Sometimes Tim can bring himself to appease his anger. He’s a calm man, always tempered his emotions, always said sorry -even when he doesn’t feel it or he knows it is not his fault- always respectful with everyone. He thinks it’s seriously going on Gibbs’s nerves and that Dinozzo clearly takes advantage of his lack of self esteem. He never really stops to apologize for everything even when it means breaking Gibbs’s rules. Sometimes he really want to Dinozzo to shut up and to do his fucking job or to tell Abs how she can be a horrible friend but he knows better, he had learn better. Even if he wasn’t here often or for a long time, his father always makes sure Tim wouldn’t act bratty, talk bad or make scenes.
McGee knews, he knews, he shouldn’t talk too loud or even think about yelling, he shouldn’t ask for things or help - « If you want something, you have to get it by yourself boy !»- and certainly don’t cry. As a kid that rule always has been the hardest for him, he always has been a sensitive kid and he couldn’t help but cry when his father screamed at him.
Yeah, McGee was the quiet kid and never grew out of it. The anger is somehow worse than the cry. He has learned how to stop the feeling, he even learned how to stop this childish behavior that is crying. He never learned how to stop the anger though.
He wasn’t angry often, he rather self hate and culpability when things start to get bad.
But he can’t help it this time, he knows nothing was his fault but Gibbs keeps finding excuses for Abbs and Tony, and everyone is just keeping threatening him like he wasn’t good enough ! He deals with that without too many issues usually, he knows that his team loves him, they’re family he knows they care about him ( did they ?).
Sarah should’ve known better than messing with him about something that would've cost his career, in front of all his colleagues who happened to be federal agents ! God knows he loves his sister but sometimes she just doesn’t get it. They were siblings, siblings supposed to have each other’s six. They are probably even closer than average siblings if you acknowledge the fact that Tim almost raised her. Although she thought it was a perfect idea to joke about something who gets him bullied by almost everyone at school, who gets him kicked out of the house. It was already a pretty stupid idea but she has to do it in talking about his dead best friend ( DADT has been etched so deeply into his brain that he can’t even call him his first love in his own head…) ! If she had thought about it for more than five seconds she would’ve realized that whether it's new century or not, homophobia was still a problem especially in army and federal agencies and where does Tim work ? In a federal agency who investigated and protected the army ! His boss is a fucking Marin ! What was she thinking ?!
Even after this « accident » McGee had kept his calm, which honestly was a miracle. He gave her a dirty look and thought she got it since she stopped… But no. At the end of the investigation she told another stupid joke when they were alone in the NCIS parking lot.
He didn’t sleep more than four hours in the two last days, his three last meal was noodles or rest of noodles and this investigation has particularly messed with his heart, the murder has taken for target young students who were members of the queer community and for the most part had family members in the navy ( especially bisexual men like him) but if all that wasn’t enough almost every victimes has been found around Sarah’s campus. Maybe it’s the reason he snapped so easily today ? ( Maybe he is just like his father ?)
He doesn’t remember what he did or said but when he finished the only thing he saw was his sister's looks. She looked at him exactly the way he looked at his father as a kid. ( She was afraid of him !?) Her tears rolled down her cheeks and he knew immediately. He knew he had broken something who could never be fixed, their relation wouldn’t ever be the same. He should’ve done something to at least try to fix it but he didn’t know what.
McGee wasn’t a brave kid, he has been brave sometimes when he didn’t have a choice to be ( especially as a teen when it comes to protect a young Sarah or when he was afraid that William would get hurt too much by the other kids at school) but he didn’t kept his bravery growing up so he did the only thing he knew. He runs, he runs the same way he ran away from home, he runs the same way he would run from his room when his nightmares were too much as a kid ( the same way he ran from the hospitals when the doctors announced William’s death).
Yeah sometimes Tim really messes up when he cannot stop the anger, it’s why he try his best to be calm. Cause he always fucked up his relations when he’s angry because he can say as much as he wants that he’s just the one who give him live at the end of the day he really is his father’s son. He may have his mom's eyes, his grandfather's smile and his grandmother's asthma but he definitely has his father's anger and probably his mother's facility with lies.
How he ends up in Gibbs basement, drinking vodka, he’s not totally sure. He remembers coming home half crying and opening the bottle he bought to make sunrise with Abby and Palmer. At a time or another Gibbs appeared and told him to go in his car that they were going home. They didn’t really talk, Gibbs was drinking whiskey, doing his boat and Tim was just sitting on the ground half listening to the tv and drinking his vodka. It was peaceful. McGee falls asleep eventually thinking about how Gibbs would get his boat out and finish by dreaming of Gibbs breaking his wall to take it out and rebuild it. At a point or another of this weird night he decides he would buy Sarah flowers and unlike his father he wouldn’t just go as if nothing happened or say meaningless apologies and he would have a really conversation with her where he would apologize for sure but also put some boundaries and rules about the jokes she can’t do and why. He should probably take an appointment with the therapist he's supposed to see but it’s too late for that and it kinda scares him. Maybe just maybe he can be better than his father. Maybe he can break the cycle of abuse in his family.
Gibbs glanced one last time at his younger agent ( his younger son ?) and he knew his agent would be in bad shape tomorrow but the least he can do is give him a blanket. He won’t tell him because his agent would be devastated but he saw what happened earlier and he knows the conversation about McGee’s family, the one Tim has avoided for so long, can’t wait forever but he can let his son postpone this for later a little more, even if later is sooner than their wish. He also swears to himself that night that he would find a way to make McGee understand that he is a great agent and he couldn’t care less about his sexuality. Maybe Timothy is a good name for a boat after all.