Gibbs watched his now-wife’s belly grow and fretted over her constantly. She started her maternity leave a little earlier than was strictly necessary, but he’d been quite adamant about it since the extra strain on her body exhausted her so much. So when he got the call, a whole month early, that she had gone into labour, he rushed out of the building, barking last minute orders at his confused team. It was over surprisingly quickly, although he knew it must’ve felt like a century to Sarai who hadn’t made a sound since he’d arrived. Her silence worried the doctors beyond belief, but Gibbs could see the determined light in her eyes and as long as he saw that, he was confident that she was alright. When everything was over and he, Sarai, and the two tiny bundles that they held had been moved out of the delivery room, Gibbs kissed her forehead, relieved. “I guess you were right.” He laughed, brushing her hair back from her eyes.
“I am always right.” She teased.
“In that case, maybe you’d better name them.” He said seriously. “I might screw up.”
“Jaedyn and Benjamin.” She said promptly, then backpedaled. “What do you think?”
He looked down at their son in her arms, and the infant’s big, dark eyes stared back at him, then he looked to the tiny, delicate girl in his own. “That sounds perfect.” He agreed gently.
She smiled, pleased. “Jaedyn Kelly Gibbs and Benjamin Jasper Gibbs.” She murmured, turning the names over on her tongue.
He glanced at her, touched. “Thank you.” He said quietly, leaning in to kiss her.
“Names,” she replied. “Are a very powerful thing. You can honour someone with them, or you can burden them with it. Jaedyn is honouring someone important to her father.”
He smiled gratefully. “Shall I put Kyra or Razi?” he asked, only half joking.
She thought for a moment, eyes on their son. Much as she wanted to connect her real name with her children, it wasn’t wise. “Kyra Gibbs.” She replied slowly. “But thank you for asking.”
“I like this.” He said thoughtfully, filling out the birth certificates. “It’s not exactly what I’d imagined, but I like it anyway.”
“Good. I never thought I would say this, but I like being a civilian.” Added Sarai. “And I like being normal, and I like being yours.”
Two months later.
Sarai glanced through the peephole in the door when she heard the knock, and her heart dropped. She opened the door slowly, holding Jaedyn tightly to her chest, and stepped back to let Ducky in. “Jethro?” she whispered, her breath catching in her throat.
“Stable.” Assured the Scotsman gently.
Sarai closed her eyes in relief, but then she remembered what ‘stable’ meant. “Would you like anything Ducky?” she asked automatically, going into the living room.
“May I?” he asked, casting a fond glance at the little girl he’d gotten to see on occasion in the last two months. Sarai passed Jaedyn to him and they sat down on the couch. “She’s getting bigger and more beautiful every day.” He cradled the baby fondly as she looked up at him with curious, silver-flecked blue eyes.
“That she is.” Agreed Sarai. She bit her lip and finally asked the question she was afraid to have answered. “What happened to him?”
Ducky sighed and looked up at her. “A bomb went off on a ship. He and another agent were the only ones in the cabin, and Jethro seems to have gotten off lucky. He got out of surgery an hour ago.”
She dropped her head into her hands, rubbing her temples and taking a shuddering breath. “Who is with him?” she asked quietly.
“The Director and Abigail.” Replied Ducky.
“Damn.” She breathed, more to herself than Ducky. “Damn.”
“I’ll call you the moment he wakes up my dear.” Promised Ducky. “He’ll pull through, he always does.”
One week later.
Gibbs opened his eyes, glancing around blearily, and they landed on the young woman asleep in the chair by his hospital bed. She seemed to hear the slight rustle as he sat up and her eyes fluttered open. She smiled at him gently. “Welcome back Gunny.” She said quietly.
Her accent was heavy, but it sounded beautiful to him. “I’m sorry, maám, I don’t really remember much right now.” He said respectfully. Something about her tugged at his memory, but he couldn’t catch the feeling long enough to remember.
She didn’t seem to mind though, and her voice was still gentle when she spoke again. “Fall, ‘92. You joined NIS after Shannon and Kelly died.” He closed his eyes, grief and pain washing over him again. “And you met me.”
He looked up warily. “We work together?” he asked.
“We met through work.” Laughed Sarai quietly. “Maybe our orders even made us cross paths, but we were hardly on the same team. I was blonde at the time, if it helps any.”
“I’m sorry, I still don’t....” he trailed off as an image flashed in his head for a second. The petite blonde standing over a dead dealer, the gun still in her hand. Then the same woman smiling up at him as the Acura roared down the street. “I think I’d really rather you didn’t kill me.” He told her, dryly.
She laughed again, a little brighter this time. “I may have done things a little differently, Jethro, but we were always on the same side.”
“Were?” he clarified, a faint nervousness in his eyes.
“I have been retired for over a year.” She agreed. “We are still on the same side, I am just not playing the game anymore.”
He frowned, confused. “Then why are you here?”
Sarai leaned forward a little and he could see her green eyes sparkling even in the darkness. “Moscow,” she replied, by way of explanation. “Fall of ’99, still blonde.”
Her sweet breath spilled over him and made him dizzy as he spun backwards. She felt incredible and tasted even better, he thought to himself vaguely before he snapped back to the present, his breathing slightly less steady than he would have liked. She smiled again, like she knew which images were playing through his head. “But according to the doctors, that’s still nine years ago.” He pointed out. “If we haven’t seen each other since then....” a tiny sound cut him off, and she was no longer paying attention to him, murmuring in another language to something by her feet. He squinted a little in the dark, not quite sure if he was seeing what he thought he was seeing.
“I went to Israel after.” She informed him, not looking up from Jaedyn and Benjamin’s car-seat. “And you went back to DC. When I quit, I decided that I would like to go back to where I grew up in Quantico. I teach now, political history, believe it or not.”
“Who better to teach it than a spy?” he chuckled to himself, before pausing. “That is what you were, right?”
“So were you.” She flashed a smile at him before going back to the twins. “They miss their Papá.” She murmured, half to herself and half to him. “He has never been gone more than a day or two before.” She lifted an unhappy Jaedyn out of the rocker, settling her on her shoulder and pressing her cheek to the girl’s head as she murmured to her in Hebrew.
“Does he know what you used to do?” asked Gibbs curiously.
She nodded. “Yes. He knows some of it, but not all. It is better that way, yes?”
He shrugged. “Depends on who he is I suppose. I still don’t understand why you’re here.”
“I had hoped you would remember on your own.” Sighed Sarai. She kissed bounced her daughter gently. “Would you like to hold her?” she asked.
“Sure.” She laid Jaedyn carefully in Gibbs’s arms, smiling as the little girl burrowed into her father’s warmth. “She’s a pretty little thing, isn’t she? What’s her name?”
“Jaedyn.” Answered Sarai. “Jaedyn Kelly Gibbs.”
As if she’d recognized her name, Jaedyn turned her head to stare up at her father with his own pale blue eyes. He saw those eyes looking up at him, but Sarai was the one in the hospital bed, pain written all over her face even though her lips were pressed tightly together to hold in her screams. And then farther back, the Israeli asleep next to him, his hand on her belly as he spoke softly to the twins. Then even before that, the day he’d proposed to her, the way her eyes glowed at him whenever she looked at him. “Oh, God.” He whispered, his eyes darting over to Sarai. “Razi, I....How could I forget? I’m so sorry, I....”
She put a finger to his lips, laughing. “You forgot everybody, it is alright. Ducky warned me before I came.”
“Why didn’t anyone else tell me I was married?” he asked in disbelief. “That I had kids again?”
She swallowed and leaned back. “No one else knows.” She said quietly. “I am not someone that can simply retire from the business and expect to be left alone. Since both Ziva and Jen are in contact with my father.... We thought it would be best if no one knew. As far as the rest of the world is concerned, Kyra Davis has no connection with the woman who left Israel or with you. Ducky only knew so that if something like...like this happened, I would be told before the reporters were.”
“You’re hiding from Mossad.” Remembered Gibbs.
“Yes, I....”
Just then, Ducky poked his head into the room. “The Director is on her way, my dear.” He said. “Ah, Jethro, you’re awake.”
“I have to go.” Murmured Sarai. Gibbs passed Jaedyn back reluctantly and Sarai squeezed his hand gently. “I will be back when I can.”
“Bye.” He watched her vanish down the hallway and shook himself a little, trying to sort out his emotions and thoughts. He remembered that he’d been with Sarai for almost a year, and the time they’d spent together before then, but he still couldn’t make himself believe that it wasn’t 1991, and it felt like a betrayal to love the dark beauty when Shannon was so recently dead, or he thought she was. “Ouch. Damnit.” He sighed, rubbing his head. It would make more sense eventually, wouldn’t it?
One more week.
“It is not that easy Jethro!” she exclaimed, watching him throw together a small bag, just the basics. “It takes a little more than me packing a bag and walking out the door!”
He zipped up his bag, still furious at himself, at Jen, at the idiots who ran the government, everyone but his wife and the two infants who were sleeping quietly in their crib. He pulled Sarai up against him, a little more roughly than he’d meant to, and kissed her hard. “Do whatever you need to do and come join me then.” He rasped. “I can’t stay here baby girl, not after this.” He kissed her again, softer this time, and her eyes were hazy and confused when he pulled away. “You’ll come?” he asked, pulling the bedroom door open. She nodded mutely and he left, headed for a beach in Mexico where he could get away from all the people and the politics.
A couple of days later, Gibbs smiled when he felt his wife’s slim arms slide over his shoulders. “My handsome marine.” She murmured, resting her forehead on his shoulder lightly. “You build more than boats, hmm?”
He turned around, ducking his head to kiss her, but she moved just a little to avoid his lips. He paused, holding her close. “What’s up?” he asked, concerned. It was then that he realized she was by herself. “Where are Jae and Ben?”
“At home.” She replied, not looking at him.
“Why?” He tucked a loose strand of hair back behind her ear and let go of her.
She sighed. “I am not staying Jethro. You cannot support all four of us on just your retirement check, even here. It would have been difficult enough with both our salaries.”
“It’ll be fine, Raz.” he laughed.
But Sarai shook her head sadly. “You are not thinking this through, Jethro. There will not be enough money, and I will not be able to get a job here.”
He frowned. “I’m not going back to NCIS.” He told her firmly.
“You do not have to.” She assured him. “I understand that perfectly, you know that. But...can’t you be retired in Virginia?” she pleaded.
“This is no different from when you quit Raz.” He said, shaking his head. “You got the hell out of Israel, I needed to get the hell away from all of it. There’s no difference.”
“Yes, there is!” she exclaimed, frustrated with his stubbornness. “When I left, it was just me. I only had to worry about my own sanity, not anyone else’s needs. We have children, Jethro! Babies! You cannot make a decision like this without thinking everything through. You have responsibilities! I gave you every chance to back out of them and you did not, so now you have to deal with them.” She paused and took a breath to calm herself. “You have two choices.” She told him quietly, running her hands over his chest absently. “You do not have to come home right away, you have earned your retirement, you have earned a break. Stay here for a while, relax, it will be good for you, but I have to go back and look after our children. Now, you can stay and have this nice little bachelor pad with Mike for the rest of your life, or you can come home.” She touched his cheek, drawing his eyes back to hers. “The man I fell in love with, the one I married, he would come home, it could be today, it could be two weeks from now, but he would come home. What is your choice?” She watched his face, waiting for an answer, and she could see his choice in his eyes. He saw the cool blankness silence the green eyes he loved so much and he thought he might even have seen some disgust. Sarai leaned up and kissed him as hard as she could. “Just remember that this was your own Goddamned fault.” She murmured against his mouth, giving him one last kiss before she strode away from the small house.
“If you let that girl walk away, you’ll be making the biggest mistake of your life.” Pointed out Mike from the porch. They watched her disappear and Mike shook his head. “She’s right you know. Sixteen years ago, your family was taken from you, now you letting it go by choice.” He drawled. “You ain’t the same man you were Probie.”
Gibbs ignored him and hauled himself back up to the roof to work on repairs.
Ducky helped her buckle the twins into their car-seats the next day, and somehow she was managing to hide the fact that her heart had been shattered like glass, that she was on the verge of tears. “Thank you so much for looking after them, Ducky.” She said. “You did not have to, but it was very helpful.”
“It was my pleasure, my dear.” Smiled Ducky. “I’m just glad you got him to change his mind. Besides, it’s good for them to have a few days with another ME, I won’t be working forever. Did he say when he was coming back? Because I’d be happy to....”
“No thank you.” She shook her head, not letting him finish. “It is very sweet, but no. I will see you later.” She climbed in the front seat and waved to him before driving off. When she reached the house, she brought the twins into the living room, sitting on the floor with them in her lap. She smiled as Ben squirmed away, determined to make it across the room under his own steam. Jaedyn stayed nestled in her lap, perfectly content to watch her brother and learn from his mistakes rather then make them herself, she always seemed to be the less adventurous of the two. When Ben finally admitted defeat and plopped down on the floor with a furious wail, Sarai dragged him back gently and held him to her breast. He suckled at her hungrily, his tiny hands fisted against the soft warmth that was his mother, and then he gave a raspy yawn and lay his head against her. She glanced down to see if Jaedyn was hungry too, but the baby girl was fast asleep in her lap. Sarai let her head fall back on the couch behind her, gazing up at the ceiling. What the hell was she going to do? She’d gotten herself into trouble so much worse than what she’d been warned about with Gibbs, and she’d burned all her bridges by now. She glanced at her phone, wishing it would ring and it would be her husband telling her he’d changed his mind, he was coming home, but she knew it wouldn’t. So she closed her eyes and wished for sleep to come, like it had for her children, but it never did.
After a week, when she realized that she couldn’t sleep in the house knowing as she did that he was never coming back, she started packing. It only took her a couple of hours to have everything packed, leaving the house exactly as it had been before she moved in. She’d had lots of experience just picking up and leaving, but it hurt this time, and she kept looking back at the house as she put boxes into her Acura, buckling the twins into the backseat. Just as she was finishing, Ducky’s Morgan pulled up in the driveway. The ME got out and it only took one look for him to know exactly what she was doing. “He isn’t coming back is he?” she shook her head mutely. “Where are you going my dear?” he asked gently.
“Anywhere.” She replied, her voice rough with the tears that were rolling down her cheeks.
“You can’t run forever Razi.” He said quietly.
“Sarai.” She corrected, wiping her eyes. “Razi is my middle name.”
He shook his head. “Regardless, Sarai, running solves nothing and will only exhaust you.”
“I was not going to run.” She sighed, closing the door. “I...I have a life here, I just cannot...” she looked up at him miserably. “I just cannot stay in the house. I, uh, I still have few months on my maternity leave, and then I will be back to work, so I...I need to be done moving before then.”
“Where are you going?” he asked again.
She shrugged. “I will find a place.”
“Well, I have a very big house, and no one in it.” Said Ducky thoughtfully.
“Oh, I couldn’t intrude, Ducky.” She murmured, smiling at the offer.
“Nonsense.” Replied the Scotsman firmly. “Plenty of room for the lovely lass and the two bonny babes, hmm?” he saw that she was going to argue, and raised a hand to stop her. “It’s an empty house that desperately needs a modern woman’s touch. I insist, my dear girl.”
She hugged him tightly. “Thank you Ducky.” She murmured gratefully. “Thank you so much.” She followed his car back to his house and he helped her carry her things up to the guest room. When they’d gotten the twins settled in for a nap, he led her downstairs and fixed a couple of cups of tea while she sat at the kitchen table. He gave one to her and she flashed him a grateful smile as he sat down. “Did Jethro ever tell you how we met?” she asked quietly.
“No.” Ducky shook his head. “Although he did imply that it something to do with his time in Moscow.”
She gave a small laugh, wiping at her eyes hastily. “I suppose that’s one way to look at it. It was not the first time, though. When I was a girl, almost fifteen, I did not do much spy work, just.... No one expects an assassin to be a child.” She finished bitterly. “But, uh, my mother sent me to Queens on an assignment, a drug dealer, nothing really big. And Jethro was on a stakeout there. I did not realize he was watching me until after, and I...I thought it was funny, so I smiled at him.” She paused, gazing down at her tea thoughtfully. “He reported the kill, but I was long gone, and a couple of months later, I was at the store with one of my contacts, and he saw me. We talked for a minute, or, I talked and he listened. And he let me go. It confused me, that he would do that, and I looked into him a little more. Then in Moscow, he thought I was tracking them, and he just started flirting with me. I do not know why I did it, I do not think I ever will, but I asked him if he wanted...if he wanted to come home with me.”
Ducky watched her intently, and she was far away, in her own memories. He touched her hand where it sat on the table and she looked up at him, brought back to reality. “I’m honoured that you would share this with me.” Said Ducky gently. “But, may I ask why?”
“Grandperé would have liked you.” She answered, wrapping her hands around her cup of tea. “You are a lot like him. He always told Mamá, you’re going to ruin that girl.” She said, fading back into memories. “They thought I could not hear them, but I could. He gave up eventually, he saw that I was having fun, so he just tried to keep me a child as much as he could. I hated him for it until he was killed, and then I understood. He was trying to keep me from entering that world before I was ready. But I was already in it then, so I made myself ready. That was all I had left to do.” She glanced up at Ducky curiously. “Would you mind if I told you a story?”
Her skin had taken on a golden tint over the months in the sun, and she looked more beautiful than ever. She was sitting in the sand, watching the tide lap at Jaedyn and Benjamin, and her eyes were warm and soft and happy, no hint of the old pain that used to always lurk just behind them. She seemed to feel him watching her and turned her head, laughing. He smiled back and walked over, sitting down next to her. She reached down to the water, cupping her hand and...
“I’m about out of patience with you Probie.” Declared Mike as he recapped the water bottle after having splashed his old partner with it. Gibbs sat up, slowly, rubbing his forehead. “It’s been four months since you went back to help clear that Israeli girl of yours, five since you first showed up here, and you still haven’t apologized to that pretty little thing you married. What the hell’s wrong with you?”
“Razi can take care of herself.” He muttered, slowly waking up. “Besides, she won’t take to well to me showing up at the front door until she’s cooled down a little.”
“Are you crazy?” demanded Mike. “Cooling down takes a couple of days, tops, it’s been months! You’ve basically told the girl you’re done with her Jethro! She’s probably been at her parents’ house for the last three months, and they’ve gotta be ready to kill you.”
Gibbs shook his head. “Razi isn’t going back to her parents.” He told Mike tiredly. “Look, what am I supposed to say to her Mike? Hey, sorry it took so long, but I’m ready to come home now, what’s for dinner? Really? She’d shoot me.”
“Yeah, well at this point, I’d say you deserve it.” Retorted Mike. “Besides, a little thing like that, she can’t be such a good shot.”
“The woman used to be a Mossad assassin, Mike.” Sighed Gibbs, rubbing his eyes and pushing himself to his feet. “She shoots me, that bullet’s going exactly where she wants it to.”
“Hell, that’s still no excuse!” exclaimed Mike. “I thought you were a marine, Probie, why don’t you act like one and tell her to her face that you’re done with her, instead of hiding behind a border like a coward.”
“I can’t tell her that.” muttered Gibbs.
“Why the hell not?” Mike demanded. “That’s what you’re saying by staying here, the only difference is, if you say it out loud, she can get on with her life, just go and tell her you want a divorce.”
“But I don’t!” retorted Gibbs, his temper getting the better of him. “Why the hell would I lie about that? I love her, why would I want a divorce?”
He stopped, realizing what he’d said, and Mike grinned. “You’re a damn fool, Jethro. If you love her, you’d better go and tell her that before she serves you divorce papers. You know you’ve been getting bored here anyway, you’re not ready to retire yet.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
When a bomb goes off on a ship, Gibbs is left with amnesia and struggles to reconcile his grief over Shannon and Kelly's death with the way he feels about Sarai. But in all the mess and confusion, he can't seem to make the right choices and her faith in him is fading quickly.
Chapter End Notes:
Okay, pretty much this whole chapter is a spoiler for Haitus. I'm very sorry, and I hope you all can forgive me for screwing up.