Chapter three.
Face to face.
It was past seven the next morning when Tony arrived at Gibbs' house. Brian was alone in the kitchen when he heard the knock on the front door.
-Hi, Tony! Come in, I've made fresh coffee.
-Hi, Brian. I was sure you would say that. You are a caffeine addict too?
-Less than Jethro. I've seen him drink coffee since he is ten.
Tony looked around waiting for his boss to yell at him because he was late.
-Where is he? He will certainly be angry because I'm late but I thought he would need some rest after what happened yesterday.
-Yeah, he had a tough day and the night was no better. He didn't sleep well.
-I guess it was hard for him to talk about it ... For both of you...
-I don't really remember what it was like most of the time, only our last days home. But Jethro had suffered for years... I'm glad you were here, it's reassuring to know there is someone he can rely on.
-I don't think he is aware that he can consider me as a friend. He only sees me as a team mate but I care about him.
-I realised that and Jethro knows it too. He has difficulties to open up as if he didn't want to be hurt or see someone he loves hurt anymore...
Brian didn't really realise what he was saying but he saw on Tony's face that the young agent had heard him well.
-Brian, did he told you what really happened to him that night?
-No but he reacted violently when I tried to make him talk. There is definitely something more. You will have to ask him. I think he will tell you when he'd be ready. Let him do it at his rythm. He is fragile even if he hides it well.
-I think I noticed it yesterday for the first time in two years. So where is he? We gonna be late.
-He is still sleeping. He needed it but you should bring him some coffee if you want to wake him up without being shot at.
-He doesn't sleep with a gun, does he?
-Be careful, Tony!
Tony headed to the stairs with a full mug of black coffee hearing Brian laugh at him.
-Brian you would be responsible for my death if he shoots me. Be sure I would come back to haunt you.
He was given no response but a sounding laugh. He was now in front of the bedroom's door and wasn't sure what to do next. He opened it without knocking.
Gibbs was laying on his back, fully dressed, an arm thrown on his eyes. The older man seemed to be deeply asleep but as Tony approached he saw rapid movements in Gibbs jaw and hands.
He was dreaming and it was not a good dream for sure. Tony sat on the edge of the bed, putting the steaming mug on the nightstand. He knew he shouldn't do that. He should go and search Brian. But if he wanted Gibbs to trust him with his worst fears, why not beginning now. Gibbs was now more agitated and he began to scream still asleep.
-Ethan, get out of here!
Tony put on hand on Gibbs' shoulder trying to wake him up from this nightmare.
-Gibbs, it's Tony. You must wake up, it's only a dream. Nobody is hurt.
At this words, Gibbs sat on his bed abruptly, fighting to catch his breath.
-Are you Ok, Boss? You were having a bad dream.
Gibbs turned his head to look at Tony. Tony was breathless to see him so frightened. He didn't know what to do when Gibbs put his arms around him and rested his head on his shoulder. He did what he thought was the best for Gibbs and hugged him back.
-They are always bad, Tony. I just hadn't made this one for a very long time.
-I brought you some fresh coffee. It maybe help you waking up.
-I'm not sure I could drink it now but thanks for the thought.
It must have been a really bad dream if Gibbs refused a coffee.
-What time is it?
-Don't yell at me. It's 0730 but we are not late officially. I called Kate and told her to call me here if there was something special before our arrival.
-What did you tell her?
-That my car was broken, that I borrowed yours and must pick you up this morning so we would probably be late...
-Good, so I have enough time to take a quick shower.
-So, you are not mad at me, certainly the best news of the week.
Gibbs winced at Tony's words. The younger man seemed to be relieved by the fact that Gibbs was not pissed at him.
Gibbs had never thought his changes of mood had so much effects on Tony.
-Am I such a bastard with you?
Tony looked at his boss and saw that it was not an innocent question. The answer wasn't easy to tell but he had to be honest with him.
-Most of the time, no... you are not. But lately you seem to be mad at me whatever I do and sometimes I wonder what I've done to deserve that.
-Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't realise I was so hard on you. I didn't mean to hurt you. You didn't do anything wrong, it's just me...
-Has it something to do with what happened to you and Ethan?
Gibbs was about to stand up when he heard the name.
-How do you know about Ethan? Brian told you! He promised.
Gibbs was out the room before Tony could say anything to explain that he had heard him call for him in his sleep. When Tony reached the kitchen he saw the two brothers face to face but Brian didn't seem to be afraid by his brother's anger.
-You had no right to tell him! I trusted you!
-I didn't tell anything to anyone and if you calm down and explain what this is all about, I would be able to tell you more. For now, I don't understand a word of what you are trying to tell me.
Gibbs seemed to soften a bite. He could feel Tony's eyes upon him and realised he had over reacted. He seemed to have no control on his emotions since yesterday and he hated his father even more for the way he made him feel even after all those years.
-How does he know about Ethan?
-You should ask him for that, Jethro.
-I'm sorry, boss. I shouldn't have asked but you were speaking in your sleep. You were screaming and telling him to go out. I didn't know who you were alking about so... I asked. You know me, I can't keep my mouth shut. Forget about it, I had no right to ask in the first place.
Gibbs sat at the kitchen table hiding his eyes in his hands.
It was the second time in two days that Tony saw his boss shake and he didn't like it at all. He couldn't let him alone so he took the chair next to him and passed an arm around his shoulders.
-Sorry, I wish I could help you but I don't know what to do to ease the pain. I won' t say I understand what you came through because I can't. My parents were not perfect but they loved me and told me so. I had a family. I can't even begin to imagine that parents could hurt their own children.
Gibbs seemed to be lost in his thoughts. And he didn't look up when he finally spoke.
-I can't let you know what happened, I can't let you go away from me.
-What do you mean? Whatever happened it was not your fault. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You were only a child. Besides I don't intend on going anywhere, you must trust me on this.
Gibbs was about to talk when Tony's cell phone rang. It was Kate. She always had a good timing.
-Shit! ... Dinozzo!
-Tony, it's Kate.
-What's up, Kate?
-You told me to call if something special happened. I think it's special. A man came in ten minutes ago. He claims he is Gibbs' father and wants to talk to him. He said he hadn't seen him for years.
-Kate, where is he, now?
-He is waiting in the rest room.
-Ok, call Mc Gee and tell him to stay with you. Don't stay alone with that man, Kate.
-He doesn't seem to be dangerous, he is just an old man.
-Trust me for once. I'm on my way. I'll be there in ten minutes.
Tony didn't wait to hear her reply and hung down. He didn't know what to tell Gibbs. The older man didn't need to face his father but he couldn't lie.
-He is at the office, isn't he? He didn't lose time.
-Yeah, he wants to talk to you but I can handle it for you. You stay here and I tell him you don't want to have anything to do with him. It's simple.
Brian needed to intervene, he knew too well what his brother was about to do.
-Jethro, you are not obliged to do it. Tony's right.
-I know but I can't and won't hide from him and if I don't go nothing would stop him from coming here. I don't want him anywhere near you or someone close to me.
-Because you really think I would let you face him alone this time. Never, Jethro, I've done it too much in the past ! I won't let you down. I come with you!
-Surely not! You won't come with me.
-Gibbs! Brian! Calm down! Boss you can't decide for him. He is not ten anymore.
-Thanks for your support Tony. So, if it's a plot. Let's go!
-Jet, you should take a shower and shave.
-No need. The sooner I get rid of this, the better I would feel.
-If you say so, boss.
They drove in silence to the NCIS' Washington headquaters. Gibbs' eyes were fixed on the road and Tony could hear the engine of his brain working faster than usual. He was sure Gibbs was planning something and he really didn't like it. Brian seemed to fear the same thing and looked anxiously at his brother.
As soon as they arrived, Gibbs was out of the car and running to the entry of the federal building. The two men were not surprised to see him run into the line of fire but Tony couldn't help feeling helpless to avoid the confrontation and the pain that would probably follow for Gibbs.
-We should follow him, Tony. He is about to do something stupid.
-That's what I'm afraid of. We'll catch him at the checking point he had forgotten his card in the car.
They found a pretty angry Gibbs at the checking point trying to persuade the guard to let him in. Tony gave him his identification card and they entered the building together.
Gibbs was looking around obviously searching for his father.
-Where is he?
-Hi, boss. It's a pleasure to see you so nice. You didn't have you coffee?
-Hi, Kate. Yes I had one. Tony brought me one in bed this morning.
Gibbs had not been pleased by her welcome but he had no time to argue and had found a way to shut her up. She gave Tony a puzzles look but the agent only smiled at her. His reputation was over but he didn't care. They had more important things to take care of.
-Can I have an answer? Where is he ?
-Right here, son!
Gibbs turned as he heard his father's voice. The man was older than the last time he had seen him but but he still had the same cold blue eyes.
Tony was speechless. Looking at this old man who seemed still strong and tall he could imagine what Gibbs and Brian had suffered. There was no love in his eyes.
-Don't call me that! I'm not your son since the day you killed Danny! I'm not eight years old anymore. You've never been a father for me.
-It was a long time ago, son. A man can change.
Gibbs wanted to laugh as he heard his father's statement but he only managed to wince doubtfully.
-What do you want?
-We can find a more private place? I only want to talk to both of you.
-There is nothing to talk about besides you are not allowed to talk to Brian or even approach him. Remember?
The old man didn't seem to appreciate his son's arrogance.
-No matter what you say, I'm still your father and I just want to have a little talk with my son.
Jethro Anderson had closed the space between them while he was speaking. The two men were now face to face and Tony could see Gibbs would not be able to stand his father's proximity any longer. Anderson was threatening him.
-Go out of my office!
-Otherwise...? what would happen if I don't want to get out? Tell me, what would you do?
Gibbs was now sure that his father hadn't change. He was defying him in his own office and he had to stop it now and there. So he would go woth the plan he had come up with.
-I don' t want to hurt you but if you don't go now, I'd have no choice.
-Violence is always a choice! That's what the shrinks told me. I thought you learnt that too. If you don't want to go somewhere else, we can talk here. If you don't mind the audience!
-I don't know what you are looking for but you won' t get it. So if you want to stay here then I go. Do what you want to do, I don't care anymore.
Gibbs was about to go out when his father grabbed his right sleeve.
-You can't go like that, you owe me an explanation. You sent me to jail and I want to know why you betrayed me.
Tony couldn't believe what he had just heard. It sounded as if it had been him the victim. The old man's eyes were bright with anger.
-I don't owe you anything. You killed Danny. There is nothing more to say. You wanna know what I felt when they took you? I was relieved that you wouldn't be able to hurt anyone. You are sick and I'm not responsible for that.
Anderson was about to explode. Tony could tell that he was mad as hell. He understood at that moment that it was part of Gibbs' plan. He wanted to make him react in a way or another.
-Now let me go!
-You can't talk to me like that, you little shit!
Gibbs froze. His father was going to hit him. He could feel it in his flesh, like a memory. His instict told him to punch him first but he couldn't move.
He saw his father's fist come to his face once, twice before he fell on the floor and felt kicks on his head and on his back. Then, everything went dark.
He could still hear voices and realised that the kicks had stopped replaced by pain.
-Boss, can you hear me?
Tony had run to his boss after two security guards had brought Anderson in cell.
-Gibbs, open your eyes for me. I'm sorry I didn't see it comming. Shit, Kate, go and search for Ducky! Now!
-We should call an ambulance! Tony, there is blood everywhere!
-Kate! Ducky, now!
Tony had yelled at her. He knew she was right but Gibbs didn't need to wake up in a hospital. The trauma of meeting his father was enough and he knew how Gibbs hated hospitals. Knowing what he knew now he was beginning to understand where it came from.
-Brian, are you Ok?
He turned to look at Gibbs' brother when he received no answer.
-Brian, I need your help. Jethro needs your help... now!
Brian was frozen, holding the desk as if it was his last link to life.
Tony stood and put his hands on the young man's shoulders. He needed him to focus even if he knew that Brian was remembering another event that had happened years ago when he had thought his brother was dead.
-I know it's hard for you but Jethro needs you. You must be strong for him like he had always been for you.
-What do you want me to do?
Gibbs was stil uncouncious on the floor, blood running freely from the gash he had above his right eye. Some injuries were visible and Tony felt sick and the thought that he had endured it for years as a child.
-Come here and help me putting him in a safe position. We can't risk moving him before Ducky had had a look at his injuries.
They moved the injured man cautiously trying not to hurt him more than he already was. Tony couldn't help wincing as he looked at Gibbs injuries. What take Ducky so long, his lab was just two stairs down!!. He was relieved to see him enter the room, a case in his hands.
-What the hell happened here?
Tony was a bite shocked, in two years he had never heard the ME swear.
-Anthony, who did it to him?
-It' s a long story and we don't have time for now. He needs assistance.
-Why didn't you call for an ambulance. Caitlin told me that you refused to do so.
Ducky was examining Gibbs while he was interrogating Tony.
-I know it seems unwise but he had been hurt before by the same person. I think that what happened yesterday was only a small part of the story. The one who had caused him to pass out yesterday was here today.
-So, you thought, judging by the profound discomfort that Jethro feels every time he is near an hospital that bringing him here would add to the trauma.
-I wouldn't have said it in such an elegant way but that's it!
Ducky concentrated on his patient washing the gash and searching for head trauma.
-I think there would be no need for an ambulance. But I must put some stitches on his head wound. If you two could bring him in the restroom, he would be more comfortable on a sofa.
-Is he fine, Ducky?
-Fine is not the right word Anthony. But his injuries are not life threatening only painful. He must have some bruises on his back and chest. I would be able to examine him more thouroughly in the restroom.
-Sure. Brian can you help me. Take his legs.
Tony and Brian brought him in the small room and put him on the couch that had been brought there for the too long working nights.
-Help me taking his shirt off.
When Tony and Ducky looked at Gibbs's chest and back they both winced. The bruises were already turning blue.
-God, it'll hurt like hell!
-I'll make a tight bandage for his ribs but I can't do anything more. With a good cream, some pills to ease the pain and a lot of rest he will soon be fine.
Tony was looking at Gibbs' face. He seemed to be asleep and Tony wished he would keep this serenity even if he was aware that it was impossible. Gibbs had a lot of demons to face and he could only imagine how hard it would be for him after what his father had just done.
-Here we are. As soon as he wakes up I would give him some painkillers and then you would bring him home.
-Thank you so much, Doctor. I'm glad that Jethro has such friends.
-You must be Brian? Nice to meet you, young man. I wished it would have been in a more enjoyable moment. I'm doctor Mallard, Ducky for almost everyone.
-Ducky, when will he regain conciousness? He has been out for half an hour. Are you sure there is no head trauma?
-I think he will be soon awake, Anthony. To answer your question I don't think that he had passed out because of the blows. I think he did it willingly.
-How is that possible? I know that he is always in control but nobody could pass out on command!
-I've already seen it years ago. A young boy who had been beaten on regular basis was able to order his brain to shut down every time he felt threatened. He had learnt to control his mind in order to avoid the pain.
-But Gibbs had never had such a reaction before even when he was shot at. So why now?
-Call it self-preservation or subconcious' memory. But his instinct had told him when to shut down.
Ducky looked at Brian who hadn't spoken for a long time. The young man was looking at his brother obviously lost in his own nightmare.
-Tony, can you stay here with Jethro. I don't want him to be alone when he wakes up. I think our young friend here needs fresh air.
Ducky dragged Brian out of the room without meeting any resistance. As the two men were gone, Tony sat besides his boss. After what seemed hours to Tony, Gibbs opened his eyes, his eye because the right one was already too swollen to open up.
-Take it easy, boss.
-Water.
-Sure, just here, drink slowly. How are you feeling?
-Better now that he is away for good.
-You did it on purpose, didn't you?
-What do you mean?
-You had it all planned? You were ready to let him hurt you in order to have him arrested.
-You think I like it? How can judge what I do or had to do?
Gibbs was trying to get up but the pain stopped him.
-You should stay here. For your information, boss, I don't judge what you've done, I was just saying that you should have told me. You should have been...
-Killed? I knew that it could have come to that but you were there to stop him.
-I couldn't stop him before he hit you. Besides I didn't even have my gun!
-I hadn't time to tell you. You would have wished to discuss like you always do.
Looking around Gibbs seemed suddenly anxious.
-Where is Brian? Did he hurt him?
-Your brother is fine. He needed fresh air so Ducky brought him for a walk.
-I didn't want him here, he didn't need to see that.
-Your father had been arrested, he will return t jail. It's what you hoped for, didn't you?
-I knew he couldn't resist for long. I knew well what to do to make him react. I'm not sure why but it seemed that he was always mad at me. I just had to wait until the pressure was too high.
-How did you manage to pass out on demand? Ducky said it may be a self-preservation mecanism?
-I don't now what it is but when I was a child he came to my bedroom when he was angry. I knew what he would do so at first I retired in my head somewhere safe. With the time I was able to retire so deeply inside myself that my mind ust shut down to preserve himself.
-God, and today?
-I think it was an instinctive reaction. When he hit me I was back years ago.
-He is out of your life now.
-He will never really be out of my life. He had destroyed Brian's life. So many things would have been different if he hadn't been there. He tainted whatever I lived, whoever I loved.
-Like Ethan?
-Don't push me this way Tony! I've already told you , there's some things I'm not ready to talk about.
-I'm ready to hear it if you ever want to talk to someone. You know I'm your friend and nothing would ever change that.
-Don't make promises you would be unable to keep. I wish it could be true but you don't know what secret I was obliged to keep to myself.
They were interrupted by a slight knock at the door.
-Come in, Kate!
-How did you know it was me, Tony?
-Who else?
-Sure, how are you feeling, boss?
-For now... like I had been hit by a truck.
-We delivered him to the local police. They took him to the station. He was a little bite aggressive. They will come later to take your deposition.
-Thank you , Kate. I know you have a lot of questions about what happened but I can't answer now, and may be I never will. I would like to thank you for what you did.
-I wish I could have helped you more.
She turned to Tony offering him a concerned look.
-Take care of him, Tony. I think you will need some holidays... both of you. You look like shit, Tony.
-Thank you so much, Kate. But it's not me who have a bandaged head and a swollen eye.
-No, but you look like someone who could use a good night sleep. The big boss wants to see both of you as soon you feel good enough to walk.
-Sure if Tony could help me up.
It was obvious that Gibbs was in pain but he managed to walk to Morrow's office on his own. He listened to his boss and accepted the medical leave he ordered him to take.
He was surprised when Tony asked for downtime and even more amazed when Morrow granted him. They were out of Morrow's office an hour later and the only thing that Gibbs wished for was to go home and lie down on soft pillows. Tony seemed to read his mind.
-I will search for Ducky and Brian and then I'll bring you home. You should wait for me in the restroom. I'll try to hurry.
-I think I'll need some help to go there. I can't handle the stairs on my own.
-You don't look so good maybe we could take you to the hospital?
-No, I just want to go home. Go and find Brian so we could go.
-First, I bring you to the couch so you could lie down.
-Thanks, Tony.
-It's a pleasure to serve you, my Lord!
-it's a bite too much.
Tony saw a slight smile on Gibbs' face for the first time in days. He was relieved the nightmare was over even if he wasn't it really was for Gibbs. Anderson was behind bars and Gibbs would go on with his life.
But Tony knew something had changed between them. Gibbs had shared his fears with even if it was unvoluntuary. He felt closer to him. He wasn't sure what these feelings were but he was proud to be considered as a friend by his boss. He was glad that he had trust him enough to tell him the thruth about his father even if he knew there was a part still unsaid.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Gibbs has to face his past
Chapter End Notes:
I began writing slash fic a year ago and finally decided to submit my first one. I wrote in english but I'm french so please be indulgent with the mistakes I've certainly made. I 'm open to all suggestions and advices ...
thanks for the mail you sent me!
thanks for the mail you sent me!