbs.

Love was not so usual between Sentinels and Guide. Some "couples" became real ones but the relationship they had to build didn't not automatically include intimacy. But Blair had definitely seen something in Tony's eyes. He didn't know Gibbs well enough to tell and Sentinels were most of the time good at hiding their feelings. It was obvious for him that there had to be more between them than friendship and respect.

Tony was sleeping on the couch and Blair could see his eyes move being his eyelids. A dream…maybe it would be the one that would lead them to Gibbs and allow them to save him before it's too late. Tony was murmuring in his sleep and even if Blair couldn't understand what he was saying he knew he was talking to Gibbs.

Suddenly, Tony sat on the couch.
-Inti…!
Blair walked to him and sat on the couch, placing a hand on his shoulder. Obviously the dream had not been a good one. Sweat was running down Tony's temples and Blair could still read fear in his eyes.
-What have you seen, Tony?
-He needs me, Blair. He is alone… I can feel it…
-I know but if you want to find him you have to tell me exactly what you've seen in your dream. You think you can do that?
-I can try but it was not so clear, Blair. It was more feelings, sensations than images or sounds.
-Anything you can say could help us. I think Jethro is aware that he needs you even if he is trying to ignore it. And the only way he can talk with you is in your dreams.

Tony looked at his friend. He knew that Blair was hiding something from him. Blair knew why Gibbs had gone and he didn't want to tell him.
-Blair, you know why he's gone.
-You must concentrate on your dream, Tony.
-Not before you told me what you are trying to hide.
Blair sighed but he knew it was useless to try to convince Tony he was not telling him the whole truth because he thought it as better for him.

-I think Jethro is gone because he had to protect you.
-Why? He never felt that need before…
-You are sure of that, Tony?
Tony was about to reply but the most he thought of it, the less convinced he was about it. He had never thought Gibbs was acting differently with him but to be honest the older man was always behind him, looking at him. He had never paid really attention to that because it had felt so natural for him to have Gibbs close.

-It's a part of his mission as a Sentinel. His Guide is his only link to the world in case of a zone out and a part of himself, of his identity. If he had felt you in danger, he would have done anything to save you…
-With no consideration for his own life…?
-I think it had something to do with the dream he had. He had been unable to interpret it and he reacted the only way he could to it.
-Risking his own life to save me from what …?
-You don't understand Tony. It is not a rational thought. He is acting on emotions, feelings. He has to protect you no matter what… and that's what he thinks he is doing by going away from you.

Tony had another question to ask but he was not sure Blair would be able to answer considering the relationship he had with Jim. But he couldn't help wondering if it was only the reaction of the Sentinel trying to protect his Guide or more Gibbs trying to protect Tony.
Blair looked at his friend. He knew Tony had more questions than he could answer. He also knew Tony's question were not all about Sentinels. He was more and more convinced his friend had strong feelings for his boss.

-Has Jim ever done that?
-No. The day he threw me out of the loft it was because he was feeling threatened by the other Sentinel, Alex. He was trying to protect his territory in a way and he thought I had helped her.
-I see. So Gibbs going away from me is not a sign that…
-That…what… Tony?
-I don't know. I was just thinking that there could be more than a Sentinel thing behind it…Forget about it.
-No, you are probably right Tony. I think that even if his reaction is linked to the Guide-Sentinel bound, he would not have gone away like that if there was not something more…

Blair could see the light he had created in his friend's eyes saying those words. But Tony sobered immediately.
-I mean it, Tony. I've seen him look at you. I've seen the way he trusted you without resistance. Believe me it was not so easy and natural with Jim at the beginning. Most of the time, we were fighting for everything. I think there is something really special between the two of you.
Tony smiled at his friend.
-As if being a Guide and a Sentinel was not already special…
-Let me remind you of some of the researches we made. A Sentinel has to find a Guide but most of the time it's not the one they are destined to. Burton thought each Sentinel had one Guide and only one. In isolated tribes in the middle of the jungle it was easy for them to find their real Guide. But nowadays and here it's almost impossible so Sentinels had to adapt.

Blair let some time for to Tony to think about what he was implying. He knew his friend was filling the blank and he smiled when Tony talked before he could go on.
-So you are saying that few Sentinels find their real Guide and that they have to do with second choice…
-Thanks for the "second choice" comment…
Tony didn't understand at first but he soon realized what Blair was meaning.
-You are not Jim's true Guide…? But the two of you seem so close…?
-We are but it's mostly because we are working at it for years. I told you at first it was not easy for us. We had to learn how to live together, how to work together. The fact that we are in love with each other is helping but, no, I'm not Jim's true Guide.

Tony stood up and began to walk around the room. Blair could almost hear his brain working.
-And you think Gibbs and me…
-Yes, Tony. I think you are a pair…a real one. When we found him in his house last night I feared you would be unable to bring him back. I would not have done that with Jim when he didn't know I was his Guide. It took us time to build what seems to be natural for you and Jethro. And it's a chance…
-How…?
-Because I think the link between you two is strong enough for you to find him even if he didn't want to.
-Don't under estimate him, Blair.
-I'm not, Tony. But even if he is strong, he wouldn't be able to fight the need…He can't ignore who he is and I don't think he would be able to break the link without …

Blair stopped, not sure Tony needed to hear that part now.
-Without what…?
-Without putting his own life into the line.
Tony had stopped his pacing and was looking at Blair. He had felt that. It was what his dream had been about. He had sensed Gibbs had no other choice if he wanted to really get rid of what was between them. And what scared him the most was that he had felt the older man was ready to do it. He would do what he had to do to protect him no matter what it would mean for him.

-Is he strong enough to do that, Tony? Do you think he would go that far if he thinks it's the only solution?
Tony wished he could have said him no. He wished he could have told him Gibbs would never do that, that he would fight and come back to him so that they could find a solution together. But he knew deep inside the older man would never do that. Gibbs had always dealt with his problems alone. Most of all, Tony could feel that he was about to loose him. This sensation was there since he had left him only hours ago.

He couldn't explain how he knew that but the sensation was eating him from the inside.
-I saw him in my dream…in a way. It was as if he was trying to tell me something…but it was not clear.
-Come here and sit down. We are going to try something.
Tony didn't ask what he had to do. He trusted Blair enough to let him guide him.
-Close your eyes and try to relax. Concentrate on the sensation you felt in that dream.
Tony took a deep breath and closed his eyes. It was not difficult to go back into his dream. The sensations were still here.

Sadness, loneliness…but there was something else behind it…He couldn't put a name on it but it was a reassuring feeling…belonging…No, definitely something more. He could almost hear Gibbs' voice now; he could picture his face…
Blair was about to bring Tony back to the reality when he saw tears running down his cheeks but his friend opened his eyes before he could make a move.
-What's wrong, Tony?

Tony didn't answer and Blair was scared that they had been too late. He knew that a Guide could feel when his Sentinel was hurt but he could only imagine what it could be for a Guide to really loose this link.
-Tony, talk to me…You're scaring me.
Tony looked at him and Blair could not identify the emotions that were drawn on his friend's face.
-What have you felt, Tony?
Tony sighed heavily trying to regain the control of his mind.

-I felt… his love, Blair…So much love…

Chapter 5.
Lost.


Blair had let Tony sleep this morning. His friend needed to rest. The last days had been really hard for him. They had searched for Gibbs almost every where, sent his picture to every hospitals and police stations around DC. Tony was now exhausted from the lack of sleep, the lack of food and something else that was due to his Sentinel's disappearance. He missed him so much that it began to have consequences on his health.

Blair could help worrying for his friend but he was also worried for Gibbs. They had no news for almost a week and he knew the Sentinel must now have real difficulties to control his senses. Tony had told him he could still feel him but the link was weakening. They had to find him; Blair thought it was only a matter of days before it would be late to bring Gibbs back.

Jim had taken a plane this morning and Blair could not help smiling at thought he would soon see him after a week apart. They had talked on the phone every day but he needed to be close to him. At first this need had afraid him; he had never felt that for someone before. But he had learnt to accept it as a part of himself. They needed each other and even if he had tried at first; he knew now there was no need to fight it.

He saw him immediately. He could feel his presence in the crowd. Sometimes he wondered he had not stolen some of Jim's abilities. They didn't say a word. They didn't need to talk. Jim just took Blair's hand and Blair understood that those days without him had been hard for Jim too. He looked up in Jim's blue eyes and saw the relief in them. They were together again.

They walked to Tony's car. Blair could not wait any longer and kissed Jim as soon as they entered the car.
-Missed me, Chief?
Blair loved when Jim called him Chief. He had used this nickname from the beginning.
-Even more than you think.
-I think I have an idea…
Jim kissed him again.
-I missed you too. It's been the longest week of my life. I think that even if you had not called me I would have flight there…
-My Sentinel was feeling a little lonely…?
-And a little jealous too.

They've already had the conversation thousands of times. Blair had tried to explain that Tony had always been his friend and only his friend, Jim had been sure from the day he had met him that Tony had been more for him.
Jim saw his lover frowned at his words.
-I know I'm stupid, Blair. But I can't help it. It's something I can't control. I love you and I'm scared to loose you…
-There's no need to be scared, Jim. It would kill me if you left me. I will never do anything that could put our relationship at risk.
-I know that deep inside, Chief. But sometimes I let my fears take the control.
-So you still need me as a Guide…Cool.
-Don't ever doubt that, Chief.

The next kiss was more passionate and they both knew where it would lead them if they didn't take back the control of the situation. Blair was the first to break the contact.
-Jim, Tony needs our help. We'll have plenty of time when we've found Gibbs.
-I knew you were the smart one in our couple…
-True, Big Guy…
-Ok, so tell me what happened…if you can talk and drive at the same time…?
-You doubt that… You know I can talk even in my sleep.
-Oh yes! I know that…

Blair told him about the events of the last days while they were driving to Tony's apartment.
-So you think he's gone because he thought he was putting Tony's life at risk if he stayed with him?
-Yes I think it's part of why he's gone…
-The other part being…?
-It's hard to explain but Tony and Jethro are really close…I mean they are a true "couple".
-I'm not sure to understand.
-You know I'm not your true Guide, Jim. We've talked about it.
-Tony is Gibbs' true Guide…And?
-The link between them is stronger and more natural than what we had at first. But there is more than that…I think that they both have feelings for each other and it's probably why Gibbs' fear to loose Tony had become unbearable for him.
-So he decided to leave…isn't it a bit stupid…?

Blair smiled at him. He loved Jim but he was amazed by his ability to forget about his reactions in front of his own fears.
-I don't know if it's stupid Jim but you know better than me that feelings can be scaring at times even for strong guys…
-Message received; Chief…He's gone for almost a week now. Have you checked the hospitals?
-Yes, we sent his picture to the hospitals in and around DC. No news…
-He may have gone further…I mean if he was trying to break the link between him and Tony and may have thought that distance would help…At least that's what I would have done…

Blair remained silent thinking about what Jim had just said. They had not thought about it. They had checked places where Gibbs could have gone, places he knew but they had not thought he could have chosen to put more distance between his Guide and himself.
Blair parked his car in front of Tony's apartment.

-How is Tony?
-Not fine. He is trying to find him any way he can but he is getting weaker every day. It's really hard for him and I don't know how long he would be able to go on like that.
Jim sighed heavily and Blair knew he was thinking of the way he had himself reacted when Alex had put their lives upside down and what he had done to his Guide. Blair put a hand on his arm.
-It was not the same, Jim. You could not have controlled what you felt when Alex entered our lives.
-I hurt you, Blair and I could have lost you…I don't know if I would be able to forgive myself for that…
-I forgave you a long time ago, Jim.
Jim looked back at his Guide reading the truth in his eyes. He took him in his arms and held him tight for a moment.
-I love you, Blair.
-I love you too, Jim.

When they entered the apartment they found Tony sat on the couch, eyes closed. But the younger man was not sleeping. His eyelids were moving as if he was dreaming. Blair walked to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.
-Tony…Come back…Please open your eyes.
For the last days, Tony has spent almost all his time trying to establish some kind of contact with Gibbs. But it was harder and harder for him to come back from those dreams. Blair was afraid they would loose him too one day.

Jim joined them on the couch and tried to talk to Tony who was still far away from them.
-Tony, it's Jim. Listen to me, please. We need you here…You're not going to help Gibbs if you loose yourself too.
Tony slowly opened his eyes looking at his friends.
-Jim…?
-I told you I would be here the day you need me.
-I'm sorry…I was trying to…
-I know what you were trying to do, Tony.
-I can feel him but he is going farther each day…I'm loosing him, Jim.

Jim could hear the pain in Tony's voice. He would have wanted to tell him they would find Gibbs soon but he knew Tony would not have believed him. He took the man in front of him in his arms letting him cry on his shoulder. Tony was exhausted and lost. Jim realized that if they didn't find Gibbs soon, Tony would be unable to live for long.
-I'm here to help you, Tony. We'll do anything we can to find him.
-Thanks, Jim. I'm sorry…I'm acting like a child…But I miss him so much it hurts.
-I know, Tony…Believe me I know…And I can tell you he misses you too.

Tony seemed to be reassured by Jim's words.
-I'm sure Blair told you about what happened.
-Yes he did. And I think there's something we could try…Blair said that you sent Gibbs' picture to hospitals…
-We did but none of them called us.
-Because he is not there…
-What do you mean?
-I think that you were right when you said Gibbs was trying to cut the link between you two. The first thing I would have done if I had been in his case would have been to put as much distance as I could between me and you…
-We checked the airports and he didn't take a plane…
-He could have driven miles away before…

Tony heard the hesitation in Jim's voice and he could not help shivering at what the man in front of him was not saying out loud.
-Before what…?
-Before he looses the control of senses for good…I'm sorry Tony.
-You think it's too late…Please Jim tell me it's not too late…I can still feel him…He is here somewhere.

Tony had stood up, he could not stay still. Jim followed him and tried to calm him down.
-I need him, Jim. I would not be able to go on if I loose him.
Tears were back in Tony's eyes and he seemed to have difficulties to breath.
-I can't live without him.
Jim took him in his arms again but the younger man was fighting him, trying to get rid of him.
-Tony, listen to me. Please you have to calm down.

The words could not reach Tony's mind. He was lost in despair and the pain he was now feeling was almost unbearable. He had tried to hold onto the hope for the last days but he could not hope anymore. He had lost Gibbs…He had lost his Sentinel…his love…He knew Jim was trying to help him but he didn't need help. The only thing he wanted now was to sleep forever and never feel that pain again. He tried to fight but the darkness overwhelmed him and he ended on the floor, Jim arms still holding him.

-Blair, call a doctor!
Blair had already dialed Ducky's number. He had met the ME many times in the last days and he knew they could trust him. He also knew that the older man would be the only one who could help Tony.
Jim carried Tony to his bed and stayed at his side checking his heart beat. His friend had lost consciousness because of exhaustion and because he had realized that he could have already lost the only person that really mattered to him.

Jim knew what it was like to feel helpless but today he wished his senses could help him finding Gibbs. He would have anything to help Tony but there was nothing he could do…nothing more than the usual researches.

Ducky entered the bedroom only five minutes later and walked directly to Tony's side.
-What happened?
-He is exhausted and I think his body decided he had enough.
-Who are you?
Jim smiled at the direct question. He liked the men who don't waste time when there's no need to.
-I'm James Ellison, Blair's partner.
-Nice to meet you, James.
-Please call me Jim.
-Your name is James, isn't it?
-Yes but only my father calls me James and I don't really like it.
-I see…So you came here to help Anthony finding Jethro.
-Yes…Is he ok?
-He will be. As you said he is exhausted and even if I don't know what this situation really means I think that being apart from Jethro doesn't help him.

Jim didn't reply and looked at the man in front of him. The ME was still looking at Tony and Jim could see the concern in his eyes. The older man sensed Jim's eyes on him and turned to face him.
-You have to find Jethro soon, Jim. This young man is weakening more and more every day and I think that Jethro is the only one who could help him.
-I know, Doctor…And Tony is the only one who could help Gibbs.
-It's Ducky for my friends.
-We'll find him, Ducky.

Blair was standing at the door looking at his friends. Jim joined him placing a hand on his cheek. Blair looked up at his lover.
-I don't want to loose him, Jim.
-You're not going to loose him. I won't allow that.
Blair knew it was childish but he needed Jim to take the control of the situation. He was an adult and he had had to face hard situations in his life but he knew he could trust Jim and let him take the lead.
-First we have to call the hospital you didn't already check and see if they admitted someone in the last days.
-Let me find their numbers.

When Ducky came back into the living room, he found the two men on the phone with a long list of numbers in front of them. The ME sat at Blair's side and waited for him to hang up.
-Anything new?
-Not yet, Ducky. But we still have numbers to call.

-You're sure!
Ducky and Blair turned when they heard Jim's voice.
-We'll be here in an hour. Don't let anyone touch him…You heard me…No one and no more meds…
Blair walked to him as soon as he hung up. He was trying to hope but he could not help smiling.
-You've found him…
-Yes, Blair…But it's not good. They admitted him in a psychiatric unit not so far from here.
-God…What happened?
-They said he was violent and that they had to give him sedatives…At first they didn't work but for two days he is calm…
-You're scaring me, Jim…He is "calm"…? I don't like this word.
-I didn't like it either that's why I asked them what they meant…
-And…?
-They said he had spent the last two days starring at the ceiling. He had not said a word or moved since the day they sedated him.

-Oh no…!
They had not heard Tony coming out the bedroom. He was standing in front of his friends as with as a ghost.
-I need to see him…He needs me…I have to bring him back.
-You are not going anywhere before you've taken a good rest and eat something, Anthony.
-You don't understand, Ducky…He is going to die if I don't help him…
-Anthony…
-Tony is right Ducky. He is the only one who could help Gibbs you said it yourself.
The ME took a moment to look at Tony. He realized no one would have been able to keep him away from Gibbs now they knew where he was.
-I'm coming with you.
Jim walked to Tony placing his hands on his shoulders.
-I will drive you there Tony but you have to promise not to rush things. Gibbs is probably gone too far for you to reach him. It will take time…

Tony closed his eyes. He knew Jim was right but for the first time in the last days he had hope. They had found him and he was sure he would be able to bring him back with time and love…

Chapter 6.
Together again…


Life was leaving his body but he could feel no pain. He was alone now…at first he had felt someone here in the dark with him but now he was gone. It was better that way…Tony would be safe without him. His body has tried to fight but his mind was strong and now he could feel the strength leaving him.

The only thing he had to do now was to wait…wait for death. It had been easy finally…No…It was a lie…It had not been easy…And it was still not easy. Choosing to die was not an easy choice to make but he knew it was the only solution to avoid Tony's death. The only thing he could do to save him…

He didn't know where he was but the place didn't matter. He was alone in his head, lost for the world…still alive but not for long. It was strange to feel life running through his veins and at the same time know that it would not last for long. Sometimes he could hear a nurse talking; he could feel needles going under his skin.
They were trying to help his body fight but they didn't know against what he had to fight.

He didn't know himself but as he had chosen not to fight he didn't care. The only one who could have helped him was not here. He knew Tony would be sad at first but he would still be alive and that's all he needed to know. He loved this man more than life itself and dying was not a great sacrifice to make if it could spare Tony a painful death.

He didn't know if it was the day or the night outside. His eyes were open but he could not see…he didn't want to see. There was nothing real for him anymore…All his feelings were turned to one goal…saving Tony…keeping him away from him…away from the danger.

Suddenly the pain was back. He had not felt it for the last two days and it had made things easier…Why had they stopped giving him whatever they had given him? God it hurts!
He wanted to scream, to tell them to stop that but his body could not move…he was unable to talk…"Make the pain stop!" His mind was screaming but no one could hear it…no one was here anymore.


The four men were silent in the car. Jim was driving, Blair was at his side.
-Could you drive a little faster Jim?
-Tony, there no need to rush. It's raining. You don't want us to have an accident?
-No, of course, Jim. I'm sorry but I have that feeling…I don't know how to explain it…
Blair turned to face his friend. He knew that feelings had to be taken seriously when it comes to the link between a Sentinel and a Guide.
-What are you feeling, Tony?
-I don't know…Pain I guess…
-What kind of pain?
-It's not like I've been hurt but it's here deep inside it hurts…I mean physically hurts…

Ducky looked at his friend.
-Maybe it's because you didn't eat anything for days, Anthony.
-No, I know it's Gibbs. He is in pain…
-It's probably a good thing.
-I'm not sure to follow you Jim.
-I told them to stop giving him meds. They had sedated him and that's probably why you could not feel him lately.
-But if it helped him with his senses…?
-Tony, the only thing that those meds were doing was making it easier for him to let go. Without the pain he could let his body die. Pain will keep him alive…

Tony took a moment to think. He had to breathe slowly not to let the pain overwhelm him. If Gibbs was feeling the same he had to help him.
-Anthony…? Are you ok?
Tony could not answer; he had to fight to stay conscious.
-Jim, stop the car.
-Blair we are almost there…
-I know but Tony needs help.
Jim stopped the car to let Blair and Ducky change their places.

Blair put a hand on his friend's shoulder and talked to him.
-Tony you remember what you used with Gibbs when he could not control his senses?
Tony nodded weakly.
-You're going to do the same with the pain. Try to dial it down.
Tony was still breathing hard but Blair could see that the technique he had so often used with Jim was working on Tony too.
-Are you feeling better?
-Yes. Thanks Blair.

Blair had abandoned the idea of writing a thesis on Sentinels and Guides but he almost regretted his decision now. What was happening between his friend and Gibbs was amazing. He had sometimes felt when Jim was hurt or ill but it had been nothing compared to what Tony had just experienced.

Tony exited the car as soon as they arrived at the hospital. He knew where to go…He could almost hear Gibbs calling him…He could hear his voice in his mind…It was not sound but feelings, impressions.
Jim took Blair's arm before he could follow his friend.
-Don't leave him, Blair and don't let him touch Gibbs. They would not stand the contact. They are already too close…
-What do you mean?
-I don't know how Gibbs will react when he will feel Tony's presence…His reaction could be violent…
-You think he's going to try to reject him?
-I don't know, Chief. But if it's what happens we could only pray that it will not kill both of them.

Blair ran after Tony who had already entered the hospital and was trying to explain to the nurse why he was here. She didn't seem to understand what Tony was telling her and Blair could see that his friend was about to loose the little he had taken back earlier. Blair arrived at Tony's side and caught him before he fell.
-Tony, try to breathe slowly. Dial it down.

Tony's face was distorted by pain and Blair was afraid that he would be unable to control his mind now he was so close to Gibbs.
-What's happening here?
Jim and Ducky were here and they tried to explain why they were here to the doctor who had come alerted by the nurse. Tony was now breathing slowly. Blair helped him standing up and sitting on the first chair he found.

-How are you feeling, Tony?
-It's hard to keep the control now. I need to see him.
-Where is agent Gibbs?
The doctor looked at them visibly disturbed by their behavior.
-I don't know who you are talking about?
Jim faced him and Blair could see the determination in his eyes. He could only hope that the doctor would be smart enough to know where his own interest stands.

-I called you earlier and you told me you've admitted a man four days ago with no identity…this man is Special Agent Gibbs…a federal Agent…And we need to see him…NOW!
-Room 132.
-Thanks you very much, doctor.
Jim turned back to Blair and Tony who were already on their way to the room the doc had indicated.
-Blair, remember what I told you…Be careful.
-Don't worry Jim.
-You know it won't happen, Chief but I trust you.

Jim and Ducky looked at their friend while they were walking slowly to the room were Gibbs had spent the last days.
-You think they're going to be alright?
-I don't know Ducky. I wish I could tell you yes but it would be a lie…
-Thank you, Jim.
-For what?
-Being honest.
-My pleasure, doctor.
Both friends sat there in silence. Ducky was lost in his thoughts; not sure to understand what was happening here. Jim had not left Blair, following him with his hearing. He trusted his Guide but he could not leave him alone.

Blair knew Jim was listening to him, to them and that he would be here if something happened.
-I love you, Jim.
His voice was only a whisper but he knew Jim had heard him. Tony was oblivion to his friend; his attention was turned to this door in front of him and to the man inside.

He put a hand on the handle and pushed the door open. Gibbs was here on the bed. Tony's heart missed a beat at the sight in front of him. It was not the man he had left only a week ago. His face was tensed, his eyes open looking at the ceiling. He had lost weight and Tony could see fine lines on his face…even if Gibbs could not speak or make a move Tony knew he was in pain…He could read it, feel it.

He walked to the bed, not sure what to do or say. Blair was at his side and he was glad his friend was here.
-What can I do, Blair?
-Just stay here. Let him find you.
Tony looked at Blair trying to find answers but he knew Blair could tell him how to do it. He had to find the way to Gibbs alone.
Tony sat on a chair next to the bed and closed his eyes. He was so tired he could have fallen asleep in that chair.

Blair stayed there looking at his friend. He wished he could have helped him more than that but he didn't know what to do. There was nothing he could do. Gibbs and Tony had to find each other.
-Forgive me, Jethro. I should have been there for you. I should have known you needed me. Show me what to do now, please. Don't leave me.



Tony spent the next two days at Gibbs' side, talking to him, trying to bring him back. But there was still no sign that Gibbs was hearing him. He had not moved and his body was weakening. Tony was not better than him, dark circles had appeared under his eyes, and he was not eating nor sleeping anymore.
Blair, Jim and Ducky had tried to make him leave the small bedroom with no success. They all felt helpless in front of their friends' pain.

Tony had not touched Gibbs fearing to hurt him even more. He had tried to reach him in his dreams but the older man was still hiding himself from him. So he'd stayed there on the same chair for the last forty eight hours. He was aware that he was loosing him and that he could not do anything to avoid that.

Gibbs had chosen to let him die and he had not been able to help him. He had failed his Sentinel and worse than that he had failed the man he loved. Because he was now sure there was more than a link between Guide and Sentinel between them. He had felt Gibbs' love every time he had tried to reach him. Gibbs had sacrificed himself because he loved him too much to see him hurt.

He had not said that to Blair or Jim; they didn't need to know. They would have tried to find a solution when there was no solution. At least not the one they would have thought about. Tony knew what he had to do and he suspected that Jim had understood it too. That was probably why he had not left his side for the last two days.

Jim had saved Blair; he had reached him when his Guide was at the doors of death. But the Sentinel knew what he had cost him. Jim knew he had taken the risk to die himself that day. Tony was ready to take that risk and Jim had seen it in his eyes. It was not their choice to make. It was something he had to do alone…and not only for Gibbs. He had to do it for himself too.

He could not have lived without his Sentinel, without the only person he had really loved. If Gibbs was about to die he had to reach him on last time and bring him back or die with him.
Jim had just left the room…even him had to eat or sleep sometimes.

Tony stood up and walked closer to the bed. His hands were shaking when he reached for Gibbs' hand. He didn't know what would happen but it was the only way he could reach him. He took his Sentinel's hand and nothing happened.

Tears were running down his cheeks. He had hoped that something would happen. He had even dreamt that Gibbs would open his eyes and smile at him. How naïve could he be sometimes.

He sat on the edge of the bed looking at the man in front of him.
-I love you, Jethro…
Lying down next to him he let his head rest on Gibbs chest. He breathed slowly letting the darkness overwhelm him. There was no more pain, no more sorrow.
They were together again.

Chapter 7.
Last dream.

Jim had tried to stay at Tony's side as long as he could but he really needed a shower. Blair was still searching how to help his friends…Jim didn't think that his lover would find a solution in one of his books but they had to try…

It had only taken him half an hour and he was now back at the hospital where they had found Gibbs three days ago. Jim could not imagine what the older man was living. Gibbs had tried to break the link between his Guide and himself and when he had seen it was impossible he had decided to let his body die. He knew that mind was a powerful thing but he could only hope that Gibbs would find his way back to his Guide.

He stayed for a minute in his car thinking of what had happened for him and Blair in the last years. It had not been easy at first to trust Blair. For years, Jim had dealt with his senses alone and he thought he could not risk talking about them. His father had taught him it could be dangerous…that people could think he was nuts. The old man had been so wrong… Those years were over now…He had found his Guide and he had found love at the same time…

Gibbs was a lot like him…Blair would have found a way to explain it. He would have talked about the impossibility for a Sentinel to accept feelings and emotions easily, about that animal instinct that could be a disadvantage when it comes to feelings, about the need to protect the one they love…

He was sure that Tony was in love with his Sentinel and considering the reaction Gibbs had had it was obvious that the older man had strong feelings for his younger agent.
He could not help feeling angry at Gibbs for what he was doing to Tony. The younger man was slowly dying with his Sentinel. Jim knew he would not survive if Gibbs didn't come back to him. He wished he could help them but he didn't know what to do other than being here and wait…He hated feeling so helpless.

When he entered the hospital he felt immediately that something was wrong. He had learnt to recognize Tony's heart beat and when he searched for it without even thinking he could not find him. He should not have let them alone…

He ran upstairs to Gibbs' bedroom. When he opened the door he stopped at the sight of the two men. Tony had rested his head on Gibbs' chest, his eyes were closed. Jim first thought they were both dead but when he concentrated on his hearings he could here the sound of their hearts.

He had been afraid that Tony could try something like that. His friend had only waited for him to go. He could not blame him…He knew that Blair would have done the same….Hell he would have done the same if Blair had been in that bed.

Jim sighed and exited the room. He had to call Blair even if he doubted they could do anything. Tony and Gibbs were together or they will be soon and no one could help them. They could only count on each other. He came back in the bedroom waiting for Blair. He sat on the chair where Tony had spent the last days and looked at the two men. They seemed to be calm, serene and Jim could only wish they would find the strength to come back.

-Where are they?
-I don't know, Jim. But Tony is trying to find him the way you found me when I drowned in that fountain.
-You told him about that.
-No, I think he found out on his own. He needed him, he needed the contact.
-Yes, I can understand that. We were only apart for a week and I could felt the need to be with you, close to you…
-I know, Jim. I felt it too.
-You think they are going to be fine?
-I don't know, Jim. It depends a lot on Gibbs' reaction.
Jim sighed heavily looking at the two men still lost in their world.



Tony didn't know where he was but he was feeling good. He could feel Gibbs' presence even if he could not see him. The link between them was still alive but weak. He had to find him fast or he would have lost him for good.

Nothing around him was real…He could not see or touch things; but he could feel…feel Gibbs' presence, feel his love. He only had to let this love guide him. He only had to find his true love, his only love…

He didn't know for how long he stayed there in the darkness waiting for a sign but he recognized it when he saw a weak light. It could only be him…He tried to walk to this light but he could not move. He wanted to walk to him, to run to him…

-What are you doing here?
This voice…He had hoped for days to hear this voice again. He had found him.
-I am here for you. You have to come back with me.
-I can't do that. You have to let me go.
-I won't…
-You have no other choice…Or…
-Or, what? Talk to me…Why do you want me to let you go?

There was only silence now. Tony wanted to yell at him, to oblige him to answer. He had to understand why Gibbs had made this choice. Why he had decided to leave him and die alone. But he knew Gibbs would not answer his questions because Gibbs was not here. He was not the man he had known anymore…Here…In this dream…In the dream they were sharing there were only Inti and his Guide. He had to talk to his Sentinel and not to his friend.

-I'm your Guide, Inti. You can't ask me to let you go without an explanation…You owe me that…
-You're wrong, Tony. I don't owe you anything.
Ok, he had decided to play it tough. He had prepared himself for this moment for days but he was not sure he would be able to do that now.
-True…So we are going to die here together…
-No…you have to let me, Tony. You can't stay here…Please don't fight me.

Tony could hear the anger in his Sentinel's voice but he could not understand why Gibbs was angry at him.
-You know I can't leave you alone here, Inti. You know deep inside that if you go I would die.
-And if you stay with me you are going to die too. I can't stay and watch you hurt, injured or worse. I can't stand that…
-I don't understand what you are talking about…

The light became brighter and a human form appeared. Tony could now see him…his Sentinel, his friend, his love…He could not hold back his tears.
-God…I missed you so much.
He walked to Gibbs and placed a hand on his arm. He knew he was only dreaming but this dream seemed so real. He could feel the warm skin under his palm…
-Talk to me, Inti. I'm your Guide…I'm here to help you.

Gibbs closed his eyes and when he looked up at Tony his eyes were filled with tears.
-I will only hurt you if I stayed here.
-I will die without you. You can't break the link between us without killing you and me.
-I don't understand.
Tony took a deep breath before going on. He knew he would not have another chance to convince Gibbs.

-We are bounded, Inti. And nothing can break that…Except yourself and at it the expense of your own life…and mine.
-I felt it…I tried to fight against it but it was too hard.
-I know, I felt it too.
-Tony…Let me die…Leave me alone.
-I can't do that…
-Why…?

Tony looked at the man in front of him and smiled at him. His hand cupped Gibbs' cheek wiping the tears away.
-You ask me why…Can't you feel it? Can't you hear my heart?
The younger man waited for Gibbs to reply but he seemed to be lost in Tony's hazel eyes.
-Can't you feel my love, Inti? Can't you feel that nothing could destroy this love?
Gibbs closed his eyes. Tony could not have said what he had heard.

-Listen to my heart, Inti. Listen to the truth it is telling you.
Tony took Gibbs ‘hand and put it on his heart.
-I'm alive, Inti…I'm alive because you are here with me. You are the only one who is keeping me alive. You're the only one I need and want at my side. Can you understand that?
-I can't Tony…I won't risk your life…

Tony was still looking at him. He was loosing him and there was nothing he could do to avoid that. He closed the gap between them and put his lips on Gibbs' lips.
-I love you, Jethro. And if it's what you want I will die with you. Let us be together forever.
Their tongues were now dancing and fighting in a passionate kiss. They were sharing their love, their souls…

When they finally separated, Gibbs looked up at Tony.
-I know what you're trying to do, Tony. But it won't work. I would never risk your life. You mean too much to me.
-You've made your decision…You decided for both of us…?
-I had no choice Tony. I saw what would happen if I stay at your side…if I let you guide me…and I can't risk it.
-You don't understand that I love you and I can't live without you.
-You're going to have a long and happy life, Tony… Now you have to let me…

Gibbs kissed him one last time before pushing him away. Tony felt him go away. He tried to hold onto him to keep him close but the older man was stronger than him and he could only watch him turn his back on him.
-I love you, Tony…
It was the last words he heard from him before he disappeared and darkness overwhelmed him once more.


When Tony opened his eyes he was back in the hospital bedroom. Jim was in front of him a hand on his shoulder.
-Are you ok, Tony?
-I…What…?
Blair sat on the bed beside him.
-Tony, tell us what happened.
But the younger man could not answer; he could not get his eyes off Gibbs. His Sentinel had not followed him. Gibbs' eyes were still closed.
-Oh, God! Jethro, what have you done?


The heart monitor linked to Gibbs' chest began to accelerate. Tony jumped out of the bed looking at his two friends. Jim was already outside the room yelling for someone to come.
-Jethro, please. Come back to me. Don't do that.
Tony could not control his fear now. Gibbs was leaving him. He had lost his fight. He could not let him go.
A squadron of doctors entered the room in a hurry followed by Jim. Tony was pushed in a corner of the room, his eyes still locked on Gibbs. There were many hands on Gibbs' body trying to bring him back to life.

-We are loosing him.
Tony didn't want to hear that. They could not say that…They had to save him. Blair was at his side holding him. He had not realized he had fallen but he would have ended on the floor if Blair had not been here.
His vision was blurred, his head was pounding…He could not loose him or his life didn't mean anything anymore.
-Tony stay with me…Open your eyes.

Jim and Blair were looking at him with concerned eyes.
-Tony, Gibbs needs you…
He could not move or say anything. He could feel life leaving Gibbs' body as if it was his own. He could feel his pain…God, it hurts…
Blair and Jim didn't know what they could do. Doctors were trying to keep Gibbs alive and Tony was curled in a ball on the floor of the room.

Tony was oblivion to the world for a moment. When he opened his eyes the room was silent. He could only hear a long beep ringing in his ears.
-I'm sorry Agent Dinozzo. We did our best but his heart was too weak.
Tony stood up with the help of Blair and Jim. Gibbs could not be dead…he would have felt it deep inside…He walked to the bed slowly.

His heart was beating fast in his chest but he knew what he had to do now. He knew what he had to do now.
-Get out of the room…everyone…
-Tony…
-No, Blair…There's nothing you can do now. Leave me alone with him.
-I'm sorry, Tony but I won't let you alone…Not now.
Tony looked at his friend and smiled sadly. He put a hand on Blair's shoulder.
-I can bring him back…You know I'm the only one who could do that

His eyes were back to Gibbs and he didn't realize Jim had pushed out all the doctors and nurses. His friends were standing at the door looking at him but he was now alone with Gibbs…alone in his head…alone in his heart. He placed his right hand on Gibbs' forehead and his left on his heart. He closed his eyes…
-I love you, Jethro.
Tony's head fell on his lover's chest, his eyes still closed. He was calm and serene. The darkness enveloped him…a welcome darkness…It would not be long now.

Chapter 8.
His choice.

Jim and Blair were looking helplessly at their friend while Tony was lying down beside Gibbs. They knew they would not be able to keep from doing what he thought he had to do. It was a risk he wanted to take… a risk he had to take.

Jim could still remember what he had felt when he had found Blair dead in that fountain. He had felt his heart froze in his chest…it had became harder to breathe. He had immediately felt the need to touch Blair, to try something.

His friends had tried to stop him but nothing could have kept him from being with Blair. If he had not been able to bring him back he would have died there, near that fountain.
And today he was back in his nightmare watching his friend trying what he had tried years ago.
He would have liked to help Tony, to tell him it would be like a fight…He would have to fight against his instinct, against Gibbs' will, against his own fears…

Blair could not stay calm on his chair. He knew it would be dangerous for Tony to go that far. He would have to come near death to reach Gibbs' spirit and he was not sure he would want to come back if Gibbs chose not to come back. Blair stood up and began to walk around the room…everything was silent.



Tony knew now where he was, what he had to search. Gibbs was still here, he could feel him but the link was getting weaker. The only thing he was sure about was that he could not fail or it would mean loosing him for good…and loosing himself in the process.
When he saw the light become brighter he knew he had not been wrong…Gibbs' spirit was still alive. He walked to the light feeling his body warming up.

-I knew you would not give up so easily…
-You know me so well, Boss.
Tony could feel more than see Gibbs' smile. He loved that smile. The older man didn't smile a lot but every time Tony had seen it, his heart had beaten faster. This time he knew what this smile meant. He had won the first battle. Gibbs was beginning to open his heart.

-I want you to come back with me.
-It's impossible, Tony. I've already told you I could not risk your life…
-Yes, you told me that but you never told me why you thought that staying with me would put my life in danger.
-I saw you dead in this dream…
Tony had been aware for a moment that this dream was at the origin of the troubles they were in. He could not help blaming himself for not having forced Gibbs to talk about it.

-What have you seen in this dream?
-I saw myself and you…more an image of you…
-Yeah…a fox…You've already told me that. But what happened?
-The other myself told me I was responsible for what had happened to you. That I had caused your death…He said that my mission was to protect you and that I had failed letting you die.

Tony remained silent thinking of what Gibbs had just said. Blair and him had spent hours working on the signification of dreams he had had when Jim and him had begun their relationship. He knew that those dreams could be a warning but most of the time they were only a transcription of fears…He had to make Gibbs talk…

-You are going to tell me what you had seen in that dream and what the ‘other you' had said…
-We were in the desert, the light was bright and the temperature was really high. I could feel the sun on my skin…That's when he appeared in front of him…
Gibbs took a deep breath and Tony frowned as he saw how difficult it seemed for him to talk or breathe.

-He called me Inti…I had not heard this name before but I knew that he was talking to me…I knew it was me…the real me. The man in front of me knew who I was…I mean he knew who I really was and who you were too.

Tony walked to him placing a gentle hand on his arm. He knew it was hard for him to talk about it. This dream had obviously hit him but he needed to know.
-He began to talk to me saying I had failed you…that I had to protect you…I answered I didn't understand what he was talking about and that's when he pointed his finger to a form lying on the sand…
-Take your time, Inti…

Gibbs took a deep breath before going on.
-I saw an animal…I knew it was you even before I could really see him. I walked to you and kneel in the sand…
Tony caught Gibbs before he falls on the ground…He had to bring him back…fast. His voice was only a whisper when he talked.

-There was blood on one of his flank…He was dead…You were dead…I had killed you…I was responsible for your death…I could not stand it.
-I'm here with you…alive. I would only die if you leave me…Don't you see it?
-I was so scared, Tony. I could not let you die. He said I had caused your death…
Tony placed his hands on Gibbs' face. He wanted to see his eyes…He needed him to see the truth in his own eyes.

-You are neither my father nor my protector, Inti. I can take care of myself and I'm sure you know that. What you saw in that dream was only what would happen if you leave me.
-I don't understand.
-This man wanted to warn you…
-I'm aware of that, Tony. That's why I decided to go away…
-You are going to listen to me carefully, Inti. I'm your Guide and over all I'm in love with you. I would never let you leave me…The only thing we have to do now is going back to the reality and find a solution together…

Gibbs shook his head…He could not go back and see Tony die…
-I can't, Tony. I love you too much to put your life in danger.
-But that's what we do for years…What had changed?
-I don't know…I just…
Tony kissed him lightly.

-You are a Sentinel, Inti. You are responsible for the safety of many people. It's a burden too heavy to carry alone. But I'm here to help you. You have to let me do my job. I had been chosen for that role. I'm your Guide, the only one that could help you…the only one you could trust with your senses…
-But this man told me you were dead because of me…

Tony smiled at him. This man was smart, the best agent he had ever worked with but sometimes he could be blind to the obvious.
-Can you answer a simple question?
He didn't wait for Gibbs' answer before going on.
-What have you felt when you realized it was me lying there on the sand?
-I can't even begin to explain what I felt…It was as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest…I could not breathe or think clearly. My life had not sense anymore…The only thing I had to do was die…

Tony's smile had disappeared from his face. He had not been aware of what Gibbs had lived in the last days…
-What do you think I would have felt if it had been you? What do you think I felt when I saw you on that bed?
Tony was still holding him tightly. He could not release his hold…he could not let him go…
-I love you Jethro more than life itself. I would not be able to live without you. I know what I have to do now. If you decide to stay here…I will soon join you.

Tony released him and stood up.
-This dream happened to warn you about what you were about to do…It didn't talk about anything else than what is happening now.
He knelt in front of the man he loved.

-My decision is taken, Inti. I would not live without you. We will soon be together forever…Nothing would come between us…
-Tony, don't leave me…
-You have to make your choice, Inti…Mine is already taken. I will be with you…In life or death…

Tony walked away without turning back to him. It was the hardest thing he had had to do in his life. He didn't know which decision Gibbs would make but he had realized that if his love was not strong enough to bring him back, there was nothing else he could have done.

Tony's eyes were filled with tears when he opened them. He was still in the hospital room. For the second time today he was waking up in this bed hoping that Gibbs had decided to follow him. But once more, when he looked at the man beside him he only saw his closed eyes.

-Jethro, please…
Tony could not control the sobs escaping his throat. He wanted to yell at him, to make him open his eyes.
-Don't leave me Jethro…Don't make me do that…Don't do that to us…
Blair and Jim were at his side trying to push him away from Gibbs' body. He had not brought him back and he was out of control now…crying, screaming.
-You can't go like that…You can't leave me alone…

Jim held Tony tightly almost carrying him on the other side of the room. The pain and sorrow had increased Tony's strength and Jim was almost unable to hold him.
-Tony…! You have to calm down. I'm sorry but Gibbs is dead…You can't do anything to help him now.
-No…! I can't let him go…! I need him…! Can't you see that I will not live without him!

Blair looked at his lover and Jim was amazed to see the calm in his eyes. He had seen this look before. Blair had understood something they had not been aware before.
-Let him go, Jim.
-Blair…?
-Jim…Trust me…
Jim released his hold and Tony almost jumped out of his arms. He ran to the bed and took Gibbs' body in his arms crying freely.
-We will soon be together, Jethro. Nothing will keep us apart…I promise I will soon join you.

Jim walked to Blair talking softly in his ear. He didn't want to disturb Tony.
-Why have told me to let him go?
Blair didn't answer immediately still looking at his friends. He knew it was a little chance but he had to take it…He had to give that chance to them.
-Blair…?
-Just look, Jim. Let their love make a miracle.

Tony was still talking to Gibbs rocking him gently. Tony was calmer now; tears still running down his cheeks.
-I love you so much, Jethro…Love you so much…
Gibbs' head was resting on Tony's shoulder but his face was turned to Jim and Blair. They both almost yelled when they saw Gibbs' eyes move…It could not be possible…

Tony had not seen what his friends had witnessed and he was going on whispering into Gibbs' ears.
-We will soon be together…Nothing can keep us apart, my Love…Nothing…
Gibbs' eyes were now open. Blair had been right; they had been the witnesses of a miracle. This man had been dead and Tony's love had brought him back to life.

-Tony…?
-I'm here my Love…
Jim was amazed to hear Tony's voice. He had thought that the younger had been oblivion to Gibbs' return but he had felt it. He had felt him come back to him. He turned his face to Blair who was smiling and crying at the same time.
-You knew what would happen…?
-I could only hope, Jim. But Tony had to find the strength to bring him back…He had to let his love talk for him and show what he really felt.

Both friends looked back at Tony and Gibbs who were now asleep; exhausted by the events of the last days…No one could have separated them. Their love had been stronger than Gibbs' choice, stronger than their fears…
Blair knew they had still a long way to go but they were now safe and with their help they would be able to build a new life together.