"Dinozzo, get your ass back here!" Gibbs called after the Agent, but either Tony didn't hear him or of he simply ignored the order, but he kept running after the perp. Gibbs' famous gut warned him about the drug lord being alone and thought it was a set-up, but Tony after being beaten up so badly the last time they encountered the man, wanted to do everything to catch the bastard, no matter what he had to do, or who he had to disobey. ‘But he damn well still had to follow orders,' Gibbs thought furiously.
And his gut was right. Against his better judgement and his growing concern for Tony's well-being, he and Kate ran after the Agent, to find him facing down a barrel of a gun, from one of Johnson's men. Luckily before Gibbs set the pursuit he'd called the back-up, who arrived shortly after they did and waited for orders. They were finally going to catch this guy and when they did, Gibbs was going to kill DiNozzo. Tony was so blind with his own rage; a quality Gibbs had never seen of the other man, that he'd forgotten there even was a substantial amount of back-up in place. And now the whole operation could fall in the water because Tony couldn't obey an order.
Luckily Johnson didn't count on the back-up to be so extensive and had thought his men were smarter and the group was easily overrun. Tony had shot Johnson in the chest and was debating to shoot the wounded men again, to make him feel the pain he felt.
"DiNozzo, don't!" Tony froze, but didn't back down. "Lower your weapon and stand down!" Reluctantly Tony lowered the gun, only to let it be grabbed out of his hand by Gibbs. That caused Tony to snap out of his rage and realise what had happened. He first looked at the gun and then in Gibbs' piercing blue eyes, now filled with anger.
"Get back to the office and write your report." He turned round and helped Kate securing another perp, not giving Tony another glance. Tony dropped his head and headed for the car.
Tony drove back to headquarters and started his report. He tried to focus on what had happened for the case, but his mind kept turning back to Gibbs. Tony knew he'd gone too far. He'd snapped. Disobeyed a direct order that almost lost them the perp and case, all because he was pissed that Johnson got the better of him. Tony had been out of the field for a while, but that didn't justify him going off like that. He'd been hurt worse.
He had been hurt worse. Maybe that's what set him off. When he was a kid, and his dad had found out Tony was never going to be the man his father expected him to be, mostly because of the fact that he'd seen Tony make out with some guy, he completely lost it and used a baseball bat on his child. Tony was in a coma for a week, then rehab for a year. His parents told the hospital and police that Tony was mugged. Tony was too scared to say anything and knew that everyone would believe the well-respected father, who donated tons of money to all kinds of events, instead of the clumsy son, who always fell down stairs and hit his head against cupboards. No one dared to make the connection. Not even Gibbs knew everything.
That incident was the final straw and as soon as the doctor released him out of the hospital, Tony packed his bags and left, wanting to put as much distance between him and his father as humanly possible.
Tony knew Gibbs wasn't only pissed, more like furious because the younger man had disobeyed a direct order from his boss, but because he knew he worried the hell out of his lover. The chances of him sleeping in the same bed as the other man tonight were slim to none.
He had to focus on the report, get it finished so there was at least one positive thing in this whole mess.
Tony was just done with the report and had put it on Gibbs desk when he saw the elevator doors open and Gibbs and Kate walking out. He quickly went back to his desk and started to look busy. He couldn't help but notice Kate giving him glares that rivalled Gibbs'. Guess Gibbs wasn't the only one he worried, which made him feel even guiltier. He always enjoyed pushing Kate's buttons and she his, but they'd never seriously hurt each other. And now he did just that. As much as he hurt Gibbs. Kate, although he'd never ever admit it to her face, was like the sister he always wanted.
He looked up to find Gibbs standing beside her. "Kate, get these samples down to Abby. I want to know exactly what's in that stuff."
"Sure Boss." She marched passed him, but not without giving him one last glare before heading to the elevator.
Tony looked up and was startled to find Gibbs standing right in front of his desk. The look in his eyes caused Tony to want to crawl under his desk.
"Conference room, now." Gibbs didn't yell. Which was bad. An annoyed Gibbs yells and chews you out in front of the others. And angry Gibbs does it in private. And the only warning you have is the low quiet order Tony'd just gotten.
Gibbs didn't wait. He just turned and walked towards the conference room, not checking if Tony was following him. If Tony had the nerve. He did however hold the door open for Tony, closing it silently before following. Staying behind Tony. Tony knew it was a tactic. Gibbs often uses it when he's interrogating a suspect. Tony does it too. That way the other person gets nervous and will easier slip up and reveal valuable Intel.
Tony didn't dare to sit. Not wanting to offend the other man even more. So he did his best to stand at attention focussing on a spot at the other end of the room and keeping his gaze at that. Tony wasn't military, but Gibbs was.
Gibbs positioned himself at Tony's side. Glaring at the other man's face, while Tony did his best not to turn his eyes away from the spot.
When Gibbs finally spoke, his voice was again low and threatening. "You almost cost us the case. The next time you disobey an order like that from me again, you might as well start looking for a new job, because that will be the last thing you do at NCIS. Is that clear?"
Tony couldn't help but think that this must be how it feels to be dressed down by your commanding officer. Still focussing on the spot Tony replied. "Yes Boss."
"Good," Gibbs replied. "You are hereby suspended for two weeks and on half pay for a month." Tony swallowed hard by that. He was just back to work after two months out of commition and now he had to stay home for another two. After a week he'd already be bouncing off the walls, bored out of his mind. And he had a feeling that Gibbs wasn't going to be around to keep him distracted much. He didn't care about the pay. He deserved everything he got, but two weeks off the job were going to be hell. Plus he'd have the time to think of what he did to Gibbs.
"Now, pack your things and go home." Briefly Tony wanted to ask whose home, but didn't want to push it. He turned, walked to his desk, packed his stuff and laptop and was already heading for the elevator when Gibbs came out of the conference room. Tony wanted to say something, but the hurt look he got from Gibbs caused everything to tighten up in his throat. Tony realised what caused Gibbs to stay so long in the conference room after he left.
Tony drove to his apartment, thinking about everything that had happened and mentally kicking himself for it. Why didn't he wait for the back-up? Why did he have to run after that son of a bitch, only to be rescued moments later by Gibbs? Why couldn't he just listen to his boss? And how could he do this to his lover?
He had to try and talk to him. He was prepared to do some serious grovelling if it helped. And there was no time like the present. He turned his car and drove to the house that had been more home than his own apartment for almost a year now.
When he arrived he saw Gibbs wasn't home yet. Tony, as well as Kate, Abby, Ducky and McGee, had a spare key to Gibbs house. They all had keys to each other's houses, just in case something came up. Gibbs used to never lock his house. He said because there was nothing worth stealing in it, but since he'd been with Tony and a lot of Tony's stuff ended up here, like a TV, stereo, dvd-player, he locked the door when no one was home.
Tony walked in, took off his shoes and coat and headed to the kitchen to start some coffee. ‘Best to keep him high on caffeine,' Tony thought.
The coffee was just about done when Tony heard the front door open. He heard Gibbs put his shoes, coat and gun away before heading to the kitchen, obviously following the sent of fresh coffee. Gibbs ignored the other man in the kitchen, filled a mug with coffee and headed back into the living room, where he sat on the couch, grabbing the newspaper from the coffee table.
Tony followed him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry about disobeying your orders and going after the bastard. I'm sorry for letting myself get caught, again." He walked over to the couch stood in front of Gibbs, who was still ignoring him. "And I'm sorry for worrying you like that."
Again no reaction from Gibbs. "Jethro… please say something?"
That got a reaction. Gibbs looked up, with stone cold eyes. "Are you done?"
Stunned by the reaction Tony didn't have time to say anything. "Good. You know where the door is. Good night." Gibbs stood up with the coffee and walked over to the stairs leading down the basement. "Thanks for the coffee."
Tony was still stunned and didn't realise Gibbs had left until he heard the basement door slam shut, hard. Half of him wanted to leave and try again later, but the other half, the one that still listened to his parents cleaning lady, Celia (who was more than a mother than his own), told him to never go to bed angry. So he wasn't going to.
He followed Gibbs down.
He stood still at the bottom of the stairs. Gibbs was concentrating on his boat, or trying to. "DiNozzo, maybe I wasn't being subtle enough." The sound of Gibbs using his last name when they weren't at work stung.
After a few months Gibbs grew out of calling Tony in private DiNozzo. Just like Tony grew out of calling Gibbs Boss or Gibbs when they were alone and used Jethro.
"Jethro, please talk to me." Tony pleaded, involuntarily taking the last step down the stairs. He waned so much to make it up to him.
"I don't want to talk. I just want to be left alone with my boat and so you can go risk your neck, without me there." All right there were getting somewhere.
"I already told you how…"
And then it was out. "Would you stop apologising?"
"Then what else do you want me to do? Tell me and I'll do anything." It was true. Tony would always do anything and everything for Gibbs.
"Then why the hell did you do that to me? Why the hell couldn't you just follow my orders? Why the hell did you have to chase that bastard when you knew we had back-up waiting?"
Tony had asked himself those same questions, over and over again. Why did he? He knew why, but he'd never shared that piece of info with anyone. But if he didn't tell Gibbs now, he might lose him.
Sighing deeply Tony sat down on the stairs. He couldn't look at the other man. "There are some things in my file that aren't true."
"Meaning you lied in your service file?" Some of Gibbs' demanding voice was back.
"No! Not in my service file. In my medical file. And it wasn't me who put it in there. It was my father." Tony still couldn't help but feel ashamed when he talked about his father. Gibbs knew that it was hard for Tony to talk about his father. He also knew there had to be a point to this and he would get his explanation after the story had finished, so he waited and listened.
"When I was almost fifteen, I realised I was more attracted to men than to women. I still liked women, I still do now, but my interest mainly went to men." He paused a second. "My father couldn't live with that. He always wanted me to follow in his footsteps, be the man of the house, a great businessman, and have a family and all that. And his idea of a family was a suburban wife, a suburban husband and lots of suburban children. Not a son who was gay and had absolutely no interest in following in his father's footsteps. He thought he could beat it into me." Again he paused, collecting his thoughts, before continuing. "One day I was out with some friends, actually a friend, a male friend. We liked each other. My father caught us kissing in an allay. He dragged me home and used a baseball bat on me. I was in a coma for a week and rehab for another year. He never once came to see me. Later I found out that he'd tolled the officers and the doctor I was mugged."
"And they believed him?" All of Gibbs' anger was replaced by concern.
Tony now looked at him. "Back then they'd rather believe a well-respected wealthy father than his clumsy son, who always seemed to be falling down stairs or hitting his head. They were all on my father's payroll. The minute I got out of the hospital, I took my bags and left, wanting to put as much distance between me and them as humanly possible."
"And…"
"I've never talked to anyone about this. I've spent most of my life trying to forget it. Guess I wasn't as much over it as I thought." He said wryly. "That bastard, Johnson, the way he was hitting me, it was just like me father used to and it think some deep part of me saw that as a way to get back at him for doing what he did to me."
"Why didn't you tell me this sooner? I would've taken you off the case."
"That's exactly what I didn't want you to do. I wanted to get over this. I needed to."
"And did you?"
"Some. Look, I know I shouldn't have kept this from you and I'm sorry it almost caused you the case. I just…"
Gibbs cut across him. "Tony, this wasn't about the damn case." Tony looked at him questionably. "Yeah, I was pissed you didn't follow my orders as you should have, but that wasn't what made me so mad." Gibbs walked over to him and knelt, so he was eye-level with Tony. "Tony, you mean more to me than any case ever will. And when I saw you running after that guy I just thought: ‘Oh God, he's going to get himself killed' and I could never live with that. I could never live without you. I was just so angry that you didn't even consider what you were doing to me by getting yourself killed. What would I do without you?"
Tony couldn't help but chuckle.
"What's so funny?" Gibbs sounded, if possible, uncertain.
"Nothing. It's just that no one's ever said that to me. I've never had to think of someone else before when I did something" Tony's eyes were gleaming.
"Well I just did. And now you do. So please remember that the next time you want to disobey my orders. I know our job requires us to put our lives on the line everyday, but that doesn't mean we have to go look for it. All right?"
"Ok. You know I really do love you"
"Yeah, I know. I wasn't so sure this afternoon, but I know. And I love you too." He gave Tony a quick kiss on the forehead. Tony knew Gibbs was still upset with what had happened and it would take some time, and maybe a bit of persuasion from Tony's end, to get things back the way they were, but Tony could wait. Neither he nor Gibbs was going anywhere and now Tony knew how deeply Gibbs loved him and that was all that mattered.
Story Notes:
So this is the revised version of the story. I've changed the name. I tried to change Tony's background, but couldn't really come up with something that would fit so well. So ksl, I hope you'll forgive me for leaving that part mostly as it was. I give you all the credit for inspiring me.
also: I don't own any of the characters, I make no money from this, and Tony's background is
Author's Chapter Notes:
There are consequences to disobeying a direct order
Chapter End Notes:
So this is the revised version of the story. I've changed the name. I tried to change Tony's background, but couldn't really come up with something that would fit so well. So ksl, I hope you'll forgive me for leaving that part mostly as it was. I give you all the credit for inspiring me.
also: I don't own any of the characters, I make no money from this, and Tony's background is
also: I don't own any of the characters, I make no money from this, and Tony's background is