The quiet voices were surrounding him from all sides, drifting over and around and above...soft but oh, so demanding. Not really speaking to him as much as speaking *about* him. To each other. What...what were they saying? Why..why was it so hard to understand them? They were whispering, he knew that much...whispering and murmuring...the sounds forming slowly, only to dissolve and evaporate before being recognized and understood. Why were they speaking so softly? Was there some intimate secret...some reason to keep their words from making any sense? This was all too confusing and, to make matters worse, now they were touching...
No...
"Let's roll him over just a bit that way. Easy now."
No, please...
"Wait a minute...there. Just let me pull this damn hospital gown out of the way. Good."
I said no...
"That's perfect...just like that. Keep him as still as you can."
NO!
They weren't suppose to be touching him like this, turning him so casually, positioning him so...so...so intimately. And the hands...all of them...everywhere...the hands seemingly coming from all directions at once, holding and grasping and pulling...
...and touching. God, so much touching. *Too* much touching. He didn't want or like having these touches, didn't want to be held down like this by these hands, didn't want to keep fighting and fighting to push them away...only to lose again and again. No more losing, no more just laying here and being powerless, no more giving in to the hurt and the shame and the feelings of betrayal. He just wanted to get away from the hands and the groping and the awful, unending, terrible, too thorough touches...
"NO!"
DiNozzo's sudden and very unexpected angry shout of denial...of plain, outraged refusal...took everyone in the room completely by surprise and the questing hands immediately withdrew from contact with his body, palms and fingers hovering anxiously above the weakly thrashing arms and legs, the faces of the people surrounding the bed clouding with a mixture of concern and sympathy and a good measure of tender understanding. They stepped back, away from the mattress and the tormented young patient, save for a lone individual who resolutely remained, his large, capable hands resting on his thighs as he knelt close by, knees barely brushing against his ill agent's closest leg.
Gibbs kept his eyes focused only on DiNozzo but spoke quietly and specifically to the two doctors poised so close, knowing they wanted to return to their intended task of examining the younger man's body for more of those dreaded transmitters. "Just back off for a minute. Let me," he sighed and winced as he watched DiNozzo start to curl into a tight, protective ball, "let me try to get him to calm down."
"Jethro..."
Gibbs could clearly hear the exasperated tone in the softly spoken way his name had been uttered and knew neither Ducky or Wainwright believed anyone was going to be able to have much success in reassuring their visably distraught patient at this point and had just begun discussing the real possibility of resorting to sedation...again...no matter how adverse the idea was to them now. There just had to be another way.
"Duck," Gibbs hissed irritably, eyes slanting in the direction of the older man, his own frustration momentarily bubbling to the surface, "just back the fuck away!" He ran a shaking hand through his short hair and released a hollow sigh, angry at his complete lapse of control. It wasn't like him to speak to his medical examiner like this and he was immediately contrite. "Just...give me a few minutes with him. Please."
Both Ducky and Wainwright silently observed the tired but very determined expression on Gibbs' face. It was evident he was going to try something radical...he'd all but insisted before they started their more thorough examination he thought he'd be able to control the younger man if they would just leave him alone with DiNozzo for a short while. They'd, of course, resisted the suggestion, and now were right where they'd feared they would be: locked in a stalemate and facing the use of more drugs.
Ducky pulled off his glasses and wearily rubbed at his eyes. No one had been sleeping very well of late: the short cat-naps on the flight out from DC, the drive from Carlsbad to Red Bluff, discussing medical logistics and treatments as the hours rolled by, thinking of the possibility of more danger approaching outside the lodge, all was putting too much stress on the too few people here to help. Placing the frames back on his face, he looked into Wainwright's equally fatigued eyes.
"We need to let him try, Roberta."
Wainwright's eyebrows canted downward in open displeasure. "Just what makes you think he'll be able to make any difference, Donald? Agent DiNozzo has been depending on Tobias Fornell's presence and support for days and, now, even he's being rejected."
"I'm not Fornell," Gibbs gritted softly, eyes sweeping to the woman angrily before returning to the figure on the tossed and tumbled-looking bed. "I just need for both of you to move away from here for a short while. Go over there," he gestured off-handedly toward the far side of the large room, close to the doorway, "near Abby and let me try to talk to him by myself."
"Jethro..."
"*Please*, Ducky," Gibbs almost begged but the hard, sharp sound of the request was anything but a submissive plea. No...the cold, blue eyes and the firm set to the strong jaw clearly communicated the expected consent. Gibbs was not going to settle for any form of refusal to this petition...not now.
Wainwright turned briskly away without another word, heading immediately toward the young woman seated by the door, and perched herself easily upon one arm of Abby's comfortable chair. The two females instantly bent their heads close together and began speaking very quietly. Gibbs looked away from them and refocused his attention on his old friend.
"What are you going to do, Jethro?"
There was a slight edge of unease in the medical examiner's tone and Gibbs couldn't stop the small, feral grin from crooking the corners of his mouth. "Hell, Duck, you make it sound like you expect me to hurt him or something."
"Jethro, I think you should realize that no matter what any of us do at this point, I don't believe there is any possible way *not* to bring harm to him," Ducky spoke succinctly and very carefully. "Anthony's body and mind are resisting us every step of the way now and he's trying to hold on to himself as best as he can. His mind is just not able to comprehend all that's happening and, as his body continues to fail, he just goes deeper into himself. It a matter of self-protection."
Gibbs was quiet as he absorbed Ducky's words but kept his eyes solely on DiNozzo's restless body. The flimsy hospital-style wrap they'd placed on him in a half-measure of modesty was twisted and rucked up around his thin waist, the healing bruises and abrasions from his recent escape through the woods near Victoria Sebastian's ranch still very evident on the too-pale flesh. The periodic trembling was returning, as were the horrible moments of the strange, muscle-clenching spasms, and it was all too easy to see DiNozzo had, once again, wrapped his arms in an almost-protective embrace around his mid-section. There had to be pain there again, too. Gibbs was very worried.
"I just don't understand," he whispered in a half-baffled hush and reached to place a hand lightly upon DiNozzo's nearest ankle, feeling a slight twitch under his fingers when he made contact. "He seemed so much better when he was at Doctor Sebastian's. Ziva says he started weakening during their trek from there to Farmington and then, well, just kept going downhill...fast." Gibbs hesitated and pulled the soft sheet from where it had been kicked away during the earlier struggles and drew it cautiously back up and over the clenched and tucked body. "I thought he was getting better."
Ducky nodded and laid a comforting hand on Gibbs' shoulder. "We've talked about this before, Jethro. We just don't know what's happening within his bodily systems or what Doctor Martinez did to..."
"Duck," Gibbs' voice was hard and unyeilding as he interrupted abruptly, "do me a favor."
"Of course," the medical examiner had no problem recognizing the icy tone and prepared himself accordingly. "What is it?"
"Don't *ever* refer to that fucking madman as a 'doctor' in my presence again. Understand?"
Ducky stood his ground and stared at the back of his friend's head. Sighing deeply but completely comprehending the chilly directive, he carefully let his fingers slip from their position on Gibbs' shoulder and shifted to one side, folding his arms across his chest and tilting his head downward. When he spoke again, his own tone was cool and slightly detached but just as determined.
"I will gladly refrain from using the title, Jethro, but it doesn't change the facts: *he* manipulated Anthony's body, *he* is the one responsible for what we're seeing here, and we may never know how to fix what *he* did, no matter what we do. Now," he lifted his chin, "I'm asking you again: what are you going to do?"
Letting his too-tense shoulders relax and droop just a bit, Gibbs shook his head slightly. "I'm going to try and reason with him, Duck. I'm just going to try and reconnect, man to man, and hope he can remember what we started to mean to each other. If I can do that, I'm hoping I'll be able to convince him to let you do what needs to be done."
"And just what makes you think you can succeed where Tobias failed?"
Gibbs jerked and swiveled his head around just enough to enable himself to nail Ducky with a bitter glare, lips forming a hard, thin line of anger. It was bad enough to hear such a question from Wainwright but he certainly didn't need to have it repeated or to hear it uttered from his old friend. He watched as Ducky brazenly arched an eyebrow, blatantly challenging him to give a logical, reasonable answer to the inquiry.
"Damn you," Gibbs cursed without a hint of remorse and then let his gaze resettle, once again, on DiNozzo. Shaking his head, more to himself than to anyone or anything, and watching as the young man continued to move restlessly and uncomfortably under the thin covering, Gibbs swallowed thickly and reached to touch a tremoring arm, keeping the touch a slight as possible. Ducky deserved an answer...of some kind...but these were things Gibbs had a difficult time just thinking about, much less actually trying to explain. Nevertheless, he gritted his teeth and gave it a go, keeping his eyes trained on his suffering agent. "He got in under my radar, Duck, right from the start. I didn't want him there or need him there and God knows I did everything in my power to deflect his initial approaches. I honestly don't even think he was aware of what he was doing. I berated him professionally and personally, I pushed him harder than any of the other agents I've had under my supervision, and I gave him all the shit assignments and grunt work I could find.
"Despite all that, or maybe because of all that, he just kept coming back, over and over again, a little more brash, and somehow, one day, he was just...there...wedged firmly right under my skin and no matter how much I wanted to believe I didn't want him or need him, I found the thought of *not* having him in my personal life almost unthinkable." He paused and gently rubbed the arm under his fingertips soothingly, trying to get his thoughts back to the task and give the older man a more definitive response. "The thing is, if I can get Tony to remember how things were between us before all this started, when we finally relaxed enough to really begin enjoying each other's compnay and initiated all those things that are important in a growing relationship, maybe I can convince him what you and Roberta have to do is only going to help us all. I," he swallowed and finally turned to look at Ducky again, "I think I can do it...but I need some privacy and some time. Can you let me have those things, Duck?"
The medical examiner nodded and returned his hand to Gibbs' shoulder, giving it a brief but strong squeeze of understanding and acceptance. And, when he spoke, it was filled with a quiet, warm, dignified tone.
"Take all the time you need, Jethro. Just let us know when you think he's ready."
As Ducky moved away to join the women by the doorway, Gibbs took a moment to center himself and inhaled deeply, pushing all thoughts of the others still present in the far area of the room away and focused totally on DiNozzo...only on DiNozzo. He could tune out the quiet whisperings, could ignore the curious looks he knew were being directed his way, and he could even disregard his own growing anxiety but he would never be able to close his eyes to the damaged young man on the bed before him and not do everything he could to bring even a small measure of peace to the injured body and mind.
Shifting slowly and trying to minimize the amount of jostling he was causing, Gibbs stretched out on the mattress directly beside DiNozzo's tightly curled body and placed a warm palm against a wan cheek. He let it rest there, unmoving, just allowing the younger man a chance to get familiar with the feel and to give him the opportunity to recognize there was nothing intrusive about the action...nothing more than just a simple caress. DiNozzo's lids remained closed, the lashes fanning out across the pale skin under both eyes, but Gibbs knew he wasn't asleep...probably just trying to keep the world from invading his protective, little shell and, in his own confused mind, keeping himself safe.
"Tony?" Gibbs whispered, laying his head on the pillow beside DiNozzo's, bringing their faces fairly close together. He could feel the small puffs of expelled air as the younger man panted quietly through his mouth and felt a muscle jump and twitch under his fingers. So, not everything was being successfully ignored. Good. He tried again, speaking calmly, gently, and with as much clarity as he could muster. "Tony, it's me...just me and no one else. I'm just going to lay right here beside you for awhile and keep you company. Okay? I'm not going to touch you anymore than this. Can you feel my hand on your cheek? It's just me, that's all, and I'm going to stay right here beside you. Is that okay?"
Not really expecting any type of verbal response but hoping fervently the closed eyes would open, Gibbs remained as he was and waited, watching intently, looking for some small sign he'd been heard. He could see DiNozzo's arms tighten a bit where they were wrapped protectively around his midsection, so he carefully moved the hand from its resting spot on the side of the young face and gently cupped the cap of the raised shoulder, keeping the touch as non-threatening as possible. DiNozzo pushed the side of his face further into the pillow, eyes squeezing tighter, and released a soft, almost-silent mewl of protest.
"All right, all right," Gibbs hastened quietly, removing the hand and bringing it to lay, plam downward, on the pillowcase between their faces. He huffed out a sigh and searched for something to talk about, his mind automatically rejecting subjects revolving around their present predicament or work, and finally settled on a memory from his past. This would be safe and easy to speak about...as long as the others on the far side of the room respected his privacy. "I don't think I ever told you much about my childhood but laying in bed like this reminds me a lot of something that happened when I was a kid. When I was about ten, I fell out of a tree and broke an arm and one leg. The arm thing was a compound fracture and I was pretty much laid up in bed for a short while. It happened just at the start of summer vacation and, living on a farm, there was always lots of chores to do, especially at that time of the year.
"Anyway, there I was, in bed after getting released from the hospital, feeling sorry for myself and acting like a little bastard," he looked for some response but immediately continued when none was forthcoming, "and my brother decides to take revenge on me for leaving him with double the work. You see, he had to take over all the chores I was usually responsible for, plus get all his completed as well and, believe me, he was not happy about it." Gibbs saw some of the tension leave the trembling body and the long lashes begin to flutter. "I guess you didn't know about my brother, did you, Tony? No reason for you to have heard anything about him, I suppose, since he passed away long before you ever came to work for me. He was a couple years older than me and had the darkest hair I've ever seen on anyone. Black. Not even dark brown but true, honest to God, Native American-looking black hair. You know, the kind that almost looks deep blue in some light? Well, that's what he had. I can remember Dad teasing my mother about my brother's true parentage because no one in the family had hair like his. I knew he never really meant anything by it...it was just his way of getting a rise out of her. He just liked to see her blush.
"Well, my brother Alvin," one of DiNozzo's eyes cracked open at the mention of the name and Gibbs bit back a slight grin, "would come into my room and get on the bed with me, especially early in the morning when he and Dad had to be out in the fields, and he would wake me up, just because I didn't have to get up and go work with them. His type of payback, I guess. He was never rough or tried to hurt me but he always managed some device that brought me immediately out of sleep. Always.
"One morning he actually dumped a whole tray of ice cubes under the covers on me," both of DiNozzo's eyes were now partially open and looking intently at Gibbs' mouth but the youthful body persisted in remaining tense and wary, "making sure he he'd lifted up the elstic of my pajama bottoms and getting a huge handful of cubes right on my exposed dick in the process." He grinned at the memory and was gladdened when the eyes blinked rapidly and refocused, this time on his own eyes. "Christ, that was one wake-up I'll never forget. You should have seen me scrambling: one arm in a cast, one leg in a cast, and one brother laughing hysterically as I tried to shake the ice out!"
Gibbs continued to smile softly into the dazed eyes and slowly put his hand back one DiNozzo's shoulder, testing for a reaction, and was gratified when there was no obvious jerking away or muffled rejection this time. The young body was beginning to relax a bit, too, gradually uncurling from its tight coil and losing a bit of the tenseness and trembling. Even though there was residual pain reflected in the dulled eyes, DiNozzo seemed to be focusing on Gibbs and his story. The former Marine decide to step it up a notch.
"Alvin was areal live-wire...kind of like you," Gibbs let his hand slip carefully past the slim shoulder and began to rub softly over the small expanse of exposed skin at the top of the taut back. "He really liked to have a good time, no matter where he was or who he was with...and he always had a lot of friends."
DiNozzo's lips parted slightly, as if he wanted to speak, but instead, the drained, green eyes slanted away from the intense blue gaze and the slim body tensed against some unseen hurt. Gibbs edged closer and brought his bigger body near, not yet touching with anything other than his hand but still offering silent warmth and protection. Quickly but with much care, he continued to whisper and soothe.
"My parents knew what he was doing, of course. Hell, neither one of us could ever keep anything we did from them, no matter how much we tried and, believe me, we tried," Gibbs inched his face closer on the pillow, his nose just a hand's span from DiNozzo's. Swallowing thickly and hoping he was doing the right thing, he turned the one-sided conversation in the needed direction. "Tony," he whispered with affection, trying to emphasis the truth of his words, "you *know* I'm not going to hurt you and I only want to make things easier for you." He let the hand on the slim back return to its original position on the pale cheek and waited until the green eyes gradually drifted back his way. "Will you let me help you?"
When the dazed eyes began to slowly track over his face, Gibbs got the distinct impression DiNozzo was searching for something more than the obvious. Holding steady and still, the he let the younger man have all the time he needed to complete the sweep of his features, keeping his eyes focused, seeing the confusion and the fear, but also recognizing the evident need for continued reassurance and support. He swallowed thickly when the tired eyes finally locked on his.
"Tony," he whispered the name like a prayer and watched with aching sorrow as the eyes filled once more with fresh tears. Unable to think of anything better, Gibbs carefully eased both arms around the younger man and pulled the unresisting body close, enfolding DiNozzo in a warm, secure embrace. There was a brief moment of trembling...and then an almost instantaneous wash of complete relaxation, a melting away of the contained tension, and the release of one, final shaky moan.
Gibbs slowly slipped a leg over DiNozzo's and snugged them even tighter, wrapping his bigger arms securely around and holding tight, feeling the grasp of smaller fingers across his back. He smiled into the mop of unruly hair under his mouth and pressed a quick, chaste kiss to the top of the head.
"I need to know you're really with me now, Tony," he managed softly, wanting nothing more than to just hold and comfort his lover but knew he had to press on with discovering if there were any more of those horrendous tags somewhere on the frail body. "Tony, are you with me?"
There was an instant of concern when no response immediately came but Gibbs relaxed as the weak, hesitant voice was finally heard. "Yes..."
Gibbs closed his eyes in relief and quickly sent up a silent prayer of thanks. He eased back a bit in his grip and tried to look into DiNozzo's face again but the younger man seemed determined to stay close, head tucked safely into the haven under the older man's chin, feebly grasping and clinging doggedly to the only sanctuary he could recognize and accept. There was a terribly weak sound of refusal, an awful moan of aching despair, and Gibbs immediately changed his tactic, retightening his hold and waiting until DiNozzo could feel his strength and protection again. This was not going to be easy and looked like it was going to take more time than they really could afford to use, but Gibbs was determined not to allow any fear to factor into their relationship again...ever.
From the corner of one eye, Gibbs cought sight of a flash of movement and turned his head just enough to see that Ducky had moved to the foot of the bed, the kind eyes behind the lenses reflecting his open concern. Knowing he needed to get the younger man into the proper frame of mind for what was about to occur, Gibbs began asking a series of soft questions, hoping to open the lines of communication further and allowing Ducky some sense of his condition.
"Can you tell me how you feel?" He asked quietly, letting one big hand stroke soothingly over the warm skin of DiNozzo's exposed back. He saw Ducky move a step closer and nod his agreement. Yes, this is what they needed to know. "Do you," he hated to ask but forced the words out, "do you hurt anywhere?"
Another tense moment passed and, just as he thought DiNozzo wasn't going to answer, there was a puff of moist, warm breath at the base of his throat. "Yes..."
Gibbs closed his eyes at the sound of the lost, pained tone of the simple reply, and pressed his mouth and nose into the soft hair. He didn't want to hear that DiNozzo was still suffering in some way, that the youthful body was still a cause for further torment, that none of what they'd done so far was helping in any way. Both Ducky and Wainwright had said they didn't believe him to be hurting anymore and, now, by his own word, Gibbs knew it wasn't true. He turned his accusing glare on the medical examiner and saw the older man shaking his head in puzzlement.
"Where do you hurt, Tony?" Gibbs whispered, eyes shifting away from Ducky. "Can you tell me?"
Silence...and a small tightening of the fingers...nothing more. Gibbs tried again.
"Can you tell me where you hurt the most? Tony?"
The head snugged under his chin finally moved minutely from side to side and then was still. "No..." a soft sigh escaped and the fingers relaxed a bit, "just...everywhere."
"Tony," Gibbs began and then was surprised when the younger man continued.
"Please...don't let them..." the higer-pitched voice pleaded, a real note of renewed fear slithering in before fading.
"What?" Gibbs was trying to understand. "Don't let them what?"
"Touch me," the voice gasped and wavered. "Please...don't let them...touch me...again..."
Gibbs cursed silently. This was not good and, as he slanted a look back toward Ducky once more, he easily recognized the disappointment reflected there. He watched as the older man moved silently away and could barely hear the hushed conversation taking place over by the doorway. He knew what both doctors were probably discussing and what they both were going to want to to do but Gibbs was resolute in keeping more drugs from entering DiNozzo's already wracked system. He had to get the younger man to understand.
"Will you let me touch you?" He asked carefully, feeling a moment of tenseness return. This was risky and could easily bring this renewed moment of closeness to an abrupt end.
DiNozzo stirred and moved back only a bit, the green eyes blinking lazily as he tried to focus on the man holding him so close. His dry lips parted and he moistened them with the tip of his tongue before managing to respond.
"Will...will you hurt me?" The bleary eyes were unwavering in their open observation.
Gibbs felt like he's been sucker-punched. After all he'd been through, DiNozzo was still willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was almost too much for Gibbs to fully comprehend. Truthfully, he didn't know if his touches would cause any pain but he damn-well knew he'd never intentionally bring anymore discomfort to DiNozzo if it could be helped. He pulled the weaker body close and held on, hoping he could communicate his true feelings through the embrace.
"God, Tony, I don't know if I will or not," he spoke with roughened emotion. "I would never, *never*, want to bring you anymore pain but...God, I just don't know."
DiNozzo's head was nodding his understanding and his grip loosened. "I trust you..."
Christ.
Gibbs felt the hot sting of tears at the back of his throat. The declaration of trust, right now, was almost too much. He pulled back and eased a hand toward DiNozzo's face, aware of how the green eyes never wavered from his. Gently, he brushed his fingers over the soft hair and worked the pads between the strands, inching slowly over the scalp until he could feel the small, unnatural bump just behind the left ear. There it was...just like he'd been told...and the bile rose unexpectedly into his throat. He forced it back and felt his gut clench as a slight frown appeared on DiNozzo's face.
"Does this hurt?" He asked softly, one fingertip resting on the scarred area near the ear.
DiNozzo blinked slowly and seemed to carefully consider his answer. "No...not really. Just..." the eyes closed and his eyebrows drew downward in concentration, "just...not right."
Gibbs waited until the green gaze was once again back on his face before nodding and offering a small, bleak smile. "You've got that right. This," he gently circled the rise with his fingertip, "is not suppose to be there."
The frown didn't disappear. "What...is it?"
Gibbs didn't even consider lying now, not when he needed to do everything in his power to maintain the precious trust he'd been handed. "McGee seems to think you've been tagged with some kind of micro-transmitter. He thinks it's why you've been followed and located so easily from one place to the next. He thinks," he paused and hardened his resolve, "he thinks you may have more than just this one."
DiNozzo's frown deepened as he fought to comprehend the last statement. One shaking hand rose and worked to move Gibbs' fingers out of the way, searching for the spot. When he found it, any color he had in his face rapidly drained away and the hand retreated, fingers moving to jam up against his trembling mouth.
"Tony?" Gibbs immediately grew concerned.
"Tagged?" The word spilled out from between the dam of the fingers and the bottom lip quavered as horrofying compreshension washed over him. "He...he tagged...me?"
Gibbs didn't have to ask who 'he' was. Just thinking of the man sent a cold rush of ice down his back and he slid his arms back around the smaller body.
"Yes. That's the only explanation we can come up with," he affirmed. "Christ, I'm so sorry, Tony."
DiNozzo's arms immediately snaked as far around the broad back as he could manage and returned the embrace, unknowingly giving as much comfort as he was receiving. He burrowed into the security and clung tight.
"More? There's...more?"
Gibbs gripped tighter. "We think so."
"Take...it out," he rasped, breath hitching, words almost lost and muffled against Gibbs strong chest. "Just...take it out..."
Gibbs could hear the pitch of panic edging into the tone and instantly sought to pacify. "That's the plan. Sshhhh, it's okay, Tony. Ducky and Roberta are going to remove it."
"Just...do it then..." he shifted restlessly again against the bigger body.
"Tony..."
"Where...where're the...others?" Real terror was rapidly beginning to set in.
"Tony, calm down," Gibbs really didn't like this swift descent into terror. "We don't know yet...we'll have to search."
"Oh, God..." the panic ratcheted up a notch.
"Tony, it's going to be all right.," he tried to soothe.
"Please, Gibbs..." the trembling voice was so weak.
Gibbs steadily worked himself loose from DiNozzo's grip and gently pushed, rolling then until the younger amn was on his back and looking worriedly up into the his concerned eyes. The green gaze was awash with emotion: shock and fear and disbelief overwhelming everything else. Gibbs growled at what he saw reflected in the tormented depths, whispering calming, assuring words, not caring who was witnessing the open display of affection now. It was way too late to worry about appearances anyway.
"Tony, listen to me," he placed his face next to DiNozzo's, pressing firmly, cheek to cheek, and willed the younger man to hear and listen. "You're going to be all right. I love you and I'm not about to loose you now, not like this. You hear me? I'm never going to let anyone ever hurt you again."
"You said...you said that...before," came the choking response, tears escaping and tracking over the pale, smooth skin. "You...promised before."
DiNozzo's accusation seared across his flesh and scorched a path clear to his soul and Gibbs moved just enough to cover the condemning mouth with his own, stopping the hurtful words and pressing in deep, pouring his own truth into the joining, willing the younger man to believe. He slicked his tongue past the dryness and delved deeper, hearing the soft, momentary moan of denial, and angled for a more convincing pathway. He breathed into DiNozzo's mouth, sharing his air, his saliva, his heart, and desperately willed the younger man to relent...and to, most of all, believe.
Another moan...but slightly different in tone...and Gibbs gentled their connection, only to instantly feel DiNozzo surge forward, trying to maintain the depth of their union. Hands clutched at his back, the weaker body shifting restlessly again but Gibbs was eager to return the passion he was receiving. So much need, so much want, and so very, very sweet. They were here together, in this strange place, joined only by mouths and hands but connected much deeper than they'd been since their brief time at Victoria Sebastian's ranch.
Hearing a muffled suffling of feet from somewhere near the foot of the bed again, Gibbs slowed the kiss, gentling the pressure, and eased away from the swollen mouth, lips trailing to the corners of DiNozzo's mouth, his chin, and finally up to each salty eyelid, offering his silent benediction of devotion. This was his lover, his partner, his life. He pulled back further and gazed down at the beloved face, watching the eyes flutter open, looking for any signs of continuing disbelief or mistrust.
There was none...and Gibbs heart soared with relief.
DiNozzo's hands fell away from the strong shoulders and he lay boneless, pliant upon the mattress, breath flowing in and out in ragged, little pants. He looked up into the hot, blue eyes and just gave himself over, surrendering himself totally.
"Do what...you have to...do," he whispered and tried to keep his fear in check. "I trust you..."
Gibbs could only nod. Without breaking his gaze with the younger man, the agent spoke softly to the medical examiner standing uncertainly at the end of the bed.
"Tell me what to do, Ducky."
Almost an hour and a half later, Gibbs rested against the headboard and held DiNozzo's exhausted body close, watching as Ducky and Wainwright turned to hand the three small devices they'd located and removed from the young man's body over to Abby. The dark-haired woman stood uncertainly by the door and accepted the tiny, sterile packages, her eyes large and awash with misery for her friends. She'd been in the room as Gibbs had taken charge of examining DiNozzo's frail body, watching as Gibbs had left no area unsearched or untouched, carefully following Ducky's and Roberta's specific instructions. She'd turned away when things had gotten too...personal... but had been unable to tune out the muffled cursing and crying when they found one of the hideous devices inserted in the soft tissue lining just inside DiNozzo's anus. Gibbs had almost come undone at the discovery and DiNozzo had sobbed anew, both men thoroughly deflated by the unbelievable cruelity of Emilio Martinez.
Seeing Gibbs gazing her way now, Abby stepped slowly in his direction, careful to keep her clunky shoes quiet on the hardwood floor, and moved until she was near the foot of the freshly-changed bed. She stood uncertainly for a few moments but, when Gibbs held out a hand, she quickly rushed forward and took his grip into hers, holding tight and pressing her lips tightly together to keep her tears in check.
"Don't ever let him see your pity, Abby," he whispered the order, seeing the sorrow in her gaze, and squeezed her fingers tightly. "He needs your strength and your support and your love, not some useless emotion. He wouldn't appreciate it."
She nodded her understanding and looked at the package in her hand. "As soon as I get the word from McGee, we'll see what we can find out about these."
Gibbs was shaking his head. "No. I want you to go out into the hallway and tell D you need someplace to crush them and I want you to do it now."
"But Gibbs..."
"Abby," he spoke and held still when DiNozzo moved slightly in his arms. He frowned and took a deep breath, remembering to keep his voice low. "Get rid of them now. We can't take any more chances with having them around."
Abby nodded and let her eyes drop to look once again at DiNozzo's peaceful face. "Would you...would you tell Tony I love him?"
"You can tell him yourself later," Gibbs stressed. "Now, go do as I ask."
Nodding once more, Abby turned and moved away, carefully unlocking the door and stepping out. When the door was locked again by Wainwright, Gibbs allowed himself to relax and closed his eyes, fighting hard to block out what he'd done to his lover today...and what the experience ultimately meant for their relationship. This experience would call for some serious, future discussion and would, no doubt, cause problems for their future intimacy issues.
But, right now, Gibbs was content to just hold DiNozzo close and block all those thoughts away. As tired as he was and as drained as the experience had made him, it was only a matter of moments before he, too, was asleep on the bed, oblivious to the gaze Ducky was directing his way.
"Sleep well, my friend," the older man whispered and then let his eyes drop to the younger man, "and sleep without dreaming."
Sighing loudly and moving toward a nearby chair, the medical examiner droppedwearily into the thick padding and settled in to watch over the two slumbering lovers. They'd successfully made it this far...but what would the new day bring? Shaking his head, Ducky tilted his head back against the soft fabric. It was best to leave tomorrow to tomorrow.
TBC
Author's Chapter Notes:
The search for DiNozzo's body tags.