Chapter 48
AN: This chapter is pretty much an angst-fest with a tissue alert thrown in. And I am truly sorry it has been so very long between updates. I will try to do better from now on. Thanks for your continued support through your comments and alerts. And thank you, most of all, for your patience. Jackie
Tony’s shoulder was still bothering him. It had been a couple months since the explosion, and the front of the NCIS building was still being repaired. The construction and noise had forced the team, and actually most of the building, to relocate temporarily. It didn’t help that it had been one of the hottest summers on record. The team was still in the naval yard, but it had been relocated to another building and given a much smaller office. They were practically working on top of one another and at times, it made tempers short.
Abby and Ducky had not been moved out of the main building, mostly because there was minimal damage. But also because there was no other area already set up that would accommodate the special needs of both departments.
Tony had been hiding his pain in his shoulder. He was sure there was nerve damage, but he was afraid to admit it to anyone. He was scared. If he couldn’t use his shoulder…he could stand to lose one job. But not both, he had been trying to learn to shoot with his left arm. It had been difficult, but he was doing much better then he thought he would have. But with the doctor thing, he needed to have two working hands and arms. He needed his body to work, work well and work properly. He sighed and shook his head. Gibbs had, again, caught him rubbing his right shoulder.
“Tell me what’s going on, DiNozzo…” Gibbs stated. “…or I go talk to Ducky.”
Tony shook his head. “Ducky doesn’t know anything.”
Gibbs looked at Tony, concerned. “You need to tell me what’s going on, Tony.”
Tony looked at his boss. He knew Gibbs. He knew Gibbs had seen enough to know something was wrong. Tony just needed to ‘fess up.”
“My shoulder is…something’s not right.” Tony confessed.
“Then you go have it fixed.” Gibbs replied.
“It’s…it’s not that simple. It’s nerve damage.” DiNozzo answered. “It’s delicate.”
“And how long have you thought this?” Gibbs felt himself getting angry.
“About a month.”
“So, you aren’t willing to get it checked out. You’re rather do more damage than to see what’s really wrong?”
Tony didn’t know what to say.
“Is that what you’re telling me?”
“If I can’t be a doctor…if I can’t do this job….” Tony shook his head.
Gibbs understood his agent’s pain. “You need to find out what’s wrong. And you’ll do whatever it takes to fix it. And you will continue to be Agent /Doctor DiNozzo.”
“I’m….”
“You’re scared.” Gibbs stated. “I get it. But you have to find out what’s wrong. And then you’ll deal with whatever happens. There are other things you are very qualified to do here that do not require shooting a gun. You….”
“I don’t want to do anything else.” Tony confessed. “I don’t know how to be anything else. And it’s not just here. If can’t be an doctor either…. I need to be able to….” Tony shook his head.
Gibbs sighed. His heart went out to Tony. He had felt very similarly after his leg injury ended his career with the Marines. But the most important lesson Gibbs had learned was that life went on. He had found something he had enjoyed just as much, if not more.
Tony looked Gibbs in the eye. “I swear…if you tell me I have to play the cards I’m dealt, I’m gonna punch you.”
Gibbs grinned, that is exactly what he was going to say.
“What am I gonna do if I can’t…?” Tony asked. “What am I gonna do?”
“All I can say is I lost my career in the Marines. But if I hadn’t gotten injured, if I hadn’t joined NCIS, I would never have met you. I would never have had met any of you guys. This would never have happened.” Gibbs said. “There are things that I wish had never happened. And at the time not being an active-duty Marine anymore was at the top of my list. But…things changed. I met Mike and I wondered why the hell do I have to put up with him? Then I met you, and I realized I needed Mike. I needed what he could teach me to be able to run my own team. I needed him to be able to deal with Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo.”
Tony smiled. “I’ll go make an appointment.”
Gibbs nodded.
NCIS NCIS NCIS NCIS NCIS
Tony sat down on his bed. He had just left the doctor’s office. It had not been good news, and he was not sure how to tell Gibbs. He would need surgery, and in the end, the surgery could cause more problems than it solved. The doctor had told him trying to fix these nerves could damage others. He also said that recovery would be a long process, and that physical therapy would be long and intensive. It would also be painful. He was scheduled to go under the knife next week.
Gibbs, on his best day, was not a patient man. It had been 3 day since Tony’s doctor’s visit. And Tony had not said a word to Gibbs.
“I was waiting to hear something, DiNozzo.” Gibbs said as Tony made himself comfortable on Gibbs’ basement steps.
“I’m scheduled to go under the knife next week.” Tony replied, flatly.
Gibbs nodded. There was something Tony was not telling him. “But….”
Tony sighed. “But…but the surgery itself could cause more problems. When they are messing around in there fixing that, they could damage other nerves.” Tony paused. He sighed again. “I could have more problems after the surgery then I have now.”
Gibbs didn’t like that news. “But if you don’t, things will get worse?
Tony nodded. “Things will get worse.”
“Then you have no choice.” Gibbs concluded.
Tony looked down at the floor, when he looked up again, there were tears in his eyes.
Gibbs dropped his sandpaper and took a seat on the steps beside Tony. Gibbs put his arm around Tony’s good shoulder. “I know you’re afraid. I get that. And I know you.” Gibbs paused. “I know you think you could end up losing the use of your arm. I know you have no idea what you would do with your life if couldn’t do this job…if you couldn’t be a doctor. But none of that is going to happen.”
Tony wiped his tears. “How do you know?”
“Because…I just do.” Gibbs replied. “You are more to us than a team mate, Tony. Kate, Tim…they all consider you a good friend.“ Gibbs paused. “And you’re not going to get rid of me that easily, either.”
Tony smiled.
“You’re stuck with me.” Gibbs replied. “And…if things don’t quite go as planned….”
“You’ve just said more than I’ve ever heard you say since I met you.” Tony replied.
“This needed to be said, and you needed to hear it.” Gibbs explained.
“I don’t like this, Boss. I don’t like not knowing. I don’t like not being….”
Gibbs nodded.
“I just want my life back, back before the explosion, back before…it all happened.” Tony looked around Gibbs’ basement. “You wouldn’t have a time machine down here, would you?”
TBC
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