Gibbs had always been able to use his basement as a place of refuge from the harsh cruelties of his job, but tonight, he had not been able to find the solace that he had been so desperately seeking. The events of the previous day continually played through his mind, preventing him from having a moment’s peace. Not that he deserved it; he had shot his own agent after all. His senior agent who had tried to warn him that he was taking this case too personally; his senior agent who always seemed to stand with the team leader despite his better judgment; his senior agent who managed to fill a void in his life, becoming the son that he had never had.
He had managed to destroy the young man’s life in one split second and now he couldn’t even see Tony to try and explain what had happened. Director Shepard had forbidden him to have any contact with Tony until the investigation was completed, but he knew that he could not wait that long. He hoped that Dr. Winesett had managed to convince Jenny to let him see DiNozzo, but truthfully, he wasn’t expecting her to agree to it. Gibbs was aware that she was not going to bend any rules, even for him; not that he expected her to, but this would have been one time he would have been tempted to resort using their past history together to get what he wanted.
The team leader glanced at his watch. It was almost four in the morning. He had been sitting on the steps of his basement for over 3 hours, nursing the same bourbon that he had poured when he had first arrived at home. According to Ducky, Tony would be waking up soon and that knowledge only fueled the former Marine’s determination to be by his side. If he didn’t receive permission from Jenny within the next hour, he was prepared to implement the plan that he and the ME had managed to come up with during their last conversation.
As if on cue, his cell phone rang. “Gibbs,” he gruffly answered.
“Do you want to know how I’ve spent the better part of my night, Jethro?”
It was Jenny. Gibbs tamped down the urge to offer a sharp retort, knowing that it would only make things worse. He could hear the anger and frustration in her voice and guessed that she had been talking to Dr. Winesett; she evidently didn’t like what the physician had to say.
“No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me,” he blurted out. So much for keeping his smart ass answers to himself.
“I’ve been on the phone with Dr. Winesett on and off for the past few hours,” she continued, nonplussed by Gibbs’ blunt reply. “Do you care to guess why I’ve been on the phone with Dr. Winesett most of the night?”
“I already know.”
“I’m sure you do. You thought that by having Tony’s doctor calling me, you could railroad me into letting you stay with him. Does that about sum it up?”
“I had nothing to do with Dr. Winesett calling you, Director. He did that on his own free will.”
“Do you expect me to believe that?”
Gibbs bristled. “Have I ever lied to you, Jen?”
“No,” she admitted.
“Why would I start now?”
He could sense her annoyance with him, but at the moment, he didn’t care. “So, are you going to tell me what Dr. Winesett had to say or am I going to have to guess?” Gibbs impatiently inquired.
“He wasn’t pleased with the fact that I placed an armed agent outside of Tony’s room,” she informed him.
“I can see why. If you ask me, it’s kind of overkill,” he retorted.
“You know damn well why I placed the guard there. I can’t allow you to see Agent DiNozzo until after the investigation.”
“I need to be there when he wakes up, Jen.”
“Yes, Dr. Winesett mentioned that as well. He felt that it would be in Tony’s best interest for you to be there, but I’m not so sure. You shot your own agent, Jethro. I’m sure it was an accident, but until IA takes DiNozzo’s statement, I can not…”
“Why don’t you just cut the crap, Director? I think you’re enjoying this,” the team leader growled. “I know what the rules are, but I also know that there are extenuating circumstances that allow those rules to be broken. I need to be there for DiNozzo; I need to be there to…to tell him I’m sorry. I’m not going to plant any ideas in his head, Jen; hell, you know Tony, he’ll try and make this whole thing out to be his fault. If I’m not there when he wakes up…”
“He’s won’t be alone when he wakes up, Jethro,” she countered. “Ducky is still there and Abby volunteered to go over this morning. I’m sure they can take care of Tony.”
“I know they can, but I’ve still got to be there and I will be there, one way or another.”
“Is that a threat, Agent Gibbs?”
“No, Director Shepard; it’s a promise.”
He could envision the anger radiating from her eyes. “I don’t appreciate being bullied, Agent Gibbs. If I agree to let you see Tony, it will be on my terms; is that clear?”
“Now who’s being a bully?” he asked. “Dr. Winesett must have unloaded both barrels on you to even make you consider letting me in to see Tony. What are your conditions, Director Shepard?”
“You will be accompanied by another agent and a member of the investigative team to make sure that you don’t say anything you shouldn’t and that you don’t bring any further harm to Agent DiNozzo. You will only be able to stay with Tony…”
“What?” he exclaimed. “You actually think I’d do something to hurt Tony?” Gibbs had to resist the urge to sling his phone across the basement. How dare she even suggest something so ludicrous?
“No, but we have to play this safe, Jethro,” she pointed out. “As I was saying, you will only be able with Tony for a little while. After that, your visits will have to be prearranged.”
“Prearranged?”
“I’m putting my own neck on the line by agreeing to this, Jethro. You can either take it or leave it.”
“I guess it’ll have to do for now,” he reluctantly conceded. Gibbs knew that at the moment, he had to agree to the stipulations set forth by the Director, but if Tony needed him, nothing or no one would keep him from his son’s side.
“Then you better get to the hospital. I’ll inform Ducky that you’re coming. Don’t make me regret this,” Jenny warned.
“You won’t.” Gibbs hung up the phone and slipped it into his pocket. Grabbing the handrail, he pulled himself up and quickly made his way up the stairs and out the front door. He supposed that he should be grateful to Jenny for bending the rules for him, but if she hadn’t, he would have resorted to other tactics and she was well aware of that fact. The team leader’s need to be by Tony’s side when the young man woke up had superseded his rational thoughts and he had been prepared to implement Ducky’s rather creative suggestion.
He allowed a tiny smile to escape as he drove towards the hospital. “I guess I’ll just have to save that idea for another day,” he mumbled. “I have a feeling that I’ll need it.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
He blindly groped his way through the fog that seemed to engulf him. Confusion and pain were his constant companions as he became aware of someone calling out to him. There was no mistaking who the voice belonged to; the soothing cultured tones of Dr. Donald Mallard had served as his voice of reason on more than one occasion. Tony could hear Ducky urging him to open his eyes, but he wasn’t sure if he could even manage that simple feat.
Tony felt the Scotsman gently squeeze his hand. He wanted to obey the firm yet gentle commands that Ducky was issuing, but he was so tired. Except for the nagging pain in his shoulder, his body was numb and he wanted nothing more than to succumb to the embrace of the darkness that beckoned him back into its waiting arms.
“Anthony?” Ducky continued to ramble. “You’re in the hospital but you’re going to be fine. I need you to open your eyes for me. Jethro will be here shortly and you don’t want him to catch you sleeping on the job.”
If he was in the hospital, then there was no doubt in his mind that Gibbs would be nearby; the team leader was always around when he was sick or hurting. The team leader was listed as Tony’s next of kin, a title that Gibbs took very seriously when it came to his well being.
“Open your eyes for me, Tony,” the ME insisted.
Slowly Tony opened his eyes to discover Ducky now standing over him. He blinked several times in an effort to bring the physician into focus and once Ducky’s image became clearer, he considered trying to talk. Questions were beginning to form in Tony’s mind; questions that he wanted answers to. Hopefully, if he could get his mouth to work, he could ask Ducky to explain to him what had happened this time to land him in the hospital.
“Hello, my boy,” Ducky cheerfully greeted.
“D…Duck,” Tony rasped.
“It’s good to see you’re finally awake. I was beginning to worry,” the doctor admitted. “I guess I shouldn’t have doubted that DiNozzo stubbornness that always seems to get you out of some of the most difficult situations.”
“Yeah.”
“Dr. Winesett has been called and he should be here soon. He’s the doctor who has been taking remarkably good care of you.”
Tony merely nodded. At the moment, it was taking a great deal effort to stay awake, much less carry on a conversation; he needed to save his strength for when Gibbs arrived. He knew that the team leader would answer his questions without him even asking. More importantly, Gibbs would be honest with him and not try to placate him with false reassurances. His gut was telling him that something was dreadfully wrong and although Ducky meant well, the ME would try and shelter him from the truth, at least until he was stronger.
“Are you in any pain?” Ducky wanted to know.
“A little,” Tony whispered. “Shoulder hurts. Rest of me…is still…numb.”
He didn’t miss the look of guilt and dread that the physician briefly wore before Ducky managed to slip his mask back into place. His instincts had been right; something was wrong. Tony’s urge to know what happened intensified as he tamped down the urge to bombard the ME with questions. He would wait for Gibbs, relieving Ducky of the great burden that the Scotsman suddenly appeared to be carrying.
“I’ll inform the nurse that you’re in pain, but she probably can’t give you anything until Dr. Winesett examines you,” the doctor pointed out.
“It’s…okay. It’s not…that bad.”
“That’s good to know. Wounds to the shoulder can be very painful. I remember one time that…”
“Duck, I don’t think he’s up for a trip down memory lane.”
Tony weakly smiled as Gibbs entered his room. Not only would he get the answers he sought, he wouldn’t have to listen to Ducky recount another story from his youth. Truthfully, most of the time he didn’t mind listening to the ME’s recollections, but right now, he wanted to know why he was in the hospital and more importantly, when he could go home.
“Jethro!” Ducky exclaimed, relief evident in his cultured voice. “I’m glad you’re here. He just woke up a few minutes ago.”
“Sorry I’m late,” Gibbs replied.
“Don’t apologize,” Tony mumbled. “Sign of…weakness.”
“Yeah,” the team leader said. “It’s also a stupid rule.”
DiNozzo had intended to ask Gibbs what he had meant by that last statement, but his attention was diverted when he noticed two other men standing in his doorway. They obviously weren’t doctors and Tony thought that one of them looked vaguely familiar to him.
“Who are they?” he tiredly asked.
“My babysitters,” the former Marine growled.
“What?”
“I’ll explain it later.” Gibbs glanced up at Ducky. “Can you give us a few minutes?”
“Of course, Jethro,” Ducky conceded. “I’ll go and see what’s keeping Dr. Winesett.”
“Thanks, Duck.”
Tony swallowed hard, wincing at the pain that action caused him. His throat was scratchy and sore, a sure sign that anesthesia had been used on him at some point during his stay.
“You okay?” Gibbs asked.
“Throat’s dry.”
“I’m sure they’ll at least let you have some ice chips after the doctor looks you over.”
“I’d rather…have…hot chocolate. Makes my throat feel better.”
“He probably won’t go for that,” Gibbs said as he sat down in the chair beside his bed.
“So…why am I here?” Tony inquired.
“What’s the last thing you remember?”
He cleared his throat , hoping that his voice sounded stronger that he actually felt. “Catching up…to the kidnappers.”
“Anything else?”
Tony closed his eyes as he tried to force his memories to return. He recalled getting out of the car with his weapon drawn and being fired upon. DiNozzo vaguely remembered his shoulder feeling like it was on fire and then hitting the ground. “I…was…shot?” he reluctantly asked.
“Yeah, you took one in the shoulder and another bullet grazed your side.”
“More scars. It’s a good…thing…women love scars,” Tony quipped. “When…can…I…go home?”
“Not for a while.”
“Hate hospitals,” he slurred. “I’ll rest…better at home.”
The senior agent saw Gibbs’ jaw tightly clench as the older man looked away. It was almost as if the team leader was purposefully avoiding making eye contact with him. He had never seen the ex-Marine looking so unsure of himself, at least not since Gibbs had been seriously injured in that explosion several years ago and had lost his memory. “Gibbs?” he quietly called out.
“Yeah?”
“Something wrong?”
“I know you well enough that I know you want the truth, so I’m not going to beat around the bush,” he said.
“I appreciate that, Boss.”
Gibbs raked his hand through his hair, sighing in defeat. “You took two bullets to the back.” The older man’s eyes exuded a mix of sympathy, pain, and regret. “The bullets did a lot of damage to your spinal cord.”
Tony didn’t need for Gibbs to say anymore. He had first thought that the numbness he was experiencing was possibly due to the anesthesia. DiNozzo had never considered the possibility that there was another explanation as to why he couldn’t feel anything below his waist. His automatic reaction was to try and move his leg. If he could just move it a little bit, then he would have no cause to worry; there would have been no permanent damage and he would be able to walk out of this hospital.
His brow furrowed in concentration as he silently willed his brain to tell his leg to move. Nothing. Gritting his teeth, he tried once again, determined for any part of his lower body to move; he would even settle for a twitch. Again, nothing happened.
“Tony?”
He looked up to see Gibbs now standing over him. “Tony, I need you to listen to me,” the ex-Marine pleaded.
“Is it…permanent?” he wanted to know.
“It’s too early to tell.”
“The truth.”
Gibbs nodded. “Yeah, it’s permanent. One of the bullets partially severed your spinal cord. You’ve still got some swelling and some bullet fragments that the doctors couldn’t chance removing just yet. We’ll know the full extent of the damage in a few days. Right now, you need to rest and give your body a chance to heal.”
Tony wasn’t sure how he was supposed to react. He had just learned that he was paralyzed and he had no idea what to do next. Was he supposed to cry? Was he supposed to be angry and throw things? Was he supposed to simply go on like nothing had happened?
“Was it…worth it?” his voice was almost inaudible, but he knew that Gibbs had heard his question.
“What do you mean?”
“Sarah?”
“She’s fine. Thanks to you.”
“Good.”
“Did I…” Tony chewed on his bottom lip as he struggled with his warring emotions. “Did I…screw up?”
“No, Tony. This was not your fault,” Gibbs tried to assure him.
“Did I let…the second guy…get behind me?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” the ex-Marine forcibly repeated.
“Then what happened?” he asked, his exhaustion threatening to overwhelm him.
Gibbs gently squeezed his hand. Tony saw the team leader look over at the two men standing in the doorway as if seeking permission for something. “I can’t go into details right now,” Gibbs said. “Just remember that it wasn’t your fault.”
“What do you…mean…you can’t…go into details?”
“I just can’t. I just need you to know that I’m sorry and…” Gibbs closed his eyes as his grip on Tony’s hand tightened. “I’m sorry.”
Tony couldn’t believe this was happening. He had just learned that he was paralyzed and Gibbs was being tight lipped about how it happened. DiNozzo wondered what the older man was hiding from him. Whatever it was, it had something to do with the two strangers standing at his door.
“Agent Gibbs, your time is up,” the taller of the two men announced.
“Just a couple of more minutes,” Gibbs snapped.
“What…the hell…is going on?” Tony gasped. “Tell me the truth!”
“There’s an IA investigation into the shooting and they’re afraid I’m going to influence your statement. That’s why I can’t give you anymore information; they don’t want you covering for me.”
“Covering for you? I’m the one…who screwed…up.”
“No you didn’t.”
Tony closed his eyes. He didn’t care what Gibbs said. He had to have screwed up and now he was paralyzed because of his own carelessness.
“Look at me,” Gibbs ordered. “You did nothing wrong. We’ll talk about this later. I’ve already told you too much and your doctor is not going to be happy with me.”
“”Don’t leave,” Tony cried out, inwardly cursing his own weakness. “Please don’t leave me.
“If I want to be able to see you again, I have to do what these guys say, at least for now. I’ll be back in a little later and we’ll talk some more.”
Not trusting himself to speak, Tony nodded as he watched the team leader leave with the other two men. He knew for there to be an IA investigation, that something had to have gone terribly wrong and Gibbs was covering for him. Why couldn’t he remember taking those two bullets in the back? He remembered getting shot in the shoulder and side, but after that, images became distorted and Tony didn’t know what was real and what was actually part of a bad dream.
How he wished that this was all just a nightmare. Tony wanted to be able to wake up and walk out of the hospital but it wasn’t going to happen. He was paralyzed and he had no one but himself to blame. In one split second, his life had drastically changed and unfortunately, in life, there were no do overs.
As he lay there, he thought about what Gibbs had said. The man had insisted that it wasn’t his fault, but he still wasn’t convinced. Was Gibbs trying to take the blame for his mistake? He needed to know what happened, but Gibbs and Ducky seemed to be dancing around the subject.
His private thoughts were interrupted by Ducky, who was being followed by another man. Tony assumed that this stranger was Dr. Winesett.
“Agent DiNozzo? I’m Dr. Winesett.”
“I kind of figured as much.”
“Agent Gibbs told me that he told you about the shooting and the fact that you took two bullets in the back.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m going to look you over first and then we’ll talk some more. I don’t want to wear you out since you’ve just woke up, but I also want to be honest with you and let you know where we stand right now.”
Again, Tony nodded. He had so many questions going through his mind, but he was so tired that he couldn’t even begin to formulate a coherent verbal response. He obediently answered the physician’s questions with a nod or a shake of a head as he struggled to stay awake. He wanted to hear what Dr. Winesett had to say as much as he wanted to hear the truth about the shooting.
Chapter End Notes:
I'm getting ready to go out of town this weekend, so I thought I'd go ahead and post this chapter. I'm working on the next chapters of my other stories so I can get them up before Thanksgiving. Thanks so much for reading and I truly appreciate the kind words and wonderful support! Enjoy the post and have a great weekend.