Alone in the dark…

Day one.

He didn't know for how long he was here, he didn't even know where « here » was. He had awoken in that room, alone what seemed hours ago. The last thing he could remember was leaving the office after a hard day at work; they had spent the day writing reports on a tough case that had solved.
He was walking to his car when he had heard someone running behind him then he had felt the pain…and everything had gone dark.

It was still dark. He didn't know if it was because of his eyes or because he was locked in a dark room. He was not feeling any pain that in itself was reassuring but he had the feeling that it wouldn't last for long. His throat was dry, a sign he had been there for some hours already.

The only thing he had to do now was think hard and find a way to get out of here or to send a signal to someone. But first things first… Remembering his training he knew he had to check for injuries. Even if he was feeling no pain it didn't mean he was not injured.
No blood, no wound just sore muscles…something positive…

He was fine for now. The next question was where he had been locked. He tried to stand up but his head hit the roof. He could only stay bent or sat… not so good. He then tried to lie down…impossible too. He was definitely not in a room; it was more like a box…a small dark box.

He forced himself to breathe slowly. It was not the right time to panic. He could feel fresh air coming from a small hole in the roof so he had not to worry about oxygen. Those who had locked him there had not wanted to kill at least not immediately.
How much time did he have? With enough oxygen he would be able to stay alive for a long time but there would be soon the problem of water. He couldn't stay more than two days without anything to drink.

He tried to resume his situation… He had been abducted by someone unidentified who had locked him in a box.
The positive facts were that he was not injured. He had enough oxygen to breath. On the other hand, he was locked in the dark in a box not large or high enough to stand or walk. He had no food, no water…
The last and the most disturbing thought was that no one knew where he was. Director Sheppard had given them two days off after a nasty. So no one would search for him until Monday morning and it would be probably too late for him.

He didn't want to panic because he knew it would not lead him anywhere but he was for now unable to see how he could get out of here on his own. And he was unable to see why his friends, his co-workers would worry about him before Monday morning.

There could have been someone who would have found him. If it had happened only a month ago he would have stayed here waiting for him to open that box. But he was gone. He was now living in the middle of nowhere, spending his days on a beach building his new boat.

He could still remember the day he had left them… The day he had left him. No one had known about them even Ziva and he was pretty proud to have been able to hide it from her. He had never felt so happy the time it lasted. It had been easy for them to transform a true friendship into something more. He smiled at the thought of their first kiss, their first night together…

His insecurity had amazed him. Who would have thought a man like him could be insecure and tender. He had loved him…Hell he still loved him but he had left him. He had given him his gun, the lead of the team and he had turned his back on him…Semper Fi, had been his last words…He had almost yelled at him hearing those words. This man was leaving him, leaving the life they had tried to build and he was talking about loyalty.

The following night he had tried to call him, he had even driven to his house but he had already left. It had been so easy for him. Even a month later he was feeling sick thinking about it. He had felt betrayed like he never had before. He had been thrown away many times but the relationship he had lived had never been serious.

He had thought it would be different this time. They had shared so much, risked so much but it was worth it. He had opened his heart only to have it torn into pieces. It was too painful to think that the only man who could have saved his life today was gone miles away because he had not found anything worth fighting for. He had not even talked to him. He wished he could have hated him for that but he couldn't even do that.

This man had been a part of himself, the second half of his soul. He couldn't be mad at him…He would probably die in a day or two and being angry was not what he wanted to feel for his last days on Earth. He wanted to remember the good moments they had shared…their nights, their days…

He closed his eyes letting the bitter tears fall down his cheeks for the first time. Has it all been a lie? Had he lied to him when he had said he loved him? Had he pretended to trust him?
Even a man like him couldn't pretend love. He had seen love in his eyes when he had made love to him. He had felt his body against him. He had listened to him telling the story of his life, he had wiped away his tears when he had talked about Shannon and Kelly.
He couldn't have pretended it. That's what he was telling himself for the last 30 nights when he couldn't sleep.

He had been loved and he had treasured every moment he had spent with his only true love. He had to hold onto that thought. They say you see your entire life pass before your eyes when you are dying but the only image he could see was him, his arms around his waist, his lips kissing him, his body under his hands.

He missed him so much, he wished he could have talked to him one last time, told him he had understood his choices, that he still loved him. His last wish would have been to hear him one last time say those words to him.

He was feeling thirsty and hungry. He smiled at the thought of how much time he had heard comments on his eating habits. Now he would have done anything for a pizza and a fresh beer.

Day two.

He had difficulties keeping his eyes open now. He was feeling so weak but the pain didn't allow him to sleep. The lack of food and water was making him feel sick. His stomach was turning upside down, his head was hurting. He was stuck between consciousness and sleep. His eyes were closed…It was so dark there was no need to keep them open.

The only thing he was able to see was the inside of his own mind. He had never had so much time on his own to think…Think about his life…What he had done wrong…What he would have liked to change or do differently.

There were many things he didn't regret…
Being a cop had been a great experience. He would never regret having said no to his father when the old man had asked him to take his place at the head of the firm.
He would never regret having joined NCIS…And not only because he had met the love of his life there. He thought they had made a difference sometimes and it was great to think your actions had helped your country and his people…
How could he regret having loved this man…He had lived with him probably the best moments of his short life.

There were also many things he would have liked not to do…
The way he had been obliged to leave the house of his parents because his father couldn't stand having a gay son. And the fact that he had abandoned his mother that day. She was dead without having seen his son one last time.
The way he had behaved with the women he had dated. Considering them like sexual objects. He knew they were not what he needed, what he was searching for.

He would have changed some other things too…
He should have told more often to his friends that he cared. He had not said once to his co-worker they were making a good job. He had feared to be too nice with them and the last month had been a hell for them.
He should have run after his love the day he had left the office. He should have kissed him one last time. He should have told him how much he loved him.

And it would be his biggest regret. He had not been able to keep him at his side. He had been unable to give him a reason to stay. His love had not been enough for him to stay. He was feeling dizzy at that thought…God, it hurt…

His body was telling him he was tired to fight…His head was pounding. His heart was beating too fast trying to send some blood in parts of his body that were slowly dying too. He couldn't feel his legs, his hands…His throat was too painful to even swallow…Hell he had nothing to swallow. He could still feel the oxygen coming from that hole.

He was now sure someone had locked him there to kill him slowly. The man was probably still there somewhere waiting for his death. He had tried to yell at first but no one had heard him of course. This man had obviously all planned.

He was now too tired to think of a way to get out of this box. He would die here, alone in the dark. That was not how he had pictured his own death.

When he was a cop he had thought he would die in the streets, killed by a dealer.

When he had joined NCIS he had first thought his boss would kill him before a terrorist could have a chance to shoot.

After Kate's death he had began to think if Ari had not killed him that day it was probably he had something important to do before dying. And he found out what it was the night after when his boss had knocked at his door and kissed him before he could say anything.

When his love had left him, he had thought he would die from pain and sorrow. But finally he had lived one day after another.

He would never have thought he would die alone locked in a dark box. In a weird way he was feeling relieved…He would never have to grow old alone…He would never see the only person he had ever loved die. It was probably selfish because he knew his death would be painful for his friends but it was not like he had chosen it.

He couldn't fight anymore. He closed his eyes trying to let his mind bring him where his heart wanted to be. He could see him working on his boat, looking at him from his desk a coffee in his hands. A smile appeared on his dry lips. He had not enough water in his body to even cry.

In his last breath he murmured the words only him would ever heard…
-I love you Jethro.