Chapter 6.
Together again…
Life was leaving his body but he could feel no pain. He was alone now…at first he had felt someone here in the dark with him but now he was gone. It was better that way…Tony would be safe without him. His body has tried to fight but his mind was strong and now he could feel the strength leaving him.
The only thing he had to do now was to wait…wait for death. It had been easy finally…No…It was a lie…It had not been easy…And it was still not easy. Choosing to die was not an easy choice to make but he knew it was the only solution to avoid Tony's death. The only thing he could do to save him…
He didn't know where he was but the place didn't matter. He was alone in his head, lost for the world…still alive but not for long. It was strange to feel life running through his veins and at the same time know that it would not last for long. Sometimes he could hear a nurse talking; he could feel needles going under his skin.
They were trying to help his body fight but they didn't know against what he had to fight.
He didn't know himself but as he had chosen not to fight he didn't care. The only one who could have helped him was not here. He knew Tony would be sad at first but he would still be alive and that's all he needed to know. He loved this man more than life itself and dying was not a great sacrifice to make if it could spare Tony a painful death.
He didn't know if it was the day or the night outside. His eyes were open but he could not see…he didn't want to see. There was nothing real for him anymore…All his feelings were turned to one goal…saving Tony…keeping him away from him…away from the danger.
Suddenly the pain was back. He had not felt it for the last two days and it had made things easier…Why had they stopped giving him whatever they had given him? God it hurts!
He wanted to scream, to tell them to stop that but his body could not move…he was unable to talk…"Make the pain stop!" His mind was screaming but no one could hear it…no one was here anymore.
The four men were silent in the car. Jim was driving, Blair was at his side.
-Could you drive a little faster Jim?
-Tony, there no need to rush. It's raining. You don't want us to have an accident?
-No, of course, Jim. I'm sorry but I have that feeling…I don't know how to explain it…
Blair turned to face his friend. He knew that feelings had to be taken seriously when it comes to the link between a Sentinel and a Guide.
-What are you feeling, Tony?
-I don't know…Pain I guess…
-What kind of pain?
-It's not like I've been hurt but it's here deep inside it hurts…I mean physically hurts…
Ducky looked at his friend.
-Maybe it's because you didn't eat anything for days, Anthony.
-No, I know it's Gibbs. He is in pain…
-It's probably a good thing.
-I'm not sure to follow you Jim.
-I told them to stop giving him meds. They had sedated him and that's probably why you could not feel him lately.
-But if it helped him with his senses…?
-Tony, the only thing that those meds were doing was making it easier for him to let go. Without the pain he could let his body die. Pain will keep him alive…
Tony took a moment to think. He had to breathe slowly not to let the pain overwhelm him. If Gibbs was feeling the same he had to help him.
-Anthony…? Are you ok?
Tony could not answer; he had to fight to stay conscious.
-Jim, stop the car.
-Blair we are almost there…
-I know but Tony needs help.
Jim stopped the car to let Blair and Ducky change their places.
Blair put a hand on his friend's shoulder and talked to him.
-Tony you remember what you used with Gibbs when he could not control his senses?
Tony nodded weakly.
-You're going to do the same with the pain. Try to dial it down.
Tony was still breathing hard but Blair could see that the technique he had so often used with Jim was working on Tony too.
-Are you feeling better?
-Yes. Thanks Blair.
Blair had abandoned the idea of writing a thesis on Sentinels and Guides but he almost regretted his decision now. What was happening between his friend and Gibbs was amazing. He had sometimes felt when Jim was hurt or ill but it had been nothing compared to what Tony had just experienced.
Tony exited the car as soon as they arrived at the hospital. He knew where to go…He could almost hear Gibbs calling him…He could hear his voice in his mind…It was not sound but feelings, impressions.
Jim took Blair's arm before he could follow his friend.
-Don't leave him, Blair and don't let him touch Gibbs. They would not stand the contact. They are already too close…
-What do you mean?
-I don't know how Gibbs will react when he will feel Tony's presence…His reaction could be violent…
-You think he's going to try to reject him?
-I don't know, Chief. But if it's what happens we could only pray that it will not kill both of them.
Blair ran after Tony who had already entered the hospital and was trying to explain to the nurse why he was here. She didn't seem to understand what Tony was telling her and Blair could see that his friend was about to loose the little he had taken back earlier. Blair arrived at Tony's side and caught him before he fell.
-Tony, try to breathe slowly. Dial it down.
Tony's face was distorted by pain and Blair was afraid that he would be unable to control his mind now he was so close to Gibbs.
-What's happening here?
Jim and Ducky were here and they tried to explain why they were here to the doctor who had come alerted by the nurse. Tony was now breathing slowly. Blair helped him standing up and sitting on the first chair he found.
-How are you feeling, Tony?
-It's hard to keep the control now. I need to see him.
-Where is agent Gibbs?
The doctor looked at them visibly disturbed by their behavior.
-I don't know who you are talking about?
Jim faced him and Blair could see the determination in his eyes. He could only hope that the doctor would be smart enough to know where his own interest stands.
-I called you earlier and you told me you've admitted a man four days ago with no identity…this man is Special Agent Gibbs…a federal Agent…And we need to see him…NOW!
-Room 132.
-Thanks you very much, doctor.
Jim turned back to Blair and Tony who were already on their way to the room the doc had indicated.
-Blair, remember what I told you…Be careful.
-Don't worry Jim.
-You know it won't happen, Chief but I trust you.
Jim and Ducky looked at their friend while they were walking slowly to the room were Gibbs had spent the last days.
-You think they're going to be alright?
-I don't know Ducky. I wish I could tell you yes but it would be a lie…
-Thank you, Jim.
-For what?
-Being honest.
-My pleasure, doctor.
Both friends sat there in silence. Ducky was lost in his thoughts; not sure to understand what was happening here. Jim had not left Blair, following him with his hearing. He trusted his Guide but he could not leave him alone.
Blair knew Jim was listening to him, to them and that he would be here if something happened.
-I love you, Jim.
His voice was only a whisper but he knew Jim had heard him. Tony was oblivion to his friend; his attention was turned to this door in front of him and to the man inside.
He put a hand on the handle and pushed the door open. Gibbs was here on the bed. Tony's heart missed a beat at the sight in front of him. It was not the man he had left only a week ago. His face was tensed, his eyes open looking at the ceiling. He had lost weight and Tony could see fine lines on his face…even if Gibbs could not speak or make a move Tony knew he was in pain…He could read it, feel it.
He walked to the bed, not sure what to do or say. Blair was at his side and he was glad his friend was here.
-What can I do, Blair?
-Just stay here. Let him find you.
Tony looked at Blair trying to find answers but he knew Blair could tell him how to do it. He had to find the way to Gibbs alone.
Tony sat on a chair next to the bed and closed his eyes. He was so tired he could have fallen asleep in that chair.
Blair stayed there looking at his friend. He wished he could have helped him more than that but he didn't know what to do. There was nothing he could do. Gibbs and Tony had to find each other.
-Forgive me, Jethro. I should have been there for you. I should have known you needed me. Show me what to do now, please. Don't leave me.
Tony spent the next two days at Gibbs' side, talking to him, trying to bring him back. But there was still no sign that Gibbs was hearing him. He had not moved and his body was weakening. Tony was not better than him, dark circles had appeared under his eyes, and he was not eating nor sleeping anymore.
Blair, Jim and Ducky had tried to make him leave the small bedroom with no success. They all felt helpless in front of their friends' pain.
Tony had not touched Gibbs fearing to hurt him even more. He had tried to reach him in his dreams but the older man was still hiding himself from him. So he'd stayed there on the same chair for the last forty eight hours. He was aware that he was loosing him and that he could not do anything to avoid that.
Gibbs had chosen to let him die and he had not been able to help him. He had failed his Sentinel and worse than that he had failed the man he loved. Because he was now sure there was more than a link between Guide and Sentinel between them. He had felt Gibbs' love every time he had tried to reach him. Gibbs had sacrificed himself because he loved him too much to see him hurt.
He had not said that to Blair or Jim; they didn't need to know. They would have tried to find a solution when there was no solution. At least not the one they would have thought about. Tony knew what he had to do and he suspected that Jim had understood it too. That was probably why he had not left his side for the last two days.
Jim had saved Blair; he had reached him when his Guide was at the doors of death. But the Sentinel knew what he had cost him. Jim knew he had taken the risk to die himself that day. Tony was ready to take that risk and Jim had seen it in his eyes. It was not their choice to make. It was something he had to do alone…and not only for Gibbs. He had to do it for himself too.
He could not have lived without his Sentinel, without the only person he had really loved. If Gibbs was about to die he had to reach him on last time and bring him back or die with him.
Jim had just left the room…even him had to eat or sleep sometimes.
Tony stood up and walked closer to the bed. His hands were shaking when he reached for Gibbs' hand. He didn't know what would happen but it was the only way he could reach him. He took his Sentinel's hand and nothing happened.
Tears were running down his cheeks. He had hoped that something would happen. He had even dreamt that Gibbs would open his eyes and smile at him. How naïve could he be sometimes.
He sat on the edge of the bed looking at the man in front of him.
-I love you, Jethro…
Lying down next to him he let his head rest on Gibbs chest. He breathed slowly letting the darkness overwhelm him. There was no more pain, no more sorrow.
They were together again.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Will they found the way to each other?
Chapter End Notes:
I had to write this part today...Two chapters in one day it's my personnal record.