Ziva glanced back over her shoulder, studying her partner as he feigned sleep. Tony had asked her to tell the nurse that he needed some pain medicine, but she knew his request was partially a ploy to get rid of her so he could have a few minutes of solitude. She could easily sense his inner turmoil, knowing that he was trying to handle everything that had happened in typical DiNozzo fashion, but his underlying pain was crying out for relief. It was the way that he had sought that relief that was bothering her. After she had discovered that Tony had purposefully hurt himself because he so desperately wanted to feel something, her own feeling of helplessness had almost consumed her.
Her desire to help Tony was overwhelming. She knew she had to something, but for the first time in her life, she wasn’t sure what to do and she hated that feeling of indecisiveness. Ziva blew out a pent up breath and walked past the guard that had been posted outside of Tony’s room as she headed towards the nurse’s station. She knew that Dr. Winesett did not approve of the guard and hoped that it was only a matter of time until the doctor rectified the situation. Once Tony was fully cognizant of everything that had happened, the knowledge that he was being guarded would only add to his stress.
She leaned on the counter top, patiently waiting for the nurse to finish conversing with a doctor so she could request Tony’s pain medication. A familiar presence quietly appeared beside her. Easily recognizing the scent of sawdust and coffee, she greeted the team leader in a hushed tone. “Gibbs.”
“How’s Tony?” he asked, handing her a cup of coffee.
Ziva wasn’t surprised that the first words out of his mouth were concern for the senior field agent. Even before she became an official member of the team, she had noticed a special connection between Gibbs and DiNozzo. She wasn’t sure if the bond that they shared was that of mentor and apprentice, siblings, or father and son; although she did lean towards the latter. The one thing that was clearly obvious was the fact that Tony and Gibbs had each other’s back.
“His uh…shoulder is hurting him,” she replied. “He asked me to see if he could have something for pain.”
“DiNozzo asked for a pain killer?”
“Yes. I’m sure his shoulder is causing him some discomfort, but personally I think that he wanted to be alone.”
Gibbs took a sip of his coffee. “Sounds about right.”
She nodded in agreement, taking a drink of her own coffee. There was no doubt that Gibbs was an expert in DiNozzo avoidance techniques and she was on the fast track to becoming one as well. Both of them knew that Tony was using the time alone to put the mask that he constantly wore back in place so no one could see his true pain.
“He wants us to believe that he is fine, but he obviously is not,” she stated.
“No, he’s not,” the team leader agreed.
“Being in a wheelchair is going to be difficult for him to accept and it will be even harder on him if he does not let his friends help him.”
“It’s always been hard for Tony to ask for help.”
“But why?”
Gibbs merely shrugged as he continued to stare straight ahead. Ziva silently chastised herself. She should have known that Gibbs was not going to reveal any of Tony’s secrets. There was a part of DiNozzo’s life that he managed to keep behind a veil and Gibbs had been the only one that had ever been allowed to catch a glimpse of the real Anthony DiNozzo.
Knowing that she wouldn’t get an answer, she decided to broach another subject. “So, how did your interview go with Internal Affairs?”
“About like I figured it would.”
“What do you mean? Do you think they will rule it as an accidental shooting?”
“I don’t know, Ziva.”
“What did you tell them?”
“I can’t discuss it.”
“I received a message on my cell phone that my interview is tomorrow morning at 9. I’m certainly not looking forward to it.”
“Just tell the truth.”
Ziva stared at the former Marine. “And what is the truth, Gibbs? I know that you would never intentionally hurt Tony, but could all this have been avoided?”
“You worked the crime scene; you know what Abby found when she processed the evidence. What do you think?”
Ziva thought for a moment. She wasn’t sure how to answer that question or even if she wanted to. There was no doubt that Gibbs had been very focused on this case to the point that she had questioned his judgment, but she had not confronted him as Tony had dared to; maybe if she had, none of this would have happened.
“I don’t know,” she finally admitted. “Maybe if things had been handled differently, then…”
“Tony would still be able to walk,” he finished.
“That is not what I meant.”
“I know,” he conceded. “But it’s true.”
The Mossad officer knew that Gibbs’ guilt ran deep, but until now, she had no idea how bottomless the pit of his despair actually was. Now it was clear to her that this was a father agonizing over what had happened to his son. “Gibbs, I…”
“Just tell the truth, Ziva,” he repeated. “That’s all you can do.”
Their conversation was interrupted as the nurse approached them and asked them if they needed anything. As Ziva informed her of Tony’s request for more pain medication, she managed to keep a watchful eye on the team leader. Satisfied that her partner’s needs were being met, she turned her undivided attention back to Gibbs.
“Have you been granted permission to see Tony?” she inquired.
“Not technically. The IA investigator wants me to stay clear, but I can’t do it. I know DiNozzo and he’s lying in that room, thinking that he somehow screwed up and I can’t let him continue to do that. He’s got to know the truth.”
“So, you’re going to tell him that you shot him?” Ziva wasn’t sure that telling Tony the truth right now was a good idea. The senior agent was having enough trouble accepting the fact that he could no longer walk without finding out that he was shot by the one man who meant the world to him.
“Yeah,” Gibbs sighed in frustration. “I have to.”
“Perhaps you should wait,” she suggested.
“I’ve known Tony a long time and I know how he thinks. What happened is not his fault and until he knows the truth, he’ll continue to bear a burden that isn’t his.”
Although the former Marine had a valid point, Ziva still was uncomfortable with the timing of everything. “How do you plan on getting in to see him? You do not have your escorts,” she pointed out.
“I lost them about an hour ago.”
“How are you going to get past the guard?”
Gibbs looked at the guard standing outside of Tony’s door. “It won’t be a problem.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Go on home and get some rest,” Gibbs instructed. “You’ve got a big day tomorrow.”
“You did not answer my question.”
“No, I didn’t. Good night, Ziva.”
She watched Gibbs as he walked away from her and towards the guard. Ziva was prepared for a confrontation, but the agent who was guarding Tony’s room merely nodded at the team leader as he entered DiNozzo’s room. She stood firmly planted in place, uncertain of what had just happened. The agent was young and most of the younger men and women were easily intimidated by Gibbs, but the team leader had not even graced the guard with his infamous glare.
Ziva walked towards the guard, who was now smiling at her. “Um, excuse me,” she said. “Can I ask you something Agent…”
“Watts. Danny Watts,” he introduced himself.
“Agent Watts, I was wondering why you allowed Agent Gibbs into Tony’s room. I’m sure that you were given strict orders not to, so why are you disobeying a direct order?”
“Agent Gibbs and my father served together in Kuwait and he saved my father’s life. He brought my father home alive and I swore that if there was some way I could repay him that I would,” he began to explain. “I’ve been working as an agent for a year or so and when I ended up pulling guard duty for one of Agent Gibbs’ team, I figured something was going on. My supervisor explained the situation, but I knew that there had to be an explanation. I uh…let Agent Gibbs know when I would be on duty.”
“You could get in a lot of trouble for doing this,” she pointed out.
“I’m not going to tell, are you?”
“No, but what if someone figures it out?”
“Agent Gibbs said he would handle it.”
Ziva nodded. “All right. Well, good night then.”
“Good night.”
Ziva stepped just inside the door and grabbed her bag. Gibbs was standing at the foot of Tony’s bed, staring at the young man, who was now lightly dozing. Two lives utterly destroyed in one split second; was there anyway that they would be able to rebuild the trust that was about to be shattered?
Slinging her bag over her shoulder, she made her way down the hall towards the elevator. Tomorrow she would be questioned about Tony’s shooting and she would be expected to answer truthfully. Depending on the questions that were asked and the answers that she would be forced to provide, she could possibly end the career of the team leader. She was suddenly grateful that she was going to be able to go home; she had to prepare for tomorrow. Ziva had been trained to withstand interrogations under the direst of circumstances; perhaps it was time to call upon some of her former training.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
His senses were immediately on edge; he was definitely being watched. Although Tony had finally managed to drift off for a few minutes, he was instantly awakened upon the realization that he wasn’t alone. He had to blink several times to bring the image hovering at the foot of his bed into focus. Gibbs. Tony allowed a small grin to escape his lips; he should have known that the team leader would find some way to see him.
“Where’s your baby sitters?” he slurred, feeling the effects of the pain medicine that the nurse had given him just a few minutes earlier.
“Ditched them in Georgetown,” Gibbs replied.
“Took the long way back, huh?’
“Yep.”
“What about the guard?”
“Pays to have connections.”
“Jenny?” Tony teased.
“Hardly,” the team leader huffed. “Believe it or not, there are still some people that want to do the right thing.”
“Be sure to thank him for me.”
“I will,” Gibbs promised.
Tony couldn’t shake the feeling that something was definitely bothering the team leader. There was an uncertainty in the eyes of the former Marine that completely unnerved him. He had worked with Gibbs long enough that he knew the older man’s moods all too well and it was clearly obvious that his mentor was upset. Tony couldn’t help but wonder if Gibbs was here to tell him that he had been fired.
“So, what’s up, Boss?” Tony asked, his need to know the truth outweighing the apprehension that he was experiencing.
“Sometimes you’re too perceptive, DiNozzo,” Gibbs grunted as he took the seat that recently been occupied by Ziva.
“I learned from the best.”
Gibbs was silent. Tony had always been uneasy with complete stillness, usually shattering the quietness of any moment with some off-handed comment or movie reference.
“No,” Gibbs softly disagreed. “You’ve always had that ability. The first time we met, it took you all of two seconds to figure out what the second ‘b’ stood for.”
“It wasn’t that hard,” Tony quipped.
“I guess not.”
Tony found the control that operated his bed and pressed the button that would raise the head of his bed a little more. He felt his shoulder pull a little, but thanks to the medication he had received, the pain was tolerable. He met the team leader’s concerned gaze. “You’ve never beat around the bush before, so why start now?”
“I guess because I know you’re not going to like what I have to say.”
Tony sighed. “I’m being fired, aren’t I?”
“No!” Gibbs sharply exclaimed. “Why would you even think that?”
“You know why! I messed up!”
The team leader shook his head. “No, Tony. You did not screw up!”
“I can’t remember what happened and no one will tell me, so what else am I supposed to believe?”
Gibbs leaned forward and cupped his face in his hands. “Look at me, Tony. Have I ever lied to you before?”
“No.”
“Why would I start now?”
“I don’t know.”
“What happened was my fault,” Gibbs insisted.
“How can it be your fault?”
He watched the team leader as he leaned back in his chair. Tony wanted an explanation; he wanted to know what happened and more importantly he wanted to know why Gibbs was blaming himself. He watched as the former Marine seemingly struggled to form the words he wanted to say. Gibbs was not one to mince words and his reluctance to do so now only furthered Tony’s anxiety.
“I should have listened to you, Tony,” the older man finally managed to say. “If I had, you wouldn’t be lying here in this bed.”
“Gibbs, I…”
“Let me finish,” he pleaded.
He nodded as he met Gibbs’ saddened gaze with his own curious stare. “All right.”
“If I had let you put on your vest…”
“Gibbs, don’t even go there. I…”
“I said, let me finish!”
Tony flinched at the harshness of Gibbs’ voice. That sharpness was usually reserved for the field and not when he was lying in a hospital bed.
“If I had let you put on your vest, you would have been protected from serious injury.” Gibbs swallowed hard. “The bullets you took in the back were…from my gun.”
That was not what Tony had expected to hear. The last thing that he clearly remembered was being shot in the shoulder while still managing to take the other man down. He could barely recall anything after that until he woke up in the hospital and had been informed that he was never going to walk again.
Now it was Tony’s turn to be rendered speechless. “What?” he finally managed to ask, disbelief and uncertainty evident in his voice.
“I thought you were down,” Gibbs continued to explain. “I didn’t see you get up and you took two of my bullets in your back. I’m sorry, Tony. I’m…sorry.”
Tony laid his head back against the pillow. “It’s okay.” He had no idea why he had said that. It wasn’t okay. In fact, it sucked.
Apparently, Gibbs was also confused by his reaction. “Tony, it’s not okay.”
“It was an accident, Gibbs.”
“It doesn’t change the fact that it happened.”
“No, it doesn’t. There’s just no use in crying over spilled milk.”
Gibbs lowered the side rail and sat on the edge of mattress. “Tony, I just told you that I shot you in the back. My bullets are the reason that you’re paralyzed and you’re acting like I made you miss a Magnum marathon.”
“Things happen for a reason, Gibbs.”
“This happened because I was too careless and too pig headed to…”
Tony clenched his jaw, desperately fighting the urge to scream. “What do you want me to say, Gibbs? Do you want me to say that I blame you? Do you want me to be angry with you? What do you want from me?”
Gibbs looked away, sighing in defeat. “I don’t know, Tony. I guess I want your forgiveness.”
“You’re forgiven,” he blurted out, uncertain if he truly meant those words he had managed to utter.
“Tony, I…”
“Gibbs, I’m kind of getting sleepy. Can we talk about this later?”
“All right, but we will talk about this. I’ve also told IA what happened and I’ll take full responsibility for…”
“You don’t have to be a martyr. That’s not going to change anything.”
“I wasn’t trying to be a martyr,” Gibbs reasoned. “I just want you to know that when the IA team gets around to interviewing you, you make sure that they know that none of what happened was your fault. You were in the right.”
Tony closed his eyes. A mixture of anger and exhaustion was consuming him. There was no doubt in his mind that the shooting was an accident, but that didn’t change the fact that he had been the one to suffer the consequences of an obsession gone wrong. He was going to have to find a way to deal with this; Gibbs would never purposefully hurt him and he knew that, but it didn’t change the fact that he was still paralyzed because the man that was like a father to him had shot him and changed his life forever.
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