There was only silence and darkness. His state of mind seemed to influence his senses and he didn't even hear anything around him. It had been hours since Fornell had brought him here, and almost the same since he sat in this chair. And about the same time he tried to figure out what he should say. What could explain what he had done? He wasn't even sure if he really should go in there. If there was an "in there". He hadn't talked to anybody yet. He didn't know if his husband was still alive. And his daughter.
He let his head fall back with a soft thud against the wall. His daughter. He hadn't believe he would ever call a girl his daughter again. But yet he knew that the child growing in Tony was nothing else. A new wave of panic hit him as he realized that he could have lost them already. His hands began to shake and sobs escaped his throat as somebody caught him in his arms.
"It's ok, Jethro."
He heard the whisper and for the tinies part of a second his brain made a wrong connection and he thought it was Tony. But then the words were repeated and he recognized the scottish accent and the voice of his old friend.
"Ducky..."
"He's fine, Jethro. He just came out of surgery. The bullet only penetrated his shoulder and he didn't lose too much blood."
"The baby? Is she alright?"
He felt the arms vanish but a hand on his shoulder.
"How do you know it's a girl? No-one knew. Not even Tony."
"I saw her...she was pink...a small pink oval in the red."
The hand on is shoulder moved to his back.
"The baby is fine so far. After all the stress they had to do an Caesarean section but she will be alright."
Gibbs buried his face in his hands.
"I can't go in there, Ducky."
"Oh, you will, Jethro. Even if I have to drag you in there you will explain to Anthony why you left!"
Suddenly Ducky's voice was hard and Gibbs knew better than to argue against it.
Tony's mind slowly came to his body, at least he felt like that. Suddenly he was very aware of the sling around his arm and the cables and tubes around his body. He didn't really feel any pain but he knew that would come later. Though to open his eyes only worked with some effort. He blinked against the light and once his eyes had adjusted he saw him sitting at the bed. Looking straight into the face he hadn't thought he'd see again soon his breath became a little harder. Shades hid the cold blue eyes and some part of him was happy about that. For a few minutes he just lay there and stared at the man who certainly was staring back at him.
"Jeeze, Jethro..."
The other man startled and suddenly Tony wasn't sure he'd been staring back.
"Don't you have anything to say?"
"I didn't know you're awake."
Gibbs' voice was low and slightly raspy. Tony saw a hand reach out for his but he pulled back.
"What? You think you can just come back? You think only because you're here now everything is forgotten?"
The older man slowly shook his head.
"I don't think that."
"And what the hell is it with those glasses?! Can't you take them off?"
Tony saw Gibbs slowly reach for the shades.
"Don't be too shocked."
He took them off and looked at some point near Tony's face. The younger man stared at him in disbelieve.
"What...what are those scars?"
"I had to take an operation. A few months ago."
"For what?"
"So I don't turn blind. Obviously...it didn't work."
Gibbs smiled a sour smile but Tony tried to sit up. Gibbs apparently heard the rustle of the sheets since he put a hand on Tony's shoulder.
"You should rest, Tony."
"What happened?"
"When I got my eyes checked my doctor told me that I was going to be blind. I couldn't tell you. With all the problems we already had...and when you told me you're pregnant...I'm so sorry, Tony. If...if there was anything I could say...or do...I would do everything to make it up to you. To show you that I didn't mean anything of what I said. But I can't...I still love you like I did the day we married. I missed you and the little one...and I already missed our daughter although she wasn't even born..."
"Wait...we have a daughter?"
Tony put his hand unconciously on top of Gibbs', but it felt so right.
"Yeah. They had to take her out but Ducky said she's fine. Ten toes, ten fingers, so I heard."
"How does she look like?"
Gibbs entwined his fingers with Tony's.
"I was hoping you'd tell me that."
Tony looked down at their hands.
"You never wanted me to do the abortion? You want me and our children?"
Gibbs wiped away the tear that escaped his eye.
"Tony..."
"I will tell you what she looks like. Every day I will tell you what you need to see. And if you weren't such a stupid bastard, you'd know that I'd do that for you."
Gibbs smiled shaky and felt himself pulled down by the collar for a soft kiss.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Will there be light in Jethro's life again?
Chapter End Notes:
Quite angsty chapter but not the worst of this fic. So much more to come...