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Author's Chapter Notes:
Abby is in trouble and she seriously needs some girl talk, work related girl talk... Crap. It's time to teach Ziva how to be a girl. Fluffy emotive non-slash between Abby and Ziva. Oneshot. Complete.
Girl Talk

"Ziva, I need you down here right now!"

Ziva sighed into the phone.

"Abby, shouting at me will not make me move faster. I will be down to help you soon."

"No, Ziva, I'm serious! This is something else. Please come down now! I need your logical mind for something very, very work related!"

"Okay Abby, I will be there soon."

Abby was well known to be over-excitable, although not normally to Ziva. There had always been tension between them. Abby had really loved Kate, and although Ziva replaced her in the team, at her desk, in Tony's thoughts and in, let's face it, the plot, Abby always resented the newcomer out of pure loyalty.

Ziva got up from her desk.

"I'm checking on Abby, she's panicking about something"

Gibbs gave a faint, knowing smile that said As always

"Have fun" said Tony saucily. In two words he could say Checking on Abby means going down there and doing hot lesbian stuff, doesn't it? Oh, it so does! Oh your ass looks amazing by the way, but I'm Tony, so I could do better. I'm so awesome… This is why I haven't got laid in months. Man, I'm so alone.

When she walked into the lab, Ziva realized that Abby looked genuinely panicked, a very rare occurrence. She was sitting at her desk in her office, staring at something in her hand. When Ziva walked in she looked up with wide eyes and a blank expression.

"Abby, what's wrong?" she asked, full of concern.

Abby held something up in her face and said "What does it mean?"

"Red line, it means…"

"I know what it means! But what does it… Mean?" Abby looked close to scared, baffled tears.

Ziva sat on the desk in front of Abby. She wasn't sure what to do, assassins didn't get trained on this. Or anything like this.

"It means, Abby" She reached down to the pale, frightened face, tilted her chin up and said "That in a few months, you will have a beautiful new baby."

Abby just stared down at the test in her hand. Finally she quietly said "What do I do?"

Ziva had no idea how to answer, so she said "Does he know?"


She remembered very, very work related, and realized what that meant.

"So can I assume… McGee?"

Abby just stared at her, mouth open, then smiled hugely and laughed before finally saying "No" there was a big pause before she finally said "Gibbs"

"Wow… Well done"

"Ziva! Girls don't say that! That's a guy thing." There was no hint of offense in her voice, only amusement.

"But women often boast about their sexual escapades, and openly show off their partners, there are whole magazines devoted to it"

"Yeah, but they… Pretend to be subtle, I guess"

"That makes no sense"

"…You're right, it makes no sense. So… In that case… Thanks, I agree, he's a good choice, and kind of an achievement… And hot, so hot"

"I do not wish to disagree with you, but I just cannot see… Well… That?"

"Fair, I can't see it in Tony!" said Abby with a smirk. "Now… What am I going to do?"

"Well… Do you love him?" Ziva asked gently.

"Yeah, I do. I really do."

"And does he love you?"

"Yeah" Abby smiled. It didn't matter what else was going on, that simple fact always made her happy.

"And I'm sure he would be pleased. So what's wrong?

"I don't know!" Abby whimpered "I just can't imagine a little baby me! Or a little baby Gibbs. Seriously, little baby old grumpy guy who orders you around an head slaps Tony, can you imagine that?"

Ziva thought before answering "No"

"So I don't know what to do or say or think! I need you to tell me!"

"Abby, you have female friends, probably some with babies. I'm not the person so ask about this, I've never had a female friend or a baby!"

"They'll just say 'aww, isn't that lovely' and 'it's normal to be scared' an then go back to bragging about their own babies. I need your logic, I need someone to be sensible!"

"Abby, you will love it no matter what"

"I know, but what's it gonna be like? Can you imagine a little Tony? Wouldn't you freak out if you had to try?"

"Abby, me and Tony…"

"No! You're not gonna pull the 'just friends' or 'partners' or whatever on me now! I just told you I love Gibbs! I just told you I'm pregnant!"

Ziva paused and took a breath. It was odd seeing her look nervous. She set her face and embarked on what was clearly going to be difficult. "I love Tony. I have been slowly falling in love with him for years. I tried to fight it at first, now I just try to hide it."

"I know" said Abby with a kind smile.

"Okay…" Ziva went into sensible, logical mode "Your eyes are green, his are blue. It's likely your baby will have blue eyes, but maybe not as pale as his. Your skin is light, so is his, your baby will be pale. You are both intelligent and willful, there is a good chance your baby will be both. What colour was your hair when you were born?"

Abby smirked. "Blonde"

Ziva looked surprised. Abby tugged at a pigtail

"This isn't real!"

"I know, but… Really?"

"Yeah, my hair's like a dull browny colour"

"Like mine?"

"No, not pretty like yours"

Ziva smiled at the compliment, then mentally regrouped. "Okay, so your baby will have blonde hair, light skin and blue eyes, it will be clever, strong and willful, it will work hard, and it will love caffeine."

Abby suddenly changed, she threw her arms around Ziva. "Thank you!"

"What for?"

"For… Um… Helping me understand? I'm gonna tell Gibbs!" She got up and sped toward the door, then suddenly stopped and turned around. With an evil little grin she said "And you're gonna tell Tony."
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