Chapter 29
Tony exited one of the trauma rooms and walked directly into another. The ER was packed and he had not even had a bathroom break in the past 5 hours. The scene in front of him brought him up short, however. He stood, openly staring at his patient, well…the backside of his patient. Before him was a khaki clad butt with a dartboard type dart sticking out of it.
The man ‘belonging’ to the dart was obviously drunk. The nurses were having a really hard time keeping him from rolling over onto his back. They were trying, too to, keep him from reaching around and just yanking the dart out himself.
“The damn thing hurts.” He muttered as he moved on the table. “Where’s the damn doctor? Why don’t you take it out?” He asked the nurses.
“Some help here, Dr. DiNozzo?” Rosie Moore, RN asked, noticing Tony trying hard not to laugh. She and two other nurses were having difficulty controlling their patient.
Tony had to bit his lip. “Sure.” He managed to say as he moved around the table to face his patient.
Tony tried to school his expression. “Um, Sir, how did this happen?”
The man just looked at him. He seemed to be sobering quickly. “Seriously, you’re going to ask me questions? I have a DART stuck in my ass. Or did you NOT see that when you walked in?” The man shook his head. “Just pull the damned thing out!”
Tony shook his head and closed his eyes. He clamped his mouth shut for just a second. He then took a couple deep breaths. “I have to ask questions….”
The man shook his head again. “Look, I have a drunk friend with really, really bad aim.” The man stated, in obvious pain. “Can you pull it out now?”
Tony began to work on the man’s injury. Nobody said anything for a moment or two. Then the man asked. “I won’t have a hole in my ass or anything, will I?” The man thought for a second. “I mean an extra one?”
Tony ducked his head but, try as hard as he could, some laughter did escape.
“It’s okay. You can laugh.” The man said.
“Thank you.” Tony said, through his laughter. “And no…no extras.” Tony said, still chuckling. He cleaned the wound and then stitched it up after removing the dart.
“It was not as deep as, probably, it felt.” Tony told his patient after he got his laughter under control. “I gave you a couple stitches. Just take the pain medicine I am going to give you, NOT mixed with alcohol. Keep the area clean and go see your regular doctor in a couple days. You should be okay to sit. Just make sure you don’t pull those stitches.”
“Thanks, Doc.” The man said as he carefully got off the table and exited the room.
NCIS NCIS NCIS NCIS
“A bowling ball? Really?” Tony asked the nurse and she updated him on his latest case. A teenage boy had been told by his friends it was a lot easier to make strikes with the smaller lighter ‘kid-sized’ bowling balls. The problem was the smaller lighter ‘kid-sized’ bowling balls also came with smaller finger holes for much smaller hands.
Tony heard part of the conversation as he got closer to the room. It was between the patient, Kenny and his friend Eddie.
“Dude, when I get this off my finger, I’m gonna kick you’re a--….” Kenny stated.
“Hey, it was a dare. You didn’t have to take it.” Eddie replied, laughing at his friend’s predicament.
“It’s not funny.” Kenny said, resting the bowling ball on the stretcher beside him. “Damned thing hurts.”
“What if they can’t get your finger out?” Eddie says. “What if they have to amputate?”
Kenny looked at Eddie in horror. “That is really, really not funny. Beside they wouldn’t do that. They would cut the bowling ball.”
“Maybe not…I mean what if you get one of those med students? They don’t know how to handle this.” Eddie knew he should stop. But he was having too much fun at his friend’s expense. “It’s not like they see fingers stuck in bowling balls every day. And besides, what do they have around here to cut bowling balls with?”
“They’d find something.” Kenny nodded.
“I don’t’ know, man.” Eddie came over and looked at his hand. “Dude, I think your hand is getting a little blue.”
Tony lingered outside the room for just a moment. He knew the boys had not seen him. He listened to the last of their conversation before he walked in. He decided he was going to teach both boys a lesson.
“So, what do we have here?” Tony asked.
“Dude,” Kenny held up his hand. He knew Tony had seen it as soon as he walked it. “I have a bowling ball on my hand.”
Tony looked at Kenny’s hand carefully. “Well, it looks like we’re going to have to amputate.” His tone deadly serious.
“What?!” Both Kenny and Eddie said.
Tony started moving round the room, pretending to gather instruments. “Look…” He said staring at Eddie. “…what’s your name?”
“E…Eddie.” Eddie replied, his voice shaking.
Tony nodded. “Good. Look Eddie, you can hold the bowling ball while I use the saw.”
Both boys looked at Tony in absolute horror.
“All you have to do is hold…” Tony paused for Kenny to give him his name.
“Kenny.” Kenny whimpered.
“Kenny, all you have to do…” Tony continued. “…is hold your arm out straight. Eddie will keep it straight and I’ll cut.” Tony pretended to look for a saw. “You won’t even need any pain medicine or anesthesia. It’ll be over that quick.”
Both boys just looked at Tony with abject horror on their faces. They felt like they had been dropped into a horror film and were completely unsure what to do next.
Nobody moved for a second. Then Tony smiled at them and, suddenly they both relaxed. “Eddie, don’t torture your friends like that. And Kenny, don’t believe Eddie. And don’t take anymore…dares regarding bowling balls.” Tony said as he examined Kenny’s finger again. “We will have to take you to surgery to cut this off. We don’t have those types of tools in the ER. But don’t worry. There will be no amputation, no scars of any kind. And your finger will be fine.”
TBC
Chapter End Notes:
AN: I had wanted some ‘funny’ ER visits. The first one is 100% what I wanted. The second one is a little ‘off kilter’, but in a good way, if you imagine Tony as a mad scientist. Then it is kind of funny, too. At any rate, I hope you enjoy. Jackie