Part 5
Director DiNozzo sat at his desk, studying the letter he held in his hand. He had read it over at least a dozen times.
Tony,
So many years have passed. I write, not to ask for forgiveness, I have no right. I write to tell you the reasons for my actions. I do not expect you to understand why I did what I did. I relive, every day, the moment I stood over your unconscious body, knife in my hand, ready to end you life. I cannot believe that person was me. I do not understand how I got to that point. I do not understand what made me decide that that action would solve my problem. In fact, that action would have ended the life of someone whom I considered a dear loyal friend.
I can only tell you that I desperately did not want to return to Israel. I have always had the suspicion that my father considered me expendable. I need only to recall Ari's demise to remember that. A man who can kill his own child…. Well, I need not go any further. I did not want to 'become a liability.' I was sure that was what would have happened. I knew I would have had to return to Israel to work for my father had Gibbs discovered what Tim and I did. I was not a United States citizen yet, and I felt it would have been far too easy for Gibbs, Vance, and SecNav to decide I was no longer needed. My position would be terminated and I would have no choice but to return home.
Again, I am not looking for forgiveness. I am not looking for absolution. I just want to tell someone, who once cared a great deal for me, that his friendship was much appreciated.
Ziva David
NCIS NCIS NCIS NCIS
Tony stared at the letter for a long time contemplating its contents. He then picked up his pen and began to write.
Ziva,
Believe it or not, I have forgiven you. I could not allow actions made against me, regardless of their motives, to rule my life. I was very determined to recover completely from my injuries and I did. I cannot allow the anger I have for you to cloud my judgment. I could not allow myself to treat the next agent I worked with with any sort of mistrust because I was betrayed by a former partner. I have to move on, and I have. I have found happiness in my life and I have come to realize a few things. I don't hate you. I realize that the person I knew would not kill me. The person in the hospital room was someone pushed beyond her limits. And while I truly cannot understand the actions you took. I can understand the situation. I too have been pushed into corners, trapped with no way out. And while I did not turn on a friend, I came to the realization someone's life would have to end for me to come out alive. I had to make the choice.
But I gave you a chance, Ziva. I allowed you and Tim the opportunity to redeem yourselves. You could have just done as I asked. You could have gone a step further and turned yourself in. But you did neither.
As I said, I have forgiven you. But as forgiveness usually works, it was not for you. I didn't want and did not deserve to live under the burden of that weight. I deserved to live my life as I chose. We all chose the paths we will follow.
I can't give you what you need, Ziva. You have to forgive yourself first.
Tony DiNozzo
THE END
END NOTES: I think that this is truly, finally, the last chapter. I was debating writing a chapter on Ziva, but I decided the story really wouldn't be complete without it. This has been quite a journey, I appreciate all the comments, complaints and suggestions. A special thanks to all those who kept my evil plot bunnies alive and well-nourished. ENJOY! Jackie
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.