Chapter 10.
Healing process.
It seemed to last for an eternity. Tony couldn't breath as he looked at the man trying to bring Gibbs back to life...
-We have a pulse.
He knew that Gibbs was a strong man but he had been too close to loose him this time. They put him on a gurney and carried him to the ambulance.
-We have stabilized him for the moment but he has severe head wounds and his blood pressure is very low. He must have internal bleedings. We called the hospital and they are preparing surgery for him.
The paramedic looked at Tony who was still sitting on the floor.
-You should take him with you. I don't think he should drive.
-I will take care of him. Thank you very much for bringing him back to us.
-It is not won yet but he is strong.
Ducky turned to look at Tony as the ambulance was driving away.
-Tony, my dear friend. Jethro will be fine. They are driving him to Bethesda where a squadron of surgeons are waiting for him.
Tony didn't reply and Ducky didn't know if he had really heard him. Kate walked to them and looked at Ducky.
-Is he alright, Ducky? He seems so ...
-Lost. Yeah. You are aware that our Anthony and Jethro are much more than friends to each other?
-They told me so.
-It must have seemed a nightmare coming true to him when he saw Gibbs uncounscious on the ground. He is in shock, Caitlin.
Ducky put a reassuring hand on Tony's shoulder and help him stand up.
-Jethro would need you when he wakes up. I will drive you to the hospital, my friend.
Tony seemed to realise where he was and gave a puzzled look to Ducky and Kate.
-Where is Jethro. Where did they take him?
-He is gone with the ambulance. They are taking him to the hospital.
-I want to see him, Ducky. I need him.
-I know my friend. I know.
It was almost unbearable for them to see Tony so helpless, so vulnerable. He had lost the brightness in his eyes. Ducky was by Tony's side as if he was afraid that the younger man could pass out.
He felt mixed emotions. Of course he was worried for his friend but he was also angry at Gibbs who hadn't been able to take care of himself like he had promised. Ducky knew he had to be strong for Tony and Kate, who was silently crying.
They both helped Tony sit in the passenger seat of the car and Kate drove them fast to Bethesda. Little by little Tony seemed to regain control of his mind.
-Where are those sickening bastards, Kate?
-We sent them to the headquarters. They will be interrogated but as we have all the evidence we need, I don't there will be any need for them to answer questions.
-I want to have five minutes alone with them and I can assure you that they will sing.
-I don't think Morrow will let anyone of us near them. Even if I would like to see their faces in the dirt.
Tony was surprised to hear such hate in Kate's voice. Even if he had doubted that Kate would accept their relationship he realised that she cared a lot about Gibbs and it warmed him a little.
As they entered the emergency room they were asked to wait because Gibbs was already in surgery. There was extensive internal bleeding.
The three of them were asked to sit in the waiting room where a doctor would come to talk to them as soon as Gibbs got out of surgery. They knew that Gibbs was in bad shape. The could not forget the sight of his blood on the ground.
But Tony was the only one who had seen life leave his eyes. He had heard his heart stop and he could still taste the bitterness of that moment in his mouth. The precise moment when he had thought he had lost him for good.
-Tony, do you want something to drink?
-No, thanks Kate. I don't think I would be able to swallow anything. But you can do something for me.
He handed her a small piece of paper.
-It's Brian's phone number. Can you call him. I don't want to leave this room if ...
-No problem, Tony.
They both looked at her as she exited the room. Tony was exhausted. He had witnessed his worst nightmare coming true before him. And now he was waiting for a doctor to tell him that the love of his life would be fine. It was the only thing he wanted to hear right now. The pain in his chest was almost unbearable. He felt as if someone had ripped away his heart.
-He will be fine, Tony. Before the mission he came to me and told me that he had a reason to fight now and you are his reason to fight Tony. He won't give up on you.
-I hope so, Ducky. But he almost died today and I'm so scared.
Tony didn't hold back the tears and didn't resist when Ducky hugged him. He needed to let go. He didn't hear Kate coming back but he felt someone caressing his back.
-I'm sure he loves you, Tony. I saw it in his eyes and Ducky is right you are his reason to fight.
-Thanks, Kate.
They stayed there in a tight embrace, trying to find the strength in each other to believe everything would be fine. Tony was glad that their friends were there with him, he wouldn't have found the strength to wait without them.
They waited there for two hours without anyone to talk to. They all jerked when the door opened revealing Brian who seemed to be more than angry.
-What happened, Tony? I don't understand! You said that...
Ducky interrupted him, seeing that Tony had begun to tremble under the verbal attack.
-Calm down, young man! There was nothing Tony could have done to avoid what had happened, Brian. Jethro is in good hands. Surgeons are operating on him now. You should sit down a moment.
-Yeah, Ducky. You are right of course. Sorry , Tony, I didn't mean to say it like that.
-You were right, Brian. I had promised to protect him and I failed.
Brian stood and walked over to Tony. He knelt in front of him and placed a reassuring hand on the younger agent's arm.
-It's not your fault, Tony. You couldn't have changed anything that happened.
-I don't know, Brian. If I had been faster or if I had guessed that those guys had made two squads.
-Tony, look at me.
Brian waited for Tony to look up at him.
-I don't want you to think that all that's happened is your fault. Jethro wouldn't let you think that. You know that he wouldn't have let you think that you were responsible.
-Brian. You were not here. You didn't see him. You didn't hear his heart stop. I couldn't...
-Tony, I'm sure he will be fine. He will fight for you.
Tony could feel the tears runing down from his eyes once more.
-You have to be strong for him. He would need you when he wakes up, Tony.
They were interrupted by the doctor who opened the door of the waiting room.
-You are Agent Gibbs' family?
-I'm his brother and this is the rest of the family.
-We have stabilized him. His internal injuries were extensive and he lost a lot of blood. We believe we saved his kidneys.
-Will he be okay?
-We can't be sure for now. His skull has been fractured in many places. I called the best neurologist I know. He will be here in the morning.
Ducky's medical experience allowed him to ask precise questions.
-What are the chances of permanent brain damage?
-We can't be sure since he is still unconscious. All I can say is the next twenty four hours will be decisive.
-Thank you, doctor.When could we see him?
-He is still in intensive care and he will remain there until we can upgrade his condition. We will have to wait until tomorrow, at least.
-I need to see him.
Ducky turned to face Tony and was about to try to persude him to go home. But when he saw the pain in his friend's eyes he knew that Tony wouldn't be able to go anywhere without being sure Gibbs was alive.
-Doctor, can we just have a look at him. It was pretty hard for us to see him there.
Ducky could hear the sigh of relief from behind him when the doctor allowed Brian and Tony to go and see Gibbs.
The two men followed the doctor in the corridors. Tony wasn't even aware of where they were heading. The only thing he knew was that he would see Gibbs. What the doctor said was still resonating in his ears. Brain damage, permanent injuries, he didn't want to think about it now.
They arrived in front of the closed door of room number 101.
-Here he is. I give you five minutes. He is in good hands and we have your phone number Agent DiNozzo.
-Thank you, doctor.
Tony opened the door and entered the room where Gibbs was lying in the bed covered with white sheets. Tony could hear the bips from the numerous machines that were linked to his lover.
-He is so pale, Brian.
-I know, Tony. But it's because he has lost a lot of blood. I'm sure he will be fine.
-I hope so, Brian.
The young Agent walked to the side of the bed. His lover had a tube in his mouth to help him breath, his head was heavily bandaged. Tony leaned over the rail, his lips brushing Gibbs' ear.
-You know I love you , boss. I need you here with me. You have to fight.
He had whispered but Brian had been able to hear him. He walked beside Tony and placed a hand on his back.
-I'll take you home, Tony. you need to rest.
Tony looked up at him with wet eyes.
-I don't want to leave him alone, Brian.
-They will take care of him, Tony.
A nurse entered the room, beginning to check on Gibbs' vitals. She smiled at them.
-You are his family?
Tony was the first to answer to the young lady.
-I love him, Ma'am.
She didn't seem to be shocked by the confession Tony had just made. She smiled at him.
-He is a lucky man to have someone like you by his side. Be sure I will take good care of him. I will call you if there is anything new but he will be unconscious for a while.
-Thank you...
-Annie, my name is Annie.
-Promise me to call if anything happens no matter what time it is.
-You have a deal, young man. But promise to try to rest. You look like someone who is exhausted. Now go home and let me do my job.
Brian took Tony's arm.
-I'll take him home and stay with him tonight. We will be here first thing in the morning.
They exited Gibbs' room and walked to the waiting room where Ducky and Kate were still waiting for them.
-Are you OK, Tony?
-Yes, Ducky. I saw him, he seems so pale and all these machines...
-They are here to help him, Tony.
-I know, Ducky but it's not reassuring to think that he needs help to breath.
-Let's drive you home.
They arrived at Gibbs' home ten minutes later. Tony didn't want to stay at his apartment. He felt closer to his lover here. He didn't wait for Ducky to tell him to go to bed and walked to Gibbs' bedroom.
He layed down on the bed where he had slept the last two nights. But he missed him, he couldn't be there without him. He found Gibbs' shirt beside the bed, he took it. He fell asleep in the smell of the one he loved, linked to him.
Ducky and Brian had stayed in the living room and were drinking a coffee, unable to go to sleep.
-What really happened tonight, Ducky?
-It was a dangerous mission. Everyone tried to persuade Gibbs that it wasn't necessary but you know how he can be when he had decided to do something. He wanted to catch those bastards more than any of us. He planned a trap with Tony. They had to play lovers in a gay club and attract the killers. Everything went terribly wrong. We realised there were not two but four killers. As Tony had stayed inside Gibbs went outside. It seems that he had been attacked as he exited the club. As Tony realised that they had been fooled he went outside but it was too late. We found him in the alley, they were beating him.
-God, what had he done?
-He wanted to catch those bastards and I think it blinded him. I'm sorry that we were unable to protect him even against himself.
-It's not anyone's fault, Ducky. I wish Tony could be convinced too.
-He will feel better as soon as Jethro will regain consciousness. You know I've never seen either of them like that. They seem to be really in love this time.
-I've seen that too, Ducky. We will have to take care of them because they are unable to do it themselves.
-You are right my dear friend. I'll begin immediately by checking on Tony.
-I'll prepare something to eat.
Ducky walked to Gibbs' bedroom and found Tony asleep with his lover's shirt in his hands. He sat on the bed. Even if he didn't want to wake him up he was unable to stay away. He had to reassure him, to reassure himself that everything would be fine. He placed his hand on Tony's forehead. The young man must be exhausted because even the contact didn't wake him..
-My poor young friend. I hope you are able to get through this nightmare.
He stood and exited the dark room. He joined Brian in the kitchen where Gibbs' brother was cooking. They shared a light meal and decided to sleep in Gibbs' house.
The next morning Tony was the first up and when Brian joined him he had already made coffee and was ready to go to the hospital.
-You have just the time to drink a cup before we go.
-Sure, Anthony but we will get coffee at the hospital. I think we all need to see him.
-Thanks, Ducky. I am barely able to wait. They didn't phone so he must be fine.
-Off course, Tony. He has always been able to get through the worst moments. Nothing would change that.
As soon as they arrived at the hospital Tony ran more than he walked to Gibbs' room. As he arrived there he found the bed empty. A sudden panic overwhelmed him. He ran outside searching for a doctor.
-Where is he? Ducky he is not here.
-If you had not run so fast, Anthony, you would have heard the nurse who told us that they had moved him to a regular room this morning.
-He is fine?
-Yes, Tony. he even regained consciouness briefly in the morning.
Tony looked around as if he was searching for a sign of Gibbs presence somewhere.
-Room 235. The floor upstairs.
He headed for the stairs. Breathless, he stood in front of Gibbs' door. As he pushed it open, Tony was pleased to see the man he loved carefully wrapped in white sheets. But what made him sigh was the fact that the oxygen machine had disappeared. He suddenly heard a voice behind him.
-He was able to breath on his own and his test results have been better than expected. We decided to transfer him out of the intensive care unit.
Tony was relieved to hear that but he was unable to thank the doctor that had delivered such good news. He sat beside the bed in a plastic chair. He needed to feel Gibbs closer to him, he took his hand and brought it to his lips. He was relieved to feel his warmth against his mouth. He didn't even look up when Ducky, Brian and Kate entered the quiet room.
-I'm glad to see the two of you reunited. The doctor let us enter just a minute... You will be able to stay with him today, Anthony. The nurses have told us he regained consciousness briefly this morning and the only word he said was your name. So they guessed that it would be better for him to have you by his side.
-Yeah, I'll stay with him. I don't want him to wake up alone. But for the case...
-Don't worry Tony. McGee and I will take care of the reports. He needs you here and for now Gibbs' health is our only priority.
-Thank you, Kate.
-Take care of him and when he wakes up, tell him that we are all with him.
-Sure, Kate but I'm sure he already knows it. We are a family.
-Yes, Anthony, we are. And as a family we stay close through tough times.
Tony smiled at them seeing that they really meant it. He could almost picture the rest of their weird family. Even if Abby and McGee were not here he could feel that they both shared the emotions caused by Gibbs' attack.
As they exited the room he concentrated on Gibbs' breathing. He could have stayed here all day long just looking at his chest rising with each breath.
A new nurse entered the room a moment later.
-You must be Tony. You know he asked for you the moment he opened his eyes. My name is Cassie. Do you want anything to drink or eat?
-Nice to meet you, Cassie. Even if I wish it could have been in other circumstances.
-Yes, I guess it is a stressful situation for you but his results are good considering what he has been through. The doctors expect him to wake up soon.
-I'm glad to hear it. It has been a nightmarish week.
-If you need anything or if you have questions, don't hesitate. My shift ends at noon.
-Are you so involved with every patient or have you experienced his charm before.
-In fact I've met him years ago. He was my neighboor and one night as I was walking back from the university I was attacked by two men. Gunny heard me call for help...
-Let me guess... He kicked their sorry asses back to their mother's home?
-Something like that. He looked after me until he moved to a new town.
-He does that sometime with people he cares about.
-You two seem to be close?
-We are. We worked together for years now and we are friends.
-I respect your discretion but there is much more than friendship in the way you look at him, the way you were holding his hand when I came in. You don't have to hide what you feel in front of me. I am just married so I know what it feels like.
-Thanks, Cassie.
-No problem. I owe Gunny for what he did to help me. He is a good man.
Tony didn't reply, he had only eyes for Gibbs. Cassie walked out of the room smiling at the love she could see in Tony's eyes. Gibbs moved in his sleep and Tony approached him.
-Jethro, can you hear me. Come on, open your eyes for me. I know you can do it.
It was hard to see him fight against the pain, the tiredness but Tony knew Gibbs would do it for him.
-Look at me, love. Show me that you are here. I miss you so much.
Tony wanted to scream as he finally saw the blue eyes of his lover.
-Good job, boss.
Gibbs looked at him but Tony didn't know if he could really see him. He seemed to be confused.
-You are in a hospital, don't try to move. You were assaulted in the alley behind the pub last night. You have lost a lot of blood and they had to operate on you.
Gibbs closed his eyes as if the memories were coming back. Tony thought he had lost consciousness again but the older man took his hand and squeezed it. It was his way to make him understand that he remembered.
-We caught them boss. They will spend the rest of their lives behind bars. We have all the proof we needed.
Tony could see how relieved Gibbs was to hear it as he rifted into sleep again.
Cassie re entered the room holding a steaming cup of fresh coffee.
-I thought that you would like to drink something hot. It's pretty chilly today.
-Thanks.
Tony took the offered cup and couldn't hide the huge smile that was plastered on his face.
-He woke up, didn't he?
-Yeah, he didn't say anything but I was able to tell him what happened.
-And he saw that you were here with him. It will help him recover to know that you are with him. I think that he needed to see you as much as you needed to.
-I guess I needed to be sure he was alive. You know when I saw him unconscious on the ground of that alley, there was so much blood... I thought he was dead.
-I'm sure he will be fine. It will certainly take some time but he will recover with your help. It's obvious that you love him and the fact that you were the first he asked for when he woke up shows how important you are for him.
-Life has his own way to make you understand what is really important. And this man is the most important person in my life. I can't imagine living without him.
-I think I can understand. I saw Doctor Fraser, the one who did the surgery yesterday, he will come later in the morning with the neurologist he called. I told him to share the details with you as you are Agent Gibbs' next of kin.
-You think he will need another surgery?
-I can't say for sure but the MRI showed swelling that needs to be reduced. Doctor Fraser would be more precise than me.
-Thanks, Cassie for being honest with me.
Tony smiled at her when she exited the room. He couldn't help loving her.
-Tony?
The voice was weak but it was the softest sound he had ever heard.
-I'm here, Love. I won't move from here. You just need to rest.
-Need you.
Tony was not sure what Gibbs meant but he saw him raised his hand searching for him. He took it and pressed it to his cheek.
-I won't let you alone, Love. Don't be afraid, I will stay here.
He kissed his lover's hand trying to reassure him by his warmth. He didn't want him to feel lonely as he had when he was a child. He needed to feel his love. It had always been easy for Tony to express his feelings. Gibbs seemed to relax at the contact even if it was obvious that he was in pain. Even Tony relaxed a bit.
A moment later, Doctor Fraser entered the room with a white haired man.
-Agent DiNozzo, this is Doctor Jones the neurologist. He's going to have a look at Agent Gibbs. Did he wake up already?
-Briefly minutes ago. He seemed confused for a moment but he recognized me.
-That's a good sign. His results are good but we must take every precaution to avoid further injuries.
-Sure, doctor. I'll wait outside while you examine him.
-Thank you , Agent DiNozzo.
Tony exited the room giving a last look at the man in the bed. He was waiting in the hall when he saw Abby coming from the other end.
-Abs, what are you doing here?
-I couldn't stay in the lab without thinking about him. So McGee sent me here.
-I'm happy to see you here, Abs. He woke up a moment earlier and he recognized me.
-Why are waiting outside?
-He is with Doctor Fraser and the neurologist to see if he suffers from other damage.
-Do you think he will be fine?
-I hope so, Abs. But the nurse told me that there was still swelling and he may need more surgery.
-Hasn't he had enough? And you Tony? How are you dealing with all this mess?
-I'm better now that I saw him awake. He even talked to me.
-I'm sure he willbe fine, Tony.
The two doctors exited the room while they were talking.
-How is he, doctor?
-He seems fine to me, Agent Dinozzo. He talked to us and he was aware of where he was and what had happened.
-You don't know how I'm glad to hear it, Doctor Jones. What about the swelling in his brain?
-We will schedule another MRI later to see if it has been reduced. But I don't think that he will need more surgery.
Abby couldn't stay quiet at the good news.
-It's great, Tony! Can we see him, doc?
-Sure, young lady. He is awake but we must let him rest.
-Thank you, Doctor.
The two doctors walked to another room as Tony and Abby entered Gibbs' room. The older man was wide awake and smiled at his friends.
-Hello you two!
-Happy to see you awake, boss.
-Abs! What are you doing here? You don't have a job to do?
-Sure, boss. It's my break.
Abby couldn't hide her smile. Tony approached the bed and sat on the edge.
-How are you, Jethro?
-Fine, Tony. Even if I don't really remember what happened. The only thing I seem able to remember is you talking to me.
-I'm glad that you remember me, boss. There is no need to remember anything else. The only thing important is that you are here now.
-You are so cute together! That's wonderful that you finally decided to declare yourselves.
-Abby!
The two had replied at the same time, looking at the young woman in front of them. Abby kissed Gibbs' forehead softly and whispered something in his ear that Tony wasn't able to hear. She exited the room.
-What did she tell you?
-It's a secret between us Tony.
-Can I kiss you, boss?
-Do you really have to ask?
-I don't want to hurt you, Jethro.
Tony bent and placed a slight kiss on Gibbs' lips.
-Now, I'm fine.
Tony was smiling at him when he felt his eyes water.
-I will be fine Tony. You don't have to worry.
Gibbs wiped the tears away but the movement made him wince.
-Don't move, boss. You've been badly hurt. What do you remember exactly?
-I remember my father, our last case and that stupid mission I planned. And a man called Blair don't ask me who he is.
-You have almost all the pieces. The plan was too risky and it turned wrong. I hadn't guessed that there were four attackers. They were waiting for you to leave the club.
-I'm sorry, Tony. I should have been more careful. I didn't see it coming.
-You couldn't have guessed. Besides we were supposed to back you up. When you left the club, I felt that something was wrong but I couldn't put a finger on what was bothering me. When I realised it, it was too late...
-It was not, Tony. they didn't kill me.
His breath was uneasy and he could feel the tears in his eyes. It was too hard for him to think about the moment he had felt Gibbs' heart stop. Gibbs felt that Tony was too shocked to talk. He had to reassure him.
-Hey, come here.
He guided Tony's face on his bandaged chest trying not to wince at the pain caused by the contact.
-Can you hear it, Tony?
The younger man didn't quite understand what Gibbs meant but the hand in his hair forced him to stay still.
-Do you hear my heart? I'm still here, Tony and I have no intention of dying soon. If I'm still alive it's only because of you. I was about to give up, Tony but then I heard your voice and felt you hand in mine.
Tony concentrated on his earing trying to feel Gibbs' heart. What a beautiful sound. Here it was, strong and regular. The young man closed his eyes and let his feelings overwhelm him. He could feel all the tension of the last days fly away from him. Gibbs could feel his lover's sobs and became aware of what Tony had been through.
As Ducky and Brian entered the room five minutes later they found the two men deeply asleep. Tony still wrapped around his lover's chest.
-I'm glad that they finally found each other. They were meant to be together.
-How long did you know that they were in love with each other, Ducky?
-I think I knew it even before them. I saw their exchanges. They were not aware of the way they touched, the way they looked at each other, how close they were.
-Jethro would not have been able to recognize love because of what Dad had done to him. Why didn't Tony say anything?
-He was attracted to him from almost the beginning but I think he was afraid to be rejected. They were friends and he didn't want to risk it for a dream.
-I hope they will be okay.
-We will look after them and prevent them from making a mistake. What about leaving them have some rest? May I buy you a coffee, young man?
-I knew you were a gentleman, Doctor Mallard.
-It's amazing how you look exactly the same as your brother.
-I take it as a compliment.
-It was one.
Both men headed for the cafeteria letting Tony and Gibbs rest in each others arms.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Everything is in the title
Chapter End Notes:
Special thanks to Atymer who beta read it for me.
Special dedication : Hope you will enjoy this one, Love. Don't forget I love you
Special dedication : Hope you will enjoy this one, Love. Don't forget I love you