Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back
Gibbs was still in a state of shock from the announcement a minute later as he led the girl back over to the window seat, sitting down with her. She’d curled up into him, even though he was a stranger, and he hesitated a moment before putting his arm around her and hugging her to him. He rubbed her arm comfortingly, his chin resting on top of her head, and she cried for a while. When she finally straightened up, wiping her eyes again, he grabbed a box of tissues off the nearby table and held them out to her. She cast him a grateful glance. “Thanks.” She sniffed, dabbing at her startlingly blue eyes. She gave a little laugh. “Sorry about your shirt.”
“No problem.” He shrugged, gazing at her. She looked just like her mother, now that he was really looking. She was built the same way, had the same bowed lips and slender, curving frame. There was a German word he’d often used to describe Jenny, zaftig. She’d blushed every time he called her that, and it applied just as easily to her daughter. All it meant was beautiful, soft, and everything else that was meant to be feminine. “You’ve had a rough week.”
“That’s for sure.” She agreed wryly. “My name’s Cali by the way. Well, Callida, but no one calls me that. Mom liked fancy names.”
“Callida. It’s pretty.” He said, rolling the name off his tongue. “But it is a little much for a teenager, huh?”
She nodded sadly, twisting her hands in her lap. “When can I see her?”
“Soon.” Gibbs promised gently. “Do you have anyone you can stay with for a while? I’m afraid I can’t let you stay here alone now that I know you’re here.”
“No one.” Cali shook her head. “It was always just Mom and me, and I don’t really get along with anyone at school very well.”
“Alright.” He sighed, rubbing his forehead tiredly. “Why don’t you go pack a bag, and I’ll take you down to NCIS. We can figure out something from there, okay?” She nodded again and disappeared. About thirty minutes later, she returned with a duffel bag over her shoulder and a big, floppy, stuffed dog held tightly in her arms. He suppressed a smile at the sight of the stuffed animal, remembering the day Jenny had gotten it. They’d been at a carnival in Paris and the dog had sat in the stake-out apartment for the remainder of the Op as a symbol of her pride that she could out-shoot him. He sighed again and led Cali out to his car, putting her bag into the trunk. He backed out of the driveway carefully, and drove more sanely than usual. Each of them was lost in their own little world of grief, so nothing was said the entire trip. When he parked back at NCIS, he brought her down to Autopsy, holding her back just outside the door. “You sure you want to do this?” he asked.
Her eyes widened and she nodded, swallowing. “Yes.”
“Come on.” They walked through the sliding glass doors and Ducky glanced up from the file he was looking at. “Jenny still here Duck?”
“Uh, yes.” replied the ME, glancing at Cali in confusion. Her face had paled and her lower lip was trembling. “Locker 413.” He instructed, watching as Gibbs guided the teenager over.
The agent stepped back, letting Cali take her own time, and the girl took a deep breath before pulling the freezer door open. She grabbed the sliding table and yanked it out, staying perfectly still for a moment as she stared at the sheet-covered body. One shaky hand reached out and folded the sheet back, revealing the Director’s face. Cali stared at her mother silently, arms dangling by her sides as tears rolled down her cheeks. Suddenly, she lurched away, hurrying over to the sink and clutching the rim, white-knuckled, and threw up. Gibbs closed his eyes and stepped over to his lover’s body, touching her forehead before pushing the tray back in and closing the door. He moved over to Cali, staying a cautious several inches away from the girl. “You okay?”
“No!” she spat, angrily, and she looked almost identical to the NCIS Director in that moment. She was breathing heavily and she cupped her hands under the faucet, filling them with water and rinsing her mouth as best she could. “Would you be?” she demanded, glaring at him. He didn’t answer and she bowed her head over the sink, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself. “I didn’t want to believe she was really dead.” She whispered.”I kept telling myself she would come home. I was waiting for her when you showed up, just waiting for her to pull into the driveway. When it was you instead.... I guess I knew somewhere, I didn’t want to believe it though.”
“I know it’s hard, Cali.” He said gently. “But it’ll be okay. Jenny would want you to keep going. I’m sure she raised you to be strong.”
“How?” she asked, her voice breaking.
“Take it one day at a time until you figure that out.” He replied. “Do your best to live a good life, that’s all she needs from you.”
She looked up at him, exhausted and helpless. “Mom never told anyone about me, did she?” she asked, looking she would burst into tears again at the answer she already knew. “Not even you. What am I supposed to do?”
“What about your dad?” asked Gibbs but Cali just shrugged. “Right. Well the only other real option is foster care I guess.”
“Or I could go home.” Retorted Cali. “They have those special circumstances things, right? The ones that let kids live by themselves before they’re eighteen?”
“They’re not going to issue one to a girl who just lost her mother.” Gibbs shook his head. “But you know, it’s after hours on a Friday. No one’s going to be in Social Services anymore. Maybe someone on my team can look after you. At least for the weekend.” She smiled gratefully and he sighed, glancing over at Ducky who had watched the whole exchange with growing understanding. “Duck, this is Cali Sheppard, Jenny’s daughter.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss.” Said Ducky sincerely. “I wish we could have met under better circumstances my dear girl.”
“Me too.” Replied Cali mournfully. “Thank you for fixing her up Ducky. I’m sure she didn’t look nearly as good when you got her.”
The Scotsman shook his head. “She has never looked less than beautiful.” He corrected gently. “Something she appears to have passed on to you.”
Cali blushed and Gibbs smiled. He tapped Cali’s shoulder and she smiled at Ducky as she followed him out.
Tony and Ziva had both been very quiet since they got back from L.A. and McGee hadn’t managed to bring them out of their guilt and grief yet. All three of them looked up when the elevator dinged and Gibbs stepped off with a girl right behind him. He strode into the bull-pen and murmured to her quietly before gesturing for his team to come with him. Cali sat down at his desk and watched them leave, staring off into the distance. She felt someone watching her and looked up to see Leon Vance leaning against the railing on the floor above. He gazed at her inscrutably and she held his gaze confidently until he looked away, then she rolled her eyes and went back to staring into space.
The team stood behind the stairs up to the top floor, looking at Gibbs expectantly. “Do any of you have room for a house guest this weekend?” he asked.
“The girl?” asked Tony. He’d been running pretty much on auto-pilot since Jenny’s death, trying to avoid his emotions. “Why does she need to stay with one of us?”
“Because right now, she hasn’t got anywhere else to go.” Replied Gibbs with a sigh. “It seems Director Sheppard had a daughter.”
“What?” gasped Ziva, horrified.
Gibbs nodded. “Her name’s Cali, she’s been alone at Jen’s house since you three left for L.A. According to her, Jen never meant to come back alive.”
Tony closed his eyes briefly. “I haven’t got any room, Boss.” He sighed.
“Me either.” Agreed Ziva, the muscles in her neck tight at the knowledge that there had been nothing she could do to save her friend and boss.
“I could probably make some space.” Offered McGee. “If it’s just for a little while, I mean.”
“Thanks Tim.” Gibbs dipped his head to his youngest agent. “I’ve got her stuff in my car, you can all head home now. It’s late, and everyone needs some sleep.”
McGee couldn’t really sleep. Too much had happened and he hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep since Jenny’s death, knowing as he did that his partners and best friends were torturing themselves and there was nothing he could do to help them. He heard a soft clicking coming from the other room and frowned, getting up. He glanced out his bedroom door, watching the teenage girl type rapidly into the computer. “What’re you doing?” he asked, puzzled.
“When was the last time you cleaned out your computer files?” asked Cali absently. “You do a good job with all the complicated stuff, but you didn’t bother to make any sort of organization for your visible files. Everything’s spread out on your hard drive, there’s no connection, no filing system.”
He sighed, folding his arms over his chest and watching her appraisingly. “Let me guess, you clean when you’re upset.” He said, glancing around the apartment. Sure enough, his normally cluttered surfaces had been cleared off and polished.
“If I touched anything, I wrote a thorough description of the item, where it was and where I put it so you can put things back if you liked it better before.” She informed him, not looking up. “I also wrote out my system so you could replicate it in the future if you wanted. Mom hated cleaning.”
“You should get some sleep.” He pointed out gently. “I have to go in to work tomorrow, and you’re going to have to come with me. Don’t you have any homework or something?”
“I finished it earlier this...sorry, yesterday afternoon.” Replied Cali. “It’s not like I have a social life or anything after all.”
“You should.” Frowned McGee, watching her continue to reorganize his computer. “How old are you, sixteen? Seventeen?”
“Fifteen.” She corrected, finally glancing up at her host. She spun in the computer chair to face him, leaning back in it. “I’ll be sixteen in a couple of months. Mom was going to take me to Paris for my sweet sixteen. Work always kept her really busy, but she made sure she was always there for the important things.”
“You’re a sophomore?” He asked curiously. “And you know how to compartmentalize a hard drive?”
She smiled, looking pleased by his vague disbelief. “I’m a junior actually, and I’ve always been a fast learner.” Her smile faded a little. “That’s why the others don’t like me so much. I don’t get by on my family’s money and influence, I did the work.”
McGee felt an immediate kinship with the girl at this sentiment. “It gets better in the real world.” He assured her. “Money still means something, but not nearly as much. You would make a pretty good agent in few more years if you keep putting in the work. And your family’s service record wouldn’t hurt, although money wouldn’t do any good for you with the agencies.”
“I wanted to be an agent.” Agreed Cali. “But now I’m not so sure.”
“Losing someone is hard.” Comforted McGee. “And losing a parent is definitely one of the harder ones, but in my experience, some of the best cops are the ones who became cops after a loss. They’ve got more empathy and more drive than the others. Besides, Director Sheppard lasted almost thirty years with NCIS, half of it doing Special Ops with the CIA. She was an amazing agent, and a great Director. It’s in your blood.”
Cali glanced at him thoughtfully, remembering the stories Jenny had told her about her father. “Yeah, it is.”
“We’ve got to figure out where you’re going to go.” Sighed Gibbs, watching the teenager from across the empty bull-pen. He leaned back in his chair, clasping his hands behind his head and she gazed back at him, a challenging expression on her face as she mimicked his action. “You can’t stay with McGee for very long and I don’t think anyone here is too keen on the idea of shipping you off to a foster home. It’s very disruptive to your life, and Jenny was a friend.”
Cali looked at him thoughtfully, and he had the sudden feeling that the fifteen year old could see right into his soul. “You don’t like being around me.” She observed, not seeming much bothered by the fact. “I remind you of Mom, and you wonder why she never trusted you enough to mention that she had a kid.”
“It did cross my mind.” He admitted, decidedly amused by her observation. “But your wrong on that first point. I don’t mind being around you.”
She leaned forward, resting her arms on McGee’s desk. “Then why did you send me home with Tim?” she asked pointedly. “Everyone knows you’re the first one to volunteer to look after a kid during an investigation, why am I any different?”
“Because this is not an investigation.” Pointed out Gibbs. “You need a permanent home, and I’ve never volunteered to give anyone that.”
“Bull.” She retorted. “I know you were going out with her. For a long time too. You’re too close to it, and you think you’ll make the wrong choices, so you’ve been avoiding anything to do with her death. Did you ever think that maybe Mom’s will gave instructions for what to do with me?”
He started. Actually, he hadn’t thought of that, but he didn’t feel like admitting it to a child. He had a feeling she already knew though. “I haven’t had time to look at it yet.”
“Well make time.” She ordered, sounding an awful lot like she was already planning to sit in her mother’s recently vacated chair. “Because I don’t want to be bounced around foster homes for the next three years, and I know she’d make sure that wouldn’t happen.”
“The best thing she could’ve done is tell us who your father is.” Muttered Gibbs, yanking the bottom drawer of his desk open and pulling out the thick manila envelope. He stared at it for a minute and then forced himself to open it, knowing she was right. Jen would most likely have left instructions for her daughter’s well-being in her will, he’d done it for Kelly after all, and Shannon had as well. He scanned through the pages, looking for anything in connection to the name Callida. He found a couple of things, but they had to do with money and personal affects, then, just as the elevator dinged, he came across the thing he was looking for. He froze. It wasn’t possible. Life wouldn’t be so cruel, it couldn’t be true. Ziva and Tony swung their bags back behind their desks and began to give a report on their interview’s success, or lack thereof, but he wasn’t really listening. He was too focused on the words he was reading and the look on Cali’s face that made him sure she’d already known.
“You could have told me.” He said, dragging his fingers through his hair in frustration.
“I didn’t know!” she retorted. “It was just a guess. I figured her will would either confirm it or say who my father really was. Either way, I wouldn’t wind up in some stupid foster home for the rest of my life. It’s not like anyone would want a fifteen year old anyway! My chances of even getting a family were minimal at best, you know that! People don’t want to deal with someone else’s teenager.” She added bitterly.
He sighed and sat down on the couch next to her, rubbing his forehead. “I don’t know if I can help you.” He informed her quietly. “I don’t know if I can be your father.”
“Then help me get something set up so I can live on my own!” she exclaimed. “I don’t need your help, I’ve been taking care of myself since I was little. You were never there before, you don’t need to be now.”
“The hell I don’t!” he snapped, annoyed. “Whether we met before or not, you’re still my daughter and I have an obligation to make sure you’re taken care of. There’s a reason you have to get a special circumstance paper for a minor to live alone, and fifteen is not old enough for that. But it might be better for you to go into the foster system, I’m not prepared to be a parent.”
“That’s not what Mom wanted!” she exclaimed, desperately. “Or she wouldn’t have named you as my father!”
He covered his face with his hands, trying to stay calm and work out what was best as opposed to what he wanted. She was right, it would be almost impossible to place a teenager in a foster home, and she’d wind up getting bounced around schools and families for the next three years, never finding anything stable. Maybe he wasn’t the best choice to look after her, but it was Jenny’s last request of him and he couldn’t reasonably say no. Besides, a part of him was bursting with pride and delight to have found his daughter, and it would kill him to send her off to God knows where and probably never get to see her again. He took a deep breath and turned his head to look at her. Relief spread over her features as she read his answer, but he said it anyway. “I’ll do my best, okay? But you’ve got to cut me a little slack, I’m new at this.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Gibbs tries to help his lover's daughter, but he quickly realizes that there's mre to the story than meets the eye.
Chapter End Notes:
So, yes, it's a total chick flick-style piece, please forgive me for that one. But hey, give it a shot anyway, you might just like it!