Leon Vance couldn’t help but wonder how much longer he would hold the title Director of NCIS. Hard work, determination, and the willingness to take a risk when necessary had allowed him to rise through the ranks quickly; now, thanks to Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, he was about to lose everything. He recalled how after Jenny Shepard’s death, the Director’s chair had been pulled out for him with specific instructions to get his house in order. He had tried and he had failed. If only he could have kept DiNozzo assigned to a carrier, he wouldn’t be sitting in Jackson Gibbs’ living room, worrying about his future.
The last few hours had been exhausting. He had been forced to endure a barrage of questions as Greg Kincaid from Internal Affairs interviewed him; actually it had felt like a hard core interrogation reminiscent of the many he had conducted himself over the years. There had been allegations that he had abused his authority as Director, not only within the agency, but outside as well. He had tried to refute the accusations, but was finally forced to acknowledge some of the charges. Vance could almost see DiNozzo holding the nails to his coffin, waiting for the opportunity to start driving them in.
He was not going down without a fight. Vance made sure that Kincaid understood that he was simply following SecNav’s order. Perhaps he was taking the cowardly way out, but there was too much at stake.
Fortunately, the questioning had been cut short when Kincaid had received what appeared to be an unexpected phone call. After just a minute, the young man began to quickly pack up everything, informing the Director that he would have to finish the interview at a later time. Vance had a feeling that the phone call that Kincaid had received was not necessarily good news.
His thoughts were interrupted the sound of shuffling footsteps. Vance immediately recognized the gait as belonging to none other than Jackson Gibbs. This man was becoming as much of a thorn in his side as his son. There was no doubt in his mind that Jethro Gibbs inherited his ability to irritate him to no end from his father. Vance acknowledged the other man’s presence with a nod and a forced smile as Jack set a plate and glass of tea on the coffee table in front of him.
“Thought you might be hungry,” Jack said. “Hope you like grilled ham and cheese.”
“It’s fine,” he assured the older man. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
The Director took a bite of his sandwich in hopes that Jackson would leave him alone, but those hopes were dashed when the elder Gibbs sat down in a nearby chair. He felt those familiar, piercing blue eyes watching him, studying him as if he were some exhibit at a museum. Evidently Jethro had also learned his infamous glare from his father as well.
“Did you need something, Mr. Gibbs?” he asked.
“Just thought I’d keep you company. Ziva and Tim are minding the store.”
“You have my agents watching your store?”
“They volunteered and the way things are looking, they won’t be your agents for much longer,” Jack pointed out.
“And what makes you think that?”
“These walls are pretty thin.”
“You were eavesdropping?”
Jack grinned. “No, I was stocking the shelves next to the door there and you and Mr. Kincaid were talking rather loudly.”
Vance took another bite of his sandwich. He wasn’t in the mood to indulge in a battle of wits with Jackson Gibbs. The Director had too much on his mind and the intrusion on his privacy was unwelcome. At least when David and McGee were in here, they didn’t try and strike up a conversation; they were content to talk with each other, leaving him alone with his thoughts.
“You know, Leon,” Jack said. “You don’t mind if I call you Leon, do you?”
“Not at all,” he sighed. He knew that Jack Gibbs knew that he was going to do whatever he wanted to do.
“I was just thinking,” the white haired man continued. “It must be mighty satisfying to sit in that big, fancy office and play God with other people’s lives.”
The Director placed his sandwich back on the plate and met Jack’s steely gaze. “Did you just come in here to try and start an argument with me? I don’t have to answer to you, Mr. Gibbs.”
“No, but you have to answer to somebody. But of course, that somebody you answer to is in it as deep as you are. Where does it end, Leon? Where does all the lying and the deceitfulness end?”
Vance clenched his jaw, an action that aggravated the dull throbbing in his head. “Mr. Gibbs, I…”
“I’ll tell you where it ends, Leon,” Jack blurted out. “It ends when someone gets hurt or dies. This time, it’s Tony who’s been hurt; next time, it could be someone you care about. You have a lot to lose, Leon. I just wonder if putting Tony through all the hell you put him through was worth losing everything you have.”
Vance pushed the unfinished sandwich and tea back from him. “Thank you for the sandwich,” he coolly stated.
“You didn’t finish it.”
“I’m no longer hungry.”
Jack shrugged and took the plate and glass. “Suit yourself. I’ll send Ziva and Tim back in when they’re done pricing the new inventory.”
“They don’t work for you,” he forcibly repeated.
“Don’t worry, I’m not paying them. They’re just doing it because they want to help out an old man. It’s called being neighborly; you ought to give it a try.”
Leon Vance was fuming as he watched Jack head back into the store. That man was almost as infuriating as his son; truly Jethro Gibbs was a chip off the old block. His thoughts turned to his own family. If the allegations made against him were found to be true, it would destroy his family. Jackie loved him, but he wasn’t sure that his marriage could survive the betrayal. His children would be devastated to know that their father had lied to them after all his lectures on the importance of honesty.
Jackson Gibbs was right. He had a lot to lose, but the lure of power had blinded him to the reality of the price he would have to pay. Vance cradled his head in his hands, silently cursing himself for his ignorance. How could he have been so foolish? How could he have been so willing to throw everything away? How could he have been willing to sacrifice an innocent man to cover up his mistakes?
Vance heard someone enter the room. Looking up, he saw McGee standing in the doorway, staring at him with a confused expression etched on his face. “Director? Is something wrong?” the young agent reluctantly inquired.
“I need to use your phone,” requested the Director.
“Um…I’m not sure that I can…”
“I need to call my wife.”
McGee must have sensed something different in his demeanor because the agent simply nodded and handed him his cell phone. “Thank you, Agent McGee.”
“You’re welcome, Director.”
“May I have some privacy?”
He waited for McGee to decide what to do. After a few seconds of contemplation, McGee stepped back through the doorway to the store, leaving the Director alone to make his phone call.
Vance dialed the number he knew by heart and waited for Jackie to answer. There was so much that he needed to say, but yet, there was very little he could say until after the investigation. He started to hang up on the third ring when he heard her voice.
“Hello?”
“Jackie,” he softly replied. He loved the sound of her name as it escaped from his lips.
“Leon? Hi baby!” she exclaimed. “Are you still in Stillwater?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, how much longer are you going to be?”
“I don’t know.” This was going to be harder than he thought. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. The most important thing in his life was his family and now he was in danger of losing them because of his arrogance and selfishness. Taking another deep breath, he summoned the strength to finish what he started. “Jackie, there’s something I need to talk to you about…”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Tony felt like he was going to be sick. His stomach was in knots and his head was pounding which only exacerbated the nausea. Gibbs had attempted to get him to eat something, but he had refused, insisting that he would just throw up. Thankfully, the team leader didn’t push the issue and the two of them continued to prepare for the arrival of Secretary Holderman. He and Gibbs had spent the better part of the last hour going over the details of the case that he had made against Vance and Davenport.
The senior field agent couldn’t help but wonder if they were wasting their time. For the Secretary of the Defense to travel from Washington to speak with him personally was an indication to him that he was going to be the sacrificial lamb led to slaughter. Despite Gibbs’ reassurances that everything was going to work out, Tony had his doubts.
Gibbs had stepped out of the room to take a phone call, leaving him alone with his thoughts. He appreciated the few moments of solitude, but the silence gave him too much time to think. His mind was weighed down by a myriad of emotions; anger, regret, worry, and even a little self pity were vying for attention. Tony wasn’t one to feel sorry for himself, but at the moment, he couldn’t resist the need to indulge in his own sorrow for a little while; or at least until Gibbs came back.
He barely had the chance to wallow in his pit of despair before Gibbs stealthily reappeared. Tony easily sensed the team leader’s anger, meaning that the phone call that Gibbs had received was more than likely bad news. He wasn’t for sure if things could get any worse, but judging by the soured expression on the former Marine’s face, fate had conspired against him and his current situation was now on the verge of becoming disastrous. Now he understood how the captain of the Titanic must have felt.
“You going to give it to me straight?” Tony asked, bitterness and exhaustion evident in his voice.
“Always have,” Gibbs solemnly replied. “Don’t see why I’d start beating around the bush now.”
Tony wondered if Gibbs had forgotten about the Domino fiasco; that was certainly a time when the lead agent hadn’t been willing to share information. He pushed these thoughts out of his mind, not having the energy or the desire to rehash the memories. They had moved on and where now walking the difficult path of renewed trust and friendship.
“So,” he sighed. “What’s wrong now?”
He could see a flicker of regret in Gibbs’ steely blue eyes. “Katherine Marshall was found dead,” the team leader stated. “Apparent suicide.”
DiNozzo wasn’t certain that he had heard Gibbs correctly. The woman who had saved his life and then turned around and tried to kill him was dead. The one person who could validate part of his testimony had taken her own life and now his chances of proving his case had quickly dwindled down to almost nothing.
The senior field agent wasn’t exactly sure how he was supposed to feel. Angry? Hurt? Scared? He couldn’t pinpoint a specific emotion that he was experiencing: they were all jumbled up and threatening to explode like a volcano. Tony knew he had to keep focused. He couldn’t afford to fall apart now, not when the Secretary of Defense was going to be walking through his door at any time.
“That’s pretty convenient, don’t you think?” he finally managed to ask.
“Seems that way to me.”
“Now what?”
“We wait for Holderman.”
“Is anyone looking into this…suicide?”
“Yeah. Kincaid and Mason have it under control,” Gibbs assured him.
Tony blew out a frustrated breath and gingerly massaged his temples. “Why Gibbs? She could have cut a deal, maybe even gotten away with a slap on the wrist! What kind of hold did Davenport have on her?”
Gibbs shrugged. “I don’t know, Tony. But right now, you can’t let this get you down. Too much is at stake. I would have waited to tell you, but you had a right to know.”
“I appreciate it, Gibbs.”
He laid his head back against the pillow, hoping that his headache would dissipate, but it wasn’t meant to be. The pounding only intensified as he mulled over this latest development. Katherine Marshall’s death almost had him giving in the urge to simply throw his hands up in defeat; but he wasn’t a quitter. He would not give up; Tony was determined to see this through to the end.
“Can I get you anything?” Gibbs offered.
“No. I’m fine,” he mumbled in response.
“You sure about that?”
“No, but right now I don’t have a choice.”
“I’ve got your six,” the team leader vowed.
“I know, Boss.” A tiny grin managed to escape from his lips. “I know.”
Their companionable silence was interrupted by a knock on the door. Tony turned to see Secretary Holderman enter his room, escorted by his protection detail. He swallowed hard knowing that this was the moment of truth; this was the moment when his future would be decided.
The Secretary extended his hand. “Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo; I’m Alexander Holderman, Secretary of Defense. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Tony shook his hand. “I know who you are, sir.”
“Then you know why I’m here,” Holderman assumed.
“I think so.” Tony sat up and looked Holderman square in the eye. “I think you’re here to talk me into dropping the allegations against Director Vance and Secretary Davenport.”
“No son, that’s not why I’m here.”
Tony’s eyes narrowed, the sinking feeling in his gut began to intensify. “It’s not?”
“No, it’s not.” Holderman motioned for his detail to wait outside the room. The Defense Secretary waited for Gibbs to excuse himself as well, but when the team leader didn’t move, he quickly decided it was a battle not worth fighting. When the door was closed, the Secretary turned his attention back to Tony. “I’m here to order you to drop the allegations against Director Vance and the SecNav.”
The agent was determined to remain strong in his convictions. “No sir. I can’t do that. I’ll take it as far as I need to.”
Holderman smiled. “I figured that you would say that. I had to try.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“I figured that you wouldn’t agree, but I had to at least try for the record.”
“Then why are you here?” Tony wondered.
“Because there are a few things that I need to know and a few things that you need to realize.”
Tony glance over at Gibbs, who merely nodded, silently telling DiNozzo to hear what Secretary Holderman had to say. “All right,” he conceded.
“Would you like to talk in private?” the Secretary suggested.
“No. If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather Agent Gibbs stay.”
He watched as Holderman studied the ex-Marine. Gibbs nodded a silent greeting as he remained firmly planted by Tony’s side.
“Agent Gibbs,” Holderman began. “I’ve heard a lot of good things about you.”
“Secretary Holderman,” was all Gibbs said.
Tony had always been impressed by the way Gibbs could convey so much in just one or two words. By simply stating the Secretary’s name, he had informed the man that he wouldn’t be intimidated and that he was not leaving DiNozzo alone. The tension between the two men was suffocating.
Turning his attention back to the senior agent, Tony could feel Holderman’s eyes boring into his soul. DiNozzo made sure that the walls he had erected around his emotions were still in tact as he returned the Secretary’s bemused glare.
“You’re very fortunate to work with a man like Agent Gibbs,” Holderman informed him. “He’s the best there is, but I guess you already know that. You’ve been with him for how long?”
“Eight years,” Tony answered.
“That’s commendable. I’m well aware of Gibbs’ reputation as being a difficult man to work for.”
“Are you fishing for something?” he wanted to know. “If you want to know something, just ask it.”
“Direct, are you?”
“When I have to be.”
“I’ve studied your findings as well as your allegations against Secretary Davenport and Director Vance. I want to begin by saying that I am not here to cast doubt on your findings. I’m certainly not here to tell you what to do, but to give you some other options.”
“And what are those options?” Tony coolly inquired.
Holderman pulled up a chair and sat down. “If these charges you’ve made become public knowledge, then the consequences to the political world and national security would be catastrophic.”
“I don’t care,” Tony boldly stated.
“I don’t believe that,” the Secretary challenged.
“Well, that’s you’re problem, Secretary Holderman!” he growled. “I am past caring. The past few months of my life have been pure hell and I’m ready for it to end. I’m tired of being Vance’s and Davenport’s punching bag! I’m tired of the lies and I’m tired of being the fall guy for something that I didn’t do. I was following orders and when I stumbled on something I wasn’t supposed to see, I became a target.”
Tony felt Gibbs’ strong grip on his shoulder, reminding him that the team leader was there supporting him as he continued his tirade. “I’m through wearing a target on my back and I’m through giving people a chance to hit the bull’s eye. It’s bad enough that my own agency tried to have me killed, but they involved my father and Ziva’s father in on their scheme. Being popular sure sucks!”
“Agent DiNozzo, I understand your frustration, but…”
“No!” he roared. “You have no idea what I’m feeling! I want this over with! I want my freakin’ life back!”
“That’s why I’m here, Agent DiNozzo,” Holderman attempted to reason. “To help you get your life back.”
“I’m not sweeping this under the rug.”
“Would you please just hear me out?”
“Not if you’re going to tell me that nothing is going to be done about Vance and Davenport.”
“Please, Agent DiNozzo,” the Secretary pleaded. “Just calm down and let me explain the dilemma that I am facing.”
Tony laughed. “Your dilemma? Since when did this become your dilemma?”
Holderman sat up in his chair. “It became my dilemma the moment the President told me to clean up Davenport’s mess. I’m truly on your side, Agent DiNozzo; I want to help you.”
DiNozzo pinched the bridge of his nose, his hands trembling from both rage and exhaustion. He wanted this nightmare to be over, but he wasn’t prepared to compromise his standards. Tony was at a crossroads where there was no clear path for him to tread.
“Tony?” Gibbs softly called to him. “You okay?”
“No,” he whispered. “I don’t know what to do, Boss.”
“What do you want to do?”
“Go get drunk on bourbon while I’m building a boat,” Tony tiredly quipped.
“One problem with that, DiNozzo; you don’t have a damn basement.”
“Good point.”
The brief banter between him and Gibbs was a welcome relief from the heated conversation he was having with Alexander Holderman. Forcing back another wave of nausea, Tony met the Secretary’s stern gaze. “Make your case,” he demanded. “Don’t try and sugarcoat it. Tell me what it is you want from me.”
Holderman smiled at him. “I think you’ll find what I have to offer is an adequate solution to your troubles, Agent DiNozzo.”
“I’m not promising anything,” Tony vowed. “If I don’t think that justice is being served and that you’re simply trying to placate me, I’ll take this as high as I can and if I get railroaded, I’ll take it to the press.”
“I never thought of you as the blackmailing type,” the Secretary taunted.
“You’ll be surprised what I’m capable of, Secretary Holderman.”
“I don’t think that your threats will be necessary.”
Tony glanced up at Gibbs, whose mischievous grin contradicted the glint of pride in his eye. If nothing else good came out of this day, he had moved up another rung on the team leader’s ladder of respect. He turned back to face Holderman, drawing from his inner reserves of strength. “Well, Secretary Holderman, let’s hear what you have to say…”
Part 43
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs had always been proud of his senior field agent, but at the moment, he couldn’t remember a time that he had respected Anthony DiNozzo more, admiring the young man’s courage to take a stand for what was right despite the odds being against him. He had listened to Tony as he had openly defied the Secretary of Defense, making sure that Holderman understood that he was not going to allow the indiscretions of Vance and Davenport to be ignored. Their actions had nearly cost DiNozzo his life and his mental well being and he was prepared to fight to the death if necessary to ensure that justice was done.
Gibbs wanted nothing more than to be able to take this burden from Tony. He was still carrying the guilt from ignoring the warning signs that the walls DiNozzo often hid behind were beginning to crumble. The team leader found himself wondering how many times Tony, in his own way, asked for help, only to be met with a harsh glare or a sharp retort. It used to upset the younger man when Gibbs was ‘nice’ to him, but in hindsight, maybe he should have forgone his natural instincts and offered Tony a listening ear.
He forced his mind back to the present as he continued to listen to Tony inform Secretary Holderman that he would go to the press without any hesitation, if he thought that Vance and Davenport were going to be spared. The team leader grinned at his counterpart; he truly enjoyed seeing DiNozzo at work.
“Well, Secretary Holderman, let’s hear what you have to say.” DiNozzo had thrown down the gauntlet and now the Secretary of Defense had his work cut out for him. Tony had been hurt by the people that he thought he could trust and that would not be easily forgiven.
“Very well, Agent DiNozzo,” Holderman agreed. “I like a man who gets to the point.”
“So do I,” Tony stated. “Right now, I find myself liking you less and less.”
Gibbs suppressed a smirk. Holderman was not going to be able to snowball DiNozzo, that much was for certain. If the Secretary had any hope of salvaging the purpose for his visit, he had better start talking. The team leader placed his hand on Tony’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze, reminding his senior agent that he had his six.
He saw Holderman smile at Tony, obviously appreciating the candor of the man before him. “My own friends wouldn’t talk to me like that, Agent DiNozzo.”
“I’m not your friend,” DiNozzo reminded him. “Now, say what you came to say.”
“Like I said, the President is not happy at all with what has happened; you can imagine his displeasure to learn that Secretary Davenport and Director Vance were involved in such…questionable activities.”
“Illegal,” Tony corrected. “Not just questionable. They were illegal.”
“All right,” Holderman conceded. “Illegal.”
“However, as you know, there are other political figures who are involved and to reveal their names would rock Capitol Hill and right now, our country doesn’t need that. Wouldn’t you agree, Agent DiNozzo?”
Tony visibly bristled. “Your point?”
“Like I said, the President has ordered to me take care of this and clean up the fallout that has been created from your inadvertent discovery. You and I both know that there is corruption in our government and more than likely, there will always be corruption on some level. But some of the names in that file that you have are actually good people who’ve been caught up in a scheme headed up by Davenport.”
“What about the other names on that list? The ones who weren’t caught up, but willingly laid their careers on the line for greed,” Tony pressed. “Why are you protecting them?”
“I can’t tell you that.”
“Then I’m through listening.”
Gibbs knew that Holderman had no idea how stubborn his senior agent could be, but he was about to find out. The former Marine cleared his throat, shattering the silence in the room. “Secretary Holderman, I suggest that you either come clean or as Agent DiNozzo so eloquently pointed out, this conversation is over.”
He could see the frustration etched in the Secretary’s hardened features. “All right,” Holderman sighed. “Those individuals that you referred to are needed on Capitol Hill to help lobby and pass some future bills that will affect our troops as well as our diplomatic relations with several nations. There are also several foreign dignitaries on that list, that if exposed will cause quite an uproar between governments.”
“So the President doesn’t want the whistle blown on these individuals for diplomatic reasons?”
“Agent Gibbs, I think that as a Marine, that you would understand the importance of having the support of the leaders in Washington. You have to admit that it’s easier to do your job when you know that you have that kind of backing. As for the dignitaries, they would have diplomatic immunity, but we do not need the scandal that this revelation could cause.”
The team leader glanced at DiNozzo, whose expression remained impassive. He could feel Tony’s anger boiling and knew that if Holderman didn’t soon provide him with an adequate solution, Tony would take matters into his own hands.
“Are you planning on getting to the point any time soon, Secretary Holderman?” Tony seethed.
“Of course, forgive me for digressing.”
“I’m waiting.”
“I see that you’ve inherited Agent Gibbs’ impatience.”
Holderman reached in his coat pocket and pulled out a folded document. The team leader resisted the urge to reach out and snatch it before Tony could read it; the desire to protect his senior agent at all costs threatening to take precedence over his common sense and courtesy.
“What’s this?” DiNozzo inquired.
“It’s a formal document containing everything that I’m about to tell you. If you drop the formal charges and investigation, the President is prepared to offer you the following deal,” Holderman explained. “First of all, keep in mind that the individual names in that file that you have, did not play a part in what happened to you; your quarrel is with Vance, Davenport, and…your father.”
Gibbs didn’t have to see Tony’s face to know what his reaction would be at the mere mention of his estranged father. His family was one subject that DiNozzo ever discussed, unless he had several beers under his belt, but even then the conversation was guarded.
“My father?”
“We know about your relationship with your father and that he placed the contract on your head. We have spoken with Eli David and he has agreed to remove the contract to spare any hard feelings between Mossad and the U.S. Despite what you think, he can be a reasonable man, unlike your father.”
“So how much did old Eli’s allegiance cost?”
“That isn’t any of your concern. The point is that you’re no longer a wanted man. Now, let’s talk about your father, shall we?”
Tony shrugged. “The man who gave his sperm to my mom is a complete ass; that’s pretty much all you need to know.”
“Wouldn’t you like to see him pay for the hell he’s put you through?”
Gibbs resisted the urge to answer for Tony. The ex-Marine had no qualms about seeing DiNozzo Sr., suffer for the pain that he had caused the young man over the years.
“What did you have in mind?” Tony finally asked.
“We have a good case for fraud as well as attempted murder on a federal agent that we could charge him with and I guarantee that the charges would stick. He’d be facing quite a lengthy prison term.”
The former Marine watched Tony unfold the document. “What else you got?” the dark haired agent wanted to know.
“Davenport will resign his post as will Vance. They both will be brought up on charges of conspiracy in the attempted murder of a federal agent as well as misuse of federal power.”
“So all of them would be in jail?”
“For a very long time,” Holderman assured him. “It’s your opportunity to make them pay for what they did to you.”
“All I have to do is forget about the names in the file.”
“Yes. That document you have is a revision of your statement, naming Davenport, Vance, and your father as the sole offenders in this case. Once you sign that, it will only be a matter of logistics on our part.”
Gibbs gave his shoulder another squeeze as Tony laid the paper next to him and cradled his head. “I need a little while to think,” DiNozzo quietly stated.
“Why?” Holderman demanded to know. “I’m offering you a chance to get the bastards who put you here and you have to think about it. What kind of game are you playing?”
The team leader stepped forward. “You heard him.”
He could see Holderman’s tightly clenched jaw as the Secretary struggled to keep a rein on his temper. “I need an answer soon.”
“I’ll give you one in two hours,” Tony growled.
“That is…” Holderman was silenced by Gibbs’ harsh glare. “That will be acceptable. I will be around if you come to your decision sooner.”
“One question,” Gibbs interjected.
“And that is?”
“Are you able to guarantee Tony’s safety? How do you know the corruption stops at SecNav?”
“We don’t. It’s just a chance that we’re going to have to take.”
“Not good enough,” he growled.
“Sorry. That’s all can give you.”
“Like I said, it’s not good enough. You better figure something out!”
He looked down to see Tony’s hand on his arm. “You’ve got my six, Gibbs. That’s all I need,” Tony asserted.
Gibbs decided not to press the issue at the moment; he would make sure that Tony’s safety was taken into consideration before any deal was signed. “I think my agent would like some privacy,” he insisted.
“Very well,” the Secretary conceded. “I’ll be around.”
As soon as Holderman had left, he turned his attention to Tony. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Uh, Boss?”
The uncertainty in DiNozzo’s voice set off a string of alarms in his mind. Tony had been so sure and so confident before his conversation with Secretary Holderman and now, that certianty was gone.
“What is it, Tony?”
“I’d like to be alone.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I just need to think.”
“Tony, you know whatever you decide, I will back you one hundred percent.”
The senior field agent nodded. “I know, Gibbs. Please, just give me a few minutes.”
Gibbs could not refuse him his request; he had to respect Tony’s wishes. “All right. Take your time.”
“I will. I just…” Tony closed his eyes. “I will. Thanks Boss.”
The former Marine nodded and headed towards the door. As much as he wanted to be there with DiNozzo, Gibbs knew that this was a decision that Tony was going to have to make and be able to live with the rest of his life. Now, it was up to Gibbs to ensure that his son would be safe and have the luxury of longevity.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Despite Gibbs’ promise to support his decision, Tony DiNozzo had never felt so alone. He was having trouble pinpointing the various emotions that were vying for a place in his mind. Relief, uncertainty, self-loathing, anger and sadness were assaulting him like waves on the sand. He wanted this nightmare to be over and now that he had an opportunity to be done with this chapter of his life, he found himself reluctant. Was he compromising his standards by allowing certain aspects of this situation to be swept under the rug?
He didn’t care what happened to his dad; as far as he was concerned, Vincent DiNozzo could simply rot in hell. The man had hated his very existence and Tony had to admit that the feelings were mutual. He supposed that he should feel some remorse for his father, but years of hatred had hardened his heart towards the man who should have loved and protected him all these years.
Tony really had no doubts about Secretary Davenport. The man was crooked and had been allowed to use his office as a strong arm for illegal activities and now, with a stroke of pen, he would be removed from power, forced to live a life that would be beneath all he had ever known.
Surprisingly, the person he was having the most difficult time deciding to send to prison was Director Leon Vance. This was a man who had caused him nothing but grief, but this was a man who had a family. He had only met his family once, but it was evident that the love between them was real. How could he take away Kayla and Jared’s father? But then again, shouldn’t the punishment fit the crime?
He was also plagued by the feeling that he was betraying himself by even considering a compromise. There was too much at stake, and if Holderman was telling the truth, including the welfare of many American soldiers. Although Tony had never served, his connection with Gibbs had provided him with more of an insight into the character of the men and women who served their country. That was the main reason that he had asked to be alone; he need to think without the influence of the former Marine.
Tony needed a sounding board, someone who would help him sort through his jumbled thoughts. He raked his hand through his hair in a symbolic effort to clear the cobwebs from his mind. His was momentarily distracted from his musings when his hand hit something hard. Looking down, he wrapped his hand around Gibbs’ cell phone.
A tired grin spread across his face. “First break I’ve had in months.”
Scrolling through Gibbs’ limited contacts, Tony found the name he was looking for; he need someone objective who would be able to help him stay focused as he weighed his options. He pushed the button that would call the one man he respected as much as Gibbs.
After two rings, Jackson Gibbs answered his phone. “Hello?”
DiNozzo paused a split second as a twinge of guilt surged through him; he should be talking to Gibbs about this, but instead he was seeking the wisdom of the team leader’s father. He managed to tamp down his feelings of uncertainty, knowing Jackson would want to help him. “Jack? It’s Tony.”
“It’s good to hear your voice, son,” the elder Gibbs replied. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” he lied. “I’m fine. Well, maybe not fine. I was just wondering if you had a few minutes to spare. I guess I need a voice of reason.”
“Where’s Leroy?”
“He’s too close to this,” Tony explained. “I just need a fresh pair of eyes; maybe you’ll see something I’m missing.”
“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
“You don’t have to come to the hospital; we could just talk…”
“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” Jack repeated. “Besides, I have to fill you in on Maude and her cat.”
Tony laughed. He had to admit that there had been several times when he had found himself wondering about the old lady and her inebriated feline; those random thoughts had kept him from losing his mind. “All right,” he conceded. “See you in a few minutes.”
As he hit the button to end the call, Gibbs entered his room. “I’m not staying,” the team leader informed him. “I left my…”
Holding out the phone, DiNozzo winced as Gibbs took it from him. The last time he had touched Gibbs cell phone, he had promised to break his fingers. “I just made a quick local call.”
Gibbs took the phone, glancing at it right before he slipped it in his pocket. “My dad?”
Tony felt his cheeks flush. He hoped that Gibbs didn’t push the issue as to why he had called his father. The senior agent didn’t want to further exacerbate the guilt he was feeling about not seeking help from the former Marine.
“Yeah, I called your dad,” Tony admitted. “I just got to thinking about Maude and her cat and then I thought that maybe your dad had heard something and…”
“You don’t owe me an explanation, DiNozzo,” Gibbs assured him. “I understand.”
“You do?
Gibbs nodded. “I do.”
Relieved, Tony laid his head back against the pillow. “Thanks, Boss,” were the only words he could think of to say. He was amazed at the depth of Gibbs perception, especially when it came to emotional situations. Apparently, Anthony DiNozzo wasn’t the only one who hid behind a mask.
The ex-Marine turned to leave. “Any time, DiNozzo. Any time.”
“Gibbs,” Tony called out to him. “It’s nothing personal.”
The team leader smiled at him. Tony felt as if a little of the weight he’d been carrying had been lifted from his shoulders. “I know,” Gibbs softly answered. “I’ll send my dad on in when he gets here.”
“Thanks, Boss. For everything,” he added.
Tony waited until Gibbs was out of earshot before he blew out a pent up breath. If only he could put this nightmare behind him and move on. If Vance and Davenport went to prison because of his testimony, he would be a marked man. He knew from experience what happened when cops ratted out other cops. Maybe NCIS would be different from Baltimore, but he was certain that there would always be a few rouges lurking in the shadows, waiting for the opportunity to strike. It may not be within the D.C. office, but somewhere along the way, he figured that Vance and Davenport had earned someone’s loyalty.
He had survived once before and he supposed he could do it again; but was surviving worth the fight? Tony didn’t know any more, but one thing was for certain, he had to make a decision and he had to make it soon or everything that he had endured would have been for nothing.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Jackson Gibbs had made it to the hospital in record time; Tony needed him and he was determined to be there for the young man who had come to mean a great deal to him. Tony DiNozzo had easily earned a special place in the older man’s heart; the space that only the love of a grandchild could fill.
Rounding the corner, he saw Jethro standing at the end of the corridor. “Hello, son,” he greeted.
“Dad.”
“I’m here to see…”
“Tony,” Jethro finished. “I know.”
“You okay with that?”
“Yeah. Have to be. Just take care of him,” Jethro all but pleaded, his eyes reflecting the worry that was consuming him.
The elder Gibbs patted his son on the back. Leroy still carried a great deal of guilt for everything that had happened to Tony. It was agonizing for Jackson to see his child hurting, knowing he could do nothing to ease his pain. “I will, Leroy. I promise.”
Jack could feel Jethro’s eyes boring into him as he headed towards Tony’s room. He didn’t dare look back, certain that if he did, he would have insisted that he join him as he talked to the young agent. If he saw himself as Tony’s grandfather, then, Leroy definitely filled the role of Tony’s father.
He gently rapped on the door and then slipped into the room. The sight that greeted him worried him. Tony was pale and exhaustion clouded his usually handsome features. A haunted expression had taken up permanent residence in his eyes and his demeanor was uncharacteristically subdued. “Hello there,” the elder Gibbs said, quietly announcing his presence.
Tony nodded a silent welcome and motioned for him to come in. “Thanks for coming, Jack,” the young man quietly stated.
“You’re welcome,” he replied as he stood next to Tony’s bed. “How’re you feeling?”
“Physically? Not too bad. Everything else is pretty much a huge mess.”
“Can I get you anything?”
“No, I’m just glad you’re here. I hope you know how much I appreciate this. I know it kind of puts you in an awkward position with Gibbs, I mean Jethro, but…”
“Jethro understands more than you think he does.” Jack poured a glass of water and handed it to Tony. “That son of mine is pretty intuitive.”
“Yes, he is,” Tony agreed as he willingly accepted the cup, nodding his thanks.
Jack finally sat down in the chair next to him, a small grunt escaping from his lips. Sometimes he wondered how people grew old gracefully; some days, he was lucky to be able to put one foot in front of the other. Sitting back in the chair, he studied the young man before him. Tony looked older than his years and that scared Jack. He could recall Jethro wearing the same expression on his face after he had buried Shannon and Kelly.
“So, you want to hear the latest on Maude and her cat?” Jack hoped that he could put Tony at ease by talking about something irrelevant.
Tony sat down the cup of water. “I’ve been waiting to hear what happened.”
“Well, the drunk and disorderly charges were dropped on the condition that Maude destroyed her still. Apparently, nobody wants to take an 85 year old woman to trial.”
“So did she?”
“Yeah, but knowing old Maude, she’s got another one in the works. She keeps one going for medicinal purposes. Anyway, Maude and the cat have to put some community time in as well at the new youth center that just opened.”
“Tell me, Jack. You use any of Maude’s medicine?”
Jack couldn’t help but grin. “It’s really good for my bursitis.”
“I bet it is! Gibbs know about this?”
“Nope, and he’s not going to.”
“You’re secret’s safe with me.”
“I knew I could count on you.”
Tony’s smile faded and Jack knew that he had hit a nerve. “You okay?”
“I don’t know what to do,” Tony finally admitted.
“What do you mean?”
He listened as Tony began to recount what Secretary Holderman had offered him in exchange for his silence. Jack knew that above all, Tony had wanted Davenport and Vance to be held accountable for everything they had done to him, but the senior agent was truly worried about the consequences for him and the other members of his team after all was said and done. Jack wasn’t surprised to hear of Tony’s reluctance to put Vance away for life, stating that he wasn’t sure he could stand the thought of those children growing up without a father.
The conversation shifted to the other names on that list that he was supposed to ignore. They were as crooked as the Director and SecNav, but if he were to expose them, the effects would be felt not only by the military, but by the country as well. But would his sacrifice be enough? Would he be able to look himself in the mirror, knowing that he had compromised his belief not only in himself, but in his government as well?
Jack reached out and squeezed Tony’s arm. “You’ve got yourself in a tough position, son.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” DiNozzo sighed.
“What’s your gut telling you?”
Tony laughed. “My gut? I quit listening to my gut a long time ago, Jack.”
Jack smiled. “Maybe that’s the problem,” he pointed out. “You’ve stopped trusting in yourself. It’s one thing to lose trust in other people, but when you lose trust in yourself, that’s when things get really complicated.”
“Sounds like you know this from experience.”
“Believe me, I do.”
“How did you get it back?”
Jack shook his head. “That’s a story for another time.”
He watched as Tony’s gaze became fixed on the ceiling, the uncertainty of the future hanging over him like a dark cloud. Jack wished he could take the young man in his arms as a father would a son, but he knew that Tony didn’t accept demonstrations of affection well; Jackson Gibbs wondered what kind of man would never hug his son.
“I’m still thinking about staying on for a while,” Tony told him.
“My door is always open.”
Tony extended his hand. “Thanks, Jack.”
Jack grasped it, firmly enclosing it in his own calloused hands. “Any time, Tony; but I didn’t do anything.”
“Yes, you did.”
“I’m not sure what I did, but I’m glad I could help.”
“You’ve been a big help. I guess I just needed a little help finding my way home, kind of like E.T. What a classic movie! Did you ever see it?”
Jackson softly chuckled. DiNozzo and his ability to equate almost anything in life to a movie was something that had taken the elder Gibbs a while to get use to, but now he understood why Tony constantly relied on them. It was his way of expressing what he was thinking and feeling and only those who dared to really listen to what he was trying to say could appreciate the depth of Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo.
“No, but I’ll make sure to rent it while you’re staying with me.”
“You’ll love it. I can’t believe that you’ve never seen it.”
Jack’s eyes twinkled with amusement. “Do you need anything else?”
Tony’s smile disappeared once again as his stoic mask fell back in place. “I need my doctor and I need to talk to Gibbs.”
“Which one do you want first?”
“Gibbs.”
“All right. You stay put,” Jack instructed.
He rose from his seat and leaned over Tony and placed a kiss on the top of his head. “I used to do that for Kelly when she was young and would skin her knee or something; she said it always made her feel better. I don’t know if that was true or not, but it always seemed to help. You’re the closest thing I’ll ever have to a grandchild, I…I just wanted you to know that.”
Jack was surprised at the tears welling up in Tony’s eyes. The agent quickly wiped at his eyes and looked away. Not wanting to embarrass DiNozzo further, Jackson headed towards the door. Tony would need a few minutes to pull himself together, which would give him just enough time to have a few words with Jethro.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Gibbs glanced at his watch for the third time in ten minutes. Several times, he had been tempted to stand outside Tony’s room and eavesdrop on his father’s conversation with Tony. He had to admit to himself that he had been jealous of the fact that DiNozzo had called his dad, but he managed to quell that envy when he realized that Tony was doing what he thought he needed to do. The team leader had always trusted Tony’s judgment; he wouldn’t start doubting his senior agent now.
Holderman would be back in an hour, expecting an answer and Gibbs wanted to know what that answer was going to be before then. He hoped that his dad understood the urgency of the situation and wouldn’t spend time just talking about Maude and her damned cat; of course, maybe a distraction was what Tony needed. It was then Gibbs realized that he wasn’t sure what DiNozzo needed anymore; somewhere along the way, he had lost the ability to give Tony the assurance and the confidence that had been shredded because of Vance and Davenport.
He leaned against the door frame of the waiting area, watching Tony’s room as he waited for his father to come out. Gibbs knew he could be standing a long time, but it was better than pacing and this way, he could keep an eye on things. Even if Tony put Vance and Davenport behind bars, there was a chance that DiNozzo would always have to look over his shoulder, but Gibbs vowed to have his six and that was one promise that he would not break.
Gibbs stood to his full height when he saw his father coming towards him. The solemn expression that his father wore made his gut churn. It was the same expression that his dad wore right before he took him to the woodshed; he couldn’t help but wonder if they were headed to that woodshed once again.
“How’s Tony?” were the first words he uttered, his concern for DiNozzo utmost on his mind.
“He’s fine,” Jack assured him. “That boy’s got a heavy load he’s trying to carry.”
“I know.”
“Likes to try and carry it himself.”
“I know that too.”
“Just like someone else I know.”
He glared at his father as the meaning of the older man’s words sunk in. “So, what did you tell him?”
“Told him to trust his gut,” Jack answered.
“That’s it?”
“Pretty much. He doesn’t trust himself anymore. Whatever he decides, you have to support him; you have to show him that you trust him to make the right decision.”
“I do trust him.”
“Make sure he knows that.”
Jackson Gibbs was a far more complex man than what many people believed him to be. He had experienced a lot in his life time and he was willing to share those experiences with those who would listen. The ex-Marine could help but wonder if he should have listened more while he was growing up; perhaps things would have been different between them and they wouldn’t have lost so much time that could never be reclaimed.
“I will,” Gibbs vowed.
Apparently satisfied with the sincerity of his promise, his father patted him on the back and headed towards the nurse’s station. “What are you doing, Dad?”
“Tony wants to see his doctor.”
“Something wrong?”
“Nope. I just think he’s ready to get out of here.”
“No, he’s not,” the team leader argued. “He’s…”
“Thought you were going to trust him,” Jack reminded him.
“This is his health we’re talking about, Dad. Tony’s got a habit of…”
His father’s glare silenced him. Gibbs took a step back and nodded, finally understanding what his dad was trying to tell him. “I’m going to see Tony.”
“You do that, son.”
Gibbs headed towards Tony’s room. He paused outside the door, unsure of why he was reluctant to enter. The team leader had always exuded confidence, even if he didn’t feel it inside, but now, he was nervous as the thought of facing DiNozzo. He was going to have to help Tony learn to trust himself again and that was not a lesson easily taught or learned.
Chapter End Notes:
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