I cannot believe what I just did.

Some part of my mind tells me it was for the best, it was the best way to get under his skin. But there's a part of me that died with her.

I loved her. There, I admitted it. I have a feeling that she loved me, too, though she didn't show it. My Caitlin was good at hiding her feelings, though not as good as she thought she was.

"When you get to know me better, Caitlin…"

"I have no intention of getting to know you better."

That stung. Of course, I didn't show it, but it stung all the same. It might now have sounded like she loved me, but I knew. Otherwise, why did she not stab me? Perhaps she didn't have the heart; Caitlin didn't seem like the type to kill. I know Gibbs and the doctor both would have killed me in an instant. But Caitlin, my Caitlin, was different.

Perhaps she didn't like being called Caitlin; I could tell she preferred "Kate". The doctor called her Caitlin, but she didn't mind. Perhaps that was because she knew him. With me, however, it was an invasion; a complete stranger, and a terrorist at that, calling her by her full name. But over time she grew used to it.

Dear Caitlin, I truly hated having to kill her. It was an accident- the shot was meant for Gibbs. But Caitlin stepped into the bullet's path, and by then it was too late. I stood there, watching, as the bullet entered Caitlin's head and she fell to the ground. I truly did not mean to kill her.

Maybe that was why I apologized. I felt that she deserved an apology. If I apologized it meant I felt some remorse for my beautiful Caitlin.

Sorry, Caitlin.