Gibbs sat alone on the bed reading Tim's journal entries. He know how private the young man was but if what he was reading there could help Tim and give him some insight as to why he did this to himself then privacy be dammed. As he read the last few journal entries he realized just how much Tim loved him. How much his death affected him and hurt him. It was then also that Gibbs realized how the young man had touched his own heart and soul. Not since Shannon and Kelly did he feel so alive. It wasn't until McGee that he realized how much he missed having someone depend on him. He still didn't know or understand how or when it happened but he fell in love with Timothy McGee.
It wasn't until he read the final words over and over again that he truly realized how deep Tim's love for him was and it broke his heart to know that he had hurt him so much. As the tears fell even harder Gibbs finally broke down and whispered what he had for so long wanted to tell his young agent. “ I love you Tim. I need you McGee in my life. Your a part of my heart and soul. I can't lose you now. I never meant to hurt you.”
After awhile Gibbs began to slowly pull himself together and left for the hospital. Passing the others in the hallway. Not a word was spoken as the three of them watched him leave. They watched in silence as he got into his car and drove away. When Gibbs was gone Vance turned to Ziva “ Would you mind explaining what just happened here agent David.”
“No Director I would not. Not because I can't but because McGee's own words say it best. There is something I think you both should see and read. Then Tony you can decide to keep your mouth shut or let me do it for you permanently.” Ziva said as she turned and let the two men back to McGee's apartment. Upon entering the bedroom Ziva turned, looking both men in the eye she pointed to McGee's laptop sitting on the bed.
“I want you both to read what McGee has written and once you have read it. It will never be mentioned by anyone. Once you leave this room it stays here. Just never forget what Tim has gone thru.” Ziva glared at both men as they listened to the venom in her voice and the iciness in her glare. “ I want your words on it. That you will never mention it again.”
Both men nodded in agreement. They both new Ziva would do just what she said she would. They all knew how private a person McGee was and so they made a promise to themselves that he would never find out about them reading his most private intimate thoughts. They needed to understand what happened and why he did what he did that was the only reason they violated his privacy like this.
The two men sat down and began to read in silence. Both horrified at what they were reading but yet coming to understand what had happened. Both of the men feeling guilt and shame for what they had put McGee thru. When they finally reached the last journal entry they realized for the first time how hard and how hurt McGee truly was. How he thought that he was responsible and how truly alone he felt. How he thought his family had turned their backs on him.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Gibbs death takes a toll on one member of the team.