Chapter 1.
The watcher.
Tony was at his desk working or more exactly pretending to work. For two weeks, now he was worried…He had accepted this job for a precise reason. He had a task to accomplish and he did not know how to do it now. He had made some choices. He could have done some things differently but he knew Gibbs would not have allowed him to do what he had to do.
Things had turned wrong lately and he knew he would have to change some things and probably have a serious talk with Gibbs. The talk he was scared to have with him. He was not sure the older man was ready to hear what he had to tell him…How could you be ready to hear that kind of news especially when your name is Leroy Jethro Gibbs.
He had called for help. An old friend he had met at the University while he was studying anthropology…Another secret in his life. No one knows about this part of his life and it had been hard to hide it from Gibbs but he had learnt to play and hide whom he really was and why he was here.
So here, he was waiting for his friend, waiting for help. Gibbs was at his desk working on his computer. He was in a bad mood just as he had been for the last ten days. Tony had observed him closely…It was what he was doing for the last two years…And he had noticed alarming changes in his behaviour. It was a sign that something was wrong.
Tony had studied him with the eyes of the specialist he was but it had become more than that over the years. He had understood who this man was and why no one had really been able to understand him. He had some keys the others had not and that is why he was worried today. Looking at him he had realized that the older man was suffering from migraines, sometimes he did not hear him and Tony had seen him where sunglasses for the first time in two years and this day there was not so much light…
He knew something was wrong with Gibbs' senses and the only person who could help him was Blair Sanburg. The only one who knew more about Sentinels than himself. Blair was living in Cascade and for years, he was working with James Ellison the first real sentinel they had found. When they were at the University they had made many researches on the subject, they had travelled far away to try to find a Sentinel.
Tony had met Jim not so long after Blair had moved with him to the loft. This guy was amazing. He was able to hear or see things that were miles away and Blair had helped him developing his abilities. His five senses were the same…and they had solved many cases using Jim's Sentinel's abilities.
Tony had seen them come closer every time he had visited them. He smiled at the thoughts of the day they had announced him they had finally decided to take the next step in their relationship. No one would have guessed seeing them that they could be a couple…No one except their true friends. It had been obvious for Tony from the beginning that it would end like that for different reasons.
Blair was Jim's Guide and a Sentinel and his guide were linked by something hard to describe…They needed each other. Jim would have gone mad if Blair had not been there and Blair would not be able to stay away from Jim for long. It was a part of the relationship between a Guide and a Sentinel. They did not always end up sharing a bed but they needed regular physical contacts.
Tony was interrupted by his cell phone. He had turned it in silent mode to be sure no one would hear it but he saw Gibbs raise his head and look at him. Of course…
It was Blair. They had agreed he would call as soon as he was at Tony's apartment. Blair was a precious friend. He had always been there to help him when he had met Gibbs and found out about who he was.
The younger man stood up and looked at Gibbs who had turned his attention back to his computer. Tony knew Gibbs was not really working. It was already late and they had closed their last case hours ago. Tony had stayed here just to be sure Gibbs would be fine. However, he had to go now and he did not want to let Gibbs alone here knowing the older man would stay at his desk almost all night.
-You should go back home, Boss. There is a boat waiting for you.
Gibbs did not reply and just looked up at him. There was no anger in his eyes and Tony could only see tiredness. He wondered if the older man had taken any rest in the last days. He had to do something soon or Gibbs will not be able to handle this situation. He had thought it would be enough to be here and watch him carefully but he realized he had been wrong. Gibbs needed more now and Tony did not know how to help him.
-You need to take some rest, Gibbs. Do you want me to drive you home?
-I took my car this morning, Tony.
-I could come to your house tomorrow and drive you back here… You seem to be really tired…
Tony winced saying the last words and he was waiting for a harsh reply from Gibbs but nothing came. The older man just stood up taking his jacket.
-I think you are right. I did not have some much sleep lately…If it does not bother you I accept your offer…
-Good, Boss. Let's go!
Gibbs followed him to the elevator. As they stood in it Gibbs' hand brushed Tony's hand and the younger man smiled. Gibbs had always needed to touch him from the beginning but most of the time it was a slap at the back of his head. Tony must admit he preferred that soft contact but he knew it was a way for him to keep in contact.
They walked silently to Tony's car. Gibbs had never been very talkative. He never talked if it was not needed but lately he had become even quieter and he couldn't stand when there was too much noise around him. So, Tony didn't turn on the radio.
Gibbs seemed to be lost in his thoughts during the travel but Tony knew it was something else. He had witnessed him doing that sometimes when he needed to gather his strength. Tony would have to ask Blair about that.
As they arrived in front of Gibbs house Tony turned off the ignition and looked at the man next to him. Gibbs seemed to be oblivion to the world as if he had found refuge somewhere in himself. Tony knew how to bring him back. He put a hand on Gibbs' arm.
-Boss, you are home. You can come back now.
Gibbs blinked several times as if he was just waking up from a long nap.
-Thanks, Tony. See you tomorrow.
Gibbs was about to get out of the car when Tony asked him a question he probably asked him a hundredth time every day.
-You are sure you are ok, Boss?
And he received always the same answer at this question.
-I'm' fine Tony.
Tony didn't know why but he couldn't believe him. Gibbs was not fine but he would do anything to help him. Tony knew Blair would give him some answers but for that, he had to let Gibbs alone one more time. And as always he couldn't help feeling he should have stayed with him.
He waited until the older man closed his front door and drove back to his apartment. He already missed Gibbs presence next to him. And even if he knew it was not something unusual in such circumstances this need to be near him was beginning to bother him. He parked his car in the street and walked slowly to his door.
When he opened it he found Blair sat on his couch his glasses on his nose and a book in his hands. The true picture of Blair Sanburg. He stayed there looking at his friend who had not even heard him come in. Tony couldn't help smiling at the thought of the long hours they had spent bent over some old books trying to find information about Sentinels in Blair's small bedroom.
Blair finally looked up at him and smiled. That smile had always made Tony's heart melt. Blair was unable to lie or hide anything. Tony smiled back at him. Over the years, Blair had not changed. He was still wearing long curly hair and his eyes were still bright. He had lost the innocence that had put him so many times into troubles. Working for the police could do that sometimes.
Blair had stood up and put his glasses and book on the coffee table.
-Hi, Tony.
-Blair. It's good to see you.
Tony walked to his friend and hugged him. He had visited him and Jim only a month ago but it was always hard for Tony to be away from his friend.
-I guess you still had some work to do. I called you almost an hour ago.
-No but I drove Gibbs home…you know just to be sure he would not stay at his desk all night…
Blair could read the concern on Tony's face. Tony had already told him about some of Gibbs' troubles but he realized it was more than that.
-You should tell me about what happened in the last weeks.
-Did you eat?
-Nope. And you?
-Not yet… What about a pizza?
Blair frowned. Tony knew perfectly well, what Blair was thinking about his eating habits but he also knew it was useless to argue with him.
-As you wish Tony.
Tony came back from the kitchen a moment later with two cups of tea.
-Thanks, Tony.
-My pleasure…
Tony sat next to Blair looking at his steaming tea.
-How is Jim?
-Fine. He told me to say hi and tell you he was waiting for you…
-For what…?
-You don't remember…? You promised to follow him the next time he was going to fish in the mountains.
-Oh! I had wished he would forget about it…
-You don't know him, Tony. He has a very good memory for things like that.
Tony smiled at the thought of James Ellison. The man was a rock…the kind of man you prefer having as a friend. But he had learnt that most of the time it was only a mask Jim was wearing. He had seen the real James Ellison in Blair's eyes. Jim would do anything for Blair and Tony was glad his friend had found someone like him to take care of him and love him. They were great together and even if Tony couldn't help feeling a bit jealous he knew Blair was happy and it was more than enough for him.
They waited for the pizza to be delivered. Blair knew it won't be easy for Tony to talk about what had happened in his and Gibbs' life. Tony had called him the night after his friend death and they had talked for hours. He had tried to comfort him but he knew the wound would take time to heal.
-Tony, I know it's been hard weeks for you and Gibbs and I'm really sorry for your friend.
-Thanks, Blair. Kate didn't deserve dieing like that.
-No one does, Tony.
They stayed silent for a moment. Blair didn't want to push his friend and he knew Tony would talk.
-I'm worried for Gibbs, Blair. I think he lost the little control he had on his senses.
-To be honest I was scared something like would happen some day. It's already amazing that he could have controlled them for so long on his own.
-He is having trouble concentrating. He can't stand the slightest noise, the light…He doesn't drink coffee anymore because the smell of it is too strong.
-You think all his senses are affected.
-Yes. It's more obvious with sight and hearing but taste, touch and smell are also bothering him.
-I have to ask you some questions Tony.
-Sure, if it can help find a solution…
-Tony, you know what you should do first.
-I can't tell him. He would never believe me.
Blair could hear the truth in his friend's voice.
-Ok. But you would probably be obliged to tell him one day…
-Not if I can avoid it.
-Does he touch you?
-Yes, he always touches me but lately it became something else.
-What do you mean?
-I don't know. He used to slapping me at the back on the head but he doesn't do that anymore. It's more light touches when we are side by side. It's more…
-Gentle…?
-Yes and I think that's what bothers me the most. I mean I like when he touches me but it's not Gibbs…I don't know if I make any sense…
-It does make sense Tony. I never met him but I can tell what kind of man he is. I told you it's amazing he had been able to take the control of his senses on his own. When I met Jim he was going nuts…he could not sleep, had lost appetite…
Blair put a hand on Tony's knee.
-Tony, you helped him being there for him and he sensed he could trust you. But you know he needs more than that. He isn't aware of his abilities. He had learnt to live with them, to bury them sometimes but one day he will be unable to handle his senses and this day he would need a Guide…
-I'm not sure to be able to do that, Blair.
-I'll help you, Tony. And I don't think you have a choice. Gibbs will not be able to go on like that for long. He has to know he is a Sentinel.
-Why now, Blair…?
-I don't know. It has probably something to do with your friend's death…it must have reminded him of some other events. You told me he was a snipper. It's probably during that period he developed his senses the most… Maybe some memories had come back to him after your friend had been shot…But I have another theory…
Blair sighed before going on. He was not sure Tony wanted to hear what he had to say.
-You were with him on that roof…?
-Yes. Kate was between the two of us…We were joking when we heard the shot…
-It could have been you…
Tony looked at Blair with a puzzled look on his face. He didn't understand what Blair was trying to say.
-Let me tell you a story. Almost a year ago another Sentinel came in Cascade. She knew about Jim and I tried to help her…but …Well, let's say it was not the best idea but Jim had gone mad and he had thrown me away from the loft.
-I didn't know. Why didn't you call me?
-I didn't have so much time to react. I was sleeping at the University. She came there, she wanted me to help her and tell her how to develop her senses. I refused and she…
Blair had troubles going on and Tony was worried to see his friend like that. Those events had visibly been hard for him. Tony knew what Jim meant to him but he feared there was something worse behind Blair's hesitation.
-What happened, Blair? What did she do to you?
-She killed me.
-What…?
-Jim found me in the fountain in front of the University. My heart had stopped. I can only tell you what Simon had told me after because Jim refused to talk about it at first.
Tony couldn't believe his friend.
-I don't know how he did that but Jim brought me back to life. It must have been a Sentinel thing but after that the link between us became even stronger…
-Jim told you what happened…?
-I had to force him but yes he told me. He said he had just known what he had to do. He was acting on instinct all the time…
-A Sentinel – Guide thing…?
-That's what I think. But he also said he had felt he would not be able to live if I had died this day. He knew he would have died too. I tried to tell him he would have found a way to go on…probably another Guide. But he refused to listen and he said I was a part of himself and that he needed me to live as he needed his lungs to breathe…
-You think the link is as strong as that between a Sentinel and his Guide…that when one die the other one can't survive him…?
Blair took a moment before answering. He was not sure about it but he had felt it every time Jim had been hurt or in danger. He knew deep inside that he would not be able to live without him. He had never thought about ending his like and it was not like that when he thought about what could happen if Jim died. It was more like an evidence, he will not survive Jim. He could not even imagine a life without, it was physically impossible.
-I think the link is as strong as that, yes. A Sentinel and a Guide are the two sides of the same person, of the same soul. I can't even describe what Jim and I are sharing, Tony. And I think Gibbs felt it on that roof. He realized it could have been you and he couldn't face it.
-You think the problems he is having with his senses are due to that…? But I've never been the goal of the sniper. He was aiming at Kate and Gibbs is well aware of that.
-We are not talking about facts here, Tony. We are talking about feelings…And even if Sentinels are most of the time strong and always in control they are unable to deal with some feelings. They are even more fragile than any of us.
Tony stood up and began pacing around the room. He had to think about what Blair had just said. He could still see Gibbs eyes on him as they both had realized Kate was dead. He had seen the anger, the sadness but there had been something else here. He had not been able to interpret what it was but as he thought about Blair's words…
Gibbs had been scared, but not for himself or for any one else. He remembered how Gibbs had followed him everywhere, looking at him while he was typing his report as if he could not keep his eyes away from him.
-You have to talk to him, Tony and the sooner the better.
-What can happen to him, Blair?
-I don't know, Tony. But from what you told me about his behaviour I can tell you he is not in control anymore. You remember the last time you came in Cascade…?
-Yes, Blair.
Tony remembered clearly, what happened this day. They were in the loft talking lightly when Jim's face had become white. Blair reacted immediately placing a hand on his arm and talking to him. Tony couldn't hear what his friend was saying. Jim had not reacted at first, he was starring at nothing…But Blair had brought him back murmuring soft words to him.
They had found information about that kind of reaction while doing their researches on Sentinels. It was called a zone out. When a sense was overloaded with something, the Sentinel just shut down…Jim had learnt to control them with Blair's help. This time it had been smell of a fire that had caused it. The Guide was the only one who could bring back the Sentinel.
-You think Gibbs could do a zone out…?
-Tony, I think he could be worse than what Jim did when you were at the loft. If his senses are out of control, he will probably react the only way he could and turn off his senses. And if he does that willingly it would be really hard to bring him back.
-But you said the Guide could reach his Sentinel no matter how far he had gone…?
-I know what I said Tony but Gibbs doesn't know you are his Guide…He doesn't even know he is a Sentinel…
-God, what have I done? I thought it would be better if he didn't know and now you are telling it could kill him.
They were interrupted by Tony's cell. It was Gibbs. Tony could feel the fear spreading in his body as he saw the name written on the small screen.
-What's wrong, Boss?
For a moment, he prayed his boss was calling him because they had a new case. He would have preferred hearing him say they were about to go to Alaska. But the only thing he could hear at this end of the line was Gibbs breath. Tony tried to keep the control of his voice and not yell in his phone.
-Boss, talk to me. What's wrong?
His voice was only a whisper but he knew Gibbs could hear him. He waited, hoping Gibbs would answer him but nothing. He didn't hang up. He knew he had to keep talking to him, keep the contact. Blair had understood something was wrong and he was already searching for his and Tony's jacket. Tony took the keys of his car and they both exited the room almost running to Tony's car.
-Jethro, stay with me. I'm coming. I'll be here in five minutes. Talk to me please.
Blair was driving, Tony silently indicating him the road to Gibbs' house. The travel was done fast and Tony ran out of the car even before Blair could stop the car.
For the first time he was glad that Gibbs never locked his front door. He entered the dark house and immediately saw Gibbs laying naked on the floor. The older man was curled in a ball, his eyes closed, he was breathing hard and Tony could see his face distorted with pain…
Blair was standing at the door and he realized the worst had happened when he saw Gibbs in the middle of his living room. The only thing he could hope was that it was not too late…
Story Notes:
This story is a crossover between the Sentinel and NCIS but the story can be understood even if you've never watched The Sentinel.
Author's Chapter Notes:
The relationship between Gibbs and Tony is not really what it seems to be...
Chapter End Notes:
This story is a crossover between the Sentinel and NCIS but the story can be understood even if you've never watched The Sentinel.