Gibbs sat back down in the chair beside Tony’s bed, waiting for the senior agent to do or say something that would be an indication of how DiNozzo was really dealing with the team leader’s revelation. Admitting that the bullets that had changed Tony’s life forever had come from his gun had been one of the most difficult things that he had ever done, but the younger man deserved to hear the truth and the team leader knew that he had to be the one to tell him what had happened. Tony’s reaction to the news had been unexpected. Aside from one tiny outburst, DiNozzo had been calm and accepting of the fact that the former Marine had shot him.
He knew that Tony had a habit of hiding behind a mask, a testament to the man’s unusual upbringing. The dark-haired agent didn’t speak often of his childhood and when he did, he usually followed it by some kind of off beat joke. The team leader had learned to read in between the lines and had figured out that displays of emotion had been frowned upon in the DiNozzo household. When it came to dealing with personal feelings, Tony was a very private person and preferred to handle things in his own way, but Gibbs was determined not to let him face his future alone.
Leaning back in the chair, he watched as Tony’s breathing finally evened out, signifying that he was no longer trying to feign sleep, but had actually drifted off. Gibbs knew that DiNozzo was probably hoping that if he appeared to be asleep, then he would leave; but, Tony should have known that he would stay as long as he could. He glanced at his watched and mentally calculated how many hours he had before he would have to leave. There was so much more that needed to be said and Gibbs didn’t know when he would have another opportunity to talk to his senior agent. Unfortunately, Agent Watts couldn’t be on protection detail 24 hours a day so he could go and come as he pleased.
He decided that he would let Tony sleep a little longer, while he kept a silent vigil. Maybe by the time DiNozzo woke up, he would figure out exactly what he wanted to say to the young man; but at the moment, all he could come up with were a lot of meaningless platitudes.
“Agent Gibbs?”
The team leader looked up as Dr. Winesett entered the room. He rose from his seat and nodded a muted greeting to the physician. “Dr. Winesett.”
“You can call me Bill,” the doctor insisted.
“Jethro.”
Gibbs genuinely liked this man; any one who had the balls to stand up to Jenny Shepard deserved his respect. So far, he and Tony had been the only ones to challenge her and now, he could add the good doctor to their distinguished club.
“I see he’s sleeping,” Bill observed.
“Yeah. He has been for a few minutes,” Gibbs informed him.
“I’m sure he was glad to see you.”
Gibbs shook his head. “I doubt it. Not after I told him that I was the one who shot him in the back.”
The doctor glanced up from studying Tony’s chart. “I guess that explains why Director Shepard didn’t want you around Agent DiNozzo,” Winesett mused.
“You mean that she didn’t give you a reason why I couldn’t see him?” he asked.
“All she said was that it had to do with an Internal Affairs investigation that you would both be involved in; I had no idea that it was your bullets that…”
“Caused him to be paralyzed?” the team leader finished. He sat back down in the chair, his gaze finally coming to rest on Tony’s still form. “Now you know and so does Tony.”
“You told him?”
“I had to. I didn’t want him to find out from the Internal Affairs guys or pick it up from idle gossip.”
“How did he take it?”
“He hasn’t said too much.”
“Is that good or bad?”
“I don’t know yet. He kind of shut down on me and went to sleep,” Gibbs stated. “I don’t know what’s going to happen or what he’s going to say when he wakes up.”
“I’m sure that given time, Agent DiNozzo will come to terms with what happened. You just have to be willing to give him that time,” the physician pointed out.
“I’ll give him all the time in the world if that’s what he needs.”
“He’ll need more than time. He’s going to need a lot of support, not just from you, but from all his friends.”
“We plan on being there for him every step of the way.”
Winesett closed Tony’s chart and then checked the monitor to make sure that his vitals were stable. Gibbs had always excelled at reading people and right now, it was obvious that the doctor had something that he wanted to say. “Something on your mind, Bill?”
“Jethro, would you care to join me for a cup of coffee?”
“As long as it doesn’t take too long,” he conditionally agreed. “I want to be here in case he wakes up again.”
“I’ll try not to keep you too long.”
Gibbs followed Dr. Winesett out of Tony’s room, pausing at the door long enough to spare a fleeting glance at the injured agent. “Hang in there, Tony,” the team leader encouragingly whispered.
He continued to follow the doctor, nodding to Agent Watts as they headed towards the lounge. Gibbs was definitely going to have to call Danny Watts’ father and let his old friend know what a fine young man his son had turned out to be. The young agent was taking a huge risk helping him and Leroy Jethro Gibbs would always be in his debt.
Following Dr. Winesett into the lounge, he took a seat as the other man closed the door and poured two cups of coffee. Gibbs took the offered cup and took a sip. He grimaced as he swallowed the bitter liquid. “Not my usual blend,” he muttered.
“I never said it would a good cup of coffee,” the physician quipped.
The team leader tiredly grinned. “No, you didn’t. You could have a least warned me.”
“Where would the fun be in that?”
“Remind me to treat you to a real cup of coffee sometime,” Gibbs offered. “One taste and you’ll never be able to go back to this swill.”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
Gibbs set his cup down on the table and pushed it away from him. “So, what did you want to talk about?” he asked. He didn’t want to be away from Tony’s side any longer than necessary.
Sitting down across from him, the doctor folded his hands on the table, taking a minute to gather his thoughts. “I want to talk to you about Tony,” he began.
“I’m listening.”
“I wish that you would have waited to tell Agent DiNozzo the truth about the shooting.”
“And why is that?”
“He’s just learned that he’s going to be paralyzed for the rest of his life; don’t you think it was a little too soon to deliver another blow?”
“Maybe,” Gibbs conceded. “But I know Tony well enough to know that he expects the whole truth and if I didn’t come clean, DiNozzo would blame himself. I couldn’t let him do that.”
He wasn’t sure if Winesett understood his reasoning, but it didn’t matter; the team leader was not going to permit Tony to carry a burden that wasn’t rightfully his.
“I understand that and I respect that; I’m just speaking from a doctor’s point of view.”
“I know and I appreciate the fact that you’re doing what you think is best for Tony, but so am I. I’ve known DiNozzo a long time and we’ve been through a lot together. Did you know that he had the plague once?”
Bill nodded. “I’ve read his history. Agent DiNozzo seems like a fighter.”
“He is.”
“That’s good to know because he’s going to have one hell of a fight in front of him.”
Gibbs could remember Ducky say something similar but at the time, he had other things on his mind including his IA interview. “I know that and so does he.”
“Do you?”
His eyes narrowed into an inquisitive stare. “What do you mean?”
“Agent DiNozzo is going to have to learn a whole new way of living. Simple tasks that we take forgranted are going to present a challenge for him. With paraplegia, comes the loss of bladder and bowel control; Tony will have to literally train his bladder and bowels when to go. He’ll be more susceptible to kidney and bladder infections, pressure sores, and because of the damage done to his lungs, he’ll be a likely candidate to develop upper respiratory infections.
“He’s going to have to learn to dress himself and do things for himself that he used to be able to do without thinking. Although he can’t use his legs, he’s going to have to still work the muscles to prevent atrophy; that will certainly help prevent other problems blood clots and the sores I mentioned earlier.”
Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose. He could imagine Tony’s reaction when he learned that he was going to have to learn how to take a piss again, among other things. Ducky had tried to warn him, but somehow hearing this from DiNozzo’s doctor made it seem so real, so final. “So, how’s he going to learn to do all of this?”
“If he remains stable for the next 36-48 hours, I want to send him to the National Rehabilitation Hospital here in D.C.; I think that being there will help him immensely. The sooner he starts rehab, the better off he’ll be.”
“I’ve heard of this place.”
“It’s one of the best.”
“How long will he have to stay there?” Gibbs wanted to know.
“As an inpatient, probably around three weeks,” Bill answered. “Then depending on his progress, he’ll move to a day program, and then finally to outpatient. They’ll help him with everything from the personal issues we discussed earlier to learning how to drive. He’ll come away from there with as much independence as he had before the shooting; Agent DiNozzo will just learn a new way of doing things. I’ve got a packet in my office for Tony that will go into more detail about the services they offer. I thought maybe you would want to read it and then discuss it with him.”
Gibbs sighed. The doctor had given him a lot to mull over. “Thanks, Doc,” he finally managed to say. “For everything.”
“You’re welcome.” The doctor rose from his seat. “By the way, I’m still working on getting those restrictions lifted. Your Director is a difficult woman.”
“You have no idea.”
“Take care, Jethro. If I can do anything, please don’t hesitate to have me paged.”
Standing up, he shook the physician’s hand, quietly nodding his thanks once again. Winesett left him in the lounge alone, the sound of water dripping from the faucet resonating throughout the tiny room as Bill’s words were echoing through his mind. There was so much that Tony was going to have to face and knowing DiNozzo, he would hide behind that damned mask, trying to convince everyone including himself that he could handle whatever crappy hand that life had dealt him. Gibbs knew that some tough love would be in order, but he wasn’t sure if he could overcome his own guilt to make sure that Tony got the help that he needed to live his life to the fullest once again.
As he made his way down towards Tony’s room, he saw that Agent Watts was no longer outside DiNozzo’s door. The team leader could hear voices coming from inside the room indicating that Tony was awake and the two young agents were talking. DiNozzo’s ability to strike up a conversation with anyone was one of those characteristics that had served him well throughout his life and had also lured many unsuspecting criminals into making a confession.
Gibbs started to enter the room when a familiar voice called out to him. Turning at the sound of his name, he watched as Director Jenny Shepard came storming over towards him. Hands on her hips, she icily stared at him, making him wonder what happened to the woman he had loved. The slight tremor in her voice spoke volumes of the anger she was managing to keep bottled up inside. Unfortunately, that anger came spewing out when she asked, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
When Tony woke up, he quickly discovered that he was alone. He found himself cherishing the few moments of tranquility, welcoming the brief respite from the constant vigils that his friends seemed determined to subject him to. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that his friends meant well, but it was hard to see the pity in their eyes as they awkwardly searched for the right words to say. He wanted them to believe that he was going to be fine and that he was going to overcome this latest obstacle in his life and walk again; the only problem was that he was having a hard time convincing himself of the fact.
He glanced down at his legs that were covered by a sheet and a heavy blanket. They were just lying there, unmoving and useless appendages that no longer served a purpose. There would be no more long runs in the park, no more football games in the snow with his frat buddies, no more boxing with Gibbs in the ring. He would longer be chasing dirtbags, kicking in doors, or running out to get coffee. All that had changed because of two misplaced bullets.
Despite Gibbs’ admission that he had been the one to put the two bullets in his back, Tony knew in his heart that it had been an accident, but his mind was having a hard time accepting that Gibbs had been the one who had pulled the trigger. He had tried to hide his anger from the team leader, even going as far as telling the man that he was forgiven, hoping that the former Marine couldn’t see through the mask that Tony had been forced to hide behind.
A lesson that he had learned from his father was to never allow people see your true feelings because your emotions can be used against you. Tony had become an expert at a young age at hiding behind his sense of humor and quick wit, easily deflecting those who tried to get to close. Very few people got a glimpse of the real Anthony DiNozzo; Jethro Gibbs had been one of those people. But now, until Tony got everything sorted out in his head, the team leader would only be allowed to see what he wanted him to see.
With his good arm, he reached for the water sitting on the table beside him. He managed to grasp the cup, but his hold was tenuous and both the cup and the water ended up on the floor. Tony’s first instinct was to get up and clean up the mess before anybody came and saw what had happened. He tried to sit up until a searing pain shot up his back. With a choked sob, he cried out, “Son of a bitch!”
“Are you all right?”
Tony forced his breathing to regulate as he glanced at the stranger standing in his doorway. After a few minutes, he nodded as he collapsed back onto the mattress. “Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks,” he gasped. “Who are you?”
“Agent Danny Watts,” the young man replied. “I was just standing outside your door and I heard you um…Are you sure you’re all right?”
“Yeah. I was just getting a drink of water and I dropped the cup.”
“I’ll get you a new one and some fresh water,” Watts volunteered. The agent retrieved a towel and quickly cleaned up the water off the floor.
Tony’s jaw clenched as he saw how easily the other man had taken care of the mess. He couldn’t even sit all the way up, much less get in the floor and swab up a little bit of water.
“Is there anything else you need?” Danny pleasantly inquired.
“No, I’m good. Thanks.”
“You acted like you were hurting earlier; are you sure I can’t get the nurse?”
“I said I was fine.” Tony blew out a frustrated breath. “So, why are you outside my door?”
“Because I was told to stay there.”
“By whom?”
“Director Shepard.”
Tony shook his head. “Say no more.” Now that Gibbs had told him about the shooting, he understood completely why the team leader had to have escorts and he had an armed guard outside his door. “Guess she doesn’t want us comparing stories?”
“Sir?”
“Don’t call me sir. I work for a living; or at least I used to,” he mumbled.
“Yes Sir. I mean, I understand, Agent DiNozzo,” Danny stammered.
The senior agent weakly smiled. “You remind me of our Probie.”
“Really? How long has he been on Agent Gibbs’ team?”
“About 4 years.”
“And you still call him Probie?”
“He insists on it,” Tony lied. “Keeps him humble.”
“How long have you been with Agent Gibbs?”
“Almost 7 years,” Tony answered automatically. “Why all the questions? The scuttlebutt already started?”
Tony didn’t miss the confused expression that now outlined the agent’s youthful features. “Scuttlebutt?”
“About who’s going to take my place on Gibbs’ team?”
“Uh, not that I know of,” the younger man nervously stated. “As far as I know, there’s not a vacancy.”
“Give it time.”
“I’m not sure what you mean, Agent DiNozzo.”
“Nothing. Just forget I said anything. Pain medication makes me kind of loopy; I tend to talk out of my head a lot,” he explained, hoping that the other man would not try and push for answers that he was not going to give.
“That’s all right,” Danny assured him. “So, have you got any advice for a new agent?”
Tony thought for a moment. Normally, he would have filled the young agent’s head with typical probie horror tales, but he found himself unable to muster any of his usual fervor for story telling and exaggeration. “Just make sure that you find someone who’ll watch your six,” were the only words that he could think to utter.
“Like Agent Gibbs watches yours?”
The kid obvious had a serious case of hero worship for the ex-Marine. Hell, he did too, or at least he used to. To him, Gibbs was no longer the superhero with supernatural powers that no one dared to challenge. That had changed, long before the shooting that had led to his paralysis. Maybe it had been after Kate had died or after Gibbs had taken his hiatus and spent four months in Mexico, but somewhere a long the way, the superhero had become human and humans made mistakes. Unfortunately being human also made you vulnerable and that’s exactly how Tony felt at the moment; all of his insecurities were trying to rear their ugly heads and he was powerless to stop them.
How was he supposed to answer Agent Watts? Gibbs had always had his back; had that changed with the shooting? The team leader was like a father to him; but what kind of father puts the need of a stranger over the welfare of his own team? Was he blaming Gibbs? Was he blaming the Carpenters? The blame was supposed to lie with the kidnappers, and that’s were he was going to have make sure that it stayed.
“Agent DiNozzo?” Danny called out to him.
Shaken from his reverie, he said, “Call me Tony.”
“All right, Tony,” Watts conceded. “So, you said to find someone who’ll watch my back.”
“Yeah. You’ll live longer that way.”
“You’re lucky to have Agent Gibbs to do that for you.”
“I guess so.”
“I mean he’s the best agent around and it’s got to be…”
Uncomfortable with the turn that the conversation was taking, Tony cleared his throat and inquired about his drink. “Danny, how about that water?”
“Oh, right. I’m sorry. I’ll be right back.”
He breathed a sigh of relief when the junior agent left. There was a slight commotion outside his door and he could hear the voices of Gibbs, the Director, and Agent Watts, who voice seemed to go up two octaves. It sounded like all hell was about to break loose outside his door and he wanted no part of it.
Tony had other things on his mind. He had to figure out how he was going to handle this situation and how he was going to face life in a wheelchair. Tony usually didn’t feel sorry for himself; he had learned throughout his life that self pity was a waste of time, but right now, he wasn’t sure if it was pity or self loathing that he was experiencing. Whatever it was, it was starting to eat at him like a cancer and Tony wasn’t sure how to stop it.
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