Chapter six.
A letter from the past.
Jethro had hung down the phone and was still on his bed. Tony had accepted to talk but he knew that nothing was won. He had to convince Tony that he was not disturbed by what he had said without showing his own feelings. Tony was not attracted to him and Jethro was not ready to loose him as a friend for a false dream. He knew that he needed him.
He sat there with Ethan's letter in his hands not really sure what to do next. It was perhaps high time for him to read it. He opened it and began to read. Little by little the tears began to run down his cheeks. Ethan had always been his link with life and even now he was dead he was sending him a message that he couldn't ignore.
He was there in his bedroom crying, when Tony opened the bedroom door. Gibbs' back was turned to the door and he didn't see the young man enter the room.
-Hey, boss. What are you doing in the dark?
Tony sat on the bed next to Gibbs. The next thing he saw was Gibbs' eyes. They were red and swollen. He could still see wet marks on his cheeks. He had never seen him cry before and he didn't really know how to react.
-What happened, Boss? Is there something wrong?
-No, Tony. I was just reading an old letter. It brought back old memories. That's all, Tony. I'm sorry.
He knew he had to go straight to the facts and apologise before Tony ran away from him.
-I had a bad reaction when you told me about Justin. But it was not because I disapproved. Your private life should be none of my buisiness but it was a shock for me that I'd never been able to see it before.
-Great speech, you prepared it.
Tony knew that his sharp tone would not improve their situation but he was still too angry at him to pretend everything was fine. He had been deceived by his reaction and he couldn't forget about it so easily. Gibbs was the man he respected the most and he hadn't taken well to feel judged and condemned by him.
-Well, not really. I thought that you would appreciate honesty but it seems that whatever I should say you would not forgive me. I can say that I would have reacted differently if you had said it at another time. But in fact I don't know. I was taken aback by your confession but it doesn't matter anymore.
-What are you trying to say?
Tony was suddenly worried by Gibbs' resignated tone.
-I decided to ask for early retirement. I don't think I would be able to handle the job and all the stress now. And before you ask, it has nothing to do with you. It's only me and my ability to do the job.
Tony couldn't stand what he was hearing. Gibbs couldn't give up on the team like that.
-You can't do that. We need you, the team needs you. You can't just give up like that. What would you do?
-I don't know. Maybe finish my boat, try to build a new life. And I need time to do that.
-I can't believe that it is you who say that. I've never seen you as a coward, someone who runs away but that's what you do. You are fleeing.
-That's not what I do. I gave all I had and I have nothing left to give. I don't want to hide myself behind the job anymore.
-Off course, that's what you do. You said that you won't be able to handle the job. Why? Because of what happened the last three days or because you can't trust me anymore? I should be the one to go, so.
Tony couldn't hide his anger.
-You are wrong, Tony. I've always trusted and I would trust with my life no matter what you can say. I'm just tired of pretending to be strong, to be the one in charge. I don't want to be in charge anymore.
-So you choose to be alone instead. To turn your back on what is your life. Would it be easier to grieve on what you life should have been if there is noone around.
For the first time in years Gibbs felt the need to be honest in front of Tony, to make him realise how he felt.
-I want that nightmare to end. I don't want to dream every night that I'm back in the basement where he locked me when he wanted to be alone, to see Danny's body fall, to feel his hands on me...
Gibbs was breathless. It was almost unbearable to see him so helpless. Gibbs was a strong man and it was the way that Tony sees him. He had always been able to keep control on everyone and everything but today he seemed lost, traumatised by his past.
-I don't want to see pity in my friend's eyes. And don't want to be the one who had been bashed in their eyes. I don't want to loose my friends because I am unable to love them. I don't want to loose you, Tony but I know that I have nothing to offer for now.
-What make you think that you have to loose someone. When I offered my friendship, I didn't wait for something in return. I wanted to be here for you.
Gibbs winced at the use of the past tense. Nothing had gone as he had hoped and now he was in front of his friend and he didn't know what he had to do.
-You need help. And I'm sure that doing your job would be an important part of the healing process. Giving up in not the solution. Take a little more time to think about it before doing anyhting stupid.
-You may be right but for now I don't see what I could do to feel better.
-You didn't sleep well for two days and didn't eat properly neither. You can't go on like that. I'll prepare something to eat and then you would take a nap. You can't make such a decision in the state you are.
Gibbs tried to smile but he had no strenght left and only managed a grin. He couldn't help feeling relieved at Tony's light tone. He was glad that he had decided to stay.
-I didn't know that you could cook.
-You can hardly call what I o cooking but I learnt to cook pastas with my grandmother.
-Let's go for pastas, so. Everything you need is in the kitchen. I just take a quick shower.
Tony was dressing the table when Gibbs entered the kitchen his hair still damp from the shower. Tony couldn't help staring at him. The man didn't seem to be aware of his charm, of the strenght that still radiated from him.
-It smells good.
-Just sit and try it.
-I'm not very hungry but I promised...
Gibbs ate half his plate in silence and looked up at Tony. He realised that the younger man was studying him.
-Can I have a coffee, now?
-You didn't eat all your plate? You promised but it's a good start. But no coffee for you otherwise you wouldn't be able to sleep. You don't need to stay awake now. Your father is not here to threaten you or Brian anymore. Besides I would stay here if anything happen.
-Promise me one thing. You would not sleep on a chair.
-Deal! I've always dreamt of sharing a bed with you. Now go to sleep, I'll awake you for dinner.
-Sure Tony. you'll stay here?
Even if he didn't want Tony to think he needed him, he had to be sure Tony wouldn't leave.
-Won't go anywhere, boss.
Tony was now alone in the kitchen washing the dishes. It allowed him to think about what had happened since his arrival at Gibbs' house. He had found him crying and couldn't help wondering what Ethan could have writen on this letter.
He had seen Gibbs put it on a box in his bedroom. He was an investigator and he wanted to know what was in this letter. It may help him figuring out what was eating Gibbs inside.
He walked to the bedroom and opened the door. Gibbs seemed to be asleep. He looked at him for a while, seeing for the first time that his bruises had spread and taken a blue taint. It reminded him of his fear when he had seen him uncouncious on the floor of the office.
He forgot about the letter and sat on the bed beside the sleeping man.
Gibbs opened his eyes.
-Sorry to wake you, boss.
-What's up, Tony?
-Nothing. I just wanted to be sure you were fine.
Tony looked up at the box where Gibbs had hiden the letter. Gibbs followed his gaze and understood immediatly what his friend were thinking.
-You can read it if you want. I don't want to hide anything from you. I think it could enlighten some things.
-I don't need to read it but I won't lie to you. I'm curious to know what could make you feel so sad.
-It was not really sadness. It was more regrets about things I should have done or said.
Tony stood up and opened the little box. He took the photographs and smiled at the look of a young Gibbs. He could recognize Brian too.
-Is it Danny?
-Yeah, my father had a little camera. We used to borrow it. It was Ethan who took this one.
-You're sure you want me to read it?
-Yeah, Tony. it might explain you what I'm unable to tell you.
Tony opened the white envelop. The hand writing was regular. Tony read it out loud.
" I don't know if I would ever be able to send this letter to you but I think that I needed to write some things down. The last time I saw you was the worst day of my life and yours for sure.
You were in the middle of this tribunal, a lot of people around you but you seemed to be alone, so lost that it was almost unbearable fo me to look at you. You had lost that brightness in your eyes that made you so special to me.
I know what he had done to you even if I only realised what it really meant years later. I should have stopped him, I should have stayed with you. I wish you could forgive me for abandoning you there. I can't forgive myself.
I loved you, Jethro and I think I still do. You were so brave, so strong and so alive despite of what you had gone through every day of your young life.
I hope you had the life you deserved. I could only hope that you finally found someone who could offer you what I had been unable to give. You deserve to be loved.
I don't know what you felt when I kissed you but it was special to me. It meant a lot that you allowed me to be so close to you. You were my best friend and what we shared meant a lot to me.
I wish I should have been able to save you, to say the words you needed to hear. I loved you so much and I wanted to show how good it was to be loved, to share this love with someone else.
Love worth the risk. If you ever feel what I felt for you when we were kids, go for it. Don't let it fly away.
I hope you will one day read this letter and that it will find you happy with the one you love. You must know something : you have been loved and I hope that you have found the strength not to let your past ruin your life.
Your father was wrong, there is nothing wrong in being loved and love in return . love as nothing to do with the colour or the gender of the one you love.
Don't forget me like I will never forget you. Take care.
Ethan"
Tony was stunned to read it and as he turned to look at Gibbs he saw that the older man was staring at him with wet eyes. Gibbs had been right, it enlightened some of his reactions.
There was so much love in those words. Tony hadn't been aware of what they had shared and missed. He understood why Gibbs had been shocked by his revelations. The last time that Gibbs had been close to another man, he had been badly abused and the man he loved had gone away.
-He seemed to really love you.
-Ethan had writen it years ago and I only read it today.
-Why haven't you seen him after that day. You could have been happy with him. What prevented you from being with him?
-I couldn't see him without remembering what we had done. When I kissed him it was something special. I've never felt that with anyone else. But it was tainted by what happened after.
-It must have been hard for you to see him at the trial.
-I didn't really see him. I was absent. They called it post-traumatic shock. Noone really cared so I go on pretending I was fine.
Gibbs' voice was clear now even if Tony could hear that it had not been so easy for him as he wanted it to appear.
-But you were not, you are still not fine. It is high time for you to stop pretending.
-I did it with you.
-No, you were not totally honest with me.
-What? I've told you everything.
-No, you didn't tell me who is this person you are attracted to. You thought I had forgotten about it?
-No, I was sure you would remember it but I thought you didn't care.
-The reason why you didn't tell me is because it's another man, isn't it?
It was amazing to see how Tony always found a way to obtain what he was searching for. He was now looking expectingly at him.
-You are right. I'm attracted to another man but I can't do anything about it. It's been a long time since I last felt that kind of feelings. But I have nothing to offer to him, I can' t even give love.
-You have a lot of things to offer and I would be proud to inspire such feelings to a man like you.
Gibbs didn't reply. He needed to sit down and breath slowly. The room had began to turn around him. He wasn't sure of what he had heard. How could Tony even think of him as a potential lover?
-Hey, Jethro. Are you ok?
Tony put a hand on his shoulder and sat beside him.
-I meant what I said. You are a good man and I must agree with Ethan. You deserved to be loved.
-What are you saying, Tony?
-That I care about you, a lot. I don't really know how you can call what I feel for you but I want to be part of your life if you would allow me.
Gibbs couldn't stay still he stood up and began to pace in the small room.
-You can't say that, Tony. not now.
Tony didn't have the time to reply before Gibbs was out of the room. He only heard the front door that Gibbs had shut violently. He ran outside not sure what he was searching for. He had read signs that you make him think Gibbs did care about him but he was begining to think that he had made a huge mistake.
It didn't take long to find Gibbs. He was walking down the streets unaware of his surroundings, obviously heading for nowhere in particular.
Gibbs had felt the need to go out of his house. He didn' trealise that the younger man had caught up with him. He was still walking to clear his mind.
-Gibbs, could you stop walking for a minute, we need to talk. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, it was not the good timing. You know I won't do anything that could hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable.
Tony wanted him to stop and look at him. The last thing he wanted was to break the fragile balance they had reached today.
-We need to talk, boss but not here. Let's come back inside.
Gibbs followed him inside. He knew it was the occasion he had waited for but he couldn't find the courage to tell him.
As they entered the house Tony guided him to the couch. He had allowed him to take control of the situation.
-Are you fine, Jethro? I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking straight. After what you had been through... Besides you told me that you had feelings for someone...
-Tony could you just stop babbling so I can say something.
-Sure, boss.
-It's not something easy to say. I tried to find the best way, the best moment to talk to you about it. And now that I had found it I can't say it.
-I don't know what you are trying to say but I can reassure you that I won't do anything. The feelings I always had for you had changed. I surprised myself staring at you and enjoying what I saw. When you didn't say anything this morning I was so angry. I didn't know why but I felt rejected and it was unbearable. I had time to think about it and I realised that what I feel for you goes further than friendship.
-Tony, you don't know what it means to me.
-No I don't and I won't if you don't talk to me. Can you tell me who is the man you have feelings for.
-There is things I could explain first. When you told me that you had had a relationship with another man I was kind of jealous. If you were attracted to men, why had you never try anything with me. I have feelings for you for almost two years and you never...
-What? Stop here! You have feelings for me? For two years? I don't know what amazes me the most. The fact that you could feel something for me or the fact that you waited two years to tell me.
-Sometimes you need to be patient.
-Or stupid!... Sorry, boss. I didn't mean that you are stupid but you have told me.
-I couldn't risk loosing you. I didn't know what you felt and I had learnt to hide.
-I thought that you would hate me if you discovered I was gay so I began to play that game, to date every women I met and talk about it especially when you were there. You seemed not to care. All that time you were hiding your true feelings! What a waste of time!
-We can say that we were both stupid but it wasn't necessarily a waste of time. I shouldn't have told you about my father. I think we needed time to trust each other enough to take the next step.
-So you want to take the next step?
-I don't know.
He saw the disappointment in Tony's eyes and he didn't like it.
-I know what I feel for you but I would need time. I don't know if I am able to have a real relationship. My feelings are true but I can't forget what I was forced to do. You must take it slow but I trust you enough to give it a try. What do you think?
-I think you are right. We worth a try and we will take it as slow as you wish.
Tony approached Gibbs, facing him. He touched his arms. He didn't want to rush things but he needed to be close to him, to make it real.
-You must tell me if I do anything that makes you uncomfortable.
He cupped his cheek with his right hand caressing his lips with his thumb. He felt the older shiver under his touch.
-Does it feel good, boss?
Tony let his hand go down on Gibbs upper arm and rest on his back. He pressed him closer to him.
-Tell me what you feel. I need to know we are right.
Tony was whispering in Gibbs' ear, his hands running up and down his back. It was more a reassuring touch than a loving caress.
-Tony.
It was the only word that he managed to say. He hadn't feel so good since a long time. He didn't want to break the contact.
-Yeah, Jethro. Tell me what you want me to do.
-Just hold me tight, Tony. I need to feel it's real. That you are really here with me.
-Anything you want, Jethro.
They stayed there in a loving embrace. It was the first time they shared such an intimate moment and Gibbs melted in Tony's arms. Tony felt him relax in his arms and was relieved that he accepted him so close to me. He didn't need more for now.
Gibbs rested his head on Tony's shoulder. He felt safe for the first time in years and he realised what he had missed all those years. He had never allowed himself to show any kind of emotions. Now he was in the arms of the man he loved and the feeling of being loved and protected was almost overwhelming. He couldn't hold back the tears that were blurying his vision.
Tony felt Gibbs tensed in his arms. He knew what would follow and he needed Gibbs to show his feelings. He tried to reassure him, caressing his hair.
-It's just you and me here, Jethro. You are safe. You can let go I'll hold you.
A little moan escaped Gibbs' throat turning into a soft sob. He finally allowed himself to feel, feel Tony's arms around him, his hand in his hair, his smell.
-You are with me, Jethro, and I won't let you down whatever we choose to do with us. I won't let anyone hurt you.
It was what he needed to hear. He didn't try to hold back the tears that escaped his eyes.
-Everything will be fine. You can trust me.
Gibbs' last barriers gave up. Tony held him tightly.
-Sssh, it's ok to cry. You have all rights to feel upset. There is nothing to be ashamed of.
Gibbs was exhausted but weirdly he felt safe and free, finally free to love. He looked up at Tony and realised that the young man was crying too.
-I'm sorry, Tony. I didn't mean to upset you.
-I don't cry because I'm sad, Jethro. Feeling you so close is a strong feeling. Are you fine?
-Yeah, Tony. I feel fine in your arms. I don't know where that would lead us but I want it. I want to share my life with you. But...
Tony could hear the insecurity behind Gibbs' last word.
-What bothers you?
-I don't know if I would be able to love you, Tony. It scares me.
-What are you talking about?
-I don't think I'm not ready for a sexual relationship, Tony. I'm sorry but it may take some times.
-Jethro look at me.
Tony waited for his soon-to-be lover to look at him.
-There is no need to rush things. I want to be with you. I won't tell you that I don't want to make love to you. But what I really want with you is much more than a good time in bed. I love you , Jethro with all my heart and all my soul. I want to make you happy, I want to hear you laugh, to spend time with you, to feel your arms around me...
-Tony...I...
Tony guessed that the words were hard to say and he knew there was again an horrible memory behind Gibbs unability to say the word ‘love'. He had always used the word in a negative way.
-We have so many things to learn from each other. I want an us, Jethro.
-I want it too, Tony.
-I'm glad to hear it. For now I think we should get up. Not that I complain having you in my arms but my legs are getting numb and this position won't do any good to your back and ribs.
They stood up. Gibbs was stil unstable on his legs and Tony had to hold him.
-Hey, boss. It was a bite draining for both of us.
-I'm sorry. I guess the last days had been exhausting for you.
-Yeah, they were. But you don't have to apologise for that. You are not responsible for that and it ended pretty well. It worthed the trouble.
They were interrupted by a knock at the door. Tony opened the door allowing Ducky to enter. He immediatly check where Gibbs was.
-I'm happy to see you there, Anthony.
-You were right. I over reacted and misunderstood the meaning of his silence.
They joined Gibbs who hadn't moved. Ducky looked worried when he saw his friend's face. Tony couldn't blame him. Gibbs'eyes were swollen and added to his bruises and cut he looked as if he hadn't slept for days.
-Are you fine, Jethro.
-I'm more than fine, Ducky.
The ME couldn't understand the meaning of his friend's smile but it warmed his heart to see it. He turned to look at Tony only to see the same smile plastered on the younger man's face.
-I guess that the two of you had taken the time to talk.
-We did Ducky. Tony and I cleared some things.
-And?
-You are curious! Let's say that we found out that we had both been stupid and that there was no need to hide anymore.
-Jethro, you told him what you felt?
-Yes Ducky and he didn't run away.
-I told you that I won't let you down, boss.
As he was saying those words, he sat beside Gibbs taking his hand and entwitching their fingers. That simple gesture moved Ducky. He had witnessed the trust that the two men shared but there was something more here. They had finally admitted that they were bonded by something more than friendship.
-I'm sure that you two will be fine so I'll drive home. Mother is worried when I come back late.
-Thanks for everything Ducky.
Ducky walked to the door and as he launched them a last look he felt a slight jealousy seeing what they were sharing.
Tony didn't want to break the contact they had. He wanted it to last but he could see that Gibbs needed to rest.
-It's time to go to bed, Boss. I interrupted your nap and you seem to be exhausted.
-Yeah, I think it's a good idea. I think I could sleep for two days.
Gibbs tried to stand but he sat back wincing with pain.
-Let me help you, Jethro.
Tony put an arm around his waist and helped him up.
-You go to bed, I'll bring you a glass of water with some of the happy pills that Ducky left. Do you need me to go there?
-I'm not quite sure that my legs would be able to carry me upstairs.
Tony was stunned to hear him so clearly ask for help and he didn't know if he could feel glad that he trusted him enough to ask or worried that he felt so bad that he couldn't walk to his bedroom. Gibbs seemed to read his mind.
-I'll be fine, Tony. I swear but I'm not for now. To be honest my ribs and back hurt like hell and I'm far beyond exhaustion. And you can't blame me for taking advantage of the situation.
-You're sure? Promise me you would tell me if you felt that something was wrong. He hit you pretty hard...
-I know Tony but Ducky checked everything and even if it's painful there no threat for my health.
-So, you just want me close to you?
-Always, Tony.
Tony looked him straight in the eyes and couldn't hold back the tears at the love he could read in those blue eyes.
-Don't cry, Tony. I need you and even if I am not able to tell you how much I care for you, be sure that I want you by my side.
Gibbs wiped away the tears on Tony's cheek and let his hand linger on his friend's skin. Tony closed his eyes to savour this moment. It was the first intimate touch that Gibbs allowed himself to do. He sighed and took Gibbs' hand.
-I can't believe that I'm really living this moment here with you.
-It seems surreal to me too but I'm here Tony.
They walked to the bedroom and after having put Gibbs in bed, Tony went and searched for the pills which would allow Gibbs to sleep without feeling the pain. When he reentered the room he saw that Gibbs had allen asleep. The older man didn't even take time to get rid of his clothes and was lying across his bed an arm on his eyes. Tony sat on the bed and put an hand on his arm.
-Jethro, wake up! You can't sleep like that.
Gibbs opened his eyes visibly not totally aware of who was talking to him.
-Tony? I think that I'm tired.
-It seems so. Let me help you. You've got to get off these clothes.
Gibbs sat on the bed allowing Tony to open the buttons of his shirt. As Gibbs' shirt was thrown away, Tony took a second to check on his bandages.
-You undid them to shower. You should have called me to redo them. They are not tight enough.
-It can wait until tomorrow, Tony. I don't feel like doing it now.
-You would sleep better. It will only take a minute.
-Ok! I surrender, you can be worse than Ducky.
Tony unwrapped him and winced at the look of his chest and back.
-I should have killed him.
-Tony. I may not agree with him but he was right when he said that violence was not the solution.
-How can you say that after what he did to you?
-I saw what revenge could make of honest men and I don't want you to go that way. I wouldn't allow you to corrupt your soul especially for him.
-He hurt you more than you could ever make him pay for.
-Maybe but the only way to make him pay is to be what he ever prevented me of being. He wanted me to be as him, angry and violent but he never succeeded. And today I'm able to show him his own failure.
-What can I do to help you?
-The only thing you have to do is stay with me and teach how to make you happy, Tony. That's all I want to do now.
Tony put a hand on Gibbs'chest.
-I can do that, boss.
He approached him not really sure that Gibbs would accept what he intended to do.
-Tony, I don't know...
-It's just me, Jethro. Noone would get hurt this time. I promise.
Tony's lips brushed Gibbs' and the older man couldn't help the moan that escaped his throat at the slight touch.
-I love you, Jethro and noone would hurt you anymore.
Gibbs' eyes were closed and Tony began to wonder if it had been wise to go this far. He was worried that he may have made a mistake expecting Gibbs to be ready for their first kiss.
-Boss? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...
Gibbs was still no responding.
-Jethro, please talk to me.
As he approached him, Gibbs let his head rest on Tony's shoulder searching for the younger man's comfort.
-Tony, tell me that you really meant what you just said. Tell me I'm not dreaming.
Tony was stunned to hear such insecurity in Gibbs' voice. Tha trauma was real and Tony wanted to make Anderson pay for how fragile and insecure he had made him.
-I love you, Jethro. I've loved you for years even if I didn't realise it earlier. I will tell you everytime you would need to hear it. Never doubt it.
Tony wanted him to feel how much he loved him and he put him in a hug, caressing his back.
-I need to put on this bandage and then you would sleep. I'll stay with you if you want me to.
-I don't want you far from me, Tony never.
Tony carefully bandaged Gibbs'ribs and helped him laying down.
-Let me pamper you for once. I think that noone had ever done that for you.
-I remember my mother coming to my bedroom to see if I was asleep. She used to enter my bedroom and I waited for her pretending I was asleep. She just kissed me and went away.
-May I kiss you, Jethro?
-I would love that Tony.
The contact of Tony's lips on his own made him shiver. He had wanted to be kissed by that man for years and there he was with him.
-Now, you've got to sleep.
Tony began to stand but his arm was grabbed by Gibbs' hand.
-Stay with me.
-You're sure?
-I need you Tony as I never needed anyone.
Tony saw the truth in Gibbs' eyes and couldn't resist any longer.
-Let me find something to sleep on and I will join you.
-In the drawer, you'll find T-shirt that would fit you well.
-Thanks.
Tony disappeared in the bathroom and Gibbs could hear him brush his teeth. He thought that he could get used to having Tony with him. He liked the way they had foud their place together.
Tony returned to the bedroom wearing only a navy blue shirt and a pair of boxers. He layed down on the left side of the bed letting some space between them. Tony was not sure what he was allowed to do.
-Can you hold me in your arms Tony?
-Off course, you don't have to ask for that, Boss. Besides I love cuddling.
-Me too but don't spread the news.
-Why? I'm sure that Kate would be interested by the news.
-I think that she would be more interested in knowing how you discovered it.
-Sure but I'm not ready to share you with anyone else.
Gibbs fell asleep in Tony's arms and in the morning he couldn't remember sleeping so well for years.
The first thing he realised the next morning was that he was alone in his bed. He immediatly opened his eyes searching for Tony. He was about to stand up when the younger man entered the room with a steaming mug of fresh coffee in his hands. Gibbs could help sighing of relief as he saw him there.
-You thought that I had changed my mind seeing you beside me this morning and that I ran away. I can't believe that you still believe everyone has to go away. You are incredible some times, boss.
-I didn't even say a word, Tony.
-There was no need for you to speak. Sometimes your eyes speak better than words. I saw it in your eyes.
-You saw the fear in my eyes? I couldn't help it, Tony. I can't help feeling afraid at the thought that I could lose you.
-For the thousand time, I swear that I won't go anywhere unless you throw me out. Even then I will come back. I will fight for you, Jethro. Don't forget about it. You won't get rid of me so easily.
-I don't want to especially if you go on bringing me coffee in bed.
-Don't get used to it, boss. It won't last forever.
-I thought that you loved me.
Tony went closer and put the mug on the nightstand. He approached Gibbs putting a gentle hand on his chest.
-I love you but next time I want to wake up with you in my arms and stay like this all day long. Just you and me.
Tony's lips were brushing Gibbs' as he was talking. The older man could feel his breath and he surprised himself wanting more, being even closer to him. For the first time it was Gibbs who initiated the kiss. It was soft and gentle but he put all his heart in that kiss and Tony seemed to melt at the contact.
-If you go on like that boss we won' t get out of this bed for the next seven days.
-Is it a promise, Tony?
-It's a wish, Jethro. But it won't be for today. I had a message on my cell from Kate. It seems that we have to go to the office, today. She wasn't very specific but I guess that she will soon call here.
-She should have called me first.
-She may have but I think that we let the phone hung out yesterday. I found out about it this morning.
-Ok, so let's have a coffee before she calls.
As he was saying those words the cell on the nightstand rang.
-She is a mind reader?
Gibbs tried to reach his cell but he winced and sat back on the bed.
-Are you Ok, Jethro?
-Yeah, I only forgot I should move carefully. Answer and let me catch my breath back.
-Are you sure you want me to answer your phone. She may ask why I'm here?
-I don't care what she thinks, Tony. We don't have to hide. But if you don't want her to know you just have not to answer.
Tony grabbed the cell smiling at the thought of Kate at her desk and the look that would appear on her face when she would hear his voice.
-Boss, it's Kate.
-I love when you call me Boss, Kate.
-Tony why are you answering Gibbs' cell?
-Well, to tell the truth we spent the night together and as he is still at his first coffee I guessed it should better for you if it was me instead of him.
-You spent the night with Gibbs?
-Yeah, and I can tell you that he doesn't sleep with his gun.
-God, I don't know why I listen to you.
-Because you love me, I guess.
-Shut up and let me talk to Gibbs!
-I will see if he is out of the shower.
-Tony! let me talk to him, now!
Tony looked at Gibbs and was pleased to see him smile at the joke he had made to their team mate. Kate had always been very conservative. She believed in family, god and what goes with it. Tony was always happy to piss her off. For once Gibbs was willing to play that game with him.
-Jethro, it's Kate and she wants to talk to you. Can I say to her that you are on medical leave?
Tony knew that she wouldn't have called if it hadn't been urgent but he couldn't help reminding her that Gibbs was not in good health and didn't need to work for a while.
-What's up, Kate?
-Hi, Boss. Sorry to disturb you on your down time but we have a new case and director Morrow asked for you to come back earlier. Both of you.
-What do we have that you can't handle with Mc Gee?
-It's a bite complicated. The case is simple but the political side of it may make some trouble.
-I see so they call me to play diplomat. I guess that Morrow need more rest than me. Prepare a report, we will be there in an hour.
Gibbs gave the phone back to Tony and began to get prepared. He was obviously in pain but he had a job to do and Tony could see that he would do what he had been asked for.
-We will be there in an hour, Kate. Just the time for a second and a third coffee. Bye, Kate.
-You do like to tease her, don't you?
-I can imagine her gasping at her desk. It was delightful. So what is it all about?
-I don't know but I guess that Morrow wouldn't have called us if he had thought that it would be a piece of cake.
-You talked about diplomat?
-Yeah, it seems that this case has some political implications. I don't like it, Tony. Politics isn't really my cup of tea.
-You don't even like tea.
Gibbs laughed at that remark but he sobbered when he saw the concern look on Tony's face.
-Are you up to this, Jethro? I don't want you to forget about your wellfare once more. There are other Agents who could do the job.
-I know that Tony but I can do this job if you stay with me.
Tony approached and hugged him, holding the man he loved tightly.
-Always, Jethro.
Author's Chapter Notes:
they finally get together thanks to Ducky ...and Ethan.
Chapter End Notes:
I began writing slash fic a year ago and finally decided to submit my first one. I wrote in english but I'm french so please be indulgent with the mistakes I've certainly made. I 'm open to all suggestions and advices ...
thanks for the mail you sent me!
thanks for the mail you sent me!