Tony appreciated Jack’s efforts to keep the IA investigators at bay until Gibbs arrived, but truthfully, he wanted to get the inquisition over with so he could concentrate on the future. He wanted to put this mess behind him and try and salvage his career and life; there were decisions to be made and he couldn’t afford to be distracted when he made them. The senior field agent found himself longing for the peace and quiet that Jackson had spoken of, but Tony knew that he would first have to make peace with himself.
He scrubbed his face, grimacing at the stubble on his normally smooth skin. For someone who had always taken a certain amount of pride in his looks; Tony could only begin to imagine the ghastly figure that had taken the place of the man that he used to be. Of course, he doubted that he would ever be able to revert back to the old Anthony DiNozzo; he had been taken apart piece by piece and Tony wasn’t sure that there would be enough glue in the universe to put him back together again. All the cracks would be visible to those around him and everyone would know what a fraud he was.
“You okay, son?” Jack asked, interrupting his self-deprecating thoughts.
“Yeah, Jack,” he tiredly sighed. “I’m okay.”
“You sure about that?”
“No, but right now, I don’t have much of a choice.”
He was hoping that Jack would tell him that he did have a choice, but the older man couldn’t do that; Anthony DiNozzo knew that Jackson Gibbs would never lie to him. Tony settled for a sympathetic smile from the man who had taken him in at what the agent deemed to be the lowest point in his life. Nodding his silent thanks to Jack, he laid his head back against his pillow, mentally counting the minutes before Gibbs walked through the door.
The two investigators were standing just outside his door, showing no outward signs of the impatience that Tony knew they had to be experiencing. He was having trouble quelling his own impatience; waiting for the inevitable shoe to drop was wearing on his last nerve.
Thankfully, he didn’t have to wait too long before he heard the voice of the taciturn team leader as he mumbled a greeting to Agents Kincaid and Mason. Within a couple of seconds, the former Marine was standing by his bedside, coffee in hand, suspicious eyes taking in the younger man’s haggard countenance.
“You look like crap, DiNozzo,” Gibbs casually observed, taking a sip from the cup of steaming liquid. “You sure you’re up for this?”
“I’ll be fine,” Tony replied unconvincingly. “I just want to get this over with.”
“Can’t blame you there.”
“There’s no use in putting it off any longer; better do it before I lose my nerve.”
Gibbs shook his head. “That’ll never happen, Tony.”
“Why do you say that?”
“You’ve got more nerve than anyone I know.”
Tony knew that Gibbs didn’t hand out compliments freely and he should be grateful for the confidence that his Boss had in him, but that knowledge did very little to erase the doubts in his mind. “I don’t know about that.”
“You’ve stuck with me for almost 9 years,” Gibbs pointed out.
“That’s longer that his 3 ex-wives combined,” Jack added. “You must have nerves of steel.”
He grinned at the elder Gibbs. Tony could see where Jethro Gibbs got his wicked sense of humor from; the father and son were more alike than either of them cared to admit. What was the saying? The apple doesn’t fall from the tree; of course, that didn’t pertain to all fathers and sons. He wasn’t sure that he and his dad were even the same kind of fruit.
Quietly chastising himself for his mental digression, Tony barely noticed Gibbs escorting his father from the room. He waved goodbye at Jack, who had promised to find out what happened to Maude and her cat. Tony chuckled at the confused expression on his Boss’s face; it wasn’t too often that he was able to pull one over on the ex-Marine.
Jack waved to him one last time, leaving him and Gibbs alone. As the team leader stood at the foot of his bed, Tony could feel his steely gaze trying to pierce the wall around his soul. “You ready?” Gibbs asked.
Tony nodded. “Yeah.”
“If you need a break or it gets to be too much, you better let me know,” the team leader warned.
“I will,” Tony promised.
“You better or I’ll kick your ass.”
“I know, Boss.”
He blew out a pent up breath, bracing himself for the onslaught of questions that he was about to face. Tony knew that his words and actions would come under heavy scrutiny and he would have to be able to bear the burden of the truth, not only physically, but emotionally as well.
Tony watched as the two investigators followed Gibbs in the room. He didn’t miss how his Boss placed himself between him and the two agents, making him wonder how he could have ever doubted the fact that Leroy Jethro Gibbs had his six.
“Hello again, Agent DiNozzo,” Kincaid stated. “Are you ready now?”
“Yes.”
“Let’s begin then, shall we?”
DiNozzo didn’t answer the rhetorical question, opting to patiently wait for the first question. He would not let these two men see how scared he was and how completely vulnerable he felt; Tony wasn’t afraid for himself, but for all those who called him friend. Gibbs and the others had taken a big risk by helping him, so he vowed to do his best not to implicate them in the mess he had created.
“Your name is Anthony D. DiNozzo,” Kincaid began. “Is that correct?”
“Yes.”
“How long have you worked for NCIS?”
“Right at nine years.”
So far, so good. He was batting two for two. Unfortunately, he knew that the questions that he was going to have to eventually answer would require more than a two or three word response.
“Have you spent the entire time under the supervision of Agent Gibbs?”
“No.”
“Please elaborate, Agent DiNozzo.”
Tony glanced at Gibbs. He didn’t like bringing up the time that the team leader had taken his Mexican sabbatical; it brought back to many painful memories and insecurities. DiNozzo didn’t even want to think about his time as Agent Afloat, but there was no sidestepping the question. A slight nod from Gibbs gave him the courage to continue.
“I was team leader for four months during Agent Gibbs’ absence and um…I did a stint as Agent Afloat for four months.”
“You worked under Director Jenny Shepard while you were team leader?” the investigator pressed.
“Yes.”
“Were you involved in any covert operations while you were directly under the supervision of Director Shepard?”
Tony found himself praying that he would not have to dredge up the whole La Grenouille fiasco. That operation had taken a lot out of him and had left him emotionally scarred to the point that he doubted that he would ever be able to give his heart freely to anyone.
“Agent DiNozzo?” Mason interjected. “You need to answer the question.”
He nodded. “Yes, I was involved in several covert operations for Director Shepard,” Tony admitted. “I was undercover for almost a year on one particular op.”
“That would be the operation that was trying to bring down the Frog?” Kincaid pressed.
“Yes.”
“After that, did you do anymore undercover operations under her leadership?”
“No.”
DiNozzo could feel his anger building. Why didn’t they just ask the questions that would hand them Vance and Davenport on a silver platter? What kind of game were they playing? Why were they taking him on this unpleasant stroll down memory lane? Everything that they had asked him so far was in his records; there was no reason to be asking him such mundane questions.
He clenched his jaw, prompting Agent Mason to ask, “Is something wrong, Agent DiNozzo?”
“No,” he growled. “Not at all. I just love sitting here answering stupid questions.”
“Agent DiNozzo, we’re just doing our job. We’re trying to establish your frame of mind at the time of…”
Tony sat up, ignoring the ache in his side. “You want to know my state of mind? Why didn’t you just ask?”
“DiNozzo!” Gibbs barked. “Easy.”
The senior field agent heeded the stern warning from his Boss. He realized that Gibbs was only trying to keep him from digging his own grave. If he did or said the wrong thing, then the investigators would quickly dismiss his accusations against Vance and Davenport.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized to the agents. “I’m just been a long couple of days.” Tony knew that the excuse he had offered to the investigators had been lame, but at the moment, it had been the best one he could invent at the spur of the moment.
“Shall we continue?” Agent Kincaid inquired.
“Sure.”
“Earlier this year, you were assigned to the Reagan and then the Seahawk,” Kincaid restated.
“Yes.”
“This was a promotion, was it not? Most agents jump at the chance for an assignment like that.”
“Well, I’m not like most agents,” Tony shot back.
He saw Gibbs stifle a grin at his flippant comment. Tony figured that the team leader would agree with that statement.
“So did you think it was a punishment?”
Without missing a beat, Tony answered, “Yes.”
“Why?”
In order to honestly reply, he would have to reveal the truth about how Jenny Shepard died. Only a select few knew the actual truth and he was pretty sure that IA wouldn’t have been in that particular loop. Sparing another glance at Gibbs, he knew that the former Marine expected him to tell the truth, but Tony was reluctant to bring those painful memories to the forefront once again.
“Like I said, I’m not the ideal agent and I guess since Vance saw his taking the reins as a way to clean house, he reassigned me.”
“Your file lists it as a promotion,” Agent Mason pointed out.
“Whatever.”
“So you we’re Agent Afloat for four months and then you were reassigned to D.C. and if I’m not mistaken, Director Vance approved this transfer.”
“That’s right.”
“Since your return, have you participated in any covert operations for Director Vance?”
“Yes.”
“How many?”
“Including this last one, four.”
The two agents exchanged concerned glances. “How have you managed to work four undercover operations and continue functioning as the senior field agent for Agent Gibbs’ team?”
“It’s not been easy,” Tony confessed. “But I thought I didn’t have a choice.”
“Please explain,” Kincaid insisted.
Again, Tony looked to Gibbs for guidance. Kincaid and Mason were finally through badgering him about his past and now the crux of the matter was at hand. The team leader graced him with a slight nod and a silent vow that he would stay by his side despite the consequences that may arise from the investigation.
Taking a deep breath, he began to recount the past events that had led him to this point in his life. “While I was at sea, I developed an ulcer and Vance managed to find out. I had it under control so I didn’t feel the need to report it. Vance reamed me out for not following procedure and then started talking about some situations that he needed my expertise on.”
“So he asked you to work undercover for him and you agreed.”
Tony nodded. “He threatened to break the team up once again and this time it would affect Gibbs as well. I didn’t see that I had a choice at the time.”
“Why didn’t you go to Agent Gibbs?”
He wondered if Agent Kincaid had any idea of how tempted he had been to go to Gibbs and tell him everything. Tony had still been dealing with the guilt from Jenny’s death and part of him had believed that he was still paying penance for allowing her to die on his watch. At the time, he was still having a hard time looking the team leader in the eye and believed that he had no right to ask his mentor to help bear the burden that was being placed upon him.
“I told you that Vance had already threatened to break us up and I didn’t want to that to happen. Everybody was back where they belonged.”
DiNozzo didn’t chance looking at Gibbs this time because he already knew that the former Marine was aware of the fact that he wasn’t being completely honest with the investigators or himself.
Fortunately, Kincaid didn’t press the issue. “Do you have proof that it was Director Vance initially blackmailing you into working undercover against your will?”
“Just my word.”
“It’s going to be your word against his.”
Tony visibly bristled. He should have known that he word wouldn’t be good enough; it never was. “And I guess that you’ll take his word over mine,” he challenged.
“Not necessarily,” Mason assured him. “But he is the Director of NCIS.”
“That automatically puts him above the law?”
“No, but it does make him harder to reach.”
“So you’re not going to even try?” Tony felt his rage beginning to build, not only at the agents but at his own stupidity for not being able to back up his claim that Vance was blackmailing him.
“I didn’t say that. Why don’t you just continue on with your statement?” Kincaid suggested.
“Why? It won’t matter,” Tony snapped.
He felt Gibbs gently squeeze his shoulder. Tony drew from the strength of the man whom he looked upon as a father. “Tony, go on and tell them about the operations you were sent on. We’re going to get Vance and Davenport; I swear,” Gibbs said.
Tony sighed in frustration, momentarily regretting his decision not to take Davenport up on his offer. “The first two operations were pretty much just recon, spying on supposed dealers and stuff like that. The third mission, they loaned me out to another agency to help track down an arms dealer that once had connections with the Frog. I was beginning to wear out by then because we had so much going on here with Agent Lee and…anyway, by the time the CIA was done with me, my reserves were tapped. I didn’t get a break before I was sent undercover to infiltrate a drug ring in Norfolk.
“I was tired and begged Vance to pull me out but he refused. I had a feeling my cover had been blown and Vance refused to give me a break. He said I was expendable,” Tony painfully recalled.
“I continued to work undercover, living off of coffee and caffeine pills. I finally ended up discovering a file that had a lot of names on it that I recognized. It turns out that the drug ring was just part of what I uncovered. They were also in the business of illegal weapons; the kind that could wipe a small country off the map. These weapons were up for bid and in order to bid, you had to overlook the drug running scam and of course be willing to pay a very high price.”
“Where is this file?” Mason inquired.
“Somewhere safe.”
“We will need to confiscate it.”
He signed for Gibbs to hand him his shoes. Taking the left one, he opened the heel and pulled out a flash drive. “It’s all on here. The names of everyone who was bidding on it as well as the types of weapons they were bidding on. The highest bidder could walk away with a regular armory.”
“Did you confront either Vance or Davenport about the content of these files?”
“No, but they know I have them.”
“Have they tried to retrieve them?” Kincaid wanted to know.
“Not personally. Mainly a few idle threats.”
“You were wounded on this mission,” the investigator observed.
“Yeah. My cover was blown. I ended up in a shootout and got worked over by Mitchell Carter and his henchmen.”
“Mitchell Carter?”
“Yeah, he’s the ring leader.”
“He’s also a former CIA operative and he has been linked to Director Vance on several occasions.”
“Guess that explains how he knew Vance,” Tony mused.
“What do you mean?”
“Before I ended up on the receiving end of Carter’s hospitality, he said something about Vance being right.”
“Right about what?”
“Me, I guess.”
Mason held up the flash drive. “We’re going to take this and examine it. We’ll be in touch.”
“What about Vance and Davenport?” Tony wanted to know.
“Once we review the file, we will question them as well. Until then, do not discuss this interview with anyone.” The agent closed Tony’s record. “It would have been helpful to have someone or something to back up your claims of blackmail.”
“Agent McGee can help with you that,” Gibbs interjected. “He’s gone through some of Tony’s emails and there are a few that can be used to back up what he’s saying.”
Tony stared at Gibbs in shock. Most of the emails contained tidbits of information about the different operations he had been on; he knew that there was nothing in the emails that could be considered as proof that he was being blackmail. The emails between him, Vance, and Davenport had been encrypted upon the Director’s insistence. He inwardly shuddered at the thought of Probie sifting through some of his emails, but if it helped him prove his case, then he would have to learn to live with it.
Agents Mason and Kincaid turned to leave. “By the way,” Tony called out. “When you see the name DiNozzo on that file, it isn’t me. It’s my father.”
The two men left without another word, leaving him and Gibbs alone. Tony laid his head back against the pillow, wondering if what he had just subjected himself to would be enough to condemn those who had caused him nothing but pain.
He followed Gibbs with weary eyes as the team leader sat down on the bed. “Tony?”
“Yeah, Boss?”
“You did good.”
“I don’t know, Boss. I’m not sure they believe me.”
“The files will back up everything you said and so will those emails between you and Vance. It’ll be okay. Besides, who says that McGee has been working on your emails?”
“Boss, I don’t want him to get into any trouble. I’m not worth it.”
“I said everything would be all right,” Gibbs firmly repeated.
“You say that like you believe it.”
“I do and you should believe it, too.”
Tony shook his head. “I don’t know what to believe anymore. I just want this to be over.”
“I know you do.”
“Do you think it’ll ever be over? If everything goes according to plan and I end up coming back to NCIS, it’s going to be weird. I mean, you know what happened the last time I took a bad cop down; if you hadn’t come along with that job offer, I probably would’ve been pushing up daisies.”
“We’re you’re friends, DiNozzo,” Gibbs reminded him. “Friends don’t turn their backs on each other. You did the right thing by blowing the whistle and yeah, there may be some whispers, but deep down, those people will probably have to admit that they’re a little jealous of the fact that you had the guts to right a wrong.”
Tony’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “You’re getting too mushy on me, Gibbs. I’m not used to so many words coming out your mouth at one time,” he tiredly quipped. “You’re going to ruin your image of being a functional mute.”
Gibbs pushed the button to lower the head of his bed and then pulled his blanket up to his chest. “You better enjoy it while you can, DiNozzo,” he replied. “Once you’re out of this hospital, I intend to collect on the head slaps that I owe you.”
Tony closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax, knowing Gibbs had his six. Before he drifted off to sleep, he grabbed on to the team leader’s forearm and mumbled, “I’m looking forward to it, Boss.”
Chapter End Notes:
Hope this post has been worth the wait. For some reason it was a hard chapter to write, but I hope that it satisfies all of the followers of this story.