To Whom It May Concern
AN: This is going to be a strange one. I hope it turns out as well as did in my mind.
Fan Fiction Writers:
First of all, I am fine. My lungs are great. I have check-ups every six months with Ducky and Dr. Pitt. They assure me that I have suffered no ill effects from the time I pulled Gibbs and Maddie out of the water. I have notice some websites have whole communities devoted to the incident. And while I appreciate the concern, it truly is unnecessary. I really am fine.
Also, I do miss Kate a lot. There are times that are worse than others. I appreciate those heartfelt stories about Kate and I just talking and sharing and such. But we weren’t like that. We just didn’t do that. And I can’t see doing that after her death, though I have read some very moving stories on the subject. I know many of you keep her alive in your stories. And I, too, do wonder what things would have been like. I know that are many TATE lovers out there. And I can’t say that that would not have happened. Kate was a very beautiful woman. And she WAS in love with me. I mean…come on…!
Gibbs’ leaving and going to Mexico did throw me for a loop. I cannot lie about that. And I dealt with it the best I could. But after reading some of your stories, I think I could have dealt with it better. I loved some of your suggestions. Who knows what would have happened if I had taken them. And I know some of you think I should have left and taken the job in Rota. But I wonder would I have gotten caught up in the same stuff Barrett did? I also have noticed a lot of you didn’t like Agent Barrett. It amazing me how intuitive some of you guys are. It’s like you see things before we do and know all about them. The thing with the microchip…I still can’t figure out how you knew that first.
I still think staying in DC was for the best. I did the best I could. We were all coping with his loss. It was hard. I tried to do what I could to hold the team together. I read a lot of stories on this topic also. I love the fact that a few of you kept Kate alive, though, now, it is hard to imagine what life would be like without Ziva in it. I know I was probably not the best leader. Gibbs, in all honesty, made it look too easy. It was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. And I really appreciate the stories you guys wrote that were positive. It was a real confidence boost at a time when I really, really needed one.
And let’s not forget about Jenny and ‘The Frog.’ I know. I know what you say. I’ve read it all. I allowed myself to be used, abused, and bamboozled by a beautiful woman. The question is why? That is what many of you wrote about, the reasons behind it. It’s an easy question that, unfortunately, requires a complex answer. There are many reasons. I, first of all, was overwhelmed with my new responsibilities. I needed an outlet, a break from what was going on. I, as much as I hate to admit it, I was a little vulnerable. I was lost. I couldn’t just call Gibbs up and ask him what to do for this or that. So, I trusted Jenny. I mean, Gibbs trusted her, why shouldn’t I? I know, now, it was a big mistake. Then I saw her as a lifeline in a ragging sea. I grabbed on and hung on for dear life; even when, as I later found out, she had her own agenda. Had I let go, had I loosened my grip, I would have fallen. And I had no idea what I would have fallen into. So, just so all of you know, I knew, in the end I had been duped. But as many of you have written, and understood. I still had a job to do. I had a mission to complete and I had an obligation to fulfill. I truly regret the damage and the hurt it caused. But I cannot take full responsibility for it. I had no intention of falling in love. I have read many stories of Jeanne taking revenge on me. And, for awhile, I did have that very fear. I knew she didn’t know where I really lived. But I also knew it wouldn’t be too hard for her to find out. I knew it would have been dangerous for me. I felt, even if she would have asked me to come with her. If she had asked me to do something, against my better judgment, I would have done it anyway. It was like I felt I needed to pay for what I had done. I had to make amends.
I know many of you don’t like Director Vance. I’m not sure if this is the ‘bad taste’ Director Sheppard left in your mouth, and your mistrusting him. But I am going to have to ask you to give him a chance. And I must say, from what I’ve read, you guys are all over the map on this. I felt pretty much the same way you guys did. But I have learned to deal with him. I am not saying we’re best buds or anything. But I have learned to deal. So, at least, guys, give him a chance.
The wire tap thing also seems to be another hot button issue with you guys. I have read so, so many stories on this subject with a common theme. It is commonly thought that Tim and Ziva turned the audio down, or even off, when I was out in the field. I can tell you that, that was a joke. And I know it was a joke because if Gibbs had even ‘thought’ it was true…well, I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes. I have a feeling their future employment would involve the phrase, ‘Would you like fries with that?’ So, please, stop writing that stuff. I didn’t realize a pen could write blood before. I can tell that a few of you were out for blood on that one. This is especially true for ‘Jackie’. There are about 7 stories, on this topic, in her profile. “Build a bridge and get over it, Honey.”
But, all in all, I love you guys. I love your stories. And, just so you know, when you see me hunched over my computer, staring intently at the screen. I am reading YOUR fan fiction.
Thank you all,
Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo
Author's Chapter Notes:
Tony talks to Fan Fiction writers.