Chapter 3.
The dream.
Tony had sent Gibbs back to bed after their talk and was now alone with Blair in the kitchen. He was relieved that Gibbs had taken the news so well. After all, the older man had lived with hyper developed senses all his life and he had been able to gain a kind of control on them alone. He could have told him he didn't need him.
But Tony was also aware that there was more than need between them. He had felt the link and even if he didn't really know what this link was made of he knew they wouldn't be able to live apart now. Tony was interrupted by Blair's comments. His friend had stayed with them and Tony was glad he was here. They would need his expertise.
-Tony, you're still with me?
-Sorry, Blair.
-There's no need to be sorry, Tony. I think things would go well now. Gibbs seems to have understood your role and his…
Tony smiled at his friend. He had never doubted Gibbs would understand.
-He is a smart man and I'm sure he had realized that there was something special with his senses.
-Yes, and I'm sure he had also realized there was something special between the two of you. Believe me; it was not so easy with Jim at the beginning. The only thing he wanted to do was pushing me away.
-It's not won yet, Blair. It will take time for him to accept me being his Guide. Gibbs is not the kind of man who could accept orders or advices from someone else…especially me.
Blair stayed silent thinking about Tony had just said. He knew his friend was right. He had only seen Gibbs for some minutes but he had felt that it would be difficult for them to build a stable relationship.
Gibbs had never felt so tired and he had fallen asleep as soon as his head had touched the pillow. But he had not found peace in his dreams. He was running after something or probably someone, there was sand everywhere around him, it was hard to breathe but he had to keep running. He had to find him; to be sure he was safe. But he could feel deep inside there was something wrong. He was about to loose him, he knew he would be too late this time.
He didn't want to listen to this voice in his head. But he kept hearing those words. It was his fault, he had to protect him and he had failed. He could already feel the loss, the pain. He kept running, falling…He knew it was a dream but it was so real. He could feel the warmth of the sun on his skin, the sand under his hands.
He fell for the hundredth time but he had not enough strength to stand up.
-You should have been here for him. You had to protect him…
This voice again but this time it was so close. He looked up and met his own eyes looking down at him. He was facing himself, an image of himself.
-I tried but …
-He is your Guide, he is your responsibility and you were unable to help him when he needed you. Look what you've done!
The other him pointed his finger to his right and Gibbs looked in that direction. He didn't see anything at first because of the sun. He gathered his strength and stood up walking slowly in the direction of the dark form he could now see…He walked closer even if he could feel the fear growing inside him. He knew what he was about to see but he was surprised to discover a fox lying on the sand…
The animal was breathing hard and Gibbs could see blood coming from a wound on his flank. Gibbs turned to the man who had followed him.
-What does it mean?
-Just keep looking Inti.
-I don't understand…
The man pointed his finger to the now still form on the sand. Gibbs couldn't believe his eyes. The fox became to transform in a human form…God, Gibbs wanted to run away but he couldn't turn his eyes away from the man who was lying dead in front of him. It was not possible, he couldn't be dead. But the pain was real.
-Look what you've done, Inti. You had to protect him, it was your responsibility.
-What happened?
-You know what happened, Inti…
Gibbs wanted to ask more question, to tell that man he had no clue what he was talking about. But he had to go away from here; he had to wake from this dream.
He had to find Tony, to find his Guide and be sure he was safe.
When he opened his eyes, it took him a long moment to realize he was back in his bedroom. He tried to calm down and breathe slowly. When he regained some control on the emotions caused by the dream he concentrated on his hearings.
He could hear noises coming from the kitchen but they were not the sounds he wanted to listen to. Then he found what he was searching for and the relief almost overwhelmed him.
A tear fell down his cheek when he heard Tony's heart beat. He stayed long minutes here, listening to the soft sound of his Guide's heart.
It had just been a dream. Tony was safe, downstairs… but he could still hear the voice in his head. How long could he protect Tony? The voice had said he had failed him. He couldn't afford loosing him and not only because he was his Guide. He had had strong feelings for him from the beginning.
He had to protect him and he was feeling that the only way to do it was to go away from him. He had felt on that roof when Kate had been shot that he wouldn't be able to face Tony's death. He was also aware that staying with him would put him in danger especially now.
He had believed Tony and Blair when they had told him about the Sentinels. He had always felt there was something more behind his abilities. Blair seemed to know what he was talking about. There were many he didn't know about the relationship between a Sentinel and his Guide but he could feel that the first mission of a Sentinel was to protect. He knew he had to protect Tony and he would do anything to avoid seeing him hurt or worse.
Gibbs shivered at the thought of what he had seen in this dream. Was it an illusion or a vision of what would happen? He didn't know but he could let it happen. He stood up and walked down to the kitchen where he found Tony and Blair.
-Have you slept well, Boss?
-Sure, Tony. What time is it?
-Almost 7 a.m. Coffee?
-Thanks.
Gibbs took a sip and looked up at Tony who was smiling at him. He loved that smile and the way it made Tony's eyes shine. It was not the first time he had those kinds of thoughts while observing the younger man but it was different for him. For the first time it felt right to think of Tony this way. It was almost natural and easy. He wanted to touch him, just to feel he was alive.
Tony seemed to know exactly what Gibbs was thinking about and he walked to him, taking the steaming mug from his hands and putting it on the table. Gibbs didn't understand what the younger man was about to do but Tony took his hand and placed it against his chest.
The older man could feel it now, under his palm. The warmth and the strength of life…
Gibbs closed his eyes and felt Tony's hand on his cheek. He had not been able to hold back the tears. Tony didn't say anything and just stayed here in front of Gibbs letting him being comforted by the sound of his heart. When Gibbs opened his eyes Tony was looking at him a reassuring smile on his face.
-It must have been a bad dream?
-How do you know?
-Blair told me it would probably happen. It the way your animal spirit is talking to you. These dreams show you the things you need to know…
-Some kind of warning…
-Sometimes…That was what this one was about?
-I'm not sure I want to talk about it.
-I'm here to help you, Boss. And I can help you know what it really meant. Those dreams can be confusing sometimes.
Gibbs frowned and took his mug, trying to erase the image of Tony lying on the sand…dead.
-Believe me this one was pretty clear.
Tony knew there was no need to insist. Gibbs had decided to keep it for himself for now but he was determined to make him talk later. Blair had watched the exchange between the two men had stayed silent. Gibbs and Jim had definitely much in common.
-Ok, Boss. But I think you should talk about it. The meaning of it might be not so obvious.
-I don't want to talk about it, Tony.
The discussion was finished and Tony knew it would be worse to go on on that subject.
-May I ask a question, Jethro?
Gibbs nodded to the young man.
-In that dream, were there other people or animals?
Gibbs took a deep breath before answering and Blair realized it must have a bad dream for the older man. He seemed to be still shaken by what he had seen.
-There was another me, and a fox…
-Ok. Jim had those kinds of dreams. The other you is a materialization of your conscience and the fox must be…
-Me…?
-Yes, Tony. It must be you…Most of the time a Sentinel and his Guide appear in each other's dreams as animals…
-When I brought you back, Boss you appeared to me as an eagle at first.
-An eagle…?
Tony looked at Gibbs.
-I think it suits you…strong, piercing eyes and elegant at the same time…
Gibbs was still frowning.
-It was a really beautiful eagle…
Tony laughed at the look Gibbs gave him. No one had ever talked about him like that even if Tony was only talking about an image of himself.
Blair was also smiling, happy that the two men were able to talk. But he could also see something in Gibbs' eyes that was disturbing him. He had seen it too often in Jim's eyes. He could see that the Sentinel in him had taken the control. Blair could see that Gibbs had accepted his abilities and the responsibilities that went with it. But what disturbed him was the way Gibbs was looking at Tony. Jim had had the same look on his face the day he had thrown him out of the loft. The same determination, sadness and loss he could now read in Gibbs' eyes. He could only hope Gibbs was not about to do the same mistake.
The day at work had been slow and boring to Tony's opinion but it was already dark when Gibbs looked up from the file he was reading. He didn't know what Tony had planned for the night but he was sure that he and Blair had a lot to talk about. The younger man was still at his desk as if he was waiting for Gibbs to go.
Gibbs had had time to think about what he had to do and he had made his decision. Today would be his last as Special Agent Gibbs. He didn't know what he would do or where he would go but he had to avoid putting Tony in danger. He didn't know how he knew that but he was sure that if he stayed here Tony would die and he couldn't let it happen. So he would do the only thing he could and put as much distance between them as he could.
He knew it would probably kill him to cut the link with his Guide but he could only think about Tony. Every time he closed his eyes he could see him lying on the sand dead, he could still feel the pain. He looked up at the younger man in front of him. He had realized some time ago, his feelings for him had changed into something more than friendship. It would break his heart to go away from him but it would always be better than cause his death.
-I think I will head back home if you don't need me here, Boss.
-Sure, Tony.
Gibbs knew it was probably the last time he would see the younger man, his Guide…a part of his soul. Tony hesitated before standing up as if he was feeling something was wrong.
-You're sure everything is fine, Boss?
-Go home, DiNozzo.
Tony smiled reassured by Gibbs' tone. The older man had always known how to end a discussion. He stood up taking his bag and keys. He turned to Gibbs one last time before walking to the elevator.
-Don't stay here too long, Boss. You need to rest after what happened yesterday.
-I'm leaving soon, Tony.
-Good. See you tomorrow.
Gibbs didn't reply and looked back down to the file in front of him but he didn't see the words written on the sheets. He let a deep breath out when he heard the elevator's door close.
He waited for ten more minutes before walking to his car and driving home. He only took some clothes and put them in a bag. He took his keys and walked to his door. After a last look around he exited his house. He didn't know where he would go when he sat in his car but he turned on the ignition and drove to the North.
Tony and Blair had spent the evening searching for information that could be useful to help Gibbs. They had not found anything and they were now talking lightly sat on the couch. Tony's cell rang.
-DiNozzo.
-Anthony, it's Ducky.
-What's wrong, Ducky?
-Do you know where Jethro is? I tried to call his cell and to his house and he didn't answer. I thought he could be with you.
Tony felt his blood freeze in his veins. He realized for the first time that he already knew something was wrong. He had not been able to tell what this strange feeling meant before now. But he should have known when he had left him tonight.
-Anthony…?
-When I left him he was still reading a report at his desk but he told me he would go home soon. But it was two hours ago.
-I'm sure he is fine. I just had something to ask him but it can wait until tomorrow.
Ducky had felt the worry in Tony's voice and he had tried to reassure him.
-Yes, Ducky. I'm sure he is fine.
-I will see you tomorrow, Anthony.
-Sure, ducky.
Tony hung up and he realized Blair was at his side.
-Something happened to Gibbs?
-I don't know. It was our ME. He tried to call him but Gibbs didn't answer his cell. It's not like him not to answer when Ducky calls him.
-He could have been in the shower or too busy to answer…
Blair could see that Tony didn't believe it could be that.
-Ok, Tony. What's wrong?
-I don't know. I have this feeling since I left him. At first I thought it was like always when I leave him. You know I hate being away from him. But it was something else. I should have stayed with him… I should have known …It must have something to do with the dream he had last night…
Tony was now pacing around the room trying to clear his mind. But he was caught in an emotional turmoil he couldn't control.
-I'm sure he left… He is gone…I can feel it now…
-Tony you must calm down. We are going to check his house.
-He is not here, Blair.
-How do you know?
-He is trying to cut the link, Blair…He is gone.
Blair knew Tony was right. He had felt it when Jim had asked him to leave. He knew what Tony was feeling right now and he could only stay here with him.
Nothing he could have said could have made Tony feel better. His friend had lost his Sentinel and for a Guide it was like loosing a part of yourself. Blair could help blaming Gibbs for what he was doing to his friend but he was aware that it must have been a hard decision to make for him too.
Blair knew they had to find Gibbs soon because the older man wouldn't be able to deal with his senses alone for long. Gibbs had made a suicidal decision going away from Tony.
Tony had sat on his couch his head in his hands. He was unable to think so Blair took the control of the situation and called Jim. He would know what to do and perhaps find Gibbs before the older man lost the control completely. Blair knew he had to find Gibbs or he would loose both of them.
Author's Chapter Notes:
a dream can change a lot of things