The last person that Leroy Jethro Gibbs wanted to see was Director Jenny Shepard. Of course, judging by the angered expression she was now wearing, she wasn’t happy to see him either. Her green eyes were hard and cold; temporarily void of any hint that they had once been lovers. The old adage that if looks could kill rang true; truthfully, he would probably already be six feet under.
He took a sip of his coffee as he spared another fleeting look towards Tony’s room. The team leader was not looking forward to the conversation he was about to have, knowing that every second he spent arguing with Jenny, was taking away from the time he could spend with DiNozzo. He knew from experience that the longer Tony was left alone, the more time he had to build up the walls around his emotions.
Gibbs turned to face Jenny, his annoyance at the fiery red head evident in his own piercing gaze. “Something I can do for you, Director?” he asked, his voice tight and controlled.
“You can answer my question,” she coolly replied.
“And what question was that?”
“What are you doing here?” the Director emphatically repeated.
“I was talking to Tony’s doctor.”
That wasn’t a complete lie. He had been talking with Dr. Winesett about Tony’s future; he didn’t dare mention that he had already been to see Tony in hopes that he could convince the young man that he was not blame for what happened during the shooting. Gibbs refused to let DiNozzo accept the blame for something that wasn’t his fault.
“And you expect me to believe that?” Jenny shot back.
“Believe what you want, Jen.”
“I know you, Jethro. I also know that more than likely you’ve already been to see Tony and I know that you were without your escorts. I assumed that when I allowed you to see Agent DiNozzo that you understood that you could not be left alone with him until after Internal Affairs interviewed him. I try and accommodate you and you repay my leniency by going behind my back.”
The ex-Marine glared at the Director. “I wouldn’t have to go behind your back if you would just come to your senses!”
“I’m not the one disobeying a direct order,” she reasoned.
Gibbs grabbed her arm and escorted her away from Tony’s door, not wanting to take the chance that DiNozzo would overhear their conversation. Jenny pulled free of his grasp, her irritation with him fueling her rage.
“What is it that you’re trying to do, Jethro?” Jenny demanded to know. “You’re taking a huge chance on throwing away your career! If IA discovers that you’ve been here before…”
“Who’s going to tell them, Jen? I need to be here and you know it. I’ve got to be here for Tony.”
“To ease your guilty conscience?” she challenged.
He clenched his jaw, struggling to keep his own mask from slipping. There was no doubt in his mind that guilt was consuming him, but he could not let it motivate him. Tony was like a son to him and he wanted to believe that he was doing what a father should do. “No, Jen,” he finally answered. “I’m doing it because…” He paused and blew out a frustrated breath.
“Because why?”
“Because if our situations were reversed, DiNozzo would be doing the same thing for me.”
“Jethro, I know that DiNozzo means a great deal to you and you think that your presence is necessary for his recovery and that may be; but until the IA team talks to Tony, you can not see him without proper supervision,” she insisted.
“So supervise me!” he growled as he turned to head towards Tony’s room.
It only took three strides before he was outside Tony’s door. The team leader purposefully ignored the Director’s protest, tired of hearing all the reasons that he should stay away from his senior field agent. He would not abandon DiNozzo to face his future alone, even if he had to go against the Director of NCIS.
“Agent Gibbs!” she called out.
Gibbs whirled around, silencing her with his icy stare. “Don’t,” he warned. “Just don’t.”
Before Jenny had an opportunity to respond, the team leader and the Director were nearly bowled over by Agent Danny Watts. Startled, the young man dropped the cup that he had been carrying and watched in horror as it landed at the feet of the former Marine.
“Agent Gibbs,” Danny stammered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s all right, Agent Watts,” Gibbs assured him. “At least it wasn’t full.”
Danny picked the cup up off the floor. “I wasn’t watching where I was going and I’m sorry.”
“So I guess you’ve learned two lessons from this experience.”
“Sir?”
“Make that three lessons you’ve learned,” Gibbs corrected. “One. Always be aware of your surroundings. Two. Don’t apologize, it’s a sign of weakness, and three, don’t call me sir; I work for a living.”
“That’s what Agent DiNozzo just said. He told me not to call him sir either,” Danny recalled.
After he and Tony had met, it hadn’t taken long for DiNozzo to learn about his aversion to being called ‘sir’. Sometimes Gibbs found himself longing for the days that his team consisted of himself and Tony; life was much simpler back then.
“So, how is Agent DiNozzo?” he asked, forcing himself back to the present.
“He’s all right. He accidentally knocked his water off and I was just getting him some more,” Watts hastily explained.
Gibbs watched with amusement as Danny realized that he had failed to address the Director. He didn’t bother to hide his smile as the agent once again, began to apologize profusely. Jenny could be very a very commanding presence, but the former Marine had shared too much history with the woman standing beside him to be intimidated by her.
“I’m sorry, Director Shepard,” the young man apologized. “I didn’t see you there. I mean…”
“Don’t worry, Agent Watts,” Gibbs chimed in. “Her bark is worse than her bite.”
“It’s quite all right, Agent Watts,” Jenny answered, ignoring Gibbs’ barb. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Yes, Ma’am,” Danny eagerly replied.
“Has Agent Gibbs been in to see Agent DiNozzo?”
The team leader gave a slight nod to the agent, silently granting him permission to tell her the truth. He didn’t want to get Danny into trouble and he could deal with Jenny’s wrath; he had no intention of ruining the agent’s career before it barely got started.
Gibbs managed to hide his surprise when Danny replied. “Not to my knowledge, ma’am.”
“What do you mean, not to your knowledge, Agent Watts?” she wanted to know. “Did you leave your post at any time?”
“No ma’am.”
“Yet, you don’t know if Agent Gibbs…”
“Quit harassing the kid, Jen,” Gibbs said. “He doesn’t know you well enough to lie to you. Now, I’m going in to see Tony.”
Gibbs walked into the room, Jenny following close behind him, leaving a confused junior agent standing out in the hallway. Tony was awake, his eyes riveted to the ceiling, apparently lost in his thoughts. The team leader moved to DiNozzo’s side and quietly called out his name. “Tony?”
Tony sighed. “Hey, Boss.”
“How ya doin’?”
“I’m okay.”
Gibbs easily realized that Tony was already hiding behind the mask he wore when he wanted to convince everyone that all was right with his world. The team leader wondered how long it would take him before he could convince Tony to lower it once again.
“You need anything?”
Tony’s eyes met his own concerned gaze. Gibbs could see in the younger man’s expressive orbs that he was literally screaming on the inside, but what came out of Tony’s mouth, was an almost inaudible, “No.”
“Agent Watts will be back in a few minutes with your water,” Gibbs stated in an effort to keep the awkwardness from consuming them.
“Nice kid,” Tony mumbled.
“Yeah.”
He desperately wished that Tony wouldn’t keep his feelings locked away. Gibbs knew that despite outward appearances, that DiNozzo was barely holding it together; he was wearing the same lost expression that he had worn after he had chosen to give up the relationship he had with Jeanne. Tony was trying to be stoic, but inside, he was crying out for someone to wake him up from this nightmare.
Gibbs sat down in the chair and leaned forward slightly. It was the posture that he assumed sometimes when he had to talk to children; non-threatening and non-assuming. He saw Tony acknowledge the Director with a nod; she took that as her cue to address the injured agent.
“Agent DiNozzo,” she greeted. “How are you feeling?”
The team leader saw Tony visibly bristle at her inquiry. There was still a lot of tension between Jenny and Tony after the undercover operation to capture La Grenouille had been blown all to hell; she had used his agent without considering the consequences to him, both personally and professionally. His confidence had been shattered and although he managed to disguise this fact from his other friends, Gibbs had seen first hand the scars that Tony still bore.
He could tell that Tony was trying to bite back the sharp retort that wanted to come out of his mouth; sometimes he was amazed at the senior agent’s restraint. There had been many times over the years when DiNozzo had managed to hold his tongue, especially when he had incurred Gibbs’ wrath. He wondered if Ziva and McGee how many times that they had been spared from his rage because DiNozzo had been the one to step in and absorb the team leader’s frustration that sometimes occurred when they were working a case.
Tony cleared his throat. “I’m fine, Director,” the agent declared. “Can’t fell a thing below the waist, but what do you expect?”
As much as he hated to admit it, that comment had cut Gibbs to his soul. He knew that Tony was intentionally trying to shock the Director with his venomous words, but his own guilt over the situation came flooding back with Tony’s proclamation.
“I’m sure that everything will work out, Tony,” Jenny attempted to reason.
Tony’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “You’re probably right, Director. It usually does.”
Sensing Tony’s growing agitation, he placed his hand on the young man’s forearm and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Take it easy, Tony,” he gently urged.
“I’m just not in the mood for a lot of company.”
“I know, but right now, she’s acting as my baby sitter.” He glanced up at the Director. “But maybe she can wait just outside the door.”
Jenny moved to stand in the door frame, pulling the curtain behind her. Gibbs was genuinely surprised at her response to his thinly veiled request. After their earlier conversation, he had expected her to remain undeterred in her declaration that the former Marine could not be alone with Tony; but she had managed to give the senior agent the privacy that he had craved while remaining in earshot so that she could monitor his and DiNozzo’s discussion.
“Thanks, Boss,” Tony mumbled.
“You’re welcome.”
Tony pulled his arm free of the team leader’s grasp, an action that didn’t go unnoticed by the older man. Perhaps Tony was finally showing some of his true feelings about the shooting. Was he finally placing the blame for his condition where it should have been placed from the beginning? Was Tony accepting the fact that Gibbs’ carelessness was the reason that he could no longer walk? There were so many questions racing through his mind, questions that he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer to.
“Something wrong?” DiNozzo asked.
“No. Just thinking.”
“About what?”
“About what happened.”
“Gibbs, let’s not get into this again,” Tony pleaded. “It’s over. There’s nothing you can do to change what happened. Forgive and forget and all that good stuff.”
“Can you?”
“Can I what?”
“Forgive and forget.”
“I already told you I forgave you,” DiNozzo reminded him, struggling to keep his voice even.
“I know what you said, but…”
“Then why are we having this discussion again?” Tony raked his good hand through his hair.
Gibbs sensed DiNozzo’s desperation as he fought with his demons. The team leader quickly decided that he would let Tony set the tone for their conversation for now, giving the dark-haired man the opportunity to gain back some of the control that Tony needed to have.
“So, where’d you go after I went to sleep?” he finally inquired, purposefully changing the subject.
“Dr. Winesett wanted to talk to me,” Gibbs answered.
“About what?”
Gibbs licked his lips. Tony wasn’t probably going to be happy to learn that they had been discussing his future without him. “If you’re still doing well, in the next day or two, he wants to send you to a rehab facility.”
He saw Tony’s mask slip as uncertainty clouded his features. “A rehab center?”
“Yeah.”
“Where at?”
“Here in D.C.,” he replied. “The doctor’s going to bring you a packet he put together. It sounds like a good place. They’ll be able to teach you everything you need to know.”
“Everything I need to know,” Tony mumbled under his breath.
“I’m sure that Dr. Winesett will go over it in more detail with you. I think it sounds like a good idea.”
“You would.”
Gibbs’ eyes narrowed. Tony’s mask was firmly back in place. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Tony shook his head. “Nothing. Just the drugs talking, Boss.”
“I don’t think so, DiNozzo.”
“Think whatever you’d like.”
“Tony, I…”
“Gibbs, please. I just need a little time to get used to the idea that I’m never going to walk again. Once I get it through my head, I’ll be back to my old annoying, cheerful, hyperactive self,” Tony promised. “I just need some time.”
“Take all the time in the world, but I don’t want you holding everything in,” the team leader warned. “You’re going to have a lot to deal with and if…”
“I’m an expert with dealing with the unexpected.” Tony permitted a tiny smile to escape. “I learned from the best. Remember?”
Gibbs couldn’t bring himself to answer. He watched in silence as Tony lay his head back against his pillow. “You know, Gibbs,” Tony began. “I was lying here thinking about some things.”
“Like what?”
“I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to probably going to have to find a new place to live. I know I’ve got an elevator, but half the time it doesn’t work. I can’t exactly throw my wheelchair on my back and carry it up the stairs, can I? But then if I move, there’ll be no one to look in on Mrs. Kiser and make sure that she’s all right; she sometimes forgets to take her medicine and her stupid cat is always under her feet, making her fall.
“I was also thinking about how I was going to have to move my desk in order to get behind it with a wheelchair. Do you think that maybe we could rearrange the bullpen somehow? Hey, I’ll always be ready for a campfire,” Tony said as an afterthought.
“Then I realized that it was stupid for me to even consider rearranging the office, because more than likely, I’m not going to be a field agent any longer, once personnel figures out what happened. So you should probably go ahead and promote McGee and hire that Agent Watts as your new probie.” Tony laughed to himself. “He’s definitely wants to work for you; Watts has got you on a pretty high pedestal.”
Gibbs reached up and tapped Tony on the top of the head. “I’ve got a senior field agent,” he growled, “and when he comes back to work, he can move the desks any way he damn well wants to! Got it?”
Tony nodded. “Got it, Boss. But still you might want to reconsider…”
“DiNozzo, I’m not considering any other possibilities except for you returning to your spot on my team. You’ve earned it and until the day you don’t want it anymore, it’s going to be yours.”
“We’ll see,” Tony replied, doubt etched in his features.
“DiNozzo, you will be back. Now, you can…”
The curtain was pulled back, causing the two men to look up as Dr. Winesett entered the room. “I’m glad I caught you awake,” Bill said.
“Doc,” Tony greeted.
“I guess Agent Gibbs has talked to you about the rehab center?” Winesett surmised.
“Yeah.”
“Well, I’m here to fill in the blanks, if you’re up to listening.”
“Might as well.”
“All right,” the doctor conceded. “Let me check you over and then we’ll talk.”
Gibbs sat back and watched the doctor, wondering what Tony’s reaction was going to be to what Winesett had to say. He was aware that DiNozzo’s recovery, both physically and mentally, hinged on how he approached his rehabilitation. The team leader hoped that the young man’s tenacity and determination would motivate him, taking precedence over the sense of hopelessness that seemed to be hovering over him at the moment. Gibbs had vowed that he would be with Tony every step of the way, but right now, he wasn’t sure Tony wanted him along for the journey.
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