Part 2 - SEE PART 1 for Warnings.

Also note: I am adding Incest as a warning. It will be mentioned. It will be somewhat discussed. But graphic details and description will NOT be in this... it is unnecessary. I didn't quite know in the beginning where this story would lead... now, in respect, I feel obligated to warn concerning this aspect.



Nearly half an hour later Ducky walked into his office with a silver instrument tray in hand. Gauze. Two swabs; one covered with a pinkish gel, the other with clear stuff. Needle. Suture. DiNozzo paused mid-pace to look at him expectantly. The cut on his neck was throbbing and felt weirdly open against the make-shift bandaging done at the scene. "How long will this take?" he asked abruptly. In respect of the old man he had done what he was told, waited. Now he wanted to leave.

"You'll be done in less than ten minutes," Mallard answered calmly. "Then you can go home and sleep off the rest of those nasty chemicals they gave you."

Reminder. Tony sighed then sat down in the chair Ducky indicated and concentrated on staying still as he waited for the first shot to deaden the area... for the stitches.

"I'm going to use a gel to numb the area, Anthony," the Medical Examiner said evenly. "No need to put more drugs in your system. It might pull and pinch more than usual but I only need to do a few stitches. All right?"

Choice. Control. DiNozzo nodded and closed his eyes, unwilling to watch. The gel was cool but heated quickly then all sensation faded along with the throbbing around his cut.

"No lectures tonight, young man," Ducky promised as dull pressure prodded his neck. "I don't think you're up for one. But I would like to give you a piece of advice if you're willing to listen."

Tony winced as another pinch, deeper, pushed into his skin. "Don't take whiskey from strangers?" he said sarcastically. "Although it really wasn't a choice."

"I know, Anthony. I told you. No one blames you." Another deep pinch. "Gibbs feels you did an excellent job." Pause. "He was very concerned for you."

Irritated by Mallard's tone, Tony pulled away slightly as the next pinch came. "I told you... he feels responsible for all of his agents."

Mallard grunted. His hand cupped Tony's chin firmly. "Please stay still. One more stitch then you're done."

Less than a minute later a soft cloth wiped at his skin, an odd sensation of feeling and not feeling. DiNozzo opened his eyes as Mallard leaned forward with a cotton swab with something clear on it. "What's that?"

"Triple antibiotic ointment. I'll give you what little I have to take home." He finished his work and stepped back. "You need to keep that dry a couple of days then just cover it when you shower. I'll take the stitches out next Wednesday. There should be little scarring."

Tony shrugged. It didn't matter. What was one more scar? Of course he would have to have someone else take the stitches out. "Thanks, Ducky."

"Glad to occasionally work on someone who can voice their appreciation," he responded with humor. He stripped off his gloves and began consolidating used items on his tray. "Now we'll see about getting you home."

"I can drive," Tony challenged again. He had driven himself and Jeffrey from that cabin to the storage facility. DiNozzo shivered at the flash of memory. I really didn't want to kill him... he had been... nice...


... I want you to want it...


Gibbs. Tony squeezed his eyes shut as the voice in his head... the one he had heard... changed to what it had been. Not Gibbs. It had been a lie. Not Gibbs... "Bastard!"

"Anthony, pay attention."

Ducky. Focus. Tony blinked then wiped at his eyes. Crying. "Fuck!"

"Here."

Tissues. Tony took then and dabbed at his eyes, humiliated. Tentative fingers touched his shoulder as if testing then gently gripped his upper arm. "I really screwed up!" he threw out, further embarrassed by the sobbing in his words.

"Not at all, my boy," Ducky responded. "Right now some of the after effects of the drug are still in your system. Everything is going to seem overwhelming for just a little while longer and some memories will return... but not all. Don't try to force it." Pause. "I want you to remember that I'm your friend... everyone here is. Jethro is also your friend in a way some people in his life never understood but I think you will." Fingers squeezed his arm then withdrew. "I still want to examine you... even if you're right... about things. But I won't push... I only want you safe, Tony."

Tony tensed as he heard the word "examine" then he forced himself to calm down. Ducky wouldn't force, wouldn't push... and after today it wouldn't matter. He would be gone. And what did he mean about Gibbs? Something Ducky and Cait had said a few months ago during one of their lunches... during the second terrorist case where Ari was involved... came to mind.


We can't divorce him, Ducky.

You wouldn't want to, my dear. No matter how gruff he becomes...


Tony stared at Mallard as shock wandered through him, as he remembered the brief glance the Medical Examiner gave him as he spoke. Ducky grunted at him, giving him the kind of smile he gifted on one of them when he knew the point had been made. Oh fuck... you're shitting me... The Medical Examiner held out his hand. Automatically Tony reached out and took the slightly oversized bandaid from him.

"I think you can put that on yourself." He picked up his tray. "Jethro's here to take you home."

Home. Jethro. Tony stood quickly, his balance wavering then stabilizing quickly. He turned around just as Ducky approached the door Gibbs had just stepped through. His boss' eyes were on him, looking him over as he would a suspect he was about to interrogate. Tony looked from one man to the other as he held his ground. "I don't think it's a good idea," he stated flatly.

"Tony, I'm just going to take you home," Gibbs' steel blue eyes flicked to Ducky then back. "That's all."

Lie! Anger rushed through DiNozzo in instant reaction. "I'm all right!" he yelled, losing control as he realized what Ducky might have said to his supervisor. No way am I going to have him near me! "I don't need you to hold my hand." His soul protested his words. All he wanted to do was feel Gibbs strength... his protection... help him put the shadows back...

"I'm not going to hold your hand, Tony," Gibbs said in a normal tone, his gaze less intimidating. "I'm going to drive you home and make sure you're all right. You've had a long, hard couple of days and I don't like the idea of you being by yourself." He shrugged casually. "If you don't want my company then I'll go. But you're my responsibility and I'm at least going to take you home."

Sincere. Something hopeful tickled him, gently brushed him. They were trying to help. Ducky patted Gibbs on the shoulder then left the room, leaving the door open. Tony thought a moment about walking out as well, without Gibbs. But as he observed his boss' stance he knew he would lose. Gibbs was driving him home... and something more. His mind shied from his suspicions. None of it made sense. Gibbs had to know for sure he was broken. Pity. Like everyone else he tried to get close to... once they knew...


But he doesn't know... everything... he can't... so maybe I'm just a failure... close enough to broken...


"Ready to go?"

Tony jerked back as Gibbs voice echoed in his ear... too close. Gibbs stood in front of him, watching... reaching out his hand as DiNozzo stumbled...

"Don't!" he hissed and put a hand on Ducky's desk to stop the fall. "You want to drive me home? Fine! Drive me home, boss! But don't--" Touch me.

Wrinkles furrowed Gibbs forehead. Puzzlement. Concern. Tony sighed as his emotions leveled out. He really had to get a grip on himself, drugs or not. "I'm sorry."

Gibbs studied him, considering. "If you don't want me to drive you home then I'll call for a service to do it. But I would like to... if you'll let me."

Choice? Tony took a deep breath then another. He was overreacting. Reading things into something that didn't exist. Gibbs was his supervisor... his friend... professionally. That he was the center of DiNozzo's sexual fantasies, that the drug Lane passed him in that piss water made him act out--


You're so beautiful...


"DiNozzo... tonight!"

Tony swallowed the bile that threatened and squared his shoulders. He gave Gibbs an old smile... as if nothing was happening... had happened... "Coming, boss."

The drive was silent. Gibbs' face showed no expression beyond calm patience. Exactly what DiNozzo wanted... thought he wanted. But by the time his supervisor turned the corner into the parking lot of his apartment house, Tony's skin was crawling with anxiety. He was going to be alone... with his thoughts... memories... near memories...


You think you can back talk me... you little fag! I'll teach you--


"Tony."

Touch. DiNozzo grabbed the one who touched him, pushing... already knowing his escape route... through the door...

"Tony!"

The touch firmed but held no anger, no threat. DiNozzo stared at Gibbs then at the ex-Marine's hand wrapped around his arm. "I'm sorry, boss." He said in apology... and appeal as he experimentally tried to pull his arm back. His boss' grip held. "Please," he said... almost begging. It was too close... too-

Gibbs carefully released him but his eyes held Tony in place. "I'm not going to hurt you," he said quietly. "All I want to do is help."

Truth. DiNozzo's vision blurred. Shit! Not here! Not in front of him... even if you aren't going to work for him anymore... Tony swiped at his eyes as he turned away and opened the passenger door. He was going to have to find some way to have his own car brought back because he didn't think he was going to be able to go back for it himself. "Thanks, boss... I'll be fine--"

"Let me come in with you... make sure you're all right."

Now Gibbs' tone held a certain appeal... a pleading. Tony wiped his eyes again and briefly studied the older man, his surprise turning to near shock as he saw the strain... the need. For me? Briefly torn he gazed out towards his apartment building then back to Gibbs. He didn't want to be alone but-- "Fuck!" he spat out as he realized he had no choice... none that would give him relief. "You want to babysit me? Fine!" He let anger push back weaker emotions as he got out and headed up the short path to the door of the building. If he reached his apartment door before Gibbs caught up then that would decide if the older man would be allowed in.

There was no contest. Gibbs was right behind him all the way up the elevator and to his door. Silent support. Care. Tony walked in and automatically turned on a lamp. It was late afternoon... mid-November. Near Thanksgiving but he had long ago stopped noticing, except on rare occasion, when his oldest friend could make it out from California and have dinner with him. But that hadn't happened in a few years. Since he had told Paul... and things changed between them... like they always did.

He put his wallet in a tray he kept on the breakfast bar then took off his shoulder rig and took out his gun. He put the rig in the closet and the gun in a case next to his football trophy next to the closet door. Then he toed off his shoes and went into the kitchen to wash his hands and face. Then he started to take off his shirt. He was dirty... all over dirty...

"Do you have coffee?"

The sound of another person startled him. Gibbs. He was here. Tony's heart pounded. He forgot Gibbs was here. How could he forget Gibbs was here? He immediately stopped undressing but ruthlessly kept himself from rebuttoning the flannel shirt. He turned to find Gibbs sitting on the bar stool on the other side of the breakfast bar. His expression was calm but watchful. Asking nothing... and everything. Tony sighed. Gibbs was staying for as long as his supervisor felt he needed to be here. DiNozzo pointed behind him. "There's grounds in the cabinet... I'm sure you know what to do." He shrugged. "I have a box of cereal but no milk. I cleaned everything out... before..." His assignment. It was suppose to be so cut and dry... so... "I'm going to take a shower," he announced to his boss. His skin was crawling.

Gibbs got up. "I'll be here if you need me," he assured gruffly.

"Why?" Tony struggled not to let his anger rise again. He just wanted to be left alone even as his soul cried out in protest at the prospect of being... left... alone...

Gibbs' expression softened. "Because I want to."

Direct. Honest. The beast within DiNozzo took pause. "I can take care of myself," he said without the force he had wanted to put into the words.

"I know you can," Gibbs replied without hesitation. "You did great on this assignment, Tony. You've done great on all the others before this one. You're a fine agent and one of the best to send undercover. If I didn't believe that you wouldn't have been on this case... period. "

Period. Tony swallowed. Praise. Gibbs didn't hand them out often and when he did they only came in brief three to four words phrases. Even on their yearly evaluation there was usually little written beyond what was necessary. DiNozzo always got an exceptional rating but during the rest of the year he would always wonder and doubt himself all over again. It was a familiar, vicious cycle, one that sent him job-hunting when the stress within himself got too much to bear. Start fresh. He always felt if he could just start out fresh... make it different...

"Tony, don't phase on me. Okay?"

Voice. Closer. Tony blinked. Gibbs was standing right in front of him, hands on hips in a forced position. But his expression was still unusually open. "I... uh..." Tony eyed the doorway behind his boss. Escape. "I really need to take a shower... wash off," he threw out and amended as he remembered Ducky's orders to keep the stitches dry.

Gibbs nodded and casually moved aside, giving Tony space as he moved past him and towards the cabinets above the counter. Coffee. "I'm not sure it's the brand you like--"

"It's fine, DiNozzo. Go wash off."

Order. Familiar. Tony relaxed. For the moment it was all right Gibbs was here. "If you want to," he began hesitantly. "There's a take out menu in the draw next to the sink. Pizza... if you want something to eat."

"How's your stomach?" Gibbs asked in reply.

DiNozzo thought about food and gauged the reaction to his digestive system. "I don't know if I can handle pizza," he said honestly. "But don't let that stop you--"

"I won't." Gibbs seemed to think a moment then shrugged. "I'll order you a plain turkey sub, just lettuce and tomato. You can eat what you like."

With the suggestion Tony's stomach gave a hesitant growl of approval. In spite of the tension around him he had to smile. "Okay, boss."