Tony wanted nothing more than to give in to the warm embrace of slumber as it beckoned him with open arms. Perhaps if he fell asleep and woke up again, he would discover that he was merely having a bad dream. Of course, the sharp pain now radiating from his shoulder reminded him that this wasn’t a bad dream; this was fast becoming his worst nightmare.
A low groan escaped his lips as the doctor probed the tender flesh around where the bullet hole had entered his shoulder. He knew that the bullet had been removed and the damage repaired, but that knowledge did nothing to dampen the agony. Although Tony was hurting, he found himself welcoming the pain; it meant that at least the upper half of his body still worked.
“I’m sorry, Tony,” Dr. Winesett apologized, interrupting his private musings. “I just wanted to make sure there’s no inflammation or infection around the surgical site.”
“It’s okay,” he mumbled, his reply barely audible.
“Everything looks good,” the physician informed him. “It will take a while for it to mend, but I don’t think you’ll have any problems with your shoulder down the road.”
“Except when it rains.”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”
“Gibbs’ shoulder always bothers him when it rains.”
Tony didn’t know why he had even made that comment, except for the fact that he had personally observed the team leader favoring that shoulder when it was cold or damp. Gibbs had been shot in the shoulder by Ari Haswari several years ago and was still physically suffering from the repercussions of that particular encounter.
“My uh…Boss…was shot in the shoulder once. Still hurts him when it’s damp,” he tiredly explained.
“I see. Well…”
“But it doesn’t stop him from doing his job.”
“I’m sure it doesn’t.”
Tony watched as the doctor carefully replaced the bandage. Winesett then proceeded to examine his side where he had been grazed by the second bullet. This time, the agent could only feel a slight pressure as the physician checked the wound; there was no searing pain and that realization troubled him greatly.
“That…um…that doesn’t hurt like my shoulder does,” Tony rasped.
Dr. Winesett appeared to be ignoring him, but the silent exchange of glances between him and Ducky told him other wise. Tony had almost forgotten that the ME was still in the room with him; the Scotsman had been unusually quiet, which was completely out of character for the older man. The agent closed his eyes, struggling to keep his emotions under control; he could not permit himself to show weakness in front of anyone. He had been taught at a young age that DiNozzo’s did not admit or demonstrate vulnerability to family or strangers. It had been one of the few lessons that had followed him throughout his life.
“Tony?” Ducky gently called to him. “Try and stay awake, my boy. Just for a little while longer.”
“I’m not asleep, Ducky,” he assured the older man.
“Oh. Well, not that I could blame you if you were; you’ve had a rather grueling couple of days.”
“Guess so.”
“Can I get you anything?”
“Nope. Just waiting.”
“Waiting for what?” the ME inquired, a hint of confusion in his cultured voice.
Tony opened his eyes and met Ducky’s worried gaze. “For someone to tell me what’s going on.”
“In due time, Anthony; in due time. First, Dr. Winesett wants to check you over and then we’ll talk.”
“Seems…like he should be…done by now.”
“Patience, Tony,” Ducky gently admonished. “I promise you that he will answer all your questions.”
The senior agent sighed. “He told me that…twenty minutes ago.”
“Your perception of time is a little off. He’s only been in here for ten minutes.”
“I’m on Gibbs time,” he quipped.
“I suppose that explains your lack of patience.”
It was just a few more seconds before Dr. Winesett addressed him. “Agent DiNozzo, you can stop talking about me like I’m not here.”
Tony glared at the doctor who had elected to ignore his earlier comment. “It’s a two way street, Doc.”
“You’re right,” the physician conceded. “I should have answered you earlier and…’
“Yeah, you should have,” he sharply retorted.
“I won’t make that mistake again,” Winesett promised.
“In that case, we’ll just call it a misunderstanding and start fresh.”
Both Ducky and Winesett smile at him. Tony wasn’t trying to be a difficult patient, but he was going to make sure that this doctor understood that he expected complete honesty and would not settle for anything less. Another trait that he and Gibbs shared.
Gibbs. He wished that team leader had not been forced to leave. Tony had a feeling that he would be able to handle the news that he was about to receive a lot better if the former Marine would have been allowed to stay. Gibbs wouldn’t give him the chance to feel sorry for himself and right now, the young man knew that he needed that extra push to stay out of the trap of self-pity and self-loathing that he was tempted to wallow in.
He took a deep breath and slowly blew it out. “I guess it’s the moment of truth, Doc.”
Dr. Winesett pulled up another chair and sat down. “Agent Gibbs informed you that you were shot twice in the back,” he began.
“Yeah, he did. The details of the shooting are still a little fuzzy,” he admitted.
“I’m sure things will become clearer in a few days.”
“I hope so.”
“With the amount of trauma that your body has been subjected to, it’ll take a couple of days for your mind to make sense of what happened. Right now, I’m going to give you an idea of what we’re looking at right now.”
Tony swallowed hard, suddenly unsure if he was truly prepared to hear what Dr. Winesett had to say. He forced himself to focus on the physician’s words as he began to elaborate on his condition.
“Shrapnel from one of the bullets tore your right ureter, which is the tube connecting the kidney and the bladder. Some of the fragments were imbedded in your right kidney, but we managed to remove them and repair the damage to the ureter and the kidney. We’re going to have to monitor your kidney and bladder function for a while to make sure that everything is working lie it’s supposed to.”
The agent sighed. “Guess that constitutes the good news?”
“What do you mean?”
“The doctors on TV always deliver the good news before the bad news; I figure you’re doing the same thing.”
Dr. Winesett grinned. “You watch too much TV.”
“You have no idea,” Ducky interjected.
“I’ve been told that…a time or two,” Tony added. “So, what’s the bad news?”
The doctor leaned forward slightly. “Keep in mind that you have a great deal of swelling around your spinal cord and so…”
“Doc, please. I need to know. Gibbs already told me…” Tony paused for a brief second, tamping down his warring emotions. “I just need to hear it from you.”
“Since you were shot at such a close range, the damage is quiet severe,” the doctor continued. “Your spinal cord has been partially severed between the T10 and T11 vertebrae.”
Gibbs had told him that much, but Tony wanted to know more. “What’s that mean?”
“Your spinal cord is divided into different sections; you were shot in the lower part of what we call the thoracic region,” Winesett stated.
“Right about here, Anthony.” Ducky stood up so Tony could see him and pointed to the coinciding area on his own back.
Tony nodded, thankful that the ME was here to translate. His thoughts were still muddled and he knew that once the fog cleared from his mind, he would have even more questions that he needed answers to.
“That’s right,” Dr. Winesett remarked. “Because of the location, your paralysis will basically be from your lower waist down. You will still have excellent control of your upper body, especially after your shoulder heals.”
“You said my spinal cord was…partially severed,” Tony recalled. “Can’t you fix it?”
“I wish it were that simple, Agent DiNozzo.”
“Yeah, so do I,” he solemnly replied. “So, this paralysis is definitely permanent?”
The saddened expression in the physician’s eyes was the only answer that he needed. Gibbs had already told him that the paralysis was permanent and although he knew the team leader wouldn’t lie to him, Tony couldn’t help but hope that Gibbs had simply misunderstood the prognosis. Who was he kidding? Gibbs didn’t misunderstand anything.
“Yes,” the doctor replied. “But like I said, there’s a lot of swelling and…”
Tony didn’t want to hear anymore. At least not right now. He needed to time to process what had happened and figure out how he was going to live his life without the use of his legs. He was a field agent and at the moment, he wasn’t exactly sure how he was supposed to do his job if he couldn’t walk.
“Could you give me a few minutes alone, Doc?” he quietly asked..
The doctor nodded. “We’ll talk more later. I’ll be back in to check on you in a few hours. Right now, you need to rest.”
“Yeah,” was the only answer that he could bring himself to give.
Tony closed his eyes, mentally chastising himself for being so careless. His life had been changed in a split second and he wasn’t even sure how or why it happened. He tried to compel the fog to lift from his clouded mind, but it was useless; all he had succeeded in doing was further exacerbating his headache.
“Anthony?” Ducky gently patted his arm. “Are you all right?”
“I need to be alone, Ducky.”
“All right, but just remember that this isn’t the end of the world. Consider this to be a new adventure.”
He knew the ME meant well, but he wasn’t in the mood to be inundated with platitudes of false hope. “Ducky, please not now. Just leave me alone.”
“I’ll be right outside,” the older man stated. “If you need anything…”
“I know, Ducky. Thanks.”
Once he knew that the ME was gone, he silently willed his leg to move. His brain was issuing the order, but his body was ignoring the command. “Come on, damn it! Move!” Tony grunted.
A fine sheen of sweat broke out on his brow as he continued to try and force his legs to move. Still there was nothing; not even a twitch. The only thing that he was rewarded with for his effort was an increased feeling of exhaustion. He really didn’t want to sleep but once again, his body was not cooperating with his demands.
He wasn’t sure how long he simply laid there with his eyes closed before he began to drift off to sleep. Tony no longer had the hope that everything that had happened had been a dream, because he knew for certain that his reality would now involve spending the rest of his life in a wheelchair.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Ziva paced the small waiting room outside of the Intensive Care Unit. She had wanted to see Tony, but Gibbs had been with him. Knowing how important it was for the team leader to be with DiNozzo when he woke up, she had elected to wait. It had already been a long night, so she figured that a few more minutes wouldn’t make that much of a difference.
She and McGee had made copies of all their files before they had been taken by IA. After the IA team had left, she, McGee, and Abby had all agreed that they needed to get some rest. They knew that they would be useless to Gibbs and Tony if they were too tired to do their jobs; they needed to be sharp and focused in order to withstand the scrutiny of the IA team.
She had decided that before she went home that she would go and see Tony. Ziva knew that the doctor was allowing him to wake up and if Gibbs was not permitted to be with him, perhaps she would be able to stand in his place. Upon her arrival, she learned that the former Marine was with Tony and did not want to intrude.
Ziva had not been waiting too long when she heard the door open and Gibbs entered the small room. She watched as he headed for the coffee pot and poured himself a cup of the steaming liquid. Ziva could sense his anger as it coursed through his body; his jaw was tightly clenched and she could see the vein in his temple pulsing in time with his accelerated heart rate.
“Gibbs?” she softly called out to him.
He whirled around, managing not to spill a drop of coffee as his eyes narrowed into his steely gaze. “What?” he snapped.
“I was just wondering how Tony was.”
“He’s just been told that he’s never going to walk again, Ziva. How do you think he’s doing?”
Ziva bristled at his sharp tone. “You are not the only one who’s worried about him. He’s my partner and my friend too,” she reminded him.
His expression softened slightly. “You’re right, Ziva. I didn’t mean to take my frustrations out on you.”
“Is that an apology?”
Gibbs took a sip of his coffee. “Closest one you’re going to get.”
“In that case, maybe you can answer my question without biting my head off.”
Her dark eyes followed the team leader as he sat down in one of the chairs. Ziva couldn’t recall a time that she had ever seen Gibbs appear to be so defeated.
“I’m not sure he really believes that he’s paralyzed,” Gibbs stated. “I don’t know if it’s the drugs in his system or he’s just refusing to accept the facts. He thinks that this whole thing is his fault and even though I told him he didn’t screw up, I can tell that he wasn’t convinced. The doctor was going in as I was leaving; maybe Winesett will be able to get through to him.”
“Does he remember the shooting?” Ziva inquired.
“Not all of it. He thinks he did something wrong and I can’t really tell him otherwise. I kept telling him that he didn’t mess up, but he’s still blaming himself.”
“I’m sure that he will remember in time.”
“I know he will. I guess that’s what I’m afraid of. He’s going to finally remember that I’m the one who put those two bullets in his back.”
“Gibbs, it was an accident,” she attempted to reason.
He took another drink of coffee and set his cup down on the table in front of him. “I’ve got a meeting with IA at 1300. I need to get my thoughts together.”
“Everything will work out.”
“I hope so, Ziva. For Tony’s sake.”
“I was hoping that I could catch you before you left.”
She and Gibbs turned at the sound of the ME’s voice. The team leader rose from his seat and in two strides was standing face to face with Ducky.
“What’s wrong?” Gibbs demanded to know.
“Nothing. Tony just asked for a few minutes alone,” Ducky explained. “He needed some time to mull over what Dr. Winesett told him. You know Tony.”
“Don’t leave him alone too long,” Gibbs warned. “He’ll let his thoughts run away with him.”
“I’ll go and sit with him for a while,” Ziva volunteered.
“I would welcome the break, my dear. Not that staying with Anthony is a burden, there are just some things that I need to get done,” the ME clarified.
“I don’t mind at all.”
Ziva gathered her things and left the two men alone, quickly making her way towards Tony’s room. She nodded a silent greeting to the nurses as she walked past their work station. Peering into his room, she studied the now sleeping form of her partner. Aside from the bandaged shoulder and the assorted IV’s, Tony did not look as if he had just received a debilitating injury.
She quietly entered and sat in the chair next to his bed. Ziva picked up his hand, careful not disturb him. “There has to an easier way to get a date with a nurse,” she teasingly whispered.
Tony didn’t answer, but then again, she didn’t expect one. “I’m sorry this happened to you, Tony. But you have to remember that being paralyzed does not change the man you are.”
Ziva had a feeling that the road ahead was not going to be easy, especially once Tony learned the truth about what happened. There would be anger, denial, guilt, and a myriad of other emotions that they all would have to help him through, but they would be there for him. She would be there for him. He was her friend and as he had proven to her time and time again over the years, friends were always there for each other.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“I’ll be back after I’m done talking to the investigators,” Gibbs stated as he drained the rest of his cup.
“I assume you’ll have your escorts?” Ducky inquired.
“Yeah. I’ll play their game for a little longer.”
“I’m sorry, Jethro. I’m sorry it has to be this way.”
“It’s not your fault, Duck. I’ve only got myself to blame.”
“Blaming yourself will not help Tony,” the ME pointed out. “He really doesn’t understand the full extent of his injury yet. There will be issues that are going to arise that Tony probably hasn’t even considered.”
Gibbs raked his hand through his salt and pepper hair. Ducky was right. Tony knew that he could no longer walk, but that was just the beginning. Mundane tasks that were usually taken for granted would become difficult and time consuming.
“I know, Duck,” he finally replied.
“I don’t think you do, Jethro. There will be other physical problems that Tony will have to deal with other than his inability to walk. He’s more than likely going to have problems with his bladder and bowels, not to mention being more susceptible to infections and…”
“I get the picture!” Gibbs barked.
“I didn’t mean to upset you. I just think that if we’re going to help Tony, we have to be prepared to face the same reality he’s going to face.”
“If Tony can handle it, then we will too.”
“Of course we will,” the ME encouraged.
“We’re going to get him through this,” he vowed.
Gibbs couldn’t begin to imagine not having Tony to watch his six. Although he trusted McGee and Ziva, the faith he placed in his senior agent was unflappable. However, he had shattered DiNozzo’s trust by putting two bullets in his back and he wouldn’t blame Tony if the young man wanted to nothing more to do with him.
“Jethro…”
“I’ve got to go, Duck. I’ve got to talk to IA at 1300.”
“Don’t let them crucify you,” Ducky warned. “Tony’s going to need you.”
“I know,” he replied unconvincingly.
“Don’t crucify yourself. Tony wouldn’t want that either.”
Gibbs curtly nodded, not trusting his voice to answer the ME. He would not cover up his mistake and he didn’t expect anyone else to lie for him; his carelessness had forced Tony to pay the ultimate price and he owed it to DiNozzo to tell the truth. Gibbs got in his car and sped off towards the Navy Yard, uncertain of what his future would hold.
Chapter End Notes:
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