Author’s Note: Part Three in the With Honors Series. This story picks up where Duty Bound ended.
Disclaimer: Not mine, wish they were. The idea is the only thing that belongs to me. This is not a slash story.
A Whisper of Courage
Chapter 1
by WCUGirl
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher
Washington, DC
August 26, 1990
Gibbs jerked awake suddenly in the late morning sunlight. He looked around him confused, wondering briefly where he was. Then it all came crashing back down on him. Shannon. Kelly. He sighed, and looked at the bed, which was empty. He glanced at the clock and realized why the bed was vacant�"it was nearly noon. What he saw beside the clock stopped him cold.
With shaking hands, Jethro picked up the piece of paper with the familiar scrawl on it.
Dad. I know you’re not going to let me help you. But, I’m not going to sit by and wait for you to die too. Call me when you get it all figured out.
It wasn’t signed, but Gibbs didn’t need a name to know who it was from. Tony felt threatened…he was running. Gibbs carefully folded the note and put it in his wallet. He walked to the bathroom and washed his face, running his wet fingers through his salt and pepper hair, and wondering when his life had gotten so fucked up.
He was returning to the main part of the room when his cell phone rang. He glanced at the caller ID and wondered what Mike Franks, his retired boss from NCIS, could possibly want.
Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
April 17, 1991
The sniper watched patiently as the truck approached. His target was the driver. There was another person in the vehicle with him…a woman. Through the scope of the rifle he saw the woman flick a cigarette out the window of the truck and knock on the side two times. There was the signal.
A shot fired.
The truck swerved.
The woman dove out the door toward safety.
A second shot ignited the gas tank.
By the time the policia arrived, there was barely anything left to identify.
That evening the sniper walked into the Cabo Wabo Cantina and glanced around. He smiled when he saw who he was meeting and approached the table.
“May I?”
The man gestured with one hand offering the seat; with the other hand he motioned the bartender to bring another round of bourbon, before returning his arm around the shoulders of a woman sporting a sling on one arm.
“So…”
“So.”
“Did you…”
“Yep.”
“And?”
“And…nothing.”
“You know they are looking for a killer.”
“Yep.”
Long sip of bourbon to chase that thought down.
“When you heading home?”
“Tonight.” Home. As if that was an actual location anymore. As if he actually had one.
“You called him yet?”
“Nope.”
“You gonna?”
“Haven’t decided yet.”
“He’d be proud of you. Doing what you did…”
A snort. “Doubt that. Took the coward’s way out.”
“Just because you made the shot from 500 meters doesn’t mean you’re a coward. Means you’re smart. No witnesses.”
“Look he’s not going to see it that way. Besides, he wanted to help me, I know he did.”
“Then why didn’t you let him?”
“I just…I couldn’t stand…I couldn’t face the fact that something might happen and I’d lose him too.”
“So instead you’re in a bar in Mexico, presumably on the run from the policia and refusing to call him. Sounds to me like you didn’t lose him�"sounds like you are walking away on purpose.”
“Sometimes it’s easier to walk away than it is to be walked away from. Takes courage to walk away.”
“Takes courage to stay too,” his companion shot back.
“You think I should call him.”
“I do. Been tellin ya that for months now.”
“I been tellin you you’re a lousy bum for months now too.”
“Good to see neither one of us is listening.”
They toasted their glasses.
“So you gonna call him?”
“Arrrrgh…fine! Yes! I will call him! That make you happy?”
“The only thing that would make me happier is being able to see the look on his face when you tell him.”
“He’s going to shit, isn’t he?”
“Oh I’d count on it.”
Washington, DC
September 1, 1990
“What do you mean, you don’t know where he is? He works for you!”
“I’m sorry sir, but last week the chief received a call from him, asking for more time off since his mother and sister were killed. Mr. Gibbs you have to understand, our department has a policy about bereavement leave�"”
“Did he mention if he was going to be traveling anywhere?”
“Long Island, New York, sir.”
Gibbs groaned and thunked his head against the wall. “Goddammit. He’s gone home to his father.”
He thanked the young man and hung up. He couldn’t believe that after everything that had happened, he would run home to his father. Well fine that was his decision to make, so be it. He wouldn’t search for the boy anymore, and would wait for him to come to his senses and return home.
Sighing, he picked up his phone and called up Mike Franks. He listened again to the information Mike could give him. Listened to how perfect it all sounded. He agreed that Mike’s idea was the course of action to take, agreed to wait until he heard from him again�"no matter how long it would take�"and hung up the phone, satisfied that he would have his revenge.
Gibbs was so caught up in his grief over Shannon and Kelly, that he broke one of his own rules. Tony hadn’t gone to his father’s at all, though that’s what Jethro assumed. He’d left that piece to throw Jethro off. He’d known his dad would come looking for him. It would be months later before Gibbs realized his error. By then the damage would already be done.
Stillwater, PA
April 20, 1991
In the end, he decided not to call. Decided it would be better to just show up, rip the band-aid off in person and then they could figure out what the next step was. He didn’t count on the plane getting delayed. He didn’t count on the layover taking twice as long as planned. It didn’t matter now, though. He had made it home. He knew it was a weekend, so the person he sought wouldn’t be at home. Would be in Stillwater instead with the only family they had left.
The hands on his watch said 2:13am when he raised his hand to knock on the door.
He wasn’t prepared to be met by the sawed-off shotgun and the sig wielded by the house’s two inhabitants shortly after he knocked. Then again, this was Stillwater. They rolled up the sidewalks at night. No one ever bothered anybody this time of night. He bit back a grimace. Maybe he should have held off til the sun came up.
He heard his name whispered with a hint of surprise and wonder. He’d waited for months to hear that voice, see the face of this person who was such a big piece of his existence.
In that moment it was all worth it. The changes that had been made…the things that had been done�"it was all worth it, just seeing that what was left of his family was still here. They were still safe.
Jackson Gibbs looked between the father and the son. “Come in.” He opened the door and the family was reunited.
Tony and Jethro embraced and in that moment, for one second, all was right in the world. It was too much. In that moment, everything caught up with him, and Tony slumped bonelessly into his dad’s arms.
“Jesus! Tony!”
Jethro dragged Tony over to the couch in the living room and deposited him gently on it. He ran a hand over his boy’s hair and tried to understand what was going on.
“Should we call a doctor, Leroy?”
“I don’t know yet; let’s give him a minute to see if he comes around on his own. If he doesn’t I may just take him to the hospital and get him checked out. It’s not like him to pass out like this.”
Jackson carefully wet a washcloth and passed it to Jethro who used it to gently wipe off the dirt and grime from his son’s weary face. A few minutes later, Tony’s eyes fluttered open and a look of pure relief washed over him.
“D-dad? That you?”
“It’s me Tony. You ok?”
“Thought I’d never get here.”
“Where have you been Tony? Where’d you go for all those months?”
Jethro ran a hand over Tony’s hair and noticed that his boy stayed suspiciously quiet. He pressed further.
“I called Peoria, thinking you’d gone home. They told me you had taken leave…told me you had gone to New York…Tony did you go home to your father?”
“Dad…no Dad…I left hoping you’d come find me…but you didn’t…so I had to go on alone.”
Gibbs scooped Tony into his arms and hugged his boy tightly. “Oh God, I’m sorry, I had my head stuck up my ass and I couldn’t see anything beyond my own grief…I’m so sorry Tony.”
Tony gently pulled back from Gibbs. “I have to tell you something.”
He had his own secret too. Tell him wasn’t going to be pretty. He knew that. “Go ahead Tony. I’ve got something to tell you as well.”
“Go ahead,” Tony said, thankful for the reprieve.
“You first,” Gibbs replied, thankful for his own reprieve.
The two stared at each other for a long moment. Finally Tony dropped his gaze to his lap.
“I’ve done something,” they both said at the same time.
TBC…
A Whisper of Courage: Chapter 2
Jackson Gibbs looked between the two. “Well you boys were always terrible at verbal communication,” he chuckled.
The two men stared at each other for a long time, neither one wanting to be the first to share their secret. Finally Tony lay back on the couch again. “I’m really tired dad,” he said quietly.
Gibbs eyed his son carefully. He took in the lines of fatigue around his son’s eyes, marred even more by the deep circles of darkness that rested beneath the green orbs. He didn’t miss how Tony’s fingers still clung to his arm, their clutch slightly desperate, as though Tony feared Gibbs would disappear if he let go.
Was Tony wrong to have that fear? Gibbs had shut Tony out completely, months before in the hotel room the week after Shannon and Kelly had died. He’d shut Tony out to the point that Tony had left before it could get any worse. Was he no better than the boy’s father? Eyeing the vulnerable, exhausted boy before him, Gibbs felt two inches tall. God he’d fucked up.
“Let’s get this all out in the open Tony, then we’ll get ya bedded down and you can sleep as long as you want. I need to tell you what’s happened.”
From his recumbent position on the couch, Tony nodded, but remained silent, unwilling to disclose his story first. Gibbs sighed.
“After you left…Mike Franks contacted me. He made me an offer I couldn’t refuse Tony.”
Tony stared at him. “What did he offer you,” he asked quietly.
What had Franks offered him? “Revenge. Closure. Atonement. He gave me two options I’d not considered before.”
Tony continued to stare. “What were the options,” he asked.
“When I was serving in my first tour in the Marines…I was a sniper Tony. Franks offered me the opportunity to take out the bastard who killed your mother and sister. He also gave me the option to have it done by someone else. Someone just as talented.”
Talented, Tony thought to himself. That’s not a word he would have selected for this situation.
“You chose to have someone else do it,” Tony said softly.
“I did. Franks said he knew of a young sniper who had a bitter streak paired with a rocky past…said this sniper could take care of it with no problems. I told him to go for it.”
Flashback
Tony hadn’t been working at Baltimore long when the call came in from the phone he’d been given.
“Yeah?”
“It’s nearly time. You need to be down here in two weeks. If you aren’t, you’re going to miss your mark.”
“I’ll have to request the time off. Might take a few days.”
“Make ‘em think you’re real sick. Then get outta town.”
“Alright. I’ll figure out something. I’m coming.”
Everyone in the squad room was shocked that afternoon when Tony suddenly started feeling lightheaded. A couple of officers even gasped in shock as the young detective went down suddenly, senseless on the floor. Moments later he’d come around, confused and not sure what had happened. His chief had ordered him home, told him to go to the doctor, do whatever he needed to do. Take the rest of the week off, more if needed, just let him know. Tony assured the chief he’d go stay with his family in DC until he was better so he wouldn’t be alone.
That night a car came by and the “sick” detective loaded a go-bag into the car. The driver helped him ease into the seat in case someone was watching. They hit the beltway toward DC and didn’t stop until they reached Dulles Airport.
Mike Franks was waiting for him on the tarmac at the airport in Mexico. Tony hadn’t told many people that he’d gone through sniper school to be on the SWAT team in Peoria, just before his mother and sister were murdered. He hadn’t even gotten the chance to tell his dad. He figured someone had overheard him make a comment about it to one of the officers at his mother’s murder scene and the information must have been passed that way.
Either way, he would have his revenge. His mother and sister would not die in vain, and his father would not be harmed by the man either. Tony would make sure of that.
End Flashback
“I know,” Tony said.
“You know what,” Gibbs asked, truly confused.
“I know you ordered the hit.”
“How did you know that? I only just this minute told you.”
“I uh…guess this leads me to what it was I needed to tell you.”
Gibbs raised an eyebrow. “It’s okay Tony. I’m listening.”
“When I worked at Peoria they wanted me to train for the SWAT team. Major pay increase, super cool toys to play with, heightened adventure…the works. I went through the training.”
“Okay. That’s good Tony. You’d be good on a SWAT team.”
“I went to sniper school. Was the best in my class.”
“That’s my boy,” Gibbs said warmly, and smiled. Then it occurred to him. “Tony…”
“I don’t know how Mike Franks found out Dad, honest. I didn’t even know him until he contacted me. He told me he could help me get revenge on my mother and sister. Told me that it should be me who did it. I know you wanted to do it Dad…I’m sorry I just…”
“You are the sniper Franks hired?”
Tony nodded and looked away, unable to look his father in the eye. He still felt like scum for killing a man in cold blood like that�"even though he did murder his family.
“Oh Tony…”
“I’m sorry,” Tony whispered, unexpected tears suddenly spilled over his cheeks, and he was unable to stop his voice from cracking. “I only wanted to keep you safe; I had to protect you; I wanted you to be proud of me for becoming a sniper like you; but I’m a terrible person, Dad, I’m a killer! I’m�"so�"sorry,” Tony moaned, rolling to face the back of the couch.
Gibbs ran a hand over his face and blinked in surprise before putting a hand on Tony’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry Tony. If I would have just gone and taken the man out like Franks suggested, then I would have this burden instead of you. I don’t think you’re a terrible person…I am so proud of you, and I love you so much, son.”
Tony raised up and leaned against his dad. He clung tightly to him and smelled the familiar scent of his dad. He was home. He was safe. Here he could be himself; he could be the scared little boy who wants his mom and no one would laugh at him.
“I have something else to tell you, Tony. Two things, actually.”
Tony nodded against Gibbs’ shoulder. He could take it. Whatever it was; he could take it.
“I sold the house Tony. Couldn’t stay there after…everything.”
Tony pulled back a bit and looked at Gibbs. “Don’t really blame you,” he said quietly. “Where you living now?”
“I got another house in Alexandria. Big house…kind of like the one we had…that ok with you?”
Tony nodded, still too numbed by the cacophony of events to be surprised. “You said you had two things.”
“Before I get to that, I want to ask you something. You said when you worked for Peoria you went through sniper school. That implies to me that you aren’t working there now.”
“No Dad. I’m not.”
“Then where?”
“Baltimore Police Department.”
“You’re living in Baltimore?”
“Yeah. Closer to home.”
“How long have you been there?”
“Six months? Maybe more? Not long. I never went back to Peoria. What else did you have to tell me?”
“Jethro? Honey? What are you doing up? Is everything okay,” a woman’s lilting voice trailed down the hallway.
A beautiful woman with fire-red hair stopped in the doorway. She took in the scene�"there was Jethro on the couch with a young man in his arms, Jethro’s father sitting in a nearby recliner. She tilted her head to one side, trying to understand what she was seeing.
“Jethro? Who’s this?”
“Dad? Who’s she?” Tony had a sick feeling in his gut that he knew who this would be. He also had a sick feeling that he wasn’t going to like it.
“Tony the other thing I needed to tell you is�"”
The beautiful woman stepped forward and stuck out her hand.
“I’m Lauren. Jethro’s wife. And you are?”
Tony drew back as though burned. His eyes were open wide in shock as his gut proved itself correct again. Gibbs reached out for him, but he pulled back.
“I can’t…I can’t do this…I can’t believe you…Dad?”
“The other thing I needed to tell you is that I got remarried Tony,” Gibbs said quietly.
“Dad? Jethro you told me your child was killed. Why’s he calling you dad?”
That was the last straw. Tony stood up, the emotional blow finally knocking down what was left of his crumbling world. His own dad hadn’t even told…whoevershewas about him. He’d gone off and gotten married without telling him…just like his father had done time and again since his mother’s death.
He looked at her. “I am no one,” he said softly, his voice cold. “No one you need to worry about. I’ll go now.”
Jackson stood up. “Tony wait. It isn’t like that. You’re�"”
“I’m what, Jackson? I’m wrong? Doesn’t look like it! I’m his son too? Then why didn’t he tell her about me? Why did he go on as though I didn’t exist? Why didn’t he come find me? Why’d he just let me supposedly run off to my father? HE DIDN’T HAVE TO LET ME GO! I DIDN’T DIE!”
Tony turned to stare at Gibbs. “She hasn’t even been dead a year yet. No wonder you ordered the hit instead of taking it. You were too busy getting remarried. I’m glad I could carry out your dirty work for you, Gibbs. Have a nice life.”
“Tony wait�"” Gibbs reached out and grabbed Tony’s arm as he turned away.
Tony looked at the hand on his arm. “Let. Go.”
Gibbs turned him a bit, not letting go. “Not til we talk about this.”
“Oh NOW you want to talk? Now that the cat’s out of the bag?” Tony looked at Lauren. “Sorry lady, you have a step-son you never knew about. I’m a big boy though, and quite capable of taking care of myself. I did it for years,” he added coldly, knowing the unspoken comparison to his biological father would cut Gibbs deeply. At least he hoped it would anyway.
“Tony? I’m sorry, I thought…Jethro did tell me about you…I just…I didn’t…I thought you were younger?”
Tony shook his head in disgust. “This is crazy…I’m outta here.”
Gibbs knew Tony was too angry to be receptive right now, so he let him leave. Jackson Gibbs looked at his son and shook his head.
“You’re a damn fool Leroy,” he said quietly before making his way back to bed. Lauren followed him back down the hall to her and Jethro’s room.
Gibbs sat on the couch with his head in his hands. He didn’t argue with his father. He was right. Tony was right. Lauren was right too�"he had mentioned Tony to her, but he’d gone about it all wrong.
Finally Gibbs turned out the lights. He wondered if this was how Tony felt when Gibbs shut him out.
His wife and daughter were dead. His son was betrayed by his own dad. Tony had been out seeking revenge and vengeance for his family while Gibbs had been holed up in that motel room with Lauren…Tony had been looking out for his family, while Gibbs had been looking out for his sex life. God he was an idiot. He’d screwed up so many things, so badly. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to fix it.
Gibbs sat in the dark for a long time.
TBC
A Whisper of Courage: Chapter 3
*You won’t get away with what you did.*
Tony read the plain white postcard, flipped it over and looked at the back of it, then read it again. There was no postage on it. Whoever delivered it, along with the others, knew where he lived. Tony ran a slightly shaking hand over his forehead.
He pulled a Ziploc sandwich bag out of the drawer in his desk and placed the card inside it with the four others he’d received. He put the card carefully back into his desk drawer then walked to his liquor cabinet. He poured himself a healthy slug of scotch and tried not to think of where he might have acquired that habit. It wasn’t because he liked the taste of it; that was sure. Senior always drank scotch. It worried Tony that he might be more like him than he’d care to admit. Without thinking he poured himself another slug of the drink and tossed it back.
It had been three weeks since Tony had left his grandfather’s house in Stillwater. In that time, Gibbs had called him each day, first on his cell, then later on his home phone�"showing Tony that Gibbs knew where he was, but was merely respecting the boundaries Tony had set. He left quiet messages on his answering machine and voicemail. Pleading tones begged Tony to call him back, begged for forgiveness. Tony hadn’t spoken to Gibbs since the night he left. He couldn’t believe his dad had already remarried so soon after his mom’s death…but at the same time, he could see why he’d done it. Gibbs was bad to get too sucked into his work�"he’d get too serious, too focused, and he’d lose sight of the world outside whatever case he was working on. In short, he needed a distraction. Tony knew that; hell he understood it�"he was the same way. Still, he didn’t approve. Part of him believed he just wanted to be angry for a while.
His phone rang and he snatched the phone up as he poured himself another drink.
“ ‘lo,” he slurred slightly into the phone.
“I know you, Anthony DiNozzo. You will not get away with what you’ve done,” the voice on the other end was speaking through a distorter. It sounded like something out of one of the horror movies he loved so much. This wasn’t good filmmaking though; this was real life and it sent shivers up his spine.
“Who is this?”
“This is the person who will make sure you are punished for your deeds.”
“Whatever Joker. You just keep going with your prank calls and see where it gets you.”
“You’ve been warned,” the voice threatened.
“Right back atcha babe. Keep calling, see where it gets you.”
The line went dead and Tony slammed the phone back on the receiver. Great, now whoever was sending him love letters was also calling him at home. He knew he should call his dad�"his dad was one of the greatest detectives he knew�"but he just couldn’t bring himself to lift the phone up and make the call. He grabbed his drink and sank heavily down onto the couch.
He heard the sound of glass breaking behind him just before the world went to hell.
***
Gibbs was sitting at his desk, a deep scowl on his face. He looked up at his Second In Command and wondered if they would ever get a lead. They had a marine on the rampage, a serial killer who’d been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder by the military shrinks just before he’d been reprimanded for using excessive force during his ops. Not long after that, the murders had started�"the first ones killed were the doctors who’d diagnosed him.
His phone rang and he snatched it up.
“Yeah, Gibbs.”
“Gibbs! I just found a lead on the Serial Killer Marine.”
“That’s good work Blackadder; where are you?”
“Baltimore.”
“Maryland?”
“Yeah. I was up here…with…some friends…I just saw him. I swear it’s the same guy that we’ve seen in all the pictures.”
“We’re on our way. Keep an eye on him.”
Stan Burley moved to get in the passenger seat, but Gibbs waved him off. “Take your car. Go back up Blackadder. I’ll join you as soon as possible�"I’m going to see if Tony wants to help us with the case. Take the lead til I get there.” Stan nodded and moved off, cell phone already in his hand, no doubt working out a rendezvous point with Vivian Blackadder, his new probie.
***
Tony’s apartment was filled with…what was it? Smoke? Gas? Tony wasn’t sure but he knew but a moment after the crash all he knew was he couldn’t see, he couldn’t breathe, and he couldn’t find his way to the door. He was totally disoriented, fearful of suffocating, and quickly beginning to panic.
He didn’t even glance at the caller ID when his phone rang, just picked it up and screamed for help into the receiver. Whoever had been sent him the postcard had called his house warning him that he would be punished, and now they had gassed his apartment. Tony needed help. He needed his dad.
***
Gibbs dialed Tony’s cell phone as he got on 295, already halfway to Baltimore. It was a long shot, but maybe Tony could help them with the case. After three rings he was shocked when someone answered it. What he heard stopped him cold.
“Help!!” Tony coughed hard, “Somebody please…�"cough�"…help me,” he croaked before coughing harshly again.
“Where are you Tony? What’s going on? Are you alright? Tony? TONY!”
Tony coughed hard again and gasped into the phone. “D-dad…daddy help me…�"cough�"…My… �"cough�"…my apartment…got a call…�"cough�"…someone warning me about something I did… �"cough�"…window broke…some kinda gas…lungs burning…smoky…cloudy… �"cough�"…can’t see…�"cough�"…can’t get out…” Tony broke off, harsh coughs filling Gibbs’ ear.
Gibbs floored the gas as he hit Tony’s exit in Baltimore. He didn’t know who had attacked his son, but he knew he had to keep Tony on the phone.
“Tony you with me?”
He heard Tony cough in his ear. “Yeah,” he finally croaked.
“Can you get out, son? Can you find your door?”
Tony coughed hard in his ear again. “Don’t�"cough�"know what the gas is�"cough�"don’ wanna make anyone else sick.” He broke off coughing hard. When he spoke again his voice was muffled.
“Gotta…wet rag…over my face…dunno what to do Dad…need help…”
“I’m comin Tony. I’m almost there. Hang on, alright? Can you get to a window? Open the window son, you got to get some of that gas out of there.”
He heard some bumping and finally the sound of glass breaking. Tony gasped and there was the sound of more glass breaking. Tony cried out then coughed hard in Gibbs’ ear as he parked the car in front of Tony’s building.
“Comin in now Tony. I’m on my way up.”
“Number�"cough�"”
“Shh I know where I’m goin…you focus on trying to breathe…just hang on…I’m going to kick in the door.”
“Hu-hurtssss…Kit-kitchen,” Tony croaked.
Gibbs kicked the door open and hung up the phone. He put a handkerchief over his nose, but immediately recognized the smell of the gas from his days in Kuwait during his first tour. It didn’t take him long to find the kitchen, and even less time to see his boy on his knees in the floor, one hand covering his burning eyes, the other trying to keep his hand over his nose and mouth, the rag had disappeared on the floor when Tony tried to break the window. Tony had a nasty cut on one arm, no doubt from breaking the glass. Gibbs didn’t waste any time scooping Tony up under his arms and dragging him toward the door to the apartment, shutting it behind them.
Tony’s legs would barely support him and his body was shaking from the adrenaline, fear and chemicals now coursing through his blood. Blinded and scared, he clung desperately to Gibbs as his dad all but dragged him down the stairs and out the front door of the apartment building. Gibbs flipped open his phone and dialed 911.
“911 what is your emergency?”
Gibbs rattled off the address, made sure the dispatcher knew that it was a police officer’s residence that had been attacked, and the officer needed medical attention. Tony remained propped against Gibbs’ chest, just trying to breathe and see while Gibbs was on the phone. His dad was squeezing his arm to keep pressure on it, his arm tucked up under his, supporting his chest at the same time. Tony felt delightfully lightheaded as oxygen began to make its way back into his body, even as the cut on his arm oozed blood. He took a deep breath to yawn, but it turned into a cough.
Gibbs clicked the phone shut and ran his now free other hand across Tony’s sweaty forehead, tucking his son’s body in close to his own.
“Shh, Tony, shh got you now it’s alright…help’s comin’ shh…take it easy…”
Tony didn’t respond, instead he tucked himself in closer to Gibbs. He’d missed his dad…hadn’t had any comfort from him it seemed like in ages…Gibbs just wrapped his arms around his boy and thanked God he was alive, and alright.
When the ambulance arrived, Tony begged Gibbs to stay with him. He hated hospitals, and was exhausted, scared and victimized�"he didn’t know who his attacker was; he didn’t know who he could trust. He knew he could trust his dad. The phone calls everyday…the pleading messages Gibbs had left on his machine and his voice mail…the way his dad had instantly swooped in and dragged him out of his apartment after the way they’d both acted…it all showed Tony that despite everything, he was still important to his dad. His dad wasn’t perfect, but whose dad was? He knew with Gibbs on his six he’d be safe.
Gibbs, thankful for the opportunity to be there for his son as he hadn’t been for his wife and daughter, tucked in beside him in the ambulance and kept a hand on his shoulder the whole way to the hospital.
The doctor at the hospital decided to keep Tony overnight to give him a chance to breathe some pure oxygen to help clear his lungs. He’d stitched up the cut on Tony’s forearm�"bigger than Gibbs had first thought�"requiring 23 stitches, and had it wrapped up and splinted to prevent nerve damage. When he heard he needed to stay over night, Tony started to protest, but Gibbs cut him off.
“I’ll stay with him if it’s alright Doctor. He can stay tonight, but do you think he’ll be discharged tomorrow?”
“I don’t see any reason why not,” the doctor replied, “unless something unforeseen happens.”
Gibbs nodded and with a pointed look at his son, Tony dropped reluctantly back onto the bed. A part of him was grateful to have the clean air to breathe�"it was like being in paradise. Another part of him was freaking out�"would he be left there alone? Would Gibbs really stay like he said? Didn’t he need to go home to his wife?
Tony moved to slide the oxygen mask away, but Gibbs stopped him.
“Whatta…bout…Laura,” Tony gasped around the mask.
“Who’s Laura, Tony,” Gibbs asked.
“Wife?” Tony coughed hard. Gibbs waited until he was finished before he spoke.
“Lauren. She’s gone Tony. You were right. I’m an idiot. I’m a selfish bastard. She couldn’t stand that I’d remarried so quickly. She couldn’t believe I hadn’t been more up front about you to her. She left me as soon as we got back to DC after leaving Stillwater.”
“Sorry,” Tony whispered. “Fucked it up for you I guess.”
“No son. I fucked it up for me. She’s gone now. Get some rest; it’s just you and me. It’s how it should be.”
Finally, Tony closed his eyes and slept, content that his father was nearby. His fingers clung tightly to Gibbs’ hand even in sleep.
Gibbs sat in the chair and watched his son sleep. He would figure out who’d done this.
No one would mess with his family ever again.
TBC
A Whisper of Courage: Chapter 4
Once Gibbs was sure Tony would remain asleep, he called Director Morrow and let him know what had happened. Morrow called in another team to pick up Gibbs’ team’s case so that Gibbs could stay with Tony. After that was taken care of, Gibbs called the Baltimore PD to find out what was happening with Tony’s case. It didn’t take him long to discern that the officers at BPD weren’t very concerned about the health and safety of their detective.
Why would Tony go to work in a department where no one would watch his six?
To be closer to you, you dumbass, the internal voice in his head hissed.
The officer he ended up speaking with was Tony’s partner, Detective Sam Boyes. He didn’t have a lot of information for Gibbs. They’d managed to determine that the gas was a military grade tear gas. The gas was an irritant, but nothing life threatening. The canister was among a shipment stolen from Quantico two weeks prior to the attack, and no one had any idea who would do this to Tony, or why.
“’Til DiNozzo can give us some information that might actually be useful, I don’t see how we can pursue this case. We got lots bigger cases than this one.”
Gibbs left instructions for the detective to call him as soon as he knew more. He would have to talk to Tony about relocating again. Then he called in a favor. Tobias Fornell answered the phone, a questioning tone in his sleep-laden voice at three in the morning.
“I know it’s late Tobias, but I have a situation. I need your help.”
Fornell sighed. Gibbs told him where he was, and Fornell agreed to come as soon as he could drive up there. Gibbs promised him good coffee once he arrived. This case would be a joint NCIS-FBI case. It involved stolen military equipment, but the attack was on a civilian. Fornell agreed to help Gibbs figure out who had attacked his son, under the condition that when the time came, Gibbs would allow Fornell to handle the arrest, interrogation, and charging. “You’re too close Jethro,” he said. “I don’t trust you not to kill the bastard.”
The next morning Tony slowly blinked his eyes open, only to find them crusty and scratchy feeling. He groaned as the morning sun pierced his eyes and quickly shut them tight. He turned his head away from the window and tried opening his eyes again. What he saw stunned him.
There was his dad. He was sitting in the chair, right beside his bed, just to his right, in the exact spot he’d been sitting in when Tony had dozed off. Shocked and amazed that his dad hadn’t moved in hours, just as he’d promised, Tony blinked his eyes. Gibb smiled at him, not needing words to understand what Tony was thinking, and stood up moving even closer to the bed.
“I’m still here, Tony,” he said quietly.
“Thanks,” Tony replied, his voice scratchy from the abuse his throat took yesterday, both from the gas and the resulting coughing fits.
Gibbs winced at the sound of his voice and offered him a cup of water. Tony’s hand trembled slightly when he reached out for it and Gibbs held it steady, assisting him in bringing it to his mouth without spilling it. Once Tony was finished, Gibbs took a seat on the edge of the bed.
“I have a question,” he said conversationally. Tony nodded.
“Do you know an Omar Gustav?”
Tony thought for a moment. The name sounded damn familiar, but he couldn’t place where he knew it from.
“Sounds familiar,” Tony replied quietly. “What’d he do?”
“We tracked down what we could find about your attacker. He’s the sailor who stole the canister of tear gas that was shot into your apartment last night.”
“Can you get a handwriting sample of his?”
Gibbs blinked, confused. “Why? We don’t have anything to compare it to, Tony.”
Tony shook his head. “In the top left hand drawer of my desk in my apartment, there is a handwriting sample. I just need someone’s to compare it to.”
Gibbs narrowed his eyes. He scooted a bit closer. “Start at the beginning,” he said, “and tell me everything that’s happened up to this point.”
Tony took a deep breath and started talking.
***
It wasn’t hard to get Gustav to submit a handwriting sample. Gibbs called Fornell and told him and Stan to have the suspect write out a statement. Fornell dropped by on his way back to DC and picked up the bagged post card from Tony’s apartment, along with instructions from Gibbs to drop it by Abby’s lab.
In the mean time, Tony was discharged from the hospital, with instructions to take it easy and not do anything strenuous�"both for his arm and his lungs’ sakes�"for at least a week. Gibbs assured the doctor that Tony would be coming home with him, and the doctor produced discharge papers without any further discussion.
“Dad you don’t have to take me all the way back to DC. Hell, they’re probably finished with my apartment now I could just go back and�"” the headslap was a reflex�"Gibbs swung and Tony flinched all in one fluid motion. “Right Dad, coming home with you, got it. My apologies for the confusion.”
Gibbs was pulling into his new driveway when his cell rang. It was Abby. She’d managed to confirm that the man who wrote the postcard was in fact, the man who’d stolen the tear gas canister and subsequently attacked Tony. Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief�"that meant they had the suspect in custody. Now they just had to break him and get him talking. They needed to find out what his grudge was against Tony.
Gibbs hovered around Tony as he made his way slowly into the house. It was then that Gibbs realized Tony hadn’t ever been to this house before. Gibbs took Tony on a quick tour of the downstairs, “living room, head, hall, kitchen, dining room.” Then he led him slowly up the stairs, a supportive hand resting on Tony’s shoulder the entire way. “My room, head, hallway, extra bedroom, closet, closet,” he paused at one last door, “your room.”
Tony looked at him surprised. “I have a room? Here? With you and…with you?”
Gibbs nodded. “Never wanted it to be like this between us Tony. Swore I’d be better to you than your father…I managed to screw that up royally…and…I’d like the opportunity to fix that. I want you to feel like you can trust me. I’m human, I’ll make mistakes, but I love you son, please, please don’t ever doubt that.”
Tony bit back his tears before they could spill down his face. “When…when my apartment was attacked…you were the first person I wanted to call�"the one I wanted to have come help me�"I was getting out my phone to call you when my phone rang your call in. Dad…I’m sorry I left like that after everything with Mom and Kelly…I just couldn’t sit by and watch you self-destruct. I know how much you love them. I know how much you miss them. I don’t replace them; I’ll never be able to, but I’m still here…I only left because…I had to walk away from you before you walked away from me because I couldn’t stand it if you left me too.”
There. He’d said it. God help him, he’d said it.
Gibbs looked at him for a long moment before he drew him into a careful hug. Tony clung to his dad and Gibbs clung to his son. For a long moment they stood like that, restoring order to their screwed up world.
Finally, Gibbs opened the door to his son’s room. The walls were painted a light green�"bright enough to be cheerful, but not so overly bright that the room looked childish. Dark blue curtains covered the windows, as well as room darkening shades. Gibbs knew his boy�"he knew that Tony had a bad habit to run himself in the ground and only come home when he was ready to drop. Typically the first day or two that Tony spent at home he spent sleeping. Gibbs had prepared this room with that in mind. The bed was large�"a queen size�"with a soft looking dark blue comforter and huge pillows. A plasma screen television hung on the wall across from the bed, and a handmade bookshelf was placed underneath it, holding books, photos, some movies, and some trinkets. On the same wall as the windows sat a desk, also handmade (to match the bookshelf and bedside tables), and on the desk rested a new computer. Covering the floor was a soft, cream colored Berber rug that just begged you to sink your toes into it. Tony didn’t hide his gasp as he looked at this fabulous room�"his own space in his dad’s world�"and he leaned heavily against the doorframe, just taking it all in. Realizing that he had a space in his dad’s world meant more to him than the actual space itself.
“Do you like it,” Gibbs asked quietly.
“Dad…it’s amazing…I…I don’t deserve all this…after the way I acted…I deserve for you to not want to speak to me again. I’m…I’m sorry…this room is fantastic though. It’s really amazing.”
Gibbs met his boy’s gaze head on. “You have nothing to apologize for. You did nothing wrong. I’m the one who fucked up, Tony. Let me shoulder my blame. You didn’t do it, and you certainly didn’t earn it.”
Tony moved farther in the room and sat on the bed, bouncing slightly to test the mattress. “What happened with Lauren?”
“After you left she was full of questions. About you, about Shannon and Kelly, about me. She realized she didn’t know me as well as she thought she did. I realized I got remarried way too soon. I needed to mask the pain�"I needed to take away the loneliness. But…Tony, I handled it all badly. I screwed up son. I screwed up with Lauren, but more importantly I really screwed up with you by the way I handled it. I am so sorry Tony. Can you forgive me?”
Tony looked at his dad. He didn’t recall a time when he’d heard his father, the “functional mute” as Shannon used to call him, string so many words together at one time. He also didn’t clearly recall a bluntly spoken apology.
“Dad…” what should he say? “Dad of course you’re forgiven. I mean you were dealing the best way you knew how…I don’t think there’s a book on how to do all this. We both should have communicated more with each other…but that’s nothing new for either of us.”
Gibbs chuckled. “You’re right. We’re so much alike it scares me sometimes.” He paused and noticed how tired Tony looked. “Why don’t I let you get settled and get some rest and I’ll come get you when lunch is ready?”
Tony nodded. He collapsed on the bed and let out a happy sigh as Gibbs shut the door, chuckling. Tony heard his dad’s cell phone ring, but didn’t worry about it. He was just too comfortable here…in his room in his dad’s house…he quickly dozed off.
As Gibbs walked down the stairs he saw that Fornell was calling. He answered it, needing to know what was going on.
“You’re not going to like what I have to tell you Jethro.”
“Probably not. Someone is threatening and attacking my son in his own home. Did you figure out who that bastard is connected with?”
There was a brief pause. “Yeah. We know who he’s connected to.”
“Who?!”
“Does the name Anthony DiNozzo Senior mean anything to you?”
“That’s Tony’s biological father. What’s he got to do with anything?”
“He’s the connection between Tony and Gustav. We’re still trying to contact him. His last available address isn’t his current address, so we have to track him down.”
A car door slammed outside and Gibbs moved slowly to the window to peek out carefully.
“Got him tracked down Fornell. He’s at my house. Get your ass over here; I’ll keep him here til you get here.” He snapped the phone shut just as the doorbell rang.
Gibbs opened the door and for the first time saw his son’s biological father. Physically, there was no denying the resemblance, which is why Gibbs recognized him so easily. The man breezed through the door without invitation, eyeing the simple yet classy décor of the house before turning his nose up in disgust and looking at Gibbs.
“Well where is he?”
“Who are you looking for?”
“You know who I’m looking for. I know he’s here. Where is he?”
“What makes you think he’s here?”
“We functionally destroyed the use of his apartment for the foreseeable future. He has nowhere else to go.”
“Have a seat. Make yourself comfortable.” Gibbs had to rein in his anger. He had to keep things calm until Fornell could have time to get there.
Upstairs, Gibbs heard a door open and fought down a grimace. Stay upstairs Tony, just stay upstairs. Hit the head then go back to sleep. You don’t need this right now.
Unfortunately, Gibbs’ mental rant was only heard by him. Tony appeared at the top of the stairs and his father grinned wolfishly when he saw him.
“Junior,” he boomed, “come see your father.”
Tony slowly made his way down the stairs, trying to understand what was happening. The doorbell rang and Gibbs moved to answer it, relieved to find Fornell standing there. They quickly moved back toward the living room where Gibbs immediately took in the look of intimidation in Tony’s eyes. In all the years he’d known Tony, he’d never seen a look of fear quite like this one on his boy’s face. It lit up his gut and pissed him off in ways words could not express.
Tony approached his father head on; the fear in his eyes the only thing giving him away. Senior reached out with both hands, and Tony visibly flinched as his father clasped both of his shoulders.
“Hi Daddy,” he said brightly with a toothy grin.
The look on Senior’s face darkened and he didn’t relinquish his hold on Tony. “Father is my name, Anthony. You were always such an insolent and stubborn child.”
Tony’s grin never faltered, though there was fire in his eyes. “Lucky for you I’m not your problem anymore then. What do you want,” he asked, twisting out of Senior’s grasp.
“You know what I want.”
Tony shook his head. “Nope, sorry I’m afraid I don’t. Dad why’d you let him in here?”
“Dad? You call this man your father? This poor excuse for a human being who had a man killed in cold blood? You call him your father?”
“Yeah I do because he’s never hurt me like you did. I can call him my dad because he’s stood by my side when I needed him the most�"he stood by me when you wouldn’t.”
“Tony your father is connected to the man whose been sending the threatening letters to your home and who is responsible for the tear gas being shot into your apartment,” Fornell interjected.
“So you’re the one who thinks I need to be punished?”
“Yes. You need to be punished. Apparently you’re worse than I thought.”
“Let me see if I remember. You said I needed to be punished for all the terrible things I’ve done. What terrible things have I done, father?”
“The most detestable thing you’ve done is become a law enforcement officer. DiNozzo’s do not carry guns. They do not intermingle with people like that and they certainly do not dirty their hands by touching grimy people off the streets like I’m sure you do all the time.”
Tony laughed. All the things in his life he’d fucked up and THAT was what his father could come up with as the worst? What would he do if he knew his son was a sniper, owned at least ten guns of varying size and had killed people simply because he was told to?
His father continued. “DiNozzos are a high class breed and not meant to be mixed with lower class rabble like I’ve found you doing here. You need to return home and remember who you are, boy. You need to remember how to respect your elders and you need to remember your roots. DiNozzos do not disgrace their families as you have!”
Tony lifted his chin. He looked at Gibbs for a brief moment, thankful the older man was letting him handle it, but more thankful that he was right there ready to step in the instant Tony needed him. He looked back at his father.
“You are absolutely right Dad. DiNozzos do not do any of those ‘atrocious’ things that you have named off.”
“I’m glad you see things my way, Junior,” his father replied.
“But you’ve forgotten something.”
“What’s that?”
“DiNozzos also don’t listen to their children. They don’t raise them to be loyal and understanding, they raise their children to be mean and heartless. DiNozzos don’t raise smart business people; they raise crooks who know how to turn tricks to make their money. DiNozzos don’t turn up for their sons’ high school graduations or their birthdays or anything else. Those things you named off�"the intermingling with dirty, slimy, grimy, poor people, apprehending criminals, being a respected law enforcement officer�"those are all things a DiNozzo would not do. It would be beneath them. But connecting with real life, everyday people and protecting them�"that is what I do…it’s what a Gibbs would do.”
Tony reached into his wallet and flipped his driver’s license down on the table.
“Lucky for me, I’m a Gibbs first.”
Senior picked up the license and looked at the name printed beside the insanely grinning image of his son.
Anthony Gibbs-DiNozzo.
Senior looked up at his son. “Being a DiNozzo is just an unfortunate mishap. In my heart I am a Gibbs. I am�"” he pointed at Gibbs, “�"that man’s son, and he loves me no matter what I do or don’t do. He doesn’t judge me. Most importantly, he is there when I need him. I have more of Gibbs in my little finger, than I’ll ever have of DiNozzo in my entire body. And I am home here. I’m not going anywhere with you.”
Senior’s expression darkened even more and he tossed the license at Tony, striking him in the cheek with it. Tony barely flinched but knew his father’s words that would haunt him in nightmares to come. “You’re worthless Anthony! You’ll are nothing and a nobody! You’ll end up in the gutter like all the other worthless trash!”
Tony looked at Fornell.
“Get him out of here, will ya?”
As Fornell escorted Senior out, Tony put his license back into his wallet and ran a weary hand over his face. There would be charges filed, but Tony knew that Fornell and Gibbs would handle it. He looked at Gibbs after the door was closed behind their visitors.
“Can I go back to bed now?”
Gibbs nodded and moved to support Tony as he swayed slightly on the bottom step. Upstairs, Gibbs helped Tony get settled into bed and adjusted the shades to make it nice and dark in his son’s room. He knew Tony slept better in full darkness than he did any other way. Once the blinds were situated, Gibbs sat on the edge of Tony’s bed.
“I am proud of you Tony. You handled that far better than I could have.”
Tony nodded and smiled. “He’s just a bitter old man.”
Gibbs leaned over and kissed Tony’s forehead. “You’re a better son than he deserves. Hell, you’re a better son than I deserve too, for that matter.”
Tony shook his head. “You deserve only the best dad,” he whispered. Moments later he was sound asleep.
Gibbs fondly ran his fingers through Tony’s hair and watched his boy sleep. “I have the best, Tony.”
In his sleep, Tony smiled.
End.
Story Notes:
Hey Guys--I appreciate everyone's kind words, messages, and support. I read the thread on LJ Ficfinders and I was blown away by the support I received. I am truly humbled--thank you so much. I'm not interested in giving out the sordid details on why I took everything down, but I do want to apologize for doing it. At the time I felt I had no other option...everything had gotten out of hand, and I needed some space. But the truth is I love sharing my stories with you all, so thanks to some helpful suggestions from some anonymous friends, I decided that this would be a pretty safe place to post. I am planning to post everything I've written on this site--and I am planning to finish my WIP stories. I love to receive feedback--as long as it is respectful. I won't take my stories down again. I don't want to be one of those authors who holds her stories hostage if she doesn't get her way. That's not how I operate. Feel free to send me PMs or Reviews--but please don't ask me to explain what happened. It's in the past, I don't want to talk about it, I just want us to move on and have fun. This fandom is great, and so are Gibbs and Tony--they don't need to be tarnished by some childish drama, and I want to apologize to each of my readers for the part I played in it. I am very sorry. Hope everyone is doing well--again, I'm sorry. Love Jen
Author's Chapter Notes:
Story 3 in With Honors Series. In the aftermath of the death of Shannon and Kelly, revenge is sought...and Tony meets his first stepmother.
Chapter End Notes:
Hey Guys--I appreciate everyone's kind words, messages, and support. I read the thread on LJ Ficfinders and I was blown away by the support I received. I am truly humbled--thank you so much. I'm not interested in giving out the sordid details on why I took everything down, but I do want to apologize for doing it. At the time I felt I had no other option...everything had gotten out of hand, and I needed some space. But the truth is I love sharing my stories with you all, so thanks to some helpful suggestions from some anonymous friends, I decided that this would be a pretty safe place to post. I am planning to post everything I've written on this site--and I am planning to finish my WIP stories. I love to receive feedback--as long as it is respectful. I won't take my stories down again. I don't want to be one of those authors who holds her stories hostage if she doesn't get her way. That's not how I operate. Feel free to send me PMs or Reviews--but please don't ask me to explain what happened. It's in the past, I don't want to talk about it, I just want us to move on and have fun. This fandom is great, and so are Gibbs and Tony--they don't need to be tarnished by some childish drama, and I want to apologize to each of my readers for the part I played in it. I am very sorry. Hope everyone is doing well--again, I'm sorry. Love Jen