Chapter 5
AN: WARNING: Contains Ziva bashing.
Ziva entered her apartment, dropped her coat and purse onto the floor and collapsed onto her couch. She was exhausted, not physically, but emotionally. As soon as she had gotten into her car to go home, the tears had begun to flow. Seeing, Tony shot, practically in front of her, had shaken her, probably more than it would have, even a year or so earlier.
She had failed her partner. She had told Tim, as a joke, to turn down the volume on the radio. She had no idea he would actually do it. When she thought about it later, she realized how very lucky she had been that Tony had come back uninjured. She had been surprised by his anger in the elevator, though. She had also been surprised she had been give a second chance. She knew she hadn't deserved it.
Ziva wiped her eyes as she thought back over her and Tony's relationship, mainly Michael Rivkin and the whole Somalia thing. She began to realize a few things. She was still angry at Tony. It surprised her a little. Ziva has been very angry to see Tony in her apartment fighting with Michael. She had been very angry to see Michael gravely injured on her living room floor. Tony had pointed out something to her later she had failed to consider, in the heat of the moment, though. How had a trained assassin lost the upper hand to someone with skills nowhere near his? She still blamed Tony for Michael's death, she realized. Tony had told her that Michael was moving slow. That he had overpowered Michael. But that was not possible. Tony had to have been lying. He had to have done something to get the upper hand. He had to have DONE something to Michael. Ziva then thought back to the time out in the plaza. She had knocked Tony down and had pulled a gun on him. Part of her questioned why she had not just pulled the trigger.
And the interrogation of Tony by Eli. Ziva shook her head. Her father's admission had also angered her. Not, so much, that he had admitted that he 'controlled' Ari. That was known. You couldn't spit into the wind in Israel without Eli David knowing about it. What had hurt, angered, Ziva was that Tony had 'played' her father. And that her father had taken the bait. That Eli had been goaded to making such a damning admission to people who definitely didn't need to know. That Tony had, most likely, known Ziva would be watching from an observation room had angered her more. She knew her father was flawed. She didn't need to be reminded about how big and glaring those flaws were.
Then, of course, there was the fact that Tony had mislead her. And the fact that he had followed her and had checked up on her during the time Michael has been in D.C. That he had known Michael's arrival and departure times. Also, that he had known where Michael was staying and when he was to check out. She was entitled to a personal life. She had known Michael for years. She was allowed to spend time with whomever she liked. She was not going to do a clearance, security check on everyone she decided she wanted to spend time with. And besides, she had discovered during her time with Mossad, there were certain things about certain people that you are better off not knowing.
Now, Ziva realized, her distrust of Tony had caused her to be separated from people she considered family. She could not longer trust Eli. She had turned to Gibbs for support. She considered the rest of Team Gibbs family, also. It had been Tony's fault that she had had to go ALL those long, long months without their support.
True, Tony had been in Somalia. Gibbs and Vance had given Tony the credit for her rescue. But it wasn't true. How could it be? She refused to believe it. Besides Tim had been knocked out and looked like he had gone through hell. Gibbs had put his sniper skills to work. What had Tony done, talk? He did that 24/7. That didn't get her rescued. That hadn't helped her. That had just bought time. Time that Gibbs had needed to do his job. It was could hardly be considered a SKILL for a highly trained federal agent.
She had followed Tony's directive because she had seen the wire too. She had no idea if the wire was, indeed, attached to anything. But she was not willing to take a chance. She had followed Tony because, in all honestly, she knew Gibbs was ultimately still in charge of things. Those 4 months of Tony's leadership as few years ago had been trying at best. And when she had found out he had made such a strong case and convicted the wrong man. It made her wonder what other mistakes Tony had made. If he was so convinced there...couldn't he have put on blinders with other cases? She was not used to questioning judgment in that way.
But more than anything, she knew she didn't not want to go back to Israel. She liked the United States. She liked living in peace, living a life where she did not have to watch every step she made. Where she didn't have to question the motives of all those around her. She liked the American lifestyle. She had quickly become accustomed. She knew that her father's enemies would find a way to use her 'newfound' freedom against her father. But the thing that affected her most was that she WAS out of her father's hands. He could not deem her as a liability, and she would not share the same fate as her half-brother.
Returning to Israel was NOT an option. She had to keep her life, her family, here, intact. Gibbs could not find out what she and Tim had done.
The questions was...What would she be willing to do to make sure that didn't happen?
TBC
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