Chapter 4.
Gibbs was not sure to know what to answer to Tony. The younger man had only said those four words as if it could explain what had just happened. Tony had stopped crying and seemed calmer now.
-Maybe we should begin with the beginning. Why have you come back here?
-I needed to protect you.
Tony thought Gibbs would laugh at him hearing him say that but the older man looked at him visibly concerned.
-From what did you want to protect me, Tony?
-Him.
It was beginning to really bother Gibbs not to understand a single word of what Tony was talking about. Ari was dead. Of course, there were many threats for Special Agent but Gibbs could not see who "him" could be. And the younger man didn't seem ready to give him more explanations. If Tony had been a suspect Gibbs would have ask more questions but he was aware that Tony needed time. And after what had happened only an hour ago, Gibbs didn't want to push Tony too far, too fast.
Gibbs stood up and walked to his kitchen. He came back with two steaming cups of coffee. He knew exactly how Tony took his coffee. He put the cup in Tony's hands. The younger man shivered when he felt Gibbs' hands touch his.
-Sorry, Tony.
Tony looked up at Gibbs. The fear and the anger were gone. The only feeling remaining Tony's eyes was sadness. Gibbs would have liked to hold him and tell him that everything was ok. But Tony had made it clear that he would never accept something like that from him. Tony needed a friend and that's exactly what Gibbs would be for him.
-Please, don't be sorry, Boss. I wish I could find the words to tell you how sorry I am. But no matter what I could say…I have no excuses… I hurt you…I just hope that with time you will forgive me.
Gibbs was about to answer something but no words could have explained what he had felt and he didn't want to hurt Tony. He knew that revenge was not something that could give you the peace you need when you've been hurt. And the last thing he wanted was to hurt the man he loved.
-So you came back here because you thought I was in danger?
-I don't know where this feeling came from but I knew I had to find you.
-Does it have something to do with the person you think you killed?
Gibbs realized he had asked the right question when Tony looked away trying to hide once again.
-Tony, I can't help you if you don't talk to me. I need more than two or three words to understand what's happening.
-You can't help me, Boss.
Tony had said those words in a whisper but Gibbs knew it was the truth…at least it was Tony's truth. The younger man was sure Gibbs could not help him.
-You're right, Tony. I can't help you if you don't let me.
Gibbs stood up. He didn't want to leave Tony alone when he needed him but Tony had to ask for his help. The younger man had to realize there was someone here willing to help him.
Tony stood too and walked to the front door.
-I'm sorry, Boss. I should not have come back here. I will see you at the office.
Gibbs knew that if he let Tony go like that they would never talk about what had happened. And Tony would keep everything for himself. Gibbs could not let him flee. Without looking at him Gibbs asked the question he had been about to ask earlier.
-Who have you killed, Tony?
Tony stopped walking but he didn't turn back. Gibbs could hear him breath heavily. He could almost see the fight in Tony's mind. The younger man was searching words to explain something that could not be explained.
-His name was Eric. He was seventeen.
That was better than nothing. But it was not enough for Gibbs to understand why Tony had thought about it.
-When did it happen?
-Twenty years ago.
Gibbs was now confused. He had thought Tony was talking about something that had happened when Tony was a cop. He had made an investigation before hiring but sometimes things could be well hidden.
-But you were only fifteen…?
-It does change anything to what happened.
-You're right. You want to tell me what happened to Eric?
-No…but you won't let me go if I don't give you an explanation…
-You are free to go, Tony.
For the first time today, Tony smiled…a true and warm smile. The younger man walked back to the couch and sit still looking at Gibbs.
-You know what I did when I left this house an hour ago? I walked…I thought I had to go away from you because you were a threat for me… But I was wrong.
-I won't do anything, Tony…
-Can you let me finish, Boss?
It was obviously hard for Tony to say what he was about to say.
-I promise I will try not to interrupt you again, Tony.
-Thanks, Boss. I thought you were a threat for me and that I had to put distance between us before you hurt me. But it was the contrary.
Gibbs didn't want to say anything but he was not sure to understand what Tony really meant. The younger man was confusing him and he didn't like that.
-The contrary…? You left because you thought you were a threat for me.
-Not me…him…I was not aware of who it was and why I felt like that. But I knew something wrong would happen to you if I said here.
Tony story was not very clear but Gibbs was beginning to see today's events under a new light. But he was not sure to see the link with the death of a seventeen year-old boy twenty years ago.
Tony was now quiet and he didn't seem ready to say more about it. Gibbs placed a hand on his shoulder. He was not sure it was the best thing to do now but Tony needed to know he was not alone.
The younger man looked at him and what happened let Gibbs unable to move or say anything. Tony let his head rest on Gibbs' shoulder closing his eyes. Gibbs had dreamt of this moment so many times that he could not believe he was really living it.
Tony was in his arms and even if it was nothing more than a friend comforting another friend; it was much more than Gibbs could have expected only an hour ago. Gibbs closed his eyes savouring the moment. He could feel Tony's breath on his neck. Tony was crying and he tried to push Gibbs away. But the older man didn't let him go.
-You're not alone, Tony.
Tony pushed him harder. It was like he was trying to get free.
-You're wrong, Boss. I've always been alone. And nothing will change that. He wanted to be sure I would never be happy…He wanted to destroy me and he succeeded… He broke the only thing that was pure in my life…
Tony was now sitting on the other side corner of the couch as if he was once again try to put distance between them.
-Who are you talking about, Tony? Talk to me. Let me help you. Who did that to you?
-My father…
-It's him you wanted to protect me from?
Tony didn't answer. He didn't need to. Gibbs didn't know what had happened twenty years ago but he was now sure Tony had not killed Eric. He also knew Tony would not answer any more questions.
He stood up and called director Sheppard. He told her Tony would not come to work today and that he had to stay with him. She had probably a dozen of questions to ask him but she knew better than to do it on the phone. Gibbs knew he would have to give her more explanations but it could wait. Tony needed him and that was the only thing that mattered to him.
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