Chapter 16:
After years of being in the Marines, Gibbs had gotten used to waking up without an alarm clock. The sun had just started to rise as he gave himself a moment to adjust to his surroundings. Tony's deep breathing signaled that he was still asleep. Gibbs' mind replayed the events of last night with incredible clarity.
How someone could do that to their own son was beyond him. The fact that no one ever seemed to report the abuse to the authorities was something else all together. Course, with the amount of money Dinozzo, Sr. was, it was entirely possible that he either paid off the right people or said people were too scared to make a report at all. People with money more often than not had power to back them as well.
It was amazing that Tony turned out as well as he did, given the circumstances. He definitely deserved better, and Gibbs hoped he was showing him that. Briefly he wondered why Tony kept so much of himself a secret. Had his father's actions and words made him so cautious about other people?
Another thing that was still bothering Gibbs was about his tendency to switch jobs. He could understand Tony simply being bored. He was, after all, in college at the time. But what about once he became a cop? What were the reasons behind the transfers? Gibbs had contacted each and every one of Tony's old supervisors, and they had all given glowing recommendations. Nothing in his official files gave any hints, either. It was certainly something to think about.
The sun had filtered into the room a bit more by now, and Gibbs got out of bed and stretched. Looking over at Tony, Gibbs thought he looked much younger in sleep, sort of giving off the little-boy impression. Smiling to himself, Gibbs reached out and pulled the cover back over Tony. He started to shift a little in his sleep, so Gibbs ran a hand through his hair in an effort to coax him back to sleep. Tony let out a small sigh and settled back down after a moment.
Still smiling, Gibbs headed off towards the bathroom with a change of cloths and bathroom kit in hand. He decided to let Tony sleep a few more minutes while he showered and got dressed. Then he would wake him up and check-in with Fornell. Gibbs turned the water on, letting it warm up a bit as he dug out his razor. Back in the main room, the water made a jet engine roar as it went running through the pipes.
One main reason that Tony hardly ever talked about his father was because it usually led him to have nightmares. When feeling punishment was called for, his father tended to go to the extreme, leaving more than just physical scars. Tony had slept through the entire night without having any kind of nightmare and it would have been the first time, too, had it not been for the loud rush of water. As the water echoed throughout the room, it triggered a memory, causing Tony to go somewhere in his mind that he definitely did not want to be.
He remembered his father grabbing him by the arm, dragging him down the hallway, towards the basement. At first Tony had been confused, for the basement had been made into a lounge of sorts, with a pool table and an area in the corner stashed his father's favorite brand of drinks. But then his father took him towards the door that led to where the circuit breaker was, along with the water heater and several pipes. The room itself wasn't extremely small, but to an eight-year old, it could become extremely small. Especially when his father locked the door and left him there without any source of light.
Being locked alone in a dark room wasn't anything unusual; Tony had been locked in closets before. In the first few minutes, the only difference had been the fact that here he was sitting on cold concrete instead of a carpet. But then the water started to travel through the pipes to different parts of the house. Tony had later learned through one of the maids that his father had suddenly ordered the lawn sprinklers to be turned on, before going to lounge in the hot tub.
The Dinozzo's owned several acres of land, so the sprinkler system was fairly large. The majority of the water ran through the pipes in the same room that Tony had been locked in. Once the water had been turned on, the noise bounced off the cement walls, making it sound like a jet engine preparing to take off. Adding that to the cold darkness of the room had made Tony panic, for he didn't know what the noise was. There was no way to tell how much time had passed, but eventually the noise died down. But still no one came. He just sat there in the dark on the floor, waiting, hoping that someone would come and take him from this nightmare.
Once he had showered, Gibbs had quickly dressed and brushed his teeth. Toweling his hair dry, he re-packed his kit and gathered up his night cloths. Walking out of the bathroom still warm from his shower, he paused briefly to get used to the cooler air. He picked up his bag from the foot of his bed and quietly put his things away. Then he stood up, getting ready to wake Tony up when he hesitated.
Tony was not how he had left him a half an hour ago. Earlier he had seemed peaceful and extremely relaxed. Now he looked tense, both of his hands in tight fists around the blankets. It looked as though Tony had at some point attempted to curl up into a ball, but the bunk bed simply didn't allow it. His face was slightly damp with sweat, his face rigid as he murmured in his sleep. Tony's breathing was irregular, almost resembling short gasps.
Gibbs immediately recognized that Tony was having some sort of nightmare, and knew he was going to have to be especially careful as he attempted to wake him. People often lashed out at those trying to pull them out of their horror, thinking that they were still dreaming. But Gibbs also knew that he couldn't simply leave Tony as he was, either.
"Tony," Gibbs spoke softly and calmly, hoping that on some sub-conscious level he would identify him before he reached out to touch him. "Tony, wake up. It's ok," Gibbs said again, voice a little louder.
Tony stirred, as if searching for where the voice was coming from, but didn't wake up. Cautiously, Gibbs reached out, gently gripping Tony's shoulder as he spoke again. "Tony, it's just a dream. Come on, Tony."
Gibbs knew that it was unlikely that he would be able to successfully wake Tony without some sort of reaction, so when Tony had started thrashing around, he had been ready. Gently grasping his wrists so that Tony wouldn't injure either one of them, Gibbs spoke a bit louder this time, but no less calmly. "Tony! Relax! It's just me, you need to wake up, it's just a dream!"
At that point Tony opened his eyes, but Gibbs was sure that he was only partially awake, some part of the nightmare still keeping hold of his mind. Although Tony had stopped moving, Gibbs kept a gentle grip on his wrists, in order to give him a physical contact to hopefully ground himself with.
"Tony, you with me?" Gibbs asked quietly.
He blinked a few times before his eyes seemed to focus on Gibbs. Tony appeared to be studying him, trying to remember who it was in front of him.
"Gibbs?" Tony asked questionably, voice sounding out of breath.
Nodding, Gibbs continued to speak quietly. "It's me, Tony. Relax, ok?"
Gibbs watched as Tony's eyes briefly flickered across the room, taking in his surroundings. He returned his gaze to Gibbs after a moment, the only immediately familiar thing around him.
When Gibbs looked into Tony's eyes again, he saw fear. Of what exactly, Gibbs couldn't be sure, but if he had to guess, Tony's father would have been on the top of the list. Pushing thoughts of Tony's father aside for the moment, Gibbs concentrated on trying to pull Tony away from whatever remained of his nightmare.
"Tony, you need to focus. We are at the cabin," Gibbs told Tony, hoping to jog his memory by reminding him of where they were. "It's ok, just relax. I've got your six."
That last statement seemed to do the trick. Tony swallowed, then took a deep breath, then another. Tony blinked a few more times in an attempt to clear away some of the last remnants of his nightmare.
"You with me, Tony?" Gibbs asked after Tony had taken a few more deep breaths.
He gave a shaky nod in reply as he began to move to sit up. Only then did Gibbs let go. As Tony sat up he drew in his legs towards his chest and wrapped his arms around them. Gibbs stepped up the ladder and joined him, letting his legs dangle over the edge of the bed.
"You ok?" Gibbs asked with concern.
Tony gave a shaky laugh as he replied, "I will be. Thanks for uh, waking me up."
Gibbs watched as Tony pulled in a few more unsteady breaths before asking, "Want to tell me what that was all about?" He had worded it so that Tony had the option of telling him or not, and that it was ok if he didn't.
"I don't do that often," Tony confessed. "I…I guess just telling you about…you know…guess it sort of brought up some unpleasant memories."
Gibbs immediately felt guilty as he heard the admission. Maybe if he hadn't pushed then Tony wouldn't have had the nightmare to begin with.
Out of the corner of his eye, Tony noticed Gibbs go tense. Guessing what he was thinking, Tony said, "It wasn't your fault. It's weird, though. What I dreamt about…I mean I usually don't dream about that particular, well, without some sort of trigger."
"Trigger?" Gibbs asked questionably, relieved to see that Tony didn't blame him for stirring up certain memories.
"Usually something triggers my memory of that, and it causes me to sort of re-live it in my sleep," explained Tony, no longer shaking as much as he had when first waking up. "There was nothing at all yesterday that would have caused it to resurface."
Gibbs could tell that it was bothering Tony about what had caused him to dream like he had. Figuring he most likely wanted to avoid having the same dream again, Gibbs offered to help. "You want to tell me about it? Maybe I can help you figure out what caused it to resurface."
Nodding, Tony said, "Yea, ok. It's stupid though, I don't know why it still bothers me so much."
"Nothing you say is stupid, Tony," Gibbs pointed out. "Although it may be pointless for you to compare everything to a movie." That got the intended smile from Tony. It was small, but it seemed to ease some of the tension Tony was still presenting.
"I was eight at the time, and he was mad because I had tracked mud on the carpet," Tony began, and there was no need to explain who he was. "I told him I would clean it up. Didn't matter though, he wanted me out of sight and mind."
Tony paused for a moment, moving to rest his back against the wall and stretch out his legs a bit. Gibbs stayed where he was, in order to give Tony some space.
"When he started dragging me down the hallway, I thought he was going to lock me in a closet again, but then we started going downstairs to the basement," Tony started up again once he was comfortable. "Basement was sort of a lounge area, and there was a door that led to the room with the circuit breakers and a bunch of water pipes were. Locked me in there and didn't turn on the light. I would have turned it on myself, but I was too short to reach it."
Gibbs gave a small snort at that. "Hard to imagine you that short," teasing Tony about his current height.
Tony allowed a small chuckle to escape. "Yea well, believe it or not, at one time I was the shortest kid in my class."
"I don't believe it," Gibbs replied, in an effort to try to keep the atmosphere comfortable for Tony to continue.
"Take a look at some of my old pictures then you will," Tony said. "Anyway, I wasn't exactly afraid of the dark. Being locked in a closet before sort of took care of that. It was colder in there, cement walls and floor ya know? But that wasn't the worst part."
Tony took a few moments to collect himself, before continuing. "It started after a few minutes. It was this really loud noise, guess thing the best thing to compare it to would be a jet engine turned on and you're standing really close to it. In that room, it echoed, making it seem louder than it really was. Had no idea what the hell it was, but it scared the crap out of me."
"I'm not sure how long it went on for, but eventually it stopped. But I was still down there for a while. Afterwards, one of the women who cleaned our house told me that he had ordered the sprinkler systems for the front and back yard to be turned on before he went to use the hot tub. Seems all that water being used at once, running through all those pipes…well I was never locked in there again surprisingly. But at least I knew what it was."
Gibbs sat thoughtfully for a moment before uttering a curse. Inadvertently he had caused Tony's nightmare after all. It was some consolation though, that at least he was able to identify the trigger to his nightmare.
"Gibbs?" Tony asked, noticing how tense he became after he had finished revealing his real-life nightmare.
"I think I may have an idea about what your trigger is," Gibbs began.
"Your kidding," Tony said, sounding surprised.
"I was taking a shower earlier, these cabins hardly seem like they were recently built. It is likely that the water pipes run through here," explained Gibbs.
"Yea, but it would have to be pretty loud for it to have bothered me enough like it did," Tony said, still unsure of Gibbs' explanation. Deciding he needed to check things out to be certain, he hopped off the bed and headed towards the bathroom.
"What are you doing?" Gibbs asked.
"Testing your theory," replied Tony from the bathroom. He reached out and turned the nozzle, starting the shower, and headed back to the main room. Of course, Gibbs had been right. But it still amazed Tony at how loud it actually was.
"Wow," exclaimed Tony as he came back from the bathroom after turning the water off. "No wonder…guess they aren't too worried about people staying in these cabins much."
"The rafting trips are the main draw, I doubt that they make much profit from them," agreed Gibbs.
Leaning against the wall, Tony studied Gibbs. After working for the man as long as he had, he knew far to well how guilty the man could get if a member of his team got hurt in the line of duty. While they weren't exactly in the line of fire at the moment, Gibbs would still feel somewhat responsible; it was just how he was.
"There was no way for you to have known, Gibbs," Tony told him. The look on Gibbs' face still held some guilt, and Tony didn't want that burden on his shoulders. "You're the first person I told about the scars, but…" Tony sighed and took a deep breath. "I've talked to a few other people about him before. Usually after that, it was a guarantee that I would be having bad dreams. If the water system had been decent, I wouldn't have dreamed at all. That's never happened before."
Gibbs studied Tony as he considered his words for a moment. There was no blame, and it was clear that Tony didn't want him feeling the slightest bit guilty.
"Guess those other people weren't much in the way of listeners, then."
"No, not exactly. But that's not the only reason," Tony said. "Talking with them, well, it wasn't exactly the ideal situation either. When I told you about…I was actually able to feel comfortable enough to not have to worry about which parts to leave out or not. I felt…safe."
At that heartfelt confession Gibbs knew for a fact that he had earned Tony's full and complete trust in all manners, something that very few people had done. Knowing that made Gibbs feel a higher sense of honor than he had ever felt before.
"I'll always be there for you, Tony. No matter what," Gibbs promised.
"Yea," Tony nodded. "I've got your six, too."
Nodding, Gibbs moved off of the bed and went to where he had left his phone charging the night before. "You should go get ready. I need to call Fornell for one last check-in before he feels left out."
"You want me to shower first real fast so you can hear him when you call?" asked Tony.
Gibbs thought about it, then grinned. "Nope, go ahead and take your time. It'll drive him nuts trying to figure out what the noise is, give him a good panic attack thinking we are on the river already or something."
Tony snickered as he grabbed his stuff and headed for the bathroom. "You are evil, boss."
"Like he wouldn't do the same to me," Gibbs replied just before Tony shut the door. Once again Gibbs was amazed at how quickly he and Tony had been able to bounce back after a particularly dark conversation. It just went to show him how stable of a relationship they already had. 'And here Fornell and Jen were worried about sending us out here,' Gibbs thought.
Dialing Fornell's number, Gibbs waited. On the third ring the phone was answered and by that time Tony had already started the water. "Fornell."
"Come up with anything on those background checks?" Gibbs asked.
"Gibbs? What the hell is that noise? Where are you?" asked Fornell, seemingly ignoring Gibbs' question for the moment.
"What, your computer die on you or something? Where does it say I'm at?" baited Gibbs, grinning to himself.
"You're in your cabin? Sounds more like your standing next to Niagara Falls," shouted Fornell in an effort to be heard.
"Computers don't lie, or so I've been told. Now, did you get anything from the background checks?" replied Gibbs.
"Nothing came up, but that doesn't mean that someone is taking bribe money to keep quiet. Seriously Gibbs, what the hell is going on over there? Dinozzo's not doing something stupid is he? You can't afford to blow your cover now." Fornell said.
"All you need to know is that he's doing his job," said Gibbs as the water shut off. "At least when I ask him for a report on whatever he was doing I get it the first time I ask. We're heading down for breakfast in a few minutes, then from there I bet we will be getting on the bus to go to our starting point."
"Right," said Fornell, giving in to the fact that whatever he had done, Gibbs had done it to piss him off. "Ziva will be around until you set off. Have fun, don't drown someone after you use up all of your coffee."
"Got a secret stash, Fornell. Lack of coffee is the least of my worries," Gibbs told him before hanging up. By then Tony had finished in the bathroom and was currently re-packing his bag.
"Have fun?" Tony asked with a knowing smirk.
"He thought he was being smart when he told me not to drown someone once my coffee's gone. Told him I had a secret stash," Gibbs replied with a grin. "Other than that he really didn't have much to say."
"Guess he hasn't been keeping updated on everything, or else he would know about Gary and Ray owning a coffee shop," Tony pointed out.
"Its things like that that made me want our own team backing us up," Gibbs said. "Abby, McGee and Ziva know better than to ignore little details like that."
"No argument from me," Tony said as he slung his bag over his shoulder. "Time for breakfast yet?"
Gibbs rolled his eyes. "When are you not hungry? We still have a few minutes, but we can go turn in the keys to the cabin."
"I'm not hungry after I've eaten," Tony replied smartly with a grin on his face.
"Smart ass," Gibbs said as he grabbed his own bag.
"Maybe, but don't deny that you are looking forward to a fresh cup of coffee just as much as I'm looking forward to actually eating something," Tony replied.
"Wouldn't be much point if I did," said Gibbs as they both walked outside and headed towards the building where they first checked in.
"Since when do you not argue just for the fun of it?" questioned Tony.
Gibbs reached out and smacked him across the head. "Since I can do that," Gibbs told him with a grin.
Chapter End Notes:
Since things are going to start picking up action-wise, expect chapters to be longer. On that note, I may not be posting as often as I have with the earlier chapters. It also has to do with the fact that school started this week too lol. But have no fear; I will still be updating regularly. I hope you all continue to read and review. Thanks!