Chapter 7.
Last dream.
Jim had tried to stay at Tony's side as long as he could but he really needed a shower. Blair was still searching how to help his friends…Jim didn't think that his lover would find a solution in one of his books but they had to try…
It had only taken him half an hour and he was now back at the hospital where they had found Gibbs three days ago. Jim could not imagine what the older man was living. Gibbs had tried to break the link between his Guide and himself and when he had seen it was impossible he had decided to let his body die. He knew that mind was a powerful thing but he could only hope that Gibbs would find his way back to his Guide.
He stayed for a minute in his car thinking of what had happened for him and Blair in the last years. It had not been easy at first to trust Blair. For years, Jim had dealt with his senses alone and he thought he could not risk talking about them. His father had taught him it could be dangerous…that people could think he was nuts. The old man had been so wrong… Those years were over now…He had found his Guide and he had found love at the same time…
Gibbs was a lot like him…Blair would have found a way to explain it. He would have talked about the impossibility for a Sentinel to accept feelings and emotions easily, about that animal instinct that could be a disadvantage when it comes to feelings, about the need to protect the one they love…
He was sure that Tony was in love with his Sentinel and considering the reaction Gibbs had had it was obvious that the older man had strong feelings for his younger agent.
He could not help feeling angry at Gibbs for what he was doing to Tony. The younger man was slowly dying with his Sentinel. Jim knew he would not survive if Gibbs didn't come back to him. He wished he could help them but he didn't know what to do other than being here and wait…He hated feeling so helpless.
When he entered the hospital he felt immediately that something was wrong. He had learnt to recognize Tony's heart beat and when he searched for it without even thinking he could not find him. He should not have let them alone…
He ran upstairs to Gibbs' bedroom. When he opened the door he stopped at the sight of the two men. Tony had rested his head on Gibbs' chest, his eyes were closed. Jim first thought they were both dead but when he concentrated on his hearings he could here the sound of their hearts.
He had been afraid that Tony could try something like that. His friend had only waited for him to go. He could not blame him…He knew that Blair would have done the same….Hell he would have done the same if Blair had been in that bed.
Jim sighed and exited the room. He had to call Blair even if he doubted they could do anything. Tony and Gibbs were together or they will be soon and no one could help them. They could only count on each other. He came back in the bedroom waiting for Blair. He sat on the chair where Tony had spent the last days and looked at the two men. They seemed to be calm, serene and Jim could only wish they would find the strength to come back.
-Where are they?
-I don't know, Jim. But Tony is trying to find him the way you found me when I drowned in that fountain.
-You told him about that.
-No, I think he found out on his own. He needed him, he needed the contact.
-Yes, I can understand that. We were only apart for a week and I could felt the need to be with you, close to you…
-I know, Jim. I felt it too.
-You think they are going to be fine?
-I don't know, Jim. It depends a lot on Gibbs' reaction.
Jim sighed heavily looking at the two men still lost in their world.
Tony didn't know where he was but he was feeling good. He could feel Gibbs' presence even if he could not see him. The link between them was still alive but weak. He had to find him fast or he would have lost him for good.
Nothing around him was real…He could not see or touch things; but he could feel…feel Gibbs' presence, feel his love. He only had to let this love guide him. He only had to find his true love, his only love…
He didn't know for how long he stayed there in the darkness waiting for a sign but he recognized it when he saw a weak light. It could only be him…He tried to walk to this light but he could not move. He wanted to walk to him, to run to him…
-What are you doing here?
This voice…He had hoped for days to hear this voice again. He had found him.
-I am here for you. You have to come back with me.
-I can't do that. You have to let me go.
-I won't…
-You have no other choice…Or…
-Or, what? Talk to me…Why do you want me to let you go?
There was only silence now. Tony wanted to yell at him, to oblige him to answer. He had to understand why Gibbs had made this choice. Why he had decided to leave him and die alone. But he knew Gibbs would not answer his questions because Gibbs was not here. He was not the man he had known anymore…Here…In this dream…In the dream they were sharing there were only Inti and his Guide. He had to talk to his Sentinel and not to his friend.
-I'm your Guide, Inti. You can't ask me to let you go without an explanation…You owe me that…
-You're wrong, Tony. I don't owe you anything.
Ok, he had decided to play it tough. He had prepared himself for this moment for days but he was not sure he would be able to do that now.
-True…So we are going to die here together…
-No…you have to let me, Tony. You can't stay here…Please don't fight me.
Tony could hear the anger in his Sentinel's voice but he could not understand why Gibbs was angry at him.
-You know I can't leave you alone here, Inti. You know deep inside that if you go I would die.
-And if you stay with me you are going to die too. I can't stay and watch you hurt, injured or worse. I can't stand that…
-I don't understand what you are talking about…
The light became brighter and a human form appeared. Tony could now see him…his Sentinel, his friend, his love…He could not hold back his tears.
-God…I missed you so much.
He walked to Gibbs and placed a hand on his arm. He knew he was only dreaming but this dream seemed so real. He could feel the warm skin under his palm…
-Talk to me, Inti. I'm your Guide…I'm here to help you.
Gibbs closed his eyes and when he looked up at Tony his eyes were filled with tears.
-I will only hurt you if I stayed here.
-I will die without you. You can't break the link between us without killing you and me.
-I don't understand.
Tony took a deep breath before going on. He knew he would not have another chance to convince Gibbs.
-We are bounded, Inti. And nothing can break that…Except yourself and at it the expense of your own life…and mine.
-I felt it…I tried to fight against it but it was too hard.
-I know, I felt it too.
-Tony…Let me die…Leave me alone.
-I can't do that…
-Why…?
Tony looked at the man in front of him and smiled at him. His hand cupped Gibbs' cheek wiping the tears away.
-You ask me why…Can't you feel it? Can't you hear my heart?
The younger man waited for Gibbs to reply but he seemed to be lost in Tony's hazel eyes.
-Can't you feel my love, Inti? Can't you feel that nothing could destroy this love?
Gibbs closed his eyes. Tony could not have said what he had heard.
-Listen to my heart, Inti. Listen to the truth it is telling you.
Tony took Gibbs ‘hand and put it on his heart.
-I'm alive, Inti…I'm alive because you are here with me. You are the only one who is keeping me alive. You're the only one I need and want at my side. Can you understand that?
-I can't Tony…I won't risk your life…
Tony was still looking at him. He was loosing him and there was nothing he could do to avoid that. He closed the gap between them and put his lips on Gibbs' lips.
-I love you, Jethro. And if it's what you want I will die with you. Let us be together forever.
Their tongues were now dancing and fighting in a passionate kiss. They were sharing their love, their souls…
When they finally separated, Gibbs looked up at Tony.
-I know what you're trying to do, Tony. But it won't work. I would never risk your life. You mean too much to me.
-You've made your decision…You decided for both of us…?
-I had no choice Tony. I saw what would happen if I stay at your side…if I let you guide me…and I can't risk it.
-You don't understand that I love you and I can't live without you.
-You're going to have a long and happy life, Tony… Now you have to let me…
Gibbs kissed him one last time before pushing him away. Tony felt him go away. He tried to hold onto him to keep him close but the older man was stronger than him and he could only watch him turn his back on him.
-I love you, Tony…
It was the last words he heard from him before he disappeared and darkness overwhelmed him once more.
When Tony opened his eyes he was back in the hospital bedroom. Jim was in front of him a hand on his shoulder.
-Are you ok, Tony?
-I…What…?
Blair sat on the bed beside him.
-Tony, tell us what happened.
But the younger man could not answer; he could not get his eyes off Gibbs. His Sentinel had not followed him. Gibbs' eyes were still closed.
-Oh, God! Jethro, what have you done?
The heart monitor linked to Gibbs' chest began to accelerate. Tony jumped out of the bed looking at his two friends. Jim was already outside the room yelling for someone to come.
-Jethro, please. Come back to me. Don't do that.
Tony could not control his fear now. Gibbs was leaving him. He had lost his fight. He could not let him go.
A squadron of doctors entered the room in a hurry followed by Jim. Tony was pushed in a corner of the room, his eyes still locked on Gibbs. There were many hands on Gibbs' body trying to bring him back to life.
-We are loosing him.
Tony didn't want to hear that. They could not say that…They had to save him. Blair was at his side holding him. He had not realized he had fallen but he would have ended on the floor if Blair had not been here.
His vision was blurred, his head was pounding…He could not loose him or his life didn't mean anything anymore.
-Tony stay with me…Open your eyes.
Jim and Blair were looking at him with concerned eyes.
-Tony, Gibbs needs you…
He could not move or say anything. He could feel life leaving Gibbs' body as if it was his own. He could feel his pain…God, it hurts…
Blair and Jim didn't know what they could do. Doctors were trying to keep Gibbs alive and Tony was curled in a ball on the floor of the room.
Tony was oblivion to the world for a moment. When he opened his eyes the room was silent. He could only hear a long beep ringing in his ears.
-I'm sorry Agent Dinozzo. We did our best but his heart was too weak.
Tony stood up with the help of Blair and Jim. Gibbs could not be dead…he would have felt it deep inside…He walked to the bed slowly.
His heart was beating fast in his chest but he knew what he had to do now. He knew what he had to do now.
-Get out of the room…everyone…
-Tony…
-No, Blair…There's nothing you can do now. Leave me alone with him.
-I'm sorry, Tony but I won't let you alone…Not now.
Tony looked at his friend and smiled sadly. He put a hand on Blair's shoulder.
-I can bring him back…You know I'm the only one who could do that
His eyes were back to Gibbs and he didn't realize Jim had pushed out all the doctors and nurses. His friends were standing at the door looking at him but he was now alone with Gibbs…alone in his head…alone in his heart. He placed his right hand on Gibbs' forehead and his left on his heart. He closed his eyes…
-I love you, Jethro.
Tony's head fell on his lover's chest, his eyes still closed. He was calm and serene. The darkness enveloped him…a welcome darkness…It would not be long now.
Author's Chapter Notes:
It's not the end ...but close.