Chapter Three
“Jethro?” A hot cup of coffee was shoved into his hand, rousing him from his doze. He’d been here for the last eighteen hours, only leaving Tony’s bedside when he was shoved out of the room for Code Blues. And there had been three so far. Tony was too damn close to death. Even now, he was forced to watch Tony from behind glass in the ICU. He hated the protocol but with Tony so critical, they had defined visitation moments. And they were only moments, a stolen one here and there.
Ducky had been here with him the entire time, as had Abby, who was curled up into herself, so little girl and vulnerable that Jethro wanted to protect her from all of the horrors she’d seen. Jen was in and out, splitting her time between the investigation and Tony’s bedside, updating Ziva, Lee, and McGee.
“Any change?”
Ducky shook his head. A few hours ago, he’d explained that they were going to heavily sedate Tony, bringing him into a medically induced coma. It was one way they hoped he’d rally, though nobody was hopeful.
His injuries read like a nightmare. Hands shattered, would have to be rebuilt. Nerve damage for sure. Skull fracture, mild, but if his brain started swelling, it could be fatal. Internal injuries that were horrifying, colon tearing, broken ribs, bruised kidneys, lacerated liver. And the scarring was massive. The kid was never going to be the same, would never see service again, but right now, all Jethro wanted was to see those green eyes open and focus on him.
“Have you spoken with his father yet?”
“No, Duck. Left a message. They don’t care. We’re his family.” Jethro downed the coffee, the burn of the hot brew much better than the thoughts swirling through him. “Any updates from McGee?”
“Abby spoke to him a short while ago. There are five agents plus the director working the scene, and the best forensic tech from the state police is consulting. No leads yet. Perhaps at the club…”
Abby had been so distraught that Jen had pulled her off the case immediately. When they found the perps"and they would"it would all be by the books and airtight. “They’re sending someone in undercover, Duck? Did I hear that? Who? Not McGee.”
Jethro had been so wrapped up in the life or death struggle with Tony that he’d barely listened to any of the specifics of the case and what he had heard hadn’t been well absorbed.
“Not McGee, dear boy. Someone from Richmond’s vice. None of your team will be in danger.” Ducky gave him a stern look. “Jethro, every effective leader must eat. You can’t subsist on coffee and adrenaline. You’re fading fast and as your physician, I have to insist that you eat something.”
Jethro sighed, too exhausted to argue. “Any pizza or Chinese places deliver?”
Ducky crouched down to his level and Jethro barely resisted the urge to pull the older man up or offer his chair. “Jethro, this is not a sprint, it is a marathon. Tony will be deeply unconscious for some time. When he awakens, he will need you at your sharpest. You need to eat. Take Abby, get a quick bite somewhere, refresh yourself. You’ll be no good to anyone like this, Jethro. You’re right on the edge.”
Ducky squeezed Jethro’s knee. “As your doctor and as your friend, I insist. I won’t like to do it but I can have you banned from Tony’s bedside if you don’t care for yourself.”
Jethro stood abruptly, knocking Ducky’s hand off his leg. “You’ll do no such thing, Dr. Mallard.”
“Don’t push me into it, Special Agent Gibbs. The health of all of you is my priority. You’ll be no good to Tony if your body is breaking down.” He stood, putting a gentle hand on Jethro’s shoulder. “If you intend to be here for Tony, you must take care of yourself, Jethro. Tony needs you more than anyone else.”
“Which is why I can’t leave.”
“Which is why you must leave. Look, go inside. Tell him you’re going to eat with Abby. There is a diner just down the road. Jethro, we can’t worry about you as well. It becomes much less effective if we split our concern among two. And Jethro, the children need you. See to Abigail for me.”
Jethro didn’t say anything else, just strode into the room, pretending that seeing Tony like this wasn’t killing him. He flopped into a chair, automatically reaching for Tony’s hand before pulling back, touching an unbruised area of collarbone instead.
“Tony, I have to spend a few minutes with Abby but I won’t be long. Ducky’s forcing me to eat. Don’t want to eat, Tony, but they tell me you’ll be out for a while. If you wake up, I’ll have ‘em call me and I’ll be right back here. Okay? You hang in there, DiNozzo.”
He ghosted a hand over Tony’s hair, teasing a few of the strands. “We got a lot to talk about, remember that.”
He wanted to say a lot more, but if he was honest with himself he was exhausted and the constant diet of coffee wasn’t giving him anything but a caffeine jolt followed by a crash.
When he came out of the room, Ducky was rousing a groggy Abby and nudged her toward Jethro. “Come on, Abbs. Doctor’s orders. We have to eat.”
“Tony…” She turned back and looked through the glass.
“No change, Abbs. He’s hanging on. Duck, you call me if there’s any change. Any change at all.”
Ducky pressed his lips together and nodded, shooing them out of the area. Jethro got the directions to the diner from a nurse and they walked silently there. As soon as they were seated, he ordered Abby a CafPow and himself a carafe of coffee. If he thought they’d make it double strength, he would have ordered it that way.
Abby had curled up into herself, sitting sideways in the booth and wrapping her arms around her knees. “Gibbs…he’s in bad shape, isn’t he? Three Code Blues. Are we gonna lose him? How do we make him stronger?”
Abby’s voice was hoarse, her raspy tone even more pronounced. And she looked so damn young without her bright lipstick and makeup.
How could he answer that? How could he convey faith when he’d lost his more than a decade ago? “You believe in God? Or a higher power? Then you pray, Abbs. You pray and you have faith for those of us who don’t. And you talk to him all the time.”
He nudged her leg with his foot. “You and me, we’ll be his strength right now. I’m not letting him go without a fight.”
Abby choked off a sob, fiddling with the menu. “He’s never going to be the same, is he? Inside or out. They tortured him, Gibbs. They…what they did to him.”
“I know.” He stared down at his own menu.
“You never knew, did you?”
“Never knew what, Abbs?”
“That he was trying to date you out of his system. That he’s in love with you. You’re an investigator and you never saw that. How come? How come you never saw it, Gibbs? You know everything.”
He shrugged, frustrated. He didn’t know why he’d been blind to it all this time. He’d seen how DiNozzo was but had never clued in that the other man was feeling anything more than respect. There hadn’t been any overt signs, not in front of him anyway.
“Does it offend you?” Abby continued. “Was Tony right to be scared that he’d lose everything?”
Jethro stayed silent as their drinks were delivered and Abby mumbled that they needed another minute to look at the menu.
“Gibbs? Are you offended?” Had he really thought she’d drop the subject?
He took a gulp of scalding hot coffee, the burn familiar. “I don’t know what I am. Surprised, worried, concerned. Abby, let’s keep Tony alive before we start discussing how I feel about all this.”
“Okay.”
That was an effective conversation stopper and they waited for their food in silence, Abby looking at him with those big green eyes, but not daring to say anything. When her phone rang, she lunged for it.
“McGee! Any leads? Oh…Wow. Yeah…I’ll tell him.”
She snapped her phone shut and Gibbs arched an eyebrow. “They think they have a line on one of the perps. The bartender got a good description of a guy chatting with Tony. The locals are going in tonight, maybe they’ll nab him.”
“Good,” Gibbs said in a very low, dangerously quiet tone of voice. “Because he’s mine.”
Abby shivered, she actually looked intimidated. He must have sounded just as dangerous as he felt. He was going to interrogate the dirt bag and then he was going to make the piece of trash pay.
“Jethro? Abby? There you are?” His head snapped up as Jenny strode up to their table. “Ducky told me"“
“Any change?” Jethro interrupted.
Her expression softened and she settled into the booth beside him. “None. He’s still sedated, still resting.”
He let out a relieved breath.
“Have you eaten yet?” Jen asked Abby.
“Waiting for the food, Director. You want something?”
Jen nodded and ordered a burger from the passing waiter. She leaned over, snagging Jethro’s coffee cup and taking a long swallow. “Get your own,” he growled. Instead of flinching as Abby had, she just gave him a sympathetic look and squeezed his thigh. This woman knew him too damn well.
“Did you know that Tony was gay, Jethro?”
“Bi,” Abby put in. “Director, he’s bisexual. And it shouldn’t matter, he’s the same"“
“No, Jen. Had no idea. But it doesn’t matter.”
Jen nodded, giving him a sympathetic look. “I know. He won’t be fit for duty for a long time, if ever.”
Abby slammed her hand on the table. “Director, don’t tell me we’re in the stone age. Tony’s sexuality won’t impact his job. It hasn’t yet and...”
“Abbs…”
“And he’s a damn good agent. How can you be so narrow minded as to think…”
“Abbs…”
“that he would do his job any differently because of who he’s attracted to and…”
“ABBY!” Every head in the place turned to look at them when he yelled out her name. Abby met his eyes defiantly for a moment then ducked her head down.
“Gibbs?” Her voice was little girl and it made his heart clench a little.
He shook his head, exasperated and exhausted. “Tony’s got a lot of recovery ahead of him. The director was thinking if Tony will be physically fit to be an agent.”
“Oh. His hands…I…”
Jen reached across the table and gave Abby a squeeze. “I know, Abby. It’s a lot to take in.”
As their burgers arrived, Jethro turned his attention to Jen. “Shouldn’t you be in DC. This will rattle some cages.”
Between bites, Jenny answered. “One of my senior agents on the team with the best agency wide close rate was the victim of a hate crime. SecNav knows why I’m here and is in complete support.” She sighed, looking at Jethro’s untouched food. “Don’t think I won’t tell Ducky if you don’t eat.”
He made a point of taking a big bite into his own burger, which was surprisingly good. “Don’t make Tony a political point for anyone, Jen. Just don’t do that. I’ll retire so fast it’ll make your head spin.”
She touched his arm and this time he looked at her, studying the compassion brimming in her eyes. “Tony is a damn good agent, Jethro, and a valued member of your team. I won’t stand for him being used for any means. None of this is official intelligence gathering. I’m just looking for answers, just like the rest of us.”
“Okay. Just don’t make it a crusade,” he replied before eating the rest of his food.
~*~
Wherever Tony was, it was very bright. Everything was white, except for Gibbs, of course. He stood there in a black suit Tony had never seen, looking at him somberly.
“You have to choose, Tony,” a voice said from behind him. “Staying behind means a lot of pain and coming with me mean a lot of peace.” It was Kate again, no bullet hole this time. She just looked whole and at peace.
And god, she tempted him.
“But how do I know? Is it my time yet?”
Kate sighed, motioning to Gibbs. “Do you have unfinished business with him? If you do, go back, take the pain, Tony. Was it enough letting him know how you feel?”
Tony shook his head.
“You realize that you’ll never be the same again, right? They hurt you badly. Your hands, you’ll never be able to fire a gun. And Tony? You don’t know how Gibbs will react. It isn’t as if he’s going to fall into bed with you.”
Tony sighed, looking at the other man. “He’s not really here, is he, Kate? I can’t ask him.”
Kate shook her head, looking sad. “You have to take it on faith, Tony. You’ve worked with Gibbs a long time. How do you think he’ll take it?”
Tony sighed, frustrated. “I don’t know. I guess it’s all a gamble.”
Kate cocked her head to him. “So is life, Tony. Death is the only certainty. If you want to play it safe, come with me.”
“But if I want to take a chance…”
Kate motioned to Gibbs. “Go back. He’ll be at your bedside almost every waking moment. Tell him how you feel. You never know what might happen.”
He worried his lower lip between his teeth. “I have to choose now. I don’t get to think about it, do I?”
“You have to choose now, Tony.”
He nodded, giving her a sad smile. “Come and visit with me sometimes, even if it’s when I’m sleeping. I want to stay but I have to go.”
“Good luck, Tony,” Kate whispered. Her former partner would need it.
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks to everyone who has replied, commented or nudged me into completing this chapter.
Extra thanks to Anna and Ange.
Apologies about the delay. I've been dealing with a lot of loss and wasn't in the right mindset to complete the chapter until now.
Extra thanks to Anna and Ange.
Apologies about the delay. I've been dealing with a lot of loss and wasn't in the right mindset to complete the chapter until now.