Chapter 4 FINAL JOURNAL ENTRY OF TIMOTHY MCGEE.
“ All I ever wanted was to belong to a family, to be special to someone, to find someone to love and be loved by, to be apart of this team. I know now I can never have that. Gibbs death showed me that. I never knew I could love someone, and certainly not another man till I held Gibbs in his final moments. Even though now I realize that I had loved him since the first time I saw him. I didn't know how much I loved him until he was gone. It was something new to me and now I will never know the feel of his touch, his kisses, his laughter,his love or see those blue eyes showing me the love he held in his heart for me.
Without him my life has no meaning,purpose,and is so empty. The grief,guilt,and the emptiness I feel now will never end and I can't go on without him.
Tell Sarah I'm sorry. I love her. I just can't be here for her anymore. I want you all to know that I'm so sorry for what I've done. If you all can find it in your hearts to forgive me I would be truly thankful.
I'm getting sleepy and I just want you all to know that the hate you feel for me , at Gibbs death is nothing compared to that I feel for myself for causing his death. The death of the only person in this world who brough a little bit of happiness into my miserable life.
In these final moments before I sleep forever. I want you all to know this and this only.
“I LOVE YOU LEROY JETHROE GIBBS NOW AND FOREVER. PLEASE FORGIVE ME.”
“ Yes Tony you read this right. I will and will always be in love with another man
and it was none other than our boss, Leroy Jethroe Gibbs.
Always keep him in your hearts and prayers. I ask that you all forgive me.
I love you all.
Goodbye.
Love Timothy McGee.
Tim closed his eyes as a peaceful smile came to his lips. He had finally found peace and was at peace with himself. A last tear fell from Tim's closed eyes as he drifted into the blackness of death.
Tony and Ziva arrived at the office. Stepping out of the elevator only to find the bullpen empty.
“ Where's McGee. He is usually the first one here?”
“Maybe he took the day off DiNozzo. He has been looking rather frazzled and tired.”
“Whose been looking tired Ziva?” Ducky asked as he entered the bullpen, surprising both agents.
“ Tim, Ducky. He's not here and he usually is the first one to get here” Ziva explained.
“Well maybe Tim finally to one of the sleeping pills I prescribed for him. “ Ducky realized with horror as it hit him what he had said. As the two agents looks of horror hit him.
“Oh my dear, you don't think, no he wouldn't” Ducky exclaimed.
“ Ducky he has been so distraught over Gibbs death. He blames himself and he wouldn't even sit with us at the funeral or at the grave sight. He thinks we all blame him and hate him for Gibbs death. I wouldn't rule it out.” Ziva said the worry and concern showing both on her face and in her voice.
“Ziva, you and Ducky go check on McGee. I'm going to call an ambulance and let Director Vance know what might have happened. Now go.” Tony said as he pulled out his phone and ran up the stairs to the Director's office.
Ziva and Ducky left rushing towards the parking lot hoping they made it to McGee's place in time to save the young man.
Tony heard angry voices coming thru the door to Vance's office. One of them was oddly familiar. Not giving it a second thought he barged in.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Gibbs death and the toll it takes on a team member