Chapter 8.
His choice.
Jim and Blair were looking helplessly at their friend while Tony was lying down beside Gibbs. They knew they would not be able to keep from doing what he thought he had to do. It was a risk he wanted to take… a risk he had to take.
Jim could still remember what he had felt when he had found Blair dead in that fountain. He had felt his heart froze in his chest…it had became harder to breathe. He had immediately felt the need to touch Blair, to try something.
His friends had tried to stop him but nothing could have kept him from being with Blair. If he had not been able to bring him back he would have died there, near that fountain.
And today he was back in his nightmare watching his friend trying what he had tried years ago.
He would have liked to help Tony, to tell him it would be like a fight…He would have to fight against his instinct, against Gibbs' will, against his own fears…
Blair could not stay calm on his chair. He knew it would be dangerous for Tony to go that far. He would have to come near death to reach Gibbs' spirit and he was not sure he would want to come back if Gibbs chose not to come back. Blair stood up and began to walk around the room…everything was silent.
Tony knew now where he was, what he had to search. Gibbs was still here, he could feel him but the link was getting weaker. The only thing he was sure about was that he could not fail or it would mean loosing him for good…and loosing himself in the process.
When he saw the light become brighter he knew he had not been wrong…Gibbs' spirit was still alive. He walked to the light feeling his body warming up.
-I knew you would not give up so easily…
-You know me so well, Boss.
Tony could feel more than see Gibbs' smile. He loved that smile. The older man didn't smile a lot but every time Tony had seen it, his heart had beaten faster. This time he knew what this smile meant. He had won the first battle. Gibbs was beginning to open his heart.
-I want you to come back with me.
-It's impossible, Tony. I've already told you I could not risk your life…
-Yes, you told me that but you never told me why you thought that staying with me would put my life in danger.
-I saw you dead in this dream…
Tony had been aware for a moment that this dream was at the origin of the troubles they were in. He could not help blaming himself for not having forced Gibbs to talk about it.
-What have you seen in this dream?
-I saw myself and you…more an image of you…
-Yeah…a fox…You've already told me that. But what happened?
-The other myself told me I was responsible for what had happened to you. That I had caused your death…He said that my mission was to protect you and that I had failed letting you die.
Tony remained silent thinking of what Gibbs had just said. Blair and him had spent hours working on the signification of dreams he had had when Jim and him had begun their relationship. He knew that those dreams could be a warning but most of the time they were only a transcription of fears…He had to make Gibbs talk…
-You are going to tell me what you had seen in that dream and what the ‘other you' had said…
-We were in the desert, the light was bright and the temperature was really high. I could feel the sun on my skin…That's when he appeared in front of him…
Gibbs took a deep breath and Tony frowned as he saw how difficult it seemed for him to talk or breathe.
-He called me Inti…I had not heard this name before but I knew that he was talking to me…I knew it was me…the real me. The man in front of me knew who I was…I mean he knew who I really was and who you were too.
Tony walked to him placing a gentle hand on his arm. He knew it was hard for him to talk about it. This dream had obviously hit him but he needed to know.
-He began to talk to me saying I had failed you…that I had to protect you…I answered I didn't understand what he was talking about and that's when he pointed his finger to a form lying on the sand…
-Take your time, Inti…
Gibbs took a deep breath before going on.
-I saw an animal…I knew it was you even before I could really see him. I walked to you and kneel in the sand…
Tony caught Gibbs before he falls on the ground…He had to bring him back…fast. His voice was only a whisper when he talked.
-There was blood on one of his flank…He was dead…You were dead…I had killed you…I was responsible for your death…I could not stand it.
-I'm here with you…alive. I would only die if you leave me…Don't you see it?
-I was so scared, Tony. I could not let you die. He said I had caused your death…
Tony placed his hands on Gibbs' face. He wanted to see his eyes…He needed him to see the truth in his own eyes.
-You are neither my father nor my protector, Inti. I can take care of myself and I'm sure you know that. What you saw in that dream was only what would happen if you leave me.
-I don't understand.
-This man wanted to warn you…
-I'm aware of that, Tony. That's why I decided to go away…
-You are going to listen to me carefully, Inti. I'm your Guide and over all I'm in love with you. I would never let you leave me…The only thing we have to do now is going back to the reality and find a solution together…
Gibbs shook his head…He could not go back and see Tony die…
-I can't, Tony. I love you too much to put your life in danger.
-But that's what we do for years…What had changed?
-I don't know…I just…
Tony kissed him lightly.
-You are a Sentinel, Inti. You are responsible for the safety of many people. It's a burden too heavy to carry alone. But I'm here to help you. You have to let me do my job. I had been chosen for that role. I'm your Guide, the only one that could help you…the only one you could trust with your senses…
-But this man told me you were dead because of me…
Tony smiled at him. This man was smart, the best agent he had ever worked with but sometimes he could be blind to the obvious.
-Can you answer a simple question?
He didn't wait for Gibbs' answer before going on.
-What have you felt when you realized it was me lying there on the sand?
-I can't even begin to explain what I felt…It was as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest…I could not breathe or think clearly. My life had not sense anymore…The only thing I had to do was die…
Tony's smile had disappeared from his face. He had not been aware of what Gibbs had lived in the last days…
-What do you think I would have felt if it had been you? What do you think I felt when I saw you on that bed?
Tony was still holding him tightly. He could not release his hold…he could not let him go…
-I love you Jethro more than life itself. I would not be able to live without you. I know what I have to do now. If you decide to stay here…I will soon join you.
Tony released him and stood up.
-This dream happened to warn you about what you were about to do…It didn't talk about anything else than what is happening now.
He knelt in front of the man he loved.
-My decision is taken, Inti. I would not live without you. We will soon be together forever…Nothing would come between us…
-Tony, don't leave me…
-You have to make your choice, Inti…Mine is already taken. I will be with you…In life or death…
Tony walked away without turning back to him. It was the hardest thing he had had to do in his life. He didn't know which decision Gibbs would make but he had realized that if his love was not strong enough to bring him back, there was nothing else he could have done.
Tony's eyes were filled with tears when he opened them. He was still in the hospital room. For the second time today he was waking up in this bed hoping that Gibbs had decided to follow him. But once more, when he looked at the man beside him he only saw his closed eyes.
-Jethro, please…
Tony could not control the sobs escaping his throat. He wanted to yell at him, to make him open his eyes.
-Don't leave me Jethro…Don't make me do that…Don't do that to us…
Blair and Jim were at his side trying to push him away from Gibbs' body. He had not brought him back and he was out of control now…crying, screaming.
-You can't go like that…You can't leave me alone…
Jim held Tony tightly almost carrying him on the other side of the room. The pain and sorrow had increased Tony's strength and Jim was almost unable to hold him.
-Tony…! You have to calm down. I'm sorry but Gibbs is dead…You can't do anything to help him now.
-No…! I can't let him go…! I need him…! Can't you see that I will not live without him!
Blair looked at his lover and Jim was amazed to see the calm in his eyes. He had seen this look before. Blair had understood something they had not been aware before.
-Let him go, Jim.
-Blair…?
-Jim…Trust me…
Jim released his hold and Tony almost jumped out of his arms. He ran to the bed and took Gibbs' body in his arms crying freely.
-We will soon be together, Jethro. Nothing will keep us apart…I promise I will soon join you.
Jim walked to Blair talking softly in his ear. He didn't want to disturb Tony.
-Why have told me to let him go?
Blair didn't answer immediately still looking at his friends. He knew it was a little chance but he had to take it…He had to give that chance to them.
-Blair…?
-Just look, Jim. Let their love make a miracle.
Tony was still talking to Gibbs rocking him gently. Tony was calmer now; tears still running down his cheeks.
-I love you so much, Jethro…Love you so much…
Gibbs' head was resting on Tony's shoulder but his face was turned to Jim and Blair. They both almost yelled when they saw Gibbs' eyes move…It could not be possible…
Tony had not seen what his friends had witnessed and he was going on whispering into Gibbs' ears.
-We will soon be together…Nothing can keep us apart, my Love…Nothing…
Gibbs' eyes were now open. Blair had been right; they had been the witnesses of a miracle. This man had been dead and Tony's love had brought him back to life.
-Tony…?
-I'm here my Love…
Jim was amazed to hear Tony's voice. He had thought that the younger had been oblivion to Gibbs' return but he had felt it. He had felt him come back to him. He turned his face to Blair who was smiling and crying at the same time.
-You knew what would happen…?
-I could only hope, Jim. But Tony had to find the strength to bring him back…He had to let his love talk for him and show what he really felt.
Both friends looked back at Tony and Gibbs who were now asleep; exhausted by the events of the last days…No one could have separated them. Their love had been stronger than Gibbs' choice, stronger than their fears…
Blair knew they had still a long way to go but they were now safe and with their help they would be able to build a new life together.
Author's Chapter Notes:
It's always a question of choice