“What the hell are you doing, Probie?”
“Looking for Gold, Tony.”
“Why? And what the hell are you wearing?”
“It’s my new leopard print mankini, do you like it?”
Tony looked on in disgust as he watched a semi-clothed McGee pan for gold in the stream ahead. McGee had always been a very different person compared to Tony and there were some things about him that eluded Tony, but surely this was taking things too far. Surely even McGee could see that what he was doing was in all cases, just wrong!
“It’s er… how do I put this… it’s interesting?”
“I like it. So do the girls,” McGee said, nodding over towards the two approaching females, both of whom sported tiny bikinis.
“Abby? Ziva? What are you two doing here?”
“We thought we’d come and help McGee here pan for Gold,” Ziva said seductively, and Abby giggled beside her.
“It’s just that mankini makes him so… handsome,” Abby said with a flirtatious gleam in her eye. Both girls were now at either side of McGee and were hanging beautifully off each of his arms.
“Are you jealous, Tony?” McGee asked, a hint of pride floating in his voice.
“What? No, never,” Tony began defensively. “How could I ever be jealous of you, Probie?”
“I’ve got the girls, Tony. Evidently I look better in a mankini than you do.”
“What? I’m not wearing a…” Tony looked down at himself to see that he was indeed wearing another vile spandex contraption and choked down the urge to vomit. The others just smiled at each other as if there was some private joke between the three of them.
“I knew you’d like it Tony,” McGee said, guiding the girls into the water next to him. “It’s just so you.”
“What are you talking about, McGee. Why, and most importantly how, did I come to be wearing this, McGee?”
McGee smiled and tapped his nose, “That’s for me to know and for you to find out…”
Tony swallowed hard, was McGee flirting with him?
“If you don’t like it, I’m sure I could help you get out of it…”
Definitely. McGee was definitely flirting with him.
“I’m alright thanks, McGee; I’ll just be going now…thanks for the um… mankini.”
“Aww,” McGee looked hurt. “Why are you going so soon, Tony? The fun is just about to start.”
“What fun? What are you planning McGee?”
Again McGee smiled knowingly, but refused to say a word.
“Oh, look here they come now!” Abby shouted from in the river, where she and Ziva had been getting a little bit close, annoyingly unbeknownst to Tony. If anything happened between those too and Tony missed it, he didn’t think he’d be able to forgive himself.
Looking up to where the girls were staring, just coming into view, were two people, a man and a woman. Tony couldn’t make out who yet, but the man was definitely wearing nothing but some sort of leaf covering the all important areas. The woman accompanying him was also wearing an arrangement of leaves. Was it Tony, or was this situation just getting weirder and weirder.
The couple came closer and Tony’s jaw dropped as he made out who it was, “Gibbs? Director? Why are you here? And why are you dressed like that? Actually, never mind,” Tony said after second thoughts. He’d rather not know.
“We’re here for the party,” came Gibbs’ voice.
“What party?”
“McGee’s, of course; you’ve known about this for months, Tony.”
“I, er, must have forgotten, Boss.”
“Well, you’re here now, so what are we waiting for, McGee? Let’s get this party started!”
“On it, Boss,” McGee said excitedly, pulling out a very well hidden canister from inside his mankini.
“Who wants to be whip-creamed first?”
…
“Oh my God,” Tony said, rubbing his eyes and looking at the ceiling. He rolled over and hit the alarm clock square on its head. The loud ringing that had brought him out of his slumber stopped and instead was replaced by an eerie quiet. There would be no more late night meatball and mozzarella subs for Tony; that was definitely not a dream that he wanted to repeat.
“Where the hell did that come from?” he asked his ceiling. “When I get to work, McGee is getting one massive slap to the back of the head…or maybe not.” A mental image of McGee in the mankini had edged its way into Tony’s head and he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to look at the Probie in the same way again, let alone go near enough to touch him.
Tony rubbed his eyes again and pulled himself out of bed. He needed to wake up and fast. Walking into the bathroom, he stared at himself in the mirror. Was that a grey hair? No, but he wouldn’t have been surprised if he had woken up completely white. Instead, Tony ran a hand through his smooth chocolate brown hair and splashed cool water over his face. Staring back in the mirror, Tony groaned as he eyed the dark circles underneath his eyes; tomorrow he needed to get a better night’s sleep.
10 minutes passed and Tony was seated at the table in the kitchen, a huge bowl of Shreddies sat in front of him and the smell of his shampoo wafted around the apartment. There was nothing like the feeling after a hot shower, after a not so pleasant night. Spooning the cereal into his hungry mouth, Tony eyed the T.V. in front of him, looking for anything related to NCIS to come up on the news. It had been slow recently, not that he was complaining, but surely that meant something had to happen soon, right?
The news finished and Tony placed his bowl by the sink, it could wait until he got home later. He turned of the T.V. and picked up all the necessary items from his counter. Suited and booted, he went and opened his front door and was about to step out into the morning light, when he noticed a package on his doorstep.
“What’s this then?” It could have been a present from Lacy; after all he thought he deserved something after his performance two nights ago, even he had shocked himself!
But no, it wasn’t her writing and besides, scribbled across the top of the brown papered parcel in permanent black pen, was the message, “NCIS C/O Tony DiNozzo.”
“Dang, it’s NCIS. Why couldn’t it have been something interesting? Although it was weird that it had been sent to his house and not the HQ, and come to think of it, there was no address, so it must have been delivered by hand. Slightly more intrigued, Tony locked up the door behind him and picked up the parcel. Examining it more closely, he walked over to his car and got in, placing the parcel on the front passenger seat. His fingers twitched desperately as he held himself off opening the parcel. If Gibbs found out he opened a parcel addressed to NCIS before he saw it, life wouldn’t be worth living. Besides the last time he did that, it hadn’t worked out to well for him; and it was too early in the morning to start battling another bout of infectious disease. Starting the engine, Tony set of for NCIS, the package safely nestled in the front seat next to him.
***
Author's Chapter Notes:
When mysterious packages start getting delivered to NCIS personel
and one of their own doesn't turn up for work,
its time to hunt for the Probie...
and one of their own doesn't turn up for work,
its time to hunt for the Probie...