Chapter 4
Tim opened his door and dropped his bag onto his couch, Gibbs words will ringing in his head.
Was he after Tony's job? Would he do anything to get it?
He was more ambitious than Tony. That was obvious. Everyone knew that. He had been absolutely sure to make Director Vance aware of his ambitions. And he did want to move up. He wanted to be Gibbs' SFA. He had, if he was completely honest, lost respect for Tony in many ways. Being Tony's SFA would almost be a joke, Tim thought. He just could not understand why Tony insisted on being seen as a goof off, a class clown. Why had he not grown up? Sure he could do the job. But that seemed to be more due to Gibbs insistence and prodding, than to any talent Tony might posses. But Gibbs…Tim could almost hear the accolades he would get for surviving one of the toughest agents in the entire agency.
Having worked with Tony, Tim knew there was talent behind the clowning, but to the rest of the world, the NCIS world. He was an idiot. No one took him seriously and it was, at times, embarrassing, to Tim, to be in association. He hated himself for it. But that didn't make it any less true. But he was embarrassed…because of…what…? The opinions of agents who truly didn't know anything anyway. Tim did feel superior at times because of his education. He could not deny that. He was more educated than Tony. But Tony had taught him a lot. More than Tim gave him credit for. Now, with what had happened with the hidden mic. It had been a joke. They, he and Ziva, had just been sitting in the car. Just sitting there listening to Tony and Ziva had suggested they turn the volume down. And he had reached over, in that instant, and did it. They had no thoughts of anything happening to Tony. Not in that instant. Not in that neighborhood. Not on that day. And, luckily, nothing had.
But now…what happened today…he was terrified just thinking about it. If he had opened that door…? If Tony had not stopped him…? Tim shuddered. He could have died. But instead Tony was now in the hospital, probably still in surgery. Tim thought, looking at his watch. He was getting a bullet removed. One that, Tim had been told, was very close to his heart. Would Tony survive this? Would Tim get a chance to what…? Apologize…? Confess…? Cover his ass? Lie?
All those options ran through Tim's mind as he collapsed onto his couch.
To apologize profusely and confess were valid options. Gibbs, for one, would appreciate his confession. He would appreciate Tim 'coming clean' as it were before Gibbs found out what happened. And Tim knew he would, he always did. It was just a matter of time. The problem was, of course, was that he was not the only one at fault. His confession would throw Ziva under the bus also. He knew he was wrong, but having another person involved complicated things so much more.
Then, of course, was the other option, not to tell. He could lie, but to lie against Leroy Jethro Gibbs. It was scary, horrifying, in fact. He knew Gibbs could sniff out a lie anywhere told by anyone. And a lie that involved Tony; that could have gotten Tony killed…? Gibbs was so angry already, if he knew Tony's life had already been put in danger by his and Ziva's carelessness once before…. He shuddered again.
Tim sighed. Besides he had his future to think about, this 'mistake' with the hidden mic could cost him the directorship. That was not acceptable. He would not go down for something that was not intended to cause harm and, in fact, had not caused harm.
But Gibbs' gut had been churning. He had questioned Tony's desire to work cold cases. He had questioned Tony's change in attitude towards Tim and Ziva. There was a coldness. Tony had stopped calling Tim 'Probie.' He had stopped correcting Ziva's English. There must have been something in Tony's tone that convinced Gibbs about the cold case thing though. Gibbs submitted the request. Director Vance denied it, saying the case load was too heavy not to have his best team out there working.
Then Tim's mind went to the day in the elevator. Tony…oh, Tony had been so angry, so very angry. So angry and so…hurt...yeah, that was the right word, hurt. Tim had never seen him like that. Tony had given him a chance. A chance to prove himself. A chance to make up for his mistakes. A chance to regain trust.
And sitting there on his couch, Tim realized how very miserably he had failed. But as bad as he felt, he still had to hold on to his dream. He wanted the directorship. He was good enough. He believed it. He could see himself in that office, sitting behind that desk. He could see himself in command. The very idea of all that power and influence was intoxicating. He was not going to give up on his dream, and no one was going to stop him. He could not let that dream die, slip though his fingers because of some stupid…mistake he had made. He would just do whatever it was he had to do to make sure he came out on top.
And if Tony didn't survive…well…then… nobody would be the wiser.
TBC
Chapter End Notes:
WARNING: Contains Tim bashing.