Chapter 5.
Lost.
Blair had let Tony sleep this morning. His friend needed to rest. The last days had been really hard for him. They had searched for Gibbs almost every where, sent his picture to every hospitals and police stations around DC. Tony was now exhausted from the lack of sleep, the lack of food and something else that was due to his Sentinel's disappearance. He missed him so much that it began to have consequences on his health.
Blair could help worrying for his friend but he was also worried for Gibbs. They had no news for almost a week and he knew the Sentinel must now have real difficulties to control his senses. Tony had told him he could still feel him but the link was weakening. They had to find him; Blair thought it was only a matter of days before it would be late to bring Gibbs back.
Jim had taken a plane this morning and Blair could not help smiling at thought he would soon see him after a week apart. They had talked on the phone every day but he needed to be close to him. At first this need had afraid him; he had never felt that for someone before. But he had learnt to accept it as a part of himself. They needed each other and even if he had tried at first; he knew now there was no need to fight it.
He saw him immediately. He could feel his presence in the crowd. Sometimes he wondered he had not stolen some of Jim's abilities. They didn't say a word. They didn't need to talk. Jim just took Blair's hand and Blair understood that those days without him had been hard for Jim too. He looked up in Jim's blue eyes and saw the relief in them. They were together again.
They walked to Tony's car. Blair could not wait any longer and kissed Jim as soon as they entered the car.
-Missed me, Chief?
Blair loved when Jim called him Chief. He had used this nickname from the beginning.
-Even more than you think.
-I think I have an idea…
Jim kissed him again.
-I missed you too. It's been the longest week of my life. I think that even if you had not called me I would have flight there…
-My Sentinel was feeling a little lonely…?
-And a little jealous too.
They've already had the conversation thousands of times. Blair had tried to explain that Tony had always been his friend and only his friend, Jim had been sure from the day he had met him that Tony had been more for him.
Jim saw his lover frowned at his words.
-I know I'm stupid, Blair. But I can't help it. It's something I can't control. I love you and I'm scared to loose you…
-There's no need to be scared, Jim. It would kill me if you left me. I will never do anything that could put our relationship at risk.
-I know that deep inside, Chief. But sometimes I let my fears take the control.
-So you still need me as a Guide…Cool.
-Don't ever doubt that, Chief.
The next kiss was more passionate and they both knew where it would lead them if they didn't take back the control of the situation. Blair was the first to break the contact.
-Jim, Tony needs our help. We'll have plenty of time when we've found Gibbs.
-I knew you were the smart one in our couple…
-True, Big Guy…
-Ok, so tell me what happened…if you can talk and drive at the same time…?
-You doubt that… You know I can talk even in my sleep.
-Oh yes! I know that…
Blair told him about the events of the last days while they were driving to Tony's apartment.
-So you think he's gone because he thought he was putting Tony's life at risk if he stayed with him?
-Yes I think it's part of why he's gone…
-The other part being…?
-It's hard to explain but Tony and Jethro are really close…I mean they are a true "couple".
-I'm not sure to understand.
-You know I'm not your true Guide, Jim. We've talked about it.
-Tony is Gibbs' true Guide…And?
-The link between them is stronger and more natural than what we had at first. But there is more than that…I think that they both have feelings for each other and it's probably why Gibbs' fear to loose Tony had become unbearable for him.
-So he decided to leave…isn't it a bit stupid…?
Blair smiled at him. He loved Jim but he was amazed by his ability to forget about his reactions in front of his own fears.
-I don't know if it's stupid Jim but you know better than me that feelings can be scaring at times even for strong guys…
-Message received; Chief…He's gone for almost a week now. Have you checked the hospitals?
-Yes, we sent his picture to the hospitals in and around DC. No news…
-He may have gone further…I mean if he was trying to break the link between him and Tony and may have thought that distance would help…At least that's what I would have done…
Blair remained silent thinking about what Jim had just said. They had not thought about it. They had checked places where Gibbs could have gone, places he knew but they had not thought he could have chosen to put more distance between his Guide and himself.
Blair parked his car in front of Tony's apartment.
-How is Tony?
-Not fine. He is trying to find him any way he can but he is getting weaker every day. It's really hard for him and I don't know how long he would be able to go on like that.
Jim sighed heavily and Blair knew he was thinking of the way he had himself reacted when Alex had put their lives upside down and what he had done to his Guide. Blair put a hand on his arm.
-It was not the same, Jim. You could not have controlled what you felt when Alex entered our lives.
-I hurt you, Blair and I could have lost you…I don't know if I would be able to forgive myself for that…
-I forgave you a long time ago, Jim.
Jim looked back at his Guide reading the truth in his eyes. He took him in his arms and held him tight for a moment.
-I love you, Blair.
-I love you too, Jim.
When they entered the apartment they found Tony sat on the couch, eyes closed. But the younger man was not sleeping. His eyelids were moving as if he was dreaming. Blair walked to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.
-Tony…Come back…Please open your eyes.
For the last days, Tony has spent almost all his time trying to establish some kind of contact with Gibbs. But it was harder and harder for him to come back from those dreams. Blair was afraid they would loose him too one day.
Jim joined them on the couch and tried to talk to Tony who was still far away from them.
-Tony, it's Jim. Listen to me, please. We need you here…You're not going to help Gibbs if you loose yourself too.
Tony slowly opened his eyes looking at his friends.
-Jim…?
-I told you I would be here the day you need me.
-I'm sorry…I was trying to…
-I know what you were trying to do, Tony.
-I can feel him but he is going farther each day…I'm loosing him, Jim.
Jim could hear the pain in Tony's voice. He would have wanted to tell him they would find Gibbs soon but he knew Tony would not have believed him. He took the man in front of him in his arms letting him cry on his shoulder. Tony was exhausted and lost. Jim realized that if they didn't find Gibbs soon, Tony would be unable to live for long.
-I'm here to help you, Tony. We'll do anything we can to find him.
-Thanks, Jim. I'm sorry…I'm acting like a child…But I miss him so much it hurts.
-I know, Tony…Believe me I know…And I can tell you he misses you too.
Tony seemed to be reassured by Jim's words.
-I'm sure Blair told you about what happened.
-Yes he did. And I think there's something we could try…Blair said that you sent Gibbs' picture to hospitals…
-We did but none of them called us.
-Because he is not there…
-What do you mean?
-I think that you were right when you said Gibbs was trying to cut the link between you two. The first thing I would have done if I had been in his case would have been to put as much distance as I could between me and you…
-We checked the airports and he didn't take a plane…
-He could have driven miles away before…
Tony heard the hesitation in Jim's voice and he could not help shivering at what the man in front of him was not saying out loud.
-Before what…?
-Before he looses the control of senses for good…I'm sorry Tony.
-You think it's too late…Please Jim tell me it's not too late…I can still feel him…He is here somewhere.
Tony had stood up, he could not stay still. Jim followed him and tried to calm him down.
-I need him, Jim. I would not be able to go on if I loose him.
Tears were back in Tony's eyes and he seemed to have difficulties to breath.
-I can't live without him.
Jim took him in his arms again but the younger man was fighting him, trying to get rid of him.
-Tony, listen to me. Please you have to calm down.
The words could not reach Tony's mind. He was lost in despair and the pain he was now feeling was almost unbearable. He had tried to hold onto the hope for the last days but he could not hope anymore. He had lost Gibbs…He had lost his Sentinel…his love…He knew Jim was trying to help him but he didn't need help. The only thing he wanted now was to sleep forever and never feel that pain again. He tried to fight but the darkness overwhelmed him and he ended on the floor, Jim arms still holding him.
-Blair, call a doctor!
Blair had already dialed Ducky's number. He had met the ME many times in the last days and he knew they could trust him. He also knew that the older man would be the only one who could help Tony.
Jim carried Tony to his bed and stayed at his side checking his heart beat. His friend had lost consciousness because of exhaustion and because he had realized that he could have already lost the only person that really mattered to him.
Jim knew what it was like to feel helpless but today he wished his senses could help him finding Gibbs. He would have anything to help Tony but there was nothing he could do…nothing more than the usual researches.
Ducky entered the bedroom only five minutes later and walked directly to Tony's side.
-What happened?
-He is exhausted and I think his body decided he had enough.
-Who are you?
Jim smiled at the direct question. He liked the men who don't waste time when there's no need to.
-I'm James Ellison, Blair's partner.
-Nice to meet you, James.
-Please call me Jim.
-Your name is James, isn't it?
-Yes but only my father calls me James and I don't really like it.
-I see…So you came here to help Anthony finding Jethro.
-Yes…Is he ok?
-He will be. As you said he is exhausted and even if I don't know what this situation really means I think that being apart from Jethro doesn't help him.
Jim didn't reply and looked at the man in front of him. The ME was still looking at Tony and Jim could see the concern in his eyes. The older man sensed Jim's eyes on him and turned to face him.
-You have to find Jethro soon, Jim. This young man is weakening more and more every day and I think that Jethro is the only one who could help him.
-I know, Doctor…And Tony is the only one who could help Gibbs.
-It's Ducky for my friends.
-We'll find him, Ducky.
Blair was standing at the door looking at his friends. Jim joined him placing a hand on his cheek. Blair looked up at his lover.
-I don't want to loose him, Jim.
-You're not going to loose him. I won't allow that.
Blair knew it was childish but he needed Jim to take the control of the situation. He was an adult and he had had to face hard situations in his life but he knew he could trust Jim and let him take the lead.
-First we have to call the hospital you didn't already check and see if they admitted someone in the last days.
-Let me find their numbers.
When Ducky came back into the living room, he found the two men on the phone with a long list of numbers in front of them. The ME sat at Blair's side and waited for him to hang up.
-Anything new?
-Not yet, Ducky. But we still have numbers to call.
-You're sure!
Ducky and Blair turned when they heard Jim's voice.
-We'll be here in an hour. Don't let anyone touch him…You heard me…No one and no more meds…
Blair walked to him as soon as he hung up. He was trying to hope but he could not help smiling.
-You've found him…
-Yes, Blair…But it's not good. They admitted him in a psychiatric unit not so far from here.
-God…What happened?
-They said he was violent and that they had to give him sedatives…At first they didn't work but for two days he is calm…
-You're scaring me, Jim…He is "calm"…? I don't like this word.
-I didn't like it either that's why I asked them what they meant…
-And…?
-They said he had spent the last two days starring at the ceiling. He had not said a word or moved since the day they sedated him.
-Oh no…!
They had not heard Tony coming out the bedroom. He was standing in front of his friends as with as a ghost.
-I need to see him…He needs me…I have to bring him back.
-You are not going anywhere before you've taken a good rest and eat something, Anthony.
-You don't understand, Ducky…He is going to die if I don't help him…
-Anthony…
-Tony is right Ducky. He is the only one who could help Gibbs you said it yourself.
The ME took a moment to look at Tony. He realized no one would have been able to keep him away from Gibbs now they knew where he was.
-I'm coming with you.
Jim walked to Tony placing his hands on his shoulders.
-I will drive you there Tony but you have to promise not to rush things. Gibbs is probably gone too far for you to reach him. It will take time…
Tony closed his eyes. He knew Jim was right but for the first time in the last days he had hope. They had found him and he was sure he would be able to bring him back with time and love…
Author's Chapter Notes:
Will they find Gibbs?