It was almost inconceivable how someone could feel so alone in a facility streaming with people, but that was exactly how Tony DiNozzo felt at this very moment. The hustle and bustle outside his room as the staff went up and down the hallway did very little to assuage the sense of loneliness that was now consuming him; he wished that Ducky had been able to stay longer but Tony knew that the ME had to go home and tend to his mother. He had enjoyed the kind hearted physician’s company, but asking Ducky to stay would not only have been an inconvenience for the older man but an act of selfishishness on his part.
Time seemed to crawl and with every second that passed by, Tony seemed to sink further and further into the pit of self deprecation. He was aware of the fact that he needed to keep a positive outlook regarding his recovery but reality had a way of bringing negativity to the forefront.
Glancing up at the clock on the wall, he mentally calculated that he had been at the rehabilitation center for almost six hours. “I hope the rest of the days don’t go by as slow as this one,” he mumbled.
“Talking to yourself already? Usually it takes most patients a couple of weeks before they do that.”
Tony looked up to discover a woman who looked to be in her late thirties standing in his doorway holding what he assumed was his chart in her hands; her dark hair was pulled back into a pony tail and her chocolate eyes seemed to be able to look into his soul. He quickly slipped his mask back in place, hoping that she would ignore his blatant attempt to hide his true emotions.
“I figured that I would get a head start. I’ve always been an overachiever,” Tony quipped.
“I can tell.”
His gaze followed the woman as she entered his room and approached his bed. There was an air of confident beauty about her that Tony found both appealing and disconcerting; the uncertainty of her purpose made him wary and he was inclined to keep his feelings guarded until he learned the true nature of her visit. Ordinarily he would have been able to perform a song and dance number on her worthy of an Oscar, but he had a feeling that she had probably already heard the tune before.
She extended her hand and introduced herself to him. “I’m Dr. Claire Williams; I’m the…”
“You’re the shrink,” he stated as he took her hand.
“That would be me.”
“Let me guess; you’re yet another member of my team.”
Claire laughed as she sat down in the chair beside his bed. “Let me guess; you’ve had a parade of people marching in and out of here, each one telling you something different and expecting you to jump on the bandwagon with them.”
“That’s one way of looking at it,” Tony sighed.
“You’ve got the best team around; they all know their stuff.”
“That’s comforting.”
Watching the doctor study his chart made him feel like a teenager awaiting his father’s approval or more accurately the indication of the level of disappointment the older man was going to exhibit after he brought home his report card. He hated feeling like his life was under the microscope, especially when those examining it were total strangers.
Tony cleared his throat. “Anything interesting in there?”
“Just finishing catching up on your history,” she answered. “You were shot in the line of duty?”
“You asking or telling?”
“Asking.”
He nodded towards the chart. “It’s right there in black and white.”
“I’d like to hear it from you, Agent DiNozzo.”
“Tony,” he quickly corrected. “You can call me Tony.”
“All right, Tony,” Claire conceded as she closed the chart.
Tony breathed a sigh of relief when he realized that she was not going to delve into his psyche, at least not at the moment. He visibly relaxed and graced her with one of his infamous smiles. “So, what do you want me to call you?”
“Claire will be fine,” she replied, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.
“So Claire, how many times a week are we going to be seeing each other?”
“I’ll determine that after your initial evaluation tomorrow.”
“So, if I pass with flying colors, do I get to ask you to dinner?” he purposefully teased in an effort to dispel the hidden tension in the room.
“You can’t even answer a simple yes or no question,” Claire pointed out. “Do you actually think you’ll pass with flying colors?”
Tony bit back a sharp retort, his defensive walls quickly erecting themselves once again around his warring emotions. “Yes, I was shot in the line of duty,” he admitted, anger now emanating from his expressive orbs.
Claire smiled at the display of emotion. “Am I sensing a little anger?”
“Nope,” Tony answered, his jaw tightly clenched. “You’re probably sensing a lot of anger.”
“Why?’
“Why what?”
“Why are you angry?”
“I think we’re done here.”
Claire nodded as she stood up. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Tony. Until then, I have an assignment for you. I want you to make a list of things that make you angry.”
“Manipulative shrinks will be right at the top of that list,” Tony growled.
“I would be disappointed if I wasn’t,” she shot back, clearly undeterred by his open hostility. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Tony glared at the doctor as she left his room, obviously pleased with her performance. He couldn’t believe that he had allowed himself to be so easily manipulated by the psychiatrist; Tony usually had the department shrink eating out of his hand but this woman was different. She had seen through his charade and called his bluff, causing him to wonder if he was beginning to lose his touch.
Another tentative knock interrupted his private chastisement; he was beginning to consider the possibilities of putting in a revolving door outside his room. Tony scrubbed his face with his good hand, the stubble of his beard reminding him that he hadn’t shaved in a couple of days. “Come in,” he sighed, his voice laced with fatigue and irritation.
“Is this a bad time?"
He looked up to see McGee standing in his doorway. The last time that McGee had come to see him, he was still in ICU and wasn’t really aware of their presence. Tony hadn’t seen McGee since then and had chalked Tim’s avoidance up to the fact that the team was shorthanded and were putting in extra time; at least that’s what he had told himself in order to keep his thoughts from assuming the worst.
“McGee! Come on in!” Tony motioned Tim to come into the room.
“Are you sure this is a good time?” McGee nervously inquired. “I can come back later.”
“No, I’m glad to see a friendly face!”
“I was just on my way home from work,” Tim began to explain, “and I thought I would drop by and see how you’re doing.”
“I’m doing okay,” he replied, knowing that McGee more than likely didn’t want to hear about the problems that he was going to face. “The first day’s been kind of hectic. I’ve met so many people, I’ll never remember all their names and I’ve had a couple of visitors. Gibbs was here and then Ducky swung by for a while.”
“I would have come by sooner, but with the IA investigation and work…”
“You were busy; it’s all right.”
He gestured towards the empty chair beside his bed. “Sit down,” Tony insisted. “Tell me what all’s been going on. Until I get back, you’re my eyes and ears, McGee.” He wasn’t sure why he was even talking about returning to work; that dream was more than likely out of his reach now.
It didn’t escape DiNozzo’s notice that McGee had yet to look him directly in the eye. Something was definitely disturbing the agent and Tony had a feeling that whatever it was that was making Tim so edgy, more than likely, McGee’s nervousness had something to do with him and his new found disability.
“You okay, McGee?” he pressed, uncertain if he wanted to hear the answer. The little voice in his head was telling that him that he needed to prepare for whatever storm that McGee was getting ready to unleash.
“Yeah, I’m fine, Tony,” Tim answered as he sat down. “I um…just don’t…um…”
“Spit it out, McGoo.”
“I need to talk to you about something,” McGee blurted out. “It’s something that you need to know because you’re my friend; I thought that you should hear this from me rather than the rumor mill.”
Tony swallowed hard. He had a feeling that he wasn’t going to like what McGee had to say and that whatever announcement Tim had to make was going to provide him with yet another life changing experience; one that he wasn’t sure that he could handle. Blowing out a pent up breath, Tony mentally braced himself for McGee’s next words. “All right, McGee; let’s have it.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
The semi darkness of the elevator did little to conceal the rage burning in the eyes of its occupants. Leroy Jethro Gibbs’ piercing gaze was matched by Jenny Shepherd’s lethal stare, each refusing to back down from the fight that was about to ensue. The team leader was not about to permit her to take away the one thing that Tony still had to hold on to; he still possessed the ability to do his job as Gibbs’ senior field agent and he was not going to let anyone take that opportunity away from him.
“You have a lot of nerve,” Jenny snarled.
“I could say the same for you,” he seethed.
“What do you mean by that?”
Gibbs took a menacing step towards his former lover. “Don’t insult either one of us by playing dumb, Jenny. You know exactly what I mean. You undermined my authority as team leader and offered McGee a promotion to senior field agent.”
“In case you’ve forgotten, you aren’t the Director of NCIS; I am. It is my responsibility to ensure that operations flow smoothly and…”
“Cut the crap, Jen!” the former Marine barked. “You’ve been waiting for this chance; maybe you look on it as justice served since Tony didn’t hand over La Grenouille on a silver platter. Whatever your reasoning, I’m not going to let you do this to Tony.”
“La Grenouille is water under the bridge and my decision has nothing to do with the past.”
“Then please explain to me why you insist handing Tony’s job over to McGee. DiNozzo hasn’t offered his resignation and is still more than able to do his job.”
Jenny crossed her arms as if daring him to edge any closer. “What kind of dream world are you living in, Jethro? How can Tony adequately do his job when he can’t go in the field?”
“He still has his mind,” Gibbs angrily countered. “His instincts are the best I’ve ever seen; his ability to see the big picture is uncanny and his devotion to the job is something to which no one can hold a candle to, including McGee.”
“Jethro, how long will it be before Tony returns to work?” she wanted to know.
“I don’t know.”
“A couple of weeks?”
“You know good and well that it’s going to be longer than that,” he hissed.
“A couple of months?”
“Possibly.”
“That’s very optimistic thinking, but unrealistic. Tony will be fortunate if he’s back to work within four or five months and I can’t have his position vacant for that long. McGee is the obvious choice; he’s next in line and he did an admirable job during DiNozzo’s stint as team leader; you remember that time, don’t you? You were on your little Mexican siesta,” Jenny reminded him.
Gibbs’ fist hit the wall, impacting mere centimeters from Jenny’s head. The rage coursing through him could no longer be contained; she was attempting to use his past to justify her decision to promote McGee and he couldn’t allow that to happen.
There wasn’t a doubt that Tony had been a great leader and McGee had done an adequate job in the role of senior field agent, but McGee had never had Tony’s back like DiNozzo always had his. Tony had never said anything after his return, but he knew that both McGee and Ziva had not always given him the support that DiNozzo had needed, questioning his authority when they should have been following his orders.
He braced his arms against the wall, effectively trapping Jenny against the wall. “You listen to me,” he gruffly demanded. “Until Tony makes the decision on what he wants to do with his life, he will remain my senior field agent; I’m not going to let you ruin his life again.”
“You’re not going to let me ruin his life? I’m not the one who shot him,” Jenny insisted, her usually sultry voice dripping with venom. “I don’t care what the IA report says, we both know that you were so obsessed with finding that girl that your judgment was deeply affected and you messed up! You shot Tony and now he’s paralyzed and you have no one but yourself to blame if he can no longer serve as your senior field agent!”
“How dare you!” Gibbs exclaimed. “How dare you try and throw this back on me! I’m going to have to live with what happened and every time I see Tony, I’m reminded of the fact that there are still fragments from my bullets in his spine! I know I’m responsible and that’s something that both Tony and I are learning to accept; you are not going to guilt me into seeing things your way!”
“You have no input in my decisions, Agent Gibbs. Agent McGee will be your new senior field agent; if Agent DiNozzo can return to work, we will find something suitable for him.”
“He doesn’t need your charity; he has a job.”
“You’re not listening to what I’m saying, Jethro. Agent McGee has been offered the position of senior field agent and I have a strong feeling that he’s going to take it. You might as well get used to the idea because this is how it’s going to be.”
Gibbs shook his head. “If you want to promote him, that’s your business; I hear Mitchell is looking for a senior field agent.”
“Let’s say that Tony doesn’t want to come back, then would you have a problem with McGee filling the position?”
“Yes,” he answered without hesitation.
The team leader knew that his reply had surprised the Director, but he honestly wasn’t sure that McGee would ever be able to be his senior field agent.
“You haven’t even given him a chance,” Jenny attempted to rationalize.
“He wouldn’t stand a chance.”
“Because you’re being narrow minded and stubborn! Change is inevitable, Jethro; you’re going to have to learn to accept it.”
“McGee is not ready,” he repeated.
“I think he is. McGee is a good agent.”
“I’m not disputing that; he’s just not ready to take on the role of my senior field agent on a full time basis.”
“I think he is.”
“Don’t try and get into a pissing contest with me, Jen. You’ll lose every time.” Gibbs hit the switch to start the elevator. “I’m putting in my leave slip for the next couple of weeks or however long it takes for Tony to get settled.”
“You’ve just been cleared by IA and you’re taking off again?”
“I told you I would be.”
"Your team is short handed as it is.”
“I wasn’t asking permission. I’ve got more than enough leave to cover my absence. Besides, you think McGee’s ready; let him prove it.”
“McGee and Ziva can’t…”
“Tony and I used to work cases by ourselves and we had a 100% solve rate. Are you saying McGee couldn’t handle that kind of pressure?”
Jenny hit the switch to stop the elevator once again. “That’s not what I’m saying, Jethro; you’re being a total ass about this whole thing.”
He threw his hands up in disgust. “What makes you say that, Jen? Because I’m not ready to give up on a man who has had my back since the first day that I met him? Because I wasn’t even consulted about this so called promotion? I would think that before you offered someone a promotion that you would get a recommendation from his supervisor!”
His hardened gaze was relentless as he continued his tirade. “McGee still has a lot to learn; he kind of reminds me of my former partner when I was in Paris. I want Tony to have something to come back to; he deserves to know that he has the support of the agency and his team! Why is that too much to expect?
“If I have to Jen, I’ll go over your head on this. I have a feeling that SecNav wouldn’t mind being enlightened about a few things.”
“Are you actually trying to blackmail me?”
“Nah. Just giving you something to think about. I’m not going to let this go,” he vowed. “By the way, Abby did the right thing by telling me, so leave her alone. I’ll know if you’re bothering her.”
Gibbs was tired of hearing her excuses and attempts at placating him. Restarting the elevator once last time, he refused to look at the Director, wondering when she had become so bitter and cold hearted. He was known as a hard man and he knew that at times, many considered him to be uncaring, but those that knew him was aware that he had many layers and only those few had the privilege of knowing the real Jethro Gibbs.
That was probably why he could relate to Tony so well; they both let people see what they wanted them to see. He also knew that if their situations were reversed, Tony would be battling with the Devil himself to defend Gibbs’ honor and his job.
The door opened and he exited, brushing past several curious onlookers who had been waiting for the elevator. He was grateful that Jenny didn’t try to follow him; Gibbs wasn’t sure that he could be responsible for his actions should one more word come out of her mouth.
He sat down at his desk, his gaze coming to rest on Tony’s desk. Gibbs sensed Ziva’s presence, her gaze fixed upon his stoic features. “Do you need something, Ziva?” he quietly asked.
“No, I was just getting ready to head home and I saw you get off the elevator; you seem upset.”
“Do ya think?”
“Gibbs, I know that you are upset by everything…”
The former Marine shook his head. “No, Ziva,” he sighed. “I don’t think you have a clue.” Refusing to offer any further explanation, he abruptly changed the subject. “Where’s McGee?”
“He’s already gone for the day. He was going to stop by and see Tony for a few minutes and…”
He stood up, pushing his seat against the back wall of his cubicle. “He’s what?”
“He’s going to see Tony and…”
“Crap!”
Grabbing his keys, Gibbs jogged to the stairwell and down the stairs, quickly making his way to his car. Surely McGee wouldn’t tell Tony that he’d been offered a promotion; but then again, Tim more than likely thought he would be doing DiNozzo a favor by telling him so that Tony didn’t hear it second hand. Unfortunately, McGee’s timing left a lot to be desired and now, DiNozzo would have one more thing that he was going to have to deal with. Gibbs couldn’t help but wonder how much more Tony was expected to take.
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