Five Days

Gibbs heard someone knocking at his front door, but he kept sanding. His hands were sore and the only time he stopped was to take a gulp of liquor from his cup. The knocking stopped and he kept sanding. If he kept it up maybe he could get Kate’s face out of his head, her beautiful face with that obscene hole in the middle of it.

He heard footsteps and turned, gun in hand. He put the gun down and ignored Tony. After a few minutes he stopped sanding again and grabbed his cup. He met Tony’s eyes over his cup and thought the man still looked like crap. Dark circles made his eyes look like they belonged on a Halloween death mask. He pushed that thought away and waited for DiNozzo to talk. Kate’s funeral had been yesterday, and even the President had sent a note of condolence.

"You just going to stand there looking at me all night, DiNozzo?"

Gibbs decided to start locking his fucking door. Too many people liked to show up in his basement. Last night it had been Fornell. The FBI agent had apologized for letting Ari play him and the entire federal bureau. Gibbs had come close to hitting him. Instead he’d just told him to get out. Fornell wasn’t the one that had to meet Kate’s parents and brothers and watch her mother, drugged from grief, wipe her eyes during the entire funeral. He left it to the Director to try and explain how a double agent, who turned out to not be a double agent, killed her daughter.

Tony’s voice was quiet. "Just came by to see you."

"You’re not going to ask some dumb ass question like ‘how am I doing?’ are you?"

"No boss."

Gibbs tried to remember Tony had lost Kate too, that they’d been good friends who laughed, teased and argued with each other since he’d hired her. They’d both gotten so much fun out of teasing McGee, and now his team was in pieces.

"I wish I’d never hired her." He hadn’t meant to say that, to let it out into the humid air where the words lingered like shadows.

"No you don’t. She was a good agent and she loved her job. Don’t take that from her."

Gibbs nodded in agreement. He couldn’t go back and change the outcome of investigating the murder on Air Force One and meeting Kate.

He held out a cup. "Want a drink?"

Tony backed away. "No offense boss, but that stuff should be used to strip engines."

Gibbs smiled in agreement.

"Plus, I bought my own." He watched Tony take a short swig out of a flask.

"What do you want Tony? I think you know I’m not in the mood for visitors."

"We go back to work tomorrow and I just…I wanted to-"

Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "McGee get this special treatment?"

"He’s over at Abby’s."

Tony ducked his head. "I know you’re mad and I know you want Ari to pay in the worst way, but I gotta know you’re not going to go off on a tangent when he decides to come out of hiding."

Gibbs threw down his sandpaper.

"What are you saying, Tony? That I can’t do my job? I knew something was off about that bastard, but everyone’s telling me he can’t be touched, he’s our only link to Al-Queda, leave him alone. I did that and he killed my agent! She died right in front of me and I couldn’t stop it. That fucker!" His cup crashed against the wall and he blinked at the liquid that dripped down the walls.

"She’s dead, Tony and it’s my fault."

Tony grabbed him and turned him around. "You know it’s not. No way you could have known he’d shoot her."

Gibbs shook his head. "I warned him, I warned that son of a bitch if he got near her I’d kill him and it just gave him more incentive to do pull the trigger. I should have remembered he loved going over the line."

Tony’s hand lay hot but comfortable on his shoulder. "I repeat, you couldn’t have known. I also know you’ll find him and tear him to pieces. I just want you to do two things for me."

Gibbs frowned and looked at Tony’s eyes. They were full of grief and deep down he could see a burning hatred that threatened to take over DiNozzo’s gaze.

"What?"

"Don’t let him distract you, and when he does show up, you save some for me and McGee."

Gibbs nodded, then put his bottle down. He scratched his head and shrugged his shoulders.

"You want to go upstairs?"

Tony fluttered his eyelashes at him. "I do believe you want to take advantage of me, Mr. Gibbs."

Gibbs laughed, a genuine laugh, and smacked Tony on the back of the head. "Like I need to take advantage of you. If I recall correctly you were the one that took advantage of me."

Tony laughed and walked up the steps. "Yeah well, you needed to loosen up after we found out that Captain Watson arranged for his own wife and daughter to be kidnapped. I wasn’t expecting you to fuck me so hard I walked like a cowboy for two days."

Gibbs watched as Tony undressed. He’d lost weight from being sick and from grief over Kate. After they both were in bed Gibbs touched Tony, and reassured himself that the other man was really there. He knew he’d shut him out over the past few days but he’d had to be strong and get through burying Kate. He wrapped his arm around Tony’s waist and closed his eyes. A few minutes later he felt Tony’s shoulders shake.

"I miss her so much. Who else is going to call me on all the shit I do?"

Gibbs kissed the back of Tony’s neck and squeezed down the lump in his own throat.

"Go to sleep. We got through today and we’ll get through tomorrow. You bring some clothes?"

"Yeah, they’re out in the car."

"Okay."

Gibbs closed his eyes and for the first night didn’t see Kate’s face.

The End.