Finding Jeanne Benoit was not particularly difficult for Ziva. McGee had already hacked into the FBI computer system storing every detail he’d found about the La Grenouille case where Ziva could access it. And she had her own contacts she could call for information. She had a location in less than an hour.
It was almost cliché that the FBI had put Jeanne Benoit up in a swank hotel in downtown DC. But then the FBI wasn’t known for its imagination. Ziva supposed she should be grateful they hadn’t made her job any harder, but if someone were really targeting Dr. Benoit the FBI’s ‘safe house’ wouldn’t have done much to keep her out of harms way.
She’d called Gibbs to let him know she’d located Dr. Benoit. The curt order to bring her to the Naval Yard didn’t surprise Ziva at all, although, the fact that he didn’t want to do it himself had. He hung up before she could get the chance to ask where he was and why he wasn’t going to come with her.
Ziva sighed. She hoped he was with Tony. She’d seen Fornell and his lackey go down the hall; they were likely still in the building somewhere. She hadn’t seen Tony or Gibbs since they’d gone to the interrogation rooms. Even after all they’d learned about LaFiamma and Lundy, Ziva didn’t trust them. They obviously cared about Tony, but she couldn’t help seeing them as an obstacle to returning Tony to his rightful place on the team.
Getting to the hotel did not take long. Ziva suspected Fornell had chosen it simply because of its close proximity to the Naval Yard. Although, the high end nature of it may have made it Benoit’s choice.
Not for the first time did Ziva wonder exactly what it was Tony had seen in her. Oh, Jeanne was pretty enough there was no denying that. But if simple physical beauty were enough to satisfy him, Tony would have fallen in love a dozen times over; that was clearly not the case.
Jeanne’s profession suggested above average intelligence. And while Tony might act immature and silly at times, he was far from stupid so it made sense he’d be attracted to someone of equal intelligence. He would want someone who could challenge him.
But Ziva would have thought he’d want someone who was more than just intellectually his equal. She thought he’d have fallen for someone fully capable of taking care for herself. Jeanne struck Ziva as a rich, little daddy’s girl looking for a knight in shining armor to sweep her off her feet and take care of her. To Ziva, Jeanne was…soft, weak, in need of protection.
And maybe that was what appealed to Tony, except that he also had deep feelings for Paula Cassidy. Cassidy was a strong, capable woman, easily Tony’s equal. In Ziva’s opinion, Cassidy would have been a better match for him than Jeanne as a girlfriend or wife. It was a shame she died in the line of duty.
Perhaps there was more to Jeanne than Ziva realized. Maybe she had hidden depths, value and worth Ziva hadn’t seen. But what Ziva had or hadn’t seen was no longer an issue. The woman had accused Tony of murder and whatever she might have been to him then she was now an enemy, a betrayer.
It didn’t matter that Ziva might understand Jeanne’s motives. She could easily relate to wanting revenge for heartbreak and perfidy. She’d killed her own brother for similar reasons. His being a traitor to Israel was the justification, but not the reason she’d actually put a bullet in his head. He had lied to her, abused her trust and faith in him, denied all they’d professed to stand for, and in doing so diminished them both. That wasn’t something she would have ever allowed to go unanswered. His betrayal of Israel didn’t require Ziva to be his executioner, but his betrayal of her demanded nothing less.
For Jeanne to accuse Tony of murder and use the FBI as her means of revenge was another reason Ziva thought her weak. She didn’t have balls enough to act on her own, for herself.
Ziva didn’t think Jeanne was making her accusations just to get back at Tony for lying to her. It was the only crime he’d committed against her, and while not inexcusable, it was hardly the sort of thing that warranted such an extreme measure.
No, Ziva suspected Jeanne wanted to hurt Tony not for lying but for knowing more about her father than she had. He was there when Jeanne found out her father wasn’t a harmless businessman but a merchant of death. Tony knew daddy dearest had lied to her, knew he’d been lying for her entire life. Finding out the man she’d loved and trusted for years, the man she’d looked to for guidance and safety, wasn’t who she thought he was would have been far more devastating than learning her boyfriend of a few months had lied about who he was. She was looking for a scapegoat, someone to blame for what she’d lost, someone she could hurt the same way she’d been hurt.
Tony was simply an easy target for Jeanne to vent all her hurt and anger upon. And that was another reason for Ziva’s derision. She had little respect for people who took the easy, obvious way.
Getting Jeanne to the Naval Yard was as easy as finding her had been. Ziva didn’t know if Fornell had called ahead, knowing Gibbs well enough to suspect what his next move would be or if the FBI agent escorting Jeanne was far too naïve and trusting. She hoped it was the former, because flashing a badge and stating who she was shouldn’t have been enough to make him relinquish Jeanne into Ziva’s custody. At the very least he should have verified her ID or offered to go along with Jeanne.
“Is this about, Tony?” Jeanne asked, her tone hesitant and expression pensive.
Ziva nearly snorted. That little girl lost might work on men, but Ziva wasn’t fooled.
“Is there someone else at NCIS you’ve accused of murder?”
Jeanne paled and looked away. They completed the rest of the trip in silence. Ziva would have liked to ask more questions, but she knew silence was far more intimidating. It would naturally unsettle Jeanne more than if Ziva bombarded her with questions, demanding answers. It would warm her up for Gibbs. Ziva successfully stifled the smile that thought engendered.
She escorted Jeanne to an interrogation room. “Someone will be with you shortly,” Ziva told her before leaving.
Ziva headed for her desk, not entirely surprised to see Gibbs, Tony, LaFiamma and Lundy standing in front of the plasma screen, talking in low voices to one another. Her eyebrows rose when she realized the screen was blank. She wondered if that was because they didn’t want to put up the details of the case where anyone passing by could see them, or if it was because McGee was not around to display the information for them. The latter she dismissed. It isn’t as though Tony hasn’t taken command of the remote before, all but fighting for it at times. She frowned, shaking her head. He’d done that when he worked for NCIS but perhaps he no longer felt it was his place.
She wanted to yell at him that it could still be his place; he never had to leave at all. Ziva bit her tongue. Tony had offered consolation to Abby when she had her earlier outburst, but Ziva knew one from her would not be well received. Not only was it not her nature to be that way, she knew convincing him to come back would take a level headed approach not an emotional one.
Ziva was sure she hadn’t misread Tony when he told Abby it was okay. He didn’t mean he was coming back, or that everything was fine between them. No, he clearly meant he wasn’t upset by her outburst; she didn’t need to feel guilty or ashamed about speaking her mind. It was just Abby being Abby.
“You get her settled?” Gibbs asked, somehow knowing Ziva was there even though he’d never once glanced in her direction.
Ziva nodded. “She is in interrogation room three.”
Tony’s jaw clenched, clearly knowing who ‘she’ was. “Maybe I should talk to--“
“Not a good idea,” LaFiamma argued.
Tony glared at him. “Joe--“
“You asked me to act as your legal counsel.” LaFiamma shrugged. “That’s what I’m doing. And we don’t want anyone to claim witness tampering.”
Tony looked offended. “You know I wouldn’t•“
“Yes, I know you wouldn’t, but that doesn’t mean someone else trying to make his bones on a high profile case wouldn’t accuse you of it.” LaFiamma’s expression turned apologetic. “You know how legal things are. Truth can be less important than the perception. It is better you don’t talk to her until this is settled.”
“I just want a chance to apolog--“
“Nothing you say right now in the way of an apology is going to change the fact that she was angry enough to accuse you of murder.” LaFiamma shook his head. “Let’s deal with making sure we can get the case dismissed before we worry about making nice with her. The last thing we what is for anything you say to her to come back and bite you in the ass. You’ll have a lot more time to talk to her without this hanging over your head.”
Tony sighed heavily. “Don’t you ever get tired of being right?”
LaFiamma gave him a rueful smile. “Sometimes.”
Ziva was impressed that LaFiamma managed to convince Tony he was right so easily. She’d certainly never been able to sway him with so little effort. The only one Tony had ever given into so quickly that she knew of was Gibbs. Ziva considered how much trust Tony must have in LaFiamma to follow his lead and let him dictate his actions. Tony was closer to his cousin than the team had theorized.
“You going to do the interrogation?” Tony asked, looking at Gibbs.
Gibbs gave him a look Ziva knew well. Gibbs routinely used it whenever one of the team said something that he considered stupid.
“Right. Stupid question.” Tony sighed, fingers running through his hair. “Go easy on her, will you?”
“Tony,” Gibbs frowned, “she accused you of murder.”
“I know.” Tony made a meaningless gesture with one hand. “But if I hadn’t…if Shepard…Look, she’s not some hardened criminal. I’m just asking that you don’t treat her as one.”
Blue eyes met green. Gibbs nodded once. It had all the weight of a promise. Ziva hoped keeping it wouldn’t tie Gibbs’ hands. Dr. Benoit’s feelings were far less important to Ziva than Tony’s.
Ziva felt guilty when it occurred to her that Tony’s feelings hadn’t always come first. Getting one up on him had been far more important than any damage her words and actions might have inflicted. She never thought he’d taken any of it to heart, not until he alluded to it in his letter to her. Only rereading it as many times as she’d watched the security footage of his last visit to the Naval Yard had given her insight to what was written between the lines. He hadn’t shrugged off things as easily as she’d assumed.
“You mind if I watch the interrogation?” LaFiamma asked, managing to imply the question was only asked out of courtesy. There was no doubt he’d be observing regardless of Gibbs’ answer
Gibbs gave LaFiamma a dark look before nodding curtly. “Should have Fornell watch too.”
“Might be educational for the man,” Lundy said, a faint smile curling the outer edges of his lips upward. “God knows the man could use some smarting up.”
“Always thought so myself.” Gibbs surprised Ziva by actually chuckling. “I’ll call him.”
Gibbs headed for his desk. Why he’d opt for his landline over his cell Ziva didn’t know. There was a lot about him she didn’t quite understand.
Ziva squared her shoulders, stepping closer to Tony. She wasn’t sure if this was the right time to speak with him, but so much time had already passed she was leery of waiting any longer. Once things were settled with the FBI and Jeanne Benoit, Tony could leave again. Ziva couldn’t let him slip away a second time.
“Tony, may I speak with you?” She glanced toward Lundy and LaFiamma. “Privately.”
Tony hesitated. He traded looks with Lundy and LaFiamma. An entire conversation took place between them without anyone saying a word. Ziva resented the other men for this obvious ease of communication with Tony. She thought she’d had it once with him, but evidently she was mistaken or he’d have never left so abruptly.
Watching their faces, Ziva could tell Lundy was leaving the decision up to Tony. LaFiamma on the other hand shifted his gaze from Tony to Ziva. He eyed her with open suspicion.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Tony said, clearly trying to sway his cousin.
LaFiamma grimaced, sighing quietly. He rubbed a hand over his face. “Just don’t get in an elevator with her.”
Ziva felt her face warm hearing LaFiamma’s warning. The reference was too obvious for her to miss. He had to know about a suspect dying in her custody while in the elevator.
Ziva cleared her throat. “That was an accident.”
“Not entirely sure how you can accidentally kill a man with your bare hands.” LaFiamma snorted, eyes regarding her coldly. “Not like you can claim you didn’t know they were loaded.”
“Joe.” Tony’s tone managed to include both a reprimand and a warning in that one word.
To Ziva’s astonishment LaFiamma didn’t say anything else. She wouldn’t have expected someone so rabid about protecting Tony to relent so quickly. Plainly the trust between them worked both ways. LaFiamma might not agree with Tony’s decision to speak with her privately, but he clearly had confidence in Tony’s ability to handle himself and make his own choices.
Tony gestured with one hand, indicating Ziva should lead the way. She went to the small alcove behind the stairs. It was as private as she could arrange with so little notice---short of taking over the elevator as Gibbs was wont to do, but she couldn’t see LaFiamma allowing that after his earlier comment.
She turned to face Tony. Ziva resisted the urge to fidget, trying for the calm poise she habitually maintained. She took a deep breath, opening her mouth before closing it again. She didn’t know where to start and bit back a curse. How as she going to convince him to stay if she couldn’t even speak? How could she sway him with logic if she had no idea what to say?
Tony cocked his head to one side. “You okay?”
“This is…I wanted…Damn.” Ziva huffed in frustration. “I do not know where to begin.”
Tony smiled, eyes warm with genuine amusement. Rather than being angry over his enjoyment at her expense, Ziva found herself trying to remember the last time she’s seen him smile and mean it. She’d taken his ready smile for granted, not realizing until he was gone how long it had been since she’d seen him smile with honest good humor.
Months before he left his smile hadn’t reached his eyes, and it looked forced rather than natural. Ziva had blamed it on his relationship with Jeanne, but in hindsight, she realized the change had happened after Gibbs left.
“Starting at the beginning is usually the best place.” Tony’s voice was gentle, encouraging, and it was a tone she’d heard him use only once with her---after Roy had died. She’d rebuffed him then, not wanting his sympathy or his pity.
“I am not sure where that is,” Ziva admitted with a sigh. She reached out to touch his arm, unaccountably pleased that he did not draw back from her. “I have missed you.”
“Yeah, Gibbs mentioned that.”
“You do not sound as though you believed him.”
Tony shrugged. “Couldn’t think of why you would.”
“What?” Her mouth dropped open. “Tony, how can you say that?”
Greene eyes narrowed. “You really want me to give you the entire list, or would the top ten be enough?”
Ziva flushed. In his letter, he’d mentioned he was confident she and the team would be just fine without him slowing them down. He’d written that between McGee’s genius level intellect, Abby’s magic machines, Gibbs’ gut, and Ziva’s scary assassin skills they’d never even know he was gone. He’d described himself as someone readily replaced, having no special training or unique skills. She’d characterized him the same way not long after Gibbs had left letting Tony know he was not Gibbs and he should stop pretending to be anything more than what he was. She hadn’t realized how harsh the words must have sounded until seeing them parroted back to her in black and white.
“Tony, I didn’t mean•“
“Yes, you did.” Tony gave her a bitter smile. “If it’s one thing you’ve always been Ziva it is unfailingly honest with your insults. No reason to take them back now.”
She wanted to apologize, to ‘take back’ the insult, but couldn’t force the words ‘I’m sorry’ out. She opted for an explanation instead. “I never meant for you to think that you were not a necessary part of the team.”
“This is why the ends rarely justify the means…what you mean to happen isn’t always what you get in the end.” Tony shook his head. “And I am not a necessary part of the team. You guys are doing just fine without me.”
“No, we are not.”
“Still closing cases, aren’t you?”
Oh they closed several, but without Tony it had taken far longer and required a lot more effort. And the resolution of some of them was far less than satisfactory. There was little banter now, no competition, no movie references or sudden leaps of insight, no little boy joy at putting together the pieces of a puzzle successfully.
“Yes, we are still closing cases, but•“
“Then you are doing just fine.” Tony smiled, but it didn’t reach is eyes. “Results are all that ever mattered, right? As long as the job got done the rest isn’t important.”
“There is more to this team than just the cases we work.” Ziva ground out in frustration.
“Like the dinner I wasn’t invited to?” Tony arched an eyebrow.
Ziva had forgotten about that. It seemed so long ago now.
“Like taking things on my desk the second you thought I’d died?”
That she could explain. It didn’t mean what he thought. But Tony didn’t give her a chance.
“Like the fact that you don’t trust me and never did?”
“I trusted you.” Ziva spat back hotly. “I have always trusted you until you lied about•“
“Bullshit.” Tony stepped closer, towering over her. “You went to Gibbs when you were in trouble, not me. You didn’t trust me enough to take care of you, to be able to handle the problem. And that was well before anything with La Grenouille entered into the picture.”
Tony stepped back. “I was there for this team. I did all I could think of to hold you together when Gibbs left, and you ridiculed me at every turn. You couldn’t wait to throw it back at me when I was back to being senior agent.”
He shook his head. “And when I needed something…a little support, maybe some understanding over an operation gone bad, something I know full fucking well you have first hand experience with…I wasn’t going to get that from you, was I? You were too damn busy making sure I knew I’d let you down to bother asking me how I felt about all of it.”
“I tried talking to you.” Ziva defended herself.
“You followed me into the men’s room, and by the end of that enforced discussion, I was supposed to apologize.” Tony rolled his eyes. “Can’t see how exactly that helped me much.”
“You stepped over the line.” He’d brought up her feelings for Roy. He should have known better.
“You leaped over it first, Ziva.” Tony glared at her. “It is okay for you to pour salt in an open wound but I’m not allowed to do the same? Think again, sister. You don’t have the right to call my romantic judgment into question when your own is far from perfect. And furthermore, you don’t get to question my keeping secrets either. It’s not like you were ever forthcoming about your spy shit. I never once threw that in your face.”
Ziva forced herself to take a deep breath rather than lash out the way she wanted to. Striking Tony would only prove LaFiamma right to be wary of letting Tony spend time alone with her. Ziva was honest enough with herself to realize most of her anger was over how hard it was to argue with Tony when she knew he was right. She mentally slapped herself. She wasn’t supposed to be fighting with him in the first place.
“I don’t want to fight with you.”
“I don’t want to fight with you either.” Tony rolled his shoulders, the gesture almost visibly releasing tension.
Accepting the statement as a peace offering, Ziva tried to start over. “I really have missed you.”
“Missed you too, Sweet Cheeks.”
He smiled again. It was soft and warm making it clear he meant that. Ziva was surprised by how much it meant to hear him address her by that annoying little pet name. No one else had ever dared to do such a thing.
“I’m sorry.” There were too many things she was sorry for to name. “There is so much I should have done differently.”
“I know the feeling.” Tony clearly understood. “There are a lot of things I could have been handled better than I did. We all make mistakes.”
Ziva nodded, accepting the compromise being offered. They both had regrets, and neither was blameless. But they weren’t pointing fingers any more. And it no longer felt like some huge weight bearing down on her.
She made eye contact and held it, hoping she could still accomplish what she’d set out to do---convince him to return. “Nothing is the same without you.”
“It wasn’t the same when McGee joined the team. It wasn’t the same Gerald left, and Palmer took over as Ducky’s assistant. It wasn’t the same when you replaced Kate. It wasn’t the same when Gibbs left or even when he came back.” All trace of hurt and anger were gone from his tone. “But I adjusted. You will too.”
“I don’t want to adjust.” It grated on Ziva’s nerves that she sounded like a petulant child, but it was the truth. She didn’t want to get used to Tony being gone.
“No one ever wants to.” Tony reached out and cupped her cheek with one hand. “They just don’t get a choice.”
“You have a choice. You could come back.”
“I could--”
“But you won’t.” Ziva finished for him, reading the decision in his eyes.
Tony’s thumb caressed her cheek. “I’ve made a good life for myself in Houston.”
Ziva swallowed hard, blinking rapidly. She’d hoped he would come back the same way Gibbs had. But Gibbs never formed any ties to Mexico. Gibbs never really wanted to leave or stay gone. Had he wanted to, nothing would have brought him back. Tony had a job. He had friends who cared enough to fly to DC and watch his back. He formed ties and put down roots. He hadn’t come back to help the team deal with their problems, he’d come back to address his own.
“Are you happy there?”
“Yeah, I am.” He leaned down and kissed her cheek.
She kissed his cheek in return. “You deserve to be happy my little Hairy Butt.”
“So do you, Sweet Cheeks.”
“It will be harder to do without you here.”
“Harder, but not impossible. Not for a super secret spy ninja like you. You’ll be kicking ass and taking names just like always.”
She laughed. It was a bit watery but still there. His humor, as annoying and juvenile as it could be at times, was the thing she missed the most.
“Perhaps I could come visit?”
“I’d like that.”
She might not have convinced Tony to return, but at least she knew he didn’t hate her. It was a small victory, not nearly what she’d hoped for, yet one Ziva found meaningful nonetheless.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Ziva tracks down Jeanne. Ziva and Tony talk.